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  • Locked thread
JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Yeah, horriblePencilist, I enjoy your physics analyses, but you may be stepping dangerously close to breaking the safari rule, so please stick to discussing the book and avoid communicating with Miranda Leek. This sort of thing is what got the Post Your Favourite TV Tropes / Deviantart threads closed, if I recall correctly.

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Jeek
Feb 15, 2012


And I recall that it ruins the Tails got Trolled thread as well.

I'm calling dip on the fight between Railrunner and the robbers, by the way. Should be fun to write from the opposite angle.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



paragon1 posted:

See if you can spot the spelling error in Bobbin's post.

Found it! :v:

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




I love how in every loving post Miranda says that HER CHARACTERS ARE TOTALLY ORIGINAL DO NOT STEAL. She even has an OC tag for her DA, along with some...less-savoury ones :gonk:

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




Oh jesus gently caress there's a picture of a rollercoaster in a wedding dress

And... and two of a pregnant rollercoaster, one of the pictures has another rollercoaster feeling the pregnant coaster's belly

why

e: OK, looks like the coaster in a wedding dress is pregnant too. Make that three of a pregnant coaster.

e2: Another pregnant coaster, I'm going to stop counting now

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Dreggon posted:

Oh jesus gently caress there's a picture of a rollercoaster in a wedding dress

And... and two of a pregnant rollercoaster, one of the pictures has another rollercoaster feeling the pregnant coaster's belly

why

e: OK, looks like the coaster in a wedding dress is pregnant too. Make that three of a pregnant coaster.

e2: Another pregnant coaster, I'm going to stop counting now

Links, please. Share the horror; that's what this thread is all about.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Sorry for my previous posts, if I was encouraging the safari rule. As a once avid follower of the Tails Gets Trolled thread, I know the dangers of tapping the glass. Last thing I want to do is get the thread closed.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




JosephWongKS posted:

Links, please. Share the horror; that's what this thread is all about.

Click any of the deviantART links in this post:

horriblePencilist posted:

Place your bets!



Bonus: Miranda complaining about people complaining about sexualized anthros.

Bonus 2: This barely legible poster says Miranda published Twisted when she was 16. The Amazon page of the book claims she wrote it "with the tender age of 17". :psyduck:

Bonus 3: Miranda is doing a QnA. At least ask her semi-serious questions, the least we want is some goons cyberbullying her leading into the subsequent gassing of the thread.

Look on the right side and you can see the horror for yourself.

...

Let's save you some time



e: jesus loving christ there is a sex scene on there as well, find the rest yourself :barf::barf::barf::barf::barf::barf:

loving hell. Have another Hitler dog.

where the red fern gropes fucked around with this message at 06:49 on Apr 30, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Dreggon posted:

e2: Another pregnant coaster, I'm going to stop counting now

About third of her gallery is pregnant roller coaster.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




But they're supposed to be reptiles, aren't they? Why does she get pregnant?
Not to mention Miranda seems to forget how long her loving psychocoasters are. How do they get bo-
NO. BAD THOUGHT PROCESS BAD :suicide:

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


SSNeoman posted:

But they're supposed to be reptiles, aren't they? Why does she get pregnant?
Not to mention Miranda seems to forget how long her loving psychocoasters are. How do they get bo-
NO. BAD THOUGHT PROCESS BAD :suicide:
As a rule of thumb furry characters function identically to mammals, unless specifically specified otherwise.

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."


Kjoery posted:

As a rule of thumb furry characters function identically to mammals humans because doing the drat research / using one's imagination / otherwise giving serious thought to how other species or lord help you classes of animals behave or even function is hard unless specifically specified otherwise.

Fixed that for you.

Rahonavis fucked around with this message at 13:13 on May 1, 2013

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Welp. You were right.

:nws: :nms: http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/119/0/b/anatomy_of_a_redmother_by_railrunnermiranda-d63hche.jpg :nms: :nws:

:psyduck: :psyduck: :psyduck:

I just have so many loving questions about this. Well, do your thing horrible thought process.

1) Where does the baby come from? I sure as hell hope it doesn't go through the length of her loving body because that would be 20 feet of painful contractions!
1a) That umbilical chord needs to be much, much longer in that case.
1b) I know they're ~*speshul OC characters donotsteal*~, but do you know how high the chances of the baby getting strangled by the umbilical chord would be?

2) So their reproductive organs are on the first few segments, yes? So what the gently caress are the other segments for?

3) THEY HAVE HUMAN INTERNAL ORGANS?! WHAT THE poo poo WHAT HOW?! That makes no sense at all! How does their spine work? Or how can such a tiny liver function for such an enormous monstrosity?!

4) I don't care what Miranda says, giving birth when the baby has loving chairs sticking out of it is painful and dangerous for everyone involved.

5) Metal. loving. Skin. Miranda.


EDIT: JWKS, I didn't draw that picture :v: That's concept art of Detective Tyrell Badd from Ace Attorney Investigations.

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 02:49 on May 1, 2013

Brick Shipment
Jun 22, 2009



Her character design is terrible, but the one thing she could do to improve them is to give them not poo poo facial expressions. They're either growling or smug smiling in every single loving picture.
That Hitler dog bleeds more charm than the smugcoasters do.

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012


I, well, wrote a thing for your relief. Or for you to throw up more at. :shobon:

Bob’s latest victim – a young woman – predictably screamed as he and his gang closed in to her in the alley.

