Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Black: Paranomal Detective
Book V: The Deadly Ride

By Bobbin Threadbare

MOBI, ePub and PDF located here

drat this took a while, CSS was not co-operating in places and it's hard to make the book look consistent between the different kindle versions. I am unable to test the ePub format since I've not really installed any ePub reader or ebook emulators that read ePub.

If anyone makes a cover I'll add that to the file. If the ePub is broken, I can upload the raw html files for anyone who knows more than me on how to make ePub files.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

GrizzlyCow
May 30, 2011
I'm telling you this place has a Jerk-Hierarchy. Rozrail was a bit of a jerk, but he was not a major rear end in a top hat, so everyone hated him. Just like Ironwheel. Ironwheel is kind of a nice guy in person, and he has everyone's best interest in heart. Thus, he is on the bottom of the Jerk-Hierarchy, so the rides resent his rule. You need to be a Grade A irredeemable piece of poo poo to have the respect and admiration of Amusement Park Between.

Also, JosephWongKS, Leek's use of the word situated is correct.

Mo_Steel
Mar 7, 2008

Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together

Fun Shoe

GrizzlyCow posted:

I'm telling you this place has a Jerk-Hierarchy. Rozrail was a bit of a jerk, but he was not a major rear end in a top hat, so everyone hated him. Just like Ironwheel. Ironwheel is kind of a nice guy in person, and he has everyone's best interest in heart. Thus, he is on the bottom of the Jerk-Hierarchy, so the rides resent his rule. You need to be a Grade A irredeemable piece of poo poo to have the respect and admiration of Amusement Park Between.

Also, JosephWongKS, Leek's use of the word situated is correct.

It's technically correct but it just comes across as clunky. "He then walked back to the tower and got situated" seems less of an issue because it reads less like "he walked to the tower and then he placed himself at the tower" and more like "he walked to the tower and settled in to watch the fight".

If I were to describe it from the first person, I would probably say I'm getting myself situated rather than situating myself. As a layman it flows better in my mind.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Geokinesis posted:

Can you turn concussion beams to ash?

Good question. Maybe concussion beams are literal "beams" of wood.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


JosephWongKS posted:

Good question. Maybe concussion beams are literal "beams" of wood.

The solution to logging -- a technology more advanced than any human's.

Antlerhill
Nov 6, 2012

Smellrose

Iced Cocoa posted:

The Deadly Ride

I tried my hand at a cover.




Iced Cocoa posted:

Is that a toilet plunger?

It's the base of my desk lamp. I didn't realize it looked like a plunger while I was painting it but now that you mention it it really does look like a plunger.

Antlerhill fucked around with this message at 14:23 on May 27, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Antlerhill posted:

I tried my hand at a cover.



Nice! I'll update those ebooks after work. Having too much trouble for some reason, maybe in few days.

Is that a toilet plunger?

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 19:32 on May 27, 2013

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Richard Black awoke slowly, gradually growing aware of himself and then of his senses. His memories filtered in first, back to front: he was Detective Black, Paranatural Department, worked for the police for nearly twenty years, married to Marsha Black for nearly fifteen, had a daughter named Sarah who was working her way through the first stages of adolescence. Tried for a son for years, but eventually gave up.

Black flinched as he remembered his last case. Railrunner, formerly Rodney Philips, had awakened to his true nature, a roller coaster train (of all things) and lost his sense of humanity in what Black considered record time, going on one rampage after another. Dozens died and well over a hundred were injured before Black and his FBI partner, Victor Captain, pieced together Railrunner's strengths and weaknesses: roller coaster trains were fast, strong, quiet when they had to be, regenerated quickly, and they could manipulate objects the same color as their paint job if given a focus; however, they were vulnerable to objects of foreign manufacture, and while they felt joy when they sensed fear, they felt fear when they sensed joy.

In the end, the knowledge had been too late for Black, whose stomach was ripped open when Railrunner escaped from police custody. Some healing Hoodoo powder saved him from dying on the spot, but the weight of his injuries overloaded the dust's magic, making the detective's last gasp only a matter of time. Realizing he was doomed, Black chose to confront Railrunner alone in Mystic Park, whose reflecting pool marked a boundary between Earth and the Park Beyond, home to amusement park attractions of all sorts. In his final moments, Black climbed across Railrunner's body to reach its head as the latter climbed a ferris wheel to shake him off. He grabbed its necklace focus to nullify its powers, then emptied half a magazine of Austrian-made bullets directly into its brain. Slipping as a wounded ankle reasserted itself, Richard Black fell from his perch down towards the pool below and knew no more.

And yet that couldn't have been the end, could it? Rick could still feel the weight of his own body. He could feel himself breathing. True, the pain was all mysteriously gone--even the knee which had been giving him trouble for years was finally quiet--but Black figured that whichever afterlife he'd reached would have been more punctual about announcing where he was. Aside from the amazing lack of pain, Black could feel a comfortable bed beneath him, although it seemed to use something besides springs. He could hear the occasional clink of earthenware pots knocking together and smelled a whiff of incense (something Eastern that Mars could have identified in a second but utterly mystified the detective) every time the wind rattled a set of shutters just over his head. And was that someone bustling around a kitchen table just then?

Taking a deep breath that turned into a yawn, Black finally opened his eyes and took a look around. What confronted him was utterly mystifying. The cottage he was in appeared to be carved from a single, massive tree, its peaked roof covered in rings that marked out the tree's age as much as they proved depth like contours on a map. The contents of the room looked exactly like how Black might have pictured a witch doctor's abode; mysterious jars, pots, and herbs covered every surface and dangled from every wall, appearing to serve as much use as decoration as for ingredients. The strangest thing, however, the thing which struck Black as the most off, was the telltale smoothness and sheen of plastic which covered nearly every object and surface.

Turning his head, Black spotted an elderly woman who was sipping from a large pot on an old-fashioned stove. The woman's hair was completely white and straight, tied into a ponytail, and she wore a simple white gown tied with a gold-flecked rope around her waist. Not a moment after looking, however, Black's psychic power took over and superimposed the image of a white pony with an elegant brass pole that emerged from between its shoulders.

Rick shook his head as the image faded away. Usually his telepathy only gave him the vague outline of a personality and a number of important features, like a person's (self-considered) name, loved ones, and unusual features they were particularly proud or anxious about. It also did so on this occasion: the woman's name was Beatrice La Blanc, she was warm and caring to such a fault that she lived alone to avoid being taken advantage of, and she was self-conscious regarding how much fancier Americans were compared to her. Oh, and if his psychic vision was to be believed, she was also a carousel horse.

