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SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
Twitter gets to decide who of the bottom two goes home, in real time. This should end well.

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shadow puppet of a
Jan 10, 2007

NO TENGO SCORPIO


Not watching live so apparently I missed a Ruben Studdard drop-by, which is a shame. Onwards to.

Nick: What is this Chris Martin bullshit. Other than likely being more than enough to get him through for several weeks. Not a lot of pogo-bounce in those 29 year old knees. Nick gets about 3 jumps in and calls it a stage direction accompli.

Jax: The fingerless gloves are back. Good for them. Tilt-shift backdrop make Jax look like a floating elf-sprite about to be dissected in an alchemist's laboratory. This song is balls. Jax needs toe-less socks for this ensemble. Manages to be just as boring as Nick, but no total collapse out there.

Skipping the group number because who cares about them.

Tyanna: Feels like a first-week-in-Hollywood performance. Not working well with the background singers. But the moss-hair is rockin. Song choice was terrible, again.

And I miss Candice Glover apparently too. If Lil' Rounds shows up next I'm going to need somebody to post these to youtube.

Ol' JoJo: Arrangement is smartly done. Joey will be safe as long as she can keep getting the producers to play along. Her grip-the-vintage-mic-tenderly scene goes very badly.

Not sure how far Kelly Clarkson is going to get singing memorex'ed Katy Perry songs but living in her xerox'ed Adele phase.

Quentin: If that was a shock collar, I'd have activated it after the first bar. This needs to end. Quentin has failed to evolved, but also devolve. Is he how a Quentimander or a Quentfing Someone please make the apropos pokemon joke, I've never played it.

Qassim: This could have been alright. Quassim just isn't capable of putting out the buttery vocal that would need.

Hi Randy. Bye Randy.

Brice "Clark" Beckham: Competent and rote, but on some level I'm just happy to see the kid from Mr. Belvedere grow up and make something of himself.

Ahahaah, The Seev vs The Hat fight each other to death. Rayvon has to remind himself to hide the poo poo-eating grin wile The Seev's vocal register leaves the building.

The Hat is up next. Likely to win based on song choice, but likely to lose by virtue of not being The Seev. Fuckin hell how does The Hat manage to make this song so drat maudlin. Seev has to hide a grin of his own as Hat does his cruise ship warble that at this point is as repetitive and rote as the ball return at a bowling alley.

Oh wow, we've been de-Seeved. If the voting was tallied on Kik I think the tables would have turned. Twitter is old-folk territory, please go home next week "Rayvon"

Homestar Runner
Oct 9, 2012

This is the best videogame
I have ever played!
Aussie recap --


Nick: uhh this is in a ridiculously low key. Probably a conscious decision on part of Nick to make sure he got enough volume behind his non-melodic, out of tune chorus high "notes" in. Judges give a bunch of advice on improving movement or some dumb poo poo, how bout learning to sing an actual melody I dunno just spitballin here.


Jax: k so some parts of this were a bit flat pitchwise, and some other parts were a bit overly breathy and tuneless, but the fact that Jax manages to a) sprinkle in some rather pretty notes and b) put the song over with at least a pinch of confidence still puts her pretty much at the top of the flaming trash heap that is this competition.


Tyana: gotta be a tough song to sing and despite Borchetta's (meek-rear end) promo I didn't get any emotion or "fighter" out of it, like, at all. Harry Connick Jr almost makes an insightful point about how she essentially performs in a box to no-one and nothing in particular and then backs out of it like the total frickin wimp that he is.


Joey: oh god she's gonna do Miss Independent swing-jazz style. This girl could not be more annoying. ok, surprise -- I actually agree with the poster above that the arrangement is okay, but the gesturing and angry gyrating is still fuckin ridiculous and she sings pretty much out of her nose so uh yeah why am I watching this


Quentin: lol the preview video demonstrates how terrible this performance is guaranteed to be. Quentin's tone is whack as gently caress. and I said this last time but holy poo poo he is lazy as balls with his phrasing and pitch. That was some of the most ear-violating, out of key bullshit I ever heard Quentin. Harry Connick Jr basically tells him he's got zero clue/potential/future, rightfully so.


Qaasim: lmao what the gently caress is this garbage. chorus can only be described as total rear end. Qaasim might have the worst falsetto in the history of singing competitions. Connick Jr remembers that he has a pair of balls and is on a roll now telling people how bad they suck, bout time.


Clark: I don't care what anyone says this dude's entire vocal style oscillates between total fricking wimp and delusional high-note ruiner. He sucks oh and btw has the charisma of an ant


Seev: ok now this kid really, really, REALLY can't sing. also how can he simultaneously be clearly the youngest and still put over the most dated, geriatric old-man performances of anyone in the show? is that a talent in itself? Seev fuckin dominates dat poo poo.


Rayvon: holy gently caress Rayvon wants to outdo Seev for boring old-man horseshit. it's a dual to the death, where only one dated-rear end hotel lobby karaoke act can survive. the part where he says "I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN..." is an apt reflection of my feelings towards Rayvon appearing on my TV screen every goddamn week.


Annnnnnd the winner is ... Rayvon! well gently caress. there really are no winners in war. only losers and people with fedoras.


TL;DR :suicide:

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
AMERICAN IDOL XIV - TOP 8 REVEALED

It's Kelly Clarkson night. Does that mean they're singing all Kelly Clarkson songs? Holy poo poo what a terrible idea. Also this is making me feel how old I am. Oh well.

Let's hear our results! Here's Ruben Studdard for no loving reason!

Idol Save is the old Voice Twitter Save. Yeesh. First safe is...

Old Nick, "Catch My Breath": (0/10) He can't. This is pitched down nearly an entire octave into the Fuel key and he still can't hit a note on key. This was terrible.

Jax, "Beautiful Disaster": (3.5/10) Her pacing was the worst part of this, but just barely. Breathy and pitch-free but the tone was almost there. But it wasn't, ultimately. Went completely off the rails once she stood up.

"People Like Us" was pre-recorded but didn't sound like it. So many pitch problems and sour harmonies that I can't begin to elucidate them.

Tyanna Jones, "Mr. Know It All": (-3/10) Tyanna's appeal is that she's soclose to the pitch, but this performance disproved that notion. The bar was set too high but she still fell on her rear end.

Joey Cook, "Miss Independent": (-5/10) Atonal. I am so done with Joey.

Kelly performs and I drink more craft beer.

Huey Kravitz, "Dark Side": (-7/10) Mr Half-Step-Off picks a song of entirely half-steps and shits the bed. Utter garbage.

Qaasim Midleton, "Stronger": (-9/10) Yet another Worst Idol vocal that was almost good before the chorus. The crowd is completely silent while the judges gently reduce him to rubble.

Clark Beckham, "The Trouble With Love Is": (-6/10) I guess this was just too many notes for Clark to keep straight. So bland and dull. Rote competency can't save him anymore. And this time I agree with Homestar Runner that his overreaching was absolutely atrocious on the final chorus. My cat ran out of the room on the glory note.

