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  • Locked thread
Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

JosephWongKS posted:

Is water supposed to smell “sweet”? I… I just don’t know any more.

I wouldn't describe the smell of water as "sweet." Fresh water is more heavy and cool, like a fresh breeze on a humid day. Salt water carries more of a dry, dusty scent, the smell of salted sand baking in a noonday sun. Marshes, bogs, and swamps layer the freshwater smell with green decay, the smell of wet leaves and inviting flowers and rotting moss, the smell of life packed close together and competing for existence.

Nothing terribly "sweet," though.

quote:

Make up your mind. Is the river “glittering” or “murky”?


Where I come from, there are no “murky” crystals. Perhaps things are different in Miranda Leek’s part of the world.

Murky water can glitter. Glittering is more a function of wind than of clarity; the river in my city is a solid brown, but it can glitter like a barren field sown with the dust of a thousand diamonds same as any body of water. Crystals can be murky, too, although you don't usually refer to such when using "crystal" as an adjective.

Sorry about that. Nature always brings out the poet in me.

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JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I wouldn't describe the smell of water as "sweet." Fresh water is more heavy and cool, like a fresh breeze on a humid day. Salt water carries more of a dry, dusty scent, the smell of salted sand baking in a noonday sun. Marshes, bogs, and swamps layer the freshwater smell with green decay, the smell of wet leaves and inviting flowers and rotting moss, the smell of life packed close together and competing for existence.

Nothing terribly "sweet," though.


Murky water can glitter. Glittering is more a function of wind than of clarity; the river in my city is a solid brown, but it can glitter like a barren field sown with the dust of a thousand diamonds same as any body of water. Crystals can be murky, too, although you don't usually refer to such when using "crystal" as an adjective.

Sorry about that. Nature always brings out the poet in me.

Challenge to the writers and aspiring writers in this thread: Rewrite Bobbin Threadbare's metaphors the way Miranda Leek would have described them.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous

JosephWongKS posted:

Challenge to the writers and aspiring writers in this thread: Rewrite Bobbin Threadbare's metaphors the way Miranda Leek would have described them.

''Miranda Leek'' posted:

I wouldnt characterize the sent of water as "sweat." Fresh water is more cumbersome and frigid, like a fresh zephyr on a iriguous day. Sigh. Salt water bears more of a dry, dusty sent, the smell of blood baking in a miridian sun. Sigh. Marches bogs and swamps cover the freshwater sent with green rot, the smell of wet folioles and magnetic flowers and putrescent moss, the sent, of life packed close together and competing, for my affection.

"Nothing terribly "sweat" though, Railrunner sighed

~*~Chapter 849: The Sparklening~*~

Murky water can sparkle. Sparkling is more a function of fanfiction than of lucidity; the river in my city is a concrete brown, but it can sparkle like a impotent field sown with the dust of a thousand rollercoasters same as any carcass of water. Sigh. Crystals can be grubby, too, although you dont consistently referr to such when using "crystal" as a word Clare sighed silently, admiring Railrunners curves.

My imagination turned them into that of which they were made.

Decoy Badger
May 16, 2009

alcharagia posted:

Roy Orbison in clingfilm

You are the greatest.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


Iced Cocoa posted:

I think we should have made a list from the beginning of what movie/tv series/franchise Miranda is ripping off at any time. For instance, now it was Harry Potter, Railrunner even hisses the password to open the doors. Then there is Avatar: The Last Airbender and X-Men that I recall at the moment.

I'm sure it's unintentional, but when she said air candy I immediately thought of this:
http://atelier.wikia.com/wiki/Air_Drop

Miranda ripping off a Gust game simultaneously makes no sense and too much sense :psyduck:

Iced Cocoa posted:

I'm sure that the deal with the stuffed animals is that once they get thrown out or destroyed they become wild non-sentient animals in Amusement Park Between, perfect for food for the ravenous roller coasters.

Credit where it's due, that's actually sorta clever.

And why is Railrunner no longer allowed to curse? Why didn't Thunderbark know about the drat book? How are they going to get Static and Merrylegs out from this city? Why is having Ironwheel conquer the real world a bad thing for them?
Ugh. gently caress it. Bring in further plot powers. I just hope one of our assholecoasters meets their end soon.

Then it's love interest roller coaster time :suicide:
Wait.
Oversexualized love-interest...Crystals...Candy...Gust...
Oh god.
This is going to be Ar Tonelico with roller coasters :suicide:

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

SSNeoman posted:

Then it's love interest roller coaster time :suicide:
Wait.
Oversexualized love-interest...Crystals...Candy...Gust...
Oh god.
This is going to be Ar Tonelico with roller coasters :suicide:

For those who don't know what it is, could you say what it is that's making you sick?

Anyway, the list of "things that shouldn't appear in Twisted!" numbers 19, I was hoping for 20-25 before saying how many is coming up and how some are tangentially there and how many absolutely do not appear. Should I go for it now, wait for more items, or just scrap it altogether?

attackbunny
May 1, 2009
20) It turns out that the whole novel is thinly veiled anti-abortion propaganda. See, if Angeltrack had aborted her rape coaster baby-
21) Static comes out as gay.
22) Graphic sex scene.
23) Railrunner and his murder gang form a rock band.
24) Graphic rape scene.

hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous
25. Railrunner sacrifices his life to save Clare (haha, no he won't, but I'm sure she'll be happy to die for him)
26. Railrunner becomes pregnant with his own spawn; a la Twilight, it's half human, so the other rides try to destroy it
27. Railrunner finds out that he can drink the blood of innocents in order to manipulate the iron in his body and gain the power of flight
28. Clare dumps him and moves on with her life

e: renumbered

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Phummus posted:

1. Railrunner uses his iron-bending to create rails out of trace amounts of metal in the environment for himself to run on a-la Ice Man
2. The source of the amusement park rides' powers is revealed to be nanomachines.
3. Vampires
4. Railrunner fights with another amusement park ride, gets struck by lightning and is 'powered up' by it.
5. Coaster-rape

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

6. Detective Black rides into coaster world on a ferris wheel to save the day.
7. Rodney genuinely admits that killing police officers is wrong.
8. Ironbark Thunderbark neither dies, becomes too injured to finish the climactic fight, nor turns traitor by the end of the story.
9. The Last Starfighter swoops in and presses the turbo spinny button to wipe out everything present.
10. Ironwheel is revealed to literally be Darth Vader.

