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  • Locked thread
Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010
Like, Nyaa.

:colbert:


Iced Cocoa posted:

while not suffering the multitude of grammartical and spelling errors.
As a person who haven't mastered English literacy, every time I read an update in this thread, I have go read some online English lesson to undo all the harmful grammatical damage. :smithicide:

quote:

Then this happened and I have to look at the doggy drawing to heal my soul or something. :gbsmith:

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JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 11 – Monster in Disguise

quote:


I sat in the car, furious. I glared down at the rose in my hand. Frustrated I flung the rose to the passenger seat next to me. I started the engine and quickly backed out of her driveway, almost running into Clare’s mailbox.

“My god why!” I said trying to hold back my anger. “I am a monster! I almost killed her! She tried to kill me! I am of roller coaster blood! We can never be together! Never ever again!”


Twisted may be a terrible book on the macro-level, but it makes up for it by being hilarious when read in small chunks at a time. I laughed for a good solid minute at the above internal monologue.


quote:


I drove faster, running a few stop signs. My dark thoughts filled my head. My heart was broken, ours was broken. This is all coming too quickly. My life suddenly shifted, taking a completely unheard of route. Nothing made sense anymore!


Again, Rodney proves to be reckless of the perils to human life caused by his actions even in his human form.


quote:


I pulled into my driveway and ran into my house. I went up to my bedroom. I kicked my bed and knocked my lamp off the end table. I went into the bathroom and hunched over the sink. I turned on the faucet and splashed water onto my face. I looked into the mirror above me. My true reflection appeared.


The step-by-step detailing of the most mundane actions never stops being a thing, does it?




quote:


“Not Rodney, Railrunner! Railrunner did this!” I yelled, breaking the mirror with my fist. I fell backward against the tub.


I could actually buy that argument, if Rodney ever, ever showed the slightest remorse for the things he does and the damage he causes as Railrunner.


quote:


“But yet my name isn’t really Rodney and I’m not really human. My name is Railrunner, a roller coaster. And I’ve been a coaster all along.”

I couldn’t think straight. One thing meant this, another meant that. I went back into my bedroom and lay onto my covers. Thunderbark was right; I needed to forget about love. Then my eyes shut and I fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up again at one, and decided to go for a walk. Maybe I could get my mind off Clare that way. I got ready, walked out the door and stretched. Then I ran in the opposite direction of Clare’s house.

I ran for about an hour. I then realized I was getting near the carnival. In a way I wondered what it looked like. I barely could remember last night. All I could recollect was Clare’s look on her face. The look she gave me as soon as I became my beastly self. That horrible image! I must get it out of my head!


The previous day Rodney was breathing heavily and “let out huge puffs of air” after running for a few minutes through the House of Mirrors, and now he can effortlessly run “for about an hour”? This is taking suspension of disbelief too far, I say.


quote:


But I couldn’t, because the next thing I saw was the carnival. A shiver went down my spine, so did a small ripple of pain. Many officers, firemen, and locals stood around or walked into the ruins. Firemen removed scattered and destroyed rides. Police examined the premises. Onlookers questioned each other and some spoke of last night’s invasion. Out of all the people, I spotted Buddy and Sly. Their hands had scratches on them as well as bandages. They talked to one another as the [sic] stood a little ways from the rest of the crowd.


Note again the utter lack of any remorse for the destruction he caused or any sympathy for the people (including his friends Buddy and Sly) hurt by his rampage. Which actually means Miranda Leek has successfully portrayed Rodney / Railrunner as the alien being he is. Kudos where kudos is owned.


quote:


I decided to walk over and join in; make them think I have nothing to hide.

“Rodney!” Sly announced. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I’ve, been on a business trip,” I said making up a quick lie.


Again Rodney goes out of his way to make up easily disprovable lies. Just say you’ve been sick and resting at home! Sheesh.


quote:


“What happened that night you left the bar? Right as we got glass in our hands, you disappeared!”

“Okay, I started to feel drunk and I felt the beer coming back up so yeah.” I said wanting to laugh at my response.

“Of course Rodney. Good thing you were in the bathroom praying to the porcelain god when that demon coaster showed up.” Buddy said looking at the aftermath of the carnival.

“You know anything?” Sly asked.

“No.” I said hesitating a little. Then news crews started to arrive and began to set up their gear.


“For all we know that coaster could be right under our noses.” Sly announced. “Watching our every move.”

My heartbeat quickened. The news crews began to make their broad cast [spelt with a space in between the two words instead of “broadcast”]. They started to interview a tubby police officer that kept pulling at his belt.


As a deviantart-dwelling roller-coaster furry, Miranda Leek should have been more sensitive to issues of fat-shaming.


quote:


“Sir, what do you and the police force plan to do since there has been a second attack?”

“Well, I’ll make it simple. We are going to stop at nothing to find this demon, like the community, we want it dead and gone. We will search every square inch of the town. We will get the FBI involved. We will learn it’s [sic] every trick. It will be brought to justice!” The policeman proclaimed.

I gulped. I looked over at Buddy and Sly.

“Serves it right.” Buddy started. “Look what it has done!”

“Yep, going around and destroying everything, killing people…”

“I think we get the point,” I interrupted. I looked at my watch. It read five-thirty, at least two more hours till the moon rose. “Well I best be going, I have things to do.”

“Take care Rodney.” Sly called.

I ignored him. Now because of my actions the FBI was coming! And the police were hot on my trail! I had to be more careful as Railrunner for now on, but was that possible for an eight and a half ton living roller coaster? I kept on running, not daring to look back behind me. The sky was turning to shades of pink and orange. The sun was going to set soon. The day had raced by so quickly that I barely had enough time to comprehend it.


“Me me me me me me me ME!”


quote:


I was now almost home, I ran through the lonely streets of the outdoor shopping mall. Few cars sat in the parking lot and all of the stores had closed. Suddenly I heard a struggling scream coming out from one of the alleys between the shops. Curious, I ventured closer. I peeked my head around the corner to see five men trying to rob a young lady. As I looked closer I realized it wasn’t an ordinary girl, it was Clare.

Clare was in trouble, she needed help. Besides [sic] of what happened earlier I walked out of my hiding place and towards the pose [sic] of men.

“Hey! Leave her alone!”

One of the men turned and looked at me, he let a smirk appear onto his face.

“This your boyfriend sweetcheeks? This your prince charming coming to rescue you?” he taunted.

“Rodney what -.” Clare started to speak, but suddenly one of the men put a knife to her throat.

“Gentlemen, I am the wrong person you want to deal with.” I said without thinking. Before I knew it, one of the men struck me from the side. I fell to my knees against the brick wall. He started to kick me square in the ribs over and over again. Blood came into my mouth. There was a pause. I struggled to get to my feet. I stood up to only get punched in the jaw, blood spurted in various places.

“Wrong person to be dealing with? I don’t think so!” One of the men laughed. I wiped my blood off my face. I looked at the sky, just a few more moments, then these men will get what they had coming for them. I could already feel my wounds healing; I turned and popped my neck. These men had their weapon in numbers, but I had a big one, a really mean and nasty one. An unstoppable force from hell.