THE BOTTOM TWO
Daniel Seavey, "Breakaway": (2/10) He seemed like he was about to cry the whole time. I wish he did instead of singing. He also said "Chake a tance" more than once. With all that said, he was almost the best of the night.

Rayvon Owen, "Since U Been Gone": (4/10) Hahahaha this isn't a sad song you doofus. Rayvon is officially emotionally tone-deaf. What he was going for was so lovely but he did achieve it. Best of the night? Fuckin hell.

The Seev is defeated, as are we all.

Having now though about it, there was no way this could have been more of a disaster of a night. Not even the P!nk songbook is this challenging. See you next week for the P!nk songbook!

SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 22:49 on Apr 2, 2015

pigdog
Apr 23, 2004

by Smythe
Her first song was autotuned as hell, but the second one was quite nice. I'm glad Frenchie Davis ended up with a career afterall.

Pretty much everything about this show is horrible at this point.

Needs More Ditka
Dec 3, 2005

We are ruthless and ask no quarter from you. When our turn comes we shall not disguise our terrorism.
Kelly Clarkson Night

It's the top nine and we've learned something valuable for our everyday lives: Kelly Clarkson apparently has nine whole songs! Let's do this poo poo!

loving ahahahahaha the show is going to be affected by loving Twitter.

Olive Garden Is His Day Job - Catching My Breath - It somehow turned into a Vanessa Carlton song. Sung by a dude. Not a good combination. Just ask the Wayans Brothers. (2/10)

Hot Topic Zelda - Beautiful Disaster - I'm bored. Play an ocarina or something. (3/10)

Ryan Seacrest is physically incapable of not stepping on her dress. The anti-smooth. According to Harry he is also naturally cold.

Group of Auto-Tuned Oddities - People Like Us - I don't know who arranged this poo poo but this is the least inspiring anthem ever. No feeling, no rock. I'm relatively certain this arrangement will be performed at Kelly Clarkson's funeral. (-10/10)

The RainFro - Mr. Know-It-All - I hate this song and no matter how well or poorly it's sung I'll always hate it. No rating.

Gordon Ramsay is here! Make sure to use plenty of herbs in your beer can chicken. Also old Idols, but no one cares about them so let's get our crazy hair colors going!

DJ Jazzy Joe - Miss Independent - lollin that her promo was all about sucking at Cyndi Lauper. She makes me somehow not hate this song. Another successful stop on her line to becoming the female Richard Cheese. (8/10)

Kelly Clarkson - Heartbeat Song -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T2n_n9H67g

shadow puppet of a posted:

Is he how a Quentimander or a Quentfing Someone please make the apropos pokemon joke, I've never played it.

QuentinPuff - Dark Side -

wikipedia posted:

Jigglypuff are characterized by putting their enemies to sleep by singing a lullaby.[8] Before beginning to sing, they mesmerize the opponent with their soft, glowing eyes, and if they inflate themselves, they can sing for longer periods of time.[8][9] They can easily adjust the wavelength of their voices to that of the brain waves of a sleeping being, allowing for their melody to put its audience to sleep.[10] They sing without pausing to take a breath, so if the opponent is resistant to sleeping, they potentially run out of air.

(zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz/10)

BoyzIIClarkson - Stronger - I don't hate it. I don't like it. It's just kind of there, making it one of the least offensive performances of the evening. (5/10)

More Kelly Clarkson - At Last - KeithUrban'sShirt.jpg

Junior Manager In Daddy's Business - The Trouble With Love Is - Other than the last note, it's just another week of pretty white boy with big voice. He completely whiffed on the money note though. (6/10)

Aaron Carter - Break Away - Even Kelly knows this sucks. I have no idea how this unimpressive kid made it this far. (-30/10)

Headwear Henley - Since You Been Gone - I very much love lush orchestration. Unfortunately I'm not too fond of this guy. (2/10)

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
THE VOICE - LIVE SHOWS BEGIN

I've skipped like the last three weeks so I don't even know what's going on and I don't care. I just have to recap something that might be better than the current, worst, season of Idol. I'm also drinking Duchesse du Borgogne and loving life so let's see how this goes. The Ghost of Dean Martin isn't available because he's still passed out, that lightweight.

I don't know the theme or anything that's happening because I fast-forwarded through the first 10 minutes. Here we gooooooooo

Okay it's Blake and Pharrell night. And we're stripped down? Well sure.

Adam Levine has a hot pink Steve Vai Fender strat that he plays for 10 seconds. I'm sick of "Sugar" but it's a good song.

<Team Blake> Sarah Potenza, "Freebird" (10/10) Her gimmicky glasses are too much, as is her white leather fringe jacket. I wish I could see her eyes. This was far and away better than any vocal on Idol this season, but I'm hesitant to assign a grade right away without seeing if there's a grading curve present that I'm not used to. For now though, that's a solid 10. Wow.

<Team Pharrell> Caitlyn Caporale, "What Goes Around Comes Around" (10/10) Pitch perfection, honest performance style that doesn't copycat the original in any way. I sound like a voice coach right now but that was so loving good. Why am I still watching Idol?

<Team Blake> Hannah Kirby, "I Feel The Earth Move" (10/10) I hate this song. Why am I so into this? She's performing the hell out of this and she's perfectly in tune no matter where she takes the melody and she's taking it for an uphill run. This was amazing. WHY AM I STILL WATCHING IDOL.

For the record I have given 10s to everyone so far. This has to turn a corner at some point if only because this isn't Idol S5. Also I'm not even drunk yet so I can't blame it on inebriated optimism. This feels like a revelation in singshows so far and I can't accept that wholeheartedly.

<Team Pharrell> Lowell Oakley, "Jealous" (2.5/10) Phew. I'm not that high. His pitch was all over the map even if his natural vocal tone was beautiful, and his falsetto was trash.

Christina looks like Lucille Ball wearing a fright wig from a more German version of The Ring.

<Team Pharrell> Mia Zanotti, "Ain't No Sunshine" (7/10) Peerless arrangement, and she keeps the quirky affects mostly in check but gets a bit sharp in places where she could show more control. Felt like she was a bit uncomfortable, but still quite good.

<Team Pharrell> Koryn Hawthorne, "How Great Thou Art" (4.5/10) Quavering to the point of pitchlessness but a fantastic performance, and ultimately reflective of a poor song choice. I hear a mountain of potential in her instrument that was only alluded to here.

<Team Blake> Corey Kent White, "To Make You Feel My Love" (3/10) Too rehearsed by halfand seriously lacking in mic skills. Bad pacing and he knows his crossover country beats a bit too well. poo poo closing note. Mediocre presented as minimal, and unsuccessful at both.