“Get your wallet out now, lady. You don’t want a scar on your pretty face, do you?” Bob said as his knife made little flourishes in the air.

“Hey! Leave her alone!”

Bob heard a man coming from behind. He turned to the man with a fake smile. “So this is your boyfriend, sweetcheeks? Your Prince Charming is coming to rescue you, heh?”

“Rodney, what –”

It is nothing new to Bob. Before she could utter another word, one of his lackeys held his knife against her throat while the other three and Bob circled the man.

“Gentlemen, I am the wrong person you want to deal with.” Bob has heard enough of these empty threats. With a motion of his hand, one of his underlings struck Rodney from the side. As Rodney fell to his knees against the wall, the other two underlings joined in, kicking him squarely in the ribs.

Bob motioned them to stop the assault, and they stepped back, letting Rodney to get back on his feet after a moment. Then Bob made his move.

“Wrong person to deal with? I don’t think so!” The rest of the gang laughed as Bob punched Rodney right in his cheek.

Rodney, however, simply wiped the blood off his face and look at the sky. A cold smirk, befitting the beast within him, appeared on his face. “I am warning you, gentlemen, but you gonna get your rear end kicked in a minute.”

“Oh, so you haven’t had enough?” Carl, Bob’s largest henchman, ran at him, only to find himself pushed to the side by Rodney’s inhuman strength. The last thing he saw before Rodney struck was a crazed grin, complete with a pair of cruel fangs.

“Come on Railrunner!” The woman cheered.

“What, woman? Who the heck is Railrunner?” Bob asked.

“This is me.” Rodney turned back, baring his foul fangs in full.

“That is you? Why in the hell are you called that?” Bob replied out of sheer confusion.

A hollow, machine-like laugh left Rodney’s mouth. “You’re going to see. Just as the moon rises, you will witness my true power and the monster that I really am. My disguise will be uncovered, and you will see the error of your ways.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bob turned away from Rodney’s frightening visage to the sky. The moon is indeed rising, a ghostly sphere haunting the starless sky.

“This!” Bob turned at Rodney’s roar and found a ghastly sight.

Saliva dripped from the rows of fangs in Rodney’s mouth, now deformed into a draconian snout. His reptilian fingers busily tore off his skins in strips, exposing red, metallic segments underneath. Rows of bumps grew and broke through the skin on his back, revealing themselves as seats, while the tailbone lengthened into more segments.

Bob would have laughed at the absurdity of it all, but he couldn’t.

Jeek fucked around with this message at 04:41 on May 22, 2013

Shonagon
Mar 27, 2005

It is impervious to reason or pleading, it knows no mercy or patience.

I am a commissioning editor for children's fiction. I have just received an unsolicited MS about the extraordinary friendship between a lonely girl and a grumpy but fun-loving double-decker bus.

IT'S SPREADING.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Shonagon posted:

I am a commissioning editor for children's fiction. I have just received an unsolicited MS about the extraordinary friendship between a lonely girl and a grumpy but fun-loving double-decker bus.

IT'S SPREADING.

At least the author has the decency to run it through an editor first.

Shonagon
Mar 27, 2005

It is impervious to reason or pleading, it knows no mercy or patience.

horriblePencilist posted:

At least the author has the decency to run it through an editor first.

Only in the sense that it's ricocheted off my desk and into the SAE supplied.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



Detective Black awoke in a fit of painful coughing. When it finally subsided into a pitiful moan, he opened his eyes and found himself lying in a hospital bed, an IV dripping into his arm and an oxygen tube stuck up his nose. Taking stock of himself, Black gingerly touched his chest and recoiled at the arc of pain that shot straight up his spine. The spike subsided into a numb ache that matched the one in his head after only a few tense breaths, leaving the detective to wonder how potent the drugs swimming through his veins had to be. Black groped along the steel bars surrounding his bed until he found a call button, and pushed it.

A nurse came in before long. "Oh, good, you're awake," Jenny said, visibly relieved. "Be careful not to move, sir. You sustained a moderate concussion."

"What's the rest of the damage?" Black asked, his lips thick and slurring the words. Still, the nurse seemed to understand him.

"Four broken ribs, mild to moderate contusions--bruises--along the back, arms, and legs, and a grade 1 sprained ankle. I know it sounds like a lot, sir, but considering your age, you should consider yourself lucky. Do you remember what happened last night?"

"Yes. Used a machete and got knocked out. Stupid of me. What about the others?"

The nurse's expression darkened. "You should get some rest, sir. You still have some amnesia if you don't remember the trip here. Just take it easy and let your body heal, alright?"

Jenny turned to leave the detective's bed, but Black grabbed her wrist. "How many?" he asked.

The nurse looked down at her arm and hesitated, but finally said, "Five dead. Seventeen in serious or critical condition, counting you. Over forty more with injuries."

"Cops?"

"Some of them. Four of the dead. The fifth was park security. Listen, sir, it doesn't matter right now, you've done all you can. Your family will be back before long--"

Detective Black shook his head, despite the way it made the room swim. "Get Hugo. Dr. Hugo DuLac. He'll know what I need."

Jenny hesitated again, but Black refused to let go until she promised to find the doctor. Satisfied, he closed his eyes. When they opened again, a tall black man with a shaved head in lilac purple scrubs stood at the foot of his bed.

"Jesus, Black. Looks like you got hit by a truck," DuLac commented, his Cajun accent still strong despite the years he'd spent away from Louisiana.

