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SIGSEGV
Nov 4, 2010


Well, there's also this for a more modern era:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MuyLraUsh4

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Duckbox
Sep 7, 2007

So has anyone else noticed that Viscardus is sitting on enough money to conquer half of Europe? Wonder what he's gonna use that for.

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012

Duckbag posted:

So has anyone else noticed that Viscardus is sitting on enough money to conquer half of Europe? Wonder what he's gonna use that for.

Hopefully conquering half of Europe, and replacing every ruler with a d'Hautville. And then renaming it "d'Hautvilleland".

i81icu812
Dec 5, 2006
Serbia-Nicaea-Lombardy is clearly the best country, I don't understand why this is not readily apparent.

Bot 02
Apr 2, 2010

Dude... Did my plushie just talk?

i81icu812 posted:

Serbia-Nicaea-Lombardy is clearly the best country, I don't understand why this is not readily apparent.

Any country that is preventing us from properly unifying Italy is quite clearly NOT the best country. :colbert:

e X
Feb 23, 2013

cool but crude
I don't really get the enthusiasm. weird inheritances happen all the time and this really isn't that out of the ordinary.

Bot 02
Apr 2, 2010

Dude... Did my plushie just talk?

e X posted:

I don't really get the enthusiasm. weird inheritances happen all the time and this really isn't that out of the ordinary.

It's a Serbia thing:

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Luhood posted:

Hopefully conquering half of Europe, and replacing every ruler with a d'Hautville. And then renaming it "d'Hautvilleland".


i81icu812 posted:

Serbia-Nicaea-Lombardy is clearly the best country, I don't understand why this is not readily apparent.


The proximity of these two posts suggests a course of action, one which I wholly endorse. Let's get a d'Hautville on the SNL throne.

MatchaZed
Feb 14, 2010

We Can Do It!


Viscardus posted:

Sharp-eyed readers may notice that the Rassid Caliph is suddenly a Sayyid where his ancestors weren't. This is actually a mistake on Paradox's part (and mine and several other peoples', I suppose, for not realizing earlier), because they actually should have been from the beginning. In the course of doing some quick research on them, I discovered that the dynasty's founder, Al-Hadi ila'l-Haqq Yahya, was in fact a Sayyid, being patrilineally descended from Hasan, the son of Ali and Fatimah. So I fixed the mistake (and loosened the requirements for forming the Shia Caliphate slightly while I was at it, since it made perfect sense that they would declare it after conquering Mecca and uniting Arabia).

Have you submitted this to be changed in the histories for vanilla?

Viscardus
Jun 1, 2011

Thus equipped by fortune, physique, and character, he was naturally indomitable, and subordinate to no one in the world.
Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Calm (1400-1416)

Always eager for his next conquest, Maidar turns his eyes to Syria. The Mirdasids have been struggling for decades, and are no match for the seemingly-invincible horde.



In Palermo, the Duke of Modena argues for a relatively novel concept – that the future of warfare lies not in feudal levies and mercenaries but in professional armies. King Roberto, never having had a mind for military matters, is confused, but he has learned to trust his advisors. He allows the duke to implement reforms in view of eventually creating a truly professional army.



Eventually, the wicked Emperor Massimo goes too far, ordering the murder of a cousin of the King of Hellas. With the Pope’s blessing, the Greek king embarks upon a campaign to depose the emperor. He invites Roberto to join him.



Before Roberto can even make a decision, however, word comes that the campaign has ended with the sudden abdication of Massimo, leaving his young son Rolando on the throne.



Many of his vassals view him as nothing more than a Greek puppet, however, including the powerful Queen of Bulgaria.



Within the Latin Empire, it is she, not the emperor, who really holds power. When she rises in revolt, the entire empire rises with her.



While many of her predecessors had been content with controlling the empire from the shadows, deposing emperors at will, Ippolita dispenses with the charade, banishing the child emperor from Constantinople and taking the throne herself.



To the east, meanwhile, Maidar continues his campaigns. This time he moves north, into Armenia, hammering away at the increasingly-tattered Sultanate of Rum.



As yet he has avoided attacking the Christian powers of the region, chief among them the Kingdom of Jerusalem. With the death of King Bohemond, however, the great crusader kingdom seems as vulnerable as ever.



