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  • Locked thread
Jeek
Feb 15, 2012


You can even say Bobbin has... untwisted this mess of a story and remade a proper one in its place. :downsrim:

quote:

No one knows who first discovered the Park Beyond, or how he reached it... However it happened, he became the first contact.
Dumb question time: If the discoverer of the Park Beyond is unknown, how would the rides know him as the first contact?

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Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



Jeek posted:

You can even say Bobbin has... untwisted this mess of a story and remade a proper one in its place. :downsrim:

Dumb question time: If the discoverer of the Park Beyond is unknown, how would the rides know him as the first contact?

The discoverer's name and identity have been lost, but the traditions he began live on.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 40 – Pirates
Part 2


quote:


I slung the hellion then I grabbed him in an iron grip around his head. I squeezed like an anaconda; a horrible cracking sound came from his skull.


And now Railrunner’s an “anaconda”. Just write a furry story already, Miranda. It’d make more sense than this anthropomorphic roller-coaster mess you’ve got going on, and a straight-up furry story would appeal to a larger audience as well.


quote:


At the last second he threw the bag up into the air. I dropped him to the ground and reached for the packaged g’s. Unexpectedly, a plane caught it and flew up into the canopy.

“Stupid!” I yelled as I went after it. The plane flew among the branches, and that was where I was headed. I launched myself up a tree’s trunk and ran across its limbs as nimble as I could be.


Earlier in the same chapter, when Railrunner was walking through the forest to read his stupid book, “Vines snagged my restraints over and over again. I pulled out the sword and began cutting like an explorer”. And now he’s able to just run up a tree without being hindered by its leaves and branches.


quote:


The plane flew further ahead. The tree’s branches were coming to an end, summoning strength; I leaped onto the neighboring tree and continued the hunt.


Why are the tree’s branches “summoning strength”?

Actually, where do all the trees even come from? Do American amusement parks sell stuffed toy trees at their souvenir shops?

And why does Railrunner even bother running after the plane? Why doesn’t he just shoot lightning or fire or concussion beams at it? It can’t be that he’s trying to capture the plane alive – Railrunner has never shown the slightest shred of concern for the preservation of lives, whether humans’ or amusement park rides’.


quote:


Jumping and jumping onto trees and more trees. The plane was beginning to lose speed. I had to end this now; I couldn’t get to [sic] far from my friends.


Railrunner doesn’t have any “friends” to begin with. If you threaten to murder another person, you lose all rights to call that person a “friend”.


quote:


Then the plane paused and hovered in front of a large kinkajou tree. This was my chance.


What the heck is a “kinkajou tree”? Is it a tree that kinkajous live on? A tree that kinkajous eat? A tree made of kinkajous? A tree that grows kinkajous?


quote:


I paused and remained quiet. The plane looked around, thinking I was gone; it landed huffing and puffing on one of the moss covered branches. I silently pulled out my sword. I aimed, and then trust [sic] it forward like a tomahawk. The ride looked up in surprise, but it was too late. The sword pierced through its chest, pinning the creature to the tree.

I pounced onto the limb and picked up the bag of g’s. I then grabbed the sword’s handle and began to pry it out. When I succeeded, I began to lick the blood off. That reminded me to collect the antidote.

I pulled out the bag that held the book, and then searched for some kind of container. There was the vile [sic] that Moonhoof gave me, but that was far too important. Finally I found the bottle that I kept from the Silver Spoke. I twisted the cork off and poured the remaining liquid out. I then held the bottle below the dead plane, letting its blood drip into the bottle, when it was full; I started to make my way back to camp.


There’s nothing reluctant about Railrunner’s blood-collection and blood-drinking, nor is there any redeeming value in Railrunner as a whole. Against all odds, Miranda Leek keeps making Railrunner more and more villainous; by the end of the book he’ll probably be outright kicking puppies and kittens and clubbing baby seals.


quote:


I now saw that the fight had ended, Merrylegs and Static were picking up the pieces.

“Oh thank goodness, Railrunner!” Merrylegs said relieved. “I see that you got our money back.”

“Indeed, it wasn’t really that hard to get.” I replied chuckling.

“It seems that was all the bandits were after. After checking, we found that they did not steal anything else.”

“It is better than them having the book.” I said.

“Right. There is no telling what evil they could have done with it.” Static cut in.


Whatever they do with it can’t possibly be more evil than what Railrunner has done so far.


quote:


“So what is the death count?” Merrylegs said as she picked up stray materials.

“I killed the coaster and one of the planes.” I said.

“I took out the go cart.”

“The horses are dead.” Static added.

“Hmm, weren’t there two planes?” I asked suddenly.

“You’re right, Railrunner.” Merrylegs spoke. “That’s not good at all! It could get the word out!”


Tension rising…


quote:


I suddenly heard a rustle up in the treetops. I shot a lightning bolt upward, a few seconds later the plane fell down at our “feet”.


And immediately deflated in the very next sentence. :negative:

What was the point of this segment anyway? In fact, it only makes the earlier chase scene even more ridiculous, since it raises the question of why Railrunner didn’t just lightning bolt the first plane.


quote:


“It’s dead.” I sighed.


64th sigh of the book.


quote:


“Nice one.” Static complimented me.

“Thank you.” I said nodding my head in response.

“Welcome.”

“Where to next?” I asked Merrylegs.

“I guess we should stop at the next town, Xzerma. We can stock up on food there.”

“But Xzerma is watched by the Fallen!” Static complained.

“I know, that is why Railrunner must wear his cloak.”

“It is mangled and looks like hell!” I protested.

“You might want to get a new cloak then, because all of the remaining cities have been claimed by the Fallen.”


This is stupid. They’ve already revealed their identities in two settlements without the slightest repercussion, and suddenly they are concerned that the “remaining cities” have been claimed by the Fallen?

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 05:42 on May 31, 2013

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.

College Slice

Twisted posted:

I silently pulled out my sword. I aimed, and then trust [sic] it forward like a tomahawk.

Aaaah what the hell you don't thrust with a tomahawk, it's a freaking axe. If you have a sword and are thrusting it, then you are thrusting it like a sword. Swords are generally good for thrusting, on account of most varieties having pointy tips. :pseudo: You swing tomahawks, or even throw them. Railrunner did neither, since the result of this thrust was, well, what you would expect from thrusting a sword.
Fake Edit: Amusing that this, of all the crap we've seen, is what actually gets me ranting in the thread. Maybe it's because nobody else commented on it before me, maybe it's because it's 2 in the morning local time, but this failure of weapon knowledge / thesaurus use really bugs me.

JosephWongKS posted:

[...]by the end of the book he’ll probably be outright kicking puppies and kittens and clubbing baby seals.