Deciding to take things one at a time, Black coughed quietly to get the woman's attention. Beatrice turned, saw him looking at her, and cried, "Ah, so you're awake!" Black couldn't quite place her accent; she rolled vowels around in her mouth like French, but she bit into the hard consonants like German. "You certainly took your time," Beatrice continued as she resumed stirring her pot. "It has been, what, four, five days since you came over? You must have had much trouble on the other side. I have never seen a roller coaster suffer so much from his injuries."

"Roller coaster?" Black repeated.

"Yes. You do know that's what's carved into your focus, yes? You must have noticed the changes when you Awoke; I didn't have to try too very hard to supplement your natural healing. How long have you been Awake, exactly?"

Mistaking her meaning, Black replied, "Not long at all, actually."

"Really? Was there no one to explain your true nature? What happened to your contact, then? And how did you know what sort of portal to use?"

Black shifted on his bunk and felt a weight move across his chest. Holding it up to have a look, he realized that Beatrice had tied Railrunner's focus around his neck. Thinking back to his last moments before waking up, Black remembered that it had snapped off the roller coaster train's neck and was still in his hand as he fell into the reflecting pool--into the portal! Railrunner had called it a "key" before he had tried to murder Black; apparently it was a key that worked for whomever was holding it. Pondering the stylized roller coaster train carved into a crescent moon shape, Rick muttered, "You might say I just fell into it."

"Hmph! I should have a word with your contact, leaving you so clueless. Do you even know this world is called the Park Beyond? What about your true name, do you know that?"

Rick sat up, still amazed at just how effortless it was to do so, considering everything that had happened to his body over the past week. He watched Beatrice as she took one last sip from the pot and then took it off the stove. From what he was feeling from her, she would accept the truth, but she would need to hear every bit of it first. Thus, as Beatrice served her vegetable stew and the two ate, Black related everything that had happened and everything he had worked out about the situation. He explained who he really was, and why he had killed the creature who originally bore the amulet that was now around his neck.

Beatrice listened in silence and sat without moving for some time after Black had finished speaking. At last, she stood and walked to the door. "I need to think about this," she said as she opened the door. "Stay here for now." Beatrice closed the door behind her, leaving Black to wonder whether he really had made the right decision.

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012
Black is alive and kicking in Park Beyond :D In celebration of that, have an alternate book cover:

Jeek fucked around with this message at 04:35 on May 29, 2013

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




This is so much better than what it's based on :aaaaa:

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

Richard Black awoke slowly, gradually growing aware of himself and then of his senses. His memories filtered in first, back to front: he was Detective Black, Paranatural Department, worked for the police for nearly twenty years, married to Marsha Black for nearly fifteen, had a daughter named Sarah who was working her way through the first stages of adolescence. Tried for a son for years, but eventually gave up.

Paranatural?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 39 - Nightmares and Never Dreamscapes

quote:


For the last remaining hours of the day, it seemed like I had spoken to hundreds of rides. It felt as if I was a presidential canadate [sic], being bombarded by lots and answering numerous questions. I didn’t really mind, but I felt that I gave them witty and smart facts. I thought I had proven myself to many, proven I was capable of fulfilling my destiny, doing what I was made for.


Railrunner, notable speaker of “witty and smart facts” such as the following:

Chapter 11

“A roller coaster knows when one is rolling. As I asked before, how did you like it?”

“It was - unbelievable.”

“Yes a coaster is most powerful if it is one with the rails.”

“Interesting.”



Chapter 12

“Woody, how come I have a necklace?” I asked perplexed.

“Because you Rodney are a red roller coaster. They only come along after another dies. Reds are automatically destined for greatness. The Augu Ra has belonged to every red coaster there ever was, all the way back to the beginning.”

“Again, interesting.



Chapter 21

“The red is sought after to be killed by the Fallen or an evil sort. That is the reason why I and my troupe had to take you to the real world, so you wouldn’t die.”

“Bizarre, interesting, yet weird as all get out.” I replied.


Chapter 28

“That’s not just any old ordinary sword, Railrunner. That was the sword used by Moonblood. The sword that is said to hold a very powerful secret.”

“Cool.” I replied, it being the only response I could think of.



quote:


We walked among the empty streets of Zegria. The storm had ended and now there was nothing but the occasional raindrop that fell on your forehead. There seemed to be no activity going on, except for the great amount of rides that partied in local bars.


How can the streets be “empty” when this place has enough population to support a gladiatorial arena?


quote:


“What next?” I asked Merrylegs with a yawn.

“I think we should go to one of the hotels here and get a room. I am tired, plus I cannot see in the dark.”


Is there any institution in this “imaginative” world that isn’t directly cribbed from the “real world”?


quote:


“I agree with the tired part.” Static yawned. “It really has been a long day.”

“All right, what can we afford?”

“Shoot anything!” Merrylegs chuckled.

“Well, which is the nicest place? I don’t know any hotels here.” I laughed.


The entire city supports Railrunner, why not just stay the night at the home of one of his countless supporters?


quote:


“Might I suggest The Silver Spoke?” said a voice behind us. I turned to surprisingly see Rozrail. He was covered in bandages and had gashes all over him. He was a sorry sight.

“Look, I’m really sorry about -.”

“No need to apologize, Railrunner. My rear end deserved to get kicked. I am the one who should be apologizing. For the whole thing, being a complete jerk and all. You made me learn my lesson. I am NEVER fighting in the ring again, I am getting a real job.” He said.


“Everyone apologises to Railrunner for things which Railrunner should actually be the one apologizing for” seems to be a running theme in this story.


quote:


I started to doubt him, I began to read the truth like I did with Clare, turned out he wasn’t kidding.

“You are forgiven, Rozrail.”

“Thank you.”


:negative:



quote:


“Now, what hotel did you say again?” I asked.

“The Silver Spoke. Really classy place. Beautiful rooms with a view, really splendid restaurant bar and drinking bar. Everything you could want is there.”

“How much is it?”

“With all your money you earned, you can afford pretty much any room. I suggest the penthouse suite.”

“Is that expensive?”

“Not for you, it is about six hundred g’s. That is only a teeny bit of what you have.”


Why is Railrunner even concerned about money anyway? Doesn’t he still have that bag of gold he plundered from the Temple?