<Team Blake> Brooke Adee, "Love Me Like You Do" (2/10) Modern and inept but still lacking in soul. Amy Lee sings Ariana Grande. Getting tired. So are the coaches.

<Team Blake> Meghan Linsey, "Love Runs Out" (1/10) Schizophrenic tuning highlighted by unabashed shouting. The best karaoke you've heard that you can't remember 10 minutes later, much less the next day.

<Team Pharrell> Sawyer Fredericks, "Trouble" (4/10) Too copycat for my taste but undeniably soulful. A far step up from The seev. Also this guy looks too much like Sarah Chalke and Michael Fishman had a kid for me to be comfortable. Just so directionless but stil okay.

yeah okay goodnight

shadow puppet of a
Jan 10, 2007

NO TENGO SCORPIO


FYI, just 8 more days to enter the contest where you can win a phonecall from X-Factor Season 2's CeCe Frey. If you are one of the chosen lucky ones, I can confirm you will be allowed to keep a recording of the conversation.

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Ok good Shups, I'm glad you don't like Sawyer either, because Shake and I hate him and the judges just gush all over him. Brooke wasn't good, but I love her voice so I hope she survives to sing again, and Hannah sang that song I also hate perfectly. Christina's team is definitely the better one going tonight.

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
THE VOICE - LIVE DEBUTS NIGHT 2

Tonight the alleged "stripped-down" bullshit theme continues. Who is our celebrity opener tonight?

It's Sia! And she loving owns so let's do this poo poo! "Elastic Heart" is a great song and she's amazing live. I love how much the live directors have no idea how to shoot her. I just love Sia.

<Team Adam> Tonya Boyd-Cannon, "Take Me to the Pilot" (6/10) Starts off with a blind spot to a specific mid-range tuning, transitions to mic control problems. Sounds a bit nervous but is also saddled with a horrible song choice. The intent is a relevation but it comes across garbled at best. As an opener she's likely forgotten after the next few singers, which is a shame.

<Team Adam> Joshua Davis, "Budapest" (6/10) Rehearsal was rough. Good guitar work but the vocal is a bit lost. It sounds like he's trying too hard to hit notes while maintaining a certain tone and they're working against each other. It all comes across as a bit slapdash and his mic control is lacking. My guess is he's trying too hard to play the guitar correctly at the expense of the vocal. Very Chris Martin-lite but not terrible by any means.

<Team Christina> Sonic, "I'm Goin' Down" (-4/10) Okay first things first the band was loving UP. There was no way to know if she was on pitch because they were way off between the two guitars. Or was it the bass, the keys maybe? Either way it forced her to the back of the mix which proved problematic throughout. So was that why she was completely off and tone-deaf the whole song? Who knows, but this was loving terrible. She's one of the few people I remember at all before now, and I liked her before this. Just dismal.

<Team Adam> Brian Johnson, "At This Moment" (5.5ish?/10) Fucks up his phrasing immediately which is an unforgivable sin on a Luther jam. This is a fairly lush arrangement and it sounds like he's avoiding his full voice. His pitch is great but something sounds off. It's all head voice and it lacks conviction even if the performance is rock-solid. What a strange thing this was.

I feel like it behooves me to remind you that I don't listen to the Coaches during live shows because they are useless.

<Team Christina> Kimberly Nichole, "What's Up?" (2/10) Didn't know when to dirty it up and when to hit the pitch, but to be fair this is a very hard song to interpret becase it's so specific and the arrangement worked against her at every turn. She still was all over the place with her intonation. Very mediocre. Her great-grandmother was absolutely adorable though.

<Team Christina> Lexie D'Aguila, "All By Myself" (1/10) Too affected, too many runs. Aping Christina Aguilera too much. Robotic and absent any comprehension of the material. Glory notes way way off. The wonderful woman who married me correctly surmises that this is Christina's Mini-Me this season and I couldn't agree more.

This night is taking forever.

<Team Adam> Nathan Hermida, "Chains" (3/10) Lost from the start. Middling and false. He's gone after tomorrow, I all but guarantee it.

<Team Christina> India Carney, "Hurt" (1.5/10) A victim of overindulgence and ambition. Aimed way too high and fell far too short.

Christina loving sucks and it sounds like her voice is starting to fall to poo poo during rehearsals.

<Team Christina> Rob Taylor, "Earned It" (10/10) Beautiful falsetto, booming mid-range, hell of a performance. gently caress yeah! That was amazing. Win the season immediately.

<Team Adam> Deanna Johnson, "Down to the River to Pray" (10+/10) Taking Hozier to church and doing everything Koryn wished she had done last night. loving incredible. Just peerless. Pharrell nails it when he says "wholesome" because that nails it in the best way.

Last night was frontloaded, tonight was backended. I think we've seen the finale at this point and it's not even close. This just might end up being the first truly great season of The Voice if the voters don't gently caress this up.

I love singshows again. Thanks, The Voice. See you tomorrow when you clown Idol in the ratings.

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Yeah I really like Deanna's voice, she could probably crush a Jewel song if given the chance. She's Adams only real chance to win the season. Cristina's team is going to be a bloodbath and a really good singer could go home.

shadow puppet of a
Jan 10, 2007

NO TENGO SCORPIO


After watching through SHUPS's 10-rated performances from The Voice I am more than ready to be disappointed by the Star Search of singing shows. Seacrest needs a pair of Ed Mcmahon's brown-tinted stunner shades with the drop gold arm pieces. The forcast shows a zero percent chance of Seav-ability, lets do this!

Jax: Serving up some decent eye-oreography. Arrangement is too chintzy so as to sap Jax's vocal of power. I didn't enjoy it but I cant say Jax did bad given the hand she was dealt by the Ricky Minor arrangement that was cut short by a call from Ricky's BWM mechanic.

Nick: The hair is full on coonskin cap mode at this point. Get a haircut old man. This song revision is crying out for re-purposed bible camp lyrics. Who told nick to sing 'Tonight' 3 times as his own vocal effects pedal? Oh, Ricky. Blah. Enjoy your time here WGWG, you don't deserve it.

Quentin: Its a shame Quent has no falsetto or we could be doing some Terrence Trent Darby with that hat. Oh poo poo he is mushing out a falsetto. Bleah. Sounds like Maxwell's uncle trying to show where the "family pipes" come from.

Slowey Joey: Enjoy that dank Psychonauts reference, its as good as you'll get. Joey giving Knife Hands ala Terminal Lance. Vocal is too loving shouty. Ugh. Hairgrab! Joey takes a big risk out there, not with the song but on 4 hours of crimp and coloring.

Clark: Clark Bar Blues. Not what the world needs but the high point of an awful show. Clark hits his standard Micheal-Bolton-esque high notes. Rickey decides not to gently caress over Clark and reigns in the arrangement. Must be been been some good news about that timing belt service.

Tyanna: The moss is transforming into something recognizable as human hair. Truly an idol journey. This is good. Is she struggling with the in ear monitors? Still, really good given the rest of the show.