These various critters will, of course, be in the direct employ of Ironwheel, on his campaign to spread cheer and happiness throughout his realm.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008


Oblivion4568238 posted:

Aaaah what the hell you don't thrust with a tomahawk, it's a freaking axe. If you have a sword and are thrusting it, then you are thrusting it like a sword. Swords are generally good for thrusting, on account of most varieties having pointy tips. :pseudo: You swing tomahawks, or even throw them. Railrunner did neither, since the result of this thrust was, well, what you would expect from thrusting a sword.
Fake Edit: Amusing that this, of all the crap we've seen, is what actually gets me ranting in the thread. Maybe it's because nobody else commented on it before me, maybe it's because it's 2 in the morning local time, but this failure of weapon knowledge / thesaurus use really bugs me.

He could mean the missile. I mean, Rodney's a grade-A psychopath, he probably knows a lot about weapons. I wouldn't doubt that he could tell the difference.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






JosephWongKS posted:

Chapter 40 – Pirates
Part 2



:byodood:

Alright JWKS... it's lost the novelty. You can stop posting fanfiction of Bobbin's original story "The Deadly Ride".

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Oblivion4568238 posted:

Aaaah what the hell you don't thrust with a tomahawk, it's a freaking axe. If you have a sword and are thrusting it, then you are thrusting it like a sword. Swords are generally good for thrusting, on account of most varieties having pointy tips. :pseudo: You swing tomahawks, or even throw them. Railrunner did neither, since the result of this thrust was, well, what you would expect from thrusting a sword.
Fake Edit: Amusing that this, of all the crap we've seen, is what actually gets me ranting in the thread. Maybe it's because nobody else commented on it before me, maybe it's because it's 2 in the morning local time, but this failure of weapon knowledge / thesaurus use really bugs me.


These various critters will, of course, be in the direct employ of Ironwheel, on his campaign to spread cheer and happiness throughout his realm.

I had a big rant typed up about this, too, but I think she actually did use the word "thrust" (or "trust," rather) when she meant "throw." Railrunner has to jump to the other tree to pull the blade out of the plane's corpse, instead of simply...pulling it out.

Sure enough, I just went to thesaurus.com and if you search "throw," it will list "thrust" as a synonym. Roget strikes again!

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Iced Cocoa posted:

The reluctant and/or redeemable vampire is a common trope.

Yeah, except Railrunner is neither reluctant or redeemable. I mean he just killed a being and harvested its blood with no remorse or secondary thoughts.

I also meant to point out that I TOTALLY CALLED The Angu Ra to have other MacGuffin powers, and lo it was so. It can grant energy and deflect concussion beams! Maybe it has even more loving powers we don't know about.

Huge Liability
Mar 2, 2010


Chapter 40 part 1 posted:

Suddenly a petrifying neigh sounded in alarm.

KRAMER: Believe me, Jerry. Somewhere in this hospital, the petrifying neigh of Horse-Man cries out for help.
JERRY: Well, if I hear a petrifying neigh, I'm outta here.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



SSNeoman posted:

Yeah, except Railrunner is neither reluctant or redeemable. I mean he just killed a being and harvested its blood with no remorse or secondary thoughts.

I also meant to point out that I TOTALLY CALLED The Angu Ra to have other MacGuffin powers, and lo it was so. It can grant energy and deflect concussion beams! Maybe it has even more loving powers we don't know about.

While it is a common trope, it is to be expected from Miranda to only use a part of a trope. It's like she is just cargo-culting from popular books and movies without any thought behind it. Sometimes we end up with blatant ripoffs, other times we end up with unintended mix of good guy vampire and werewolf.

And im pretty sure that the beam that destroyed tanks and concussion beams is the one and the same power.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



JosephWongKS posted:

This is stupid. They’ve already revealed their identities in two settlements without the slightest repercussion, and suddenly they are concerned that the “remaining cities” have been claimed by the Fallen?

I guess she finally remembered that the Fallen have supposedly taken over the world and so revealing your identity as the One True Hero isn't always the best idea regardless of how flashily you manage it. Maybe this means there'll be an action scene in which Railrunner has to struggle for a second!

Yeah, I know. But hey, I'm an optimist.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Interlude - In The Line of Fire

quote:


This city now looked like the fiery pits of hell. Fire had burned bodies and buildings. He stood up without fear. His wheels were soaked from the blood of many, the blood of damned souls. He let out a bellowing howl and signaled his army to charge.

+ + +

Oblivion4568238
Oct 10, 2012

The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.

College Slice

It's an amazing, yet sad, feat that one cannot tell if the subject in the interlude is Ironwheel, because ~villain~, or Railrunner, because of precedent.

Edit: \/\/ Gah posting times, I don't know if that's actually at me due to having literally just posted. If so, I'm saying that the passage could be about Railrunner in a burning city, bellowing vengeance and all that, and at least as far as JWKS is viewing Railrunner, it could have easily been him that caused the destruction. It's far more likely that Ironwheel is (finally) burning down cities in his path to find Railrunner, but as the story has gone thus far, it could be amusingly "misinterpreted" as about Railrunner.

Oblivion4568238 fucked around with this message at 03:50 on Jun 1, 2013

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008


What?

Edit: Oh no, I meant that "what" at the chapter. I'm looking at these words but they don't form anything. This is just a meaningless jumble.

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 10:35 on Jun 1, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



I think I should mention that as someone who has read this book before, I actually can't pinpoint this particular passage to any point in the book, doesn't matter who is supposed to have blood-stained wheels. I know where it is supposed to be, but there are several things in the passage that contradict that part of the book.

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 21:03 on Jun 1, 2013

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



When Richard Black stepped outside, he understood immediately why Beatrice knew he wouldn't find the portal on his own. The tree house stood in the middle of a massive swamp; bogs and ponds bordered by thin strips of land and plant life spread out as far as Black could see. "We call it Swamp Land," Beatrice added to Rick's thoughts as she leaned against the door frame. "I've heard some claim it is bigger than the Florida Everglades, but no one's managed to chart the whole thing. Only one part of one of these pools is the portal back to Earth. It's how we've kept it safe from Iron Raptor, and it's how I'm going to keep it safe from you."

A thought occurred to Black. "What about the other portals?"

"All controlled by Raptor's creatures. All rides who come through, whether new discoveries or contacts, must swear allegiance to Iron Raptor or be killed on the spot. You might try one of them, but you'd have to strike a heavy blow against Raptor's forces in the process..."

"I get the picture," Black replied. Turning back to his surroundings, he had to admit that "Swamp Land" had a very strange kind of beauty. Rick had visited the Everglades once during a family vacation, and so while the cypress and palm trees looked familiar enough, they competed directly with an odd number of pine and fir trees which would have been more at home in northern climates. In addition, many of the plants looked distinctly off, just a bit too symmetric, a bit too perfect, and a bit too shiny to be natural. Turning back to the tree house, he saw that the massive oak bore the same mark of artificiality, a mark he now realized matched the sheen of plastic he had noticed while inside.