"Yep. Twice," Black chuckled, pain stabbing through his chest with each laugh. "You got the stuff, Hugo?"

The doctor frowned. "You know the powder is only a temporary fix. Everything will come back once it wears off, and if you get injured again..."

"They need me, Hugo. I know who he is. I know who his girlfriend is. I'll do all the healing I have to, but not until that thing is ours."

DuLac sighed and pulled a leather pouch off of his belt and opened it, revealing a dark, glittering dust. "God have mercy on us fools," he muttered as he sprinkled the powder over the length of Detective Black's body.

Black felt an instant wave of relief as the powder spread up from his toes. His ankle shrank back to its proper size, bruises vanished, ribs knit themselves into place, and all his nausea and drowsiness fell away, leaving his head perfectly clear. The detective pulled off the oxygen tube, sat up, and took a deep, satisfying breath.

"You now have twenty four hours until your injuries return," the doctor explained as he carefully removed the IV needle and various sensors from Black's body. "I'll get you some fresh bandages you can apply for when they do, but make sure you hold onto any braces you find when you take these off. I'll also let the hospital know why you're being discharged, and to expect you back before too long. And stay away from drugs, even caffeine and nicotine. The powder suppresses their effects, too, and everything will come crashing down on you once the it's done."

"Great time to quit smoking," Black muttered as he pulled on his pants. Still, DuLac's magic seemed to keep his tobacco cravings at bay, as well, and so he wasn't too worried that this occasion would go as poorly as his usual attempts to quit.

"Anything else you need?" the doctor asked as Black tied up his shoes.

"Yeah," the detective responded. "Gimmie some of that Hoodoo stuff to go. I got a feeling I'm gonna need it."

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Are you planning to have the powder "wear off" at the moment Black gets "slightly injured" during Railrunner's escape from prison?

Decoy Badger
May 16, 2009


Could we have a moratorium on all roller coaster pornography/erotica? Please? This novel is bad enough without knowing about the horrors that lurk beneath.

That being said, how far are we through this book? The big bad has finally been introduced, so maybe halfway? Or will Railrunner pull plot resolution powers out of his mammalian rear end and finish everything off in 2-3 more chapters?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



66 Chapters. We're close to being one third done with it.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Iced Cocoa posted:

66 Chapters. We're close to being one third done with it.

Oh for gently caress's sake, really? :ughh: There's no way she's gonna come up with any sane content for the...

This is going to be amazing. :allears:

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


When we get to the end, can I count Twisted! towards the Reading Challenge? I'd like to think I'm getting some use out of this.

TombsGrave
Feb 15, 2008



We're seriously only a third of the way through the book? ... You know, I'm gonna be honest, I was actually kind of afraid we were near the end. Because this has been a gloriously incomprehensible descent into madness so far.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




Iced Cocoa posted:

66 Chapters. We're close to being one third done with it.

There are two possibilities.

1. You are right and this will continue for ~40 more chapters and I should start finding some more dog pictures. (Unfortunately I could only find three of his dog drawings; I don't know if he did any more)
2. Surely, surely the book does not continue for that much longer. A few chapters more at most.

I don't know how you people find these things.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Dreggon posted:

There are two possibilities.

1. You are right and this will continue for ~40 more chapters and I should start finding some more dog pictures. (Unfortunately I could only find three of his dog drawings; I don't know if he did any more)
2. Surely, surely the book does not continue for that much longer. A few chapters more at most.

Iced Cocoa is right. Prepare for the thriller-filled ride (dohohoho) of your lives.


TombsGrave posted:

... a gloriously incomprehensible descent upwards into madness so far.

Fixed that for you.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 21 - The Assassin

quote:


The following morning, the sun shinned [sic] brightly in the sky, and there was not a cloud in sight. This morning I had woken up and thought about going to Clare’s house to visit, but I forgot I was in fairy tale land where nothing made sense anymore. I was starting to miss Clare and everything about her. I wondered what she was doing or if she was all right. I felt sickened that she wasn’t within my reach.


“I felt sickened that she wasn’t within my reach” takes on whole new sinister undertones in view of Railrunner’s characterization as a brutal sociopathic murderer and the “domestic abuse” subtext of the book so far.

And even apart from that, “wasn’t within my reach” is something you use in relation to people you hate, not people you love.


quote:


Today I wore my coat and vest; Thunderbark said we would be traveling into the village of Trenzon.


Take note of this description of Trenzon.

Also, I suspect that “Trenzon” is derived from “Train-Zone”.


quote:


There we would get supplies and the like. He said it was at the bottom of the mountain, and it was a small town with less than forty rides. I walked beside Thunderbark while Merrylegs and Static brought up the rear. I kept my hood down; I would pull it up and over my head before we entered Trenzon. That way I was hidden and nobody could see any red metal, not even my “hands”.




Bahahahahahaha oh gods I can’t stop laughing


quote:


Then Thunderbark crouched behind a large rock at the edge of the mountain. He peered at the nearby city below him. He smiled and looked to me.


I mean, conceivably a place could be described both as a “town” and a “city”, but I can’t fathom the process that causes a place to be described as both “village” and “city” within two paragraphs of the same chapter.


quote:


“That is Trenzon, Railrunner. I’ll be watching you closely as you roam around. Don’t do anything stupid! Keep to yourself and don’t speak unless you are addressed to. Here is some money,” he said handing me a small bag of coins. “Spend it wisely.”