Hat: Ouch. The Ralph Pootawn of Season 14. Pls go Rayvon.

Quassim: Yikes, is this a so-cal punk rendition? What is with the sneer-vocal? "Moiee Bayhboiee Down Mess Oirounnn" Quassim has run out of talent. No joy in his performance. Should be high energy as hell, feet barely touching the ground, breathless to cover for these bum notes. Instead its just swaying and very sub par vocals.

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
AMERICAN IDOL XIV TOP 7 REVEALED

HOW IS THIS TWO HOURS?! Fuuuuck.

Flordia Georgia Line loving sucks. Jason Derulo loving sucks. I don't know what the theme is because I don't loving care and also I ffwded through that part. And really, who gives a poo poo?

First to get eyefucked by FGL is...

Jax, "Poker Face" (1.5/10): Ironically her makeup is awful. Her inconsistent overaffectation makes this sound like she has a mouthful of marbles. It didn't even sound like real words. Terrible arrangement, lovely vocal. Shut the gently caress up, Jax. J.Lo tears her apart and the crowd doesn't mind a bit.

Old Nick, "Teenage Dream" (2/10): Another performance with zero enunciation. Pitched way down into a generic MOR rock song and he still can't keep up. Breathless, tuneless, and spends most of time rocking out on his acoustic and not singing. Crowd loves him. J.Lo is either hot as gently caress for him or drunk, perhaps both.

Something might have happened after this but I skipped it.

Jason Derulo is here with an autotune mic but still can't sing in key. That was hilarious.

Derulo is actually a very good mentor, and is doing the voice coach 101 poo poo that they aren't making Quentin do for whatever reason.

Quentin Alexander, "Latch" (0/10): His hat looks ridiculous. Kid has some fingernails too. I actually laughed out loud when he hit the chorus because he was so far off and the verses were actually okay. His falsetto should never be heard from again. He vamps over the second chorus and lets the backup singers carry all the weight while he does his meandering pitchfuck adlibs. He is just not good at singing.

Flordia Georgia Line loving sucks. Did I mention that? Because they just proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Yeah okay Derulo is a god-tier mentor. Shame he can't put out a decent single.

Joey Cook, "Wrecking Ball" (3/10): BOOOOOORRRRR-RIIIIIINNNNG. She also looks terrible with her Sia haircut and her used dishcloth dress. Let it be noted that she still has a 3-note range. Bob Ducca did it better. Best of the night so far, but that's saying next-to-nothing. The wonderful woman who married me suspects she needs a cortisone shot, but I think it's par for the course for Joey.

Clark Beckham, "Make it Rain" (6/10): So yeah, he's still reaching too far for those high notes. He did also gently caress up that guitar solo and didn't sing for half of the song's runtime. It was still so much better than anyone else tonight. I can't deny him that.

Aaaaand the bottom 3 are all black. My money's on Rayvon going home but let's see what happens.

J.Hud is performing with Iggy Azalea? What the gently caress? Does she have no clue about anything? Is she not satisfied with that Empire money? This is exceptionally problematic.

Tyanna Jones, "Stay" (4.5/10): Pacing was not good, and she's locked in her vibrato pocket and it's keeping her away from her true voice. She also immediately breaks down when the performance is over so maybe she overcorrected the emotional focus of the song to her own life and invested too deeply. Still, this is the best we've heard from Tyanna since "Circle of Life", which again isn't saying much but here we are.

THE BOTTOM TWO

Quick reminder that FGL's newest album is the worst-reviewed country record of all time. And THAT'S saying something.

Rayvon Owens, "Set Fire to the Rain" (6.5/10): HORRIBLE arrangement. I uhm. Whatever. Rayvon sings again and it sounds the same as before and I still can't say that it wasn't the best of the night.

Qaasim Middleton, "Hey Ya!" (SHENANIGANS/10): HOLY poo poo THEY AUTO-TUNED HIS LIVE MIC!! AND THE REST IS A BLATANT PRE-RECORD! He's only given the last note pure and it's garbage. What a loving disaster for this brand. The judges cover the producers' tracks with glorious abandon.

AMERICA SAVES RAYVON!! AHAHAHAHAHA YESSSS THANK YOU AMERICA AND gently caress THE JUDGES' SAVE

shadow puppet of a posted:

After watching through SHUPS's 10-rated performances from The Voice I am more than ready to be disappointed by the Star Search of singing shows.

I stand strongly by all of those 10s and I genuinely thank you for acknowledging them.

SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 12:16 on Apr 9, 2015

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



America is dumb, dumber than Pharrell, who is also dumb.

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
Voice Results Minute

I'm just going to read results instead of waiting an hour to tease out every last thing.

Team Blake
SAFE: Corey Kent White, Meghan Linsey. loving what?
SAVED BY COACH: Hannah Kirby. I mean, okay, but...
ELIMINATED: Brooke Adee, Sarah Potenza?! Oh my god no. The cynical side of me isn't surprised, but really? RIP Team Blake.

Team Christina
SAFE: Kimberly Nichole, India Carney. Whatever. Based on every other recapper I severely underrated these two but I listened again and stand by my grades.
SAVED BY COACH: Rob Taylor. Correct.
ELIMINATED: Lexi Davila, Sonic. Also Correct.

Team Pharrell
SAFE: Sawyer Fredericks (:lol:), Mia Zanotti
SAVED BY COACH: Koryn Hawthorne? OVER CAITLIN?!
ELIMINATED: Caitlin Caporale, Lowell Oakley. RIP Team Pharrell.

Eltoasto posted:

America is dumb, dumber than Pharrell, who is also dumb.
eeeehyup.

Team Adam
SAFE: Joshua Davis, Deanna Johnson. Good work, America.
SAVED BY COACH: Brian Johnson. Okay, why not.
ELIMINATED: Nathan Hermida, Tonya Boyd-Cannon. Tonya sort of deserved better but was never going to win so this is fine.

So yeah, if Team Christina doesn't win this season, then Team Christina will never win a season. If Deanna keeps it up she could be a spoiler to the inevitable, but Teams Blake and Pharrell just had their strongest contestants exit stage left. I guess Mia and Hannah could be dark horses, but I also wouldn't be surprised if they both left next week.

Really glad I didn't actually watch this ep. What a shame.

:siren: RATINGSCHAT :siren:

American Idol on the only night it airs: 1.4/6.5m
The Voice on a Wednesday one-off: 2.1/9.5m :micdrop:

And yes, that's an all-time series low for Idol. That's XFUSA S3 territory. Next season is almost certainly the last gasp, if they get even that.

