Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



This should be interesting. In!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Yeah, I didn't really have any idea what I was doing.

(World ravaged by kids with rear end cancer, solace of being fat and stupid, 656 words)

Stupid poo poo Heard While Bartending

Another ordinary Friday night at the local bar. The place wasn't too crowded, most of the other patrons having gone home an hour or two ago. Emma stood behind the counter, absently leaning against the wall and watching the generic sitcom that was playing on the television, occasionally glancing around the room.

Sitting on a stool at the far end of the counter was Chris, who was quietly brooding, staring into his drink as if he expected the many secrets of love and sex to be contained within. Another breakup, Emma figured. For a man who had so little difficulty finding a relationship, he had quite a lot of trouble actually staying in one for more than a month or two. He'd be at the bar every night for a few days, being depressing and generally bringing the mood down, before inevitably finding a new girl and starting the cycle anew.

Emma didn't much like people who came to a bar to drown their sorrows. For god's sake, if you wanted to cry into a bottle, why not do it at home, where you'd get roughly the same experience without having to deal with other people?

Travis and Corey, siting at their usual spot in corner embodied an opposite extreme, but one that almost as irritating. They were never disruptive enough to be worth throwing out, but listening to their loud, inane conversations night after night quickly wore at one's sanity. “Hey, Corey, ya ever, like, think about how the world's gonna end?” Travis slurred. Corey simply shrugged, but Travis was more than happy to do enough talking for the both of them. “It's gonna be the kids, man. The kids. The little shits of the next generation will screw us all over.”

“I dunno, Trav.” Corey said. “We've been getting along pretty okay so far, haven't we? Like-”

“Dammit, Corey, you didn't let me finish!” Travis said indigently, interrupting his friend. “Sure, they may seem all “innocent” and “manageable” and “ what the hell man they're loving kids what the gently caress could they do to you anyway” now, but I bet there's gonna be, like, some big disease that changes everything!”

“Zombies?” Corey asked, a connoisseur of any media that involved shooting many things with many guns.

“Zombies are bullshit. Too unrealistic. Nah, man, it's gonna be cancer.” Travis paused for a moment. rear end cancer.” He slammed his fist on the table for emphasis. “Cause, like, cancer is a pain in the rear end by itself, right? But, like, it's even worse if it's a literal pain in the rear end!” Travis sniggered at what passed for wit between the two.

“But, but Trav! How're we gonna survive the rear end-cancer apocalypse? “ The concerned Corey asked, always a worrier. Travis simply smiled with all the benevolence and intelligence of a hermit that had realized that Enlightenment really wasn't all it cracked up to be and living in a mountaintop cave was a pretty raw deal.

“No worries, man! No worries! All ya gotta do is, uh, be fat! And stupid! See, kids like playing tag and poo poo, right? And they'd want their rear end-pain cured? So they'd, like, kidnap all the athletes and brain-surgeons, but leave everyone else alone.” Corey nodded at this piece of sage wisdom. Travis always had the best ideas, after all. Truly a modern genius.

“Good to hear that neither of you would have to actually do anything.” Emma muttered under her breath, doing her best to tune the rest of their conversation out. Just another ordinary Friday night at the bar, dealing with the ordinary, obnoxious public. It wasn't glamorous, it wasn't even terribly interesting, but it was Emma's life right now, and she supposed that there were worse things to do than listen to the epic and incoherent saga of kids, asses, and cancer that was being told.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



I must redeem my family name after my sorry showing last session.

In.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Last minute entry, ho! (1000 words.)

Sunrise

The dying solider was propped up against a tree, staring blankly at the desolate battlefield around him. Blood loss and fear had made his memory hazy, but from he could remember he had been taking cover behind the tree when the order to withdraw had issued. His temporary relief at being able to get away from the fighting was quickly cut short, as he had caught a bullet to the gut after he'd taken not even five steps away from the tree.

His squad hadn't bothered to assist him. Maybe they thought he was already dead, maybe they didn't notice, maybe they just didn't give enough of a poo poo to risk their own lives to carry him to safety. In any case, the result was the same, and he had been left to bleed out. He faded in and out of consciousness for what seemed to him to be an eternity, though it was likely only a few hours.