Dreggon posted:

11. Clare becomes Shadowtrack (Please christ loving no)
12. Detective Black returns (Please christ loving yes)
13. The Wizard of Yendor Rodney actually uses the powers he got in previous chapters to defeat Ironwheel
14. Ironwheel is actually just a giant wheel
15. Rodney dies

Kjoery posted:

16. Railrunner loses. As ironwheel begins his assault on mankind, a new era of global war and turmoil begins. Country after country falls to his mary-sue-like power, until none remain to oppose him. None, that is, except a small band of rebels, led by a certain detective...
17. It turns out the true villain isn't Ironwheel after all. The historians of the Carnival had always wondered: ages ago, their society lived without the technology they take for granted today. No anti-grav (drink) coasters. Then, one day, according to the texts, all the coasters just... Appeared. And no one questioned it; who would, they seemed harmless enough. Little did they know...
18. Railrunner falls in love with a ride that isn't the same species as he.
19. Everything after the jail cell is all a delusion in Railrunner's mind; after getting netted by Detective black, he gradually began to lose energy. Without any rides or carnivals to recharge with, he became helpless and weak in his cell; his sanity slowly slipping away from him. None of the police offers know how to help, nor do they dare; Railrunners insane ramblings often made mention of slaughter and bloodshed. Once, he stared at detective Black, holding out a "hand", and suddenly broke into laughter, screaming "I did it, Thunderbark! I did it!" Right before his death, Railrunner regains a fragment of his sanity, and comes to realize this terrible reality...

GrizzlyCow posted:

20. Detective Black becomes Shadowtrack
21. Mr. Calloway returns

attackbunny posted:

22. It turns out that the whole novel is thinly veiled anti-abortion propaganda. See, if Angeltrack had aborted her rape coaster baby-
23. Static comes out as gay.
24. Graphic sex scene.
25. Railrunner and his murder gang form a rock band.
26. Graphic rape scene.

hyperhazard posted:

27. Railrunner sacrifices his life to save Clare (haha, no he won't, but I'm sure she'll be happy to die for him)
28. Railrunner becomes pregnant with his own spawn; a la Twilight, it's half human, so the other rides try to destroy it
29. Railrunner finds out that he can drink the blood of innocents in order to manipulate the iron in his body and gain the power of flight
30. Clare dumps him and moves on with her life

Well then, as unsightly it is to put it like this. Also, there were two items that I missed before. But 30 is a nice number.

The number of things that won't come up: Nineteen
Number of things that will sort of come up: Seven
Number of things that will come up: Three
And one odd out because it is kind of plausible but I can't remember if it happens nor do I want to look it up.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

Iced Cocoa posted:

For those who don't know what it is, could you say what it is that's making you sick?

Ar tonelico is a JRPG series about ladies who sing to do magic. It is objectifying on a whole lot of levels (especially the third one (they strip during combat to power up (god ar tonelico 3 is awful))) a lot of the time. Psychotherapy also plays a significant role.

It's also sort of the Donkey Kong Country of weird anime JRPGs in that the second one is the only actually good one and the third game is a monstrosity on every single level, but even Ar Tonelico 3 is a masterwork compared to this stupid book. Their protagonists are about as likable though.

Edit: The "crystals" in question refer to a scene in the first game in which the hero must insert a "Diquility crystal" in one of his potential girlfriends' "port" in order to make her not die from being magic. The game makes no effort to hide exactly how thinly veiled the innuendo is. The scene kinda returns in the second game, but there it's way better because the hero of the second game takes the opportunity to :iceburn: the everloving hell out of his ex.

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 23:39 on May 5, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 24 - Training Train

quote:


I woke up the next morning under the satin sheets of the iron bed, mainly because Merrylegs’s smooth nose brushed against my shoulder. I gave in and raised my head to look into her face.


Where were Thunderbark, Static and Merrylegs sleeping? Did Railrunner simply disregard their welfare once his own amenities were secured? This is truly one group of callous, amoral sociopaths who deserve each other’s company.


quote:


“Why did you wake me?” I grumbled as I yawned.

“Do you remember your session with Thunderbark this morning?”

I sighed and sat up.


I counted, and this is the 32nd sigh of the book so far. More than 1 sigh per chapter on average.


quote:


I asked her if I could sleep in more. Merrylegs then shook her head in denial.

“No, Thunderbark wants you in the courtyard. You better be glad that I woke you up and not Static.” She finished turning to him. Static smirked and chuckled, his tail shot off small sparks.

“Trust me Merrylegs, If Static woke me up, he would find himself in deep trouble and off the map.” I said eyeing him tauntingly. He winced in response.


What could be viewed as playful banter by other characters in other books takes on serious undertones when the speaker has shown himself capable of, and eager, for indiscriminate and deadly violence. Again underlining just how unlikable and despicable a protagonist Railrunner is.


quote:


I climbed out from under the covers and followed them both out of the room. My eyelids were heavy from little sleep.


I’m surprised Miranda Leek didn’t give him the power to go for seven or more days without sleep.


quote:


Lately there had been too much on my mind. Where was Freakshow, Ironwheel, but most of all Clare. I worried about her safety and what was happening to her. I wondered what she thought about me now, I found myself missing her more and more.

Minutes later, we exited the temple rooms and into the courtyard. My eyes adjusted to the change in light quickly. I soon spotted Thunderbark leaning casually against one of the roller coaster statues.


What happened to “It was dark and I couldn’t see but three feet in front of my nose” in the last chapter? So Railrunner is capable of seeing well in both well-lit and poorly-lit lighting conditions after all?


quote:


“Morning metal head.” He said cheerfully.

“Morning,” I moaned.

“Don’t worry today we are just going to go over some basics.”

“Fine,” I replied sitting in the soft lush grass. I stared at him waiting for him to start his “lesson”.

“I think I am going to initiate on lightning, you should know it already. Now if you will, stand up in front of me.”


Fans of Avatar: The Last Airbender should skip this next section, lest it enrage you into a state of apoplexy.


quote:


I did what he ordered, I prepared myself, my muscles tightening.

“Ok, Railrunner see if you can redirect this.” He said waving his arms, lightning generated on the tips of his wheels. Then he shot the lightning toward me.

I felt a surge of power run through my body, I held out my arms. My brutal instinct overpowered me, I redirected the lightning in a bigger amount toward Thunderbark. At the last possible second he ducked, the lightning narrowly missing him by inches, only to obliterate the rock behind him.

“You are stronger than before,” he said getting up sighing in relief.


33rd sigh of the book.


quote:


“Now I will have you generate lightning on your own, see if you can hit those gold idols I placed on that wall over there.” He said smiling like a kid who had just been given candy.

I stared at them and concentrated, I then took a deep breath and began to produce lightning. It seemed to dance wildly among my wheels, then I aimed and extended my arm towards the miniature statues. It sliced through the air and hit all the idols at once, damaging nothing else in its path.

“Very impressive.” Thunderbark commented. “Now let’s continue.”

For the next two hours I worked on lessons with lightning, mastering each skill as I went through. Thunderbark said I was unnatural at this, that I was gifted.


Miranda Leek’s idea of a training arc – Mastering everything at the first try with no struggle or effort required.


quote:


“Now, I think I will teach you fire.”

