Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



The squad car of Officers Donnelly and Harrison was unusually quiet that evening. On a normal day, the two partners would be swapping sports scores, theorizing about the weather, and gossiping about the other cops at their station. Donnelly would be complaining about his ex-wife and bragging about his children's accomplishments, and Harrison would be describing the latest trouble his two-year-old twins had gotten themselves into. But normal days don't happen after four officers die in the line of duty. Normal days don't occur while entire SWAT teams share a room at the hospital.

Instead, the two policemen were too caught within their own thoughts to make conversation. Each was thinking about what he might say or do at the mass funeral coming up. Each was wondering what he might have to tell his partner's loved ones if the worst happened. Mostly, however, each was considering what to do if the man they were following turned back into the monster that demolished so much of Mystic Park the night before.

Donnelly and Harrison were in one of three cars ordered to follow Rodney. The three coordinated their movements to keep the suspect in constant view without appearing too suspicious, using a police frequency cleared for the purpose. Their job was made more difficult when, after leaving his apartment, Rodney decided to go for a jog that headed downtown, but so far as they could tell, their target had not grown suspicious.

As evening fell, Rodney was still far from his home but appeared to be in no hurry to return. Instead, he began to veer off the main roads and down alleys and side streets, his motivation a mystery to the officers following him. Although the three cars did their best to cover all possible exits from every alley Rodney entered, there came a time--only minutes from sunset--when he simply did not emerge. "We need eyes on the suspect," the dispatcher responded when the cops explained the situation. "Can one of you reach a rooftop?"

"This is Jensen in Car 107. I've got some binoculars and one of the buildings here is a hotel. Give me a few and I'll find a good spot for you."

"Make it quick, Adam," the dispatcher replied.

Tense minutes passed as Donnelly and Harrison sat in their car, eyes peeled for any glimpse of Rodney in the darkening alley. They nearly jumped when Jensen came back on the line. "I'm in place. Looks like our man interrupted a gentlemen's dice game just off a rear parking lot. Looks to be a half dozen of them down there. Hard to tell with how dark it's getting."

"Copy that."

"So who do we root for here? The back alley scum or the evil roller coaster monster?" Donnelly asked, a slight grin playing across his face. Harrison responded with a glare. Donnelly dropped his smile, shifted in his seat, and checked his pistol.

"Looks like they're arguing about something. I can hear shouting, but no words...I think the gentlemen are pulling out weapons now, I can't make out what--oh poo poo! He's turning! He's turning!"

"Get out of there, Adam! Reinforcements will be incoming!" the dispatcher nearly screamed.

Donnelly's heart pounded as a metallic screech came from the alley's entrance, followed by several gunshots and all-too-human screams of pain. His hand shaking, he picked up the receiver. "Officer Donnelly here. P-permission to draw the roller coaster out, dispatch?"

"Negative! It's too dangerous. Wait for reinforcements, Rob."

Donnelly's mind went back to the night before. He had been standing on the cordon then, and had watched as better armed and armored men went past him into Mystic Park, leaving behind only screams and gunfire that were much too similar to the sounds coming from the alleyway now. He turned to his partner.

"gently caress it," Harrison said, pulling out his sidearm and flipping the safety off.

Donnelly would never call himself brave or heroic for what he did next. He preferred to think of himself as a coward of a different sort: one who could not listen to the cries of the damned and sit back, listening. Not again. Not ever again. He flicked on the police car's low-profile lights, pulsed the siren twice, and slowly drove the car down the street.

Everything had become eerily quiet in the time it took Donnelly to make his decision. Creeping towards the parking lot, the two officers could not see anything that moved, although the twisting shadows cast by the flashing police lights kept them both on the very edge of their nerves. "I think that's...what's left of one of the gamblers," Harrison observed, pointing to a dark lump slumped under an even darker stain on the side of a building. "There's another...and two more..."

"It's like a loving war zone," Donnelly whispered.

"But no giant red roller coaster. Where the gently caress did it go?"

Donnelly's heart skipped a beat as he realized. "It's waiting for us."

With a giant crash, the car's roof nearly caved in as something heavy landed on it, bucking the vehicle off its front tires. "Drive! Drive! Drive!" Harrison shouted as Donnelly dropped the gas pedal to the floor, leaving two heavy skid marks as the car leaped forward and sent the massive roller coaster train spinning to the ground.

Donnelly sent the car skidding into a right turn as it flew out of the alley, only remembering to turn on the siren after he ran the second red light. The creature was right on their tail, its impressive array of wheels keeping it steady even as it wove back and forth across the street, an ecstatic, unthinking grin on its parody of a face. "Where are we going?" Harrison yelled.

"We need to get it out of the city! Keep its attention so it'll follow us!" Donnelly shouted back. Harrison smashed what was left of the passenger side window with the butt of his gun, then leaned out to take a few shots at their pursuer. Once the magazine ran out, he dropped back into the cabin and noticed the scanner going crazy. Grabbing the receiver with one hand, he did his best to reload with the other.

"Harrison here! It's on our tail!"

"We know, Jim! Where are you going?!"

"Rob, where are we going?" Harrison repeated.

"Jefferson," Donnelly answered, honking his horn at a van that refused to pull to the side. "Once we get there, we can tear straight out of the city without using the highways."

"Clear Jefferson Street from here to the suburbs," Harrison spoke into the radio. "We're getting this shitter away from anyone it could hurt."

"Copy that, clear all of Jefferson Street of traffic to lure the roller coaster out of the city."

