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I thought nothing had topped other horrible heros from other mock threads, but having the "villain" tied down and burned alive while he "screamed in pain and suffering" is about the most hosed up thing I've ever read. I guess it takes a psychopath to write one well. 
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Jul 2, 2013 21:42
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drat. I can't believe it's over. And Railrunner didn't manage to be a real hero once in the whole thing. If she was 17 when this was made, why did her parents let her publish it? Did they actually read it? Like, did these people not at least want to see what their daughter was putting out into the world?
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Jul 2, 2013 22:07
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quote:If she was 17 when this was made, why did her parents let her publish it? Did they actually read it? Like, did these people not at least want to see what their daughter was putting out into the world? Why is unfathomable.
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Jul 2, 2013 22:36
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attackbunny posted:Twisted! is published by AuthorHouse. Looking at their price packages, it must have cost at least $949 dollars to publish as a paper copy, because it comes with illustrations. (which were worth every cent.) And another $349 or so for the ebook. I think the senior Leeks did a lot more than 'let her publish it'. To be fair, 1000-2000$ isn't that hard to get over a good summer job, at least in my area. Still, no matter who the money is from, it's completely  that they'd publish this thing in that state. If you're going to spend that much you may as well get a decent proofreader.
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Jul 2, 2013 22:46
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She apparently had an editor, but she was a bad editor that got fired.
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Jul 2, 2013 23:01
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Focacciasaurus_Rex posted:So, JWKS, are you going to read the sequels if or when they come out? I think you should, it's just the prink-pleh of the thing since you exposed the world to the first one. I... I probably will do a Let's Read thread for the sequels when they come out. It's like reading the Necronomicon - you know it's very bad for you but you just can't tear your eyes away.
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Jul 2, 2013 23:03
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JosephWongKS posted:I... I probably will do a Let's Read thread for the sequels when they come out. It's like reading the Necronomicon - you know it's very bad for you but you just can't tear your eyes away. Luckily it will be better*: quote:I actually read Vertigo and look back on this and go: " My god, this makes my previous work look like poo poo." Well, good writing comes with practice. Now that I'm older I'm better. * 
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Jul 2, 2013 23:06
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JosephWongKS posted:I... I probably will do a Let's Read thread for the sequels when they come out. It's like reading the Necronomicon - you know it's very bad for you but you just can't tear your eyes away. There is no chance of salvation; we can only hope to be eaten first.
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Jul 3, 2013 00:16
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JosephWongKS posted:Now she’s just outright cribbing from the season finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender. And "The Lion King" and "Beauty and the Beast" and a few other things I don't care to associate with this tree carcass. Well, it's been, dare I say it, a hell of a ride.
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Jul 3, 2013 00:52
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Djeser posted:Part 2 Part 3 I'm my own worst B-movie. All I can do is watch it happen. I've been kicking and screaming for the past ten minutes and all that's coming out of my mouth is more of her lovey-dovey bullshit. I don't mind the roller coaster body any more. I don't mind still being alive. I'd prefer being human and dead, but I might be able to deal with being a magic carnival ride if it wasn't for Shadowtrack. She's literally nothing. She's intense, devoted, crushing nothingness waiting to be told what to do. Without Rodney around, I doubt she'd even bother to think. And I can't do anything but watch her fawn over him. We're sitting back and watching Rodney and the black roller coaster fight it out. Me and her, plus the morons Rodney drags along with him. Shadowtrack makes this loving coo every time Rodney tries to make a one-liner. He's worse at telling jokes as a roller coaster than he was as a human, and that's saying something. I want to punch myself in the face. Rodney too. If this purple moron wasn't holding me here, I'd be ripping his train off, car by car. I bet that hurts roller coasters a lot. Shadowtrack cringes when I think about it. That's the best I can do: make her a bit uncomfortable. We're bleeding together a little at the edges. If I have to deal with her dumb vapid love, she's going to have to deal with how much I hate her. The black coaster rears up. “You're a joke, Railrunner! You're a selfish psychopath, like every single Red back to the very first, and you try to call me a tyrant.” I can hear them roaring at each other from down here. I might hate every last roller coaster in the drat multiverse, but if there's one I could tolerate, it's the black one. With him alive, there's hope for sanity. He's not afraid. I wish I could have been like him. Maybe I wouldn't be like this if I had. In between the lightning popping like fireworks between rails and powerlines, the flashbulb explosions of the fairground lights getting overloaded, and the howls echoing back and forth in the open air, the black one rushes at Rodney. They linger together for a moment, then Rodney goes toppling off the track and crashes in a pile of twisted cars on the ground. Shadowtrack is in shock. Thundering waves of her concern for him crash against me. I clench my teeth and ball my hands into fists against the onslaught of alien emotion. My real, physical teeth grind together and my actual knuckles turn a whitish-purple. I don't even give the realization time to reach my conscious mind. I don't want Shadowtrack to notice. Every second is precious. I break out in a tearing dash for Rodney and the others are following, but I'm going to get to him first. By the time I reach Rodney, the blood is soaking into his seat and pouring across the underside of his cars. He looks up at me with clouded eyes. Ten minutes ago, I took pity on him. Funny