Seeing Black's look of amazement, Beatrice smiled and said, "Welcome to the Park Beyond. Everything that is or ever was a part of any amusement park, theme park, carnival, circus, or world, state, or county fair has a place here. What is artificial there is natural here, and what is a prop in your world is real in ours. Would you like to see where your stew came from?" She gestured over to a perfect rectangle of black dirt that stood a few feet away from the tree house where several neat rows of vegetables were growing. Black could identify tomatoes, cabbages, and carrots, but there were at least half a dozen more. Beatrice walked over and pulled a carrot out from the end of the line and handed it to Black. "Try it. You already had some earlier."

Rick gave the vegetable a dubious look as he brushed off clods of dirt. To every appearance, the carrot was fake: it was perfect and straight, it had no branching roots, the color was a uniform orange, the skin was smooth and warm in his hand, and the weight matched that of a hollow plastic toy rather than a real plant. Looking closely, he even saw a seam running down its length. Still, Beatrice was feeling more pride than humor, plus he had eaten carrots in the stew, so he gave it a tentative bite near the thick end.

Black was utterly shocked when the plastic coating seemed to melt away and his teeth bit into the tough flesh of a real carrot. He pulled the vegetable away as he chewed and admired the cartoonishly straight bite marks his teeth left behind, the plastic appearance extending to the plant's interior. "How--"

"Everything in this world that is fake is also real," Beatrice repeated. "Everything that was manufactured or prepared in your world is natural in ours. Have you seen the corntails?" She pointed to a nearby stand of what Black had thought were unusually thick cattails. Coming nearer, however, he realized that the reeds were tipped by what were unmistakably corn dogs. Plucking one from its stem, he tore off the top and saw that, sure enough, a frankfurter was hiding underneath. Curious, Black ate the part he pulled off and found that, although the temperature was lukewarm, the corn dog had been fried to perfection.

"You shouldn't eat that," Beatrice warned. Black stopped chewing and looked back at her. "It's high in cholesterol."

Rick laughed and finished swallowing. "You sound just like my wife. She always manages to find the one guy selling salads no matter where we go, and she always makes us eat them no matter what we say."

Black was about to take another bite of the forbidden food, but then it hit him. His wife wasn't here to stop him, never would be here. Mars probably thought he was dead, and if things went poorly in Park Beyond, she would be right. There was a very good chance that he would never see her again, and all the little gripes he had built up over the past fifteen years seemed to vanish into mist when set against that one solid idea. Rick felt grateful to Special Agent Captain for making him say goodbye to his wife, but at that moment he wanted nothing more than to say hello just one more time.

And then there was Sarah. Black had always laughed at the old stereotype of the gun-toting father looming over the young boyfriend, but as his own daughter grew interested in boys her age, he suddenly understood exactly how those fathers felt. It didn't help that Sarah was his one and only, and Rick wasn't ashamed to admit that, after giving up on a second child, he and Mars had spoiled the poor girl rotten. How would she get by without him?

Black felt Beatrice's hands on his shoulders. He hadn't cried, but it had been a close thing. "I know this must be hard for you," she said. "You must miss your family terribly. I hate doing this to you, I do, but I must, for all our sakes. Iron Raptor has murdered many families since he took power. Some did not please him enough when they had no more to give, and some he killed simply for the pleasure of their pain. Your family is safe now; ours are not." Beatrice turned Black around to look into her eyes. "I was one of two dozen carousel horses when I first came to Park Beyond. I was always a solitary mare, and I left them to become a contact when they settled into Blancterre, a town many kilometers from here. Iron Raptor visited it a few months ago. No one knows what angered him, but many died before he was satisfied. Out of two dozen horses, there are now only six, including me." Watching the tears stream down Beatrice's face, Black could no longer keep his own in check.

"Your family is safe, and mine can never come back. But you can protect those who still live. You must." Beatrice swallowed a sob and forced herself to become calm again. "Find Thunderbolt. Protect us, Richard, like you protect the people of your city. Do this and you can go home."

Detective Black took a deep, shuddering breath, wiped his eyes, and nodded. Beatrice gave him directions to the nearest settlement, Cajun Town, but when he asked about provisions, she smiled and said, "I told you already, Park Beyond provides everything we need. This house was already here when I found it. You will see. Go, now, before you run out of light." Shrugging, Black began the long hike. "Good luck! I will pray for your safety!" Beatrice La Blanc called after him. Before long, she was nothing more than a white speck behind a wall of trees, and then she disappeared.

Antlerhill
Nov 6, 2012



Smellrose

Bobbin Threadbare posted:


"Everything that is or ever was a part of any amusement park, theme park, carnival, circus, or world, state, or county fair has a place here."


I so hope this includes Triremes from the roman Coliseum, and dragons from the Chinese circus (or would it be just dragon skins in this case?)

Also well done on making the "Park Beyond" imaginative.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 41 – Judgment

quote:


I followed the lines that were on the map. Xzerma was not but a few miles away. I continued to look at the map as Merrylegs and Static picked up the last remains of our camp. Then I put on my trench coat that was tattered and torn. It was acceptable, the holes weren’t that big so any ride could see my metal.


Guess how long it takes before they throw off the cloak again.


quote:


This time Merrylegs covered up, too. She wore a cloak that looked like it was from India. It was red and yellow with patterns all over the fabric. “Why isn’t Static covering up?” I asked her.


“Red and yellow with patterns all over the fabric.” Miranda Leek has probably almost certainly never seen “a cloak from India”.


quote:


“Static doesn’t stand out, he looks more ordinary than we do.”

“I see.” I replied.

A few minutes later we walked among a dirt path through the forest. Merrylegs and I keep [sic] our hoods over our faces. Rides passed by, but they took no notice. That was a good thing. The scents of more rides made its way to my nostrils. We must have been getting close. I then spied a clock tower that appeared from above the trees.

“We’re here,” announced Merrylegs.

The dirt path became a brick one as we entered Xzerma. It looked to be an older city due to its many fields that were still farmed, but for the Fallen.


A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” still uses bricks for roads.



quote:


It looked a lot different from Trenzon or Zegria. It was more like an old English town, in fact its appearance looked like Transylvania.


What kind of “old English towns” look like Transylvania? Does the Tennessee Board of Eduation use a different of atlases from the rest of the world?


quote:


Rides here were skinny and malnourished. They looked skuzzy and rough, but most of all miserable.

I sniffed, the Fallen’s foul odor was everywhere. It was hard to distinguish the smell of the good from the bad. Here we were to be extremely cautious.


Note the “Here we were to be extremely cautious”.


quote:


“What now? Are we together?” I whispered to the yellow carousel horse.