Aggressive driving was a standard part of police training, but Donnelly had considered it a mostly useless skill. Perhaps the highway patrol could get some regular use out of it, but as a city cop Donnelly knew that the majority of "high speed" urban car chases happened in movies and video games, not in real life. For the most part, those who fled from the police did so on foot or else obeyed traffic laws, and those who didn't wrecked their vehicles inside of a minute. Still, the training itself was fun and Donnelly found himself thanking every minute he spent on the practice course as he sped through intersections, wove through oncoming traffic, and took sharp turns without fishtailing out of control. All the while Railrunner chased after them, sometimes coming nearer, sometimes drifting farther, flowing across the street and banking off of cars and buildings as though it was traveling along the longest coaster track in the world, and always bearing a hungry, empty smile on its face.

At last, as the hunted patrol car neared the edge of the city, the effort of the other officers paid off and Jefferson Street became clear of obstacles, giving Donnelly the space to push his vehicle to its limits. Harrison, however, watched in horror as the roller coaster train, evidently growing bored with the lack of turns and cars to run into, easily caught up to its prey and began to playfully collide with it, the car's overheated tires slipping for heart-stopping seconds with each jolt. Harrison did his best to fend it off, but his bullets did no better than his comrades' had the night before, and even after switching to his partner's weapon he eventually ran out.

The panic and adrenaline which had pushed Donnelly forward through the inner city streets drained, quite suddenly, as he came to realize that he was going to die and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Recovering from another skid, he looked over at a sign that flashed past. "Do you know where we're headed?" he asked.

"Where's that?" Harrison responded, staring at his empty and useless firearm.

"Mystic Park." The two policemen spared a glance at each other, then began to laugh hysterically, uncontrollably.

Their laugh was cut short as their pursuer let out a deafening scream, the sound of a thousand worn-out trucks braking at once. Donnelly let go of the wheel to cover his ears and the car spun out, flipping sideways and rolling into the ditch.

Thankfully, the squad car's safety measures kept it from becoming a steel coffin, although Donnelly could feel an uncomfortable pressure on his legs as he struggled past the deflating air bags. Peering out the ruin where the windshield once sat, he watched as a pair of helicopters shot past, followed close behind by a fleet of police vehicles, every siren together wailing a discordant symphony.

Donnelly hoped the ambulances wouldn't be too far behind them.

(Rereading chapter 11 I noticed that Railrunner managed to go from 20,000 lbs (10 tons) to 8.5 tons. Must be on one hell of a diet.)

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


What's a few tons, here or there?

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.

College Slice

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

"This is Jensen in Car 107. I've got some binoculars and one of the buildings here is a hotel. Give me a few and I'll find a good spot for you."

"Make it quick, Adam," the dispatcher replied.

I never asked for this to become a Deus Ex crossover, but it works pretty well.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






Holy poo poo Bobbin, that was your best one yet

hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

JosephWongKS posted:

“Every so often, usually about three weeks after you gain control, a coaster will sometimes experience some sudden spells where they lose control again. This could go on for about one week.”

A red roller coaster that lets loose once every 3 weeks for about a week? You don't say.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


It's spreading. :ohdear:

Woden posted:

And it looks like my mutant can't use this feature which could have given me more body slots which I can't get as a mutant. Weak.

I wonder if you had a mutant with a lot of potions of decent, stayed level 2 and somehow beat the main quest, could you end up with 27 inventory slots?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Bobbin, don't stop. Never stop. You're the one who makes this thread tolerable with your awesome ~*~Fanfiction~*~

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Iced Cocoa posted:

Bobbin, don't stop. Never stop. You're the one who makes this thread tolerable with your awesome ~*~Fanfiction~*~

Eventually we're going to reach the point where Railrunner inflicts a minor injury on Detective Black, who then retires on a full pension to spend time with his grand-children. Will Bobbin continue the story from Railrunner's POV? Can even a writer as skilled as Bobbin take Railrunner and turn him into a heroic tolerable less loathesome character?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



JosephWongKS posted:

Eventually we're going to reach the point where Railrunner inflicts a minor injury on Detective Black, who then retires on a full pension to spend time with his grand-children. Will Bobbin continue the story from Railrunner's POV? Can even a writer as skilled as Bobbin take Railrunner and turn him into a heroic tolerable less loathesome character?

He can always continue the saga with Special Agent Captain. Especially given that we haven't seen the last of him.

And since you neglected to show the image at chapter 25, allow me.



A roller coaster who is totally not Railrunner at all. Find the differences!

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




Iced Cocoa posted:

He can always continue the saga with Special Agent Captain. Especially given that we haven't seen the last of him.

And since you neglected to show the image at chapter 25, allow me.



A roller coaster who is totally not Railrunner at all. Find the differences!

This is really Euclidean.

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."


Iced Cocoa posted:

And since you neglected to show the image at chapter 25, allow me.



A roller coaster who is totally not Railrunner at all. Find the differences!

"I just HAVE to show the entire length of his body! But how???"

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Another lovely detail in the giant mural I call " How bullshit roller coasters as beasts are":
Rollercoasters are predatory creatures with severe advantages over any other species to the point where they are literally the superior race, but since they are only born through the decommission or destruction of roller coasters in the real world (cept for that one red rollercoaster), their survival is ultimately entirely dependant on the humans. That's probably the only reason as to why roller coasters haven't usurped, hunted for their personal enjoyment and enslaved all of mankind.