“I am warning you gentlemen, your gonna get your rear end kicked in a minute.” I said smirking.

“Oh, so you haven’t had enough?” The man laughed. Then the biggest ruffian came rushing at me. I moved him out of the way and slammed him onto the wall; I was getting more powerful, more unstable. I grinned at him; I could feel my front teeth were suddenly fangs. The man looked horrified, before he could say anything; I hit him upside the head knocking him out cold. The gang looked stunned.


This whole section really feels like a bullied child’s fevered revenge fantasy.


quote:


“Come on Railrunner!” Clare shouted without thinking.

”What woman? Who the heck is Railrunner?”

“That is me.” I said looking at the sun. It was setting. I had to hold these idiots off for just a few more seconds!

“That is you? Why in the hell are you called that?”

I laughed a little. “You’re going to see just as the moon rises, you will witness my true power and the monster that I really am. My disguise will be uncovered, and you will see the error of your ways.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He said staring at the sky.

I glanced backwards, the moon had risen, the full moon and all its power. I laughed aloud.

“This!” I said. Power flooded me from all sides. My pulse rose as my heart raced. My blood boiled as my mouth began to salivate. I grew too big for my skin, so I began to tear it off in strips. My tailbone extended as my teeth became fangs. My organs rearranged as my nose pushed forward to make a snout. My shoulder blades shook as seats sprouted from them, and then they grew along my back. I was losing control, my will. Then it all stopped, I finished roaring, to the night sky, to the moon.


This is the dumbest transformation sequence ever. I mean, “My shoulders shook as seats sprouted from them”? Is that supposed to be awe-inspiring?


quote:

+ + +

Railrunner glared at the criminal, their eyes making contact.


Why is Rodney carrying a mirror?


quote:


“My god! You’re the monster! The roller coaster!”

The coaster took a few steps forward.

“Umm - Railrunner! Please spare me!” the leader cowered.

“You feed on the blood of the innocent, I feed on the blood of mere humans, even if they are damned or not.” Railrunner spoke with a crazed look in his eye. He then lunged forward and snapped the man’s neck, killing him instantly. Railrunner turned and roared at the dead man’s followers. They stood in fear as he revealed his claws. They ran but Railrunner was quicker, his claws sunk through human flesh, and he spilled human blood. Clare watched in fear as Railrunner one by one slaughtered the men, as he was on his genocide. Then the man he knocked out earlier ran, he headed for the square of the outdoor mall. Railrunner caught sight of him, and began his pursuit. Clare came out of shock and followed Railrunner close behind.


“And then I opened my trenchcoat and pulled out my Hanzo steel katana and Desert Eagle and the bully dropped to his knees and begged for mercy and everyone in the canteen cheered.”


quote:


The man ran into the square and glanced behind him. The roller coaster was nowhere to be seen. He pulled his gun out of his pants that he forgot about and held it up. He was ready. But even as he stood there, Railrunner hid within the buildings. He watched the man eagerly.

The gunman could only hear the gushing water out of the fountain behind him. His heart hammered in his chest as he continued to wander the dead silent square. Railrunner quietly crept forward between the stores. He could sense the man’s blood and fear. The robber trembled and so did the gun in his hand.


Oh come on! This thing is “twenty-feet long” and “weighs twenty thousand pounds”! How does it “hide within the buildings” and “quietly creep forward”? It’s not the first time Miranda Leek has completely ignored the size and weight of her own protagonist, but it will never stop grating on my nerves.


quote:


“Where are you demon?” He whispered to himself.

Suddenly there was a rustle behind the man. He turned and fired the gun, but instead of a mutant coaster, there was only mist. Railrunner grinned at him, thinking what a fool the man was.

Then the crazed human also pulled out his knife. Then he fired a shot into each alley, the bullets only echoed in the night. Then he pitched the knife into the darkest alley behind him. He fired more rounds, and then his gun ran out of ammunition. He dug around in his pockets for more, but found none. He slowly backed up toward the fountain.

“Maybe I lost it.” He said.


Even if you had managed to hide from Railrunner, you would have given your position away with all that noise from shooting blindly into the alley. Why is everyone in this story (other than Detective Black) so bloody stupid?


quote:


Then Railrunner landed on top of the fountain, the vibration of his impact was so great that it knocked the man off his feet. Railrunner grinned at him, and then he pulled the man’s knife out of his chest, the man watched in awe as the wound instantly healed.


Wait a minute. When the dude “pitched the knife into the darkest alley behind him”, it actually managed to hit Railrunner? And the knife got stuck in his chest? Aren’t were-roller-coasters supposed to be metal on the outside?


quote:


“You know, it’s not very wise to be playing with knives.” Railrunner said tossing the utensil aside. Then his claws slowly appeared.

“Unfortunately for you, I do anyway.” Railrunner smirked as his claws extended to their full length.

The man got to his feet and started to sprint. Railrunner leaped from his post and jabbed his dagger-like claws into the robber’s back. The robber began to choke on his own blood, and then he fell to the ground dead, his body lying in a crumpled heap.

Railrunner snorted in disgust as he licked the blood off his wheels and claws. Railrunner’s forked tongue going between every groove. He purred with pleasure, as he licked his lips with satisfaction.


I defy anyone to read this and say that Rodney / Railunner isn’t the psychopathic villain of the story.


quote:


Then his keen hearing heard the siren of an approaching squad car. His eyes narrowed as he looked off in the direction of the warning. I’ll give him what he wants, a glance at me, but he won’t like it. Railrunner thought to himself as he crept forward.

The cop had received a call about an armed robbery that happened several minutes ago. He scanned the buildings; they seemed uncomfortably quiet and eerie. It was just him and his partner.

“What a minute what’s that?” The one in the passenger seat asked. They stopped the car to see the body of a man. Looking to their left they saw the corpse of another.

“My god. What the hell happened here?” The other said. Then a strange howl sounded.

“What was that? The driver questioned.

“It was him.” The officer said as he looked around nervously.

“Is it playing with us?”

“No, it’s setting us up.” He replied.

On that note Railrunner landed on the hood of the car, he roared in the officer’s faces.


Now this is just gratuitous aggression from Rodney / Railrunner. The policemen hadn’t even caught sight of him yet.


quote:


“Floor it! Floor it now!” the passenger screamed.

The squad car fled in reverse. Railrunner followed it, charging at full speed.

“Oh my god! It’s gonna kill us!”

“It won’t if you keep going.” The cop said firing his gun through the windshield, the bullets only bounced off of Railrunner’s hide. “You know Harrison, I wanted to see this thing, but not like this! Swerve around and go forward!”


Now bullets “only bounced off of Railrunner’s hide”, but a few minutes ago a blindly-thrown knife managed to puncture him in the chest. :psyduck:


quote:


The car swerved sharply and turned frontward. Harrison drove the car towards the city, the cop continued to fire bullets trough [sic the back windshield. Railrunner rammed the car from behind, as the men took a curve onto a busy road, nearly making them lose control. The chase headed toward traffic. Harrison blared his horn, and turned the sirens up full blast.