Also, a single bottle of “Red C” in Trenzon, a much smaller town, cost 6 g’s (Chapter 21). A night in a penthouse suite in the best hotel in Zegria, a large city, costs only 100 times as much as that. This place has a really screwed-up economy.


quote:


“Okay then, Silver Spoke it is.”

“It is just straight ahead, Railrunner. It sort of sticks out like a sore thumb. Big stone building with the fountain in front.”


I’ve mentioned it before, but this “technologically advanced” society still uses stone for its buildings.


quote:


“Thanks Rozrail.”

“Don’t mention it. Oh, and I am really happy to see the red has returned. I’m rooting for you all the way.”

“Thank you, hope you have a nice evening Rozrail.”

“You too. Good night to all of you.”

The Silver Spoke was at the end of the street just as Rozrail had said. It was large indeed, about the size of a skyscraper in New York. The hotel was very different from the rest of the buildings in Zegria. It was stone, but had a hint of woodland style. The Silver Spoke looked to be about thirty stories, that was probably not much in the real world, but here everything was super sized.


What the hell is a “woodland style” building?


quote:


A large perimeter fence surrounded the beautiful hotel. At the very front was the gate, a “bellboy” that stood there letting rides inside the walls. I gulped as we made our way to it. The bellboy suddenly snapped his head up. He looked at me like everyone else did, shocked. He blinked his eyes several times trying to take it all in. Then he opened the gate and bowed.


Enough of fellating Railrunner already!


quote:


I smiled to him as we passed through. Then I turned to Merrylegs.

“I HATE it when everyone does that!” I hastily whispered.

“Why? You actually don’t like rides bowing for you?” she said to me.

“No, I don’t like it because I don’t feel special. I’m just like every coaster here, except for a different color.”


Railrunner is not like every coaster there – he’s the only sociopathic mass-murderer among them.


quote:


“Railrunner I don’t think you understand fully.” Merrylegs spoke up.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You were created differently than any ride here. You are of the most pure form, the quintessence of the rides. Railrunner you are a combination of real blood and the spirit of Amusement Park Between itself.”

“Weird,” I sighed.


Another trademark “smart and witty” response from Railrunner.

Also, 60th sigh of the book.


quote:


Merrylegs rolled her eyes, and then something dawned on me. “Merrylegs! How did you know how I was created!” I whispered.

“Thunderbark.”

“Why did he tell you!”

“He did not mean to. Thunderbark got a little out of his head when you bit him.”

“Oh, does Static know?”

“I don’t think so. He wasn’t around when he said it.” She replied

“All right.” I sighed.


61st sigh of the book.


quote:


“ Whelp, guess we should head in.”

I nodded in reply. To tell the truth I was glad that only Merrylegs knew about me, Static wasn’t all that good at keeping things to himself.


“Static wasn’t all that good at keeping things to himself,” said the rear end in a top hat who gave away their position to “the BIGGEST earth shattering roar I had ever heard” which “echoed all through Amusement Park Between”, revealed himself as a red roller-coaster to a random bartender whom he’s never met before, and decided that the best way to earn money discreetly was to take part in a high-profile gladiatorial match.


quote:


The Silver Spoke’s lobby was just as grand as the outside, the log cabin theme continuing into the interior.


Ah, so “woodland style” means “log cabin”. Only a writer of Miranda Leek’s talent would have drawn that connection.


quote:


All of us walked up to the reception desk where a bright hot pink carousel horse stood scanning over files. Merrylegs cleared her throat making her look up.

“Oh I’m sorry -.” she trailed off as she looked at me. “Oh my goodness! Don’t even bother paying! What room would you like great red?”


Why is absolutely no one in this city afraid of Ironwheel’s reprisal actions against them for granting shelter to the renegade Railrunner?


quote:


“I guess the penthouse suite, friend of mine said it was nice.” I said rubbing my neck.

“Penthouse it is!” she announced, handing us a little round sphere with a blue button in the middle.

“Thank you.” Merrylegs said taking it from her. I then began to walk in the opposite direction they did.

“Railrunner where are you going?” Merrylegs demanded.

“The fun zone.”

“And where is that?” She demanded, raising her eyebrows.

“There were three words that jumped out at me. Bar and restaurant bar. Besides I haven’t eaten all day. I can bring you both something up later.” I smiled charitably.


Speaks volumes of Railrunner that a simple act of bringing food back for his companions is an act of “charity”.


quote:


“Fine, I’ll have a salad.” She said walking into the elevator that was as big as a house. I then turned around and headed for what I considered a jollity.


“Jollity”.


quote:



About four hours later, I began to walk back to the room. I held Merrylegs’s salad in one set of wheels and Static something in the opposite.


Gosh is Railrunner ever a selfish bastard. He keeps his companions waiting FOUR HOURS for their food, and considers it a “charitable act” he’s doing.


quote:


I halfway hid a bottle behind my back. During the period of time that I spent down there, I drank and ate to a full extent. I could never get sick, so I didn’t really care.


Why even bother drinking alcohol if he can’t get drunk?

quote:


I made it up to the thirtieth floor with ease. The penthouse suite wasn’t hard to find. It had big brass doors and it was labeled like every room here. I did not have the key so I gently knocked in case they were both asleep. Merrylegs finally opened the door after several seconds. She looked like she had been sleeping because her hair was a “rat’s nest” and her eyelids were heavy.

“Where in the world have you been!” she whispered angrily.

“I was eating.” I replied in a tone just above a pin drop.

“You were drinking, too.” She said as she spied the bottle I hid.


And why does Railrunner need to “hide” the bottle if he can’t get drunk anyway and therefore has no potential shame or embarrassment from being known as a drinker? Not that Railrunner ever feels shame or embarrassment for anything he does anyway, that scumbag murderer.


quote:


“Fine you caught me, but I brought you a salad. I had no idea what Static likes, so I got him a variety of things.”


Railrunner’s been with Static for weeks (during his training at the Temple), and he still doesn’t know what Static eats.


quote:


“Thank you,” she said as I entered and placed the dish on a nearby table. Static lay on the rug in the center of the sitting area. His cable lying flat on the floor, twitching occasionally. Merrylegs had been lying in the other bed clearly because of the ruffled sheets.


Oh gods, is this going to lead a sex scene between Railrunner and Merrylegs? It is, isn’t it? :ohdear:


quote:


I flopped down onto the large empty bed that overlooked the balcony. I rolled over onto my side, burping deeply in my throat as I did.