Nice job killing off these people, Railrunner! I'm sure people are just mad about roller coasters right now! Way to ensure the future of your people! :downsbravo:

Fake edit: If a ride gets put out of commission, only to be picked back up a few years later, does the Amusement Park Between equivalent disappear?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



horriblePencilist posted:

Another lovely detail in the giant mural I call " How bullshit roller coasters as beasts are":
Rollercoasters are predatory creatures with severe advantages over any other species to the point where they are literally the superior race, but since they are only born through the decommission or destruction of roller coasters in the real world (cept for that one red rollercoaster), their survival is ultimately entirely dependant on the humans. That's probably the only reason as to why roller coasters haven't usurped, hunted for their personal enjoyment and enslaved all of mankind.

Nice job killing off these people, Railrunner! I'm sure people are just mad about roller coasters right now! Way to ensure the future of your people! :downsbravo:

Fake edit: If a ride gets put out of commission, only to be picked back up a few years later, does the Amusement Park Between equivalent disappear?

It comes up much later in the book so I figure I can spoil it now.

The thing is that apparently they can 'sense' when they're being permanently put in storage. So even for a few years inactivity, as long as it is going to be used again it will remain inert the whole time.

However I don't know what happens when a ride is put in permanent storage, then later on gets destroyed. Nor do I know what happens when a ride is drastically altered, for instance the Test Track becoming the Cars Land Ride or whatever those two were called.

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."


Iced Cocoa posted:

However I don't know what happens when a ride is put in permanent storage, then later on gets destroyed. Nor do I know what happens when a ride is drastically altered, for instance the Test Track becoming the Cars Land Ride or whatever those two were called.

Test Track in Walt Disney World was altered pretty significantly but not into a Cars ride (though the Cars ride Radiator Spring Racers in Disneyland uses a similar ride system). Of course, now I'm wondering if the original World of Motion ride is in Amusement Park Between? Or do Disney rides get their own magical land or something?

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Shouldn't every ride be a Fallen One? I mean, sure, rides get closed, but they're not going to stay that way forever. Eventually, they either get picked back up or get dismantled.

Also, how do new rides appear? Do they suddenly exist? Do they magically spawn at some magical place? Do they fall through a portal?

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012


horriblePencilist posted:

Shouldn't every ride be a Fallen One? I mean, sure, rides get closed, but they're not going to stay that way forever. Eventually, they either get picked back up or get dismantled.

There is a difference between being dismantled in an orderly manner and being treated so badly that it is trashed. Kind of like dying of old age in a hospital and dying in a painful, violent way, I guess.

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012



:smug:

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



:gonk:

Antlerhill
Nov 6, 2012



Smellrose

Is... is that roller coaster wearing fishnets?

Is this a drawing of the interior of a roller coaster burlesque house?

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


:stonk: Holy centipede cows of Fanficcia, what is this thing?

Also, there's a tiny roller coaster train to the right of the wine glass. :stare:

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Why is this roller coaster wearing a bikini? Where do the wheels go whenever they're making a fist? Why does every loving roller coaster have a tattoo? How does every loving roller coaster have a tattoo? How do roller coasters get piercings? Why the gently caress does every roller coaster have to look supersmug? Why do roller coaster have abs only on the second cart? Why is that watermark so goddamn loving ugly?

Miranda, shut down everything.


Jeek posted:

There is a difference between being dismantled in an orderly manner and being treated so badly that it is trashed. Kind of like dying of old age in a hospital and dying in a painful, violent way, I guess.

How many rides actually get destroyed? I can imagine some no-good punks busting some attraction up a bit, but not to a point beyond repair.

TombsGrave
Feb 15, 2008



Maybe coasters that are destroyed by natural causes (i.e. tornadoes, hurricanes, floods) or abandoned count as "vandalized" for the purposes of making crazies? I'm thinking about abandoned amusement park photos here.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



TombsGrave posted:

Maybe coasters that are destroyed by natural causes (i.e. tornadoes, hurricanes, floods) or abandoned count as "vandalized" for the purposes of making crazies? I'm thinking about abandoned amusement park photos here.

The villain's chief lieutenant has been described as somehow being made of a Frankensteinian blend of steel and wooden roller coaster parts (even though I'm pretty sure that's more impossible than it is illegal) and was then tortured just for the hell of it. I'm fairly sure the real-world fate of roller coasters has little to do with this distinction.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




I made my own original character for this novel! His name is "Jolly" Jacktrack and he's a pirate who travels the world helping the innocent! He got his face slashed by a roller coaster with long silver hair and a 10-foot katana, but luckily he got it replaced with cybernetic computer parts, making him a cyberpirate! Type 6 motherfucker! He has an aquariam on his ship and a loyal crew who bravely follow him into battle. He is the best fighter in the world, previously being Thunderbark's mentor an has the ability to bend water, thunder, fire, metal, wind and various vegetables (you laugh now but wait till you see the things he can do with a carrot). He is an expert swordsman and he has gotten even stronger thanks to his cyber upgrades and his training to defeat the silver-haired man coaster.



HE IS AN OC ANTHRO CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL YOU CUNTFUCKS!

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 05:15 on May 13, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 27 - Daring Move

quote:


Before the break of dawn I pulled out a piece of old parchment and struggled to write a letter to Thunderbark. With a quill I wrote:

Dear Thunderbark,

I’m going hunting. I have no idea when I will return, maybe tomorrow morning. Don’t worry, I have my cloak. See you soon.

Railrunner



A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” uses quills and parchment – not even pen and paper, but quills and parchment – for written communication.


quote:


It was difficult to write the letter with wheels instead of hands, but at least it was still legible.


Holy crap. Is that... is that an actual disadvantage to being a roller-coaster I’m seeing?


quote:


I snuck quietly out of my room and walked down the long dark hall. I was the only thing that was active in the temple, nothing else stirred. I silently entered Thunderbark’s room; he slept soundly in his bed. I silently sat [sic] the letter on the end table with all the medication.