“All right, how do I do that?”

“Bending fire is a lot harder than lightning, mostly because fire is powered from the heart and barely the mind. Do you see where I’m coming from, Railrunner?”

“I - think so.” I responded as I still tried to comprehend what he had said.

“Well, I’ll just go through it step by step. First take a deep breath and concentrate your breathing like you do lightning. Then think of something that puts a spark in your heart. That should be easy for you, Railrunner.” He smiled.

He meant Clare, I realized.


Why is Thunderbark so approving of human-roller coaster relationships now? What happened to ““Railrunner, stay away from civilization at night. Wear gloves and long sleeves when you work on the coasters. And forget about love” in Chapter 7?


quote:


“Then while you exhale, act as if you are punching something. Watch closely.” Thunderbark finished repeating the process of what he just spoke of. As he threw his wheels forward, a large fireball shot forth like a missile. It hit one rock, smoldering it.

“Cool, now can I try?” I said as I watched the flames lick the air.

“You certainly may.” He replied moving to the side.

I breathed in air, I thought of Clare and her comforting words, her soft skin and gentle touch of her hands. Then I breathed out and punched in fury, a massive inferno torched everything in its path.


I find it rather disturbing that such a direct association between love / affection and extreme violence is being made in this book, in view of the domestic abuse subtext present in the earlier scenes between Railrunner and Clare.


quote:


I sighed in a long satisfied whoosh.


34th sigh of the book.


quote:


“Well done!” Thunderbark congratulated me. “Now we must play with fire more.”

The next technique was fairly simple and easy to master. Thunderbark taught me how to manipulate fire so that it could move around like a flaming strand in the air like a deadly streamer. He told me that the particular skill was best as a whip. Next, he taught me what he demonstrated last night with the lantern, how to bend small amounts of fire. The technique was used for my own pleasures rather than in battle, but it could still come in handy at times of combat.


I am reminded that last chapter, “A small flame aroused [sic] from his fist” and I am reluctant to contemplate the nature of the “pleasures” referred to here. :gonk:


quote:


“You are very good at this, Railrunner. You are easy to teach.” Thunderbark said with his icy eyes sparkling in anticipation.

“Thank you.”

The white roller coaster then nodded in response. “Now I’m going to teach you something that might be slightly harder to do. It’s called Fire Fury.”

“What a cheesy name.” I smeared. [sic]


I really, really, really hate Railrunner. He has no redeeming factors whatsoever.


quote:


“Very funny,” he said with his voice very low. “The Fire Fury is a release of all your anger, all your frustration. All of that is released in an explosion, a searing inferno. I will not teach it here, because it will destroy the temple.”

“So now what?”

He suddenly shifted, changed his mood. “Well, I think I had better teach the Fire Fury to you when it is safer to exit the temple.”

I sighed slightly aggravated. “If you think it is best, Thunderbark.”


35th sigh of the book.

Also, Railrunner is apparently willing to destroy the temple in order to learn the skill a few moments earlier than he otherwise would have. He truly is one of the most irresponsible, contemptible protagonist in any work of fiction ever.


quote:


“It is. I’m going to teach one more thing to you before we end our session.”

“Fine.” I said disappointed that we were not done. It was past noon and I had never gotten a nibble.


First Railrunner was aggravated about not learning the “Fire Fury” immediately, and now he’s disappointed that there was more training to be done.


quote:


“This exercise is like what we did with lightning, only that I want you to hit the rocks separately and not all at once. Think of it like this, when you are preparing to attack an enemy an alliance could be near them. Kill the evil and not the good.”


As though Railrunner and anyone in his gang had ever been concerned about collateral damage. If it’s a matter of “Kill the evil”, they should start with themselves.


quote:


“I see your point,” I replied, not really knowing how to respond.

I repeated my process I did before, thinking of Clare. How I missed her, Clare’s absence was making me more miserable by the hours that ticked by. I held out my arm and aimed, hitting the rock alone. I smiled in confidence.

I hit three more perfectly, and then I went for the final two. I messed up by hitting the rock I had my sights on and smoldering the one next to it.

“Do over.” Thunderbark demanded.

I growled rudely, my stomach was getting the better of me. I found five more rocks, this time I did it with no mistakes.

“Good work, Railrunner. Now we can call it quits for the day, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give you homework.”

“What! I’m not in elementary school Thunderbark.” I said bluntly, making Thunderbark raise an eyebrow in defiance.

“Yes, you heard me. I simply want you to work on your bending. Also it is wise to be practicing with metal, as you know I cannot teach you that.”

“ I will,” I gave in. Then we went off to do whatever we pleased in the temple. Today’s lessons were exciting, but most of all they were depressing.

Bending fire required me to think of Clare. It sickened me deeply. I ventured to a peaceful spot; the great pool with the giant waterfall. I lay at the waters edge munching on a recent catch. Merrylegs unexpectedly walked up beside me.


If Merrylegs starts falling in love with Railrunner, I’m going to scream.


quote:


“Hi Railrunner.”

“Hello,” I muttered, still looking into the blue water. There was an awkward silence between us for several brief moments. Then Merrylegs spoke up again.

“You miss her don’t you?”

I looked at Merrylegs; her eyes were full of worry.

“How can you tell?”

“Well, it is kind of noticeable.” She said slightly embarrassed.

“I do miss her a lot.” Then I thought of a strange reference, but it could possibly help Merrylegs understand more. “Do you know the story of Romeo and Juliet?”

“Yes. I read it during our time in the real world.”

“Well, at the very beginning, in the prologue William Shakeshere [sic] calls the story “the tale of the star- crossed lovers”. I and Clare’s love is very similar, forbidden by forces that neither of us can deny.”


It’s spelled “Shakespeare”! “Shakespeare”!

I mean

How do you even

AARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!! :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh:



And to have the cheek, the nerve, of comparing Twisted to Shakespeare. There are not enough words in the universe to describe the white-hot fury I feel for this book at this moment.


quote:


She simply nodded. “You’ll see her again.” She encouraged.

“I hope so, and if it is possible.”


No one deserves someone as loathsome as Railrunner, not even Clare.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 10:10 on May 6, 2013

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


It's about as understandable as Shakespeare, albeit for an entirely different reason

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?
How can this be consistently so terrible?
It has to run out of steam sometime, right?

Right?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

horriblePencilist posted:

How can this be consistently so terrible?
It has to run out of steam sometime, right?

Right?

This is kind of the problem I encountered when I read Twisted. The free preview on Amazon still hints at the promise that it will be a beautiful trainwreck all the way through. But then, after getting past a certain upcoming point in the story, the whole thing kind of stalled. I can't really put it in better words. Of course there were new powers and new stupid twists and references and whatnot, but it didn't have the charm of the previous chapters. I think it was the realization that even for Railrunner's continuous gains of new powers and resources, things were still the same. It was no longer wondering just what powers will come up to solve the situation he was in, it was just reading the book for the sake of saying "I read this thing, it's as bad as you think it is."