Why does Thunderbark let Railrunner “roam around” at all? Thunderbark has witnessed the level of maturity and self-control demonstrated by Railrunner – why does he trust Railrunner to not “do anything stupid”?


quote:


“Where did you get money?” I said as I peered into the bag.

“First of all our currency is called g’s. Second, I got them from Moonhoof.”


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has money and currency and calls them “g’s”.

A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” uses coins for its currency.


quote:


“Oh, well anything else you would like to share with me?”

“Keep your head down but be alert! Finally watch our backs. Now, let’s get moving, we have lots of ground to cover.” He finished springing forward.

I nodded and pulled my hood over my head.

Within the next thirty minutes, we had succeeded in reaching the base of the giant mountain. Trenzon was right in front of us now. Its appearance looked like carnival booths that had a modern and old world feel.


It sure would take an “imaginative” mind to evoke both “modern” and “old world” at the same time.


quote:


The buildings were ten times the size here than in the real world.


I’ve mentioned it before, but it still bugs me. Even if I were not a native of the parallel world (which these characters are), I would call that world by its name or as “Mirror World” or “Other World”. I wouldn’t call either world “the real world”, because that would imply that the other one isn’t “real”.


quote:


Steel was also heavily used, from structures of buildings to art sculptures. The strange letters were written among them, from small to large characters.


Can someone with knowledge in materials science or construction advise on whether it’s feasible to use steel as the primary material for buildings which are “ten times the size” of the “real world”?


quote:


We walked toward Trenzon’s entrance, two large stone sculptures that were in the shape of a tooth jutted out of the ground. Together they looked like an unfinished arch.

“Those are called Bast; they are positioned at the entrance of every city, village, or town. The larger the city is in rank, the taller the Bast are,” said Thunderbark. “So you may run along, I’ll get you when I’m done.”


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has a strict hierarchy of settlements demarcated by the size of their entrances.


quote:


“I’m not a baby.”

“Really? You said you were one yesterday.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes and walked forward.


Every character in this book who’s an amusement park ride is an unlikable rear end in a top hat.


quote:


Merrylegs and Static had already wandered off in the randomly placed bazaars. I looked around; there were all sorts of rides here, from carousel horses to roller coasters. They all seemed to stare at me, stopping whatever they were doing just to get a glance. What to do first?


Why does everyone in Railrunner’s posse just abandon him – someone who’s never been to Amusement Park Between and who’s displayed the immaturity of a baby and the intelligence of a brick – in the middle of a town, full of opportunity for danger and trouble, and wander off to do their own things? Why are they all so flamingly irresponsible and selfish? Are they all secretly on the side of Ironwheel?


quote:


Then I spotted a sign above a shop, three of the strange letters were on it, from reading the book I was given, I knew they said “bar”. That was where I was heading; I had to get my mind off a few things for a while.


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has bars and shops like any ordinary human town.


quote:


As I entered the bar, everyone looked at me suspiciously, and then they went back to whatever they were doing previously. I sat next to a white carousel horse at the counter, a blue roller coaster stood behind it bartending.

“What will it be?” He said not even turning to glance at me like he was used to this sort of thing all the time.

“What you got?” I replied not looking up.

“You traveler?” The coaster asked in a profound voice.


What the hell is a “profound” voice? How can a voice be “profound”?

Also, what kind of tyrannical oppressive state is this Ironwheel running if everyone is allowed to travel freely from place to place (which must be the case if nobody is surprised to see a new face in town)?


quote:


“You could say that.”

“Hmm, We have beer, wine, but for you, I suggest a Red C.”

“Lay it on me.”


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has beer and wine, just like “the real world”.

Also, why does Amusement Park Between even have bars and alcoholic beverages? None of them can get drunk in the first place, according to Chapter 7.


quote:


Within seconds, the coaster bartender whipped up the drink. Then he took it and sat it on a hovering disk, next he gently gave it a push and it floated towards me. I picked it up off the disk; it magically floated back to him. Thunderbark was right; this world did have more advanced technology.


See, I told you they had gravitational control. That’s how they are able to “descend up” all the time.


quote:


I lifted the cup to my lips, I felt the cold liquid slither down my throat, it tasted tangy and sweet, a surprisingly remarkable combination. It felt relaxing and satisfying.

“You like?” asked the bartender.

“It’s good.”

“You know, it was named after the red roller coaster.” He smiled.

“Really?” I replied sounding surprised.

“Yup, now that’s six g’s.”

I dug in the bag Thunderbark had given me, and pulled out six silver coins.


“A place from the most imaginative mind” uses the same precious metals for its currency, just like “the real world”.


quote:


The coaster took them and thanked me, and then he turned his attention to another customer.

I continued to sip the beverage down. I checked my surroundings, but suddenly the blue coaster walked back over with an adequate smile.


What the hell is an “adequate” smile? How can a smile be “adequate”?


quote:


“So,” he started. “Where you from?”

“Out of town,” I replied not really lying.

“ Hmm, we do get a lot of travelers here, Trenzon is kind of like a pit stop. Any reason why you’re wearing that cloak? The temperature is quite warm.”

I almost choked on my drink. “ Well - it is because I have a scar that runs down my entire body, it’s real embarrassing.” I said making the poo poo up as I went along. I felt more unease by the second.


