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Deanna is and has always been terrible. She is coasting purely on her legs. Bye Rob 
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Apr 22, 2015 21:52
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Fair warning to the 8 people that read this thread, I have nothing constructive to say. Please Nick Fradiani over my episode review. Jax - Well done. Would probably have been an easy season winner and minor star a decade ago. Nick - Boring, skipped it halfway through. Clark - Feels like Clay Aiken on a sick day, just need some mouthed "I love you too's" to the audience. Tyanna - Hair mistake. Song choice mistake. Cant hit any of the hooks built into this song. Awful. Quenting - I can only see Quent through the lens of Slezak's adoration. He is probably jerking off to this. Arrangement is a mess. Where did that sassy neck-shake come from? The mic screams in protest. Worthless Twitter-saved Hatman contestant: Should probably only do Sam Smith songs from now on as it hides the resort-singing aesthetic Rayvon spreads over a tune. Nick II: The only good thing here is that Train no longer needs to hold auditions should that Pat creep bust a larynx. Skipped. Tyanna 2: Song suffers with bell-clear vocal timbre. She diva-stomps on this tune like a bug on a tile floor. Maybe a go home performance. Clark, Redux: Verses much better than choruses. I liked it, but not particularly much. Hat the second: When he drops the Rayvon effect vocal he is as weak as a kid in their first garage band. Audience goes insane. I don't get it. SeymourSkinner-kidswrong.jpg Jax too: Went well but seems to be right up at the borders of her talent. Hopefully she commands the female self-insert vote now that Joey is gone. Quentin again: A good long note bit. Song is crap. I enjoy that Quentin is essentially a singing triangle. And Quentin goes home. Who cares? Probably not even Quentin at this point. More time for him to hang with bff Joey in the month long pre-finale green room holding pattern. Its pretty fun that Idol Gives Back had to be stopped because nobody would turn out to observe their hollow politician-type charity work. So for them, what's the point of doing it?
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Apr 23, 2015 03:25
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AMERICAN IDOL XIV - TOP 5 REVEALED Two. Hours. Again. This has to go down to an hour soon, right? Please? Tonight's theme is Arena Anthems. Which is a quaint way of saying "Just Sing Whatever I Guess" that also ignores how tiny the venue they play in is. Also big arena rock tends to be heavy on the pap so they're obviously hoping to make some Idol Moments tonight. Too bad it's the worst group of finalists the show has ever had. At least I have a cold and, since I'm one of those jerks who never gets sick, I feel like absolute garbage. Not that it'll keep me from drinking, mind you. Let's see how much of this I can get through without giving up! Athletes I don't know come out with results. The audience pretends they give a poo poo about soccer. Tonight is the last night of the Twitter Save. loving A. Jax, "Are You Gonna Be My Harry is drunk as gently caress and trying to tell jokes. It's soul-crushing and the audience isn't into it at all. Old Nick, "Harder to Breathe" (8.5/10): Immediately loses the beat but recovers once the band kicks in. It's an unremarkable, anchored performance but I can't deny that he sang it perfectly. You have no idea how hard it was for me to type that grade. Clark McLips, "Yesterday" (2.5/10): "Oh christ," we both said simultaneously when the song was revealed in the chyron. He's dressed like a pallbearer so of course they slow the song down to a dirge. He plays with the syncopation and ad-libs with disastrous results. Rayvon and Quentin are the bottom two. Tyanna Jones, "Party in the U.S.A." (2/10): Terrible song choice, continuing the trend. She's screeching really badly and the backup singers are doing all the work. She also looks really uncomfortable. Sway Kravitz, "Light My Fire" (5/10): Turned a Doors crooner into a funky fucktrack. He still doesn't give a poo poo about hitting notes or keeping intonation but it actually worked here. Immediately following the performance we get an incurable hot mic that I can't help but think of as producer sabotage. The judges are uncharacteriscally specific, which is par for the course for Quentin at this point. That loving Hat, "I'm Not the Only One" (6.75/10): Hot song, though not an arena song by any means. Sam Smith is such a perfect fit for Rayvon that I'm surprised it never occurred to me. This was very pretty and mostly well-sung but also very safe and in his lane. He botched a few notes but not by any more than a quarter-step. I believed him for maybe the first time this season. Nick Fradiani, "Maggie May" (9/10): I just realized that Nick is basically a more visually appealing Daughtry with a cleaner voice. He also looks like Daughtry and Zachary Quinto had a baby, but I'm not about to ship that pairing. This was really good and after tonight Nick feels sort of like a lock to win the season. He's still boring and safe but he sang great, and that's in short supply this season. They're pacing this like they're short on time, which they are absolutely not. Tyanna Jones, "Heaven" (4/10): Why, why this song? None of these songs are arena material in the least. I just noticed that her vibrato is like a three-quarters step and it makes her sound off. She might be, honestly. This is just such a sleepy, lovely song. I think Tyanna's in trouble next week because she was so forgettable both times tonight. Clark Beckham, "Boyfriend" (0.5/10): I don't know what he was going for here at all but he couldn't handle the staccato phrasing and mouthful of lyrics. There was zero sex appeal to this song at all, and Harry alludes to it. Again, not an arena song at all. Lots of screaming and bum notes. Jax, "White Flag" (10.25/10): Not an arena song, again. That said, this was haunting and beautiful. I kept waiting for her to gently caress up and she never did. Best vocal of this Idol season, easily. Who did I give a 10 to this season, Clark? I take that back, probably. Honestly an improvement on the original. Quentin Alexander, "Shake it Out" (7/10): Shaky verse gave way to a spectacular close and an incredible held note that stayed perfectly in pitch. Harry is a shitlord but he finally puts Quentin over in the most passive-aggressive possible way. Did Scott Borchetta get a wardrobe and hair update while Quentin was singing? That's loving hilarious. Rayvon Owen, "Go Your Own Way" (-3/10): Pitched down out of his range on the verses and it has him way too close to the mic to the point that I can almost hear his pulse. The acoustic guitar is way too high in the mix and it's the only thing I can hear, which is okay because Rayvon sounds like poo poo. The crowd eats it up. Things are not looking good for Quentin and that is just plain wrong. SAVED BY TWITTER: It's ya boy Rayvon! I typed this before I started watching the show. I can't stop laughing. Jax/Nick is the finale. Book it. I have no further thoughts on the matter. See you next week!