how ten minutes of hell can harden you. “Rodney, I hate you.” He makes a dim smile so I guess he didn't hear me. I'm sick of that smile, sick of everything to do with this. There's a deep red gash that runs along the underside of his first car. I sink my claws into it and pull and he gurgles and more blood swells out over my wheels. I understand the black coaster's plan. He wants Rodney in a coma, unable to do anything but still alive, alive forever so there will never be another red roller coaster born. I want Rodney dead. He's what keeps Shadowtrack ticking. If he's gone, so is she, and I'll be free. I'd hunt down red roller coasters for the rest of eternity if that's the price of freedom. Another tsunami of fear and grief bursts from Shadowtrack and nearly drowns me. My body locks up and the silver coaster pushes me away so he can look at Rodney's wounds. My train twists a bit as I roll to the side. It took a constant mental effort just to control my own body, and now I need rest. But I can't rest until he's dead. “Will he make it?” I squeeze through my locked jaw. “The way I see it, Railrunner has a ten percent chance.” My delight crashes against Shadowtrack's dread. “So, you're saying he may not live!” It's a good thing I sound hysterical or they might get suspicious. I lay back and close my eyes. I have to stifle a few laughs. Shadowtrack's concern tugs at my heartstrings but I ignore her. After a few uneven breaths, I crawl on my front legs toward Rodney. He's barely breathing and his eyes are sliding shut. “Stay with me!” Shadowtrack forces past my lips. No. He's dying, I won. You can curl up into a little bitch ball and sob yourself to sleep. I haul myself up on top of Rodney. I'm close enough to his face that the others can't see. I let loose the grin I've been holding in as a couple tears run down my hood. I'm shaking and I'm holding his head in my hands. This is all going to be over. I crush my face against his. I pin his lips together and jam his nostrils shut with my big stupid roller coaster snout. His breathing was already shallow. He trembles a little bit, then he goes limp, then I go limp and slide off to the side. The others are saying things. I can't hear what they're saying, and I don't care. I win. Rodney's dead. My life is mine. I close my eyes, just for a moment. I rest, and for the first time since Rodney came back, I feel happy. Djeser fucked around with this message at 01:35 on Jul 3, 2013 |
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Jul 3, 2013 01:32
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Just because the book is done, doesn't mean the "fan"fiction should stop. Fake Edit: /\Oh, hello fellow fanfictioner! -------- --EEEAK! ... Squeak? I look around. Everything is grey. I don't remember how I got here. Move forward. Must be something here. Must find out why. Ledge ahead. A figure sits next to it. A rat. Scrawny. Jet black. Doesn't seem hostile. Must find out why. I go to him. Ah, a new guest. Something strange! People words! But how do I know they are such? How do I understand them? Of course, you are new here. There are many things you will have to learn. I remain in awe. What is happening? This is the Mouse Hole Beyond. An extra-dimensional space that acts as a sort of heaven for rodents... but you don't know what a "heaven" is, do you? I squeak my lack of understanding. Hmm. I don't have much time with you, so I'll tell you everything about it now. You will understand in time. This is the place that rodents of all descriptions go when they die. There are layers to it as well. The rodents who live a full life and die a natural death are reborn here as snow-white mice. A dim-witted lot altogether. Would you believe most of them don't even learn how to speak here? A laughing sound comes from the rat's throat. I don't even know how to speak. What does that make me? For the most part, the Whites are only fit for target practice. The next division are those who died to traps, poison, whatever cruelties the humans inflict without bothering to do it themselves. We call them the Trapped. They tend to come through in the same form they held when they died, and usually devote themselves to a trade that is useful to the rest of the Hole, be it weapons, armor, relaxation, or... relaxation. A good lot on the whole. I squeaked at him. So much being said. So much of it I don't understand. As I said, you'll get it all in time. Believe me, you'll have quite a bit of time to yourself. And now, the last group are those who died by more... direct means. I am of that group. So are you. Squeak?! I look at myself. I am not as I remember. My fur is black. My paws are long and jagged. I... look much like the rat in front of me. Again, you'll have time to come to terms with this. Here, we are special. We are more powerful than any other creature in the Hole. We have the power to take what we desire. We have the intelligence to learn beyond our peers. Most importantly, and yet most detrimentally, we have a drive. A... drive? We black rats, we "Fallen", are unique in our arrival. A single thing killed us, and it did so in a personal manner. So, shortly after we begin our new life, we remember. You'll do so soon. Then, you will know your drive. And you will devote yourself to fulfilling it. If you fail, well, you're dead anyways, so it doesn't matter. And if you succeed, you lose all purpose by having completed the only thing you wanted to do. You become like me. I've been sitting here, waiting for another black rat to wander by from the hole in the wall. I wanted to give someone else a quick start, before I go to my own end. Compassion? From a creature self-described as "Fallen"? We tend to stick together. No matter how powerful you are, you are still just a rat. But we have strength in numbers. If you do well, you will come to be respected by the rats, feared by the Whites, and earn discounts from the Trapped. Heh. There is one last thing before I leave for good, and before you step forward and remember. As I said, this is the Mouse Hole Beyond. There are other "heaven" dimensions, a multitude for nearly every thing that exists in the human world. Most of those are designated as "Between", or such that they, in some manner, match up to the human world. The portals between the two are in fixed locations, and will always have the same destinations. This, however, is a "Beyond" dimension. Any exit from here can lead to any mouse hole in the human world... and one never knows where a mouse hole might pop up, eh? I squeak in confusion. I don't know what he means. Hmph. You'll figure it out eventually. Just know that you can basically go anywhere you like, here or there. Much as I am doing now. The rat moves towards where I came from. I turn to watch him as he approaches a mouse hole I didn't notice before. I'd say see ya around, but that would be a terrible