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In for thunderdome
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Mar 28, 2013 14:16
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| # ¿ Dec 12, 2025 06:59 |
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aight, first submission to the thunderdome. 957 words. And yes, I have sharp glass in my rear end in a top hat. Lets keep it civil Title: Vambraces at Sea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7fuuDc2hH0 Lena shivered in the sea air. Another wave threatened to soak her again. The boat rolled down a steep wave. She held tightly to the small mast as the sea water soaked her green cloth pantaloons and rabbit fur vambraces. It will matter little. Her rough leather cuirass will hold against her sister’s attacks. Lena looked behind her to the small boat chasing her. She could see the ten men working swiftly to move the boat into position. Her sister locked eyes with her. Rama bowed irrespectively in her tightly fitted battle-maiden dress. The leather fit her firm torso and thighs with stone lines around her body to stop any slashing attacks. Her arms were covered in the fur of some unknown animal. Lena’s sister always dressed elaborately for murdering siblings. Lena signaled for the sails to stop. The men cut the sails while Lena swiftly sliced through the mast. There was no retreat. The men dived into the sea. She was alone. She faced her sister with their slave-brothers. Let them come. The silhouettes jumping through the air were betrayed by the lightning striking the sea in the far distance. Lena ducked through their jumping attack onto her boat and swiftly sliced through the first slave-brother’s bare chest. Red viscous fluid damped her blue silk sash around her waist as she carved through the screaming male. Their wooden daggers would not find purchase. The slave-brothers came en masse. She stepped over the slain one, noticing his loin cloth had slipped off. Nothing but the best for her sister, Lena thought. You would think in this freezing rain they would have some other piece of clothing. Two struck out with their wooden daggers and fierce eyes. Lena just smiled as she sliced their hands off. They dove into the sea in fear. “Sister. I did not know you so fiercely desired our throne,” Rama said seductively, walking past the slave-brothers into sight. Lena held her battle posture, gold circlet falling slightly over her eye. “I survive to see you stay forever as princess, sister. All of Glaima will suffer at your hands. I will die before I let you ascend,” Lena shouted. Rama squinted and smiled. She pulled a sword off her back. Lena noticed the water falling off her fur gauntlets and dampening her goose skin boots. She would not be as mobile as normal in this rain. Lena struck first. She took two steps and slipped her right dagger along her wrist while thrusting to the side with her left. Let her attack my torso. Rama snapped the sword upward in her center and took a step backward. The slave-brothers jumped into Lena’s path. With Lena’s last step, she spun herself, slicing through the wooden daggers in her way. Two slave-brothers lost their head to Lena’s athletic force as Rama burst forward. While spinning, Lena used her momentum and Rama’s attack to push herself upside down into the air, over Rama, as the sword entered an unfortunate slave. Rama’s puzzled look turned to shock as she realized her mistake. Lena took her hair. Three slaves remained. Rama clutched furiously at her bloody stump of a head. The slave brothers kneeled. Lena laughed as she presented the five feet of hair removed from Rama’s head. The blue ribbon holding it together came apart. The hair was claimed by the wind and blew out to sea. “You…Monster…” Rama screamed, every ounce of her flesh shuddering. The slave-brothers did not move. They served Lena now. “Come, my sister. Let us see what cruel fate is in store for you,” Lena whispered, winking at her sister. Rama screamed in rage and pedaled as hard as she could across the small boat. Her sword angled toward Lena and began to slash easily across the middle. Lena burst forward at the moment Rama was in the air between steps. Lena sliced the sword to the side and worked herself inside Rama’s defense. With a kiss on Rama’s cheek, the dagger pierced her soft silk dress and chest. They both fell to the deck together. Lena dug the hilt of the dagger as far into Rama’s chest as possible. Rama coughed blood onto Lena’s dark emerald amulet. She cried out in agony before opening her eyes again. “My dear sister, it didn’t have to end like this,” Lena said softly, twisting the dagger through the leather sword holster on Rama’s back. Rama sputtered blood and shook uncontrollably. Her tears and life slowly drained from her face. “Lena, I have one final request,” she stuttered. Her breathing turned to rasping. Lena watched her sister’s eyes revert to her younger self. When they laughed and played together. This was her last family. She would be alone from here on out, even if her sister was a murderous psychopath. She leaned in closer, lifting her hand from the hilt of the dagger. “Yes, my sister. What is your request?” she whispered into Rama’s ear. It slipped past her purple cloak, through her silk undershirt, and into her lung. No more breath. The dagger Rama had kept hidden. With every single ounce of strength left, Lena had been stabbed in the back. “Die with me, dear, sister,” Rama whispered. Lena gasped for air. There was only blood inside her lungs. They stared into each other’s eyes one last time. Rama stopped gasping. She moved no more. Lena tried to reach behind her. She could not find the blade in her back. She fell off Rama to attempt to dislodge the perturbed weapon. It only drove it farther in. She lost the strength to move. Her eyelids became heavy. She felt no pain. She thought she would feel pain in her last moments. There was only light. Khris Kruel fucked around with this message at 18:57 on Mar 31, 2013 |
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Mar 29, 2013 21:21
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Thanks for the crit. Opened my eyes. Anyone care to recommend a good battle scene that builds tension and is enjoyable to read? I'm actually writing a book and half of it is combat, and there's a problem if I can't write a gripping battle scene Khris Kruel fucked around with this message at 04:04 on Apr 2, 2013 |
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Apr 2, 2013 03:55
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Nubile Hillock posted:How far in are you? It may be time to reconsider. Perhaps ask the fine people in the Book Barn to suggest some reading? I'm almost done. 100k words all ready. Time isn't a factor, I will keep reediting it until its perfect
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Apr 2, 2013 11:40
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