Back in Sicily, the crown prince dies suddenly in his sleep at the young age of 36.



With his death, the heir to the kingdom is once again a child – his eldest son, Lodovico.



Distressed at his son’s death, Roberto begins to retreat once again from affairs of state, focusing on his love of poetry and music.



The kingdom continues to run efficiently, though, thanks to the competence and loyalty of the king’s subordinates.



Eventually, after a long and prosperous rule, King Roberto IV passes away. His grandson Lodovico is crowned king.



Predictably, the coronation of a child king sets off new intrigues across the kingdom. Some would prefer to see an adult son of Roberto on the throne, while others merely see an opportunity for personal advancement.

Viscardus fucked around with this message at 11:34 on Dec 29, 2013

YF-23
Feb 17, 2011

My god, it's full of cat!


Maidar's really sweeping up the middle east isn't he. :stare:

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
Eh, it'll be fine. Syria is so far away!

ManicMarine
Oct 9, 2012
I am distressed that the name of this chapter was 'The Calm'. I see less than peaceful times on the horizon for the realm of d'Hautville.

Viscardus
Jun 1, 2011

Thus equipped by fortune, physique, and character, he was naturally indomitable, and subordinate to no one in the world.
Chapter Forty: The Storm (1417-1418)

Eventually, it is the Duke of Salerno who raises his banner in rebellion, demanding that young Lodovico step aside in favour of his uncle.



Shockingly, however, it is not old king Roberto’s third son, Alessandro, whom the duke desires to take the throne. It is Roberto’s second son, Francesco – a man whose mind has been so severely impaired since birth that he can hardly perform the basic functions of living without assistance.



The risible choice of claimant leaves the duke isolated among his peers and in no position to challenge the loyalist armies.



The loyalists win a major victory at Acerno, at it seems that it will decisively end the war.



Until, that is, the King of Africa proclaims his support for the duke’s rebellion. Having long been bitter about the reversion of Tunis to Sicilian control, he sees any rebellion as a worthwhile excuse for an attack on the city.



This, in turn, inspires a few other malcontents among the king’s vassals to join the rebellion despite its absurd premise.



Nevertheless, Salerno falls, and the rebels are in a poor position.



The young king is not satisfied sitting in Palermo waiting for the rebellion to end, however. Having grown up with a keen interest in – if not a particular aptitude for – military matters, he is eager to see the army himself.



Before he is allowed to leave for the front lines, however, he is made to marry his betrothed – a French princess.



Unfortunately, the young king does not appear to be well-suited to leadership, military or otherwise. A petulant, angry youth, he has passion for only one thing – war – and competence in one thing less.



His presence with the army makes little difference for good or ill, however, as the rebellion has begun to fizzle out under overwhelming loyalist pressure.



Eventually, the Duke of Salerno is captured and the rebels surrender.



The king insists on a heavy-handed response, eager to set an example. To the chagrin of most of the Sicilian nobility, the duke is stripped of all lands and titles and exiled from the kingdom entirely.



But it is the fate of the king’s uncle that truly horrifies them. Displaying unbridled contempt for Prince Francesco and his condition, Lodovico orders the man executed. The stigma of kinslaying means nothing to him.



Rather than striking fear into the hearts of his vassals, however, Lodovico succeeds only in renewing tenfold the rebellious sentiment that had been crushed with the revolt.



Though he is loath to admit the foolishness of his act of avunculicide, Lodovico is eventually convinced of the necessity of repairing relations with his outraged vassals, largely in the form of lavish gifts from his father’s massive treasury.



A few of the perceived ringleaders, including the Duke of Calabria, are given titles and honours in an effort to buy their loyalty.



It does not work.



One after another, Lodovico’s vassals declare their support for the duke’s rebellion, abandoning the king.



Just two years into his reign, Lodovico finds himself facing down the largest rebellion in Sicilian history.

e X
Feb 23, 2013

cool but crude
Aw man, there go our dreams of a united Italy.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
Well that went tits up in a hurry.

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012
Dammit Lodovico, you had one job!

Civilized Fishbot
Apr 3, 2011

Luhood posted:

Dammit Lodovico, you had one job!

It doesn't help that Lodovico is only equally as good at Diplomacy and Intrigue as his comatose/profoundly intellectually disabled uncle.