Hopefully Merrylegs would find it. Then I left the room.

Minutes later I stood outside the temple. I slipped on my trench coat and took a sip of river water. I glanced back where we had lived for several weeks, and then I bolted forward, disappearing into the forest.


A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” does not appear to have invented “water-bottles”.


quote:


It took our group about three days to get from the portal to the temple, and that was when we walked. If I ran, I could get to the portal by – maybe eight o’clock. Hopefully earlier.


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has the exact same system of time-keeping as the “real world”.


quote:


Amusement Park Between was quiet, but at least its silence was not eerie. Within the next hour and a half, I reached Trenzon. Mist hung in the empty streets, and all of its carnival lights were out. I looked at the little town hall, remembering the day that I slain the Fallen go-cart and when they found out I arrived here. However, I did not have time to gander [what?] and ponder memories. I had to get to the real world.

Running and running, my heartbeat kept rising.


At least Miranda Leek’s consistent about Railrunner’s terrible stamina, first seen in Chapter 8 where he had to “let out huge puffs of air” simply from running through the House of Mirrors.


quote:


I knew it was only a matter of time before Thunderbark would find out that I had vanished. It would be even worse If he had found out I had gone to the real world.


He really is the most terribly irresponsible “hero”.


quote:


Hopefully the police forces had disappeared. Maybe I could be right; after all I had not made an appearance there in three weeks.


Or maybe police forces in the “real world” don’t forget about mass murderers after merely three weeks of inactivity by said mass murderer.


quote:


I was getting nearer to the portal, I could feel it. It would only be a matter of time then. One good thing on my timing was that I would arrive in the real world by early morning, and I would be human. The downside was that I had to leave before nightfall, or else everyone would witness what I truly am.

An hour later I had finally reached the portal. The strange blue florescent glow shone bright even as the dark began to fade. I took one last glance at my home, and then I concentrated my breath, and plunged into the water.


Again with the “concentrating” of breath. Where does Miranda Leek find these expressions?


quote:


This time I knew what to expect as the water swarmed around me. My body went numb, as I continued to hold my breath. I could feel myself compress and shrink. I was becoming human, I thought. Everything shifted and changed as the seconds went by. My lungs started to hurt, I started to panic. With a jolting kick, I surfaced into the real world.

I climbed out of the water, my body was sore. I looked down to see that I had human hands and feet. I felt my face, it too was human. I had on the last outfit I was wearing before I transformed and my cloak became a black hoodie. The strangest thing though, was that I was completely dry. I took one quick look around then started my journey in the real world.


Why do Railrunner’s clothes shrink when he transforms from roller-coaster to human, but fail to expand when he transforms from human to roller-coaster?


quote:


The rays of the sun softly beamed down onto my back. I walked along the empty streets with my hood up. Then I heard the roll of wheels, was it the cops? I turned around to see Sly driving a new Chevy truck. To my dismay, he rolled down the window.

“Hey sir, do you need a lift?”

I turned around and smiled at him. His eyes widened as he realized who I was.

“Rodney! Where in the hell have you been!” he said excitedly opening up the passenger door. I climbed in; I had to be [missing the word “not] the least bit suspicious.

“I’ve been to Germany, on a business trip.” I said lying.


Railrunner continues to be absolutely the worst – the worst – liar.


quote:


“Really? Your job has been paying off.”

“It is, but I can see that yours is, too.” I replied as I glanced at his truck.

“Yeah, I decided to invest in what I had in opening up a shop. I sell sports gear.”

“Interesting.”


Not only is Railrunner a terrible liar, he is also awful at feigning interest in the lives of people who are allegedly his “friends”.


quote:


“Yep, bought me something I really needed. This baby is fully loaded!” Sly said as he patted the dash.

“I can see that.” I replied laughing. But then I saw that we were approaching a police sting. My senses told me that they were searching for the red.

“Drive faster, Sly.” I demanded.

“Why? What is the problem?”

“Just drive.”

“Tell me why -.”

“Just do it!” I ordered him. I almost was yelling.

He stepped on the gas petal and drove away quickly. We rounded a corner, and the cops were no longer in view. I sighed in great relief.


40th sigh of the book.


quote:


“What the heck was that all about!” he said looking at me strangely.

“I can’t really tell you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

“That’s fine, say where am I taking you?”

“To Clare’s house.”

“Clare’s? She has been so troubled lately. The FBI, police, and even the army have interviewed her. I don’t know why.”

“Huntersville is still obsessed with m- madness over the roller coaster?” I asked, almost screwing up big-time.


I wouldn’t call it “obsessed” or “madness” to continue a hunt for a dangerous criminal with as long as list of damage as Railrunner’s.


quote:


“Yeah, they are on high alert, they are ready for it. Hope that bastard gets what it deserves.” Sly said as while he never took his eyes from the road.

I looked to the floor, my theory was wrong. Everyone was out to get me.


First of all, your theory is loving stupid. Second of all, yes they are “out to get you”, but you are decidedly not the victim in this case.

There are so many established techniques for creating an outcast who is misunderstood, framed, had a terrible childhood, or otherwise forced into atrocities due to circumstances. Miranda Leek used none of them, wrote a character that eagerly commits carnage and slaughter and revels in vicious murder, and yet expects the readers to sympathise with said character.


quote:


“Rodney?”

“Sorry Sly I zoned out.”

“That is also fine, by the way, what were you doing walking this early?”

“I always walk in the mornings.” I replied. I really wished he would hurry up and get me to Clare’s.


