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No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Mercedes posted:

What I'm reading is that you think you can do this better than me. Why don't you put your prissy gloves away and brawl me like a [wo]man?

I always love a good fight.

Or you can just go back into obscurity -- not entering in any TD prompts and sitting on the side lines like a sad sack of poo poo. Your choice.

I'll brawl ya in his place if he doesn't man up

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No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


I challenge leper colon V to a brawl. Lets go bro.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


I'm in. Tall tales are baller.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Mercedes posted:

:siren:THE LEPER COLON V VS NO LONGER FLAKY BRAWL:siren:

Picture 1 -


The Day My Lips Were Blown Off

I am the mighty sandworm of Hrathdon and, until recently, I had lips. It’s not like I particularly need my lips I guess, sometimes they got in the way of devouring humans and smashing things, but without them my face feels incomplete. It’s like two soft touchy feely muscles are missing, and I can’t help but feel like somehow it’s my fault.

It all started like any other normal day. I was slithering through the Earth waiting for a group of small squishy meat snacks to start their migration – or whatever you’d call it. That day there was a scent that I hadn’t smelled in the air before. It was potent, like the smell of meat was somehow amplified. It overtook my thoughts, and I couldn’t think of anything else. I followed the scent without a thought of retribution as I got closer, I noticed the smell wasn’t accompanied by the typical vibrations that these loud smelly meat sacks made as they traversed through their environment. A lack of vibration wasn’t uncommon, in fact in most circumstances this signaled an easy meal. The meat snacks wouldn’t even try to run away from me! Easy snacking and good food. Well not more tasty or less tasty than usual, but easy food is good food in my book.

When I finally reached the source of the smell, I was beside myself. Normally I am careful to check the surroundings before I make my entrance from under the ground. But on this occasion, they weren’t moving, and the smell was so delicious I didn’t think to even check. The smell led me towards my prey and as I moved closer the smell was downright orgasmic. I brought myself up and smashed down on the snacks, intent on eating them with one quick satisfying bite and chewing as I made my escape. Typically I don’t chew my food, but with this snack, with this smell I had never before encountered I intended to savor it. Unfortunately the amazing smell did not match the taste that accompanied it. It was a harsh bitter taste, acrid. It seemed like I only tasted it for a split second then BAM. An explosion. I don’t know what happened with that particular snack, I don’t know if those snacks were infected with a disease or what, but when I bit down on those guys they blew my lips clean off. Stunned me too. It was all I could do to slither back into the safety of the ground before anything else got blown off. I don’t know what further could have possibly been removed from my body, but before this happened I never would have guessed my lips could be blown off. Live and learn I guess.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Mercedes posted:

What the poo poo. The deadline was next week, jackasses. I'll have judgement by this weekend so hold on to your dicks, you mingers.

Sorry brah, he posted so quickly I felt like I needed to get my poo poo in order. Guess we both don't have enough keeping us busy.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


WHO WANTS TO BRAWL ME?? I'M SO loving BALLER AND HOPPED UP ON ADRENALINE AFTER MY LAST WIN.


HOOOORAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Mercedes posted:

:siren:THE LEPER COLON V VS NO LONGER FLAKY BRAWL:siren:

I am a bit of an art guy. I like looking at pictures and poo poo. Your brawl is simple.

Picture 1 -

Picture 2 -

Pick a picture as your inspiration and give me 500 words.

You have until next week Tuesday 11:59 pm EST.

I'm gonna resubmit something for this prompt by the original deadline here. I had a better idea than the poorly written crap I put up earlier.

No Longer Flaky fucked around with this message at 14:13 on Dec 19, 2013

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax



Misunderstood

Clark jogged down the hallway towards the stage, he was gonna be late for his performance! His props jangled in his case as he made his way.

A stagehand said “You’re Clark Sanderson?”

“Yes,” Clark replied.

“All right Clark, they’re just about to announce your name, then they’re going to hit ya with the lights and that’s when you should start your act.”

“Ok, thanks,” Clark said. Clark quickly ducked across the stage and took his position in the puppeteer booth. He opened his case and began unpacking his puppets.

“AND NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ON PETEY PANDAS PLAY HOUR, WE HAVE A PUPPETSHOW FOR YOU GUYS! ISN’T THAT EXCITING KIDS!”

A mixed shout of “Yay!” and “Yeah!” erupted from the crowd. The overhead lights shone on his puppeteer’s platform showing the backdrop of grassy hills with a sun in the top right corner. Here goes nothing, Clark thought. He pulled out his first puppet, a brown dog, and began his act.

“Hello boys and girls, my name is Scruffy.”

“Hi scruffy!” The crowd chorused back.