One thing about me, if I manage to read the first ten chapters of a book, by god I will finish reading it no matter how terrible it turned out.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Kids these days have no respect.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?
Is anyone gonna get the second edition of Twisted? I'd like to know what the differences are, but I have a hunch it's just mostly going to be new drawings.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

horriblePencilist posted:

Is anyone gonna get the second edition of Twisted? I'd like to know what the differences are, but I have a hunch it's just mostly going to be new drawings.

I... I might be :cripes: I want to see just what she felt that was not up to par in the book and just what was worth keeping. If she is still going to make it super powerful or if she's going to get rid of the rape subtext (there is more to be had, much more) Though it depends on if Amazon will be willing to ship the second edition instead of trying to get rid of the first one. I might not be able to get it anywhere else but through that.

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 16:10 on May 6, 2013

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Dreggon posted:

It's about as understandable as Shakespeare, albeit for an entirely different reason

I wouldn't say that. Once you read enough Shakespeare, it becomes easier and starts making sense. There isn't enough Twisted in the world to manage that.

JosephWongKS posted:

35th sigh of the book.

You really ought to let these sighs go for your own sanity, man.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

JosephWongKS posted:

List of Railrunner’s powers

Chapter 4
1. Remotely shatter glass
2. Possesses claws that are 15-inch long and perfectly sharp

Chapter 5
3. Ability to run “faster than a car at top speed”
4. Can “hear anything and everything”
5. Heightened stealth

Chapter 7
6. Bend lightning
7. Bend fire
8. Super strength
9. Super agility
10. Predict when things will happen, except death
11. Sense trouble
12. Never get sick
13. Venomous
14. Sight of a dragon
15. Gain power from amusement parks and carnivals
16. Control the speed of rides and how long they last

Chapter 10
17. Healing factor

Chapter 11
18. Immunity to bullets

Chapter 12
19. Can change at will if wearing the Augu Ra
20. Can move between the worlds when wearing the Augu Ra

Chapter 13
21. Can fire concussion beams

Chapter 14
22. Bend metal

Chapter 15
23. Bend blood
24. See in the dark
25. Heightened sense of smell

Chapter 16
26. Shrink at will to fit into confined spaces
27. Control gravity so that they can "descend up"
28. Breathe “icy mist” that reveals infra-red sensors
29. Walk on walls and ceilings
30. Fall and land quietly on his wheels

Chapter 18
31. Become “engrossed” by the sight of violence
32. Disintegrate people with his McGuffin

Chapter 19
33. Nictitating membranes over his eyes
34. Can hold his breath for more than thirty minutes
35. Bend water

Chapter 20
36. Fire "continuous concussion beams" in Amusement Park Between

Chapter 24
37. Can redirect and amplify lightning instinctively
38. Can aim lightning with high precision
39. Stupidly fast learner (way better than Zuko)

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I wouldn't say that. Once you read enough Shakespeare, it becomes easier and starts making sense. There isn't enough Twisted in the world to manage that.

It really helps if you read Shakespeare with a handy "ye olde english" to "Modern Day English" footnotes/sidebars.

Ironically I love Romeo and Juliet, probably because so much of the story is not about Romeo and Juliet. It's about all the other characters which is what Shakespeare excels at. Shakespeare, if I may, wasn't very good with writing a good plot and he was terrible at foreshadowing. But he was an absolute master at making realistic settings and engaging characters.

And of course Miranda's characters are "star-crossed lovers". Of course.

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 20:43 on May 6, 2013

attackbunny
May 1, 2009
'Star-crossed lovers' implies that the relationship is destroyed by matters outside of the lovers' control. Two women in Saudi Arabia, doomed by religious fundamentalism. Jack and Rose on the Titanic, doomed by iceberg. Iztaccihuatl and Popocotepetl, doomed by a lying rear end in a top hat dad. Clare and Railrunner? Doomed by Railrunner's relentless slaughtering of innocent people.

I'm pretty sure Miranda Leek doesn't even know what the gently caress anymore. Like, she churned out the whole manuscript in one drunk night and she has no idea what happened in the previous chapters. She's simultaneously falling off a cliff and developing amnesia to the extent that she can't remember what the upper portions of the cliff face looked like as she plummeted past them.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 25 - Hidden Secrets

quote:


About two weeks passed since my first training session with Thunderbark. We had lessons everyday [sic] since then on bending. I improved greatly as I learned more, knowing almost everything and every trick.

But during that time my longing for Clare grew greater, I found myself even dreaming of her almost every night. It now seemed there was an empty hole in my heart.


What’s the point of having the training arc if Railrunner just masters everything effortlessly and there’s neither the urgency of an impending deadline or the threat of discovery by hostile forces?

And no, Railrunner’s heartache arising out of his “star-crossed romance” doesn’t count.


quote:


This morning and, some of the night before, I was working on something that I had wanted to do to the place ever since we stepped into it. It would be for the greater good I had decided; it was my own project and I was almost finished with it. At the minute I hung upside down from a raft on the ceiling fiddling with wires.


Where did he get wires from, and why is there a “raft” on the ceiling?


quote:


Then I heard Thunderbark approaching, yawning a sleepy yawn.


As if “yawning a yawn” was sufficiently redundant, Miranda Leek doubles up on the redundancy by adding in a “sleepy” to the mix.


quote:


“What are you doing, Railrunner? It is four o’ clock in the morning.” Thunderbark moaned.

“I’m updating. In other words, modernizing the temple.” I said finishing up and hopping down.

“What did you do?” he asked looking at me, his eyes placid.

“I’ll show you,” I said walking over and flicking a giant switch. One by one rows of lights switched on, brightening the entire temple.


Where did he get the power supply from?


quote:


“You added electricity!” he said excitedly, perking up as the light lit up the dark halls.


How “advanced” can their technology be if Thunderbark is so excited by electric lights?


quote:


“Of course,” I said but then I noticed a hidden door that I had not seen earlier.

“I’m going back to sleep, I’ll give you a two hour delay for rest, since it looks as if you have stayed up all night.” Thunderbark finished as he headed into his bedroom.

“Thanks Thunderbark,” I spoke as I pretended to head to my room. I waited till he was out of sight before I proceeded to the hidden door.


So much for trust among comrades – Railrunner can’t even bring himself to inform Thunderbark of a hidden door.


quote:



It was at the very end of a dark corridor and it barely looked like a door at all, in fact it looked like a wall only with writing on it. I whispered the words: “Killomarg reza yern diz xiloikr.”

The door didn’t open as well as the others; I had to pry it open. It was a dark and narrow hallway; I generated a small flame on my wheels. Then I went inside, following the cobweb-ridden walls. The halls opened up into a large gloomy room.