In contrast to the psychotic Railrunner, we have the heroic policemen indomitably struggling against impossible odds to defend the public against a rampaging mass murderer. Why couldn’t Miranda Leek have written the book from their perspective instead?


quote:


“Get outta the drat way!” he yelled. Railrunner had his eyes on the car; he was not trough [sic with them yet. He sliced trough [sic obstacles. People screamed and ran. He pushed large trucks out of the way. The cop car veered in front of a semi, narrowly missing it. Railrunner leaped over its trailer and landed partially on the roof of the squad car. He sunk his claws through the top of the automobile, going between the two officers inside. They looked at each other in trepidation. Harrison swerved sharply again, and headed down a dark alley. Railrunner was flung off the car, but still he pursued them.

The squad car sped blindly. Railrunner leaped off buildings and their walls. He was furious! Like a volcano that was to erupt at any moment!


A twenty-foot long, twenty thousand ton were-roller-coaster “leaped off buildings and their walls”. :negative:


quote:


“Come on you son of a bitch!” the officer yelled at him.

The car smashed through a chain-linked fence. Railrunner was just a few seconds behind.

“Where now Rob! I can’t lose him!” The driver whimpered.

“Go down Jefferson. It enters into the Mystic Park’s campgrounds; we should be able to get rid of it there.”

The car sped down the road. It headed into a heavily wooded area. Railrunner ran up beside them and bumped the cruiser. The car went off balance, but still didn’t flip. They finally entered the campgrounds.
Railrunner felt a strange gain of power. He was near the park. His heart pumped. He would end this pursuit now.


“Gaining power from proximity to amusement park rides” is and will forever be the dumbest superpower ever.


quote:


Gathering strength he leaped over the car. The men looked at him horrified. Railrunner turned, he raised his tail and smashed it down on the cars [sic] hood, stopping it completely. The men climbed out and prepared to make a run for it. Railrunner raised his claws high in the air. The officers awaited their fate, but suddenly Railrunner retracted them and clutched his chest. With it throbbing, he turned to see that the moon was at its highest. Time for him to be in control.

Railrunner threw his head back and screamed a deafening wail. The policemen grabbed their ears, seizing the chance they fled. Pain sliced through Railrunner. A red mist descended over his eyes as he fell backward onto a tree. His seats shook as his wheels singed. He could feel his own will slowly coming back. His chest bulged as he doubled over onto the ground. He reared back his head and wailed once more. Pain went through him in spasms. He gained more control by every passing second, suddenly it all
stopped.


I just wanted to highlight that the policemen “grabbed” and not “covered” their ears.


quote:


+ + +

I stood up feeling woozy. I looked down at my wheels; they had dried blood on them. I clutched my forehead.

“poo poo, what the hell happened?” I said. That was when I suddenly realized those were my words. I looked at myself all over again. “Am I in control now?” I questioned. I looked ahead to see Mystic Park and all its
rides across the lake. The moon hung high overhead. I blinked my eyes briefly, trying to get them into focus.

“I am in control.”

I then heard a twig snap behind me. I spun around to see Clare. She hesitated, but then she realized I meant no harm.

“Railrunner?” She asked coming to me.

“Yes,” I replied in a surprisingly velvet voice.

“Are you - well you know?”

“I guess I am.” I said glancing at the moon again. I walked over and sat at a base of a tree. I breathed hard in exhaustion from the change. Clare walked closer.


And now Clare displays her own sociopathic tendencies by not running and screaming from this murderous madman.


quote:


“What did I do to deserve such a thing? Why is it me that has to carry this burden upon my chest?” I said aloud. Clare held out her hand towards me. Her fingertips touched my metal.


Dude, take responsibility for your actions. You are totally an uncaring, unrepentant rear end in a top hat in your human form as well.


quote:


“It feels so different; it’s warm and not cold.” She said as she continued to run her fingers down my chest. She stopped on my “breast”. Her hand pressed firmly against it.


You don’t have to put quotation marks around that word, Miranda. Men have breasts too, you know.


quote:


“You have a heartbeat.” She said looking into my eyes. “A heart. Not clockwork.”

I got up without a reply and walked to the edge of the lake. Clare warily toddled up beside me.

“You know Clare, you are right let’s just be friends.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not sure Clare; I’m still confused why I am what I really am. I haven’t been able to focus lately.” I said.

Clare did not reply, she got on a different subject.

“Ever rode on them?” she said pointing to the track.

“No.”

“Strange, a roller coaster not running on rails.”

“Clare, I’m not what you call a normal roller coaster.” I said admitting a small grin.

“I can see that Railrunner, can I ask you a favor?”

“What”?

“My car is back at the mall, and I need a vehicle to take me home - so, can I have a ride?”

I turned and looked at her, was she really serious?

“Clare I’m not a car let alone a charter service.”

“Railrunner, you’re a vehicle.”

“I am a monster [No full stop]

“Come on Railrunner.” She said almost begging.

I thought about it some more, I decided to give in.

“Fine. Hop on.”

She nodded as I lowered myself down where I was on all of my wheels.

Clare climbed into my first car (my head). She sat on my leather seat and took a long deep breath.

“Watch your head.” I said bringing my restraint down again. She obeyed as it went over her small body.

“Okay.”


Man, Clare sure is fast to put her trust in someone who tried to murder her yesterday and whom she just saw brutally killing people who had already surrendered and lost the will to fight.


quote:


“Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.” I said a little annoyed. Clare was trying to get on my good side after she had blown me off. I was still upset with her a little ever since this morning.


“Me me me me me ME!”


quote:


I bolted into the woods; it went on for miles and passed by Clare’s house. My wheels dug into the mossy forest floor as I ran.

In the distance I heard sirens, but the police were nowhere near us. We were nothing but a blur against the dense vegetation. I thought to myself as I ran. As a roller coaster, I was living under no rules and regulations. I was experiencing true freedom for the first time; I was running with the moon.


You aren’t a were-wolf, you’re a were-roller-coaster. Why do you care about “running with the moon”? Aaargh!


quote:


The wind whistled as I moved. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Clare. She gripped tightly on my restraint and there was a happy expression on her face, grinning from ear to ear and letting the wind blow through her blond hair. Just like her expression she made speeding along the track.


And YOU! You are sitting on a wanted mass murderer! One who tried to kill you one day ago! Why are you so gosh-darn happy?


quote:


However, this coaster she was riding now did not always run on rails. This coaster was more than just metal and leather; it was also flesh and blood. This coaster was for more than to just scare and thrill, it was formed for combat and sorcery. Clare was riding on a twisted coaster, the roller coaster of Amusement Park Between.


Wait, now he gets “sorcery” as well? Does he get super-weaving next chapter?


quote:


A few minutes later, I arrived at Clare’s neighborhood. I crept undetected among the houses. Only the insects stirred because of my heavy steps. Then I entered Clare’s yard. I stopped, and she hopped off and unlocked her backdoor.

“Thank you Railrunner.” She said shutting the door. Then I sensed something within Clare, she still loved me.


Clare is either dumb as a box of rocks or as sociopathic in her own way as Rodney / Railrunner. The number of unlikable characters in this series continues to rise chapter by chapter.


quote:


I simply nodded. “Clare [No punctuation mark]” I began.

“Yes Railrunner,” she said through the screen.