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Apr 23, 2015 09:41
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Jax is the sole credible winner this season because she's the only person who has a real feel for how to put a song over as a performance -- dayum she was on point tonight. to hell with everybody else
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Apr 24, 2015 13:51
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The Assassination of Your Favorite Songs by the coward Sawyer Fredericks
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Apr 28, 2015 06:04
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THE VOICE - TOP 8 PERFORM, PLUS GENERAL ALCOHOLIC MALAISE I just watched Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown's visit to Seoul and it told the entire story in reverse and it was fantastic. Now, I have to watch a middling episode of a really bad season of The Voice. So uhh yeah let's grade some performances. Jeezum gently caress this is two hours? I can't guarantee that I'll make it but my final action tonight will be to leave Notepad open and finish this poo poo tomorrow while I eat breakfast. I will be judiciously fast forwarding and already have song choices formatted in advance (thanks Slezak!) so who knows. Yeah. These song choices feel like equal checks in boxes for "songs that have never been done on singshows" and "songs that have been done to death on singshows" and I don't understand the goal in doing so. The Voices, "Hey Brother/Wake Me Up" (blech/10): More like 'Oh, Brother'. What was the point, to make everyone look bad? Mission accomplished. [Team Blake] Hannah Kirby, "We Don’t Need Another Hero" (3.5/10): Such a misguided song choice that I can't wrap my head around it. This may be the most middling and inconsequential Tina Turner soundtrack appearance, and that's REALLY saying something with how ubiquitous she was in the mid-late 80s. The demands of the horrible arrangment were barely met with workmanlike precision from Hannah, whose melody work was solid but whose adlibs and high notes were way off. Then she stopped singing for about a full minute near the end and completely lost the thread for the sake of interpretative dance. Her outfit was just as inexplicable. She's going home tomorrow, I all but guarantee it. [Team Adam] Joshua Davis, "Fields of Gold" (1/10): Perhaps the worst song in Sting's popular portfolio, delivered with folksy abandon. His syncopation can be entirely attributed to trying too hard to play the guitar part correctly. SO MUCH VOCAL SILENCE. And so loving boring. Completely unremarkable. I am asleep. Takes a month to end. I won't fault his guitar playing, but This Is The Voice, after all. [Team Christina] Kimberly Nichole, "Creep" (7.5?/10): Completely disconnected from the material. Overplays the performance and wardrobe and misses the mark on the arrangement. So careful and precise that it feels like a parody of what singshows are with startling accuracy. I won't deny that it was very well-sung on its own terms but it missed on so many other levels that it sparked an hours-long conversation that ended the night for me. To get back on my feet a little bit here, I honestly think that if you had Kimberly sing "Giant Purple People Eater" or "The Monster Mash" she would have delivered it with the same jejune sincerity. I hope she does, and I hope she wins the season, Sawyer be damned. Blake Shelton, "Sangria": There are a lot of songs about drinking, and a lot of songs about loving, but not that many songs about both. That's Our Blake! I'd still rank "Sangria" below Drake's "DnF". It's weird how none of Blake's personality makes its way into any of his music no matter how close the material is to his heart.. [Team Blake] Meghan Linsey, "Something" (8?/10): George Harrison's Beatles songs work because of their simplicity. This was as hopelessly overworked and overbaked as Kimberly's "Creep", to say nothing of the absurdly overdone staging. It was the best I've heard Meghan sing since two weeks ago but it just didn't work and it ran out of steam completely by the end. Reeked of trying too hard, but she succeeded on her own terms. Not sure how to rate this, honestly. [Team Christina] India Carney, "Over the Rainbow" (6.5/10): Sorry, but this song belongs to Katherine McPhee in Idol S5, and I don't care how long ago that was. The Voice should know better than to try and make their own moments that already exist on other shows. With that said, it's probably me and Slezak that care about that and no one else. She couldn't keep time on her own and the band exposes her badly. India is only really comfortable in her mid-range, and she sounds really great there but as soon as she ventures beyond that it gets questionable. She's definitely not as good as she thinks she is, nor as good as the producers think she is. The staging is perplexing, and every second of this is slathered in gallons of unnecessary melisma and is a nakedly manufactured attempt at a Voice Moment. In what is becoming a theme tonight, it simply did not work. The coaches are weirdly non-committal in their commentary. Matt McAndrew, "Counting on Love": That guitar was not making that sound. Guitars don't sound like that. I mean maybe there was a whammy pedal in play but they're rarely that subtle and someone off-camera was operating it if so. Anyway this was a hopeless genrefuck of a song. Matt sounded okay but anyone would have. This show is taking loving forever. [Team Pharrell] Sawyer Fredericks, "Simple Man" (-4/10): Why would you slow this song down? Why would you sing an octave below your range when the material does no such thing? Why would you play to the front row while keeping a distance of 10 feet or more? Why would you have a drummer try out their loudest fills all over every chorus? These questions and more, this week, on Sawyer Fredericks Mysteries. I'm officially sick of Pharrell's blasé positivity. Weird that they're giving the pimp spot to someone who has so much momentum from last week. Maybe her voting base isn't as strong as her performances deserve. [Team Blake] Corey Kent White, "When I See You Smile" (-3/10): This is such a bad song that I forgot that it even was a song, and I was embarrassed for myself as soon as I remembered it, so cringeworthy is this slice of 80s buttcheese. Bad English doesn't even like their own music, to their credit. Impossibly, CKW makes this song even more generic and formless with his crossover country paint roller. His enunciation is iffy at best and he's not committing in the slightest even when he's shouting his head off. He could also stop smirking constantly. Why is anyone excited about this kid? He's less than nothing. [Team Pharrell] Koryn Hawthorne, "Girl on Fire" (2/10): Pimp spot, pimp diamond lighting, poo poo intonation. It should be noted that even Alicia Keys doesn't sing this song well live nine times out of ten. It's an incredibly challenging and equally unforgiving vocal showcase. Koryn is visibly shaky and goes as close to her safe lane as she can without completely abandoning the vocal. She's screaming to hit the big notes and it is horrible. What a lovely episode. No wonder I dropped it before the halfway mark. My top grades have question marks next to them because even after a re-listen I can't resolve what to do with them. SHOULD GO HOME: Sawyer, Corey, most of the viewers WILL GO HOME: Hannah, Koryn, and I wouldn't be surprised if India is in the mix See you later tonight for Results Minute. This season is so bad. SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 20:08 on Apr 28, 2015 |
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Apr 28, 2015 20:03
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Yeah it was a bad night. Girl on Fire shouldn't be done unless it's the blinds and you are showing off your scream, but later in the show you should only do it if you are going to kill it. And uh, yeah that wasn't killing it. I didn't like Creep because she couldn't do the falsetto part, to me that's too important to the song to just take out. Josh/Sawyer/Corey should be the bottom 3, but it will probably be India/Koryn/Kimberly in order to further strip talent from the competition. In an alternate universe, Rob does Creep and Sarah (glasses chick) does Simple Man and I lean back and smile.
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Apr 28, 2015 20:09
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haha hooray I guess, America only very nearly made another stupid decision.