Railrunner continues to be the worst liar ever. You’d think at least Thunderbark would plan out his cover story in advance, but no, everyone just leaves Railrunner alone to flounder and get in trouble.

The more I read this book, the more I despise every single member of Railrunner’s murderous gang. There are new things to hate about them in every chapter.


quote:



“Sorry I asked, I would have done the same thing.”

I nodded, but then a horrible image popped into my head. Merrylegs was being attacked, being held against her will. I shook my head trying to clear it, but nothing worked.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

“I -.”

Then I heard Merrylegs’s terrified nay [sic]. I looked at the exit startled. Wait a minute, didn’t Thunderbark say I could predict the future! So Merrylegs was in trouble! I got up quickly and stormed out the bar’s doors. Static came to me in a panic.


Thunderbark told Railrunner that roller coasters could predict the future in Chapter 7. This is Chapter 21. There were 13 chapters in between in which Railrunner got into plenty of trouble without a single premonition.


quote:


“Merrylegs has been kidnapped, Railrunner!”


Can you still call it “predicting the future” if what you “predict” has already happened and someone else just tells you about it the very next minute?


quote:


“Who was it!” I demanded.

“I don’t know! It was a grey go- kart!”

I growled in anger, I tasted the air for Merrylegs’s sent [sic]; I found hers along with the nasty odor of her kidnappers. I got on all my wheels and ran at full speed.


It’s kind of creepy that Railrunners knows the “sent” of Merrylegs.


quote:


I navigated in and out of buildings, as fast as I could.


Why is Railrunner able to freely go “in and out” of buildings? Aren’t any of those buildings occupied or locked? Is Trenzon actually a commune with commonly-held property? If so, this “brutal dictatorship” of Ironwheel is even more liberal and easy-going than I’d thought.


quote:


I was going to make sure Merrylegs’s life wasn’t going to be stolen. I rounded a corner and came to a grinding halt. The grey go-cart was holding her pinned against the wall; he was going in for the kill.

I let out a nasty snarl; the assassin stopped his deadly attempt and looked in my direction.

“You’re not very smart; kidnapping her was a bad move, very bad indeed.” I hissed, arching my back and creeping toward him.

“Excuse me, you dare speak to one of the Fallen?” he said, I could sense he was constrained.


“Constrained” by what?


quote:


“Why do you taunt me so? Dare you argue with a roller coaster?” I continued as I stood and extracted my claws.

“Dare I do.” He said as he sprung at me.


It’s hard to top this sequence for unintentionally hilarious dialogue.


quote:


His teeth sunk into one of my seats through the coat, he had made a terrible mistake, I thought to myself. I flung him off and chased him through the alley. He darted into the open, spectators fleeing in fear as he turned to face me. He lunged at my head; he landed and started to beat me with his big tires. I raised my arm and pried him off and threw him at a steel pillar.

He started to turn around for another attack, but I ran up on him and stuck him with my claws. They went strait [sic] through the pitiful ride him and the pillar. I pulled them out and watched the go-cart drop dead. I licked the blood off, and sighed in relief.


Ah yes, “lick the blood off” is a thing heroes do, don’t they?


quote:


“Oh my -.” I heard someone say behind me. I turned to see Trenzon’s residents pointing and staring at me.

“He killed a Fallen!”

“Is that -.”

“It is!”

I felt my face, my hood was down! They could see me!

I stepped backward in shock; Thunderbark came running up beside me.

“Railrunner! How could you be so careless?” He scolded.


Because every single one of you left him alone in an environment he’s never been in! What the hell is wrong with all of you?


quote:


“Thunderbark, I was being attacked!”

The crowd exchanged comments again.

“No wonder he was wearing a cloak.” I head the blue coaster say to himself.

“Please stop!” shouted a voice. A green bumper car rolled out in front of everyone. Despite the calamity, he smiled broadly.

“Greetings, I am Mayor Storm. I apologize red roller coaster for this inconvenience. What is your name might I ask?”

I looked at Thunderbark, unexpectedly he told me go ahead.

“It is Railrunner.” I finally replied.

The Bumper car then turned to the crowd. I raised my eyebrow as I wondered what he was to do next.

“Let it be known that today is the day the tyrant, the red roller coaster, Railrunner, has returned hope to Amusement Park Between!”


Wait, Railrunner is titled a “tyrant”? So Amusement Park Between is trading a “dictator” for a “tyrant” and that’s supposed to improve their lives because?

Or does Miranda Leek simply not understand what “tyrant” means? Admittedly, in the original ancient Greek, “tyrant” referred to anyone who obtained supreme leadership of a city and did not carry any ethical or moral judgment, but I seriously doubt Miranda Leek is making reference to that interpretation of the word.


quote:


“Let him bury the Fallen, Freakshow, and the evil king Ironwheel!” The residents of Trenzon applauded in an uproar. Then Thunderbark walked up to the mayor and whispered into his ear. “My loyal subjects!”


If this guy is a “Mayor”, isn’t he elected? Why then are the residents of Trenzon his “subjects”?

Is it a hereditary position that simply happens to be called “Mayor”? But that can't be the case - Thunderbark said in Chapter 20 that "the rides here come from being tossed aside in the real world. When they have worn out their life there, they are put aside by humans. They lie in rest, doomed they seem, until they are given a new life in Amusement Park Between.”


quote:


“Railrunner’s teacher wishes me to address you this message. His identity must be kept secret! If word got out that he has returned; all hope is lost! No one under any circumstances lets the word out of our city!” The audience nodded in approval. Then the mayor turned to me.