lie. So... goodbye, and good luck. The rats walks through the hole. He disappears from view. I am left confused. Turn around. Look at the ledge. He mentioned moving forward, didn't he? I move forward. I am on the edge of the ledge. I look out into the grey. A shape starts forming in the distance. A... large thing. Red? A bizarre face. A snake-like body... I remember. Flames rush from the floating image, burning away the grey in the air. Pain fills me at a rate matching my memories. That creature... killed me. That monster... murdered me. That demon... destroyed me for fun! I... hate him. I... I want to kill him like he killed me. I want to make him suffer like he made me suffer. The fire has burned away all the grey, and the image of the demon hangs in the air, fully visible. This was my drive. "I... will... kill... you..." I look away from the image. I look down. A mouse with pure white fur skitters about beneath the ledge, unaware he is being watched. It's nothing personal. I think that to myself even as I pounce on the creature and bite straight through its neck. I need to be stronger to take on that demon. I will save my rage for it. Everything on the path there is just collateral. --------------- I'll be the first to admit my writing is... freeform. I often don't make a full plan of what is going to happen when I sit to write. I get a general idea of how things will start and how things will end, and just let the rest happen. Mouse Hole Beyond was always going to happen, but when I first thought of this idea, I was thinking more along the lines of a Grim Squeaker than another "Fallen" rat. Of course, fixed text is the closest thing to SmallCaps I can find here anyways, so. I sometimes surprise myself when I write, and I did get a slight chill while typing that bit after "This was my drive." I do realize, though, that this isn't an effective style of writing, at least not for a full-length work. So, please do critique to some degree, if you feel like it. I certainly recognize that it's a bit ramble-y all through the middle, but I'm also just writing a fanfiction of a terrible thing for a bunch of people on the internet, so I don't particularly desire to spend a long amount of time making it stand up to standards. So, all in all, enjoy. The Mouse will return in Black and Red
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Jul 3, 2013 01:44
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MiRanda R Leek - A Symphony of Sighs and Dismiss I looked to where it had emerged to see a slight rustle of bushes before sighing in relief. Woody leaned against the tunnel wall and sighed deeply. “Railrunner, you are a roller coaster. Your lover is a human. Once she sees the real you, she’s done. Don’t even try to conceal the truth from her; she will find out sooner or later. Thunderbark said letting out an provoked sigh. “This is almost a blessing and a curse.” “Clare – the truth is complicated.” I sighed. “Hard to understand as well.” Thunderbark rolled his eyes. “He’s fine,” he sighed. “There was a possible witness that could have seen you during your transformation yesterday, and he is in the position where he could arrest you.” He sighed. “I don’t mind,” she said sitting on the couch. I walked over and sat in the chair in front of her. I wiped my face then sighed aloud. Then I began my story. Before Clare could answer, Captain Vick’s phone rang. She sighed in relief. Black sighed, he was getting frustrated, and I was loving every minute of it. “A roller coaster is considered out of control on your rails. In our world, when our ride form is activated we are uncontainable till the full moon is at its highest. As you can now see I am stable, and I mean no harm.” I sighed, but Black only gave me a grimace. I sighed watching a mouse scurry by, wishing to run and be free like it. I sighed. “Perhaps you are right. I’ll work hard to try and bend metal while you round up Merrylegs and Static.” I said touching the ring. “Go ahead, Railrunner, It’s yours.” He said looking at me with his blue eyes. I sighed and reached my wheels in. Their nylon tips touched the Firinium necklace. A ripple went down my back. A cold mist raced through me, as my muscles tensed up. Power was restored to my body. I felt stronger than I ever was, except from when I rolled on the track. I let out a deep sigh in satisfaction and pleasure. “Its alright Railrunner, any from you is fare game. You had better get going before they find you.” She said as she lowered her head and let more tears stream down her cheeks. I sighed and gently placed a wheel just under her chin; making her look back into my eyes. “Soon seems like a long time.” She sighed. “I was doing an investigation in the real world.” Thunderbark sighed in fatigue. Thunderbark sighed. “Moonhoof, would you tell me if I show you why I must know?” “Depends on what you want to put before me.” She sighed. “Ahh.” Moonhoof said sighing. “Here we have it, the location of the Temple of the Red. It is a two days journey from here it sounds like.” “Thanks.” He sighed in slight discontent. I let out a long sigh and stood up carefully so I didn’t awake anyone. He started to turn around for another attack, but I ran up on him and stuck him with my claws. They went strait through the pitiful ride him and the pillar. I pulled them out and watched the go-cart drop dead. I licked the blood off, and sighed in relief. “Thanks. I wish we could stay, but you, Merrylegs, Static, and I know we must continue and find the temple. Like he said, we’ve given hope to Amusement Park Between.” I sighed, the white coaster then patted my shoulder. He then sighed and gave in. Obviously disclosing a subject that he did not feel comfortable speaking about. The captain got in her face and sighed. He let out a long tired sigh. His icy eyes went from the mesmerizing flames back to me again. He sighed again and poked a stick into the fire. He seemed to be thinking, trying to recall who she was. “Railrunner,” he sighed. “You must learn to make good decisions! Instead of the many stupid ones - like the carnival.” “Yes,” Merrylegs sighed to herself. “Smart, Thunderbark what exactly happened to Moonblood?” I said looking at him. The coaster then sighed in defeat. I sighed and sat up. “You are stronger than before,” he said getting up sighing in relief. I sighed in a long satisfied whoosh. I sighed slightly aggravated. “If you think it is best, Thunderbark.” Then moving along a tight bend, I noticed another secret door on the ground below. I sighed; the rails would have to wait a little bit. He let out a long deep sigh. “Yeah, I’d better.” He sighed in exhaustion. “I still feel like it’s my fault.” I sighed. He stepped on the gas petal and drove away quickly. We rounded a corner, and the cops were no longer in view. I sighed in great relief. He nodded and drove away, as I sighed again in relief. “Well, I’m really glad to