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Apr 29, 2015 05:55
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Eltoasto posted:The Assassination of Your Favorite Songs by the coward Sawyer Fredericks
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Apr 29, 2015 17:14
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AMERICAN IDOL XIV - TOP 4 REVEALED  LIVE!That's right, since I have nothing better to do on my day off and the wonderful woman who married me is at work all night, I'm watching a playoffs episode of Idol without any of my usual safety nets (namely alcohol, camaraderie, time, and DVR). I made this decision after seeing that it's going to be two drat hours yet again. We have 5 Idols left, each of whom will sing two 2-minute songs, so that's 20 minutes of singing out of 120 minutes, probably 40 of which will be ads. Are you ready for some FILLAAAAAAAAH?!? We open with Scott Borchetta taking the idols on a tour of his impossibly luxurious lifestyle in Nashville. We find a public place with enough Idol fanatics to approach the contestants on the street, which I don't buy for a second. Jennifer Lopez is finally wearing something gaudy and atrocious, a weird blinged-out leopard jumpsuit. Tonight's themes are "Judge's Hometown Songs" and "Personal Soul Songs", which as usual mean absolutely nothing. We're also pretending that Keith is from Nashville. Tonight's envelope special presenter is a very doughy Russell Crowe to promote his directorial debut which probably doesn't interest anyone watching Idol but here we are. Harry's going to perform tonight, so I'm going to be liking him again. First safe is... Clark Beckham, "Livin' for the City" (2.5/10): Clark's been taking lessons from Quentin apparently, because he is nowhere near the pitch. He moans and hollers during the scat part while staying alternately sharp and flat throughout. I also think I heard him botch quite a few lyrics in there. His energy and his performance are commendable but the voice is way off. I'm wondering if he pitches to the piano when he plays it and that's why he sounds better when he's seated and playing. The judges agree with me, but they bury their advice under praise as usual. Harry correctly notes he was never in the pocket, but diminishes the crit as "nit-picking" and it's disappointing. Second safe is... Jax, "Empire State of Mind" (5/10): This is more or less the make-or-break moment for Jax having any chance of winning the season. This is also a song that Alicia Keys has trouble with in a live environment. Her voice is on point but she's rushing it and trying too hard to work in her squeaks and quirks and it's boxing her out of the pocket. Her big note comes out lifeless and flat and frankly quiet. This was neither a make nor break, and more of a non-starter. Not a great idea but Jax has the most momentum of anyone remaining so it's hard to see her not making the top 3 at least. J.Lo comes down on her song choice, and Harry puts her over as singing sick - which I have to admit explains away most of the problems with her performance. Why are they doing the elimination format for the opening half of the show? Is the person who didn't make the top 4 just getting a go-home cry vocal? That's both cruel and smart. I like it! MASSIVE ad break. Like 6 minutes long. I guess this is normal? No wonder network TV is dying. The penultimate member of the top 4 is... Nick Fradiani, "Bright Lights" (4/10): Oh good, Matchbox 20. I can pretty much imagine how this is going to sound before he even starts singing. Ohhhh THIS song? The choruses are eating Nick alive. He's shouting like he can't hear himself and his phrasing and breath control are suffering for it. He's not super-off but he's consistently flat. Big step down from last week for Old Nick. At least the drummer had fun! The crowd is insane for Nick and I just don't get it. He sang a boring song competently and forgot to shave this week. J.Lo uses her goosies voice to tell Nick that he's peaking, which is honestly really hilarious. I wonder if that was a producer memo. Seacrest makes her repeat herself all but confirming that they expect Nick gone after next week. I'm going to laugh so hard if Rayvon goes home in 5th place after getting a month's worth of Twitter Saves. Harry Connick Jr, "City Beneath the Sea" (6.75/10): His pitch isn't super-tight on the lower register stuff but he's giving a clinic in Pocket 101. Hopefully the kids are paying attention. Not the kids watching the show, mind you. They're all checking their phones or having a pissbreak. Of note: the bassist played about 20 bum notes during the course of this song. Really annoying. Boring song, but well-composed. Harry doesn't look super-happy to be here or performing, which is weird for him. Okay that intersitial was funny as heck. Points for Harry. The final member of the worst top 4 ever is... Rayvon! Oh man, that sucks for Tyanna, who immediately starts losing her poo poo. Please do not make The Artist Formerly Known As Mosshead sing when she's this broken down. Please. UGGGGHHHHHH BEYONCE ARE YOU KIDDING ME GOODBYE SONG: Tyanna Jones, "Run the World" (abstain/10): I don't want to kick her when she's down but had she done this song it almost certainly would have guaranteed her going home in 4th anyway. I am willing to give her all the rope in the world since she's fighting tears but that was almost entirely atonal and hard to listen to. I can't say that Tyanna deserved better than she got, but it's such a tight race to the bottom with this season that I still feel bad for her. Chin up kid; you're free now. So Jax is the last Idol XIV female contestant left. That should help her votes on her way to the finale. If she goes I can't imagine anyone sticking around, since she's the last one who's even remotely interesting. The way they're structuring this episode is a goddamn disaster. Rayvon Owen, "Need You Now" (3/10): Terrible, terrible song choice especially for Rayvon. As usual they slow it down to a soundalike of Lionel Richie's "Hello". He's popping the mic a LOT and it's getting on my nerves. His usual pleading, melodramatics, and pitch-searching note approximation continue unabated. Just give this guy some Aaron Neville already, maybe exclusively mainstream 90s neo-soul, anything to make his histrionic style fit properly. Rayvon and the judges apparently don't know that the song is about drunk-dialing your ex. It's a vulnerable song but it's also much lighter than everyone's treating it. Harry teases that he's going to come down on him for overselling the drama but ultimately doesn't. Everyone's pretending that Rayvon being in the top 4 is somehow important for their brand. It isn't. In fact, it's the opposite of that. Rayvon going home makes perfect sense. Him being in the Top 4 does not. No one thinks he can win the season, do they? Talk more about gravy, everyone on the show. Also, gently caress Rascall Flatts. Martina McBride, "Over The Rainbow" (-8/10): This song again?! Okay I just had to hear this poo poo on The Voice. Martina McBride apparently doesn't know how to sing rising arpeggios which is sort mind-blowing but ultimately unsurprising. Crossover country allows for very limited vocalists to sound like skilled professionals. I would have thought McBride was an exception to this but alas. She oversings and whiffs the pitch constantly and is more or less free-forming the snycopation and it does not work at all. This is a simple song and Martina McBride can't loving sing it. Wow wow wow. "Babylockthemdoors" belongs to Scotty McCreey, now and forever. Clark has turned into a total diva and has zero support from the mentors on this choice. They are either testing his base or throwing him under the bus. Clark Beckham, "Your Man" (-5/10): Welp, they were right. Everything about this is terrible. The screeching, overreaching falsetto, the hollow performance, the mediocre solo during total vocal silence for half of the runtime... just all of it was poor and reeked so much of the arrogant diva bullshit he was just showing in the intro package. The judges are aligning with Borchetta. They're not wrong. They have to have some sort of plan for letting Clark look and sound this bad. I finally broke down after the first few moments of clark's garbage and I ran to the craft beer store down the road and picked up some Lagunitas Sucks which I am now enjoying. I plan to catch up with some fast forwarding and be able to post this just after 9. This whole thing was a bad idea. Not the beer. If you're not sure if you like beer you really should try Lagunitas Sucks Brown shugga Substitute. Or Lagunitas Brown Shugga. Lots of real good stuff. Christ, even my recap has filler! Clark is standing by his horseshit and the crowd is eating it up. Harry's arguing again. This is great. You're telling me I missed absolutely nothing in the 10 minutes I was gone? That's... stunning. Jax, "Human" (2/10): I'm on record as being a major detractor of Christina Perri. Her robotic pitch perfection and on-the-nose lyrics grate on me. So am I at all surprised that an under-the-weather Jax couldn't stay in full voice or stay on key? No. Do I buy that this is her "soul song"? Not really. Her voice is failing completely and it's hard to listen to. Also performing the song while kneeling was nothing if not a strange choice. The judges are supportive and completely on-the-nose with their notes. Steven Tyler for no reason! He's going to sing with Jax in the finale no matter what happens, which... uhhhh? I'm glad that Jax is happy though! Nick's getting the pimp spot? Huh. This "Soul Songs" theme is absolute bullshit. That loving Hat, "Believe" (4.5/10): Finally, a song lovely enough to match Rayvon's posturing. The arrangement is overdoing it too. His runs are way off but he's not singing all that badly otherwise. Rayvon's gonna Rayvon. That was corny and mediocre. The crowd and judges love it, though Harry throws some delicious shade towards songwriting by committee. I drink more craft beer. He gives his mom a hug onstage. They really, really want him in the finale. I can't say for sure that it won't happen with all this pimping, but he's still not any good. X-I-V!! Old Nick, "What Hurts the Most" (7/10): There was some rushing on the builds to the chorus where Nick almost totally derailed but he recovered well. His mic control needs serious work, but he's also putting on a really good version of a rock band frontman performance. That was easily the best of the night, which is saying very little indeed. Another terrible episode of this lovely season. SHOULD GO HOME: Clark Beckham WILL GO HOME: Clark Beckham I can't remember a more obvious hatchet job on this show than what happened to Clark in the back half of the broadcast. Other than Quentin, and that worked like a charm and they didn't pile on nearly as much for him. See you next week! I will NOT be recapping live because holy hell how does anyone do this?