I guess another constant about Miranda Leek’s writing is that the human characters (other than Clare) are universally more likable than the amusement park ride characters. Here we have, for example, Sly displaying a level of concern for his friend that neither Railrunner nor anyone in his murderous posse have displayed.


quote:


“All right. I forgot to tell you that your house was destroyed and your car was repossessed.” He said wincing.


And it had not occurred to Sly that this may have been a teensy incongruent with Rodney having been away for a business trip.

Okay, so the human characters may be nicer than the amusement park ride characters, but everyone (other than the police officers) is pretty stupid.


quote:


“Screw it.” I said.

“You’re not angry? I thought you would be furious!”

“You don’t want to see me furious.” I said under my breath.


What does Railrunner care about his house and car in the “real world” anyway? He’s got a grand temple complex all to himself at his “home” (as he described it earlier in this chapter).


quote:


“Pardon?”

“Nothing.”

“Well we are here. Nice to see you Rodney.”

“Right back at you.”

He nodded and drove away, as I sighed again in relief.


41st sigh of the book.


quote:



He was starting to ask me too many questions. I turned to the front of her house. I began to walk up her perfectly paved sidewalk, when Mittens jumped out and hissed at me. I rolled my eyes and barred a set of gleaming white fangs at the cat.

Its hair stood on end as it ran away yowling. I smiled a little in amusement.


I’d forgotten Railrunner takes delight in frightening domestic pets. Our “hero”, ladies and gentlemen.


quote:


I cautiously strolled up to her front door. I reached and rang her doorbell, then stepped back and waited quietly. My keen ears heard footsteps, her footsteps that sounded like a melody to my ears. Then I heard
her turn the knob. The door creaked open. Then her beautiful self appeared in the doorway. She looked at me in shock; tears began to run down her face.

“Railrunner?” she said gasping with her hand over her mouth.

“It’s me Clare.” I said smiling from ear to ear. She pranced forward and hugged me tightly.


Railrunner has just been informed by Sly that “The FBI, police, and even the army have interviewed” Clare and that “they are on high alert”. Isn’t it reasonable to consider that the house would be under observation by said FBI, police and army? Why did he go straight to Clare’s house instead of calling her or examining the surrounding area first? Why is Railrunner so consistently stupid in every possible way?


quote:


“Come on in, it is safer, I don’t want those horrid people to take you from me.” She said guiding me in. Her house had not changed a bit. I could smell breakfast from her tidy kitchen.


Those “horrid people” are trying to apprehend a sociopathic mass murderer. One who, I may add, tried to murder you


quote:

.

“Thanks, I said lost in a little bit of thought. I still couldn’t believe I was here.

“We can sit down and discuss your travels and what has been going on here at breakfast. You still like pancakes?”

“A little bit,” I said slightly frolicsome [what?. She smiled and showed me to her kitchen. I sat at the table and Clare went to the stove to check on the pancakes and to fix extra.

“Clare, I would help you, but I’m afraid I’m a bad cook. Maybe I can get us drinks?”

“That’s fine; the drinks are in the garage in the fridge out there.”


Why would you put the fridge in the garage? :psyduck:


quote:


I nodded and made my way to its interior. I found the fridge easily. I opened it and grabbed Clare a coke, for some reason she liked that instead of coffee.


“For some reason”? Is it such a shocking discovery that some people might favour coke over coffee? What is wrong with everybody in this book?


quote:


I was going to grab me a coke but my eyes caught the sight of a can on a shelf. It was a can of motor oil. I found myself liking [sic] my lips. I hesitantly grabbed it off the self [sic]. I held it in my hand; temptation caused me to open it. The thick black liquid looked strangely -appetizing. My lips touched the can’s rim; I tilted it backward, the oil slithering down my thought [sic]. I licked my lips in satisfaction, it tasted good. I rejected my coke and took the oil instead.


First – how the hell do you get all the way from “throat” to “thought”?

Second – If roller-coasters drink motor oil, why do they still bleed blood?


quote:


I carried our drinks to the table and sat [sic] them down, and then I helped Clare with gathering the food. We sat at the seats, across from each other. I took a sip of oil and Clare stared at me eccentrically [what].

“Your [sic] drinking motor oil!” she laughed.

“Yeah, it’s actually good.” I replied.

“Well then what happened after you left ? I take it you and your friends made it to the portal.”


Some “friendship” they have going. They treat Railrunner in a lovely way and Railrunner fully reciprocates it.


quote:


“We did. However, we got involved in a big brawl with the police and the FBI. Thankfully, we made it to the portal in the nick of time, just before the sun rose.”

“Really? So how is Amusement Park Between?”

“Oh, Clare I wish you could see it! It’s like a fantasy world! It is the most beautiful place I have ever laid eyes on. It not industrial like you would think its [/sic] all forest! The technology is phenomenal, much more advanced than anything a scientist could invent. It is a place were [sic] anything is possible.”


“The technology is phenomenal, much more advanced than anything a scientist could invent.”

I just wanted to point this out.


quote:


“What about the evil ruler you mentioned?” she asked perplexed.

“Oh, I forgot about that,” I said starting to get depressed. “I might as well start from the beginning.”

“That’s all right, Railrunner. I’m all ears.”


How can Clare be all ears when she’s already all neck?


quote:


And so I explained Amusement Park Between in great detail. How the rides come to be and what they became if they are destroyed in the real world. I told her the legend of the red roller coaster, how I was created differently. That I was born and not built. I told her the prophecy again, I told her my destiny. Finally I told of Ironwheel and his armies. I told her of Freakshow and Ironwheel’s servants. Most importantly, his motive.

“Hmm, sounds like your world has its ups and downs like ours.”