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Sarah had a pissssssed look on her face too. Megan bumping out Sarah is an outrage. At least Blake had a tough decision, Hannah sang great, but Sarah had a voice that could win it. Pharrell just straight up poo poo the bed in choosing uniqueness over quality. Caitlin had a chance to win it, a slight chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Schach
Jul 21, 2007
I'm not a monster it'sonlyamask.
It's weird I was just thinking the other day "at what point do the AI producers just cut their losses and have all the contestants lip sync??" Watching last night I became aware that the last vestige of true entertainment I was getting out of this season was watching Daniel enthusiastically butcher everything he was given. Also the episode actually endeared me to Jason Derulo and I didn't need that in my life.

As for the Voice in spite of some dubious eliminations this season is good!! I don't want to say it's as good as AI is bad because that's literally impossible but still. I am surprised Sarah went home but not that cut up about it honestly. I liked Lowell & Brooke but it's hard to say they didn't poo poo the bed the other night, especially Lowell. Pharrell taking Koryn over Caitlin is loving insane though, and I'm sort of beside myself that Rob had to be saved. What do you even have to do to win America's votes!! If I have any sort of grasp of people vote (clearly I do not) I feel like Sawyer could win the season. I also like him a great deal which puts me in the minority in this thread I guess. Also I think people will keep voting for Corey because he is v attractive. Well that's my story.

also

shadow puppet of a posted:

Bleah. Sounds like Maxwell's uncle trying to show where the "family pipes" come from.
lmao

No Irish Need Imply
Nov 30, 2008
I'm not surprised Megan ended up staying in the Top 12. But I thought it'd be a Blake save. America... why... :negative:

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

The best thing about Meghan is that the producers are so bizarrely fixated on Corey as the "last country artist in the competition" that they are trying to classify her as a soul singer or something. If you live in Nashville and have spent time opening for Blake Shelton, you're a country singer.

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Still watching the episode but gently caress Sawyer forever for what he just did to imagine. That was so bad it had stink lines coming off of it.

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

Eltoasto posted:

Still watching the episode but gently caress Sawyer forever for what he just did to imagine. That was so bad it had stink lines coming off of it.

It's true. I saw the stink lines,

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
THE VOICE - PEOPLE SING, I WANT TO SAY 12 OF THEM?

I went to beer school tonight and used my education to further appreciate my Keystone Lights and also Zywiec but also Redd's Wicked Mango because my curiosities are crude. I also got a Roku stick so very soon I'll be posting my recaps a day late and I don't care because gently caress paying $100 a month for poo poo picture quality and a hot fart of convenience and the vaguest hint of immediacy. What, singshow now? Well okay

Reba's here. I'm not taking her seriously because how can you?

<Team Blake> Hannah Kirby, "Edge of Seventeen" (6.5/10) - Is Hannah always going to choose terrible/hilarious songs? Anyway she's a karaoke queen and this felt less like a personal revelation and more like a put-on. She was also swallowed whole by the mix several times. It was technically proficient but hollow through and through.

<Team Adam> Brian Johnson, "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You" (1.5/10) - Another garbage song choice. He's doing British pronunciations and dropping phrases left and right. His head voice is failing him big time on higher notes and he refuses to get out of it. Moreover it was really boring. He'd be the best of the night this season of Idol, but that's saying less than nothing

<Team Christina> India Carney, "Take Me To Church" (2/10) - Overperformed and undersung. Hollered and constantly faltering in tune. Remember when I thought she would win the season?

<Team Pharrell> Mia Zanotti, "Miss You" (2.75/10) - A downright inexplicable song choice. Is there some kind of theme I missed where they had to pick bad songs? Anyway the low parts are completely out of her range but she nails the adlibbier parts and performs well. Her ultra-high notes were off by at least half a step at all times and were so pointless and indulgent on a song that didn't call for them. Could be in big trouble singing this early in the show.

<Team Adam> Deanna Johnson, "Oceans Where Feet May Fail" (4/10) - If tonight's theme isn't "What The gently caress Is This Song?" I just don't know anything anymore. Anyway terrible, terrible song. She clearly didn't know the song and her intonation was iffy at best. She also seemed really uncomfortable. I mean she was good but it sounded like someone trying to Sing Perfectly and not pulling it off.

<Team Pharrell> Sawyer Fredericks, "Imagine" (0/10) - Gee, who do the producers want to win? Hard to say. He is not great at playing guitar and keeping time by himself. Also he whiffed the falsetto so badly that it almost looped around to sounding intentional. The song sounds nothing like the original and has all the dynamics stripped and it's over in 30 seconds. I mean he sang okay in the context of the arrangement but it was emotionally tone-deaf and a blasphemously unfaithful cover.

This is a bad, bad night of The Voice.

<Team Christina> Rob Taylor, "I Put a Spell On You" (8.25/10) - Rob's aiming really high here and he mostly pulls it off, but there are some hinky notes. Also Christina needs to have her live mic turned off now. Ignoring that, this was a fantastic performance and even though he missed the entrance to the glory note he stuck the landing. This felt downright meta as a paean to the voters. Well done, Rob.

<Team Blake> Corey Kent White, "Why" (0.75/10) - He's sorry for acting that whey, apparently. Really loving boring crossover country pap barely sung at all. Really, really bad.

<Team Pharrell> Koryn Hawthorne, "Stronger" (4.5/10) - Sounds strong as heck if a bit stilted in the a cappella intro bit. hosed up or simply garbled the lyrics a lot. The arrangement doesn't suit her a bit even if she's killing the big voice parts. Too much melisma to really stick the pitch at any point but not horrible. Caitlin would have been a much better choice regardless, now and forever.

Really bored now.

<Team Adam> Joshua Davis, "America" (7/10) - Weird song choice. Only getting about every fifth word of the lyrics. He's singing okay but I can't get into this in the least. His pitch gets exposed by the army of backup singers but I'm not mad about it. Like Blake I've never heard this song before and I'm giving my wife's grade for this because she's horrified that I don't know this song and I trust her (and she knows my grading style even better than KilGrey).

<Team Blake> Megan Linsey, "Girl Crush" (9.5/10) - Great stage art for this one, Voice crew. That was the only problem with this other than literally one note in the end run. loving beautiful. A massive turnaround from last week.

<Team Christina> Kimberly Nichole, "The House of the Rising Sun" (10/10) - Terrible song choice, even worse outfit, pandering arrangment. She also sang it perfectly. Consider me a doubter proved wrong and little else. Holy poo poo that was incredible.

SHOULD GO HOME: Corey Kent White, Brian Johnson
WILL GO HOME: Actually that looks about right.

The finale was probably made tonight and it still looks like a lock for Team Christina. Lots of stumbles tonight. But drat if they didn't know how to close the show strong. I'm going to bed now. Just kidding Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is only halfway watched. See you tomorrow for infuriating results!

FitFortDanga
Nov 19, 2004

Nice try, asshole

I'm pretty sure Blake's redneck legions will keep Cory in the game for a while yet.

I like India, Brian, and Megan, but in the end I want to see Rob or Kimberly win this thing. They're the clear front-runners, as they've pretty much been since the beginning. I am entertained by Hannah. Josh is fine, but he's totally loving boring. Sawyer has serial killer eyes.