Cobwebs implies spiders. Why are there spiders in magic roller-coaster land? Do American amusement parks give away stuffed spiders as prizes?


quote:


I continued to control my flame, it feeling like a little heartbeat. As I examined the room, I noticed that it wasn’t gold like the rest of the temple. It was marble and stone, it looked a lot older than the rest of the temple.


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has exactly the same building materials as “the real world”.


quote:


I glanced around some more; there were nine coaster statues, four on one side and five on the other. They were made of solid marble; I walked up to one to examine it. I now saw that each one was different, probably sculpted to be each red that there was. Turned out I was right, a nameplate was placed at the bottom of each statue. The one I was looking at now was Moonblood.

“So this is you.” I said, my voice bouncing off the walls like an echo in a cavern. I looked at it up and down again. I realized he was pointing at something, they were all pointing. I followed their wheels; they went in the same direction. The stone roller coasters were pointing at another door.

“Wonder what else this place has to hide.” I chuckled to myself. I motioned for the door; it was by far the shabbiest; it being made out of rusted steel. I didn’t have to speak my language to open it, but as I did I
made a shocking discovery.

It was a large room, probably thirty gymnasiums put together. It housed the wildest looking roller coaster track I had ever seen.


Who actually measures the size of a room by the number of “gymnasiums” they can hold? Are US gymnasiums of such uniformity in size that a reader can be expected to visualize how large is a room of “thirty gymnasiums put together”?


quote:


“Shhiii...” I said staring at it, my words disappearing in my throat. I was so transfixed on the rails that my flame fizzled out in a quiet puff.

The track was smooth silver, its rails looking like a spaghetti bowl. It rose high off the ground of the enormous room, four hundred feet was the highest point. Below the track was the temple floor, littered with the most impressive statues of the entire temple. Pools of glowing water stationed themselves in patterns. My eyes darted back to the track again, like a vampire to blood, I couldn’t resist. I instinctively lunged for the rails.

Power ripped through my body like a sudden surge of lightning. My mind raged in fury, images flashed in my head as my wheels screamed along the rails. I found myself roaring and laughing horrendously in amusement.

Up and down, around and around I went. Reaching preposterous speeds, which were far past illegal in the real world. My spirits rose as I moved, myself was growing more powerful by the minute.

I continued to get my fix, fix of power and adrenaline. I went trough [sic] inversions that would otherwise be impossible in the real world. When I came across dangerous curves, I leaped and rebounded off of statues and back onto the tracks. I laughed in pleasure. It felt so good to run the rails again.


I know we are supposed to share Railrunner’s delight in being a roller-coaster, but he has been so consistently despicable in this book that every moment of joy he experiences makes me hate him even more. I hope the “addiction” to roller-coaster tracks causes him to get destroyed by Ironwheel due to withdrawal syndromes.


quote:


Then moving along a tight bend, I noticed another secret door on the ground below. I sighed; the rails would have to wait a little bit.


36th sigh of the book.


quote:


I dropped down onto the stone floor, I glanced for witnesses but there were none in sight.


The only “witnesses” would be Thunderbark, Static and Merrylegs, who are nominally his comrades. I hope Railrunner’s apparent distrust of them is reciprocated and that they are actually plotting to backstab him and steal his power for themselves.


quote:



I made my way to the door, it gently creaked open to yet again a dark room. I lit a small flame and quietly ventured inside.

“Hmm - a weapons vault. Why is there a need for this?” I said questioning myself. On the shelves that lined the wall were what looked like rusty guns. Funny that these were here because it seemed that roller coasters were already well equipped. I cautiously picked one up, and examined the old gun that was falling apart. I tossed it aside not giving a care. From my engineering experience, I could tell that these guns were completely useless, none of them would ever work again.

“What was the point of even -.” I began with my voice trailing off again. At the far end of the room on a stand was a sword. And it didn’t look anything like the ones used in the Middle Ages either. Its blade curved in several spots making it have various different points. I touched my hand on the golden handle, and raised it up off its pedestal. It gleamed brightly in the soft glow of the firelight. It was amazingly beautiful, but yet so deadly.

“I wonder why this was hidden in this dark and vague place. Hidden away from the rest of the temple.” I spoke softly. Then I decided to take it back to my room to keep it there. I could research on it easier in the cozy environment. I took an old sash from the dust-covered floor and wrapped it around the weapon. I tied it with some stray string that I also found in the vault. Finally I tucked it away under one of my seats. It was too late to run on the rails anymore, plus Thunderbark would be looking for me soon.


How wonderful, that Railrunner should get yet another unearned McGuffin of power. I suppose by the end of the book, Railrunner will have a magic item for each equipment slot. Perhaps Railrunner is Miranda Leek’s D&D character?


quote:


Back in my room, I shoved the sword under my bed to join the book.


I hope Railrunner gets stabbed by the sword in the back when he sleeps on the bed at night.


quote:


Then I climbed back into it and slipped under my covers. I felt my eyelids grow heavy, then they fell over my eyes as I went to sleep.

A high- pitched wail seared the air. Clare ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She struggled for her vital breath, gasping uncontrollably. I ran after her. My wheels thundering across the blood stained earth. She stopped in the darkness staring straight ahead. I screamed her name as she vanished. From behind me, dagger like teeth closed in...

I awoke sweating terribly. I breathed in and out rapidly. Thunderbark was at my bedside looking at me in worry.

“What happened?” he said putting a set of wheels onto my shoulder. It took me a minute to calm down before I finally decided to speak about my dream.

“I had a nightmare about Clare.” I said still huffing and puffing.

“Tell me, Railrunner.” He said sternly.

“Well, there was lots of blood, her scream was horrifying. I ran after her, but I could not catch her. Something happened - she vanished and something came after me.”


Dude, she’s running and screaming because you (who, let us not forget, tried to kill her) are chasing her.


quote:


He let out a long deep sigh.


37th sigh of the book.


quote:


The white coaster looked at my face again, his eyes full of sorrow. “I think your dream means something.” He said finally.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I can’t clarify that. However, it could still very well just be a nightmare.”


“Your dream means something, but it could very well mean nothing.” :downs:


quote:


“Hope your right.” I replied climbing out of bed.

“Well come along, Railrunner. I have something that we must work on.”

“Coming,” I said following him out of the room. I was missing Clare more than ever now. It was- unbearable.


You are unbearable, you sociopathic murderous Mary Sue monster.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Wasn't there a drawing of Moonblood with this chapter? I can't be bothered to dig it up. I recall it because Moonblood has the exact same tattoos as Railrunner.

But anyway, I decided to spend time looking for a picture of the sword. Took me a while since there was only one illustration of it and I couldn't remember which one.



This does not look like a practical sword at all.