“I am here to tell you about something very important. Something every good little boy and girl should know about.” Clark said, controlling Scruffy with his left hand. In his right hand was a long black snake puppet with a menacing grin displaying long fangs. “There is a monster that lives in the deep dark woods. A monster that is very sneaky. This monster has sharp gnashing teeth.” Clark made gnashing noises with his mouth and then continued, “He is long and ferocious and not even your parents can stop him!” Clark shrieked “He likes to eat pet doggies like Scruffy here,” Clark yelled, then wrenched his second puppet up and smashed it down on Scruffy.

Clark opened the mouth of the snake puppet and pulled Scruffy’s head clean off his body. The audience gasped. Clark pushed a petal at his foot and red fake blood squirted from Scruffy’s neck where his head used to be connected. Clark dropped Scruffy’s headless body behind the screen.

“HA! HA! HA!” Clark growled in a serpentine voice. “No one can stop me! I am the devourer of souls! I AM THE DESTROYER! BOW BEFORE ME!”

The crowd gasped, and children began to cry. Concerned parents covered their children’s eyes. Clark removed one of his hands from the back of the snake and put it inside his third puppet, a heroic knight that was going to save the day. Just then the lights illuminating his display for the audience were shut off. Petey the purple panda quickly waddled to the center of the stage.

“Forgive that display boys and girls, that was not true. There is no such thing, that was just pretend.”

Dammit, Clark thought, No one ever lets me finish my drat show!

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


God Over Djinn posted:

I'll brawl you bb ;-*

Need a judge for this brawl whenever someone's ready.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


My piece is going to be a giant turd and I'm certain that I'm going to lose this thunderdome, but by god I'm going to post something.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Johnny B- Dealer Extraordinaire 948 Words


Johnny B has been a dealer for years, everyone knows and no one does anything. No cops touch him, no community watch citizens report him. He’s just there. You go to his place and you get what you need. But if you gently caress him, well lets just say you don’t gently caress him.

One day Mark went down to see Johnny, to pick up some weed for a party he was going to. Johnny answered the door in sweatpants and a t shirt. Like always. “Whats up dude” he said.

“Usual” Mark replied.

“Come on in cuz, it’s gonna be a few minutes. Waiting on a shipment.” Johnny said. Mark followed him inside, then to his living room where he sat down on the couch. Mark plopped next to him.

“What you been up to?” Johnny asked

“You know, some of this some of that.” Mark said. “How about you.”

“Same poo poo different day bro.”

There was a knock at the door. Johnny got up from the couch and walked to the door. “What up playa?” I heard him say.

“Same old same old.” Someone replied. Johnny let them in the house. From his spot on the couch Mark could see this dude was, somehow, even bigger than Johnny. An easy six eight three hundred pounds. Guy looked like he ate steroids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and then stayed up all night on meth lifting things. Then did it again the next day. The veins in his biceps stood out like blue rivers on a road map.

“You got that poo poo you owe me?” Johnny asked.

“Well actually, I came here to talk to you about that. I don’t got it, and I don’t think that I’ll ever have that poo poo for you.” The gym rat said.

“And why is that?” Johnny said. I could see his jaw clench, his muscles tense. Something big was about to go down.

“Well Johnny, because I don’t need your poo poo anymore, I don’t need you, you don’t scare me like you do some other people,” the walking pillar of muscle said.

“Is that so?” Johnny said, “well you know that I can’t just let you walk out of here scott free. Especially since you’re so intent on setting up your own operation. You’re sure this is what you want?”

“Bitch, you don’t scare me.” The man replied, then pulled a folding blade from his pocket. “Time to die bitch.”

Johnny, who had been sitting in an arm chair in the couch next to me, stood up. “You call that a knife,” Johnny said. “I use a bigger knife to trim my ball hair, bitch.”

The gym freak took a swing but Johnny caught his arm and swung him around. Johnny swung a fist at him, it connected with his cheek and opened a cut that began to bleed down the side of his face. Gym-rat gave no ground to the shot, and swung with the knife again. Johnny jumped backwards but the knife grazed him in the stomach. Johnny let out a gasp and grabbed his stomach with a hand. Gym-rat advanced towards him.

Johnny grabbed a lamp from the table next to the couch and threw it at gym-rat. Surprised by the act, gym-rat was hit directly in the face. The lamp bent on his thick skull then fell to the ground. Quickly, Johnny closed the distance and tackled gym-rat to the ground. The rat squirmed underneath Johnny. Johnny isolated the hand with the knife and smashed it against the ground. Once, twice, thrice and then the rat dropped the knife. Gym-rat flexed upwards and got leverage off the ground. Johnny used this leverage to get his arms under the rat and wrapped his arms around the rat. He swung his legs around, then braced himself against the couch and pressed upwards. The muscles in his calves bulged then he pushed himself upwards, and picked the rat up bodily off the floor. He heaved the rat through the front window, which smashed and left shards of glass embedded in the rats body. The rat bounced into in the flowerbed, crushing a bush underneath.