“Do you promise to not tell anyone about the real me?”

She smiled. “I do, good night Railrunner.” Clare finished waving. I watched her disappear inside her house, looking back once to smile before disappearing. I then turned to leave, Clare’s cat, Mittens, hissed at me. I crouched low and gave a dragon-like hiss in return.


Do dragons “hiss”? Aren’t they supposed to roar? And what the hell do roller-coasters have to do with dragons?

Also, gratuitous animal cruelty. Clare has the worst taste in men males.


quote:


Mittens yowled in fear, awakening the dogs. Their barks upset their sleeping masters, I left before I was seen. I wondered about Clare, deep down we both still loved each other. But the real me was tearing us apart. Where am I going to go to ponder my thoughts? And spend the remainder of the night? Then referring to Clare’s words, I had an idea.

A few minutes later I stood at the gates of Mystic Park. I climbed over them easily and into the park itself. A reassuring comfort entered my body. I walked through the unfilled buildings and kiosk. It felt strange to see this place deserted. As I navigated through the park I felt myself getting stronger, before I knew it, I was standing at the foot of the steel coaster.

I walked up the stairs into the boarding area; the unliving trains had been put up for the night. I looked up the lift hill, I climbed up the stairway that I walked on when I was coaster walking. I wanted to get on the rails at the top to see what would happen. Then I reached the peak.

I placed a set of wheels on the track; a jolt of power ran through my body. Curious, I got completely onto the rails. Power flooded my body, rattling it to the core. The power I was experiencing was different, it was more - concentrated. Then instinct took over.

Wind whipped my face as I sped down the hill. Power now was at its greatest point. I felt like I could never be restrained. I raced along at blinding speeds; I rocketed up the next hill and jumped the rails, only to land on the base of the hill. I rounded a helix, leaving the rails again, doing a move like I was on a skateboard. Only this was a different matter and I was my own wheels.

I looped upside down and went through a corkscrew, roaring in pleasure as I did so. I felt better than I did in my entire life. After the ride was over, I ran the circuit some more; I lost count on how many laps I had done. I entered the station for the last time. I got off the track and prepared to head home, it was nearly morning.

“So how do you like it?” a voice asked behind me. I figured out it was Thunderbark.

“How did you know I was here?” I said turning to see the white coaster in the moonlight.

“A roller coaster knows when one is rolling. As I asked before, how did you like it?”

“It was - unbelievable.”

“Yes a coaster is most powerful if it is one with the rails.”

“Interesting.”

Then Thunderbark placed his wheels on the track, they magically adjusted to fit the rails like a normal coaster’s would. However they didn’t fit quite right. “Of coarse [sic] since I’m a woodie they are not going to fit.” He said. Then Thunderbark walked up to me, he looked around to see if there was anybody about.

“Railrunner, we have a task to do. You know where the history museum is right?”

“Of course.”

“Meet me there first thing tomorrow.”

“All right,” I said leaving. Then a thought crossed my mind. Why did he say we had a task to do?


So this town has a police station, a hotel, an amusement park, and a museum, but is also close to vast tracts of forest and is sufficiently rural that a twenty foot long, twenty thousand ton were-roller-coaster can sneak around in the open without being immediately detected.

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


How convenient that Rodney just happens to come across his ex-girlfriend being mugged by rollercoaster train fodder right after she dumped him. If we weren't in his POV I would be arguing that he'd set it up to put Clare in her place. "Here's fifty bucks, go threaten this woman so I can chase you off and look heroic - no of course I won't turn into a rollercoaster train and murder you horribly, that would be ridiculous."

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


quote:

“My god why!” I said trying to hold back my anger. “I am a monster! I almost killed her! She tried to kill me! I am of roller coaster blood! We can never be together! Never ever again!”

This is a thing of beauty. :allears:

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






Guys, guys. How the gently caress did Clare beat Railrunner and a speeding cop car to the loving amusement park on foot?!

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Mercedes posted:

Guys, guys. How the gently caress did Clare beat Railrunner and a speeding cop car to the loving amusement park on foot?!

Miranda's Magic

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012



Why would he have a heart of clockwork? Rollercoasters aren't powered by clockwork.

I really think this is a magical story though. :allears:

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Miranda is lazy. That whole thing with thugs robbing Clare is just one of it. Though that incident is worth remembering in the long term.

But for an another example of her lazyness, I would like you to see this image:



This is from the night before, where Railrunner changes at the carnival. Look at that goddamn moon. Unless this story takes place in the southern hemisphere it's waning. And even if it were waxing it would be still few more days until the full moon.

It's just telling how little research went into the book other than some random amusement park rides facts.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



JosephWongKS posted:

This whole section really feels like a bullied child’s fevered revenge fantasy.

Nah, it's not really a revenge fantasy so much as it is the oldest superhero cliché in the book. Some helpless young (or occasionally elderly) woman is being accosted by muggers in a dark alley! It's up to ~our hero~ to beat back the vicious foes and provide a quick demonstration of how his/her powers work in a self-contained crisis where the bad guys are incontrovertibly evil and deserving of punishment!

One thing I will give Miranda credit for: the mugger did not throw his gun once the bullets were spent. He still managed to do disproportional damage with a knife, but even so, points for trying.

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


The knife had a silver blade, obviously.

Actually, maybe it was a carney knife; it would make sense that his body would be impervious to everything except that made of carnival.

GrizzlyCow
May 30, 2011


Kjoery posted:

The knife had a silver blade, obviously.

Actually, maybe it was a carney knife; it would make sense that his body would be impervious to everything except that made of carnival.

It was a +2 Bane Dagger of Coasters.

Mischalaniouse
Nov 7, 2009

*ribbit*

I still find it totally bizarre that Clare now refers to him as nothing but "Railrunner" despite having known him as Rodney for, ostensibly, years. If my boyfriend came to me and told me that he was in actuality a magical fairy prince named Bedoodidoo, I don't think I'd just start calling him that like it was the most normal thing in the world.

The transformation sequence with the robbers is probably the most awkwardly written thing I've ever seen.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Okay what the gently caress Miranda? I was promised roller coaster on roller coaster combat.
So far I got a monster story about the coolest police precinct in America from the point of the monster. Rob and Harrison are supposed to be the deadmeat characters and yet look at them. One manages to outmaneuver our were-coaster while scared out of his wits. The second tries out some Lethal Weapon poo poo by firing at it from the back windshield.
Hell, Harrison even managed to throw Rairunner off. The only reason the latter recovered was because of ~Protagonist Plot Powers~

quote:

I bolted into the woods; it went on for miles and passed by Clare’s house. My wheels dug into the mossy forest floor as I ran.

In the distance I heard sirens, but the police were nowhere near us. We were nothing but a blur against the dense vegetation. I thought to myself as I ran. As a roller coaster, I was living under no rules and regulations. I was experiencing true freedom for the first time; I was running with the moon.

...

The wind whistled as I moved. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Clare. She gripped tightly on my restraint and there was a happy expression on her face, grinning from ear to ear and letting the wind blow through her blond hair. Just like her expression she made speeding along the track.

