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Been hemming and hawing over this poo poo all week. gently caress it. In.
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Oct 18, 2013 21:38
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| # ¿ Apr 23, 2024 14:14 |
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Ugh. ---- Total Cost of Ownership (750 words) When she started talking kids, I asked a friend what all that was going to cost me. He ran through the stuff I figured--diapers, crib, car seats--and then the stuff I hadn't thought about yet--daycare, college savings plans, and life insurance. "I get that through work already." "Not for you, for the kid." "The hell for?" "Just in case. It's cheap, and if poo poo happens, coming up with the cash for a kid funeral is the last thing you'd need." The cavalier way he said "kid funeral" struck me funny--like there'd be a sad clown and a black bounce house. But I didn't want to sound insensitive. "How much can a shoebox and a shovel cost?" # I never really came to terms with her being pregnant. Insisted it was just gas. When she called and said her water broke, I told her maybe she had to poop. # I did the best I could in the delivery room, positioning myself low and back near her head, where I wouldn't have to see anything gooey. Eight hours of playing encouraging husband later, she finally fired the thing out. They took it--him--over to the other side of the room to do whatever it is they do while the doctor sewed her up. A few minutes later they asked me to come over to them and meet my son, take pictures, bond, do whatever. I asked them to wheel out the bucket of placenta first. # In case you haven't had the pleasure, newborns are a pain in the rear end. They're not even cute right away, and they have zero personality. They just eat, poo poo, and sleep, on a three hour cycle. In between, you scramble to prepare for the next go-round, and that's your life for, I'm told, the first few months. You can't really blame them, though, it's a sweet deal and I'd have been jealous if I wasn't so exhausted. # About two months in it got better. The routine didn't change any, but by that point he could smile, and as lame as that sounds it made all the difference. I still woke up in the middle of the night enraged that the little poo poo was up, but when his face would light up when he saw me walk in, the anger shook right off. The way they look at you, all happy like you're all that matters in the world, it's contagious. Anyone that can get that reaction can't be such an rear end in a top hat, right? The first time he threw up all over me and we both laughed, I knew I was stuck. # When managing sleep and an infant, it's all about respecting the turn system. If you took midnight, she'd get three, and it's your turn again at six. There's no need to set an alarm, you just get the bottle ready and sleep until they let you know it's time. That morning, I woke up around 8:30, almost-refreshed for the first time since he was born. Nothing felt off, yet. She woke up as I was brushing my teeth, and I thanked her for taking my turn. She said she didn't. Our eyes went wide and we ran down to his room to check on him. Ashen. Gone. The site of it, him-but=not-him, hit like a punch in the gut, sucking the wind right out of me. I couldn't breath. I couldn't make a sound. She didn't have that problem--I'll never not hear that scream. # The other lovely thing about SIDS is that there's nothing to blame. It's a diagnosis of exclusion, meaning no one knows what the gently caress. When it's drunk driver, a particularly virulent flu, even a dingo--at least there's something external you can hate. Absent that, there's just you. If only you had gotten up earlier, or laid him down in a different position, fed him a little earlier, held him a little longer, or done any of a million little things that shouldn't have ever mattered but are now all you ever think about. Before long I couldn't look at her anymore. I just saw his eyes looking back at me, a sad, broken version of them. Just a constant reminder of our failure. She felt the same way, and it sort of worked itself out in time. So as for what kids cost, beyond the usual list, there's a chance it could be half your stuff and any sense of meaning in your life. I asked--the insurance won't cover that.
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Oct 21, 2013 02:34
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Various responsibilities need a good shirking this week--in.
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Nov 12, 2013 02:08
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I need to renege this week, and bring shame upon my family. Some other time.
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Nov 16, 2013 04:00
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