see you; I’ve missed you so much. I think I am suffering from withdrawal.” She sighed “I know you will.” She sighed. Then I said my final goodbye and escaped out of the back door. “It’s fine.” I replied sighing. “That is quite a bit.” Thunderbark sighed in disappointment. Thunderbark looked to the ground; he let out another sigh of defeat. I sighed; I looked at Bandit who was anxiously waiting. “Well, Bandit says it will be a few hours.” He sighed. Thunderbark was silent for several minutes. He then sighed like he always did right before explaining something bad or important to know. Thunderbark let out one of his classic sighs again. Thunderbark sighed, realizing he had been caught in a lie. We kind of all laughed at him. He only chuckled as he helped me up. “Humph, no reception,” he sighed as he pulled his wheels away. I fought back my feelings. Everything seemed even more messed up than it was before. All of my memories bothered me to no extent. Merrylegs continued to look at me, her eyes showed pity. I sighed. Static sighed. “I will go to the meeting, if Railrunner promises not to be a gutter mouth.” Then it was quiet, Merrylegs still stood in her defensive position. I looked at the wall and Static stared down at the grains of wood on the table. I turned to look at him, he snapped his head up to see me. I let out a long sigh. “It will be a long way.” Merrylegs sighed. I stared at everyone walking around. I took a deep sigh and set off into the crowd All eyes seemed to be on me, I felt like shooing everyone off, but I could not screw up and blow cover. I glanced at merchant shops; owners gave me an unwelcome stare. I sighed and kept moving. “What -.” Rozrail started but then trailed off. I sighed, looking around to see that the audience was pointing at me. They already knew, there was no point in keeping it a secret now. “Weird,” I sighed. “All right.” I sighed. I laughed a little in response. Could I have been wrong? Did he not care about his dream anymore? I bent back down to take a nibble, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Railrunner reaching into the bag and pulling out the book slightly. He then sighed quietly to himself and slid the book back. Now I knew he was hiding all of his tension. He was indeed still worried. After slicing my way through the jungle like area, I found a nice peaceful spot upon a rock that overlooked a lily-covered pond. I put the sword back into place, and then lied down on the huge stone. I sighed as I opened the book and began to thumb through its yellow pages. “It’s dead.” I sighed. “Nice.” Static said as he sighed in relief. “I’ll explain,” she sighed. Razorblade sighed. I sighed and tried to sit up, however something pulled me back. I let out a deep sigh. I popped my neck as I tried to get comfortable. “His attitude towards things worries me though.” He sighed. “He dropped her. I could not catch her; she fell into an ocean of blood. She never surfaced, and then I knew she was gone.” I said sighing heavily. “Unfortunately.” I sighed. “Oh thank goodness!” He sighed. I sighed. “Some are, yes.” “Oh no. Forgot about that.“ Razorblade sighed. “I knew you couldn’t accept it.” Thunderbark sighed. Then Clare fiddled with her keys and finally opened her car to put the beers in the seat. The wind picked up suddenly and blew her door shut. Clare sighed and searched through her keys again. I let out a long sigh as Clare hopped off of me and glared at my eyes. She was expecting an answer. “Well, I guess I could still wear the jeans.” I sighed. “You wouldn’t happen to have any really big shirts that could fit me?” I sighed. “I just have to accept it I guess. I only found this out a few hours ago, I’m just flabbergasted about it.” I chuckled slightly, putting my arm around her. “You can let them in,” I sighed in relief. The white coaster then sighed in defeat. “Now that I think about it, he should.” I sighed. “So are we just going to show up at Sly’s or what?” “Stupid.” I heard Thunderbark say under his breath. I sighed. “Never mind, let’s get inside.” I said walking into his warm house. Sly sat in his big chair by the fireplace as everyone else surrounded the edges of the room. I tried to gather up my words before I spoke. Thunderbark took a seat at my side, preparing to back me up on anything. Then I sighed and started. I nodded in reply. My stomach suddenly growled loudly, it just now dawned on me that I’d had not eaten in almost two days. I clutched my stomach and sighed aloud, I then realized Thunderbark had heard me. “Railrunner, I say that because I don’t know what will happen.” He sighed with worry in his voice. I sighed, I had been right. I took a deep breath and sighed. “What is Thunderbark up to?” Clare began to laugh again, and then it became silent once more. All we could hear was the scuffling around by our troop downstairs. I sighed and let my head fall backwards against a metal support. I sighed and took a deep breath and let it come out in a long satisfied whoosh. “No, Railrunner, you need your sleep.” Thunderbark sighed. I however, was awake thinking; pondering up my next idea. My brain filled with many plans, but none of them seemed to be the solution. Clare started to quiver in her sleep. I put my arms around her to serve as blanket and Clare seemed to sigh in relief. “Fine, tell me your demands, Railrunner.” He sighed. “Very well then,” he sighed. “Before I depart, can you give me a brief description of Ironwheel’s appearance?” “Whatever you say.” She sighed as I entered the station. “That’s all right; it was about time we headed back anyway.” Clare sighed as we climbed down from the loop. “I guess,” I sighed as I walked in. Thunderbark did not reply, he just remained silent. He stared at the wall biting his lip and crossing his arms. He let out one of his long all too familiar sighs as he looked back at me. “We all are.” Thunderbark replied finally turning to me. He only looked for a brief second before returning his focus back to the road. He sighed as he clutched the phone in his hand. Thunderbark then turned onto another stretch; people stared at us as we drove by. I snickered in response to his comment, because he was right. “You can go now, the light is green.” I said still laughing. Thunderbark sighed and started off again, still grumbling. “Nice to see you again,” I smiled. Clare emitted a small grin. She then put her wheels on her forehead and sighed. Thunderbark looked at her with a blank expression, and then dipped his head low. His eyes scanned across my body once again. He then looked back at Clare and let out a long sigh. “It is good to be back.” Thunderbark sighed. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 11:18 on Jul 3, 2013 |
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Jul 3, 2013 09:33
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This book makes me sigh.  e: The  Great work everyone.