A whole new wooooorrrrrlllld...~

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012



I'd love to see a Syfy film adaptation of this book, get some terrible over the top actors and it'd be great especially lines like:

quote:

“Railrunner, you’re a vehicle.”

“I am a monster”

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






SSNeoman posted:


A whole new wooooorrrrrlllld...~

Holy poo poo I laughed harder than I should
have at this joke

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


:siren: GUEST REVIEW BY ICED COCOA :siren:


Chapter 12 – Investigations of Separate Species


I hate the fact that this book exists and I'll tell you all about it.


quote:

The next morning I got up early to yet again see myself on the news. After getting tired of hearing it, I got into my car and headed for the museum. After my arrival, I parked and locked my door and then turned to see Thunderbark behind me. He held two photography cameras and press badges.

“Thunderbark, what are we doing exactly?” I said raising an eyebrow.

“We are acting as members of the press, they are the only ones allowed in today. Railrunner, the museum is hosting a new exhibit, Unknown Artifacts.”

“So -.”

“Here are your instructions,” he said handing the gear to me. “Don’t speak unless you are asked to, and follow my lead. Got that?”

Wait, a museum in a small idyllic town? We know that amusement parks are usually by smaller towns not that far away from cities, but it's been already established that there are farms and enough space around for hunting deers. I think there was a description of the town somewhere...


quote:

I sat calmly in my seat listening to music as I steered the sports car along the wooded roads of Huntersberg, a quiet town in which nothing had ever happened. Huntersberg got its name from the lush woods that surrounded it; the forest was a gold mine for those who desired big game. However, Huntersberg finally got onto the map when Mystic Park was built, making the undetectable city not only for hunters but also thrill seekers as well. I tried to make my way to the summer escape before, but I was robbed of that because of the countless hours I spent at the factory, time that was wasted in the end,. Now I was to finally go to Huntersburg’s playground; because I had an invitation and a reason to be there.

Oookay... Both a town and a city and has two different names in the same paragraph. :psyduck: I guess asking why there is a museum with a special "Unknown Artifacts" exhibit can exist in a rural town/city is moot. Usually small towns have a museum which is just some guy collecting stuff. I guess some guy buys some strange things on ebay and touts them as artifacts of ancient times when Snopes clearly says they're not.


quote:

“Umm, sure.” I said trailing him to the entrance of the museum. A man at the entrance asked us to hold up our tags, we passed through undetected. Thunderbark guided me to the elevator, he pressed floor 6. The doors opened and we stepped onto the new level. There was scarcely anybody around. Only one or two press members. We began to walk among the exhibit’s artifacts; however we didn’t stop to snap any pictures. Thunderbark was looking for something, something important. Then we went into a very secluded dark room containing jewelry. Pieces were displayed in separate cases with their own lighting system. Then we arrived at the back of the room. Thunderbark stopped and gazed at the thing in front of us in awe.

“The Augu Ra.” He said.

Inside the case was a golden necklace. Ancient writing was on every bead, even the moon shaped amulet that hung on the chain. Then Thunderbark spoke up again.

Thunderbark, shut up for a moment because I need to say something.



This is the Augu Ra. I found it on Miranda's DA.

By the power of having suffered through the book before, I know for a fact that the necklace appeared in "the real world" sometimes in or after 1972.

Now who the hell would look at this thing and decide that it's worth investigating because it might be some ancient thing or whatever? It's a crescent moon and on it is a mine cart train thing with a face. Yet someone apparently latched on it and thought that it was worth investigating. And it's important enough to be put in a darkened room away from the other exhibits instead of being easily accessible.

And another thing, note that I said here "the real world". Because this is how Thunderbark has so far referred to the world of the humans. I would have thought that he and other living amusement park rides would think "Amusement Park Between" to be the real world.


quote:

“Rodney, the Augu Ra is the necklace of the red roller coaster. It will give you the power to transform in this word whenever you want. It has powers that are very vital to you and to be discovered.”

Oh good, even more powers. Now he can change at will, and some other unspecified powers tied to the necklace.


quote:

“So you’re saying this big chunk of gold is mine?”

“For one thing it’s not gold, Rodney. It’s made out of the rarest metal of our entire world. Firinium.” He said taking his ring off. It matched the necklace, same eerie markings.

“All Amusement Park Between residents need a bit of Firinium on, before they enter our world. Every ride has a ring.”

Is it also a requirement of every object made of this metal to be inscribed with those markings?

Also, if they need Firinium on before they enter Amusement Park Between, would it mean that other living rides have to give them some Firinium jewelry when they're still machines? But if Firinium is from the Amusement Park Between how did it start? Is it some “chicken and egg” thing? Or is Thunderbark talking about "the real world" again?

Miranda! :argh:

Actually, this will never come up again. None of it. :suicide:


quote:

“Woody, how come I have a necklace?” I asked perplexed.

“Because you Rodney are a red roller coaster. They only come along after another dies. Reds are automatically destined for greatness. The Augu Ra has belonged to every red coaster there ever was, all the way back to the beginning.”

And Thunderbark decides not to answer Rodney's question. Why a necklace? I guess he's just so frustrated that Railrunner cannot really figure out by himself that even though Thunderbark has a ring it doesn't mean that everyone else does.

quote:

“Again, interesting.”

“Now help me snap some picks [sic] of the area.” Thunderbark said bending down and taking odd picks [sic] of the room’s corners and ceiling. Every image containing a surveillance camera, making me wonder.

“Why are we doing this?”

“Rodney, the reason why is we have to steal the Augu Ra is in order for us all to get back into Amusement Park Between.”

“WHAT!”

Apparently this is a big enough museum to have six or more floors, and a small room filled with jewelry has security cameras, plural.

quote:

+ + +

Detective Black passed back and forth across the meeting room of the police station. Five of the sheriffs sat at the meeting table drinking coffee. Everyone anxiously awaited the arrival of the FBI. Then Detective Black sat down at the end of the table, he scanned through photos, he suddenly put them down as the men he inquired about came through the double doors.

Five sheriffs? From what wikipedia tells there is one sheriff for a county or about so. I guess when a living Roller coaster has attacked the town/city twice, they need to call in everyone nearby, including neighbouring counties.

I guess at that point it's time to bring in the FBI?


quote:

“Morning gentlemen, take a seat.” Black started. The FBI’s men sat at the remaining spots, their captain sat at the other end, a lean man with silver hair and a solemn stare. He then cleared his throat to speak.

“All right Detective, give me some details on this abomination.”

Detective Black walked over to the dry erase board and took a remote from the shelf that housed the markers. He then switched the projector on. The frightening image of Railrunner appeared. All of the men from the FBI gawked and pointed.

“Dear god is that the thing you are talking about detective!” He said befuddled.

“Yes, that is the red roller coaster. It’s terrorized us every night since Tuesday.” Detective Black announced as he changed from one image of Railrunner to the next.

“Let me ask you Detective, is this a hoax you made up?” the captain said changing his outlook.

“You say this is a hoax?” Black replied as he played the video of Railrunner ransacking Snooks.

“Well then, what do you make of it Black? Robot or beast?” The captain said, staring deeply at Detective Black.

“Captain,” Black started sternly, “No technology in the world could be this advanced.”