How do you even burp “in your throat”?


quote:


“Sorry.” I said to Merrylegs. “Excuse me for that one.”

“Its fine, I don’t blame you.” She said after swallowing a bite of salad. “I do admire the fact that you actually used your manners. Its [sic] like you never do.”


“Minded your manners” =/= “Used your manners”.


quote:


“Very funny, Merrylegs.” I said rolling over onto my back.


Do we really need to know in detail that Railrunner first rolled over onto his side before rolling over onto his back?



quote:


“Har har. Well, good night Railrunner.”

“Night.”

I stared at the ceiling for a brief moment. I went over plans and events secretly in my head. I thought about things that I had on my mind for weeks and days. Such as Thunderbark and Clare. Then my eyes got heavy, eventually closing all together.

I stood there in the never-ending blackness. Blood poured from the sky as rain. Blood ran like a stream, bubbling at my wheels. I looked around in a panic. Where was I? Why was I in this horrid place! I tried to run, but yet again my legs felt like lead. Clare’s screams rang out in the darkness. I shouted her name. For the first time she responded by yelling mine. Her voice only made me run faster.

The further I ran, the more blood there was. I stopped when I saw Ironwheel’s obvious figure.


Railrunner’s never even seen Ironwheel.


quote:


I felt myself gasp when I saw Clare lying limp in his arms. She suddenly looked over to me, and held out her hand pleading for help. A ripping snarl sounded through my barred fangs. Then I lunged, roaring in pure rage.


Again, so far in this entire book Railrunner has been the only creature who actually endangered Clare’s life. Not the police, not the FBI, not the Fallen, not Ironwheel.


quote:


I woke up to see that Merrylegs and Static stood over me. I was shaking horribly. Sweat coated my metal and leather. I sat up with labor like breathing.


This implies there are sweat pores in on his metal skin and leather seats, which is just utterly disgusting.


quote:


“Railrunner! Are you all right!”

“I guess - so. I’m not totally sure. I had one of those drat nightmares.” I wheezed.

“You gave me such a scare! You looked like a human having a seizure!” Static said alarmed.

“It was the same topic wasn’t it?” Merrylegs asked concerned.

“Yes.” I said finally catching my breath. “ Only this time this one was intense. I think they might be getting worse.”

“They could be. I wish Thunderbark was here, he would know more about it than I would.”

“That’s the problem, he was still puzzled on them the last time we spoke about it.” I said sitting up.

“I don’t quite know what to think; of course I’m not a roller coaster either.”

I gritted my teeth as I carefully stood. I was dizzy, really dizzy. I felt the room spinning, images were mirrored. Gravity felt disrupted.


Oh, gravity had been disrupted a long time ago, ever since Railrunner and Thunderbark started “descending upwards”.


quote:


I grabbed a glass of water that stood upon a table. I took long gulps, and hunched over against the couch. When the dizziness passed, I walked out onto the balcony for some fresh air.

“You okay now?” Merrylegs asked me.

“Yes, I guess. That was the worst dream I think I’ve had so far. It felt so -real.”

“Hmmm -maybe there is something within your book that says some information on these horrid dreams.”

“You know about the book too!”

“Yep, Thunderbark again.”

“You might be right Merrylegs. I’ll catch up on my reading. When should we head out?”

“As soon as the sun rises. That way you’re not bombarded. Or bowed at.” She giggled.

“Again, very funny Merrylegs.”


What a relief – no Railrunner-Merrylegs sex scene.

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009

JosephWongKS posted:

Railrunner’s been with Static for weeks (during his training at the Temple), and he still doesn’t know what Static eats.
It's not that Railrunner doesn't know what Static eats, it's that Mirana doesn't know what Static eats.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


He lies down on the bed? On his side? And rolls onto his back? Isn't he a roller coaster? How would you do that?

Also, he drinks some water. Again - roller coaster. One glass of water hydrates a human, and he's... 100 times the weight.

Voltin Bolt
Oct 17, 2004

IT DOES NOT FIX
All of the drawings and descriptions treating the rides like anthropomorphic biped creatures really makes me think of the countless deviantART OCs with fuckoff huge wings which are optional / don't appear in shapeshifted forms / retractable / can be made invisible because they're too hard to account for. Don't design a character with a bunch of ostentatious bullshit details if you're not going to stick to it! :argh:

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.
College Slice
So, I'm taking it that, in this entire city, there are absolutely no Ironwheel sympathizers or Fallen spies in disguise? Heck, we've seen how effective "disguises" are in Amusement Park Between; just be wearing practically anything, and nobody can tell your color! That dark-colored bumper car over in the corner? He's wearing a hat, no way he could be a Fallen. That gray roller coaster with a metric ton of scars and a hateful look as he passes by? Well his vest's blue, surely he's a good guy.

Also "canadate". I'm pretty certain that one gave me temporary brain damage, because I could not remember how to actually spell that word right for a time, I was so distressed.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Voltin Bolt posted:

All of the drawings and descriptions treating the rides like anthropomorphic biped creatures really makes me think of the countless deviantART OCs with fuckoff huge wings which are optional / don't appear in shapeshifted forms / retractable / can be made invisible because they're too hard to account for. Don't design a character with a bunch of ostentatious bullshit details if you're not going to stick to it! :argh:

This is why I actually prefer her older art, not only does it not have that much human anatomy where it doesn't belong, but in most shots the rest of the bodies were doing at least something. Not disappearing or floating off in the distance or sitting down in chairs where it isn't possible.

But of course:

Miranda Leek posted:

Like I said, I HATE my old art and I've practiced Twisted's characters enough to where I can draw them as I imagined them.

Apparently she has always imagined them as humanoid bipedal creatures who have tail that's doing gently caress-all.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

JosephWongKS posted:

“Everyone apologises to Railrunner for things which Railrunner should actually be the one apologizing for” seems to be a running theme in this story.

Oh, that's just a running characteristic of Mary Sues. If there is a conflict between the main character and anyone who doesn't deserve to immediately die, the other person will be the one to apologize regardless of why or how the conflict started or went.

I eventually dropped the idea, but for a while I considered giving Railrunner "MS syndrome." Those with MS are always arrogant, self-centered, and worst of all gain and lose powers however the situation demands. MS victims are the most dangerous of enemies the FBI's Paranormal Section face.

quote:

Why even bother drinking alcohol if he can’t get drunk?

Because Miranda was 17 at the time.

quote:

What a relief – no Railrunner-Merrylegs sex scene.

