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Purple Prince posted:ally feel worthy to post here but I wanted to highlig D&D is leaking
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Dec 16, 2013 04:18
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God Over Djinn posted:time's up motherfuckers, submissions are closed. Thanks kindly for submitting to my cruel and vicious whimsy. jump onto irc or email me crabrock at gmail . does this actually fool anything?
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Dec 16, 2013 07:04
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Crits! My crits this week are in the form of .gifs I took from the first season of Burning Love. Helsing posted:The Lord of Skyguard  This isn't going to work how you think it will. I didn't think your writing was horrible, but the lead judge hated it so suck it. Also it was pretty boring and the dialect didn't seem to matter at all, so I couldn't really argue for you. foutre posted:Nowhere Man and a Valley Girl  You were my second pick because your story was fun to read, even though I think you slipped into "AOL early 90's" speak a few times. I wasn't a fan of your ending, but meh. Bitchtits McGee posted:Bonny Brinna - 993 wards  Holy crap. Why? I spent the most time on this entry, and got the least out of it. You made me do work for no reason. UGH. Why does it matter that this guy speaks with this dialect? Why are his internal thoughts spoken in this dialect? Why do you hate your reader? Don't do this! Mercedes posted:Untitled  A bunch of stereotypes and racism. You're pretty much doing paint by numbers here. Like this is what I suspect racist people think the future will be like. You're getting slightly better in that you actually tried to tell a story about two people and their relationship, but you still have somebody beating a kid unconscious with a cane and tons of slurs. Obliterati posted:The Matter of the Succession  Whatever you were going for, it didn't work. I probably owe it to you to go back and read this again, but drat was it boring, I just kind of glazed over every time I tried. Maybe because I hate period pieces? Tyrannosaurus posted:Five Star  I liked this the best. I thought you were given lemons and you tried to make lemonade. I liked the cultural background you included, and I don't think this story could have been told with a different dialect/culture and still be the same story. You drive your point home a little too hard. A little bit more subtle and this would be a good piece.
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Dec 16, 2013 21:45
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DreamingofRoses posted:Oh, and this "crabrock" fellow, 'Tis the season. 
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Dec 17, 2013 07:19
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this is a fun prompt. in
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Dec 17, 2013 19:03
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ITT we bitch at judges when we lose.
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Dec 18, 2013 23:29
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 The Leper Colon V posted:
crabrock fucked around with this message at 23:51 on Dec 18, 2013 |
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Dec 18, 2013 23:34
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Bad Seafood posted:It's time. been waitin' for this.
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Dec 21, 2013 01:00
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ugh. this is going to mess up the chart.
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Dec 22, 2013 23:02
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The Legend of Earl Hammerton 803 words Earl Hammerton coded with the speed of seven Indian techs, wore out keyboards faster than a two-dollar whore's off-brand fishnets. The office was so thick with smoke, swears, and code it oppressed the rest of floor three and forced them down low. For any who stood would surely be gored by wayward keys from his shattered keyboards. His desk was an old storm shelter door, and under him was a steel-reinforced floor. There had never been a request that could flummox ol’ Earl, that is before Christmas Eve when entered an ol’er Ms. Pearl. “Your boss told me you are a beast of a man,” and Ms. Pearl rang out with her squall of a plan. "I’ve got more pills than Pfizer, and a brain that’s half broken. I’m told you’re the coder who can keep me from croakin’. If you are as good as they say, with no fear of the mayhem: I need something that tells me how, when, an’ with what to take ‘em.” Earl didn’t cower, or even respond; he swung around in his chair and stifled a yawn. He created a git repository, inserted a caffeine suppository, and started pounding away on his third unlucky keyboard of that cold winter