“All hail Railrunner!” he said kneeling. Everyone behind him followed his action, kneeling down in rows like dominoes. I found this incredibly embarrassing.

“Well done.” Thunderbark said in approval.

“Thanks. I wish we could stay, but you, Merrylegs, Static, and I know we must continue and find the temple. Like he said, we’ve given hope to Amusement Park Between.” I sighed, the white coaster then patted my shoulder.

“Well put my friend.” Thunderbark said as he smiled in favor.


For an oppressive dictatorship in a world with highly advanced technology, Ironwheel seems to have little means of keeping track of what’s going on within his domain.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 08:15 on May 2, 2013

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






I'm having way too much fun writing fan fiction. It's even at the expense of my own CYOA thread. I'll post it when I get home and finish it up

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



quote:

There we would get supplies and the like. He said it was at the bottom of the mountain, and it was a small town with less than forty rides. I walked beside Thunderbark while Merrylegs and Static brought up the rear. I kept my hood down; I would pull it up and over my head before we entered Trenzon.

Less than forty rides. A village/town/city with building ten times taller than the buildings in the real world as Miranda puts it. And they're also able to mine precious metals in a very green way, given how a village/town/city can have buildings ten times the size of buildings in the real world but still made of steel. That's going to be a lot of steel.

Also, given that Firinium is the rarest metal, I can't really see how that could be mined and refined in any green way, especially since every single ride is supposed to own a jewelry made out of Firinium.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


attackbunny posted:

When we get to the end, can I count Twisted! towards the Reading Challenge? I'd like to think I'm getting some use out of this.


One of the criteria in the Reading Challenge thread is that it is "for your own betterment". Ask yourself - "Does reading Twisted make me a better person?"

AreYouStillThere posted:


What counts as a book?

Basically anything, if you want it to. This is a personal challenge for your own betterment - if you want to read the entire collection of Star Wars novels, feel free. Audiobooks and graphic novels count at your own discretion. Short stories probably won't count, but short story collections do.

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012


JosephWongKS posted:

One of the criteria in the Reading Challenge thread is that it is "for your own betterment". Ask yourself - "Does reading Twisted make me a better person?"

Does "making one do creative writing after not doing so for years" count? :v:

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



JosephWongKS posted:

Can someone with knowledge in materials science or construction advise on whether it’s feasible to use steel as the primary material for buildings which are “ten times the size” of the “real world”?

As an outer covering, which is the only part a visitor would ever really see? Absolutely. Industrial steel alloys also form the backbone of every skyscraper ever built; the real trick is designing the structure's shape to withstand whatever forces nature may apply to it. Ten-story buildings are fairly easy to construct using modern building methods and materials, but I get the feeling that what Miranda meant was to say that the buildings are "roller coaster" sized as opposed to human-sized. That is, of course, considerably less than ten times the scale of a human, but that's my best guess.

quote:

“Constrained” by what?

"Concerned," maybe?

quote:

Wait, Railrunner is titled a “tyrant”? So Amusement Park Between is trading a “dictator” for a “tyrant” and that’s supposed to improve their lives because?

Or does Miranda Leek simply not understand what “tyrant” means? Admittedly, in the original ancient Greek, “tyrant” referred to anyone who obtained supreme leadership of a city and did not carry any ethical or moral judgment, but I seriously doubt Miranda Leek is making reference to that interpretation of the word.

While this is technically true, even the ancient Greeks had developed a negative connotation to tyranny before the end. So no, no excuses.

quote:

If this guy is a “Mayor”, isn’t he elected? Why then are the residents of Trenzon his “subjects”?

Mayors can be appointed. The title of "mayor" is older than the idea of electing them, for that matter.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Bobbin Threadbare posted:


Mayors can be appointed. The title of "mayor" is older than the idea of electing them, for that matter.


I see. That still doesn't make the Trenzon residents the "subjects" of Mayor Storm, though. If he's an appointed mayor, they would be the subjects of the higher authority that appointed him.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




This book is exploring new and exciting ways to be terrible. This is what people mean when they say 'aggressively bad'.

Notice that Miranda uses that 'save-a-lesser-character-from-attackers(in a dark alley no less!)' cliche again.

Thunderbark is such a loving moron. And so is Railrunner. Yeah, let's spend money in a new city to get drunk. Super idea.
I know other fantasy novels do this, and I guess if Railrunner said "After all that happened, I could REALLY use a drink" I'd sympathize, but this would be good characterization AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT!

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


quote:

You know, considering the shape of his face, putting on the hood would completely block his eyesight.

e: also, in this "high-tech" world, they use wooden signposts :confused:

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






“Heya. Thanks for stopping by. I know you didn't have to.” The Captain motioned for you to have a seat and you reluctantly accept.

“What’s this about?” You ask. “What’s so important that you had to pull me away from my family? My w-“ You falter.

The Captain hesitates, his finger tracing the edge of a file on his desk. “We need you tonight.” He rushes through the rest of his statement as you stand up and turn to leave. “You’ll only be on high alert. I don't even think we'll be using you honestly. Black thinks its the… thing that put your wife in the hospital. After tonight I’ll accept your resignation letter. So please!? The men need your leadership; I don’t want to lose any more officers tonight.”

You stop at the door and brace yourself against the frame.