ConfusedPig fucked around with this message at 10:17 on Jul 3, 2013 |
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Jul 3, 2013 10:12
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JWKS, that was too close to the real thing! Also, the mouse heaven makes a lot more sense to me than ride heaven. But that might be because mice are... you know... alive. But I might just like the idea because I think rats are cute. (my roommate has two pet ones.)
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Jul 3, 2013 16:54
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DicktheCat posted:JWKS, that was too close to the real thing! That is the real thing. It's a compilation of every sigh in the entire book.
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Jul 3, 2013 19:29
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Bobbin Threadbare posted:That is the real thing. It's a compilation of every sigh in the entire book. I guess I derped.
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Jul 3, 2013 19:46
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quote:“You know, when I very first transformed into the creature that I am, I found out that I could smell fear. Ironwheel, you seem to have a great deal of it lingering from you.” I said calmly. “This is kind of like a student being punished by the principal. However it is not principal with the “pal” it should be the one spelled p-r-i-n-c-p-l-e. So, it is where the “student” is being punished by the principle of justice.” This needs to be reposted on every page. Read it. Embrace it. Let your mind grok the awfulness in its entirety. That mouse story is pretty good. Reminds me of Skyhigh (the manga, not the dumb Disney film) which is awesome and should be read by everyone. I never did figure it out, what was up with all the loving animal cruelty?
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Jul 4, 2013 01:01
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SSNeoman posted:I never did figure it out, what was up with all the loving animal cruelty? Rodney is a
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Jul 4, 2013 01:04
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SSNeoman posted:I never did figure it out, what was up with all the loving animal cruelty?
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Jul 4, 2013 03:26
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Djeser posted:I want Rodney dead. He's what keeps Shadowtrack ticking. If he's gone, so is she, and I'll be free. I'd hunt down red roller coasters for the rest of eternity if that's the price of freedom. This gives the old saying a new meaning. Because thanks to her... the red ones go faster.
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Jul 4, 2013 07:51
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Question for you guys: If you recall, I had bought the hard copy of the book from Amazon. What should I do with it now? I don't really want to keep it, lest a visitor or family member inadvertently picks it up and flips through it and I'm on the hook for the medical bills for aneurysm that arise as a result. I'd send it to my worst enemy, except I don't know anyone I hate so much that I'd send him or her "Twisted". For similar reasons, I wouldn't want to donate it to the Salvation Army or other charitable organization.
JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 08:34 on Jul 4, 2013 |
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Jul 4, 2013 08:29
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Nail it
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Jul 4, 2013 08:33
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Send it to the Vatican, I hear they have people trained in the disposal of things like this.
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Jul 4, 2013 08:42
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JosephWongKS posted:Question for you guys: If you recall, I had bought the hard copy of the book from Amazon. What should I do with it now? I don't really want to keep it, lest a visitor or family member inadvertently picks it up and flips through it and I'm on the hook for the medical bills for aneurysm that arise as a result. I'd send it to my worst enemy, except I don't know anyone I hate so much that I'd send him or her "Twisted". For similar reasons, I wouldn't want to donate it to the Salvation Army or other charitable organization. Weren't you going to trade it away in some sort of Christmas gift swap?
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Jul 4, 2013 11:29
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How high-quality is the paper? Can you tear out the pages and keep them by the loo? Failing that, fire. Woodchipper. Blender. Make it into a papier-mache model of a dead coaster. Hack it into pieces with an axe. Sacrifice it to the gods of good writing. Throw it into a water ride. Go on Pinterest and turn it into a pretty craft project, and then light the craft project on fire. attackbunny fucked around with this message at 13:59 on Jul 4, 2013 |
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Jul 4, 2013 13:51
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JosephWongKS posted:Question for you guys: If you recall, I had bought the hard copy of the book from Amazon. What should I do with it now? I don't really want to keep it, lest a visitor or family member inadvertently picks it up and flips through it and I'm on the hook for the medical bills for aneurysm that arise as a result. I'd send it to my worst enemy, except I don't know anyone I hate so much that I'd send him or her "Twisted". For similar reasons, I wouldn't want to donate it to the Salvation Army or other charitable organization. Secret santa or anonymous bookswaps!
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Jul 4, 2013 14:13
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Geokinesis posted:Secret santa or anonymous bookswaps! Hahaha I am imagining someone getting this for Book Barn secret santa, realizing what it is, and just collapsing in despair.