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Apr 30, 2015 03:03
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I just got finished with the weekly testing of my fast-forward button. Still works great. Whoo hoo! Nashville! They've come so far in their journey! Are we supposed to pretend/forget that two of them are from there? I liked Tyanna, but she was burning out. Rayvon has hair! John Travolta colored-in Sharpie hair, but I thought he was bald. Guys, if your hair is getting a little thin, and you want to hide it, don't wear hats all the drat time. It makes you look like a bald guy with a hat. Just shave it off completely, and wear hats occasionally.
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Apr 30, 2015 19:00
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Clark 1: Even before you add in an off night Clark, that was one of the worst songs I've ever heard. Space Emperor Jax I: Please win, I hate everyone else. Hopefully this song can connect to the Idol mass viewership of tween girl living in the sticks demographic and they haven't been too poisoned by fears of A Big City In Obama's America to vote against a song about NY. Nick Alpha: The best thing about Nick is that you know when he's reduced to earning money doing upscale school proms he'll still sing his heart out. Please send Nick home America so he can start earning and hone his "Endless Love" cover. Terminal Tyanna: Goes out in week 11 with a week 2 caliber performance. No hard feelings, I'd phone it in too Ty. Rayvon: Should be singing this Jodeci-style by basically song-loving the tempo, the micstand and the front three rows. Who could keep up with a late burst of machismo? But he decides not to. Maybe he has a bright career if Disney ever re-opens their direct to video productions again and someone needs to take on the male lead vocal on The Little Mermaid 9. I'm watching this via performance web rips and I'm getting annoyed with all the bullshit filler I'm having to scroll past. SHUPS, how the gently caress do you sit through this even boozed up to the teats? Nice villain edit on; Clark Deux: So he fought to perform lounge Jimmy Buffet? I'm getting shades of past difficult winners Jermaine Paul and Melanie Amaro. Clark probably will refuse to gently caress for tracks as well. Hopefully Hat can be charitable and hand him a few bars as a singing octopus named Tentaclark or something. The Jax -un Two: Hoping next week Jax gets to wear blackout contacts or something. Stop with space princess lite and give me full on popstar-to-the-Greys appeal. Vocal was a bummer though. Maybe sort that out first before giving her three hours with a stylist. Holy poo poo, no wait, that background vocal accompaniment was criminal. Was that someones drunk aunt? Jlo? Double Rayvon (woah so unintense): Sounds like a commercial for a new line of paint colors at Lowes. gently caress off already. Nick Beta: Here is where I confess to have a Rascal Flatts song or two deep in the bowels of my mp3 folder. (I also have Danny Gokey's TV version of Jesus Take the Wheel if you want to get all your disgust at me out at once.) Nick did a great job as, he has been described, Matchbox 20-ing the gently caress out of that song. Which is not to mean it was a good version, just that he painted over it in leather jacket tones as best as could be done. gently caress this show, gently caress everything. shadow puppet of a fucked around with this message at 03:26 on May 1, 2015 |
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May 1, 2015 03:22
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shadow puppet of a posted:Space Emperor Jax I: Please win, I hate everyone else.  shadow puppet of a posted:SHUPS, how the gently caress do you sit through this even boozed up to the teats? shadow puppet of a posted:I also have Danny Gokey's TV version of Jesus Take the Wheel if you want to get all your disgust at me out at once. shadow puppet of a posted:gently caress this show, gently caress everything.
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May 1, 2015 09:47
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Sawyer Fredericks: literally a worse singer than Big Mouth Billy Bass.
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May 5, 2015 05:54
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ShakeZula posted:Sawyer Fredericks: literally a worse singer than Big Mouth Billy Bass. Bad song is #5 on the charts and the worse one is the 3rd highest of all the songs 
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May 5, 2015 06:09
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THE VOICE S8 - TOP 6 PERFORM I don't know nor care what the theme is. I'm also lit as gently caress so this recap might be brief at best. Two songs each? Idol-level bloat, that. At the end of this recap I am going to predict the winner of this season. Is that enough of a hook? [Team Christina] India Carney, “Glory” (3/10) - If she were a voice in a chorus of 50 this might have been acceptable, but as a lead it didn't work. Her pitch missed more often than it hit despite the bulletproof song choice. Should have been a moment, felt more like an afterthought. Why would she sing first after being in danger last week? [Team Adam] Joshua Davis, “Desire” (-7/10) - Does a certified arena anthem work as a Nawlins coffeehouse big band jam? No. This was poo poo. [Team Pharrell] Koryn Hawthorne, “Everybody Hurts” (4.5/10) - Sure, why not turn this song into a major key gospel turn by way of a lazy Mariah Carey? Never in the pocket for a second, but very well-sung until it fell apart a lot after the bridge into a shouty mess. She was visibly struggling. [Team Christina] Kimberly Nichole, “Free Fallin'” (5/10) - Can't find the pitch on a lackadaisacal Tom Petty ditty. Trying way too hard. Goes full Xtina when Alanis would have sufficed. [Team Blake] Meghan Linsey, “Steamroller Blues” (2/10) - Not a blues singer by any shade goes full feeling in the most literal way possible. Holds guttural syllables, betraying actual feeling. Sharp as gently caress and trying so hard that I can't remember what restraint sounds like. Team Pharrell] Sawyer Fredericks, “Shine On” (-3/10)- Alternately noncommittal and pitchless. To be fair I have never heard this song but he's so reedy and shallow that I can't take him seriously.. Team Christina] Kimberly Nichole, “Dirty Diana” (-10/10) - Horrid arrangement, objectively terrible song choice. What the gently caress even was that? [b[]Team Adam] Joshua Davis, “In My Life” (6/10)[/b] - Great guitar work, terrible syncopation. But good if not great vocally. [Team Pharrell[ Koryn Hawthorne “Dream On” (-1/10) - Aimed for soundalike, farted. [Team Christina] India Carney, "Lay Me Down” (0/10) - Another terrible song choice. Worst Sam Smith impression I've ever heard. [Team Pharrel]: Sawyer Fredericks, “Take Me to the River”(-1/10) - Tried to show range, ended up as a background singer to his own vocal. [Team Blake] Meghan Linsey, “Amazing Grace” (blech/10) - "Amazing Grace" is not the national anthem to be sung before the opening pitch at a little league game, Meghan does not yet know this. And, finally... EVENTUAL WINNER OF THE VOICE S8: I don't care. I mean Koryn.