“The men are down in briefing waiting for you. And Harry?” You slightly turn your head. “Thank you, and I’m sorry. Against this monster, you’re the only person who I can think of that would get the most people out alive.”

“Yea.” You barely say as you head off to meet your men.

As you near the room, you scoff at the “Good Luck Harry!” balloons that still float around. You were supposed to have retired by now. You were supposed to be done today. Instead of enjoying your day, you were at the hospital most of the time by your wife, an officer who was injured at that bar where that monster emerged and raised hell.

You don’t really know what to make of it to be honest. Everyone you spoke to swears what they saw was real, and if your wife wasn't in a coma, you’d think it was an elaborate hoax your co-workers were playing on you.

The party thrown in your honor was hardly a party at all. Morose faces. Hushed whispers and stolen glances. Everyone walked on eggshells and they did their best to avoid the topic of your wife.

As you enter the briefing room, you can see your men perk up at the sight of you. That glint you see in their eyes; it's hope. Hope that they'll all live to see their families again. You let a small smile slip. Another SWAT team member slaps you on the shoulder and welcomes you in. You start to believe things will turn out okay.






You sit in the back of the SWAT van speeding toward the carnival outside of town. You inspect your equipment over and over again; it's the only thing that calms your nerves before heading out into the field. Seated next to you, a rookie is nervously tapping his foot; what was his name? You lean back and catch a glimpse of his name tag stitched to the body armor on his back. James. "Bastion." You say.

James Bastion seems to snap out of his reverie. "Yea Harry?" He says.

"You're one heck of a marksman." You say.

"Heh. Thanks Harry." He responds.

"We're lucky to have you with us." You say.

James smiles, visibly more at ease. Funny how a few simple words can lighten the mood.

Moments later, time stops having any meaning. The van stops and the doors fly open. You're on the ground with your team headed towards the food court. Five of you. James, Marlo, Stefan and Sarai.

Your comms crackle to life. "Unit eight, checking in. All clear."

You and your team move at a brisk pace with you on point. Civilians run in panic but at least have a mind to run around the armored men with guns. Your eyes dart side to side with your M4 Carbine matching the movements, always aiming where you are looking.

"Unit nine, all clear by the carousel."

You begin to hear something that separates itself from the noise of the crowd. You crouch and stop, holding your left fist in the air, commanding your men to do the same. You slowly turn the corner of the stall and you furrow your brow. You're not quite sure what that is. You press the button on your neck and speak into your comms.

"Unit ten, we may have...poo poo, it's him!" You shout. The monster snaps his head towards you, and before you or your team can make sense of what they're seeing, the roller coaster charges down your team as quick as a snake's strike.

"It's him!" You yell, squeezing the gun's trigger. "We're on the north side, by the--grk!" Ice slides into your body and you lose your footing. Your team valiantly attempts to hold their ground, but their bullets do nothing.

"poo poo, gently caress! He got Harry!" James shouts into his mic.

You're bleeding out. You're getting dizzy really quickly, but you still have your hand on your rifle and you can still move it. If it's the last thing you do, you'll give your men a fighting chance to make it out of this alive. "RUN!" You yell to your squad as loud as your failing lungs allow you to. With shaking hands you fire on the monster trying to draw his attention away from your squad-mates long enough for them to retreat.



Your last thought before your plan worked was, "Bethany, I'm sorry I won't be there for you and Scarlet."

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


quote:

“All hail Railrunner!” he said kneeling. Everyone behind him followed his action, kneeling down in rows like dominoes.
HE'S A BUMPER CAR HE HASN'T GOT ANY KNEES

HOW IN THE EVERLOVING gently caress

ARGH

GRRAGH

BLUH

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.

College Slice

Hell, I'm feeling inspired. I'm going to take a bit of a different direction for this one than everyone else, though.

-----

Squeak. Scamper. Grab. People messy eaters. I am grateful.

Food in hand. Feet close by. Run from feet. The bars. They can't reach me through the bars.

Safety from feet. Take a moment to relax. Start eating the food. I am grateful to the peo--wait.

Across from me. Large thing. Reminds me of snake. Snakes eat mice. I am afraid. I wait.

Nothing happens. It does not eat me. Perhaps too large to be actual snake? Perhaps too large to consider me a meal. I resume eating.

I finish the food. I prepare to grab another piece. Turn, start movi--wait.

The snake-thing also moves. It has arms. It points one at me. I am confused.

The hand comes apa--SQUEAK! PAIN. PAIN! Popping sounds. Coming from me. I am afraid.

The hand rises. I rise also. Too much pain. Can't think straight. Everything's fading...

The hand clo--SQUEAK!! EVERYTHING BREAKING. TWISTING. TURNING. FEAR! PAIN!! SQUE--

+++++++

"Whoa, awesome," Railrunner said to himself quietly as the blood of the mouse splashed across his body. "Now, if I can do that to a mouse..." Right on cue, the door slammed open, startling the lazy guards. Detective Black stormed through as the cell guards tried to look composed, instead of eating cereal when they should have been watching the multi-ton monstrosity in the cell. Railrunner felt a grim smile spread across his face...

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Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



Detective Black encountered his family on his way out of the hospital. His wife and daughter were both shocked to see him up and about, particularly since they had seen him earlier that morning, and neither were happy to hear what he had done to get discharged, nor why. Still, Mrs. Black knew he had to go back out and help, knew it as well as she knew that he was a police officer on the day she met him. Black was also pleased to see his daughter finally show some concern for her family, although he couldn't resist teasing her about how it took him landing in the ER to get her attention.