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Jul 4, 2013 14:19
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Sign it and give it to a lucky goon? If I wasn't leery of giving out my address on the interwebs I'd totally take it off your hands.
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Jul 4, 2013 16:22
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Do something akin to the Humument - selectively blot out and paint over words and sentences. turning the entire book into a combination of art and actually-coherent, not-lovely story.
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Jul 4, 2013 16:30
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I agree with the whole secret santa thing for some unlucky TBB sob. Perhaps with some real book as well as a consolation price. This is probably the last Miranda art I'll post here, unless the thread stays alive for the republished edition of Twisted Meet Moonhoof.  Cloven hooves? But it's Merrylegs that should have them! Wikipedia posted:The unicorn is a legendary animal from European folklore that resembles a white horse with a large, pointed, spiraling horn projecting from its forehead, and sometimes a goat's beard and cloven hooves. Why is there a small candle inside of the big candle? Why does Moonhoof have piercings? Goddamn it is that a roller coaster train handle on the bowl that holds the big-with-small-candle candle? loving candles! Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 18:08 on Jul 4, 2013 |
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Jul 4, 2013 18:06
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Tardigrade posted:Do something akin to the Humument - selectively blot out and paint over words and sentences. turning the entire book into a combination of art and actually-coherent, not-lovely story. quote:“This is just great!” I said as I slapped a handful of bills onto the table. All those unwanted slips of paper kept piling up, bills from the electric, water, and who knew what else. Everything seemed to be spiraling into a bottomless pit as the miserable minutes ticked by, forcing me to lose myself in my sea of misery that looked like it would never dry out.
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Jul 4, 2013 18:07
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Yeah tossing it in the secret santa pile sounds hilarious. Especially if you sign the inside cover with "I hate this book and I hate Railrunner and I hate Thunderbark and I hate everything they stand for. - JWKS ".
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Jul 4, 2013 18:22
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Put your username inside the book. The next goon who gets it, will read it and sign their name in there. You guys can then meet up and share war stories.
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Jul 4, 2013 18:24
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Djeser posted:Part 3 The others' voices are distant and happy. Maybe they're glad that Rodney is dead too. I can hear growling and snarling, though. I recognize it from all the times it's been leveled at me. No. No! I open my eyes and lift my head from the ground. Rodney's standing. His coils are twisting behind him. Every concept of injustice I've ever known doesn't even come close to describing how much hate I feel right now. Then I feel that dumb, vapid, empty love blasting out of Shadowtrack's mind. I don't just feel it crash against my thoughts—I feel it as if it's my love. It's there, inside of me, forced into my mind. She makes me love him and I can't fight it. I'm happy and I hate it. Rodney roars and Shadowtrack gets giddy and I curl my lips so that I can keep myself from smiling. She wants him to beat the black roller coaster and I want to see him die and I want him to beat the black roller coaster. I love Rodney so much I just want to stroke his chest and rip out his heart and eat it. I'm still struggling to get ground beneath all of my feet when a shock wave crashes over me. If metal skin could get goosebumps, that's what this feels like. Gravity rotates sideways, then upwards, and I cling onto the ground with my wheel-claws as tightly as I can. All around me, the rides are moving. Like a rippling, vibrating note, I can feel Rodney's will prickling across my hide. The horse and the bumper car and the silver coaster look like they're having a religious experience. Shadowtrack is babbling blissfully inside my head. I force my feet up and down, pushing myself toward where the two roller coasters are fighting. Fantasies swell and crumble as Shadowtrack forces them to life in my mind and I crush them back down. She hugs Rodney and I push his sword against his neck, he whirls around and she's dueling with him and I lunge for his chest and then she's nestled against him, her train coiled around him and then I suffocate him like a boa constrictor. Each victory lets me inch closer to the fighting coasters. And then none of the struggle even matters any more. Rodney's got the black roller coaster tied up. He summons up searing flames and crackling lightning and pours both into him. The black coaster's cars start to twist from the heat. They warp and the paint bubbles and the plastic seats sear and blister. In drips and hunks of molten metal, the black coaster's skin begins to slough off. I can see muscle and organs as they turn the gray of cooked meat before blackening, charred and cracked. He's still screaming, somehow, like the screech of tearing steel as a skyscraper comes toppling down. My hands hit dirt as I belch oily bile onto the ground. Shadowtrack and I agree on something for once: we're both disgusted. But as soon as I've wiped my lips, her repulsive, empty love swells back up like a growing migraine. With the black coaster gone, it's up to me. I'm the only one that can stop this, for everyone's sake. The force of Rodney's will fades and I can relax. He leaves the charred husk of the black roller coaster on the tracks and comes down to the ground with a heavy slam. I'm suddenly terrified for him and I'm so glad he's alive and I rush toward him and hug his chest as tightly as I can. “Railrunner, you did it!” I say. Or does Shadowtrack say it? It had to be her. I wouldn't have called him that stupid roller coaster name. Then why did I do it? I let go. The others are congratulating him. I put my hand to my hood and rub slowly. It's getting worse. Shadowtrack is closer. At first, she was like a voice in a crowded room—now she's among my thoughts. She's feeding me thoughts. She wants to make me part of her and I can't keep myself straight. “Before we go home, Clare has to have a proper name,” the silver coaster says. I look up. Shadowtrack's dumb grin blends with my sneer to make a blankly surprised expression. “A name? I already have a name,” I say with as much sarcasm as Shadowtrack lets me have. 