“Yes, first of all you need a new coat. I remember a clothing shop around the corner.” Merrylegs said over her shoulder.

“Let’s go.”

We trotted across the brick walkway. Rides with sad eyes glared at us.

“Welcome to hell,” an old bumper car muttered.

Merrylegs guided me into an old stone building. Inside were racks of different fabric. A huge fireplace was on the wall to the left, from behind the large table, rolled an old tin-lizzy.


What kind of amusement park ride is a “tin lizzy”? The top 5 results from Google were Tin Lizzy’s Cantina, the Irish rock band Thin Lizzy, the Ford Model T (colloquially known as the “Tin Lizzy”), TinLizzie18 Longarm Quilting Machines and Systems, and a Yelp review of Tin Lizzy’s Cantina.

quote:


His appearance was no different than any ride here. He was dull grey, and had a small beard growing from the front of his bumper. His eyebrows were also overgrown. All in all he was an eyesore.

“May I help you?” he croaked.

“Yes sir,” I replied kindly. “I need a new cloak.”

“You do not treat me like vermin? You don’t carry the sent [sic] of the Fallen either.” He responded as he looked at me seriously.

“I don’t fellow ally.” I said as I made my voice sound soothing and reassuring.


A few paragraphs ago, in the very same chapter: “It was hard to distinguish the smell of the good from the bad. Here we were to be extremely cautious.”

:negative:


quote:



“Come with me young coaster. I shall show you my wares. By the way, I am Ashsoot.”


What kind of name is that an amusement park ride? Even “Freakshow” sounds better than that.


quote:


“Nice to meet you, I am Railrunner. These two are Merrylegs and Static.”


Let me repeat.

A few paragraphs ago, in the very same chapter: “It was hard to distinguish the smell of the good from the bad. Here we were to be extremely cautious.”

:negative:


quote:


“Good to see some nice rides like you three, now follow me.” He said.

Ashsoot guided us to the back room. He then began to look through different fabric.

“Where is my best seller!” he said.

“Maybe I could help -.” I started walking forward. Suddenly my tattered cloak snagged a nail on the floorboard. A big tear emerged up it, all the way to my shoulder. Ashsoot turned to see my flaming red metal.

“You... you...are the...red!” He said in surprise. “Hurry come quickly! I must take you all to a more secure place!” Ashsoot hastily explained.


In normal story, such an accidental exposure would result in trouble for the protagonist. Unfortunately, this is not a normal story.


quote:


The car then opened up a secret door that led to a set of stairs. As we got to the bottom, Ashsoot sealed us into a cramped room.

“Good, we are safe down here.”

“Nice.” Static said as he sighed in relief.


65th sigh of the book.


quote:


“I need to give you something I have been waiting to give.” The small car whispered.

“What?”

“This,” he said pulling out a chest from a secret nook. He unlocked it by combination, then opened it up to pull out a leathery cloak. It was well kept, the black leather looked to have been shined daily. “It is yours now, great red roller coaster.” I took it from him and slipped it on. It was comfy, a perfect fit. It looked like a goth rockers with studs and spikes, very intimidating. It was also nice that it had pockets.


By now I’m not even questioning the convenience coincidence of a random clothing store owner being in possession of a McGuffin. It’s just part and parcel of one’s expectation for this travesty of a story.


quote:


“I like it, it looks threatening.” I told him.


It doesn’t sound intimidating, it just sounds stupid.


quote:


“Glad to hear that. Mainly because this was Moonblood’s.”

“Really?” I said shocked.

“It was, now it goes to you.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I did do one patch job on the cut that Ironwheel made with his claw. That was the blow that killed the red.”

I looked down at the slash. I imagined Moonblood crying in agony and his blood gushing out of the wound. Then out of nowhere a horn sounded.

“What does that mean?” Asked Merrylegs with her ears pricking forward as she became alert.

“Oh no! It is the Fallen soldiers! They are here to take prisoners, or even kill!”

“What!” Static yelled.


Why are they still surprised? They already knew this was a Fallen-controlled town.


quote:


“Go! You have to leave at once!” Ashsoot said running out of the room.

He then went outside and joined the others. I pulled my hood up and followed Static and Merrylegs out of the cramped quarters. We hid in an old barn, watching through a crack.

Roller coasters and go carts appeared in a fleet. They wore armor like a knights [sic], except for the helmet looked like a skull.


How do roller coasters and go carts even put on “armor like a knights”?


quote:


Then Freakshow appeared in the middle of them. She wore only a smirk as she stared at the line of frightened rides.

“Captain,” she said. “What do you make of these rides?” She said to the orange coaster next to her.

“I think they are a bunch of bloody cockroaches, general.”

“Good answer.” She replied as she walked down the line of rides.

Ashsoot quivered, he was terrified. Freakshow then started to speak again.

“I suppose you worthless souls have heard that the red has returned, but don’t get your hopes up!” she laughed wickedly.

I quietly snuck out of the barn and stood at the end of the line.

Surprisingly Merrylegs and Static joined me. When Freakshow and her troops had their backs turned, I leaned to the miniature train next to me.

“When I attack, you all go for her goons, tell everyone.” I whispered as I rolled up my sleeve slightly. His eyes got big, and then he started to spread the word.


Very heroic of Railrunner, dragging the civilians into the fight, especially where the fight was caused in the first place by the hero’s presence. That is what heroes do, right?


quote:


Freakshow began to walk in our direction.

“I suppose you -.” She paused as she stopped in front of Ashsoot.

Freakshow bent down to sniff him. The aggressive coaster must have smelt me! Her face went into a disgusted grimace. “Ashsoot, you carry the stench of the red!” she said slamming him to the ground. He slowly got back up, fighting tears. The pain in his face angered me.

“Where is he!” She yelled as she smacked his face.

“Hey leave him alone!” I snarled. Freakshow stopped and hurriedly strutted up to me, her eyes ablaze with anger.

“Why do you speak [missing comma] roller coaster?”

I did not answer, she then smacked my face.

“And you wonder why we don’t like your kind. Especially not me.” I said pulling off the cloak and lunging for her. Freakshow and I fell to the earth, slashing each other in a fury. I heard screams of triumph come from the attacking rides.

Freakshow and I got up and started to fight mercilessly, my claws making deep cuts into her metal.


“Freakshow and I fell to the earth.”

* nothing of consequence happens *

“Freakshow and I got up.”


quote:


Suddenly she broke free and bolted into the fields. I went after her, Merrylegs and Static followed, unfortunately so did two of the go-cart soldiers. My allies soon noticed them, and began to track them down through the tall crops.

Freakshow was losing ground. Her mismatched body was not built for speed. I quickly caught up to her and sunk my teeth into her back leg. She yelped like a dog, then turned and bit my back.