If I'm right about her background, I somewhat doubt we'll even see one between Railrunner and Clare.

quote:

I sat up with labor like breathing.

I'm surprised you missed this one. It stuck itself right in my head.

sturgeon general
Jun 27, 2005

Smells like sushi.
I like how this entire section of the book is basically a lovely JRPG:
  • every town has an inn, pub, and item shop
  • every town has an apparent population of less than 30 (except in a fighting tournament)
  • the world currency is "G's"
  • the characters have to take a boat to different areas
  • the main character enters a fighting tournament
  • a secret temple holds conveniently plot-relevant poo poo for the party (well, just the main character)
  • the villain just sits in his lair plotting, and only comes up when it's relevant to the story
  • everyone has plot armor except when the villain kidnaps the white roller coaster

Of course the entire story is still a shallow vehicle (heh) for Miranda's roller coaster fetish. Tales of Coasters.

sturgeon general fucked around with this message at 16:06 on May 29, 2013

attackbunny
May 1, 2009
Oh oh oh I'm so hoping Black teams up with Ironwheel and Freakshow to form a designated villain coalition and also a giant robot. That would be so cool.

Though really whatever Bobbin does is going to be cool.

quote:

“Shoot anything!” Merrylegs chuckled.
Merrylegs, Railrunner doesn't need to be told to shoot things.

quote:

“I don’t quite know what to think; of course I’m not a roller coaster either.”
"-and therefore I'm not allowed to think anyway."

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

erotic dad posted:

Of course the entire story is still a shallow vehicle (heh) for Miranda's roller coaster fetish. Tales of Coasters.

Rodney's vicinity IS a Destruction Field, after all.

TombsGrave
Feb 15, 2008

Seriously, why the hell is the Amusement Park Between nothing like an amusement park and everything like a boring fantasy novel/Z-grade RPG. Just off the top of my head, here are five things that would make the Amusement Park Between less boring:

* The currency they use: tickets, the kind you get to attend rides or win prizes. Costs are horrendously and artificially inflated to ensure only the select few can afford decent stuff. See, see, it's both like an actual amusement park and also it's like satire!

* All the scenery is either obviously crappy and fake (like 2D, painted wooden "trees") or like it's airbrushed on the side of a carnival ride (distorted and amateurish or "side of a van" overblown and epic).

* Food is carnival/amusement park food--turkey legs, corn dogs, deep fried twinkies--which while incredibly unhealthy for humans is everything that a park ride needs to fuel up (because of all the calories you see). This may also be satire.

* Giant ominous roller coaster tracks everywhere. Roller coasters can use them to travel from place to place incredibly fast. This gives gives Ironwheel and his cronies a way to check up on his dominion and lay down the law, and also forces Ostensible Protagonist and Obi-Wan the choice between either traveling place to place rapidly at the risk of being caught, or laying low and traveling slowly at the risk of letting Ironwheel get away with his dastardly schemes. Note that Ironwheel will require dastardly schemes in the first place.

* Towns and buildings are all in the style of amusement park attractions, like haunted houses, petting zoos, and expo rooms for tiny local businesses.

Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings
Someone should consider getting Ulillillia and Miranda in touch. They seem like they share a lot of common interests.

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012

JosephWongKS posted:

Why even bother drinking alcohol if he can’t get drunk?
I do drink homemade infusion because it's delicious and dilute it with water so that I won't get drunk.

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I eventually dropped the idea, but for a while I considered giving Railrunner "MS syndrome." Those with MS are always arrogant, self-centered, and worst of all gain and lose powers however the situation demands. MS victims are the most dangerous of enemies the FBI's Paranormal Section face.
Isn't Black on the Paranatural department?

Cuntpunch posted:

Someone should consider getting Ulillillia and Miranda in touch. They seem like they share a lot of common interests.
Don't you dare compare this wretch to the most endearing OCD patient on the internet. :mad:

Jeek fucked around with this message at 01:38 on May 30, 2013

Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings

Jeek posted:

Don't you dare compare this wretch to the most endearing OCD patient on the internet. :mad:

But they both share this amazing interest in trying to shoehorn JRPG logic into everything.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Jeek posted:

Isn't Black on the Paranatural department?

Yes, but the FBI's division is called Paranormal Activities, and Mary Sues are a national threat.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 40 – Pirates
Part 1

quote:


At twilight we left the Silver Spoke just as decided the night before.


One chapter ago, in Chapter 39:

When should we head out?”

“As soon as the sun rises. That way you’re not bombarded. Or bowed at.” She giggled.



Is there some dictionary or thesaurus found in Tennessee which defines “twilight” as “as soon as the sun rises”?


quote:


Railrunner seemed to be much better than he was last night. I had to agree with him, the frequent nightmares were getting worse. I just wish there was something I could do for him to ease his suffering.

We currently were deep in the forest once again. All of us had settled down to enjoy breakfast, a meal that Railrunner had taken from the bar before we left. I silently ate my fresh salad and secretly glancing at my two counterparts. Static was a messy eater as always, not bothering to use any manners of any kind.


The characters in this book seem to be constantly bothered by picayune matters of etiquette, and to be utterly unconcerned about sociopathic acts of murder and destruction. Is there a word to describe this kind of moral myopia?


quote:


Railrunner however, was not eating. Was it possible that his nightmare still bothered him?

“Aren’t you eating?” I asked him.

He laughed one of those belly laughs like Thunderbark used to do; Railrunner then patted his stomach and smiled.

“Hell, I ate so much last night, I forgot to leave room for breakfast!” he said grinning with all of his snow-white teeth showing.

I laughed a little in response. Could I have been wrong? Did he not care about his dream anymore? I bent back down to take a nibble, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Railrunner reaching into the bag and pulling out the book slightly. He then sighed quietly to himself and slid the book back. Now I knew he was hiding all of his tension. He was indeed still worried.


62nd sigh of the book.


quote:


+ + +

I was still hooked on that stupid dream that I had the night before. I looked down to try and forget the whole thing. I stared at my stomach; I pictured it being ballooned out due to how much food I consumed yesterday. Oddly it was normal, flat. Maybe roller coasters didn’t get fat neither. That was a plus.


That’s possibly the most Mary Sue of all Mary Sue powers.


quote:


Sadly that attempt to rid my mind of the previous night did not work.