Eventually, he'd been able to focus enough to regather his concentration and examine his surroundings. The battlefield was eerily quiet. No gunfire, no shouting, no screams of pain from wounded soldiers. The setting sun had long since faded from the sky, leaving only the dim light of the full moon to illuminate his surroundings. The soldier was grateful for this. It reduced the many corpses strewn about to silhouettes, allowing him to almost entirely wipe their presence from his mind. He didn't need any more reminders of what the future held.

Though he felt no pain, the soldier still knew with an absolute certainty that he was going to die. His body was too weak to move, his thoughts clouded. Any hopes of receiving actual medical attention (his suit would keep him alive for a while, but it wasn't anywhere near a replacement for treatment) had vanished along with his squad. All he had left to do was wait to die.

There was movement in the distance, to the soldier's alarm, growing closer and closer. One remaining enemy soldier, searching for any survivors that remained so he could kill them, or worse? The soldier had seen the videos depicting the enemy nation's countless war crimes.

The silhouette was now close enough for the soldier to see it clearly - a man wearing the enemy nation's uniform. Before the panicked soldier was able to react, the man took a few steps towards him, stumbled, then collapsed against the tree, now right next to the soldier.

"Heya, kid. Hope you don't mind me sharing your tree for a while. Don't think I've got enough energy left to stand up again, anyway, so I guess you're stuck with me for now." The enemy chuckled a bit at this, the laughter quickly breaking into a fit of coughing. "Aw, hell." He muttered under his breath. "I'm in worse shape than I thought." The soldier simply stared at the enemy, utterly bewildered. The man was older, roughly in his late twenties. His voice was quiet, rough, with a slight accent.

Had the man gone insane? The soldier knew that all from the enemy nation were bloodthirsty, mindless psychopaths, with nothing on their minds other than killing as many people as possible. Why, then, was the enemy soldier calmly talking to him like nothing was out of the ordinary?

"Hey, you okay, kid?" The enemy asked with a concerned look, causing the soldier to flinch in surprise. "loving propaganda, making everyone's lives more difficult." The enemy muttered, before turning back to the soldier. "Look, kid. I'm not gonna hurt you, and we're in the same boat, right? So, relax a bit. We're tree buddies, after all, might as well get to know each other. What's your name?"

"J-Jonathan." Jonathan stuttered, not taking his nervous eyes off of the enemy for a single moment.

"Good to meet ya, Jonathan. I'm Ben." The enemy said with a slight smile. "So, what's a kid like you doing in a hellhole like this? You look way too young to be a soldier." Jonathan glared indignantly at the enemy.

"I-I'm 16 years old, not a kid! I l-lied about my age so I could s-serve my country and fight against you monsters!" The recruiters had been oddly ready to believe his lie, now that he thought about it.

"Monsters, huh?" The enemy said, frowning. "I admire your conviction, kid, but you've gotta realize somethin'. See, when I enlisted, I was told that we were gonna stick it to some dictatorship that was oppressing its citizens and poo poo, strike a blow towards freedom to all mankind and all that. Well, as you can see, one of your countrymen stuck it to me. No hard feelings, though." The enemy sighed, gazing off into the distance. "Dammit, Julia told me something like this was gonna happen."

"J-Julia?" Jonathan asked, his curiosity aroused despite himself. The more Ben - the enemy talked, the more Jonathan became fascinated. Had his country truly been lying to him?

"Yeah, Julia. She's my girl, back home." Ben said, smiling wistfully. "You don't wanna hear me ramble on about my gorgeous girlfriend, though, do you? C'mon, kid, tell me a but about yourself. We've got nothing but time."

The two talked for a long time, of home, of family, of loved ones, anything to take their minds off of the current situation. Eventually, Ben turned to Jonathan, saying "Hey, kid. When all this blows over, and you're old enough, wanna go have some drinks together or-" He stopped. Jonathan's breath had stopped. A smile was still on his face. "...Sweet dreams, kid." Ben whispered, before finally closing his eyes as well.

The sun rose, shining down on the battlefield. Its light shined on many good men, men cut down before their time, men who died without accomplishing any greater purpose. Men who had died terrified, screaming. However, the sun also shined on two former enemies, peacefully sitting side by side. Even on a battlefield, human kindness can shine.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Certainly in for another round of (dis)honorable combat in the Thunderdome!

dmboogie fucked around with this message at 03:26 on Oct 22, 2013

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



I really need to manage my time better so I can stop always submitting at the last minute.