“So this is a beast then?”

Detective Black is such a badass that everyone else recognizes his badassery and despite the fact that he's just a Detective, he can boss everyone around, including five sheriffs.


quote:

“Yes. There are various things to support this statement. It only attacks at night, so it seems to be nocturnal. It eats meat, particularly cattle. It has organs and senses. And a predatory drive. Plus I’ve seen this thing a little to [sic] close, I’ve fired at it, and it made me bleed my own blood.” He stated as he pulled up his shirt to reveal the slashes made by Railrunner. Several men gasped in horror.

:black101:

And Detective Black is such a badass that he doesn't have any bandages around injuries he received only two nights ago. Only so that he can show off the injuries he got.


quote:

“Hmmm - very interesting detective. Is [sic] there any other pieces of information that is valuable?

“Yes sir, after further investigations, we think an individual is involved with this.”

“Really?” The captain questioned.

“Yes.” Black said putting an image of Rodney on the screen. “This is Rodney Phillips. Witnesses say he was present at Snooks at the night of the attack. Some say he left a few seconds before the coaster arrived. He was also present at the carnival right before the attack and some affirm that they saw him at the mall on the night Mr. Roller Coaster decided to go shopping for flesh. Point is he is our main concern for one big reason.”

Detective Black has been busy! He has had time to interview every single witness and figure out from their descriptions of the several people that were at the carnival, bar and mall that there was a single person with the same description at all locations, then he figured out who this person was just from descriptions and not plastering a sketch of him on TV and cross his fingers that someone would call in.


quote:

“What is that Detective?”

“His job is at Mystic Park, as a roller coaster engineer.” Black smiled deviously.

The FBI captain rubbed his chin in thought. “All right here is what we do. Our forces will search the city for the coaster by day; we want to catch that bastard off guard. Have Rodney interviewed, I want every one of his secrets squeezed out of him.”

How are you going to catch someone off guard when "your forces" will be searching the city and already make news announcement about hunting down the beast? At least, they're not going to catch him relaxed.


quote:

“Captain we have no records showing where Rodney lives and we can’t get him at work because the park is on its off season.”

“drat it Black! [No closing quotation mark] The captain said standing and shouting. “Do you have any other suggestions!”

“Well sir, I know where his girlfriend resides.” Black replied. He suddenly smiled wickedly to himself.

“Good! Gentlemen!” the captain announced. “We will capture this monster, and show no clemency!”

What's so hard about finding an address? Especially for cops?


quote:

+ + +

Thunderbark and I walked out to my car. I got in the drivers side as he got into the passengers. We shut the doors, and then started talking.

“Thunderbark! This is insane!”

“I know, but it is a risk that we will have to take, Railrunner.” Thunderbark replied sympathetically.

“So you’re just saying bust in and take it! That will lead the police here faster than I don’t know what!” I objected.

“I have a plan. You and my troop will carry it out. Static will disable the alarm, when he is done, Merrylegs will guard the first floor, allowing nobody entry. She will destroy the video cameras on the first floor and the second, Static will do the rest. That is when you and I will fetch the Augu Ra.”

But the Augu Ra is on display on the sixth floor? And how will she guard the first floor if she's destroying cameras on both first and second floor? I don't think Thunderbark really had a plan and just wanted Railrunner to shut up.


quote:

“You are fanatical, but - this may be possible. Say did you drive here?”

He laughed. “No, I don’t ride around in silly vehicles like this, I have my own wheels.”

I smiled at him.

“I wouldn’t have bought a car if I had known I had wheels earlier.” I replied.

So can Thunderbark change at will since he came to the museum on his own power? Or did he camp out there ever since the sun rose? Was he banking on Railrunner to give him a ride back?


quote:

+ + +

Clare sat on her couch wrapped in her blanket drinking hot coco. She watched the news broadcast, Railrunner was always the top story, always breaking news. Nowadays it was always about her love. Clare was uneasy and on edge, the cup vibrated a little in her hand. She had not eaten well in the last few days and felt drained because of it. All because she had accidentally found out Rodney’s secret, or should she say Railrunner’s.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on her door, making Clare jump in surprise, almost spilling her hot chocolate. She got up and walked to her front door, and peered through the peephole. She gasped, men in suits stood there, the letters FBI were stitched across their overcoats. They are trying to find Railrunner! The words echoed inside her head. She had no choice but to answer the door.

“How may I help you gentlemen?” Clare said as she tried to smile warmly.

“FBI,” the captain said holding up his badge. “Miss Clare we are entering your premises to do an investigation and to ask you a few questions.”

She hesitated, but then let the men through. Clare sat back down on her couch. The FBI captain sat across from her.

“Miss Clare I am Captain Vick. I am going to ask you a few questions regarding your boyfriend, Rodney Philips. We are recording your responses.”

I guess Detective Black is being a badass elsewhere. At least "Captain" Vick tries to fill in his shoes, doesn't care about any proper police procedure along with ignoring the fact that the rank of "Captain" does not exist within FBI rank structure.


quote:

“Ok,” Clare said trying to not look nervous.

“We believe Rodney is involved with the red roller coaster, there is evidence to support this. Rodney was visible at all of the locations where the coaster attacked. In addition, he knows their engineering by working at the park here. Clare, do you know if Rodney has had any connections with this thing?”

“He does not have connections.” Clare replied trying to remain calm.

“Well, do you ever hear Rodney talking about the coaster?”

“No sir, he only talks about the normal ones at the park.” She said lying.

Rodney hasn't been a roller coaster engineer for a week, yet it's easier to find that out than his address. Did we miss a scene at the bar where he announces to everyone that he's a roller coaster engineer?


quote:

“Clare, we know something is going on with Rodney. You can’t deny it any longer.”

Clare’s heart hammered in her chest.

That can't be healthy.


quote:

“Rodney is not involved with any of this! If he was he would tell me.” She replied roughly.

“Clare don’t over react. Lots of men have deep dark secrets. Those are the ones that they do not dare speak of.”

“Rodney tells me everything, even his secrets.” Clare said sternly.

“What are they then?” Vick asked leaning forward.

Clare stared at him. She was running out of comebacks. She opened her mouth to say something, but she found herself looking out the window, the sun was beginning to go down, there was not but an hour left in the day. They were running out of time. And she would do anything to stall them.

“Miss Clare, I asked you a question.” Vick continued.

“Sorry, Rodney told me once that he was an orphan.” She replied, and this time she wasn’t lying.

Of course he is. There needs to be some sort of "Bad Fiction Bingo" or "Mary Sue Bingo". Mysterious destiny, unique individual, part of a society and unique in it as well, Powers out of the wazoo, Is orphan? I think we'll hit BINGO before we're halfway through this book.


quote:

+ + +

Detective Black sat in his dark office smoking a cigarette and scanning through the coaster case. He constantly looked at pictures of Railrunner, examining him all ways possible. He looked at pictures of Rodney. He opened his mouth and let out a large puff of smoke.

“What are you hiding, that you don’t want me to know?” Black questioned himself. He looked at the picture of Rodney again. Then put Railrunner’s beside Rodney’s on the screen. He looked at them closely, that’s when he caught something. He zoomed in on them both. His eyes widened at what he saw.