These are roller coasters and other amusement park rides, so why do they all behave in such animalistic ways? Should they act more like, you know, machines?


quote:


I let go and clamped my teeth down onto her throat. Freakshow cried in pain, and then she swung her tail and knocked me away, breaking both of us apart.

“Let’s see how noble you are, Railrunner!” she said pulling out her sword. I did the same and charged like a gladiator.


Why doesn’t Railrunner just bend her blood? Not once has he used blood-bending ever since he tortured the mouse and inflicted a minor injury on Detective Black.

That’s what happens when you give a character an overwhelming power– if that character doesn’t use that power, your readers or audience will always ask why. At least Katara of Avatar: The Last Airbender could only use her blood-bending during the full moon; Railrunner doesn’t have any restrictions or conditions on its use, apart from “Miranda forgot about that power”.


quote:


We collided again, fighting like knights.


One sentence it was “gladiators”, next sentence it’s “knights”. Make up your mind, Miranda Leek.

I noticed she loves to say that her characters “X like Y”, without actually describing or explaining how their X-ing resembles Y.


quote:


My blade blocked hers from slashing my hide. Then her sword got caught in one of mine’s many points. I twisted it around, flinging hers out of her wheels. She then sent a bolt of lightning after me. In a split second it bounced off my sword. With luck, it hit Freakshow, but it was not enough to take her down.

She ran again, still I hunted her like prey. I leaped in front of the coaster and scratched the side of her face with my claws. Blood ran down her cheek and it continued down her entire body. She then hit me with a heavy blow from her wheels to my jaw. She then closed her teeth onto my neck. I swung my tail onto her head. As she let go, I rushed at her again, continuing our brutal one verses [sic] one match.

Now the fight had gone on for three minutes, but it seemed longer. We had bitten each other numerous times. Slashed each other for hundreds. Pain was very prominent in my body.


Which part of the thesaurus did Miranda Leek get “prominent” from?


quote:


I swung my cars and knocked Freakshow onto a boulder. I enclosed both sets of wheels around her neck, holding her arms down with the others. She squirmed, but went nowhere. Then she stopped and stared at me with her strange eyes.

“Do you feel any effects, Railrunner?” Freakshow moaned. “From my venom? If so, why do you still fight?”

“Because my thirst for your blood is still raging,” I said biting onto her neck like a vampire. Suddenly she raised her arm and drove one of her claws into one of my seats. Pain ripped across my back, tears came to my eyes. I then slammed my claws into her shoulder. She screamed her lungs out and reluctantly let go.


“Swung my cars”.

“Enclosed both sets of wheels around her neck.”

“Drove one of her claws into one of my seats.”

Roller coaster anatomy makes every fight scene utterly :magical:


quote:


“drat you!” she said spitting blood. I suddenly felt weaker, I could barely stand up. She was right; I was feeling the effects of the venom. It looked like she was worse, staggering toward me like a drunk and looking pale. She was sweating and was also dark under the eyes. I looked back, to my horror we were nearing a cliff. Then I turned my attention back to Freakshow.

Suddenly the dizziness grew worse, my vision blurred. Then without warning, I felt the ground fly out from under me. I now lay helpless at the edge of the cliff. Then Freakshow worsened even more, she couldn’t even stand. Her eyes rolled back into her head. She then began to fall forward, onto me. Gathering the strength I had, when she impacted, I flung her off me and over the cliff. Freakshow was now falling helplessly to the earth below, to her death.

I stared up into the cloud filled sky blankly. I inhaled and exhaled harshly, completely out of breath. I tried to get up, but my body would not respond. My cuts and burses stung terribly. I tried to cry out for help, but I did not utter a word.

I felt everything within me slow, like I was going into hibernation. My eyesight seemed to dull, was I dying? I couldn’t have been. Thunderbark said that only humans suffered severely to our venom. Hope he was right.

Then my sight dulled even more. Soon it turned into “tunnel vision”. Now I could only see faint shadows like the ones over me. I heard voices, but to whom did they belong to? I couldn’t make out the words; they sounded gibberish, like extreme mumbling. Then everything went crashing into eternal Detective blackness.


Fixed a typo for Miranda Leek.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 08:17 on Jun 4, 2013

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



JosephWongKS posted:

“Red and yellow with patterns all over the fabric.” Miranda Leek has probably almost certainly never seen “a cloak from India”.
If she was referring to an afghan, she wasn't too far off.

quote:

“Static doesn’t stand out, he looks more ordinary than we do.”

“I see.” I replied.
And so Static's status as group bitch is reinforced.

quote:

What kind of amusement park ride is a “tin lizzy”? The top 5 results from Google were Tin Lizzy’s Cantina, the Irish rock band Thin Lizzy, the Ford Model T (colloquially known as the “Tin Lizzy”), TinLizzie18 Longarm Quilting Machines and Systems, and a Yelp review of Tin Lizzy’s Cantina.
Probably the Model T reference. There's something called an antique car ride where you climb into an old-fashioned car and drive around at 3 miles per hour on a track with curbs tall enough that you can't go more than a few inches off course. I can't say I've ever heard them called Tin Lizzies, but maybe that's the name of the ride wherever Miranda lives.

quote:

Which part of the thesaurus did Miranda Leek get “prominent” from?
It's hard to say, given how awkward the phrase is, but I could see "pronounced," "obvious," "outstanding," "big," or "high." No synonym could really fix that sentence, though.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




quote:

Then I saw, a magic laser gun lying in the dirt. I picked it up and shot all of the bad guys, killing them.

"Wow, nice work there Railrunner" said Static. Yeah, you are a hero" said Merrylegs. "I just wish you didn't have to kill them all." she sighed.

How am I doing?

Madoushi
May 9, 2003

Some days, you just get up on the wrong side of the bed...

Dreggon posted:

How am I doing?

6/10, you didn't spend enough time wrestling with a thesaurus. Also, Merrylegs seems to be criticising Railrunner's actions, she needs some death threats to remind her that she can't go around having opinions on things.

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


quote:

“Come with me young coaster. I shall show you my wares. By the way, I am Ashsoot.”
"Hi, Ashsoot. I'm Breadsandwich and these are my friends, Clothfabric and Treeplant. We're looking for my mentor, Thunderloudnoise. Have you seen him?"

quote:

Then Freakshow appeared in the middle of them. She wore only a smirk
*bow chicka wow wow*

quote:

It looked like she was worse, staggering toward me like a drunk and looking pale. She was sweating and was also dark under the eyes.
Her painted wood-or-metal exterior changed colour like a human face. Leek is a terrible terrible writer and should be banned from keyboards by international treaty.

quote:

I heard voices, but to whom did they belong to? I couldn’t make out the words; they sounded gibberish, like extreme mumbling. Then everything went crashing into eternal blackness.
Oh God, I wish it really was eternal blackness.