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May 5, 2015 11:03
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Hahaha take me to the river got top 10. He sang it worse than a robot fish that hangs on your wall and it got top 10. Also Kimberly is dead
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May 5, 2015 18:04
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Eltoasto posted:Also Kimberly is dead I knew "Dirty Diana" was going to hurt her, but I didn't think it'd kill her dead. This fuckin season man
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May 6, 2015 04:06
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AMERICAN IDOL XIV, "TOP 3 REVEALED" (-1.25/10) I waited until the next day and I still don't want to watch this. I still haven't been spoiled on song choices or theme or who named Clark Beckham went home, owing largely to the fact that absolutely no one watches this show anymore. gently caress the hometown visits, I'm only watching performances. Rayvon Owen, "Want To Want Me" (-3/10) - Jason Derulo is rarely a good choice for anything but mentoring. Rayvon is swallowed whole and gasping and hooting because this is completely out of his lane. His falsetto is atrocious. No wonder I turned this off in disgust last night. Dude has zero charisma and zero sex appeal and has absolutely no fun performing what should have been an upbeat song. Harry calls it his best upbeat performance which is funny because it's the first time he's done anything but ballads. Three rounds. gently caress. Clark Beckham, "Beautiful Day" (-10/10) - Making its first appearance since Lee DeWyze poo poo the bed at the S9 performance finale on his way to the crown is this anti-singer's song that no one likes, which is ultimately a perfect fit for Clark at this point. He disappears along with his pitch on the verses. Holy poo poo he has completely given up. The band loses the beat going into the final chorus just to put the turd cherry on this poo poo cupcake. Yet another worst Idol vocal in a season full of them. I don't daydrink or get high before nightfall but I'm seriously tempted. Nick Fradiani, "Because The Night" (-4/10) - Immediately off-key. I like that Borchetta's putting everyone out of their comfort zones but so far it's 3 for 3 of exposing how limited these contestants are. Can't find the pocket, can't find the pitch, barely enunciating the lyrics. The Coldplay-lite arrangement isn't helping matters. Is everyone sick or does this season just suck that much? Maybe both. Jax, "My Generation" (0.5/10) - Welp, that's that. They just underhand threw a beach ball at Jax, since this song involves absolutely zero vocal skill beyond breathing occasionally. She comes out draped in a UK flag for American Idol because why not. What is a "Generaish Uh" anyway? They give her 4 minutes and crowd interaction but the vocal that didn't need to be there at all still wasn't there. Nick Fradiani, "Back Home" (0/10) - I don't know this song. Nick isn't helping. No breath control at all, shout-along chorus. Not a hint of precision in pitch or syncopation. What a lovely song. And he is visibly not having any fun at all. You and me both, buddy. J.Lo needs to quell her ladyboner for this guy. Clark Beckham, "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" (1.75/10) - Yet another dirge made of a slow song to begin with, with a slight jazzy inflection and retuned to a safe major key for no reason. He grins and smirks his way through a lyrically morose tune. How can you try too hard and give up at the same time? Ask Clark. Not offensively bad until the last run. Keith questions his transparency and legitimacy which is just adorable. Rayvon Owen, "As" (3/10) - His pacing is way off in the intro and he's in way too low a register for his voice. HAH! HEY! OH! *background singers do everything* His happily wan expression betrays the lyrics at every turn. This night loving sucks. Everyone else got shuffled, but Jax gets the pimp spot both times? Of course. Jax, "My Immortal" (4/10) - Oh, christ. I loathe Evanescence. She's got a mouthful of marbles and no sense of pacing. It's hard to tell if she's on pitch because of the sparse arrangement, and when it's done no one in the crowd reacts because they couldn't tell that the song was over. This was minimalist to a fault and showed no dynamics or chops. Everyone pretends it was good and the crowd is still mostly asleep. Possibly the most boring vocal in the show's history. Klarque gently caress'im, "Earned It" (-6/10) - Rob Taylor already nailed this song on The Voice this season, but it's not like Clark was ever in danger of meeting any expectations. Why are they emphasizing that this song is on the 50 Shades soundtrack? The Weeknd is a hot act. Anyway Clark blinks a lot. That is my sole takeaway from this performance. Just kidding, he is straight up screaming atonally by the end. gently caress off Clark. Harry calls him out on his lack of dynamics and the crowd boos him. Hat-on Moanin', "You Are So Beautiful" (4/10) - Oh look, Rayvon's getting a simple, elegant song pitched into a sad minor key and slowed to a crawl so he can fart out his subpar Sam Smith impression. His outfit is ridiculous. I'm so bored that I hardly care that he was mostly in tune. Jackie Miskanic, "Misery Business" (3/10) - I thought they said "Misery Biscuits" at first and I was totally on board. I normally don't mind Paramore but this stripped down acoustic quirkgasm is a bit much to take. I can't imagine anyone being into this, and the judges sound disappointed in their song choice. I agree with them that she seemed disengaged from the performace. The judges say we're only a week away from the finale. What? I'm thinking I missed something. As we come back from the break, indeed the performance is next Tuesday head-to-head with The Voice results show. I hope Idol gets humiliated in the ratings. So wait, are two people going home tonight? I'm writing this while Nick performs so I should probably touch on that. Old Old Wooden Nick, "I'll Be" (5.5/10) - loving hate this song. Nick remains utterly competent when he's in his wheelhouse. Once again, the best of the night but who gives a gently caress? It was so boring. How did this happen? A double-elimination makes absolutely no sense unless the brass at Fox finally saw the ratings and told them to wrap it up early. First safe is... Nick. Obviously. Next safe is... Clark?!?! Oh no. Ohhhh no no no. So there's a regular elimination show on Tuesday, and then the performance and final results finale is Wednesday? Holy hell is that convoluted. The last Idol performing Tuesday is... Jax. The Hat is finally vanquished after two months in the bottom 2. Fun fact: Neither Jax, Nick, nor Clark have been depicted as being in the bottom 2 or 3 all season. At least there's only one week left of this garbage season. I feel nothing but malaise for this show. They even managed to make Jax boring. With that said, I don't think I can watch a Nick/clark finale, so Go Jax Go! Peecrest out eta: They booked motherfucking Chris Brown for the finale?! Dear lord. eta2: Clark's "Earned It" is the only song from the top 3 charting on the iTunes Top 200. gently caress you, America. SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 19:48 on May 7, 2015 |
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May 7, 2015 19:17
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This seaon is going to badly that Slezak and TvLine couldn't pay for editing on their recap show anymore. Its just a Google Hangout with terrible mic levels. So just like Idol then. Anyway, he goes. Hat: Unfortunately competent. Some really nice notes in his behatted squealing. Seems to have buffed his vibrato stat with upgrades from the shops in the Undercity. +4 STR +4STAM Leather Hat? Ooooieeeeeio. Clarky Clark ate a funky brunch: Risky move to treat on Kurt Neilssen's ground. Clark lets out out like a bad fart where he is unsure so he never gives it the full cheek. Its like the best version of Beautiful Day as sung at a crossing guards' convention. I find it hard to imagine that as something you'd get at a straight up karoke-tv championships. East Coast Methuselah: A grand celebration of someone that was never once challenged along a multi month parade of identical theme nights. In Idol Of Olde Nick would have had to have sung actual do-wop and dueted with the likes of a Sanjaya figure. Jax on, Jax off: Opens with a transparent attempt to win over the vexillologist voting base wearing a Union Jack Black. Performance is awful on a song that should never be covered. Still probably guaranteed a slot in the top 3 due to gendered voting trends so who cares. Nick: Is this a Phillips Phillips Phil Phililps Philllipspsillips song? It must be genuinely hard to get people to turn out to an Idol visits shooting. Clark attracts a thin as gently caress crowd on that street corner. Clarkin' to the Oldies: For a song Clark has probably sung a trillion times, its pretty humdrum. The person listed on the chyron as "Clark's Friend" seems to be struggling to care as well. I feel you, Clark's friend. Rayvon: I hope his hometown is Cape Hattersburg or something that gives closure. Nope. But good to see Rayvon being dressed up Bloodboune-style. Song choice is good and Rayvon stays out