day. Before she could sputter another demand, Earl swiveled back around and held up his hand. He’d already finished and exceeded all measures, he gave her the bill and said "It was a pleasure." But the old lady coughed instead of hitting the road. "I can't take Prilosec with Clopidogrel or my heart will explode." Earl smiled politely and went back to her app, fixing the issue in one minute flat. "It’s no problem ma'am, just a little code tweak." It would have taken a team a whole ‘nother week. Ms. Pearl pecked at her phone and let out a sigh: "If I take Linezolid after dinner I'm certain to die." Earl Hammerton took a deep breath and let it out slowly; two grievances for one app made him seem lowly. But he was a pro and he swallowed his pride. “Still not a problem,” he blatantly lied. He sat at his desk and stared at the screen, his mind raced to come up with some better scheme. The silence was new and alarmed the whole office, his coworkers crept up to observe Earl in his process. He suddenly leapt back to the keys, striking them harder than axes on trees. The whole office shook, making others flinch, by the time he was finished the floor had lowered an inch. “Certainly you’ll find this up to your standards.” But Ms. Pearl had complaints that bordered on slander. “Can you move this over here, and that over there?” Earl hung his head, deep in despair. He smashed out another and thought this’ll make do, while Ms. Pearl waved out to the folks on floor two. She said: “It looks better, but still isn’t right.” They went back and forth all through the night. In the morning Earl had smashed his office down to the lobby. Ms. Pearl tapped her toes and was being quite snobby. “They said you’re the best, but I don’t see how that could be true. You do code with zest, but this is a hullabaloo.” Earl bit his tongue and got back on task, sneaking a drink from his Christmas ‘nog flask. It warmed his insides, for the air had become cold, down in their hole five feet below. Above them was as dead as could be, for everyone was at home trending gifts under the tree. Still Ms. Pearl refused to relent, despite ol’ Earl’s valiant attempts. “Please Lady, I just want to go home.” “Then stop dawdling and spruce up that chrome.” Earl fulfilled her every request, but nothing was good enough, not even his best. As they descended toward hell, Ms. Pearl grew silent, the slow shakes of her head belied the great tyrant. With only one keyboard left, and no energy to burn, Earl didn’t even raise his head as he gently pressed “return.” This time was different, Ms. Pearl didn’t attack. She just smiled at him, folded her hands and leaned back. “It’s a splendid app, my dear boy, but it’s Christmas for Heaven’s sake: go home and enjoy.” # Some say it was the fires of hell that thawed her cold heart, and others that Earl had just coded the best app ever seen in these parts. Whatever the reason, it matters not, for at that moment Ms. Pearl’s heart had stopped. Earl ascended the mountain of orphaned keys, crawled out of the hole and onto his knees. But his escape was bittersweet, and his stomached begged for something to eat. It was still Christmas but Earl couldn’t cheer, because he had been down underground for a whole goddamned year.
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Dec 23, 2013 05:01
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watching all these brawls with people who don't even regularly thunderdome is lot like what i imagine dropping several loaded assault rifles into the middle of an elemetry school playground would be like. can you idiots stop brawling each other now, for gently caress's sake?
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Dec 24, 2013 04:47
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You don't gotta post crits at the same time you judge. Most people read the stories, discuss with their fellow judges, and then post crits later in the week. Critting 17 stories is a huge effort.
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Dec 24, 2013 06:14
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The sheriff is off duty; grab the fireworks and cats. Chat chat chat
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Dec 25, 2013 01:21
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SH is posting the new thread and Kaoshai is posting second part with results/archive days correct? The only thing i think TD is missing is a mandatory toxx to enter the week after you sign up but fail to submit. Real men (and manly women) already voluntarily do it. Excuses and multiweek failures are becoming too commonplace.
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Dec 25, 2013 04:15
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Has a judge ever just NOT judged? foutre, you need to spit some names at us. We're quickly getting to the point where there will be no time for this week.