'to whom did they belong to'

Dreggon posted:

How am I doing?
The grammatical imitation is uncanny, but it needs to be affirmed that only a red roller coaster could have picked up that gun and shot people.

attackbunny fucked around with this message at 15:55 on Jun 2, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 42 - The Pack

quote:


The red coaster lay in a deep sleep. Bandages wrapped around him in various places. Tubes ran into his arms, hooking him up to fluid sacks that were attached to a machine. He had been lying there for quite a while in the large bed draped with white sheets. The room where he rested was quiet, the firelight flickering against the walls of rock.


A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” has exactly the same type of medical apparatus as the “real world”.

Also, and again, stone buildings.


quote:


A lime green roller coaster stood over Railrunner. She had been tending to him since he first arrived. She continually checked the monitors.

“Looks like the venom count is decreasing.” She said inaudibly.


From the reference to “venom count”, it appears that Miranda Leek is an avid player of Magic: The Gathering and/or Yu-Gi-Oh.


quote:


Then she turned and wrote in her records of his condition. Then she turned again, watching for signs of movement.


“Then she turned [to do something for which turning should not have been necessary, since that her ‘records’ appears to be a piece of paper on a clipboard]. Then she turned again.”


quote:


The coaster could still not believe, even after all the time she spent watching him she could not grasp the mere thought that he was actually there. The legendary coaster had convinced her that the rumors that the red had returned were true. She did not believe any of this was happening, even though it was.


“The legendary coaster had convinced her that the rumors that the red had returned were true” implies that there is another “legendary coaster” other than Railrunner. One shudders at the thought of two Railrunners in the world.


quote:


“Chainlink.” Spoke a deep voice.


Dumb though they may be, I get the logic behind most of the roller coaster names in this book, apart from Moonblood (because seriously, Moonblood?) but how is “Chainlink” even related to roller coasters?


quote:


Chainlink turned to see a navy coaster standing in the archway. “Yes Razorblade?”


Until proven otherwise, I’ll assume that Razorblade is a roller coaster built for the use and entertainment of maritime military forces, and not a roller coaster painted a shade of blue.


quote:


“Some of our members believe they found who was accompanying him. I’m going to let them enter, to see if they can recognize him.”

“Not to object, but does that seem a little risky?”

“Yes, but the two claim to know him, plus some of the members say they saw these rides with the red.” Razorblade said stepping aside. Merrylegs and Static walked quietly into the room.


“Please, two strangers whom we’ve never met before and who could be spies or agents of Ironwheel, please feel free to come into close proximity to our valuable secret weapon and figurehead of the rebel movement, who now lies unconscious and vulnerable to assassination and/or other sabotage.”


quote:


“Railrunner!” cried Merrylegs as she ran up to him. Static followed her.

Merrylegs brushed Railrunner with her nose, but he did not wake.

“What did you do!” she pleaded with Chainlink.

“I’ll explain,” she sighed.


66th sigh of the book.


quote:


“We found Railrunner unconscious after we saw him battle Freakshow. There was no one around to help him, but two members of our pack. They brought him here so we could revive him. So far, we are making slow progress.”

“Is he in a coma?” Merrylegs questioned.

“No, he is just under a lot of anesthetic. I took it off him to see what will happen.”


“The patient was already unconscious, so I put him under ‘a lot of anesthetic’. I don’t know what will happen if I removed the anesthetic, but I took it off him anyway to see what will happen. I’m a good doctor!” :downs:


quote:


“Okay, but what is really wrong with Railrunner?”

“During the battle, he was bitten many times. He has a high venom count.” Chainlink continued as she grasped a pole.


This is the first, and last, reference to the “pole” in this chapter.


quote:


“Will he be all right?”

“Yes, but in time.”


Didn’t she just say that “I took it off him to see what will happen”? How does she now know that he’ll be “all right”?


quote:


+ + +

I stood there looking at Railrunner in disbelief. He looked as if he were -dead. Except for the occasional breath he would emit every few minutes. Of all the time we spent looking for him, he was here, in submission. He seemed to be in silent hibernation.


Isn’t “hibernation” by definition carried out in silence?


quote:


“How long do you think it will be before he recovers?” I asked Chainlink.

She raised one of her wheels about to answer, when Razorblade walked in.

“So?” he asked her.

“Yes, they are the ones.” She replied.


These morons have absolutely the worst internal security and counter-intelligence procedures. The worst.


quote:


“Good. Now, If you both would follow me, I need to show you a few things you must know.” He said motioning us to come along.

I looked at Chainlink for her answer. She simply lowered her head and shut her eyes. That probably meant she was uncertain.

Razorblade guided us into the long hallway again. As we walked I looked among the wall, the same language that was in the temple was all over. There were some illustrations here and there of roller coasters. All in all, it looked like caveman writings, but why was it here?

“Ancient battles.” Spoke Razorblade.

“What?”

“The drawings you see are records. Records of war.”

“Oh.” I replied.

“It will all make much more sense when I show you this place.” He chuckled deeply.

Then the tunnel opened up to a balcony that overlooked a large room.

Dozens of roller coasters worked, on weapons: Swords, maces, axes, any instrument of death that was ever on blueprints.


A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans”, where the weapons of choice are… swords, maces and axes, which are most decidedly not “on blueprints” in the “real world”.

Also, said “advanced” world manufactures said swords, maces and axes individually by manual labour and not by mass production using robots or machines.


quote:


“This is where -.”

“You make weapons.” I finished.

“Correct. If you haven’t figured it out already, we are a pack.”

“Like wolves?”

“Only smarter and much more deadly.” He laughed to himself.


If wolves were as “smart” as you guys, they would have gone extinct a long, long time ago.


quote:


“Now, I am the alpha, as you know I am Razorblade.”

“Okay.”

Then we started to walk again, out of view of the large room and down a big flight of stairs.

“Our pack works to protect the citizens of Amusement Park Between from the likes of the Fallen. We have waited over thirty years for Railrunner to arrive. He is the key ingredient, if you know what I mean.”

“Of course.”

Razorblade led us to different rooms. Finally we came to a large door that was at the deepest part of the whole place. There were two guards at the door holding sharp spears. They nodded to Razorblade and let us pass. We entered the largest room of all. It was circular and lit by dozens of torches.


Torches. This is the apex of their “advanced technology”. Torches. Torches.


quote:


Columns surrounded it; in the center was a large stone chest. Carvings of roller coasters appeared on the surrounding walls. The “temple language” was everywhere, even on the ceiling and floor.

Razorblade walked up to the stone chest. As we got closer I noticed the writing was microscopic and the chest was as big a roller coaster itself.

Razorblade ran his wheels over the lid.