Adam is so, so, so bad at picking songs.

The mix has been hosed up throughout the lives. I'm glad they finally acknowledged it.

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
Tomorrow's Idol Top 7 song choices are out. The "Just Sing Whatever I Guess" theme is "American Classics" and... welp. They're each doing two songs. Maybe the first round will be better since they aren't focusing on eliminations, you say? Perhaps. But these song choices... woof.

Quentin Alexander – Lenny Kravitz’s “Are You Gonna Go My Way” and Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence”

Kravitz seems inevitable since he's biting his style already. I already know how "Sound" is going to turn out.

Clark Beckham – “Moon River” from Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition”

Ambien and overambition. Very Clark choices. His high note struggles and failed attempts at soul and groove are going to torpedo him on "Superstition".

Joey Cook – Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to Love” and “My Funny Valentine” from Babes in Arms

Anyone who hasn't noticed her three-note range sure as poo poo will now. Expect a pitch down to the Joey Key for "Somebody" and a disaster on "Valentine".

Nick Fradiani – Billy Joel’s “Only the Good Die Young” and Tom Petty’s “American Girl”

Nick, buddy, you are so old and boring. If you don't pitch these down and pull it off I'll be impressed. In other words, I won't be impressed.

Jax – Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” and Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart”

Can't wait for the wacky arrangements that leave these "Classics" unrecognizable. "Piece" could be promising if she plays it straight, but she won't.

Tyanna Jones – Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Proud Mary” and Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers’ “Why Do Fools Fall In Love”

So obviously she's doing Tina's "Mary" which is unfortunate. "Fools" could be a moment though, if she lands the pitch. Big "if", I know.

Rayvon Owen – Willie Nelson’s “Always on My Mind” and The Doobie Brothers’ “Long Train Runnin'”

Well he's going to be outside of his comfort zone, that's for sure. I expect arrangement fuckery but neither of these songs have much potential for greatness.

Of note: This is the earliest they've done two songs each in the history of the show. They are directly proving that they could make this show one taut hour but are choosing instead to bore us to death. Are they actively trying to lose viewers and get cancelled? Is the legal wrangling between Sony and 19 passive-aggressively manifesting itself as performance art? Probably not. Well at least we aren't getting the awkward and largely terrible group numbers like the last few seasons. Can you even imagine duets/trios with this group of turkeys?

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
Wow, I almost forgot what doubleposting feels like.

THE VOICE RESULTS MINUTE: TOP 10 REVEALED

Bottom 3: Brian Johnson, Mia Zanotti, Deanna Johnson. Dammit America.
Saved by Twitter: Deanna Johnson. At least that's right. We will hear another obscure spiritual next week!

It's not like Mia was a worldbeater or anything, but she certainly deserves better than this. Teams Adam and Pharrell are each down a member.

I really like not watching Voice results shows. I think I'll keep this going. Okay bye

No Irish Need Imply
Nov 30, 2008

FitFortDanga posted:

I'm pretty sure Blake's redneck legions will keep Cory in the game for a while yet.
I'm pretty sure that's the young girls overall and not just the country contingent.

SHUPS 4 DETH posted:

It's not like Mia was a worldbeater or anything, but she certainly deserves better than this.
Yeah.

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Mia deserved better, but she refused to be anything but a blues singer and they just don't have the pull that country does. Corey Keith David Allen Craig will walk through probably next week as well with that voting base.

Sawyer is going to win this season after butchering piano man and space oddity in successive weeks, and as the confetti falls he will look to the camera with those creepy rear end eyes and there will be little flames in them like Pacino in devils advocate.

shadow puppet of a
Jan 10, 2007

NO TENGO SCORPIO


Tyanna Primi: A song choice so out of our time that I'm reminded of that guy who did Crocodile Rock in the Jennifer Hudson season. Vocal is there but its just like doing a great job with a colouring book.

Clark, or as he'll be known in a few years due to a label dispute, Klarq: I'm sure that opening was a better idea in an empty auditorium, because it came across as "Clark Beckham Shreds". Another small-bases hit from the Pete Rose of American Idol. Finally a Morris Day for our Time.

Jacks': Should have thrown down the mic stand for energy and attitude and not have let it rappel down her tassel sleeves.

Nick "I Once Bought A VCR With My Own Money" Fradiani: What else can be said of the Joe DiMaggio of American Idol?

Quentin: Quentin doing a valiant job of fighting to not be out shined by his shirt. This is good. Was good, vocal got lazy. He's passing up on chances to turn lyrics into hooks. MJsbigblog telling me that there was some ugly Harry-Quentin spat so I stick around for some of my first judge's comments. "This whole thing is wack", Quentin knows there is no tour and has counted their money. Ahaha, Harry is blowing the careful vibe crafted by this show with one surly 'like it or lump it'. Coke is so glad they pulled out of this. Season highlight for me.

Joe Joe Sing Show: She looks :3: hopefully that helps her defeat the Charleston Chapeau. That glory note was more Ben than Glory. Sorry.

Rayvon: Cant tell if I mildly like this performance or just the prominent sound of an Ovation Roundback.

Klarq: Needs to be throwing out bedroom eyes where instead I'm getting waiting-to-deliver-a-half-made-up-book-report. Barely connects for a single out there as he has gotten accustomed to trotting it in.

Tyanna Secondi: Yes surely, this mall karaoke booth aesthetic will help her. Performance was good.

Nick "Once asked for a Powell-Peralta for Christmas" Fradiani: Nick needs to get stomped by a theme night like they used to do to the Nicks of the world in the early seasons. Meh, he can sing inside his lane, so what. That aint no 'Idol'

Quentin "TWTIW" Alexander: The jeweled, creviced nose ring makes me want to reach for the hand sanitizer. Too operatic, as he does. Not terrible, but still not sure how someone so middling can be on a top 3 trajectory.

J'Axe of the House of Duras: Wisely limits the singing to let us enjoy this killer arrangement. Needs to be 68% more crazy guttural, but still enjoyable.

Ol' Brimmed Eyes: A man in search of his routine tropical sunset and auto-renewing 7 month revolving contract between Carnival and Princess with several clauses indemnifying him from liability for spreading Norwalk virus between ships.

Joey: Is this a cunning ploy to steal a bit of the country voting base? Needs to spend some time in the House of Black and White to learn how to rule her face. Valar Morghulis, all contestants must be eliminated.

Aahaha. Bummer, I grew to tolerate Joey. gently caress this season of BGWBoaters.

via blog comments:

quote:

iTunes Charts (As of 1:00 AM ET)

No one besides Clark is charting.

Welp.

shadow puppet of a fucked around with this message at 09:38 on Apr 16, 2015

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
AMERICAN IDOL XIV - TOP 6 REVEALED

14 performances over two hours. This is gonna suck.