One could say that Railrunner has already gotten rid of his mind ever since he discovered his roller-coaster heritage.



quote:


I looked at Merrylegs and Static. I was so eager to know what secrets were hidden in the book. Then I had an idea how to unlock them. I stood up slowly; Merrylegs stopped eating and paused to look at me.
“Where are you going?” she said smiling.

“Oh, I’m just heading to the river to get some fresh water. It’s not very far from here, so I won’t be long.” I said lying.

“Okay then. Hurry back.”

When she looked away, I picked up the bag that contained the book. Then I quietly made my way into the dense vegetation. Thorns and leaves brushed my metal hide. Vines snagged my restraints over and over again. I pulled out the sword and began cutting like an explorer.


Why does Railrunner need the McGuffin Sword to cut through vegetation? Doesn’t he already have razor-sharp claws?

At least Miranda Leek hasn’t forgotten about the McGuffin Sword. On the other hand, it seems like she hasn’t figured out what powers it has, since it’s just being used as a machete.


quote:


After slicing my way through the jungle like area, I found a nice peaceful spot upon a rock that overlooked a lily-covered pond. I put the sword back into place, and then lied down on the huge stone. I sighed as I opened the book and began to thumb through its yellow pages.


63rd sigh of the book.

I hereby nominate this for the most inappropriate sigh of the book.


quote:


My eyes skimmed each section. Finally I came upon the part on Redrail. I began to read every paragraph. Most of the section told about Redrail’s life. How she was the first female red out of the cycle. Then at the end of the section, there was a paragraph on the dreams that both her and I had. Those dreaded nightmares that caused me pain and mental suffering. I began to read:

Redrail is the only known red to have strange nightmares that were of the same thing each night. Ones that caused mysterious pain that could not be explained. There is not much I know about them. The following information is for any future red that may experience this strange gift.

I tried to read Redrail’s journal to find out more, but unfortunately she set it ablaze long ago. However, I was able to recover a single page from it. It shocked me on how bad the nightmares would become. She would get dizzy, having throbbing migraines, and run a scorching temperature. In some of the most extreme cases, she would pass out or even go into a coma!

Also for any red that has this, Redrail did write down an antidote to bring her back to normal if her condition went too far. She would drink...

I was sure as hell I didn’t see that last word coming.

Blood.

That was the last thing that I would have thought of. Of all things! I didn’t have a problem with drinking it.


I suppose there’s a certain logic in going from figuratively blood-thirsty to literally blood-thirsty.


quote:


Just a problem of where to get it from. I couldn’t drink the blood of the innocent! That was nonsensical!


Tell that to all the widows, widowers and orphans of the police officers and FBI agents Railrunner killed.



quote:


I only seeked [sic] the blood of the enemy!

At the beginning of my new life, tasting blood seemed like a delicacy. Now it was nowhere near civil! I was made to protect Amusement Park Between. I couldn’t rob blood from any ride that supported me!


Sure he can. He’s threatened to kill just about every amusement park character he’s met so far, up to and including his own companions Merrylegs and Static.


quote:


Sure I could drink the blood of the Fallen, but what if I had one of the extreme nightmares that could make me black out? Or put me in a coma? What if there wasn’t any Fallen blood at my disposal? I could get blood from one of the animals here, but that would require hunting. I had to figure something out; I did not want to be labeled as “bloodsucker”, “vampire”, “beast”, or the worst one, “monster”.


Infinite :ironicat:


quote:


Wait a minute; did it have to be fresh blood? Or could it be blood that was saved? I had an idea, next time I took a Fallen down, I would gather its blood, afraid it would come in handy. That was now on the list of things to do. Like rescue everyone from a ruler’s dictatorship.


Miranda Leek goes on and on about the iron-fistedwheeled rule of Ironwheel, but we are half-way through the story and we have yet to see a single act of actual oppression by Ironwheel.


quote:


Suddenly a petrifying neigh sounded in alarm. I easily recognized it as Merrylegs. I gathered my belongings in a flash, and then made a beeline for our camp. I ran silently, moving like a ninja.


Someone please draw a picture of Railrunner “moving like a ninja”.


quote:


Then suddenly Merrylegs met me face to face.

“We are being robbed!”

“What! By who!”

“They are called pirates! They support neither Ironwheel nor the Amusement Park Between alliances. They steal and do bad for their own benefit!”


“Do bad for their own benefit" is not something that has ever been said by anyone ever.


quote:


“How many are there, and what are we dealing with?”

“There are six. Two carousel horses, a go cart, two kiddie planes, and a roller coaster!”

“Figures.”

“What should we do?” she said in a fury.

“Get them. They have something I want.” I growled.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let’s say I caught up on my reading.” I said as Static joined us. We snuck up to our site, peeking through the leaves of bushes. The thugs were ransacking the area, taking everything, including our money. We charged forward at once, rearing on our hindquarters.


Static doesn’t even have “hindquarters”.


quote:


Static hissed and sent sparks off his cable. Merrylegs reared back with her nostrils flaring and her legs flaying. [sic] I retracted my claws and barred [sic] my teeth, then roared a powerful threatening roar.

The intruders looked up. Their leader, the green and yellow roller coaster, saw me and signaled his fleet to retreat. In his hand he held the bag of g’s, rage build up within as I charged for him, and then the chase started.

Merrylegs went for the go-cart as Static went after the carousel horses. The wooden coaster was not that fast, his build made him slower than a speedy steel. I soon caught up to him, when I got the chance I tackled him like a lion. The two of us rolled over in the fallen leaves. Then we broke apart and stood opposite from each other.


So far Railrunner’s been like a “dragon” and a “ninja”, and now he’s a “lion”, and at the end of this chapter he’ll also be a “wolf”. Why didn’t Miranda Leek just write a vanilla furry story (to the extent that there’s such a thing as a “vanilla” furry story)? At least then all the references to craving meat and blood and hunting wouldn’t seem utterly loving ridiculous.


quote:


“Har! A red! Where have you been for the last three and a half decades?” He laughed.

His question caught me by surprise.

“In another world, but now I am protecting this one, from the likes of you.” I retorted.

“Oh, that is harsh.” He smirked.

“I want my money and I want something else to.[sic]

“You can’t have what’s finder’s keepers, and what is that other thing?”

I laughed, kind of like I did when I did not have control.

“Your blood!” I said lunging for him. My teeth sunk deep, his blood pouring into my mouth. Trashing [sic] and bashing, mauling each other like fighting wolves. The forest seemed to spin under me.