The Driver

(1000 words)

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Never give up, never give in.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Er, mine doesn't have any, either. Did I improperly set up comments or something? (Sorry if it just hasn't been gotten to yet.)

dmboogie fucked around with this message at 21:34 on Oct 29, 2013

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



-Insert incredibly lame excuse that no one cares about for why I didn't enter last week here-

I must redeem my family name once more. In, and also taking a flash rule, if you would.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



I am a very foolish man who commits to things without taking such trifling matters such as "deadlines" into consideration, and in a vain attempt to hold onto one last scrap of honor, I shall put my account onto the line and myself for the next week's contest.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



In.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Aw, gently caress. In an attempt to ward off my self-inflicted banishment for not submitting, this post will shortly turn into my story. A late submission is still a submission, right?

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Yeah, falling asleep while finishing the story wasn't that great of an idea in these circumstances.

Lionheart (661 words)

Daniel leaned against the fence above the clearing containing the fuckin' badass samurai of the savannah. More commonly known as "lions", for those unused to dealing with the numerous colorful phrases Michael had loved to spread throughout his everyday speech. He'd always liked comparing himself to a lion, saying "They're deadly, powerful predators with kickass blonde manes, right?" He'd said, flexing his almost non-existent muscles. "Totally me."

Michael had chosen to ignore Daniel when he pointed out that it was the female lions that did the work. He had never liked it when reality conflicted with the images he had already formed in his head, a trait that Daniel always found quite infuriating and endearing in equal measure, depending on how much he felt like arguing that day.

However fond Daniel had been of Michael, he'd always felt as if their friendship had been forced upon him. An only child with parents that were often too busy with work to pay him any mind had to find some way to entertain himself, and when Michael discovered that his neighbors had a son the same age as himself, he had shown up at Daniel's doorstep, saying "Yo! I'm your neighbor, Michael! Let's go do stuff!" After a quick introduction and explanation to Daniel's mother, Michael raced out the door, dragging Daniel along in his wake.

Despite the rather rude nature of the boy's initial meeting with Daniel, he eventually grew to consider Michael a close friend, and invited him along to his family's yearly voyage to the local zoo. Michael, having never been to a zoo in his life, had accepted with explosive enthusiasm.

The family had gone through all the usual attractions (Daniel had been rather fond of the penguins, himself. He'd felt that they had a sort of ridiculous dignity,), but none of them had caught Michael's attention as much as the lion's enclosure. "Dude, they're all like 'I see you, puny human! I slumber for now, but I can destroy you with a single swipe of my claws!' So cool!" He'd said, staring down at the animals peacefully sunning themselves.

Ten years later, now, Daniel tilted his head, studying the lions. He'd never been able to see what had fascinated Michael so much about them. Not that it was anything special or new, he'd never really been able to understand any of Michael's other quirks, either.

Michael soon became a fixture at the annual trips, always taking special care to view the lions. Time passed, Michael and Daniel soon parted ways and headed off to separate colleges, but they still made sure to get together once a year for their traditional trip to the zoo.

This was the first year that Daniel went alone, feeling empty inside. Michael had been almost a larger-than-life figure to him, standing invincible and uncaring against all that life had to throw at him. The car accident shattered both Daniel's illusions and Michael's life.

So, there Daniel stood, lost and alone and desperately clinging to the past in an attempt to give himself some shred of comfort. He absently stared at the lion cubs, keeping an eye on one especially energetic cub in particular, play fighting with its siblings. Michael had, on one occasion, rambled on about how he'd like to become an animal when be died. "Being human is cool and all, but do you know how frickin' awesome it'd be to like, have tails and claws and teeth, poo poo like that? All would bow below the fearsome Michael, ruler of animal kind!"

It was a dumb thing to think, Daniel knew. Still, a small part of him wanted it to be true. Couldn't hurt to pretend, at least for a little bit. "Later, Michael." He whispered, smiling and turning away from the cub. Daniel left the zoo and the ghost of his friend behind, but they would still be waiting for him next year, when their next traditional visit was scheduled.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Oh man, this is a cool prompt.

I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard.

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Urgh, I'm not getting in, either. I had a decent start going but schoolwork took up a lot more of my time than I anticipated,

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



In.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



Wow, I'm poo poo. Not going to bother you guys with excuses, but I'm out, and I'll definitely be wearing my hat the next time I think entering this is a good idea.

  • Locked thread