The police station fell silent as Detective Black walked in. Everyone present knew exactly what had happened to him, what had happened to every officer on duty the night before, and seeing one of those casualties pass through the building, grim-faced and intent, was like watching a ghost on the hunt for its murderer.

The captain jumped up from his desk as Black stepped into his office. "Jesus, God in Heaven! Black, I--we heard what happened to you..."

"You know it's hard to stop us Paranaturals, Captain," the detective responded. "I'm working on borrowed time, though, so if you could give me the short version?"

"Yes...yes, of course. Well, you know, we thought you were out of commission, so when the FBI showed up, well..." Black turned and noticed for the first time the second person in the captain's office. The man sat straight up, both feet flat on the ground, toes pointed forward, hands clasped on his lap in a neutral pose. He wore a regulation black suit, shoulders cut regulation wide to conceal his regulation underarm holster. His black hair was slicked straight back, although from the pale roots hinted at above his brow, the detective suspected the man's natural hair color more closely matched his light brown eyes, demonstrating a rather non-regulation vanity. "Detective Black, meet Agent Captain."

The agent stood and presented his badge, ignoring Black's outstretched hand. "Special Agent Victor Captain, Paranormal Activities Section. I understand you were the detective in charge of this case before it became a Federal matter."

"I got word straight from the commissioner on this, Black," the captain explained, his eyes pleading forgiveness. "We're to give the Feds every cooperation we can, but it's their case now. I was going to get him in touch with a couple of the others in Paranatural...We didn't even know you were awake yet, Black!"

"It's quite alright, captain," the federal agent interrupted. "I've liaised with local police before, and like you said, we'll need every resource we can muster if we don't want last night to happen again." Victor turned to the detective. "Having you up and moving again should help considerably. Do you have a place where we can speak in private?"

"You can use my office; I'll go make the rounds," the police captain insisted, carefully closing the door behind him.

"So what happened while I was out?" Detective Black asked, reaching for his cigarettes before remembering mid-motion.

"Not much after the massacre last night. Once you and the other officers and civilians on the spot were either knocked out or killed, there was a bright flash of light along with a thunderclap, and then nothing. When reinforcements reached the location, the roller coaster was gone. No eyes were on the ground to see what happened, the chopper hadn't reached the park yet, and whatever happened shorted out the security cameras and even burned out the hard drives."

"Do you at least know where the hell this thing came from?"

Agent Captain nodded. "We call it the Park Beyond. Dead amusement rides are...reincarnated there, and although they remain there for the most part, there is some occasional traffic between our two dimensions. It's unknown what they come for."

"Murder sprees?"

"No. Never before. I've heard certain rides can get unruly when they're young, but they normally police themselves, and there's never been call for a government response until now."

"That might explain the carousel horse I saw...What's the media saying?"

"They're as reluctant as ever to cover the supernatural, but this is too big to keep quiet; even the internationals are listening in. Right now the AP's calling it a domestic terrorist armed with explosives and a pickax. The public wants us to get Rodney as badly as we do."

"I know I called in his last name before the attack. Anything come of it?"

"We found his place, but he wasn't there. Posters and books indicate a fascination with roller coasters, but nothing to say he knew what he really was."

"That matches what I felt off of him before the change," Black nodded thoughtfully. "Did you check on his girlfriend? Clare Miller?"

"Dispatcher didn't get a clear read. I'll make sure to post someone at her house and workplace immediately. By the way, do you mind if I ask how you got her name? Park security said you went nowhere near her."

Detective Black smiled. "Same reason I'm stuck in Paranatural. I'm a mild psychic: when I meet someone in person, I can get the name they call themselves, a few basic personality traits, who they consider close to them. I can even get some identifiers like tattoos and natural hair color." Black wryly noted how the federal agent unconsciously glanced up at his own hair when he brought it up. "It's not too useful in most professions, but it's drat helpful as a detective."

"Or a con artist," Captain retorted.

"Oh, I'll admit I had a few interesting years growing up. I like to think I sided with the good guys, though."

Before the two could continue, a desk officer knocked on the door and poked his head inside. "Detective Black, Agent. We just got a call from the impound lot. I thought you'd want to hear this. Line five."

Black moved around the desk and hit the blinking line button, then speakerphone. "This is Detective Black. Please repeat to me what you told Ted."

"Detective Black?! Um, t-this is Officer Buckley at the impound lot. The suspect from yesterday, Rodney Philips, just showed up. He's asking for his car back. I'm...not sure what to do."

The detective pressed the mute button. "How stupid is this guy?" he asked, turning to Captain. "We got all the cars from the bar incident in as crime scene evidence. We could get every cop in the city down there in a twinkling."

Victor shook his head. "We believe the Park Beyond residents can change form at any time. It'd be another massacre."

"Do they have any weaknesses?"

"None on record. It hasn't come up before."

Black frowned as though he'd eaten a rotten apple, but he unmuted the line. "I need you to listen to me very carefully, Officer Buckley. Pretend that you don't know who he is. Act normally. Let him have his car. We'll send someone from our end to tail him."

"Hold on," the speaker said. "He's, er...he's asked about you, sir."

The blood froze in the detective's veins, but Black didn't skip a beat. "Tell him I'm still at the hospital. Now get off the phone or he'll get suspicious." Hanging up, he looked up at his new partner. "Looks like this just got personal."

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