of the band's way. Jax: I was waiting for some big breakout chorus that never came. Ricky Minor repays that first Hollywood week danish brought to his conductor stand and does not stomp on the arrangement, giving Jax a little tiny smidgen of an Idol Moment in the last bars. MJsbigblog is telling me that Jlo swore at Keith Urban. Someone recap that for me. Cee-Lark: Sounds good off the bat with a rich bass note. Clark still failing to smolder and looks more apologetic on the "girl youre perfect" delivery. Probably should have shaved too. Famous UnOriginal Ray's: Song not benefiting from the "Every Breath You Take" dramatic re-purposing. Hat's worst of the night. Jax III, Jax harder: Bad for what it needs to be, not what it is musically, but really giving me Billy Idol & Steve Stevens doing an MTV in-studio vibe so I'll take it. Nick: Just gently caress off. Take your trophy and your go-nowhere recording contract back to obscurity with you. Ah the hat is dead. Just when he put in two decent performances. I hope he is oblivious to the irony and pissed off about it. So in the end all I'm left wondering is Which bomb the Jlo drop, the N the C or the F? SHUPS 4 DETH posted:I thought they said "Misery Biscuits" at first and I was totally on board. Its a simple phrase that out of nowhere sums up the whole season. Its the season that actually made me miss Jacob Lusk, shadow puppet of a fucked around with this message at 04:22 on May 8, 2015 |
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May 8, 2015 04:15
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Jax and Nick could be decent if Idol still bothered to give decent mentorship. Too bad neither auditioned during S10/S11. I feel like Jax has been occasionally on the verge of producing a showstopper, but she's performing on that dinky stage and with budget production values not seen since Sweet Suspense's performances (RIP). Let's go back to how great production made Colton's piano ballads on S11 sound much better than they actually were. Tyanna's sing-out of "Run the World" encapsulates how I feel about the Spring 2015 run of singshows. I ran into a random performance of Angie Miller's on YouTube the other day and was horrified to acknowledge that S12's top five salvaged that entire season. Not a similar analogy to be made for either Idol or Voice this season. In "consolation prize" singshow news, Fifth Harmony is on the verge of a Top 20 Hot 100 hit. That would make it the most successful non-Kelly/Carrie singshow song since... Phillip Phillips' "Home"? Maybe even Adam Lambert's "Whataya Want From Me"? Three Top 40s in a row means that they're verging on Daughtry-level success. I laugh that the worst of the three main singshows (let's ignore ABC's multiple ill-fated attempts) has produced the only viable recording act in years. They're also going on tour with Beatrice Miller, who for some reason is actually signed to a major record label. Poor Alex and Sierra.
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May 9, 2015 20:43
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Wizardryo posted:In "consolation prize" singshow news, Fifth Harmony is on the verge of a Top 20 Hot 100 hit. Uh, they sure grow up fast. My last image was of them lipsynching a wonderful arrangement of 'Anything Could Happen' in a princess fairytale teaparty, and now the youngest one that always had the two foot hair bows is singing about liking it rough. Simon gonna Simon I guess.
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May 9, 2015 21:06
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Wizardryo posted:Jax and Nick could be decent if Idol still bothered to give decent mentorship. Too bad neither auditioned during S10/S11. I feel like Jax has been occasionally on the verge of producing a showstopper, but she's performing on that dinky stage and with budget production values not seen since Sweet Suspense's performances (RIP). Let's go back to how great production made Colton's piano ballads on S11 sound much better than they actually were. Wizardryo posted:Tyanna's sing-out of "Run the World" encapsulates how I feel about the Spring 2015 run of singshows. I ran into a random performance of Angie Miller's on YouTube the other day and was horrified to acknowledge that S12's top five salvaged that entire season. Not a similar analogy to be made for either Idol or Voice this season. Personally I think there was a decent season of The Voice to be had from S8, it's just not the way the elimination rounds/voting have gone. Rinse and repeat, I know; but the voting has been spectacularly incorrect regardless. Wizardryo posted:Poor Alex and Sierra.
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May 9, 2015 23:48
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15th season to be Idol's last. About 3 seasons too late, and I'm not really sure what would have had to happen to keep this show on the air. The last few seasons have been forgettable and abysmal.
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May 11, 2015 19:00
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I'm surprised they aren't wrapping it up next week. I guess that is the last lingering power of a show that demands live-viewing, like televised sports is the one thing putting butts on couches to watch ad campaigns. Hollywood week is going to be 12 thousand people with all of the contestants they let through for the sake of not having to give a gently caress and all the bleeding heart stories about wanting to finally make it before the Idol dream ends.
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May 11, 2015 19:06
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shadow puppet of a posted:I'm surprised they aren't wrapping it up next week. Same tbh. They're actually at a worse place overall than XFUSA was when it got immediately cancelled, and they're going to have the same judge panel next season and obviously they aren't getting more airtime given the circumstances. Part of me hopes they nail the casting for XV and have a bonkers ridiculous final season that actually gets mainstream attention and revitalizes the franchise, and then keep it cancelled anyway. The other part of me watched the last few seasons and knows next season is an eternity away, and this news isn't going to be the "poo poo this is my last chance to be on Idol!" that they think it is but rather more of a "well poo poo why bother now, it's over and no one cares" deterrent. Unless they do what I hope they do and bring back everyone from every top 12/13 without a record deal/reasonable success/anything better to do and have a round robin tournament. Anything to keep Slezak from leaping from the top of the TVLine building come next May. In related news this thread will end by June 2016. If no one else wants to start and maintain The Voice's thread by then I'll do it but since I'm done with live/DVR as of next week it only seems right that someone else should take the reins of the thread no one reads. I can't wait to read Slezak's take on this. e: Michael Slezak posted:Don’t tell me American Idol is ending in 2016. I’m not acknowledging this crippling news ’til this afternoon (once I can pull myself out of the fetal position and pull some thoughts together for an opinion piece). 
SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 20:39 on May 11, 2015 |
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May 11, 2015 20:35
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Barely made it through the first three (terrible) performances before giving up. iTunes tells me that India and Koryn are in a race to the bottom and that Sawyer is indisputably going to win the season despite Meghan's strong showing. On the charts, that is; she's not actually any good. They're both trash singers. But I guess if 90s nostalgia is high enough that we can get Fuller House on Netflix then I guess Roseanne's DJ and Becky #2 can have a mainly tone-deaf kid who wins The Voice S8. This will continue the trend of The Voice failing to produce a household name or even someone that most of its own viewers remember a year later. I think instead of thinking that "the next season will reverse the downward trend! It has to!" with TVUSA I'm just going to accept that if I watch, it's going to keep getting worse (a la Idol) until the ratings floor gives out (again, a la Idol) around the 12th or so cycle, long after everyone stops caring. And thus, US-based singshows will come to a close and since the major labels are all out of money and the history of these shows is so littered with shady dealings, industry bullshit, and (most importantly) precious little success there will never be a revival. Having personally surveyed this landscape throughout its meteoric rise and protracted catastrophic fall, all I can say is this: Good.
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May 12, 2015 18:48
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As long as people need to slowly sway their hands back and forth, there will always be a singshow. The sad part of this voice season for me is that good singers WERE there, they just got voted out by the idiot teenage girls that are apparently running this thing. Which is super irritating for me because that goes against the whole dang premise of the show.