So much for “I did not want to be labeled as “bloodsucker”, “vampire”, “beast”, or the worst one, “monster”.”

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 09:33 on May 30, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

I knew that Miranda never finished on a cliffhanger like this one, so I checked and yes, this is not the end of that chapter. Dunno what went wrong, so have the picture from that chapter that comes after this the last paragraph posted:



No higher picture quality on her site or the kindle copy unfortunately.

And here's the vampire angle on this story.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:

I knew that Miranda never finished on a cliffhanger like this one, so I checked and yes, this is not the end of that chapter. Dunno what went wrong, so have the picture from that chapter that comes after this the last paragraph posted:



I'd forgotten to add the "Part 1" after the chapter number. I've edited it in already. Thanks!

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008
Maybe twilight being when the sun rises is because this is a world from the most imaginative mind?

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012

quote:

Merrylegs reared back with her nostrils flaring and her legs flaying.

That is an interesting mental image.

GrizzlyCow
May 30, 2011

JosephWongKS posted:

Is there some dictionary or thesaurus found in Tennessee which defines “twilight” as “as soon as the sun rises”?

Checkmate.

attackbunny
May 1, 2009
I just wish there was something I could do for him to ease his suffering. loving hell, Merrylegs. He's repeatedly threatened to kill you.


quote:

Redrail is the only known red to have strange nightmares that were of the same thing each night. Ones that caused mysterious pain that could not be explained. There is not much I know about them. The following information is for any future red that may experience this strange gift.

I tried to read Redrail’s journal to find out more, but unfortunately she set it ablaze long ago. However, I was able to recover a single page from it. It shocked me on how bad the nightmares would become. She would get dizzy, having throbbing migraines, and run a scorching temperature. In some of the most extreme cases, she would pass out or even go into a coma!

Also for any red that has this, Redrail did write down an antidote to bring her back to normal if her condition went too far. She would drink...

I was sure as hell I didn’t see that last word coming.

Blood.
The notion that anyone would write about Redrail's visions and haemophagy out of sheer historical interest or just to inform the public that she was a bloodsucking monster is laughable. It's entirely for the benefit of any future red who might happen to read this book!

quote:

I had to figure something out; I did not want to be labeled as “bloodsucker”, “vampire”, “beast”, or the worst one, “monster”.

JosephWongKS posted:

So much for “I did not want to be labeled as “bloodsucker”, “vampire”, “beast”, or the worst one, “monster”.”
Nah, it's fine. Railrunner's okay with being a bloodsucking vampiric bestial monster. He just doesn't want to be called a bloodsucking vampiric bestial monster, because that would hurt his precious feefees.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

JosephWongKS posted:

Is there some dictionary or thesaurus found in Tennessee which defines “twilight” as “as soon as the sun rises”?

"Twilight" originally referred to a specific light level between day and night, and it's still used as such on occasion. When using it to refer to a time of day that isn't in the evening, however, it's archaic at best. So yes, Roget strikes again.

Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings

attackbunny posted:

I just wish there was something I could do for him to ease his suffering. loving hell, Merrylegs. He's repeatedly threatened to kill you.
The notion that anyone would write about Redrail's visions and haemophagy out of sheer historical interest or just to inform the public that she was a bloodsucking monster is laughable. It's entirely for the benefit of any future red who might happen to read this book!

It's also amusing that from the narrator's perspective, we're talking about serious pain for no apparent benefit and with no clear cure. But we're going to call this a gift anyway!

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Richard Black's watch was missing, and so he had no way of telling just how long his host was gone. The shadows had perceptively moved across the walls before Beatrice returned, however. Seeing that he hadn't moved from the table, she took a seat across from him, took a deep breath, and began.

"I will start by explaining what a contact would have told you if you had been one of us. As you know, amusement rides don't last forever. Sometimes they break or fall apart, and sometimes their popularity dies away. Sometimes, however, if a ride was very popular and very well loved in its heyday, they don't simply rot away in storage. Sometimes the magic of love touches them and gives them a living form.

"This bit of magic isn't quite enough, however. The rides are given a human form and have the chance to experience life in a way they never could have imagined, but they still feel lonely and abandoned. They can never quite fit in the way humans do among each other." Beatrice's eyes wandered away from Rick as she spoke, reliving her own memories. "No one knows who first discovered the Park Beyond, or how he reached it. The foci are made in this world, are a part of it, and they are needed to make the trip. Perhaps there are other, more difficult ways across, or perhaps he created this world himself. However it happened, he became the first contact. He made many trips into your world to find others like him, like us. He told us what we really were and how to Awaken into our powers, and he brought us here to live in peace. Some stayed here permanently, but others joined his efforts. I myself worked as a contact for ten years. I still watch one of the portals for newcomers, which is where I found you.

"Finding newcomers on their own isn't that rare. Not every contact is as serious about their job as they should be, and sometimes they have to deal with multiple cases at once. Animatrons are usually found in groups, for instance, and carousel horses always herd together." Beatrice smirked at a private memory. "Still, I thought you seemed odd when I saw the focus in your hand; roller coasters are never in groups of more than half a dozen, are more often solitary, and they can be very temperamental, so any contact would have to be very careful when dealing with one. And then there's the matter of Thunderbolt's rebellion."

"Thunderbolt's rebellion?" Black asked.

"Yes. There are two major types of ride in the Park Beyond: gentle rides and thrill rides. Gentle rides like myself are generally peaceful and kind, but thrill rides are aggressive and domineering. So long as the Park Beyond has existed, it has been controlled by one thrill ride or another. Normally this isn't so bad; they push around the lesser rides when they show up, but they usually spend their time fighting with other thrill rides. They all seem to enjoy it, but that all changed when Iron Raptor appeared.

"You said you already know that roller coasters can control things the same color as their skin, yes?" Black nodded. After Railrunner tore his stomach open with his own red blood, how could he ever forget? "Iron Raptor is black. Color is such a subjective thing, isn't it? Not everyone can see every color. Colors can also change with the lighting; something that's red under the sun may be closer to purple in florescent light. But everything is black at night.

"At first, Raptor spent his time in a cave, bothering no one. After some time, however, he realized what his powers could do and he made raids into towns and cities under the cover of darkness. After enough success, he drew others to him, others who had powers that worked well in the day. He deposed the last ruler by challenging her to single combat and then having one of his allies cover the field in darkness.