"American Classics" is yet another "Just Sing Whatever I Guess" theme. Honestly I want them to stop pretending that the themes mean anything. When you factor in that they can do arrangements that sound nothing like the original it means even less.

Harry is dressed like a high school English teacher and everyone thinks he looks dressed up. I guess it's a step up from slogan t-shirts.

Uhhhh so they're following the "Who's Safe First" format still? Not sure how this is going to play out.

Tyanna Jones, "Why Do Fools Fall in Love" (5/10): She's singing this like it's a slow-burn ballad and not an upbeat doo-wop classic. Her glory note is garbage and her pitch is unreliable. It was also the best she's sounded during the live rounds to date. The judges are suddenly incredibly astute. That combined with her early placement almost certainly spell trouble next week.

Clark Beckham, "superstition" (2/10): Doesn't pull off the "sing with the lead guitar part" thing at all, which is a cool trick if you can do it. His mic is either far too quiet or he's not singing into it properly. Given that the stage mic is a unidirectional it's probably the latter. The arrangement is too truncated to create a moment and he's missing more notes than he's hitting. The judges are bland and encouraging again. Poor Tyanna.

Keith's wearing a Harry shirt. Everyone is drunk, including Seacrest. I had Cassis Lambic earlier and I'm feeling good. Go 'head Idol.

Sidebar: why are Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara in a buddy cop movie? Who is this even for?

Jax, "Piece of My Heart" (8/10): The verse makes me concerned but then Jax finally gets ugly on the chorus and it's loving great. The arrangement is a bit sparse and bit safe but that first chorus was the poo poo. If she can capitalize on that gruff tone on her booming full voice I wouldn't even be mad to see her in the finale.

Old Nick Fradiani, "American Girl" (7/10): Bad arrangement, but he sounds okay. His choice of performance style is making him drop basically every phrase but his pitch is unusually strong. Very low bar but I can't deny that he more than cleared it. The judges put it over like it's crack.

Hahahaha Joey and Rayvon are the bottom 2

Quentin Alexander, "Are You Gonna Go My Way" (5/10): So, okay. This was like, the best Lenny Kravitz karaoke ever. But it was also rife with dropped notes and botched pitch and though the mesh top and performance was undeniably sexy, if you take away the visual it was a better version of the usual meandering pitchfuckery. But so sexy though!

Quentin turns heel to put his "best friend" in the bottom 2 over. THAT owned. He looked genuinely pissed off and he shits on the voters and walks off the stage. AND THEN HARRY GOES FULL COWELL AND TELLS HIM TO GO HOME IF HE DOESN'T LIKE IT. AND THEN QUENTIN COMES BACK TO STRAIGHT UP CLOWN HARRY AND SWERVE FACE. If that was actually unscripted it was my favorite Idol Moment ever. The live camera jumps made it feel completely authentic but there's also an hour-plus of show left so let's see how this goes down.

Joey Cook, "My Funny Valentine" (3.25/10): Joey looks great. She sounds like poo poo though and the crowd isn't into it at all. I like "Moy Funneh Valentoyne" but this didn't work, even though she actually comprehends the content for once. Really boring. Jen says what I'm thinking.

Rayvon Owen, "Long Train Runnin'" (3.26/10): Rayvon does a thing where he drops a phrase but doesn't drop the mic, favoring instead to use his voice to drop the notes, and it doesn't play. The live camera shows how bored Jen and Harry are. Me too y'all. Me too.

Another hour of this poo poo? loving hell.

Clark Beckham, "Moon River" (3/10): "If he doesn't make this contemporary there is no point," says the wonderful woman who married me. That is my entire review of this performance.

Harry just said that Clark is the only legit musician in the top 7 and the rest of the other contestants and the other two judges are immediately put on blast. HARRY IS SHOOTING, BROTHER. This is so uncomfortable and the entire house of cards is falling in real time.

No more grades for round 2, just reactions. Holy poo poo.

Tyanna Jones, "Proud Mary": Retire this song from singshows please. There's nothing left to say or do with this and Tina did it better than anyone else will ever do.

Old Nick, "Only the Good Die Young": This doesn't work as a bpy band solo and yet here we are.

Quentin Alexander, "The Sound of Silence": Me and during pitchfuck. Good closing notes though.

Jax, "Beat It": poo poo.

Rayvon, "Always on My Mind": Piss.

Joey, "Somebody to Love" (-9/10): Horrible.

ravon is bulletproodf, okay g'night

pigdog
Apr 23, 2004

by Smythe

shadow puppet of a posted:

Klarq: Needs to be throwing out bedroom eyes where instead I'm getting waiting-to-deliver-a-half-made-up-book-report.
Ehehehe.


Btw gently caress you Harry Connick Jr. This show isn't about you, it's about the contestants. That's what's been wrong with Idol ever since they brought in new celebrity judges: they can't stay out of the spotlight when they should.

Simon, even Randy, even Paula were playing the part of ostensibly honest expert judgement who by and large let the contestants do their thing. Nobody would tune in to watch Randy do whatever for a hour, but these judges think they would to watch them. Sorry, that's not the case. Yet today this show is hardly even about the contestants or the search of the new idol, it's about random old-rear end motherfuckers (and sometimes judges themselves) hoarding their stage at what's supposed to be their moment. The contestants are made to walk a tightrope to become what the judges want them to become, rather than letting them do what they do and let America sort them out. You're gdamn right it's a wack. Maybe Quentyn did mean the whole show. So what, is he "biting the hand that feeds him". Is he not doing his part on this show? Is it his fault the ratings are bullshit and the show can't get another timeslot for the results show? And would you kindly stop force-feeding us that creepy pornstached dude, we get it, you need another Simon, but nobody gives a poo poo.

Kat R. Waulin
Jul 30, 2012
Grimey Drawer
This is the first season of Idol that I haven't watched live. And I ff through most of the performances.

Tyanna is still my favorite, but I'm afraid she's burning out. When Proud Mary was popular, I wonder if people who
lived on or near rivers, had to deal with a bunch of hippies looking for handouts.

Clark's lips bug the hell out of me. I'm assuming they are just highly pigmented, but he shouldn't wear the same color as his lips.

Jax's Piece of my Heart was not as bad as Faith Hill's country version, but even Janis Joplin at her highest/drunkest enunciated better than Jax.
She still makes me wish the performances were longer though.

Why does Harry have a stick up his rear end in regards to Quentin? He rarely says anything positive about him.
I think it's the New Orleans thing. gently caress you Harry. You aren't the king of New Orleans, and gently caress you for calling out
Quentin on a simple comment. I do like Quentin's "bring it" face when it's time for Harry to judge his performances.
OTOH there should be a law that nobody is allowed to sing Sound of Silence. Even Simon & Garfunkle didn't really "sing" it.

If I close my eyes while Rayvon sings, he's one of the best in all seasons. But there's something off putting about his look.
Not something blatant like Joey's yellow corn teeth. I don't know what it is.