“What is this?” asked Static.

“This is one of the most sacred places in our world, a tomb.”

Razorblade spoke with his tone suddenly turning serious.

“A tomb for whom?” I asked befuddled.

“Well, the coasters on the walls are actually generations of reds. The one in the center, behind me there, is Moonblood.”

“So -.” Static went on looking at everything.

“This,” Razorblade said rubbing the chest, Is Moonblood’s tomb.”

“Whoa and why do you live here if this is a tomb?” I said in shock.

“You are not really supposed to be doing that,” Static added.


They don’t live “in” the tomb, they live in the complex surrounding the tomb. Railrunner’s stupidity has thoroughly infected his companions.


quote:


Razorblade sighed.


67th sigh of the book.


quote:


“We were forced to live in this place after the Fallen drove us out of Alcator; we discovered this place on accident. One of our members fell into a hole that led us here.”

“Oh.”

“Since then we have been preparing for revenge against Ironwheel.” The navy coaster said as he stood taller.

“What kind of revenge?” I asked.

He smiled cunningly “You will see once our leader awakens.”


I can only say that these people fully deserve the “leader” they seek.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



The picture for this chapter:

quote:


I think the Chainlink name is a reference to the Chain Hill in roller coasters, the first hill in a roller coaster. That's the only thing I can really think of. But given how nonsensical the rest of the names are, such as Razorblade of all things, I can't really give any real assertion of how Miranda thinks things through.

And now Railrunner got an army of roller coasters.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




Iced Cocoa posted:

The picture for this chapter:



bahahahaha

e: just look at it holy gently caress

e2: ok ok no seriously think about it a human is supposed to fit into one of those seats so imagine how big the bed + equipment must be, then think about how big that equipment needs to be (i.e. a tenth the size) then look at the horse and :unsmigghh:

Voltin Bolt
Oct 17, 2004

IT DOES NOT FIX

Dreggon posted:

bahahahaha

e: just look at it holy gently caress

e2: ok ok no seriously think about it a human is supposed to fit into one of those seats so imagine how big the bed + equipment must be, then think about how big that equipment needs to be (i.e. a tenth the size) then look at the horse and :unsmigghh:
Don't forget about how long that bed must be, unless 2/3 of him is just flopped onto the floor out of frame.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



Plus the horse looks utterly off-perspective compared to everything else.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011





Look at that bed. Look at the desk. That bed is too short to accommodate the sheer length of Railrunner.

Look at that book as well.

"Roller
Coaster"


And of course there is also a hanzo steel katana on the bookshelf.

TombsGrave
Feb 15, 2008



Hey, people with vivid imaginations (unlike Leek)! Imagine what it would feel like to rest on your back when your back is a 30-foot-long series of hollow boxes filled with leather seats and your many arms and legs are jutting straight up into the air or draped over your cold metal body.

I would like to take a moment to compare Twisted to Nemo Ramjet and company's dinosaurids project. Look at the images, read the authors' comments, look at how hard they work trying to come up with a society and technology that fit the dromesaurid as a dromesaurid, not as a human with knifetoes. It's freaking amazing.

She really should just make roller coasters into standard-issue furry-style humanoids if she's going to write like they are. I mean, she just keeps ignoring those rear 3/4ths instead of integrating them into fights or body language or--

Oh Jesus Christ Thunderbark is just sitting in an easy chair in that picture isn't he. She literally just ignored the rear 3/4ths of him.

And I swear that writing is Covenant/Forerunner script from Halo.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Freud would have a field day with all these female characters grabbing poles of some sort :v:

Okay no really. You have a rebel force with medical equipment camping out inside a tomb. How big is that loving tomb? If it is so big, then how was lost? Were there aggressive dust cyclones in the area?

And really Miranda. Just explain all medical equipment with "nanomachines". I am loving serious. If you have no imagination, then having such a dismissive explanation of medical technology is totally acceptable.

Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings

SSNeoman posted:

Freud would have a field day with all these female characters grabbing poles of some sort :v:

Okay no really. You have a rebel force with medical equipment camping out inside a tomb. How big is that loving tomb? If it is so big, then how was lost? Were there aggressive dust cyclones in the area?

And really Miranda. Just explain all medical equipment with "nanomachines". I am loving serious. If you have no imagination, then having such a dismissive explanation of medical technology is totally acceptable.

Nanotorches
Nanostone
Nanoblades

Yep, that simple prefix basically helps fix the insane anachronisms.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Cuntpunch posted:

Nanotorches
Nanostone
Nanoblades

Yep, that simple prefix basically helps fix the insane anachronisms.

:cripes:
It actually does. I mean it's still bad, but when you look at it in context of the source material, it's a definite improvement.

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


quote:

“Some of our members believe they found who was accompanying him. I’m going to let them enter, to see if they can recognize him.”

“Not to object, but does that seem a little risky?”

“Yes, but the two claim to know him, plus some of the members say they saw these rides with the red.” Razorblade said stepping aside. Merrylegs and Static walked quietly into the room.
"We'll let these guys take a look at the only red roller coaster train in existence and see if they go 'oh yeah, that's the red roller coaster train!'"

Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings

attackbunny posted:

"We'll let these guys take a look at the only red roller coaster train in existence and see if they go 'oh yeah, that's the red roller coaster train!'"

Maybe these merry outlaws are all colorblind, ok. It's the sort of deep character backgrounds Miranda builds into her stories.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Cuntpunch posted:

Maybe these merry outlaws are all colorblind, ok. It's the sort of deep character backgrounds Miranda builds into her stories.

But all roller coasters have "the sight of a dragon". Thunderbark said so in Chapter 7.

Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings

JosephWongKS posted:

But all roller coasters have "the sight of a dragon". Thunderbark said so in Chapter 7.

...unreliable narrator author? A new trope for fiction writing!

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012


Cuntpunch posted:

...unreliable narrator author? A new trope for fiction writing!

She was already unreliable when Railrunner was unable to see in the dark upon his first entry to that ancient temple.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



Cuntpunch posted:

...unreliable narrator author? A new trope for fiction writing!

It's not unreliable.

It turns out dragons have really lovely vision.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 43 – Arise

quote:


The state of pure peace was so relaxing. It seemed that the quiet comfort surrounded me in never ending warmth. Was this heaven? Sure felt like it. I looked to see if I sprouted wings, nope.


Isn’t Railrunner supposed to have thoroughly embraced his roller-coaster-ness? Why then is he still bound by human concepts of “heaven”? A roller coaster heaven wouldn’t have winged angels, but would have e.g. roller coaster tracks stretching into the horizons.


quote:


Was it hell then? Sure did not look like it. Maybe the place was an air lock between the real and unreal.


First time I’ve ever heard of the concept of Purgatory being described as “an air lock between the real and unreal”.


quote:


Well, wherever I was, I liked it.