The main “down” in both worlds is that Railrunner has not yet been brought to justice.


quote:


“Yeah,” I laughed. “I think that is enough about me for a while, what about you?”

“Well our world has been chaos since you left,” she began. “First the FBI got troops down here, they’ve been ratting this place out like wolves. I’ve been interviewed numerous times. Captain Vick has tried to find out where you have disappeared. He knows you are from another world.”

“Does he know which one?”

“I didn’t tell him about Amusement Park Between when he tried interviewing me about that. I told him you were from hell.”

“To some it seems as if I am.” I replied.

“Well, I’m really glad to see you; I’ve missed you so much. I think I am suffering from withdrawal.” She sighed [no full stop]


42nd sigh of the book.


quote:


“I think I am too.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but withdrawal is different for me. I get out of control at some points. Like Thunderbark said every once in a while I get spells like that. I turn into a killer again for a brief moment.”


More of the “love as codependency” / “love as addiction” theme flowing throughout the book.


quote:


She seemed too fearful of what I just said.


“Too fearful”, implying that you can be “too fearful” of someone who periodically loses control and goes into murder-frenzies and has the ability to execute said murder-frenzies.


quote:


I took another sip of oil, and gave her a crooked smile to let her know she had nothing to worry about.


She totally does have something to worry about, because you tried to murder her during your second murder-frenzy.


quote:


She seemed slightly relieved.

“You want any butter for your pancakes?” she suddenly asked.

“That would be fine.” I replied. I didn’t really like pancakes anymore. Clare’s dog, Huck, sat by my side begging for food with sad eyes. When Clare had her back turned, I scooted the pancakes onto the floor for Huck.

He picked them up and ran out of the room with his tail wagging.

“Never mind, Clare. I ate them anyway.” I lied.

“Really? That quick?”

“Yeah.”


What the hell? Why would you lie about something like that? So not only is Railrunner a terrible liar, he’s also a compulsive liar. Our “hero”, ladies and gentlemen.


quote:


She smiled and sat back down taking a drink, and then took a bite of pancakes.

“I have something that I never got the chance to ask you, Railrunner.”

“What might that be?”

“I asked you what it was like to be a coaster when you were out of control. Now what is it like when you are in?”

“Well, I’ll put it like this. I don’t feel like somebody’s poured a liter of acid into my brain that’s for sure!” I smiled.

She laughed, and then I continued.

“It’s kind of like- well- concentrated. It’s like a vampire. They can choose who they suck blood from, but yet they have all the power they could want at their disposal.”


“Oh I see what you mean.” Then there was a loud knock on the door. I already knew who it was.

“Oh no! There’re coming for you! You must go, Railrunner!”

“But -.”

“Just go please.” She whispered. She looked at me tearing up.

“I want one more thing before I leave -.” I said starting to lean in toward her lips. They met mine, and we kissed. The police got impatient outside, they started to bang on the door and yell. Our courtship was vaguely interrupted.


“Vaguely interrupted”. :psyduck:


quote:


“I will come back I promise.” I hugged her.

“I know you will.” She sighed. Then I said my final goodbye and escaped out of the back door.


43rd sigh of the book.


quote:


I ran, no man noticed me at first till one saw my face. From there the chase was on. Without thinking, I ran into the road. I stared into the eyes of Captain Vick. He smiled evilly.

“There you are, Railrunner.” He said simply. “Any reason you are in disguise?”

I flipped him off and bolted into an alley made between two apartment complexes. It came to a dead end, and the humans were not far behind. I looked around desperate, I spotted a fire escape. My agility was still in use even in this body. Like a cat, I leaped straight onto the second level of the fire escape. I climbed it with ease, making it to the top in less than a few seconds. I began to run across the rooftop, a helicopter now joined in the pursuit. My heart started to race, I reached the edge of the six-story building.


Never mind what I said about Miranda Leek being consistent re: Railrunner’s terrible stamina.


quote:


My muscles bulged within my legs. I acted on instinct, and jumped across the gap between the buildings.

I continued to move, leaping over gaps at ease. The force was hot on my trail. I had to lose them! I climbed down the sheer face of the building I was currently running on. I darted to my left. A big warehouse stood about two hundred yards away from me. Maybe I could lose them there.

Luckily the place was open. I locked the door and sat a big wooden crate in front of it. I turned around to see that there was no way out. I hid behind a tower of crates. As I gasped for air, the men could be heard outside. They were lining up, ready to blow me to pieces. Could this really be the end?

Suddenly, my palms began to sweat. I looked down at them, they started to tremble and shake. The Augu Ra glowed brightly. My skin began to flake off, exposing my flaming red metal underneath. My eyes burned as they turned into that of the beast I really was.

“Showtime.” I growled.

+ + +

Captain Vick stood outside the warehouse, nervously. As he waited to make the signal, he expected for the worst to happen. He knew he wa [sic] dealing with the most powerful supernatural creature that he could ever believe. He signaled his men to aim their guns at the warehouse.

A very loud bang sliced through the air, Vick’s heart hammered in his chest. Suddenly, the wall of the warehouse was wiped out like it had been hit by a bomb. Out of the smoke emerged, Railrunner. His fire like eyes glared intensely at Vick. His lips peeled back into a nasty snarl. It was clear that the roller coaster was defiantly [sic] not too pleased of the men’s presence.

“Well, surprised to see me Vick?” Railrunner spoke; his voice was rugged but yet turned velvety at its end. The Captain didn’t reply, he could only cower in fear.


LIAR! Captain Vick would never “cower” or feel “fear”!


quote:



“Coaster got your tongue?” Railrunner mocked. “I’m sure you are, and yet I’m surprised to see you alive.”