Kat R. Waulin fucked around with this message at 20:59 on Apr 16, 2015

Homestar Runner
Oct 9, 2012

This is the best videogame
I have ever played!
lol that last Joey Cook performance was so mind-blowingly atrocious



Kat R. Waulin posted:

If I close my eyes while Rayvon sings, he's one of the best in all seasons.

:stare: surely you jest

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Well the voice was up and down, I am guessing an aggregate score of 45 from Shups, including the possibility of negative numbers.

Rob has the best voice and should win, but that song choice is the exact song choice that gets talented people bumped out early, I am worried. Sawyer loving sucked as usual but he's top 10 in the charts of course so the inevitable marches on.

No Irish Need Imply
Nov 30, 2008
Sawyer bad Kent bad.

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
THE VOICE: SOME PEOPLE SING SO WHY NOT RECAP IT

Carson Daly is a normally-shaped man trapped in a loaf of uncooked bread. I don't care what the theme is. They have dope mentors, and also Ryan Tedder.

[Team Everyone] The Voices, "Elton John Medley" (fart/10): Ughh.

[Team Christina] Kimberly Nichole, "Something's Got a Hold on Me" (3/10): Aimed for soundalike, failed miserably. Felt put-on. Major overshoot here but a great performance. Still off by at least a half-step throughout. Her poor fashion sense continues unimpeded.

The audio is clipping on my feed something fierce. Then it goes silent and the gain is still overwhelming.

[Team Adam] Joshua Davis, "Hold Back the River" (-8.5/10): The worst The Voice live vocal I've ever heard. Ever.

[Team Blake] Hannah Kirby, "Shout" (-9/10): The first half was the worst The Voice vocal ever, easily displacing the prior performance. Hannah did recover quite a bit once she finally ripped out her ear monitors but this was still horrific. Do I even need to mention what a poo poo song choice this was?

[Team Blake] Megan Lindsey, "Home" (-2/10): The part without a beat was completely out of pace. Things did not improve when the drums kicked in, and her army of backup singers rendered her all but silent. When they didn't it was downright unpleasant.

[Team Pharrell] Koryn Hawthorne, "Make It Rain" (10++/10): The best singshow vocal to date of this terrible singshow season. No contest. A very pleasant surprise from someone I had written off as fodder. Holy poo poo she's 16?!

The Voice is doing a song that got slayed on Idol last week. I love when they do this.

[Team Adam] Deanna Johnson, "Somebody to Love" (4/10): The arrangement defanged this potent song into a Mumford & Sons mumble. It wasn't unpleasant to listen to but it was so squeaky-clean and lacked commitment. I know Deanna can really sing so why did she sound so out of her depth here? Christina started talking before I was done typing but she absolutely nailed her critique, and Adam all but disowns her. Very uncomfortable. If I were including how well this was done on Idol last week I'd be docking about 2 more points.

Koryn aside, what the hell is going on tonight?

[Team Christina] Rob Taylor, "A Song For You" (6?/10): I don't understand why this is such a singshow standard. It makes for terrible karaoke and it's challenging enough to listen to that the idea of wanting to sing it is beyond me. Anyway Rob blew his voice out on his high scream that felt out of nowhere and frankly way off. This was a gimmicky performance that felt 10 minutes long but was mostly good. Hard to grade if I'm being honest.

[Team Blake] Corey Kent White, "Unwound" (0.5/10): An infant on my television just told me about how drunk they're going to get like 5 times. I get the whole country vote thing but what on earth were Blake and Corey thinking? I can't picture a country fan being happy with that performance. Corey's like getting warm skim milk when you were hoping for a cold beer, and also you're lactose intolerant.

[Team Pharrell] Sawyer Fredericks, "Iris" (1/10): I hate this song but I still destroy it at karaoke. It's not a hard song to sing, but Sawyer still pitches things down 2 steps which takes the verses well below his range. What is his range anyway? Kid never sounds comfortable in any register to my ear. Giving 8 bars to the string section was the best and worst idea on display here. He's clearly trying too hard. I'm glad his guitar wasn't audible though because he was loving up bad.

"I auditioned with this song and it totally backfired, and I told myself 'I should not be singing Whitney Houston.'" - India Carney. in a moment of clarity
"I think that's all the more reason to do it." - Christina Aguilera, the worst

[Team Christina] India Carney, "Run To You" (7.75/10): Props to the band for easing her into the beat since she was totally lost. She overdid the melisma and vamping but she still did very well. There were moments when I thought she either forgot the words or was in the wrong place in the arrangement but she never lost the pitch or her poise. On a night that was mostly poo poo though, she shined like a gem.

This is by far the least predictable (to be read as "wildly inconsistent") season of The Voice to date. I couldn't tell you who I think is going to win because they will probably poo poo the bed next week if they haven't already.

SHOULD GO HOME: Hannah, Joshua
WILL GO HOME: Deanna, Joshua. (And not just because it would be hilarious for Team Adam to be wholly eliminated in week 2 of lives)

I just don't know what's going on here. See you later tonight for results minute!

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



It just seems like everyone outside of Koryn is getting worse as the season goes on.

shadow puppet of a
Jan 10, 2007

NO TENGO SCORPIO


SHUPS 4 DETH posted:

[Team Pharrell] Koryn Hawthorne, "Make It Rain" (10++/10): The best singshow vocal to date of this terrible singshow season. No contest. A very pleasant surprise from someone I had written off as fodder. Holy poo poo she's 16?!

This was really good and I look forward to the total mishandling of her career in accordance with The Voice dictum.

Eltoasto
Aug 26, 2002

We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.



Hey America

Go gently caress ya self

You seriously save the most limited and boring one? Josh might as well already be eliminated next week.

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

Joshua Davis was, like, the only wrong choice in that bottom 3. He's toast next week.

I've come to the realization that Sawyer Fredericks is an unstoppable juggernaut. Even when he performs badly everyone loves it, and he's charted Top 10 enough that he's almost unbeatable in the finals. Ironically Koryn might be the only one who can beat him, so way to go Pharrell I guess.

This is a crazy backwards season of The Voice and I don't like it.

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SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme
THE VOICE TOP 8 REVEALED: RESULTS MINUTE

Jesus christ.

Saved by Twitter: Joshua "This guy has FANS?!" Davis
Eliminated: Rob Taylor, Deanna Johnson.

Deanna had been in a bit of a slump, but there's no denying that she's better than most of the remaining singers. Rob was an undeniable, singular talent who was simply too good for The Fantasy Voicefriend's lovely, ignorant voting base. Also he sang a crap song and didn't do that great. Still.

Eltoasto posted:

Hey America

Go gently caress ya self
:agreed:

ShakeZula posted:

This is a crazy backwards season of The Voice and I don't like it.
:agreed:

See you next week when Koryn and Kimberly go home!

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