'It's Shadowtrack,' I almost add, but catch myself. This is getting harder. “Ah, but it is a human name. For now on you use that name when you are indeed human. Anybody here have any suggestions?” The silver coaster looks away from me. “Clare,” I snap, then bury my head in my hands. They ignore me. Shadowtrack's voice rings through my head. “I know what my name is destined to be. I heard Railrunner calling me Shadowtrack in a dream!” That's really romantic. Or maybe it isn't and Shadowtrack is making me think it's romantic. “How about 'track' being the end of her name, like my mother's?” Railrunner asks. I mean Rodney. I'm not calling him that stupid roller coaster name. “That sounds good,” I say. It does sound good. I don't want to be called Shadowtrack, obviously, even though it's a really pretty name and I was destined to have that name because I saw it in a dream, but Whatever-track sounds good. No, it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm starting to have trouble telling where Shadowtrack is overlapping with me. Why is this so easy for her? “What about Venomtrack?” “No. I'm Clare.” “Flowertrack?” “No!” I haven't wanted to admit it to myself, but this is getting worse and worse. I know where Shadowtrack comes from. She's me. “Magictrack?” “No, that sounds cheesy.” She's the worst parts of me. She's the girl who was okay with dating a guy who wasn't really interested in her and talked all the time about maybe one day going to an amusement park. She's the girl who put up with a cheating bastard during senior year because she was afraid of not having a boyfriend. All of the things I hate about myself, all of the things I wanted to change, all condensed into the person who's taking over my body and my mind. I was wrong. The curse isn't being trapped in a body with someone you hate. The curse is becoming someone you hate. “I think I might have one,” the bumper car says. “What is it?” the carousel horse asks. “How about Shadowtrack?” I throw all my will into this. I have to say no. My cheek twitches a little and I want to say yes so badly. It's my destiny. I want everyone to call me Shadowtrack and I want to live with Railrunner forever. I want none of it but Shadowtrack makes me want all of it. “I like it.” Please no I don't want to be Shadowtrack just let me die let me be tortured kill me like the black coaster but I don't want it to end like this my name is clare i'm a human my name is clare and i hate rodney and i hate railrunner dont please pleese plese “So, Shadowtrack it is then,” Railrunner grinned at her. “You bet," Shadowtrack sighed. THE END Djeser fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Jul 5, 2013 |
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Jul 4, 2013 19:44
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Djeser posted:I love Rodney so much I just want to stroke his chest and rip out his heart and eat it. This is amazing!
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Jul 4, 2013 23:27
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Djeser posted:Part 4 This is so horrible and depressing. And then I think about how Railrunner and Shadowtrack are going to have sex or whatever it is Miranda thinks they do and I remember the kissing picture and the birth picture and I get this horrible feeling in my gut and then I throw up in my mouth 
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Jul 5, 2013 01:23
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Djeser posted:“You bet," Shadowtrack sighed. Marvelous work, taking what was intended in the story to just plain be absolute and total commitment, and showing how it's not really such a thing as that, showing how any sane being would be actually taking it, and showing how even sanity may not be a proper defense. I shall celebrate the conclusion of your work by concluding my own.  --------------- Much time has passed. I have learned much. I hunted the Whites in this world, made them know a piece of my suffering that they had never experienced before. I traveled back to the human world. I hunted there as well, sending many things to their "heavens" with a black sheen. Other mice and rats, too. I may be the thing they desire to destroy the most, but I keep them in check with a promise. Once my own drive is fulfilled, I won't fight them when they take their own vengeance. It works. The Fallen I made hate me, the ones I didn't fear me, but they follow me all the same. The Mouse Hole Beyond still operates. On a newcomer's glance, everything seems to be fine. But they all fear me. They all hate me. Every action they take is preceded by looking over their shoulder for the Fallen. But I keep them in check, too. The same promise that makes servants of my personal enemies makes the normal inhabitants leave me be, sometimes even help me. The day the red demon dies, they say, is the day we are freed from our own demon. Am I a demon? I have done many things since my death that could be called bad. Malicious. Evil. Tyrannical. But I do not think that makes me a demon. It has never been personal. Every White I tear apart has been to strengthen myself. Every raid into the human world has been to strengthen my army. Every Trapped who winds up dead after refusing to give us weapons and supplies was an obstacle that needed to be surmounted. I do these things, not for pleasure, but to fulfill an eventual goal, a "good" thing that must be done. I stand where I first entered the Hole. Turn around. Look at the ledge. One hundred pairs of eyes look back. Perhaps more. I think... this is going to be personal. It's time. ========= Richard Black cautiously walked forward. This had been a long day. He knew he was dealing with forces beyond common human understanding when they dragged in a drat living roller coaster; fortunately for him, Black was no common human. He knew the coaster would likely be dangerous after it had been awake some time, and so he had sent another officer, charmed to look like Black even to otherworldy beings, to interrogate the coaster. They would never be able to remove the red stains from the walls. And so Black was cautious. He had tracked the coaster to Mystic Park. Funny thing, isn't it? You get murderous clowns, it all comes back to the carnival. You get hordes of the dead, it all comes back to the graveyard. You get a psychopathic roller coaster, it all... you know. Since roller coasters tend to not be alive in this world, Black was certain this thing had come from another world. From that, he assumed that there must be a portal to that other world at the park. He stepped into a small clearing containing a small, circular pool and several other "kiddie" water park parallels. He had no interest in whatever else surrounded the pool, though; he immediately noticed how meticulously perfect a circle it formed. If he was right about this... drat. The