“YEAH, HOW ABOUT YOU GET THE gently caress OUT!” Johnny screamed. Then sprinted towards and out, the door. “WHATS THAT? YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?? LET ME FIX THAT FOR YOU!”

Gym-rat had untangled his shirt from the bush and sprinted to his car. Johnny gave chase, closing the distance in a shot. Rat fumbled with the keys in the ignition, then started the car. By this point Johnny had made it to the driver’s side door, which was locked. Johnny got enraged and crouched down and ripped the wheel clean off the car. It came off with a crunch and glass tinkled all over the drive. “HERE TAKE THE WHEEL!” Johnny bellowed, and chucked the wheel through the windshield. It hit the rat dead in the chest and he inhaled then began coughing. Johnny wasn’t done there. He circled around the front of the car and crouched down grabbing the front bumper of the car. “How can you drive away when your car is upside down??” Johnny asked, then flipped the car end over end. The cars ceiling crunched in and and gym-rat was thrown downwards to smash his skull on the ceiling. He was knocked unconscious and slumped down in the broken glass and bent metal.

Car dispatched, Johnny’s phone started to ring. He picked it up. “Hey man,” he called over to me, “your stuff will be here momentarily.”

“Sounds good,” I said.
Then he made another call, “yeah, I’m gonna need you to come do another cleanup.” Johnny said into the line. Then I shut my ears off to his business, like a good client should.


Excuses are for bitches, but for some reason this prompt was particularly hard for me. Obviously I need to read more tall tales to get a better feel for them. I probably started then threw away 6,000 words until I got to this story and I am not even particularly happy with this prompt. Oh well, the more writing you do the better you get.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


crabrock posted:

watching all these brawls with people who don't even regularly thunderdome is lot like what i imagine dropping several loaded assault rifles into the middle of an elemetry school playground would be like.

can you idiots stop brawling each other now, for gently caress's sake?

Hey man, I might be a lovely writer, but the only way I am gonna get better is challenging people who are better than me and then following through with those challenges. I want to thank all y'all for being gracious enough to allow me to post my lovely work on here and giving criticisms.

Happy holidays everyone in this thread!

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


I'm in for the this one

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Fumblemouse posted:

I despise you both equally, according to the system internationale de despise, so I will judge.

prompt: 600 words on an underdog against an impossibly superior foe. Give me the feels.

Deadline: Friday 27th midnight EST

Fighting the Tide 613 Words

Today’s the day. Today’s the day. You can do it. Yesterday you didn’t make it but today you can do it. You gotta be better for her. You can change. You can do better. Fuckin idiot. How’s it going today?

Good, you.

It’s going well.

Just starting?

Yeah, I’ll be here till six, this all you need?

Yep.

Your total is six fifty. Cash or credit?

Credit.

Ok go ahead and swipe.

Need the receipt? Ok, have a great night.

All right lets go get some stuff taken care of. Donuts need to be spoiled and trays need to be washed.

All I want for Christmas is youuuuuu.

gently caress. Her smile, her laugh. Christmas was always her favorite. Drinking with her family and neighbors before going to her grandmas house. Helping set up cookies and toys for the children. Happy conversations as more guests arrived. Why the gently caress did I break up with her. Why the gently caress did I treat her the way I was. I was such a piece of poo poo. I am such a loving rear end in a top hat. She’s so perfect and I loving ruined everything. I was so selfish. But I was depressed, why couldn’t she see that. I wasn’t myself. Why didn’t she understand. Why didn’t she help me.

If only she gave me another chance. If only she would let me show her how I’ve changed. That I’ve changed for her. That I’m not the piece of poo poo I used to be. She’d let me back in, we’d go to the museum like we used to. Laugh at geriatric farters, get lost on the trails through the woods. I’ll go places with her more. I won’t take her for granted, she just needs to give me a chance.
How’s it going tonight? One of those days huh?

Yep, gonna drink these then go the gently caress to sleep. Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?

Sure thing boss, anything else?

Yeah do the rest from this 20 on pump 12.

You got it, have a good one.

Oh, I will.

gently caress, that beer looked good. Maybe I could get some wine. Yeah, get some wine and then go home and watch a movie. I mean tomorrow it’s not like I can drink anyways, I’m working a double. So I can stop tomorrow. It makes more sense that way. Why do I even need to stop, I mean I don’t drink that often anyways. I just do it when I’m bored. Not like I come into work wasted or anything.