The tattoos on Rodney’s arm matched the markings on Railrunner’s. And they both had the same gold eyebrow piercing. Detective Black realized his prediction was wrong.

“Well, Rodney, looks like you’ve been hiding a dirty little secret after all.”

Black! :swoon: Solve the mystery of the Red Rampaging Roller Coaster all by yourself. You don't need no stinking FBI agents "Captain"


quote:

+ + +

“An orphan?” questioned Vick. “When did he tell you this?”

“Long time ago.” Clare began as she started to put Railrunner’s missing pieces of his puzzle together.

“Really? Did he say where he was from?”

“Well, let’s see,” Clare said trying to think of a place other than Amusement Park Between. “He is from Tennessee.” She lied.

Of course he is.


quote:

“Clare, did Rodney mention at any time in your relationship the subject of roller coasters?”

Clare could feel herself sweat a little. There had been many times Railrunner had mentioned coasters.

“No not really,” she said.

Vick rubbed his chin. He was getting tired and frustrated. Then he leaned closer to her.

“Clare, how many times have you actually seen the monster? Was Rodney with you?”

"Have you seen them at the same time? Has anyone seen them together?"

Clare, it's hard to like you. In fact it's impossible. Everything that's about you is about Railrunner. You don't have a shred of individuality and you only exist to serve as some plot device for Railrunner. Usually when someone is such a blank slate, it's for the reader to interject themselves into the story into that role. This was done in the Twilight books where Bella was so bland every-day girl and helped with propelling Twilight as the hottest book ever. However, in Twisted!, this falls flat because of a simple fact. The book is about Railrunner. It's not a romance novel about his undying love for her or the other way around. This is a novel about a hero who will prevail and defeat the bad guy in the end. The focus will never stay on Clare for long enough to "live" her in the novel.


quote:

Before Clare could answer, Captain Vick’s phone rang. She sighed in relief.

“This is Vick.” He responded.

“It’s Black.” Vicks volume was up on high on his phone and Clare could hear his every word.

“Found anything, Detective?”

“Yes, I certainly have. I wouldn’t waste anymore time, I looked through old files and found his residence. Meet me at the location, and Captain, bring reinforcements, you’ll need every one of them.”

Oh my god, Black knows! Clare thought. Vick quickly hung up and scrambled his men out the door. A few seconds later Clare picked up the phone and dialed Railrunner’s number. The sun was starting to set.

+ + +

Detective Black, who's too cool to be looking up Rodney's address in the white pages and has to dig it up in the old files. And he did it at a record speed. I would like to nominate Black as the true hero of Twisted!

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012



Unfortunately as Detective Black is not a rollercoaster Miranda hasn't drawn any art of him, so have this as a consolation.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Geokinesis posted:

Unfortunately as Detective Black is not a rollercoaster Miranda hasn't drawn any art of him, so have this as a consolation.

:nms: that thing, man. :gonk:

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


JosephWongKS posted:

:nms: that thing, man. :gonk:
If you look carefully, it's also :nws: :eng101:

Honestly I'd much rather see a drawing of a bloodied Detective Black leaping at a roller-coaster with a machete.

crime weed fucked around with this message at 15:53 on Apr 14, 2013

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."


Why does he have a navel?!? :cry:

JosephWongKS posted:

Thunderbark, shut up for a moment because I need to say something.



This is the Augu Ra. I found it on Miranda's DA.

...Now who the hell would look at this thing and decide that it's worth investigating because it might be some ancient thing or whatever? It's a crescent moon and on it is a mine cart train thing with a face. Yet someone apparently latched on it and thought that it was worth investigating. And it's important enough to be put in a darkened room away from the other exhibits instead of being easily accessible.

Lunatics. The "Ancient Aliens" guy, people who apparently thought "V" was a documentary, Young Earth creationists. Probably the last group in particular since they will look at something like this:



And say that it (alone among the other images of fanciful animals on the very same temple) is proof positive that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. Because it looks like a stegosaurus, you see. Well, if your only reference for what a stegosaurus must have looked like in life is the marshmallow shape in this cereal rather than, say, this. They'd probably say Railruiner's image on that pendant thing is meant to be a tyrannosaurus, known for their giant heads and... wheels...

Anyway, everything in these past two chapters has been the most wonderful thing in the world. But especially this:

SSNeoman posted:

A whole new wooooorrrrrlllld...

Where did I put my Sketchbook... loving A, these characters are hard to draw!



This is exactly what I deserve for trying to give Railrunner more reasonable anatomy. There was no saving Clare.

Rahonavis fucked around with this message at 00:09 on Apr 15, 2013

Mo_Steel
Mar 7, 2008

Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together



Fun Shoe

Geokinesis posted:

Unfortunately as Detective Black is not a rollercoaster Miranda hasn't drawn any art of him, so have this as a consolation.



Spoilers dude, he's wearing the necklace when we clearly haven't gotten that far yet. :mad:

I figured out why I love this thread: it's basically MST3K in book format.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Kjoery posted:

Honestly I'd much rather see a drawing of a bloodied Detective Black leaping at a roller-coaster with a machete.

Ask and you shall receive.



Got a non-SA friend of mine, Coydog, to draw this for me. I guess I'll have to give my friend some massive load of booze in apology.

Also this conversation followed:

Coydog: It's actually worse than Miranda's
Iced Cocoa: I know, but who wants to put some effort into drawing her stuff?
Coydog: That's all the effort it deserves.

Edit: JPEG artifacts because it was breaking tables. Original here

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 00:34 on Apr 15, 2013

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



JosephWongKS posted:

Apparently this is a big enough museum to have six or more floors, and a small room filled with jewelry has security cameras, plural.
:stare:

I don't think most major museums have six floors, at least not ones that can be accessed by the public. Usually they're built as sprawling affairs, and if they aren't donated or appropriated mansions, then they're patterned after such. Then again, more modern museums tend to be built more vertically, so what do I know?

quote:

Five sheriffs? From what wikipedia tells there is one sheriff for a county or about so. I guess when a living Roller coaster has attacked the town/city twice, they need to call in everyone nearby, including neighbouring counties.
Sheriffs run county police the way commissioners or chiefs run municipal police. County officers are commonly called deputies, whether full time or brought in for a specific case, like for a manhunt. And now you know more about American police systems than Miranda.

Another note: most county police don't have the budget for specialty professions, such as CSI or detectives, and so a fellow like Detective Black would most likely be brought in from the nearest city to help with the case, much like these FBI agents. But then the community is evidently big enough to house a six-story museum, so who the hell knows?

quote:

Detective Black has been busy! He has had time to interview every single witness and figure out from their descriptions of the several people that were at the carnival, bar and mall that there was a single person with the same description at all locations, then he figured out who this person was just from descriptions and not plastering a sketch of him on TV and cross his fingers that someone would call in.
Black would actually have a leg up on that, since Rodney's friends were apparently also there that night, and so they'd have a name and could look up a photograph of him to use for identification with later witnesses. As to how they wouldn't get his address since they probably got his driver's license, I have no idea, especially since if he moved after getting it the location wouldn't be in an "old file."