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Dec 25, 2013 22:42
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It's ok, Seadoof has already put you in the "dropped out" list. prompt is give cavemen something they wouldn't normally have (Flintstones) or have them discovering something and write it like a scifi novel. put scifi tropes in caveman times. crabrock fucked around with this message at 00:07 on Dec 26, 2013 |
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Dec 25, 2013 23:38
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Kaishai posted:
Shark Week 996 words Deep beneath the waves, under the artificial sonar bubble that masked their kingdom from the landwalkers, awash in the glow of the 10,000 anglerwatt spotlights that slowly oscillated through the dark waters, swam three mermen on their way home, fresh off their shifts. Donovan, a MerCowboy and amateur model, tipped the brim of his hat to Toby, the MerContractor and also an amateur model. Were it not for the water they lived in, both would be glistening with sweat from a hard day’s work. They were joined by Derick, who had just dropped off his last package for his day job as a MerMailman and was headed to his evening gig as an amateur model. “‘Nother satisfyin’ day of contributing positively to society,” said Toby. He had a piece of seaweed stuck in the corner of his mouth, and it bobbed up and down as he spoke. Toby nodded. “I can’t wait until I get my paycheck tomorrow, so I can see how much I’ve contributed in taxes.” Derick scoffed. “Now that my modeling is taking off, I’m up to 65% bracket.” The others looked down in shame. The three friends made plans for the weekend while the other MerWorkers swam below them toward their homes or photoshoots. Donovan saw a large blob swimming against the flow. He held his finger up to his lips and pointed toward the corpulent mass who had veered off. “What a waste of water,” said Derick. Barry was the sole surviving heir to the family fortune. “A truly vile creature,” said Toby. The other two agreed. “I know we’re supposed to value the contributions of all, but what has Barry ever done?” asked Donovan. Derick shrugged. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen him away from his mansion. I deliver a lot of packages there. He is never even dressed. It’s like he doesn’t believe in accessorizing.” Toby leaned in closer and whispered. “I heard he never even tried to be a model.” The others gasped. “Somebody should do something.” “Like who?” asked Derick. “Officer Ripped? He’s busy tracking down the octopus who snuck into the clambake last week. Plus it’s not a crime to be a greedy crab.” “It’s too bad we couldn’t do something,” said Donovan. The three friends watched the merfatty wander aimlessly. Donovon’s eyes lit up. “Wait, why don’t we?” “What do you mean?” asked Derick. Donovan spoke rapidly. “We all know that the point of life is to help others. What if there was some way we could make Barry give up his inheritance? His wealth could feed hundreds of merorphans.” Toby sighed. “The shark attacks have been frequent this year.” “But how? He will never listen to us,” said Derick. “He never even says thanks for his packages. He’s always so aloof.” Barry floated onto his side then struggled to right himself: over-correcting and tipping to the other side. “I dare say that merman is intoxicated,” said Donovan. “Perhaps he will listen to reason.” He cupped his hands to his mouth and called: “Hey Barry! Over here!” Barry jumped and looked around him. When he noticed the friends, he flipped his tail at them and swam away. “What a jerk,” said Derick. “I’m afraid if we’re going to do something, it’s not going to be through talk.” “It’s too bad a shark couldn’t attack him,” muttered Toby. “What did you say?” asked Donovan. “Just thinking how many merpeople it’d help if he were to disappear. I know it’s wrong to think that.” “Is it though? Not helping somebody in need is the greatest mer-sin of all.” “So is it a greater sin to hurt Barry, or to let him live?” asked Derick. Barry’s silhouette grew tinier on the edge of the lights. A bristlemouth fish swam by, and Donovan reached out and grabbed it. The fish started to thrash, but he covered its eyes with his hand and put it under a calming spell. “I have a plan,” said Donovan. “We swim Barry out beyond the lights, chum up the water, and get the hell out of there. Nobody will ever find him.” “We’re seriously considering this then?” asked Toby. His hands shook as he talked. “It’s the perfect opportunity,” said Derick. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen him out of his mansion. We owe it to the kingdom to free up that money and help those children.” Donovan nodded. Toby “But it is murder. The second greatest crime.” “Listen, Toby. This was your idea in the first place. We only have a few more minutes to decide if we’re gonna do this.” Toby nodded his head, but he wouldn’t look his friends in the eyes. Donovan tucked the fish under his arm, and swam full-speed to catch up with Barry. They led the disoriented merman out away from the spotlights and into the cold waters of the open sea. Barry only struggled for a little before he started laughing at nothing. In the faint light, it was hard to see what was happening. Donovan unsheathed his knife and held it above the fish. “Do it,” said Derick. “No wait!” Somebody grabbed Donovan’s wrist. He wrestled with the assailant, noticing that the corpulent Barry was much stronger than he looked. In a flurry of scales and blood, Donovan plunged the knife into his attacker’s gut and twisted it. Almost instantly, the friends made out the bustle of sharks swimming toward the chum. “It’s done, let’s get out of here!” shouted Donovan, and he scurried back toward the light. # A small fishing boat danced on the waves in the mid-Atlantic. The two men on board struggled to pull the heavy net. When they finally got it on board, half of a large fish fell out of the net. “What the gently caress is that?” asked one of the men. The other shrugged, and poked at it with a stick. “I don’t know, but it seems to be wearing a toolbelt.” crabrock fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Dec 26, 2013 |
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Dec 26, 2013 06:02
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DreamingofRoses posted:You know what's amazing? Trying to open the document with your story in it only to find an earlier half-written version and then going on a 2-hour hunt to see if you can find the other version which is time you could have spent rewriting it. wait a minute. wasn't posting an excuse the whole reason we got into this mess? I guess I shall repeat myself: 
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Dec 26, 2013 06:04
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DreamingofRoses posted:Thank you! I'll be expecting you to challenge me to a rematch after a little while. Maybe after some more 'doming.