"Gentle rides didn't think much of this at the time; as I said, the struggle between thrill rides is constant. But Iron Raptor had some different ideas on how things should work. Power wasn't enough for him: he wanted control. That meant having to do everything just the way he said, to pay him respects and give him gifts every single day. Maybe taxes are eternal in the human world, but here there is no need. The Park Beyond provides us with everything we could want; food, shelter, places to play...commerce is more a matter of habit and courtesy than a necessity. For Iron Raptor, though, the having isn't enough. He wants to take."

"So...Thunderbolt's rebellion?"

"One of the other roller coasters has organized a resistance force against Iron Raptor's rule. I am...well, sort of a part of it. The portal I watch is unknown to Raptor's followers, so Thunderbolt has been using it to gather recruits from the human world. Most recently he told me about a very promising new recruit, a red coaster whose power might even rival Iron Raptor's. Even when fully in our ride forms, we have some organic parts hidden away, and the blood that flows through them is always red."

"And then I went and killed him, didn't I?"

"You did. By the sound of things, you may have done us a favor. I have never, not ever heard of any ride doing in your world what Railrunner did! Not even other roller coasters acted so poorly when they Awakened. I doubt his rule would have been much better than Iron Raptor's."

"I doubt he would have won a straight-up fight, either. Railrunner's seats were black," Rick added.

"Still, you've left us one savior short, and you have somehow arrived in his place. Did you know you are the first human to lay eyes on the Park Beyond? Perhaps you can do what we cannot. Perhaps you can defeat Iron Raptor for us."

Black began to shake his head. "Listen, maybe you all aren't as bloodthirsty as Railrunner was, but this isn't my fight. I have a wife and child back home, and I'm sure they'll want to know that I'm still alive! Now, something I can do is contact the FBI when I get back and explain the situation to them. I'm sure there's something they could send to help out--"

Beatrice slammed the table. "No! You are the one who took Railrunner's life, it is only fitting that you should take his place. If you succeed, you will have made up for your actions. If you die, you will have traded a life for a life."

"What about all those people Railrunner killed?" Black argued.

Beatrice folded her arms. "Killing does not justify killing."

Black sighed. Apparently, being a gentle ride meant not knowing why sometimes a life must be taken. "So what's going to stop me from saying yes for now and then just going back on my own?"

"I won't tell you where to dive. You'll understand when you leave."

Rick was prepared to argue the point, but he sensed a strong conviction from Beatrice that her noncooperation would be enough. "Fine. So let's say I do help you folks out. How would I go about doing that?"

"You should seek out Thunderbolt first and explain what happened. There's a town ten miles to the southwest where he's likely expecting Railrunner to show up. Look for either an old man with a thick, white mustache or a long white roller coaster."

"White?" Black muttered. The security cameras at the county jail had been malfunctioning just before Railrunner escaped, and what other color would they have been painted? He'd known Railrunner had confederates when a yellow carousel horse rescued his girlfriend from his second rampage, but the new information went a ways toward explaining some of the inconsistencies.

"If you're ready to leave, your clothes and things are there by the door," Beatrice gestured. Rick smiled, glad to finally wear something beyond his torn and somewhat stained underclothes. Examining his Glock, he saw that the gun was still empty, having spent its full capacity on Railrunner's final stand. He checked his jacket pockets next, and a wave of relief came over him as he felt the handfuls of shrunken magazines and regrowth patches right where he left them. The first seventeen bullets might have proven to be enough, but Black had prepared for the encounter by convincing a mage friend to shrink boxes' worth of ammunition ahead of time, ammunition he needed now more than ever.

As he buttoned up his shirt, Black said, "So if you don't mind me asking, how come you're in human form if you're really a wooden carousel horse?"

Beatrice's eyes widened. "When did I tell you what I was? Well, I suppose I must have given it away at some point. As for why I'm human right now, that's an easy question to answer." She smiled as she held up her hand and wiggled her fingers. "Making soup isn't all that easy when all you have are hooves. Now if I can ask you a question, how did you regenerate so well from your injuries if you're really just a human?"

Black opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. The last he knew about his injuries was that he had overdosed on the healing powder that was keeping him going in order to combat his evisceration. Between the overdose and the lethality of his combined injuries, the powder started to act erratically, and its failure at a crucial moment was what led to him falling into the reflecting pool and ending up in the Park Beyond. According to Beatrice, it took him four days to recover--far too slow if the Hoodoo powder had become permanent, but far, far too fast if his healing had been natural. But then she also said she supplemented the healing somehow, perhaps with some spell or enchanted herb native to the new world? Magic was an unpredictable force even at the best of times, and mixing spells was always a dangerous idea.

Still, Rick supposed he should be thankful that it saved his life in this instance, even if he had no idea what other consequences might yet be to come. "Just a bit of magic and some awfully good luck," he answered.

"Then I hope for all our sakes your luck will continue," Beatrice responded, opening the door as Black tied his shoes. "To be a human in a world full of amusement rides...I think you'll need it."

Bobbin Threadbare fucked around with this message at 21:38 on May 30, 2013

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


Railrunner is The Hero, right? Because "drinking blood of your enemies" is generally a villainous quality.


Now see? He sounds like a villain. Control everything covered in black and darkness by casting a shadow over a battlefield. Clever and villainous. Very good qualities. We haven't even met the guy and he has already done something villainous.

Decoy Badger
May 16, 2009
Merrylegs is the goon in the well. It all makes sense now.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

This is how you write a villain that's rarely seen. This is how you manage a special power that makes sense even if it differs between individuals. That's of course if Beatrice is telling the truth. It's also interesting that she kept her human connection if she still considered herself to be Beatrice instead of her "True Name", subtlety that Miranda seems incapable of.


SSNeoman posted:

Railrunner is The Hero, right? Because "drinking blood of your enemies" is generally a villainous quality.

The reluctant and/or redeemable vampire is a common trope.

JosephWongKS, can you see in the book what it says in the picture that's with this chapter? The bark, the sign and the ribbon?

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 22:38 on May 30, 2013

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.
College Slice
Others have already mentioned that you've already written a villain far better than Miranda ever managed, but I also like how you're changing the names to resemble names that rides would actually have in our world. "Iron Raptor" and "Thunderbolt" are names I could see actual coasters having, as opposed to "Ironwheel" and "Thunderbark". I also like that you're making an effort to actually define the abilities roller coasters have, and how it is differentiated by colors. In short, you continue to do good work, and are creating a far better story from the shaky foundations of Twisted than it will ever be.

  • Locked thread