Fun fact: This thing is titled "Forbidden Love" on DA.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
That's no a fun fact at all Iced Cocoa. :gonk:

Is it weird that it's all of the basic spelling and grammar mistakes that bother me the most about Twisted? It's just, she put this up for sale, and she didn't even have someone proof read it? Or even run it through a word processor's spellchecker?


JosephWongKS posted:


Who actually measures the size of a room by the number of “gymnasiums” they can hold? Are US gymnasiums of such uniformity in size that a reader can be expected to visualize how large is a room of “thirty gymnasiums put together”?

She's probably imagining a building for a high school regulation basketball court, which I think a lot of public high schools in the United States refer to as a gymnasium. I have no idea why you'd use that as a standard of measurement though.

paragon1 fucked around with this message at 09:52 on May 7, 2013

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


quote:

I motioned for the door; it was by far the shabbiest; it being made out of rusted steel. I didn’t have to speak my language to open it, but as I did I
made a shocking discovery.

You didn't have to but you did anyway...?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

paragon1 posted:

She's probably imagining a building for a high school regulation basketball court, which I think a lot of public high schools in the United States refer to as a gymnasium. I have no idea why you'd use that as a standard of measurement though.

I think the size of gymnasium is an acceptable standard of measurement when you're still a kid/teenager. A gymnasium is one of the bigger and the consistent things you're going to see. It's nearly double the size of a standard international soccer field which I have to say is kind of impressive.

This is not the only time where Miranda will use unconventional measurements to show the sheer size of something.

And when I was looking for a picture of the sword, there was on other thing I ran into that I didn't think about until now. That particular illustration was drawn in 2007 according to the description on DA. It's a scene from the book Vertigo. I think I already said that she was about 14 years old when she had the idea of living roller coasters, but I can't confirm that. But this drawing along with the date establishes she had a rough idea of what would happen in the sequel when she was fifteen years old.

Illustrations which appear in the book, such as the one of Freakshow the pirate, Railrunner in prison and Thunderbark at the carnival were also drawn in 2007.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?
That's one of Miranda's problems, she prides herself so much on being original that she fails to feel the need for improvement and humility. She thinks she has already hit her peak, and that it doesn't get any better than this. My guess is that Twisted is a Katamari of poo poo, starting out very small at the age of 14, only to pick up more and more awful ideas and inspirations from superior stories without ever cutting anything for the sake of decency so eventually it grows into this cobbled mess of a book.

Decoy Badger
May 16, 2009

paragon1 posted:

Is it weird that it's all of the basic spelling and grammar mistakes that bother me the most about Twisted? It's just, she put this up for sale, and she didn't even have someone proof read it? Or even run it through a word processor's spellchecker?

The worst part for me is the godawful illustrations. The perspective is so poorly and schizophrenically done that it seems like she was having a go at portraying Lovecraft's non-Euclidian architecture.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

The FBI van parked across from Clare's home was painted with the same logo as the city's public utility company so as to appear as inconspicuous as possible. The agents inside were consummate professionals; you had to have the patience of a saint to draw stakeout duty, and everyone was focused fully on their jobs after the disaster at Mystic Park.

However, not more than a few minutes after setting up their equipment, the agents were startled by a broadcast on the encrypted police channel: "Agents Paterson and Mendez, be aware that Rodney Philips is moving to your position." After acknowledging the message, the two federal agents hurriedly split their time between calibrating their equipment and setting everything to record. Just as Mendez was bringing the infrared camera online, a black Mustang GT turned into the target's driveway and the prime suspect of the current investigation stepped out. "Suspect is in sight," Paterson dutifully informed the radio.

As Mendez watched the feeds, the powder blue compact that was following the suspect's car slowed slightly as it passed the van so the plainclothes officer behind the wheel could give it a significant look, all but shouting, "Don't gently caress this one up." The agent couldn't help but nod slightly, even though she knew the cop could never see her.

"Your orders at this time are still to observe, record, and report," Special Agent Captain's voice crackled over the scanner. "You are not cleared to move in regardless of what happens."

"Understood," Paterson responded before moving over to the listening equipment. Seeing that Rodney had reached the front door, he toggled on the audio feed.

"--Are? It's me, Rodney. I want to talk to you. Come on, Clare, I know you're home. Could you please answer?" After a moderate wait and several more knocks, the door finally opened and Clare let her boyfriend inside. Mendez switched the large monitors to the cameras zoomed in on the main window and front door's side windows while silently thanking the mild weather for convincing Clare to leave her windows open.

As Rodney bent down to untie his shoes, Mendez noted a suspicious glint near Clare's midsection. When the suspect straightened, she noticed him stagger back, looking puzzled at his own torso before dropping to the ground. "I think she just stabbed him," Mendez said, hardly believing her eyes.

"Good," Paterson muttered, moving back to the radio. "Agent Paterson reporting. We believe Clare Miller has just stabbed Rodney Philips. Repeat, Clare has stabbed Rodney. Permission to intervene?"

After a long pause, Agent Captain responded: "Negative. Negative. Continue observation."

"Jim, Jim! He's getting up!" Mendez called from the monitors. Dropping the receiver, Paterson hurried over and watched in shock as Rodney pulled the knife from his chest and stood back up, acting nothing like how a man with a life-threatening injury should.

"I'm--I'm so sorry," the agents heard Clare apologize through the open window.

"That's alright, I've been through worse," Rodney replied.

"Like...like last night?"

"Yeah, like last night. Listen, I've come to explain myself, to explain what happened to me. So unless you have any more knives you'd like to try?"

The agents couldn't see Clare's response, but the two moved into the living room and sat across from each other, both clearly visible to the van parked across the street. Both agents gasped as Rodney stepped into view, a massive blood stain sticking most of the front of his shirt to his skin. Mendez couldn't help but notice that Clare's eyes never strayed from Rodney's missing wound as he began his explanation. "I'm not human, Clare. I never was. I was born in another world, the Park Beyond, as a roller coaster train. All amusement rides are living creatures there."

"The horse said something like that..." Clare said, still paying only half attention.

"Her name is Merrylegs, Clare, and she's a carousel horse. She's part of a group who found me when I came to Mystic Park for the first time. Rides can all take human form when they have to, but I've been stuck in mine until a few days ago when they activated me. My real name is Railrunner. I've been a roller coaster train this whole time, Clare! It's--it's who I was always meant to be!"

"Then why did you try to kill me?" Clare asked, her eyes snapping up to meet his. "If that man hadn't jumped in the way..."

"I didn't mean to," Rodney apologized, reaching out to take Clare's hand in his. "I--Thunderbark told me that I wouldn't have control over myself at first, but it'll get better soon, I promise. I'll be myself forever then!"

"But who will you be? Rodney? Or Railrunner?"

"I was always Railrunner, Clare. I just hadn't known it yet."