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Dec 27, 2013 07:50
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Oh yeah, I can do that I guess. SUBMISSIONS CLOSED
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Dec 28, 2013 07:04
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Posts by LCV: 22 Thunderdome stories by LCV: 0 Posts by Oxxidation: 16 Thunderdome stories by Oxxidation: 3 (won 2)
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Dec 29, 2013 18:11
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I'm going to go watch an episode of TV, and then when I come back submissions are closed and I'm gonna judge the poo poo out of these stories.
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Dec 30, 2013 05:46
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Submissions closed The judges now skulk off to the judge cave where we will confer in secret. If you see white smoke coming from the judge cave, it means that we have accidentally set something on fire. Send help. crabrock fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Dec 30, 2013 |
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Dec 30, 2013 06:36
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SUBMISSIONS CLOSED again Looks like our only failure this week is Bitchtits McFailure.
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Dec 30, 2013 09:04
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THUNDERDOME 73 RESULTS POST Hello fellow technologically impaired brothers and sisters. Before we get to our regularly scheduled programming, I want to take a second to shame one person above all this week. Bitchtits McGee This rear end in a top hat snuck in under the wire, when signups had already technically closed, and I allowed it because we hadn't explicitly said so. Then what does he do? HE DOESN'T SUBMIT ANYTHING. What a jerk. Furthermore, he was the only participant to NOT submit a story. The last time we had a perfect record was a YEAR ago. 1-1-2013 to be precise. So not only is he personally a piece of poo poo, but he's also a communal piece of poo poo. Way to go buddy! Good thing you were in IRC chatting it up instead of writing your god drat story. Back to the main event. The judges have convened and done their judgerly duties.  I'll be glad to see 2013 go if these are the sort of stories that epitomize this year. Our loser this week is No Longer Flaky. We're not really sure what you thought was going to happen when you submitted your story. Honestly. We were all in agreement that it was the second worst story of the week. But you get a shiny new avatar! Purple Prince, you shouldn't be smiling too much though, because you barely escaped this judgement. Enjoy the brown smear of poo poo next to your story, you dishonorable shmuck. Inthesto, you get a dishonorable mention for just totally eschewing the prompt and writing a story about...something. Who the gently caress knows. Onto the brighter side of things, two stalwart heroes saw the poo poo being slung and stood shoulder to shoulder to bring the collective "unshittiness" of the dome up a few pegs. Honorable mention to Muffin and sebmojo for doing what they do almost every week: not suck. This week's winner, for giving us a story about the uncultured interacting with spacemen and SMASHING THEIR loving FACES IN is Roguelike. We all had some issues with your story, but it's a story on-prompt, is not a 500 word long joke, and actually had an interesting protag that wasn't just "hurrr, cavemen are dumb." Roguelike, it's now your responsibility to make a new prompt and to choose some experienced co-judges to guide you on your journey. However! You should wait for the new thread to post it. So get it all written up and sit on it. The new thread is coming.............. until then: dick haikus. Oh, and one more mention now that it comes to mind. The ultraloser of the week is The Leper Colon V. When you write a story with no point, you don't even get the dignity of having your story judged in the same capacity as other writers who actually tried. Good thing you already have all the advice you need to the left of all your posts. crabrock fucked around with this message at 04:58 on Dec 31, 2013 |
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Dec 31, 2013 04:55
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Raw beef: quarter pound. Usually eat it well-done; got blood on my nose. got two urethras. no big deal but my pee forks. forks: effect and cause. penis waves in wind inviting all to come play then bites like angry snake crabrock fucked around with this message at 06:31 on Dec 31, 2013 |
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Dec 31, 2013 06:23
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