“And I’m surprised to not see you dead.” He retorted.

“ I can’t die.” The red roller coaster smiled.

“We shall see.” He said signaling to fire. Gunshots echoed through the air, being heard for miles. The bullets simply bounced off of Railrunner. The demon coaster waved his arms.

“You’ll now learn that I play with fire!” Railrunner yelled. A searing inferno completely wiped out the first row of helpless men.


Our “hero”, ladies and gentlemen.



quote:


All Vick could now see was the hungry flames in front of him. But out of nowhere, Railrunner sailed over the tank that Vick stood upon. He landed untouched on the other side.

The roller coaster headed for the portal, but out of the consuming fireball he had created, emerged six tanks full of angry humans. Railrunner turned to face them, he was ready. All at once the tanks fired missiles.

Railrunner simply knocked them off course. He then bended them back to his pursuers. It eliminated one tank. Railrunner smiled, then he let loose a concussion beam. I rid him of his problems and the city could feel its massive shockwave. Railrunner continued his escape route. Minutes later he arrived at the portal, and did not hesitate diving in.


Did… Did Miranda Leek just break the fourth wall and admit that she’s been deus ex machina-ing away every problem and obstacle faced by her Mary Sue of a protagonist?

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 07:35 on May 13, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



^^ If you perhaps noticed, his metal-bending is now powerful enough to stop tank shells and turn them around to the tank that fired them.

SSNeoman posted:

I made my own original character for this novel! His name is "Jolly" Jacktrack and he's a pirate who travels the world helping the innocent! He got his face slashed by a roller coaster with long silver hair and a 10-foot katana, but luckily he got it replaced with cybernetic computer parts, making him a cyberpirate! Type 6 motherfucker! He has an aquariam on his ship and a loyal crew who bravely follow him into battle. He is the best fighter in the world, previously being Thunderbark's mentor an has the ability to bend water, thunder, fire, metal, wind and various vegetables (you laugh now but wait till you see the things he can do with a carrot). He is an expert swordsman and he has gotten even stronger thanks to his cyber upgrades and his training to defeat the silver-haired man coaster.



HE IS AN OC ANTHRO CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL YOU CUNTFUCKS!

Miranda got you beat:



quote:

At first glance, Prototype would appear just like the average Twisted roller coaster - until he turns around that is. One side of his body is perfectly normal but the other is composed of gears and thousands of moving parts, all visible to the eye. Indeed, Prototype was not always that way, which means you're in for a tragic tale. Prototype once lived by a different name, Flametrain, and had perfectly normal life in Hudong, running his own delivery business, and in love with his soon to be wife. When Ironwheel seized Amusement Park Between, Prototype was captured by the evil king and was forced to work as a slave. For many months he was tortured by the king and his top general, Freakshow, sometimes so brutal that he couldn't walk for days after the beating occurred. Starved, wounded, clinging to life, Flametrain wasn't sure how it could be worse, but he soon suffered just that. Ironwheel came up with a plan. He would force his slaves to fight for his armies, force them to kill their own kind. Flametrain refused and he was ordered to be burned and slaughtered by Freakshow. The act rid his of much of his flesh, his eye, arm, several organs, and his vocal cords, plus damaging many tissues . Somehow, Flametrain escaped only to be found more dead than alive by a few stragglers passing through the land. They took him to Timberwolf, the finest doctor in all of Between. As the old doctor saw Flametrain, he was surprised to see him still breathing. The only option in saving him was a new medical procedure, replacing everything with mechanical limbs and organs that were linked directly to his brain. It had never been tried before on any ride, so the risks were high. After days and nights of surgery with no breaks, the work was finished and the coaster was in stable condition. After a month in a coma, he awoke for the first time, unable to remember his name. Timberwolf called him Prototype as a replacement. At first, he was happy that he was alive, but soon saw the huge price that he had to pay to even be alive. Prototype lost many of his capabilities, all of his powers, his ability to some of the other stuff that was a roller coaster's pastime, even the ability to speak. All on top of all that a device that would never be missed. After he fully healed, Prototype set off alone to rebuild his life, but his wish to have his old life back would not be granted. He was constantly stared at, refused by many employers because of his looks and disabilities, and when Prototype tried to patch things up with his love - she rejected him. Prototype was a freak, alone in the world with nowhere to turn until there was a spark of hope. He met a group of rare Halfcoasters (roller coasters that come to Amusement Park Between as a mix of another animal or machine. The trait comes from being themed to be something that looks anything remotely near a roller coaster in the real world) Prototype learns that the Halfcoasters share some of the same disabilities. They lack all of the powers that a coaster has, even their size for they are much smaller. They welcomed the young coaster who gladly accepted to join them. Years go by, and Prototype is still shunned by many of Amusement Park Between's residents and is truly at home with the nomadic Halfcoasters. One day, unexpectedly, the Halfcoasters stumble on Railrunner and his traveling allies. Prototype is spooked by the king's presence, fearful that he will be judged by even the most powerful being (or rather individual) in all of Amusement Park Between. However, to his surprise, Railrunner finds him to be a great friend and that they have a lot in common with each other, including tragic stories. Soon after, Prototype and the Halfcoasters embark on the king's journey to defeat Darkrail. In the meantime, Prototype and Railrunner spend plenty of time sharing stories and performing many tasks. In the end, Prototype does get his wish, just in the way he never expected.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo



Has she drawn a single roller-coaster that didn't have an obnoxious smug expression?

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

JosephWongKS posted:

Why would you put the fridge in the garage? :psyduck:
Actually, fridges in garages aren't rare. I have one, we usually store packs of bottles or other stuff too big for the fridge in the kitchen.