The Sandman
Jun 23, 2013

Okay!

So, I've, like, designed a really sweet attack plan that I'm calling Attack Plan Ded Moroz, like "Deadmau5!"

WUB!
...are you deliberately trying to implode the kingdom every decade or three?

Also, to hell with Serbia. Lombardia is ours by right.

And Africa must be made to pay for this treachery. They went in against a Sicilian when death was on the line, and now they shall suffer the consequences.

Readingaccount
Jan 6, 2013

Law of the jungle
I don't think we inherited Tunis directly, but this is a good example of why it's good to give away land from states you've split off or chosen as allies. Can't give away land to other landholders in vanilla, but it is possible to give it to some random schmuck and then set them free so your much larger ally gobbles them up almost all the time.

Sicily might be able to get out of trouble if it has enough allies and gold and fights carefully. If there are any claimants we'll need to assassinate them at the right moments.

Readingaccount fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Dec 30, 2013

Tevery Best
Oct 11, 2013

Hewlo Furriend
I'd say that pressing a claim for a mentally ill relative of the ruler is far from "absurd". After all, someone's going to have to take care of the ruler, right? And of the state. And if that person would be doing their job really well, why wouldn't dear uncle Francesco, on his deathbed because of an illness of some sort, or a very dangerous accident, appoint that man who guarded him well all these years as his successor? I'm very sorry nobody else was in the room at that moment, it all happened so fast!

DarkCrawler
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin
Good thing Ludovico's grandpa left him with all that money...

Civilized Fishbot
Apr 3, 2011

Tevery Best posted:

I'd say that pressing a claim for a mentally ill relative of the ruler is far from "absurd". After all, someone's going to have to take care of the ruler, right? And of the state. And if that person would be doing their job really well, why wouldn't dear uncle Francesco, on his deathbed because of an illness of some sort, or a very dangerous accident, appoint that man who guarded him well all these years as his successor? I'm very sorry nobody else was in the room at that moment, it all happened so fast!

It's absurd because this motive is so obvious that nobody else would back the revolution.

The Saurus
Dec 3, 2006

by Smythe

Civilized Fishbot posted:

It's absurd because this motive is so obvious that nobody else would back the revolution.

I'm sure some sort of power sharing deal could be worked out where the regent promises to lower taxes and crown authority or whatever, even the rear end in a top hat powerhungry Dukes of CK2 probably don't want a king THAT incompetent on the throne though, they need someone to protect their holdings against foreign invasion at least.

Pacho
Jun 9, 2010
So, we got our own Joffrey

Leperflesh
May 17, 2007

Yeah supporting a puppet in favor of an unpopular ruler is not exactly an unheard-of strategy, historically. If the nobles favor one of their own, but are well aware he has no legitimate claim on the throne, finding a pliable candidate that they all assume their guy can manipulate to their own benefit is a distinct possibility.

Sometimes they may even get away with it. Unlike in modern times, where political figures are seen on TV daily, historically most peasants went their whole lives never catching more than a fleeting glimpse of their ruler, perhaps during some well-staged public appearance. Of course there'd be rumors of the King's mental incompetence, but one does not speak treasonous things about the King's retardation out loud where someone else might hear, because you know, saying bad things about the King is illegal and harshly punished.

Of course, there's another limiting factor to puppet regimes; what happens when the puppeteers start to disagree among themselves about what the puppet should do next.

Dibujante
Jul 27, 2004

Leperflesh posted:

Yeah supporting a puppet in favor of an unpopular ruler is not exactly an unheard-of strategy, historically. If the nobles favor one of their own, but are well aware he has no legitimate claim on the throne, finding a pliable candidate that they all assume their guy can manipulate to their own benefit is a distinct possibility.

Sometimes they may even get away with it. Unlike in modern times, where political figures are seen on TV daily, historically most peasants went their whole lives never catching more than a fleeting glimpse of their ruler, perhaps during some well-staged public appearance. Of course there'd be rumors of the King's mental incompetence, but one does not speak treasonous things about the King's retardation out loud where someone else might hear, because you know, saying bad things about the King is illegal and harshly punished.

Of course, there's another limiting factor to puppet regimes; what happens when the puppeteers start to disagree among themselves about what the puppet should do next.