Clare stood up. "Well, I never fell in love with 'Railrunner.' 'Railrunner' murdered five people last night, and would have murdered six if that man and your 'friend' Merrylegs hadn't gotten in your way. I think 'Railrunner' should get out of my house. Right now." Rodney sputtered and pleaded, but Clare refused to move beyond pointing at the door. Finally, Rodney gave up, gathered his shoes without putting them on, and slammed the front door behind him. Mendez couldn't help but smile and had to work to resist the urge to clap.

"Why me?!" Rodney shouted at the sky. Inside, Clare sat back down and began to weep.

"What a loving dork," Paterson muttered as he watched Rodney pull away. Professionalism could only extend so far.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


Bobbin continues to improve the story by leaps and bounds. I love how the characters react to Rodney scream the same way the audience does.
Make sure that you label your characters as "OC DO NOT STEAL"

As for the sword, *sigh* (GODDAMNIT MIRANDA!:argh:) I mean of course it's a loving sword. It makes no sense, but of course it's a sword. Heroes use swords after all. Nevermind that the coasters come equipped with razor sharp claws. This is clearly a speshul sword that he will carry in his awsum trenchcoat.

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 21:21 on May 7, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Bobbin, thanks for making the story of Twisted tolerable and actually fun to read.

Well, I was wrong about that "14 years old" thing. Perhaps once calculated her age wrong with some of the conflicting info about when she began to write.

http://railrunnermiranda.deviantart.com/art/Angeltrack-Anatomy-Study-2-260329189

quote:

It all started back in 2008 when I was writing my novel Twisted (its now published) As you know by reading that or by looking through my gallery, that the Rides in Amusement Park Between are created by being put into storage or destroyed in the real world only to life their "afterlife" in Between as living versions. The main character, Railrunner is a red roller coaster, the only ride that is created differently. Of course, I had to figure out how differently. It had to be special.

Unsure, I did some research and found out something. During the off season at any amusement park (this is reality, not my story) all the rides are taken apart and rebuilt before spring. For roller coasters, one of the procedures is NDT ( Non Destructive Testing) What is it? Well, they actually do ultrasounds on coaster cars to look for cracks or other deformities inside the frame that a regular engineer cannot detect just by looking at it. So... a funny little thought crossed my mind. Ultrasounds... usually associated with pregnancy. It was an outlandish idea to have Railrunner being the only ride that's literally born - but it worked and I was able to make other plays from it. It was brilliant... but mostly funny. In the story, Railrunner even thinks its absurd which leads to comic relief.

Also, third novel confirmed:

http://railrunnermiranda.deviantart.com/art/Q-and-A-s-370258518

quote:

Q:Is there going to be another book on Twisted? (asked by biocoal)
A: Yes. A new version of Twisted will be released this summer. The sequel, Vertigo, the release is unknown. A third is in the works...

And Joseph, stop killing yourself over those sighs. I'm going to spoil it for everyone now.

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 21:48 on May 7, 2013

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."

horriblePencilist posted:

That's one of Miranda's problems, she prides herself so much on being original that she fails to feel the need for improvement and humility. She thinks she has already hit her peak, and that it doesn't get any better than this. My guess is that Twisted is a Katamari of poo poo, starting out very small at the age of 14, only to pick up more and more awful ideas and inspirations from superior stories without ever cutting anything for the sake of decency so eventually it grows into this cobbled mess of a book.

This aspect of Twisted kind of reminds me of the Eragon series (also written by a teenager, also basically a messy amalgamation of everything that teenager thought was cool - as a teenager...) except the kid who wrote that at least had the sense to let his mom read it first.

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.
College Slice

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

Further greatness.

As always, thanks for these. In particular, I must thank you for diverging from the source material where appropriate; it gives the book new li--hahaha. No, really, what you did is the best way to trash this trash story, and replace it with a far better version. Feeling vaguely inspired again, I might put together another in-story side character short story in a bit.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:


And Joseph, stop killing yourself over those sighs. I'm going to spoil it for everyone now.




Are there any famous (or infamous) authors whose characters sigh as much as Miranda Leek's characters do, like the way the Wheel of Time characters keep tugging their skirts and smoothing their braids?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 26 - Duel and Decision

quote:


The images of my dream still haunted me as I walked out into the courtyard to meet Thunderbark. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about today’s session. From a distance I saw the white coaster standing on the small island in front of the great waterfall. Weird, we had never practiced there before.

Merrylegs and Static joined me, seeming somewhat excited. Static had a wide grin on his face and Merrylegs trotted happily.

“Why are you two so -.”

“Excited?” Merrylegs finished.

“Yeah.”

“We’re going see something we haven’t witnessed in a while, It’s something that will prepare you for your fight with Ironwheel.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“You are going to duel Thunderbark!” Static blurted out.

“What!”

“Yes, he told us this morning before you awoke.”

“Wonderful,” I said coldly. I didn’t like the whole idea of it. I had never actually dueled another roller coaster before. I didn’t know how I would comprehend the mere fact.


How stupid and/or sheltered is Railrunner, that the very notion of sparring as part of a training regimen is foreign and incomprehensible to him?


quote:


Thunderbark welcomed me as I stepped foot on the island. I grinned nervously in response.

“I think they already told you what we were doing didn’t they.” He began collectedly.

“Yeah - they kind of did,” I said joking a little.

“To let you know, I’m going to go easy on you. There are a few rules I have to explain first before we get started. First, no bending of any kind. Second, no claws. Third, no teeth. What we are doing is like karate, you get my point, Railrunner?”


Miranda Leek is probably unaware of full contact karate. Admittedly, full contact karate also doesn’t permit use of “bending”, claws or teeth, so perhaps that is what she’s referring to.


quote:


“Yes.”

“Good, now let’s begin.” Thunderbark said as he loosened his muscles. My body tensed as we moved back and forth like sumo wrestlers.


As far as I’m aware, a sumo wrestler does not actually move “back and forth” during a match, but charges straight at his opponent right after the match begins and attempts to force his opponent out of the ring or throw his opponent to the ground.

Perhaps Miranda Leek had in mind boxing, judo, karate, taekwondo, MMA or any other martial arts match where the pugilists may maneuver for better positioning at the start and during the course of the match. If she was picking the name of a martial art at random, she picked the single inapplicable one out of dozens available to her.


quote:


I felt myself letting out a threatening snarl. Thunderbark looked at me astonished.


And how inexperienced or craven is Thunderbark, if he is “astonished” by a mere “threatening snarl”?


quote:


His only response was a loud hiss like that of a breaking train. I lunged quickly for him, my wheels ready for his throat, nevertheless at the last second with a hard shove, I was thrown to the ground. I turned and glanced back at Thunderbark.

“That was pitiful, dazzle me.” He said in a playful tone.

I then got up and darted to the left and attacked him from the side. It worked at first, but then I was thrown to the ground once more.