Oh, and you missed a typo.

quote:

I hesitantly grabbed it off the self.

I'd calculate how much force is needed to invert the path of a mortar slug fired from a tank, but keep in mind Railrunner can only control grains of metal, so it's impossible right away.

But why doesn't the police just destroy the portal? Sure, there might be more portals around, but for all the humans know is that Railrunner uses this and only this particular portal.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



^^ They don't know there is a portal. Railrunner killed or rendered unconscious all witnesses in the last shootout.

JosephWongKS posted:

Has she drawn a single roller-coaster that didn't have an obnoxious smug expression?



quote:

From Vertigo part 4. Done in pencil 2011

Darkrail. (in the back) Is the spirit of death in Amusement Park Between. His plagues that are cast by tooth, claw, and his minions infect any ride with the disease known as “vertigo”, a deadly virus that kills quickly rather than a dizzying sensation. Darkrail arises every blood moon in the real world from a black roller coaster destined to crash. He is as evil as they come. With every life he takes, the stronger he gets; starting out as a corpse and progressing into a pure monster that will stop at nothing to kill everyone, especially the red roller coaster Railrunner. Darkrail is so terrifying, that even his Fallen assistants are scared of him. Veinstreak (in the front), his assistant and unwilling bride is greatly terrified due to Darkrail slaying her Fallen kin in demonstration to using her evil blood to help him spawn some of the most wicked creatures Amusement Park Between will ever see. Veinstreak has been heavily injured by Railrunner many times, and has seen Darkrail kill off his injured followers, but oddly he keeps her alive. However, his nature makes her unsure of how much longer she will survive.


Miranda, The Mummy is my favorite goofy movie, do not tarnish it like this. :(

As per Miranda's "Will rarely if anything not illustrate villains" tradition, this is the only image available of Veinstreak, and there is another illustration of Darkrail where he's part of a promo illustration of Vertigo.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Iced Cocoa posted:


As per Miranda's "Will rarely if anything not illustrate villains" tradition,


Then why does she have so many illustrations of Railrunner and Thunderbark?

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?



I tried.

Edit: I just realized Miranda sicks her following on her dA-group at anyone who dares to oppose her. Classy.

horriblePencilist fucked around with this message at 08:57 on May 13, 2013

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


quote:

Captain Vick stood outside the warehouse, nervously. As he waited to make the signal, he expected for the worst to happen. He knew he wa [sic] dealing with the most powerful supernatural creature that he could ever believe. He signaled his men to aim their guns at the warehouse.

A very loud bang sliced through the air, Vick’s heart hammered in his chest. Suddenly, the wall of the warehouse was wiped out like it had been hit by a bomb. Out of the smoke emerged, Railrunner. His fire like eyes glared intensely at Vick. His lips peeled back into a nasty snarl. It was clear that the roller coaster was defiantly [sic] not too pleased of the men’s presence.

“Well, surprised to see me Vick?” Railrunner spoke; his voice was rugged but yet turned velvety at its end. The Captain didn’t reply, he could only cower in fear.
He's not cowering, he's backing away to get a good run-up.

Does the US Paranatural Department have both a Captain Vick and a Captain Vicks? That's just confusing. I bet those two get each other's emails all the time.

quote:

Edit: I just realized Miranda sicks her following on her dA-group at anyone who dares to oppose her. Classy.

That's surprising, because if there was one thing I would have expected from the creator of Mary Sue murdercoasters it would have been class.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



horriblePencilist posted:



I tried.

Edit: I just realized Miranda sicks her following on her dA-group at anyone who dares to oppose her. Classy.

Still a whole lot better than what Miranda doles out.

Though I've not seen any references to Miranda sicc'ing her fanatics onto anyone who objects to her fetish. Got any links of any "orders" or any fans overwhelming the comments of the opponents?

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


quote:

"He knows you are from another world.”

“Does he know which one?”
So there might be multiple, known alternate universes that connect to the small town of Huntsville in the Mirandaverse?

quote:

A searing inferno completely wiped out the first row of helpless men.
How could she write that

SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:


I was talking with someone about hoe she likes to steal powers from everything when they become convenient to the plot, and my friend made a pretty good point. At least he isn't an alchemist too. There was that glorious period of time right after FMA got localized where everyone and their mom tried to bring their dead mom back to life and can now perform alchemy without spending 45 minutes drawing a chalk pentagram. Of course now that I said this I have a feeling I know how Railrunner will solve his next life ending problem, hopefully in the very same sentence that introduced it.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Iced Cocoa posted:

Still a whole lot better than what Miranda doles out.

Though I've not seen any references to Miranda sicc'ing her fanatics onto anyone who objects to her fetish. Got any links of any "orders" or any fans overwhelming the comments of the opponents?

There's this Journal entry on #BizzareAnthros – her group – that she wrote. Coincidentally, she ranted about the very same forum topic in this entry in her personal dA Journal.
I'm sure there's more of this in the 6 pages of Journals on her group.

Oh, and here's an actually usable smugcoast similie.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



quote:

I was getting nearer to the portal, I could feel it. It would only be a matter of time then. One good thing on my timing was that I would arrive in the real world by early morning, and I would be human. The downside was that I had to leave before nightfall, or else everyone would witness what I truly am.

I thought his Necklace of MacGuffin meant he can transform when and however he wants to now?

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

I'm assuming he'll still transform every night, the moon overrides the necklace.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Or, more likely, Miranda has given Railrunner so much power she has forgotten some of those powers he has already.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I thought his Necklace of MacGuffin meant he can transform when and however he wants to now?

He could probably do that already.

  • Locked thread