And it’s bullshit that they made me sign that piece of paper. I’m not a loving alcoholic, I only signed that poo poo because I was drunk. I wouldn’t have agreed to that if I was sober. I usually don’t even get that drunk, that was just a special case. I had a little too much to drink and everyone freaks out. I’m not an alcoholic, god drat it.

Hmmm. . . Steel Reserve. 8.1%, that should be good to start. Ehh. . . there’s shutter home for 4.99 a bottle. Might as well go for that. Don’t need a whole bottle anyways, but then there’s some for when I wake up. Or tomorrow who knows. I need to buy it now, Debi doesn’t check the cameras anyways. Plus if I wait until she gets here in the morning to buy it from her then I have to wait a whole hour after I get off and that’s just pointless. Stupid bible-belt making it illegal to sell alcohol before 7 am. I’ll buy it, take it to my car and then get back to work. All right, sounds like a good plan.

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Grug's Harvest 498 words

Grug woke up from his slumber to the dying ululations of the hunters as they left for the day. Time to go wake up Lank, his scavenging partner. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon and its bright rays shocked Grugs eyes. Grug entered the flap to Lank’s hut and kicked him awake.

“Whaaat? What?” Lank said, startled and annoyed.

“Come on Lank, it’s time to get going.” Grug said.

“All right, all right, fine. I’m getting up. Hey I had an idea of where we could go today. My wife told me about a place where she found the best berries and some great roots.” Lank said.

“Sure, Lank, as long as we get what we need, I don’t care where we go.”

They set off from the village, Lank leading the way. They were heading eastward, Grug had been this way a few times. Lank led him through the forest, over streams, up and down hills. Lank seemed sure in the way he was going, as if he was following a path he had traveled before. They came to a large clearing, trees surrounding a group of blackberry bushes with the biggest berries Grug had ever seen.

“Wow, a nice find. How’d that wife of yours come across this?” Grug asked and he began harvesting the berries, putting them in a large leather sack.
Lank, on the other side of the bushes, said “I don’t know, she just mentioned it last night when we were watching Real Cavewives of the Chieftains,” Lank said.

“I hate that drat show.” Grug replied. “Can you believe how stuck up those women are? I could never be with one of them. Add on top of that the chiefs duties, I’d jump off the big cliff.”

“Yeah if my Grinda acted like that, I’d beat her up and down the hut. I don’t ge-” Lank stopped. His eyes wide his mouth trembling as if words were trying to force their way out and dying on his lips.

“What, what is it?” Grug asked.

“A- a- a- tiger. TIGER!!” Lank yelled.

Grug slowly turned around. A feeling of dread overcame him. There it was, ten feet away, its dark eyes flashing menacingly in the shadow of the trees. It growled at him, then pounced. He turned and began to run. The tiger only feet behind him. Grug screamed, he knew it was all over, he knew he was dead. He tripped over a root then he was down. He scrambled backwards. He couldn’t see the tiger anymore, he was sure it was going to pop out of the trees and rip his throat out.

Suddenly, a man with a microphone walked out from behind him, “Hello Grug! You’re on Candid Camera! Your friend Lank set you up, we had cameras set up all over, and that tiger, was actually a trained tiger.”

“What? No- but- well.” Grug blushed. “Are you serious? Wow, you guys really had me going there!”

No Longer Flaky fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Dec 30, 2013

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


I

One million men ride
The rocking boat into the
Fjord of certain death

II
The pecker pecked and
pecked and pecked furiously
Then dizzy- threw up

III
A bro says of ho
Is this her drink? I spike with
Roofies- easy sex

No Longer Flaky fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Dec 31, 2013

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


crabrock posted:

:siren: THUNDERDOME 73 RESULTS POST :siren:
:words:

Thanks for the judgement. Looks like I can only go up from here!!

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


So quick question, once I get the new avatar for losing this last thunderdome, how long do I have to keep the avatar until I can replace it? Should I wait until I win a thunderdome or what?

No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


Mercedes posted:

There's not hard and fast rule and when you can replace it. You should at least have it long enough so it's a reminder to not write lovely stories. After you can see the average quality of your writing get better, get yourself a new avatar.

And you fight to keep that avatar. Do not lose it ever again. Do you hear me?

Ok, I think I'll wait until either I have 5 brawl wins or 1 thunderdome win. I think I definitely wrote the worst piece in the last contest, but I feel like my writing is already becoming better through participating in this thread, and all the new deadlines I have every week.

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No Longer Flaky
Nov 16, 2013

by Lowtax


sebmojo posted:

The sentiment is fine, but keep this sort of musing out of the next thread; just write the stories.

That's why it's in this thread.

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