Here, it felt more weightless than airtime.


I was going to mock Miranda Leek for comparing “weightlessness” to ”airtime”, but then I Googled further and discovered that there actually is a term called “air-time” which means “the feeling of weightlessness or negative gravity force experienced on a roller coaster or other amusement rides”.


quote:


Everything seemed light as a feather. Suddenly I felt the comfort slipping from my grasp. All of the harmony was being pulled away from me. Faint hints of pain returned, they got greater as they seemed to overcome everything. Then all seemed like it had shifted, I realized I had thudded back to reality.

My eyes were closed. I could see nothing but blackness.


If you already realized that you could “see nothing but blackness”, not because you were blind or because you were in a lightless room, but because your own “eyes were closed”, why even bother mentioning it?


quote:


I gradually forced them open. Everything was blurry; I could only see faint colors. I blinked my eyes once. I could now see outlines. I blinked again, my eyes finally got into focus.


Another fine example of the “I rolled onto my side… I rolled onto my back” school of writing.


quote:


I was in some sort of chamber. Across the room was a green coaster and Merrylegs with their backs turned to me. Where in the heck was I?

I looked down to see that I was in a bed with white sheets. It suddenly came to mind that I ached everywhere. I tried to shift, moaning as I moved slowly.

“Railrunner?!” Merrylegs said running to my side. “I’m so glad you are awake!”

I sighed and tried to sit up, however something pulled me back.


68th sigh of the book.


quote:


“Easy, just relax,” said the lime green coaster.

I looked to see that I had IV’s in several arms. I gave up and lied back down.


It seriously took him this long to realize that he “had IV’s in several arms”?


quote:


“Merrylegs, where in the crap am I?” I asked while staring at the ceiling, and then I turned to her for an answer.

“It is probably better if Chainlink explains that to you.” She said looking at the coaster.

“All right, Chainlink, I want to know what’s wrong with me and where I am.” I demanded.


The rear end in a top hat is just congenitally incapable of being civil, isn’t he?


quote:


“Is he always like this?” she asked Merrylegs. I rolled my eyes and gave a weak smile. Merrylegs laughed and nodded.

“Anyway,” Chainlink began. “You are being held in our pack’s lair under close surveillance. We have kept Freakshow’s venom from overpowering your system. I can say this, we are very happy to have you here.”

I let out a deep sigh. I popped my neck as I tried to get comfortable.


69th sigh of the book.


quote:


“How long have I been here?” I asked looking at Chainlink.

Merrylegs glanced at her, gulping. Chainlink swung her arms in hesitation. Then she shrugged and looked at me.

“A week.”

“What?” I said sitting up again. “I’ve been asleep, for a week!”

“Well - yeah. You will probably be bedridden for several days still. Railrunner, you are not ready for combat yet.”

“Wonderful,” I said throwing my arms up, unfortunately I forgot about the IV’s. “Ouch! drat it!” I spoke in frustration.

“My apologies, Chainlink. He can be cranky.”


Flashback

I saw him start to tremble again. Trembling in anger, so ready to kill me. I waited for the roller coaster’s teeth to rip out my throat. I still wasn’t finished speaking my mind, so I continued.

Now

“He can be cranky,” said Merrylegs, master of understatement and victim of Stockholm syndrome.


quote:


“I can see that.” She laughed.

“I guess it is just the fact that I have spent a week here doing absolutely nothing, while Thunderbark rots in hell.” I grumbled. I lay back down again and started to twiddle my wheels. “Sorry for swearing.” I said taking a deep breath.


“But not sorry for threatening to kill Merrylegs and Static.”


quote:



“That is quite all right, Railrunner. I understand.” Chainlink replied.

Then Static rolled into the room.

“Morning,” he spoke to Merrylegs. Static must have not known that I was awake.


Static wasn’t in the room when Railrunner regained consciousness, and this world of “advanced technology” doesn’t seem to have any telephones or other telecommunications devices. How could Static possibly know that Railrunner was awake?


quote:


“How is Railrunner?”

“Dandy.” I said. Static looked up in surprise.

“Nice to see that you are finally up!” Static laughed. “Razorblade wanted me to check on you.”

“Who is Razorblade?” I asked puzzled.

“Pack leader.”

“Oh.”


Railrunner, brilliant orator, noted for his “witty and smart facts”.


quote:


“Anyway, he said if you were awake, he wanted to speak with you.”

“Tell him I’m up then.” I yawned. Static nodded and exited the room.

I stared at the ceiling again, my body felt like it had been tossed around in an ocean surf. It still felt like it was too, with never ending swaying movement. Then a navy blue coaster entered the room. He stood looking at me grinning, and then he started to kneel.

“You don’t have to do that, I’m nothing special,” I interrupted him.


Don’t be so humble, Railrunner. You are indeed a very “special” roller coaster. :downs:


quote:


“Sorry if you do not find that- likeable. It is just that you are the most pure source of energy in all Amusement Park Between. You are a blessing.”


:ughh:


quote:


“I am only a different color.” I said laughing slightly.

“If you say so, my lord. Might I ask how you are this morning?”

“Still sore and hurting a bit. You said you wanted to see me about something?”

“Ah, yes. We want you, Railrunner, to lead our pack in the invasion.”

“Excuse me?” I replied, not sure if I heard him right.

“The Fallen are planning to attack Amusement Park Between’s biggest city, Alcator.”

“But isn’t it a Fallen city already?” Merrylegs interrupted.

“Yes, but the Fallen are going to raid it in three days, killing all who live there. Our plan is to first break in the prison and gather troops, then siege Alcator right as the Fallen move in.”

I crossed my arms. “Sounds like one hell of a move, Razorblade.”

“What is your further opinion, Railrunner?” He replied while raising an eyebrow.

“I think we should go through with it. Shall we discuss tactics?”

“Yes, we need to figure out how we should enter the prison unnoticed. I am going to hold a meeting tomorrow night.”

“That seems good, I might be better if you know what I mean.” I said as I scratched my chest where the Augu Ra rested. Razorblade’s eyes still transfixed on it; completely overwhelmed I was here.

“Yeah, it is settled then, you are going to lead us to victory?”

“Certainly.”


During the week they spent waiting for the moron to wake up, hasn’t Razorblade spoken with Static and Merrylegs about their experiences with Railrunner in the real world and Amusement Park Between? How could he possibly still trust Railrunner to provide any kind of leadership at all?

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 09:15 on Jun 4, 2013

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Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



The whole thing about air-time is also absurd when considering the fact that Railrunner has never experienced it. He has never been on a roller coaster in his life as Rodney since that would have just changed him into Railrunner, and Railrunner can't experience air-time because he's a roller coaster train and only the passengers can experience it.

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