What government is less likely to infringe on the powers of the nobility than one lead by a potato?

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Dibujante posted:

What government is less likely to infringe on the powers of the nobility than one lead by a potato?

On the contrary, this is a recipe for authoritarianism! Don't you realise they have eyes everywhere?

DarkCrawler
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

Pacho posted:

So, we got our own Joffrey

Neither cruel or inbred. :colbert:

Viscardus
Jun 1, 2011

Thus equipped by fortune, physique, and character, he was naturally indomitable, and subordinate to no one in the world.
Chapter Forty-One: The Maelstrom (1419-1420)

With his levies vastly outnumbered by those of his rebelling vassals, Lodovico looks outside the kingdom for help, hiring thousands of mercenaries with the massive treasury accumulated under his father.



Before leaving for the mainland with his new army, Lodovico is pleased to hear that his wife is pregnant, hopefully ensuring him a successor even if he should fall during the civil war.



While the king makes his preparations, however, the few loyalists on the peninsula are faring poorly.



Finally, the king’s army lands in Calabria and immediately finds itself in battle outside Umbriatico.



The rebels are no match for the sheer size of Lodovico’s mercenary army and are soundly defeated.



Lodovico is merciless in victory, personally executing several of the captured rebels.



Whether for these sins or merely for political reasons, Lodovico soon finds himself excommunicated – some say at the behest of the Holy Roman Emperor himself. Fears of a German invasion evaporate when the Kaiser is reported dead mere weeks later, however.



Word also reaches Lodovico that though his wife gave birth to a son, the boy died of illness after only a few days.



Angrier than ever, Lodovico takes out his anger in an assault on Salerno, where another rebel enemy is slaughtered.



Lodovico finally receives a stroke of luck when he finds out that the Duke of Calabria, the rebel leader, was found wounded on the battlefield and taken into custody.



With the rebel leader imprisoned, his alliance quickly falls apart and the remaining rebels sue for peace.



Before Lodovico can savour his victory, however, a new disaster presents itself – the new Holy Roman Emperor has decided to launch an invasion of Italy, intending to depose Lodovico in the name of the Pope.



Hailing from Switzerland but tracing his family’s roots back to obscure Dutch minor nobility, Kaiser Thomas has much to prove, and sees the humiliation of an old national rival as the perfect way to do it.



Outraged as ever, Lodovico takes out his anger on his helpless prisoners, having the Duke of Calabria executed and stripping others of their titles. A lucky few are merely left to languish in the dungeons of Palermo.



One of the few people the king still trusts is his younger brother Alessandro, who is granted several recently-vacated titles.



The chaos caused by the effective collapse of the feudal system in most of Italy has severe ramifications, but Lodovico is far too busy to deal with such things.



He marches his army directly north, engaging a German army at Polesine. The Sicilians take the Germans by surprise on the banks of the Po, trapping them against the river and annihilating the invading army.



Fresh off a remarkable victory, even news of a new declaration of war by the King of Africa does little more than annoy Lodovico. He is content to leave Tunis to its fate and focus his attentions on the Germans.



Full of confidence, the king leads the army into German territory, marching into the Eastern Alps and taking the fight to the Emperor.



It is a miscalculation of horrific proportions. Trapped in the mountains of Styria, the Sicilians find themselves face to face with an imperial army far larger than they had anticipated.



Among the many casualties is the king himself. His body is found after the battle, an arrow through his throat.



In death, Lodovico manages to save his kingdom from further disaster – the invasion having been premised upon the need to depose the excommunicated king, the political will to continue it evaporates with the ascension of Alessandro.



Though Alessandro is every bit the opposite of his brother, he still faces a difficult task. His kingdom in disarray, his treasury depleted, and the crown in disrepute, it will be a long road back to the prosperity Sicily knew only a few years earlier.

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
Wow, Sicily is going through kings like shoes these days.

Readingaccount
Jan 6, 2013

Law of the jungle
He's got 2.7k gold and a bucketful of titles to buy over 100 positive relationship with per person, and he's probably smart enough to select people who already like him and/or have little reason to betray him. Don't know how high his tyranny bleed is but he should be fine. Even if a strong band of outliers rebel his core will beat the crap out of them, I'd be more worried about his successor who doesn't have a load of titles to distribute. He should probably off-load some of the ones he's got on his successor and go hunting for more to give him.
With that high stewardship he should even be able to fix the thieves guild in Apulia quickly.

