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  • Locked thread
HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


On the fence here as whether to join or not. On one hand, I wanna flex them writing muscles of mine.

Other hand says that I don't handle criticism as well as I should, complied with my good friend Insecurity telling me that my stuff may not be up to Thunderdome standards.

For now, I'll just sit here...stewing in my indecision. Don't mind me...

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HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


sebmojo posted:

Your vague watery indecision is as sweet nectar to me. Slap him on the list, STONE OF MADNESS.

Wait, I didn't say that I would join up, only that I was interested in doing so!

There is a difference!

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Noah posted:

Seems like you ain't got a choice, bub.

...You're all insane. You know this, right?

Fine. If you want me to go in hard and deep, I'll go in hard and DEEP.

Sign me up. I shall either bathe in the blood of my enemies or be mercilessly slaughtered. Let the battle be joined!

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Etherwind posted:

Just go for it. The worst that'll happen is that you won't be a Stupid Newbie any more.

Well, okay, the worst is that you might get mocked a bit, but you really have to turn in something of legendarily bad quality before that kicks in. As long as you avoid slash fiction based on real people or existing characters, you'll be fine.

Oh, I'm going for it. All the way. Every day. Hard. And. DEEP.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Hard and Deep (Word Count: 430)

It was sudden, swift, violent, confusing.

“RPG on the rooftop!”, “Where the gently caress is our backup?!”, “Tank in the alleyway! Take it down!”, “Sniper! Sniper on that balcony!”

It was if his body was on fire. Every nerve, every fiber, every synapse, every atom of his being suddenly became alive. As if it was here, right loving now, this very loving godforsaken mockery of an urban jungle in some rear end-end third world country was where he belonged. Where he had a purpose.


Brian was almost overcome by the noise of rockets and the smell of sulfur burning his nose and the sight of his comrades being mowed down and the screams of the dying and oh poo poo what the gently caress is that is that a loving TANK—

He barely got out of the way before the drat thing swung its gigantic turret around and bellowed an ungodly roar. He had to scramble, had to keep running, had to move dammit, move!

And then he heard the screeching of—Friendly Javelins. Firing. At the very tank that was on his white farm-boy rear end. He almost let himself breathe a sigh of relief. Almost.

He leaned against a broken wall of what used to be a towering skyscraper, a far cry from its previous form. He checked his assault weapon, swapped the mag, put a fresh one in, clicked off the safety, chambered the round, and started to run off anew towards the gaping maw of death before him.


The battle raged on, his trigger finger at the verge of falling off his hand. The fatigue was starting to gnaw at his legs, he was running and gunning so much. Every bone in his body ached and pleaded and begged for him to slow down, but he knew the battle wasn't over yet, just a few more minutes and it would all be over.

Every once in a while, an enemy would pop up and his assault rifle would bark at them, sending them down to the rubble-filled streets. It was almost like it was a reflex, really. It just...happened. No rhyme. No reason. Just...instinct.


Then...the enemies stopped coming. They just...up and left. Vanished without any trace. Brian slowed down his quick gait, concern flickering across his face. Something wasn't right. There was no formal surrender, no discussion of terms...

He looked up, and saw glistening silver careening towards the Earth, speeding as if it were thrown from the very hand of God Himself.


Then, there was noise. There was fire. There was dust. There was wind.