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May 12, 2015 18:56
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AMERICAN IDOL XIV - FINAL 2 REVEALED/PERFORMANCE FINALE If Jax isn't in the finale I'm ending my recap. As it is I'm barely here. This time next year I'll be slowly abconding 15 seasons' worth of trivia and Idol Moments from my memory, much in the same way as I am this year with the conventional wisdom surrounding network ratings. Done pontificating. It's late and I'm adequately impaired. Nick in particular looks haggard. I mean to say that he looks like hell. Holy poo poo we're getting the Final 2 right at the jump? Did not see that coming, and absolutely should have. Please don't be Jax, please don't be Jax... it's Jax. That was a tease, right? Right? Nope. We couldn't have a half hour of tension to match the pace of the last few weeks. Just like that, Jax is out and no one wins. No go-home performance, no audience reaction, just a quick escort from the stage to her family. gently caress you Idol. I'm glad you're a dead show walking. SHOULD WIN IDOL XIV: Nick Fradiani WILL WIN IDOL XIV: Nick Fradiani Ah what the hell. For old times' sake, I'll quickie recap. It's finally the battle of the WGWGs, after all this time! Seacrest asks the audience who they're there for. No one cares because they're wondering where the hell Jax is. We're getting 6 performances in one hour. Reminder that last week we got 7 in two. Clark Beckham, "Georgia On My Mind" (-5/10) - Garbage from start to end. The themes are out of order. I don't remember what they are and I don't care. Nick Fradiani, "Bright Lights" (1/10) - Haha sure, why not re-sing the worst song you did all season and do it significantly worse? This went on forever and I never felt engaged in the slightest. Crowd loves it though. loving Klarque, "Ain't No Sunshine" (-4/10) - I just notced how much Clark looks like James Durbin by way of Chris Pine. This was unabashedly terrible but less boring than his first try. The judges aren't even pretending that they're not hammered or trying to be judges. This is more like an advert for the final season. gently caress all y'all. That Old Fucker Nick, "I Won't Give Up" (-5.5/10) - Simon Fuller's Annual Song Choice Debacle remains uninterrupted. His hair, pitch, breath control, and pacing are equally lovely. The best part of this was the sea of bored middle-aged guys. Some bullshit happpened. Couldn't be bothered. Oh good, winner's song time. Clark Beckham, "Champion" (-8/10) - (Song Grade: F-) I have never heard this song but I'm positive that not one note was hit. It's an experience unique to Idol finales. Nick Fradiani, "Beautiful Life" (1.75/10) - (Song Grade: F) Both songs are so loving wordy that it's mindblowing. Nick handled it much better but didn't sing very well regardless. gently caress this show, I'm going to bed SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 20:07 on May 13, 2015 |
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May 13, 2015 12:36
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:Please don't be Jax, please don't be Jax... it's Jax.
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May 13, 2015 20:53
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shadow puppet of a posted:Hilarious. The empire of WGWG strikes back. I'm done too, not watching that performance ep or the finale. Instead I am beginning The Grand Game of avoiding knowing who wins S14 for as long as possible. I'm actually rooting for Nick if only because Clark is such a shitlord, but neither is a viable winner. Granted no one this season (or any season since PPP if I'm being honest) has been, but the point stands. For what it's worth, Nick's leading on the iTunes Top 200 (33rd overall to Clark's 44th) and Jax's single charted despite not being performed or to my (admittedly poor) recollection even mentioned on the show. It's also called "Forcefield" which sounds cool as heck, especially when compared to "Champion" and "Beautiful Life". Oh gently caress it, let's check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUTJSjZJp1w Holy poo poo that is so much better than the other two songs. It's actually really good! The lyric hook is a touch unwieldy but that's a drat solid track. She absolutely would have won with this song, and not just because it's so easy to say that at this point. Everyone I know who watches Idol has either given up on or is completely bored by this season. I blame none of them, as I am one of them. But I will still be watching, expecting a disaster. I can't promise a recap, or grades if I do, because two hours with these clowns is two hours too many (and that should totally be the thread title for the last season). But I will try my best. Oh and in news from a month ago that I just now read, Rising Star and Sing Your Face Off weren't on ABC's summer schedule and as such are effectively cancelled. With that in mind I have decided that this thread will not return from its summer slumber since this year it's going to be a full-on coma. Come fall there will be discrete threads for The Voice S9 and Idol's final season. I'll make the Idol thread but if anyone's down to take over The Voice I would appreciate it. See y'all tonight for results
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May 13, 2015 21:47
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My friend just told me she is good friends with "Joey" on this season of American Idol. Please tell me how terrible that contestant was.
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May 14, 2015 00:29
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Atticus Finch posted:My friend just told me she is good friends with "Joey" on this season of American Idol. Please tell me how terrible that contestant was. The quirkiest quirkster ever to quirk with a 3-note range and a tendency towards eye-rolling and hair-tugging that may have been cute the first time. Tended towards atonality but a lot of people are super into that aesthetic, including everyone I know who watches the show. Seems like a nice person who could definitely find a band with a similar vision but not Idol caliber (whatever that even means anymore) at live televised performance. But that's not for everyone! I also have a very visceral negative reaction to quirky singers though so my bias is likely showing.
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May 14, 2015 00:51
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She needed teeth whitening and was acting 15 while being in her early 20's. She sang with the largest affected accent Idol has ever seen. She was Tumblr brought to life. She was completely irritating and limited as a vocalist. So naturally I sort of grew to like her.
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May 14, 2015 02:33
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AMERICAN IDOL XIV FINALE: LIPS VS AGE Fittingly the show starts with Clark singing off-key. Fallout Boy performs "Centuries" with our final 2. It's terrible, and the song sucks. The audio mixing is atrocious. Nick looks zonked. Seacrest couldn't be bothered to shave for the finale. Or is permascruff that in these days? I wouldn't know. Harry is fuckin lit, and it's great. "The Jacksons" join Tyanna for a "Singaling" medley. She sounds better than she has all season. I can't say Tyanna necessarily deserves better than Tito and Jermaine ca.2015 but we certainly do. That was fun though. And of course loving Pitbull is here because it's a thing on television. I was laughing too hard to notice anyone else but I think I saw NKOTB and Nile Rodgers. The fallen females of XIV join Nile Rodgers. I missed Adanna and Sarina a lot. Joey and Maddie not so much. I can't figure out who two of the women onstage are and it turns out it's Chic. Jax doesn't get a solo but plenty of screentime. No harmonies by any of the Idols. And here's Ricky Martin to sing a new song. The way he's styled he looks like Seacrest and Harry had a clone baby. The song is horrible and it's taking forever. And now the males join him for "Livin' La Vida Loca". The Seev isn't here probably due to a moral objection. Qaasim actually sounds decent for the 2 bars they give him! And now an attempt to bring "She Bangs" to Idol without so much as a reference to William Hung. For shame. Ricky's completely gassed as they move into "The Cup of Life". All of the guys sound pretty good honestly. No harmonies but small victories count this season. Again, lots of fun. Janelle Monae is here to kick rear end on a kind of weak song. Actually it's a bad song, way below par for her. And here's Adanna to uhhh be there. And a guest spot from someone I have no clue about doing some autotuned burps. Prince Royce is here which all but certainly heralds impending Pitbull. Prince Royce is basically the Latino Jason Derulo, huh? This is pretty clearly prerecorded, and also garbage. And here's Pitbull!! Ahahaha this fuckin guy I'm just going to start ignoring the live camerawork and direction because dear god is it horrible. Wow, "Grandfathered" looks like a real winner.  