“Railrunner, you have to trick your opponent. Make them have no idea what your next move is.”


Actually, why are they even practicing hand-to-hand combat if they can strike at range and with more power using bending? Human soldiers and police officers learn and practise unarmed combat moves because they might be disarmed or run out of ammunition during an actual fight, but roller-coasters’ bending is an innate ability. Furthermore, as Moonhoof confirmed, Railrunner can perform unlimited “concussion beams” in Amusement Park Between, so why is Thunderbark wasting time on dueling without bending?


quote:


“All right -.” I said suddenly bending over and swinging my tail, hitting him across the face. Thunderbark lay on the ground. He struggled to get up, when he finally got in a sitting position and spat out blood.

“Nice one, you caught me off guard.” He said spitting out more blood.

“Like in the real world we use the element of surprise, but here we use it for a different matter.” Then he swung his tail without warning, this time I saw it coming and I dodged his attack.

“Caught you trying to pull a fast one.” I laughed slightly.

“Very good, that is the most important thing in battle, stay alert.” He chuckled.

“Of course.” I said making another move when he was in the process of getting up, but he hit me right back, knocking me off the little island and into the water.

Then it happened very quickly.

Rage suddenly built up inside me, my blood got hot.

Anger flowed like a river and my heart beat faster. Blood pulsed and my mind raced. Hatred came into me in a rushing fury. I was losing myself, instinct was taking over. My bloodlust returned...

I sprang up and over the island, landing on Thunderbark’s back. The force was so great, we both landed in the water on the other side of the island. And I sunk my teeth onto his arm. He wailed in agony, and then my mind snapped, bringing me back into reality.

I staggered backward holding my head, as Thunderbark looked at me in horror.

“What just happened?” I said dazed.

“You bit me, Railrunner.” Thunderbark uttered in pain.

“I did?” I said confused.

“You did, do you not remember?”

“No - I don’t know what just happened.”

“Railrunner I think you are starting to suffer from Jyronatropy.”


A Google search for “jyronatropy” discloses only three results, all excerpts from Twisted itself. A Google search for “jyrona” discloses a number of people named “jyrona”. How did Miranda Leek even come up with this word?


quote:


“What’s that?” I said with my memory returning.

“Every so often, usually about three weeks after you gain control, a coaster will sometimes experience some sudden spells where they lose control again. This could go on for about one week.”

“So when I’m angry or upset, it triggers me to lose it?”

“Yes. But sometimes it happens from withdrawal of something.”

“Well ok, hey we had better get that wrapped up! You’re bleeding really badly.”


They seem pretty nonchalant about the fact that Railrunner could go into uncontrollable murder-frenzies. Then again, if they’re already used to Railrunner’s controlled murder-frenzies, it’s probably not much of a difference.

Also, if Thunderbark knew that Railrunner could break out into sudden murder-frenzies, why did he allow Railrunner to go roaming around by himself in Trenzon?


quote:


“Yeah, I’d better.” He sighed in exhaustion.


38th sigh of the book.


quote:


Then it donned [sic] on me, why wasn’t his wound healing as it should?

“Can’t you heal yourself, Thunderbark?” I asked confounded.

“I can’t. I forgot to tell you, a roller coaster can be harmed or killed by another coaster.”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind!”


Isn’t that something that Thunderbark should already have mentioned before the duel if not earlier?


quote:


We took Thunderbark to his room, and tended to his nasty wound. He lost a large amount of blood, but Merrylegs said he would make a full recovery in time. He now lay asleep, aided by some pain medicine.

“He will be in bed a few days,” Merrylegs said to me. “It’s not like it was your fault, Railrunner. You couldn’t prevent your nature even if you tried.”


If Railrunner poses danger to others due to factors over which he has no control, he should be restrained until such time as the danger passes, not left to freely roam around.


quote:


“I still feel like it’s my fault.” I sighed.


39th sigh of the book.


quote:


“It’s not,” Static cut in.

“Whatever you say, I think I will get some rest now.” I replied sheepishly with Merrylegs giving me a weak smile.


Again, in view of the domestic abuse subtext of the Railrunner-Clare relationship, the fact that Static and Merrylegs are so eager to exonerate Railrunner’s violent tendencies takes on new and troubling implications.


quote:


“All right, we were about to do the same thing. Good night, Railrunner.”

“Night,” I called as I walked out of the room. I thought more about what Thunderbark had told me. A factor why I snapped was, withdraw, and I knew what from, Clare. I pondered more. Thunderbark was bedridden for a few days. I had a clear schedule. It was then that I made my mind up, tomorrow I would go and visit Clare


The message of “I’m violent because I can’t have you”, and the author-inserts’ approval of this, couldn’t be clearer or more disturbing.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

quote:

“What’s that?” I said with my memory returning.

“Every so often, usually about three weeks after you gain control, a coaster will sometimes experience some sudden spells where they lose control again. This could go on for about one week.”

What an oddly specific way to get around having the protagonist get his rear end beaten in a fair fight.

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
I can't wait until he shows the sword to the others and they immediately gasp and identify as some kind of legendary magical sword that grants him further unnecessary superpowers.

I hope it has a name something like...the Railbliterator.

Sindai fucked around with this message at 06:31 on May 8, 2013

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


Sindai posted:

I can't wait until he shows the sword to the others and they immediately gasp and identify as some kind of legendary magical sword that grants him further unnecessary superpowers.

I hope it has a name something like...the Railbliterator.

I'm going to go with some variation of "Blade/Sword of the Red", the "Red Blade", or something butchered with a thesaurus.

Madoushi
May 9, 2003

Some days, you just get up on the wrong side of the bed...

quote:

“I can’t. I forgot to tell you, a roller coaster can be harmed or killed by another coaster.”

quote:

Rodney walked through the doorway, shut the door, and stopped to take off his shoes. Suddenly Clare pulled out the knife and brought it down towards his chest. Rodney had no time to react, the knife went into him and Clare stumbled backward gasping in fear. Rodney sat on the floor breathing harshly. He tugged at the knife sticking out of his chest; he pulled it free and lay it aside. Blood seeped through his shirt; he unbuttoned it and reveled [sic] the nasty wound.

Chances that Clare turns out to be Shadowtrack, the strong independant roller-coaster woman who isn't anything without her man? :shepicide:

EDIT: People were spoiling mentions of Shadowtrack earlier, and I don't want to ruin anyone's enjoyment of Twisted.

Madoushi fucked around with this message at 08:05 on May 8, 2013

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Jeek
Feb 15, 2012

Madoushi posted:

Chances that Clare turns out to be Shadowtrack, the strong independant roller-coaster woman who isn't anything without her man? :shepicide:

The "forbidden love" image suggests otherwise. I think that Merryleg will end up being a lover of Railrunner (as well as Clare, of course) and is a strong contender of the above spoiler's subject.

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