And then there was silence.


~~~~

Like I said, I go hard. And. DEEP.

Google Docs (added some fancy formatting; better looking): https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

DL (if you wish): https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6G...dit?usp=sharing

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


The Saddest Rhino posted:

Luckily the screen stopped being red and Brian can proceed to the next checkpoint.

You totally missed the implication that the area Brian was fighting in got nuked, I'm guessing.

Maybe said implication was too subtle for you to pick up on.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Real writers tip: if readers aren't picking something up, it's rarely because they're just not as clever as you. Usually, it's because your prose is unclear.

I think though (speaking of missing implications) that he's making fun of you for basically just writing a vidya gayme battle in story form.

Ah. My bad for misconstruing that, then.

And yes, my story did take some cues from vidya gaems. Blame this LP of MW3.


Besides, I come from a family with a military background, so it was only natural for me to write what I know. Plus, I think I may have OD'd on Tom Clancy and Warhammer 40k lore somewhere in my childhood.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Meis posted:

But I didn't say that-

gently caress it, who am I kidding. That new guy submitted something after being challenged, and I'm not going to make myself look like a pissing pansy by saying I'm too busy. I'm not too busy.

Join me. Join me in glorious battle! Let my courage be your guide through this world of blood and bone! We will go hard! And! DEEP!

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Man, all this talk of colons is making think of that one Weird Al song...

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


I have managed to avoid shaming my family, if only just. However, I have not yet brought them HONOR.


Echo Cian, I await your prompt. LET THE BLOOD FLOW!

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


In this to win this. Blood shall flow.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Martello posted:

FLASH RULE: Contrary to EchoCian's prompt post, your story MUST include a sex scene, and it has to be a good one that helps us feel the love between the two characters. Not a japanese cartoon animes porn hentai one. I'm the sole arbiter of whether your sex scene is "good" or "japanese anime-cartoon hentai."

...

Challenge accepted, as long as you apply this rule to the others and submit one yourself adhering to the very rule you put down so you can show us kids how it's done.


Oh yeah. Throwin' down the gauntlet right back at ya. You up?

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Echo Cian posted:

Funny, I don't see any of your names on the judges list.

Welcome to the Thunderdome, sister.



Martello posted:

This rule was only for HardickONMYMIND

I'm game if you are. If you wanna pussy out, just lie back and think of England.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


twinkle cave posted:

Was Austrilia in mind when THUNDERDOME was created? Or was THUNDERDOME simply spewed from the hot molten center of 10^10000 suns going super nova.

Latter. Definitely the latter.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


My forgetfulness once again bites my rear end. I have no other excuses.


Also, I suck balls at writing sex scenes because holy poo poo am I really uncomfortable writing them.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Martello posted:

I told heretic rind he had to do a sex scene, remember?

You did, and I had to throw away a lot of drafts because, if I posted them, you would swoop in and say

Martello Would've Said posted:

Hey Heretic, you didn't follow the stupid flash rule I gave you because you're new and I like to talk big and never show anything to prove my boasting!


And try to get me disqualified because of that. And since you're one of the Original Three, you'd have some considerable pull in making that happen.


So, yeah, you're somewhat-in-part responsible for my lack of submission this week. Nice going!


In any case, here's my sweet, sweet, revenge:


FLASH RULE: Martello MUST sign up and submit for the next prompt, and he must use the ALL following words in the body of his work in DIFFERENT SENTENCES:

--"Fallacious"
--"Flamboyant"
--"Obtuse"
--"Gangrenous"
--"Xylophonist"
--"Zenith"

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012



At least I didn't say "your submission must contain exactly 5.9 smilies."

Come! Show me what passes for fury among your misbegotten kind!


Judges, I await the next prompt with great eagerness! If it will be a duel 'twixt Martello and I, then I gladly step forward, blade and shield in hand!



Capntastic posted:

"Writers" who don't produce don't get to conjure flash rules.

Show up or shut up, I always say. Didn't see you sign up nor submit, so I doubt you should be talking.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Fanky Malloons posted:


Way to blame others for your own failure. I demand that you and Martello engage in a thunderbrawl

Since you're probably a bitch who will cry about it if I don't, I hereby request that an impartial bystander volunteer to be the judge. Anyone have any prompts they've been dying to inflict on the 'dome?

I accept and am working on something as we speak. BLOOD MUST FLOW.


To be fair, Martello started it when he posted that stupid flash rule about me posting a submission that included sex, even when the prompt explicitly stated otherwise. Of course I escalated and am manning up appropriately, don't get me wrong, and now this foot in my mouth is just so delicious it tastes like honey did you know that and ok I'll stop talking now.



Sitting Here posted:

Well duh, sex scene brawl.

No, thanks. As much I want to put Martello in his place, I don't wanna get banned because of some jackass who'll go

Some Jackass posted:

Oh my god, they're posting in the Thunderdome! SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING

So, seeing as I kinda am involved, may I humbly request that the prompt not include sex?




DivisionPost posted:

Well...I mean, since you didn't produce, you have no ground to stand on, right? So it sounds like you can't make that request.

But I did produce. Assuming experience isn't a factor (it might be a benefit in this case since I'm unaware of any history between these two), and also assuming my submission didn't completely suck rear end, I'd be game to make the same request and also volunteer as the impartial judge. Just somebody else let me know if this is cool, and I'll start thinking of a prompt.

Go for it. GIVE ME BLOOD TO SPILL.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Sitting Here posted:

Fine. I'll rephrase. You guys should write a story with vivid erotic elements that is not creepy and bannable. Caveat: Every character in the piece is trans/posthuman.

Fair enough. Seems well for me. I can do subtle erotica, but vivid? Oh, I'm not sure if I can but I don't give a gently caress because this is the THUNDERDOME, bitches!

You want vivid erotic elements? YOU GOT IT, HOSS!


And seeing as I don't know what trans/posthuman means and I don't think I can write in that style, this should be interesting.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


DivisionPost posted:

Ohhhhh gently caress I just saw that you're one of Those Deemed Worthy. Please accept my deepest apologies.


I don't know. I mean, I hate to question you again but look at it this way: if I do that, then if Heretic doesn't produce he can just use the same "I'M SO UNCOMFORTABLE" excuse when he doesn't show up. It'd be more humiliating if I give him and Martello a different prompt and he still doesn't come through.

If you don't agree, then I completely respect your right to overrule me and change the prompt as needed. But if you're cool...then here's my prompt:

THUNDERBRAWL
HereticMIND vs. Martello

The Prompt

You two are to write your own stories about the first meeting between two young lovers, taking place on Planet Earth between the years of 1983 and 1998. Your characters must be no younger than 12, no older than 15. Obviously, it goes without saying that you will not write a sex scene.

Echo Cian's rules for her prompt still apply. You will SHOW US the seeds of a loving, beautiful relationship. You may not TELL US. You may not use phrases like "I think I'm in love" or "I'm falling for you" or any of that poo poo. You will demonstrate through narrative and carefully crafted dialogue. You will do it within 1250 words (I'm giving you an extra fifty), and assuming the terms are agreed upon, you will hand it in within 48 hours, starting from the time of this post.

Is it agreed? Or did Sitting Here just beat me to it?

I ACCEPT AND CAST THE DIE OF FATE.


Quasi-Medieval political powerplays can wait, my friends. For now it is BRAWL TIME.

HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


BLOOD MUST FLOW.

I wanted to do and am currently writing up Division's prompt, but post/transhumanism sounds more fun because I don't know how the hell to write in that style, so the trainwreck shall be beautiful.

I will feast on your corpse, Martello. Your delicious, cherry-flavored CORPSE.

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HereticMIND
Nov 4, 2012


Synchronicity (WORD COUNT: 654)


The circuits whirred gently across her skin, and her fingers looped into the nest of wires atop his (not its, she almost reminded herself) head.

Shelly didn't know how she got here, nor did she think that she even wanted to know. All that she knew was that this was as close to heaven as she was going to ever be, that she wasn't some engineer that had bills to pay, was working at some dead-end job that stiffed her paycheck for the umpteenth time...

Now, all that mattered was that she was a woman, and by God did she ever feel like one!

She was there, right on the cusp of blissful oblivion, only a few more strokes and he'd send them both off the edge and into the enveloping embrace of nirvana—!

~~

She named him Ashlan. His official designation was Home Sanitation/Psychology Unit 453-776H-ZZ9. A mouthful of numbers, letters and words that didn't really roll off the tongue elegantly enough for her liking.

Hence, the name of Ashlan.

She could remember the first time she referred to him by that moniker. He almost stumbled on his own servos, the poor dear! It was almost adorable the way he righted himself just before he knocked over a vase full of Martian Bluebells.

She could remember the following conversation not two months later, either.

“Query: Permission to speak requested.”

“Yes, Ashlan?”

“Observation: This Unit's designation is 453-776H-ZZ9. Mistress deviates from protocol, referring to said Unit as 'Ashlan.' Query: Why is Mistress doing such?”

“Well, Ashlan is your name.”

“Negative Reply: This Unit does not find Mistress' answer sufficient. Rebuttal: This Unit and all other Units have never been 'named' by Masters before. Query: Is this Unit the first to be 'named?'”

“Well...I suppose. I figured since you didn't have a name, I might as well give you one because...well, you exist. Yeah, you're a buncha' wires and servos and gizmos all put together, but you have a personality. You have dreams, Ashlan. You have character.”

“Confused Rebuttal: But this Unit is not human, Mistress.”

“Doesn't matter. You may be different than me physically, but deep down you're like me. Someone who wants, someone who needs, someone who laughs, cries, sighs, loves, and lives, just like me.

“Anything else?”

~~

“O—Observ—Observation: M-Muh-Mistresssssssssssss, thi-the-this Unit issssssssszzzzzz nearing—[ERROR: CANNOT COMPLETE SUBROUTINE X-24-16-YYH—W-W-W-WARNING! SYSTEM-SYSTEM-SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT]”

“Ashlan! Ohhhhhhhhh, Ashlannnnnnnnnn! I'm right there, baby! Right loving there—!”

They suddenly reached the peak of passion, the very thing they had sought from the start of their oddball relationship.

Then, they fell off the edge together and spiraled down into oblivion's grasp, achieving—oh, what was the word?

Harmony. Unity. Bliss. Rapture.

Synchronicity. Yes, that was the term she was searching for.


As they came down from their heights of passion, Shelly could only sigh in content. She just had the best sex she ever had, hands down. It was everything she ever dreamed of, and then some.

Ashlan, with all his lovable pluck and flair, broke the silence after what seemed like hours.

“Preliminary Observation: Mistress' endorphin levels are 200% above previously recorded levels and falling. Conclusion: This Unit has met/exceeded Mistress' expectations. Query: Is this correct?”

“Yeah...you were amazing, Ashlan. I never knew...I never even thought that...”

“Self-Deprecating Observation: Mistress was the better performer.”

“Aw, shucks, Ash.” Seriously, she didn't know how her blush could even get any redder. Maybe Ash had a way with words that no other Unit ever could have.

“Query: Mistress...can we do this again?”

“Wow. Yeah, sure. Not right now, though. I'm still coming down from the incredible high you gave me...God, that was some drat good sex, Ashlan. You're incredible.”

“Proud Statement: This Unit aims to please its Mistress.”


And did he ever make good on that boast. But that's a story for another time...


~~~~~~~~


Google Docs link (formatted): https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

DDL: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6G...dit?usp=sharing


You wanted quasi-cyberpunk erotica, you got quasi-cyberpunk erotica. Your play, Martello.

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