FoxJoey Cook joins Echosmith for "Cool Kids". I wonder what's happening when the vocals sound good at first, only to look up see that it's Echosmith's singer. Of course. Yawn. Comedy segment one is... nice! Keith performs. He's a good guitarist but I don't care for his music. Skipped! Jamie Foxx and Rayvon are next with "In Love By Now". It's crazy how good Foxx is at basically everything. Him and Rayvon's voices work crazy good with each other. I honestly can't tell who's singing which part, which is shocking in the best way. Where was this Rayvon all season? This guy's loving amazing. Absolutely one of the best live vocals of the 2014/15 singshow season. Seek it out. Heartwarming Ford product placement segment, check. The Seev gets a pre-rec with NKOTB and a "live" medley. Sweet jesus. Daniel's mic is nowhere near his mouth during the opening, exposing his backing track. Donny Wahlberg's hairline makes me feel much better about my own. Dude looks like David Wain in sunglasses. Anyway this wasn't any good but whatever, fun. Vance Joy teams with Quentin on "Riptide", a song so nonexistent that I forget that I'm listening to it when I do. Also I hate it. Quentin clearly finally got the Vocal 101 training they wouldn't give him all season, because he sounds great and his pitch is on-point. Chris Brown is on my television and he isn't singing a note of this song. I don't care, I want Qaasim to come out, punch him in the dick then kick him in the face then drop the mic. Oh good Pitbull's back! This song is terrible but Qaasim is still a fantastic performer. Why he would align himself with Pitbull and loving Chris Brown is beyond me. Maybe the allure of never having to sing live? Here's Steven Tyler to warble out a lovely song and forget his own lyrics a few times. The live camera reveals Jax in the audience way ahead of schedule and keeps cutting to her awkwardly checking her mic pack. Jax comes out for "Piece of My Heart" to be a stage-walking backup singer as the final indignity of her time on this show. Jax interrupts Seacrest (in what I hope was a shoot) to give the farewell speech she deserved to give. Lambert got Queen, Daughtry got Live, Caleb got KISS, and Clark's big finale get is... Michael McDonald? Guess they'll be takin' to the streets, amiright?! Nick got some guy whose song he covered this season that I've never heard of/don't remember, which is only better in that I'm sure that guy's more current than loving Michael McDonald. They do dueling pianos on exactly what I said a second ago. It's boring. Season montage features virtually no singing. Hi Shi Scott! Hi Adam Ezegalian or whatever! Nick and Andy Grammer are back to sing the song he just poo poo the bed on last night. I heard this song in a commercial tonight so that's how I know it's current. They appear to be doing a few of Grammer's songs, which is a weird move given that he's not all that well-known. Also the songs are terrible, like honestly really bad. I don't believe for a second that either of them are singing live. At least Grammer had a good time up there. "Now listen here son, I've got a bone to pick with you." Holy poo poo, The Ghost of Dean Martin?! What are you doing here? "How dare you insult my good name?" I have no idea what you're talking about, man. "First things first kiddo; I'm NOT your man." Jesus, sorry. Mr Martin. "That's more like it. Second of all, where are all the chicks man, this is supposed to be the happeningest happening in Tinseltown and all I see are middle-aged dads escorting their barely pubescent girls with a smattering of Who's Who-- and I mean that literally, who the gently caress are these people-- of Fox... Network? Are you loving with me? What happened to Central, National, and American?" I couldn't possibly summarize that in-- "Third of all, who the hell are you to say that ghosts don't exist?" What... well, I mean. Yeah okay fine I said it. Ghosts aren't real. "Then who are you talking to, huh?" The wonderful woman who married me. "What... you mean your wife?" Well... yeah. Yes. But I don't use "my" because that implies ownership and I like to take small steps to disestablish the patriarc-- "Jeeeeezus christ shut the gently caress up you pussy! What are you, the webmaster of Tumblr or something?" How do you even know what that is? Your references are never anachronistic and frankly this all feels very tacked on and-- "Can it, Potsie. Of course it's tacked on; the show was over 20 minutes ago. But nooo, you couldn't leave well enough alone and went to the last well of comedy that anyone even noticed all season and here we are." ...fine. Ask me again. "Not a chance, sport. You wrote it the first time."  I'm talking to a ghost."*A* GHOST?!" I'm talking to The Ghost of Dean Martin. "That's god drat right." Could you please go now? "You think I want anything to do with you? You're trash, SHUPS. A real garbage person." You can't loving judge me. "Just did. *chugs martini straight out of the mixing glass* DEANO OUT *drops mic*" Well that could have gone better. Back to the show! Jennifer Lopez is performing a Rihanna song on the same stage that Chris Brown was on earlier tonight. The only way this is even remotely respectable is if it's a protest. "Diamonds" turns into "Locked Out of Heaven" and it's great. Jennifer's looked amazing all night and she sounds honestly great. Harry gets a synthesizer solo for all of 10 seconds. Probably punishment for his rampant drinking. I hope Nick wins because he had the best average score this season and Clark is a poo poo-for-brains little fuckhead. The Winner of The Worst American Idol Season to Date is...Nick Fradiani. Good. Not great, but good. They don't give Caleb a second of screentime even as Seacrest calls him up to the stage. Nick handles the win perfectly and it's an actually effective emotional close to the night. Congrats Nick! Thanks for validating my rating system and making me look like a shitheel in the process. WINNER GRADE: About 5.75 FINALE GRADE: B- SEASON GRADE: D+ See you next time for the last time. Our miserable journey is actually almost done.
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May 14, 2015 09:23
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:And now an attempt to bring "She Bangs" to Idol without so much as a reference to William Hung. 
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May 14, 2015 09:38
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Goodbye ghost Deano. You will be missed. Hahah Nick won. Goodbye Spirit of '84 you will be unremarked. SHUPS 4 DETH posted:They don't give Caleb a second of screentime even as Seacrest calls him up to the stage. shadow puppet of a fucked around with this message at 10:13 on May 14, 2015 |
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May 14, 2015 10:11
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Shups I demand that you watch every second of Sawyer and Pharrell dueting "summer breeze" and live post during it.
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May 19, 2015 05:48
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THE VOICE - FINAL 4? MAYBE? *checks TVLine* YUP PERFORMANCE FINALE "Yay original songs!" said no one ever. Whatever what am I doing here again? Eltoasto posted:Shups I demand that you watch every second of Sawyer and Pharrell dueting "summer breeze" and live post during it. Challenge accepted. [Team Pharrell]Sawyer Fredericks ft/Pharrell Williams, "Summer Breeze" (-7.25/10) Pre-Game: Analysis: Sawyer is the odds-on favorite to win this awful season. Pharrell has a 50/50 shot of winning the finale, and is absolutely the probable winner given that the best singer remaining (Koryn) and the most popular (Sawyer) are both on his team. With that said, I also predicted that if Team Christina didn't bring it home this season, she never would and she once again has no stake in the outcome (beyond Koryn having been a member of her team in the pre-season). Also it's after 6 am and I don't care about this season and haven't for weeks. So let's do this thing. LIVE RECAP: Oh gently caress here we go. These aren't words, Sawyer. Nice pre-rec chorus. Pharrell can't decide if he's rapping or singing. Why are there like 3 Pharrells singing on the choruses. And the live one isn't singing on pitch at all. And now Sawyer gets the lead and fucks it up. And he passes it to Pharrell who shits the bed hard. Everyone is off of everything. This is hell. I am adrift in a sea of atonality and missed beat cues. Holy poo poo, Post-Game Analysis: gently caress The Voice. Okay bye for now, go Koryn
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May 19, 2015 13:32
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 19:18 |
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Of course Sawyer won. Doesn't make the season any worse.
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May 20, 2015 04:05
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