bottom of the pool had been tiled to form a teleportation sigil. It would only open when the proper artifact was brought near, but it did confirm the theory that the coaster was trying to leave this world. Black wonders if he might be too late, if perhaps the coaster has alrea-- Fast as lightning, the red coaster lunges at Black and knocks him into a concrete surfboard decoration. The impact sends a fracture through the board and nearly breaks Black's spine. "You?" the coaster snorted. "I knew I was being tracked, but I'm pretty certain I've already killed you." The coaster moves over Black, going so fast that, to Black's weary mind, it seemed like teleportation. "I remember every person I've killed," it says in a dark tone. The coaster returns to a standing position, or what passes as such for a snake-like creature, and starts casually walking back and forth, as though chatting with a friend. "You know, you might be the first person I've killed twice. Clearly, that little trick last time didn't work. Which is funny, because that mouse certainly didn't seem like it would be coming back. So, this time, I'll try something different. Maybe I'll burn you to a crisp?" he says as fire springs to life in his uppermost right hand. Black can feel the sweltering heat from the coaster's magic. "Or, perhaps you'd like something a bit more... shocking?" he says as electricity begins to crackle across his uppermost left hand. The thing seems to be holding back a chuckle; he must think he's hilarious. Black doesn't laugh. "But, really, those are far too impersonal. No, for the man who dies twice, something much more direct needs to happen. I will cut you apart with my claws. Slowly. Delicately. You will wish you had stayed in the land of the dead, and finally, when you are begging me for the sweet release of death... I shall grant it. This is going to be... personal." Indeed it is. "What!?" the coaster roared. "Who's there? How can anything else be there! I know this human is the only thing that followed me!" For his part, Black also looked confused at the turn of events. We didn't follow you, as such. "WE?! You aren't alone in this? This isn't how it's supposed to go! It was supposed to be me, this human, and freedom!" Do you hate when things don't go your way? "What kind of question is that?! Of course I hate it! I'm special! I've been chosen! I will save this world!" Black finally spoke up. "Just what in the he-" "SHUT UP!" the coaster screamed. He swung his tail around and smashed Black in the head, knocking him out. "I will deal with you later! Now... where are you?" You might be surprised... where a mouse hole can turn up. "What the hell does that mean! Where the hell are y-" the coaster froze in mid-sentence as he felt... something... scurrying around inside his cars. He turned his upper body around to look inside his train. Rats. Rats everywhere. The coaster could feel them gnawing at his body, trying to get through the outer shell. He had to do something. Fast. He summoned fire again, figuring he could sleep the damage off later. He sends a jet of flame all along the length of his back, and tens of rats fall out, little infernos that scamper mere feet before expiring. The pain is agonizing, but the coaster knows that at least he's survi- More. More rats. Scurrying. Clawing. Biting already singed flesh, making their progress quicker. The coaster freaks out, and begins jetting fire down his body once more. He doesn't stop when he thinks all the rats are gone this time. Soon enough, the corpses stop falling out, and continue burning while still in the train, doubling the heat the coaster is exposing himself to. And still they bite. The coaster screams in agony, and rears his head to the sky. And notices a single black object dropping from an above tree. Die. The Fallen rat that was once a simple mouse lands on the back of the coaster's head, and bites through the weakened metal of the neck with great strength, severing the creature's nervous system and paralyzing the beast. The coaster stops thrashing, stops shooting flames at himself, stops... everything. But thinking. And hearing. It would be easy to finish you. It would be the simplest thing to bore a hole straight to your heart and bite it. But I won't. You made me suffer. You toyed with me. My body was torn apart for your amusement. Your body will burn to ashes for my vengeance. "Ah, yes, I remember you. I remember everyone I killed. And yet here you are again. A bit different. But it's still you." Nothing you say will make me stop the suffering. It has been long overdue. "No, of course not. Even if the fires stop, I'm probably dead anyways. Looks like... I might not save the world after all, huh? But with you here, and that detective over there... it seems that maybe, everyone I killed is going to be back anyways. No change at all from my passing through. Heh." What you have done cannot be undone. I wouldn't quite say even I am back in a full sense. "Whatever. If I had another chance, I wouldn't waste so much time. So what if the detective had followed me into my world? So what if I was in a weakened state in that cell? I should have been more direct." Had you been any more direct, the planet itself may have become a Fallen dedicated to destroying you. "Shut up," the coaster sighed. "Leave me to die in peace." With this, the red demon fell silent. ======== I have achieved vengeance. I have fulfilled my drive. The demon is dead. So are all the other rats. Of all the things I killed, only a Fallen rat could possibly kill me, and now there are none who swear vengeance against me. I have no reason to live, and nothing to kill me. I survey the scene. The red is dead, the body burning still. The pool remains calm. The structure the human was thrown into has finally crumbled at the point of impact. And the human- Turn around. Look up. The human stands above me. He seems to only be injured slightly, despite having been out of commission the entire fight. He looks down at me. He smiles. I was grateful for humans once, wasn't I? Perhaps... there is still something to live for.
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Jul 5, 2013 03:41
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Last night I dreamt that I was in a bookstore and found Twisted on the shelf. Next thing you know, I'll be climbing up my wall, Elm Street style, babbling about cake factories and roller coaster ultrasounds. Hats off to JWKS and anyone who stuck this thread out.
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Jul 5, 2013 04:45
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 23:54 |
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quote:31.5G. Political cartoon of Miranda Leek and Twisted (Drawn by attackbunny)
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Jul 5, 2013 09:09
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