Readingaccount fucked around with this message at 10:18 on Jan 1, 2014

The Saurus
Dec 3, 2006

by Smythe
He died because he FELL ASLEEP in battle? I knew the dude was slothful, but man.

MuteAllison
Nov 16, 2013
I honestly expected that battle in Switzerland to be the beginning of the end (at least us getting kicked out of North Italy or some such), but I'm surprised how well Lodovico managed to hold the kingdom together: so much so that I don't think Sicily's new king will have too much trouble returning prosperity. That is, unless there's all sorts of other misfortunes about to befall us...

RabidWeasel
Aug 4, 2007

Cultures thrive on their myths and legends...and snuggles!
I find it quite amusing that Lodovico getting himself killed was by far the best thing he could do for the kingdom :v:

Viscardus
Jun 1, 2011

Thus equipped by fortune, physique, and character, he was naturally indomitable, and subordinate to no one in the world.

MuteAllison posted:

I honestly expected that battle in Switzerland to be the beginning of the end (at least us getting kicked out of North Italy or some such), but I'm surprised how well Lodovico managed to hold the kingdom together: so much so that I don't think Sicily's new king will have too much trouble returning prosperity. That is, unless there's all sorts of other misfortunes about to befall us...

We got pretty lucky both in capturing the Duke of Calabria (because while that war was going about as well as it could have been, it was still going to be very hard to win) and in having Lodovico die. That said, neither war would have been that crippling to lose - the end result would have been Alessandro taking the throne anyway in each case, so all we really saved ourselves was a bunch of prestige and a level of crown authority. Even the Tunisian war was actually an excommunication war, but that was so dumb given that the king has a de jure claim on Tunis (and a claim on Sicily itself, for that matter) that I decided to just pretend it was for Tunis and give it to him.

Readingaccount posted:

He's got 2.7k gold and a bucketful of titles to buy over 100 positive relationship with per person, and he's probably smart enough to select people who already like him and/or have little reason to betray him. Don't know how high his tyranny bleed is but he should be fine. Even if a strong band of outliers rebel his core will beat the crap out of them, I'd be more worried about his successor who doesn't have a load of titles to distribute. He should probably off-load some of the ones he's got on his successor and go hunting for more to give him.
With that high stewardship he should even be able to fix the thieves guild in Apulia quickly.

You're right that in gameplay terms our position is not bad at all, and the damage can be fairly quickly recovered from. But this is a narrative LP, not one purely focused on the game mechanics. Constant civil wars and invasions should logically create a less stable realm, not to mention a variety of other possible problems. I do take this kind of stuff into account in various ways.

Edit: It's been so long since we had a king die without a nickname that I forgot, but we'll need one for Lodovico, so go ahead and get suggesting.

Viscardus fucked around with this message at 12:28 on Jan 1, 2014

Readingaccount
Jan 6, 2013

Law of the jungle
- Oh I c. Well, at least we've got a proper softy to bind the kingdom's wound this time around, if he lasts.

Nickname: Something related to his case of narcolepsy in the middle of battle. Just realized after Saurus pointed it out. :)

Readingaccount fucked around with this message at 12:46 on Jan 1, 2014

The Saurus
Dec 3, 2006

by Smythe
I'd suggest Ludwig the Pig but that's offensive to pigs.

How did you get 'the rich' as a nickname on the previous king Visc, do you get that from the "amass a hoard of wealth" ambition? Or is it related to the gain a nickname ambition?

Tevery Best
Oct 11, 2013

Hewlo Furriend
Bad King Lodovico.

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Viscardus
Jun 1, 2011

Thus equipped by fortune, physique, and character, he was naturally indomitable, and subordinate to no one in the world.

The Saurus posted:

I'd suggest Ludwig the Pig but that's offensive to pigs.

How did you get 'the rich' as a nickname on the previous king Visc, do you get that from the "amass a hoard of wealth" ambition? Or is it related to the gain a nickname ambition?

It was randomly assigned (due to his having a lot of money); there were no ambitions involved.

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