Nyaa
Jan 7, 2010
Like, Nyaa.

:colbert:


I think Miranda just doesn't want to expand narration into other city/town so she jam every plot setting into this Huntersberg/Hunterburg because :effort:

Hmm, yessss, this is Detective Black alright! :swoon:

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Rahonavis posted:

Where did I put my Sketchbook... loving A, these characters are hard to draw!



This is exactly what I deserve for trying to give Railrunner more reasonable anatomy. There was no saving Clare.

:allears: You even got Clare's tombstone teeth in that picture!

I imagine Detective black to be more of an older dude, he seems so over this poo poo. I picture him more like this guy:

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Rahonavis posted:

Where did I put my Sketchbook... loving A, these characters are hard to draw!



This is exactly what I deserve for trying to give Railrunner more reasonable anatomy. There was no saving Clare.

my dad posted:

Replace the wheels with big sticky toes (like those on tree frogs)(check), replace the seats with large scales or bony plates (like those on a Stegosaurus), keep the segmented body, but remove the empty space between the segments(check), and do something about the final segment so that it doesn't look like someone flattened it with a cleaver(check).

OK, I'll admit it, I was flat-out wrong. Even someone who can draw can't make this werecoaster thing work. I really love your depiction of Clare, though. :allears:

Also, the :saddowns: in your signature made me laugh way too much.

edit: Mind you, I don't know poo poo about drawing, so it's quite possible that I'm missing a fuckton of things that are wrong with the sketch. I can only judge drawing by the emotion it brings up in me.

my dad fucked around with this message at 08:03 on Apr 15, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Rahonavis posted:

Where did I put my Sketchbook... loving A, these characters are hard to draw!



This is exactly what I deserve for trying to give Railrunner more reasonable anatomy. There was no saving Clare.

I think you managed to render Clare just perfectly :magical:

And JWKS, it might be time to put stuff in your currently empty contents post.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Iced Cocoa posted:

I think you managed to render Clare just perfectly :magical:

And JWKS, it might be time to put stuff in your currently empty contents post.


I've updated my second post with all the chapter reviews, dramatic readings and fanart contributions.

JosephWongKS posted:

Contents Page

0. Blurb, Acknowledgments and Prologue

1. Review of Chapter 1

2. Review of Chapter 2

3. Review of Chapter 3
3A. Picture of Rodney (Provided by EagerSleeper)
3B. Dramatic reading of Chapter 3 (Performed by Mercedes)

4. Review of Chapter 4
4A. Dramatic reading of Chapter 4 (Performed by Mercedes)

5. Review of Chapter 5
5A. Dramatic reading of Chapter 5 (Performed by Mercedes)
5B. Fanart of Rodney and the bartender (Drawn by EagerSleeper)

6. Review of Chapter 6
6A. Miranda Leek's character bio for Railrunner
6B. Miranda Leek's drawings of Railrunner's retractable wheel-claws (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
6C. Dramatic reading of Chapter 6 (Performed by Mercedes)
6D. Miranda Leek's drawings of an ultrasound image of a roller-coaster fetus (Provided by Geokinesis)

6.5 Interlude between Chapter 6 and Chapter 7

7. Guest review of Chapter 7 (Provided by Mercedes)
7A. Alternative book cover 1 (Provided by my dad the SA goon known as "my dad")
7B. Alternative book cover 2 (Provided by the SA goon known as "my dad")

8. Review of Chapter 8
8A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner's head (Provided by alcharagia)

9. Guest review of Chapter 9 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
9A. Miranda Leek's character bio for Thunderbark
9C. Miranda Leek's Deviantart drawing of a roller-coaster-weasel (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
9D. Miranda Leek's character bio for Merrylegs
9E. Miranda Leek's character bio for Static
9F. Dramatic reading of Chapter 9 (Performed by the SA goon known as "my dad")

10. Review of Chapter 10
10A. "About the Author and the Illustrator"
10B. :nms: Miranda Leek's character bio for Shadowtrack (Provided by SSNeoman) :nms:
10C. Picture of adorable dog to cleanse your mind after seeing Shadowtrack's picture (Provided by Dreggon)

11. Review of Chapter 11

12. Guest review of Chapter 12 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
12A. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner's crotch (Provided by Geokinesis) :nms:
12B. Fanart of Clare riding on Railrunner (Drawn by Rahonavis)
12C. Fanart of Detective Black attacking Railrunner with a machete (Drawn by Iced Cocoa's friend Coydog)

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 08:59 on Apr 15, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



JosephWongKS posted:

Now bullets “only bounced off of Railrunner’s hide”, but a few minutes ago a blindly-thrown knife managed to puncture him in the chest. :psyduck:

I think this has to do with movie logic. Of course bullets will bounce off metal as shown in the movies, but in order to show that Railrunner can be vulnerable in some way, he has to get stabbed. It doesn't matter for Miranda that knives will also bounce off metal, but it seems that only when it comes to bullets Railrunner's skin is metal.

Because how else is your precious mary sue going to look cool because bullets have no effect but still have some sort of vulnerability just so that you can claim that your precious mary sue is not invincible, totally ignoring the healing factor.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011





Ugh, gently caress. She didn't actually draw that, did she?

Let's get a dog out again.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."


my dad posted:

OK, I'll admit it, I was flat-out wrong. Even someone who can draw can't make this werecoaster thing work. I really love your depiction of Clare, though. :allears:

Also, the :saddowns: in your signature made me laugh way too much.

edit: Mind you, I don't know poo poo about drawing, so it's quite possible that I'm missing a fuckton of things that are wrong with the sketch. I can only judge drawing by the emotion it brings up in me.

Aw, thanks! :blush:

There are some things wrong with this drawing (but mostly the fact that it's depicting an utter doormat who is riding in her murderous boyfriend who is a were-rollercoaster/dragon/personification of DeviantArt throwing up all over itself), since I wasn't keen on putting much :effort: into... not-a-fan art?

E: Well, for shits and giggles, I went to look at the other art in the Miranda's Magic website and...

Rahonavis posted:

There's something about Railrunner's behavior, the "broody dude learns he's really a super-awesome magical creature" plot, how little the author seems to care about the other ride characters, and especially the design of the roller-coasters and their powers that make me wonder if maybe Ms. Leeks used to be just another crazy dragon person on DeviantArt. Then one day, very likely due to Internet Drama, she decided, "Well, now my dragons are ALSO roller-coasters! Because I need to be more different and special than YOU!"

Seems I may have at least been right about the dragon obsession. What's crazy is her rendering skills are pretty good throughout and that she has pages of animal anatomy studies. And it's kind of depressing when a few of the pieces look like this:





But then most of them look like this:





E:

SSNeoman posted:

To be fair, those dinosaur things are alright. It looks close enough to the dinosaur species that eventually evolved into birds.

Have you... have you ever seen a bird?

Rahonavis fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Apr 16, 2013

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




To be fair, those dinosaur things are alright. It looks close enough to the dinosaur species that eventually evolved into birds.

She can't draw humans proportionally to save her life though. And her fantasy images are pretty iffy at best.

And those watermarks, goddamn.

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


The whole thing reeks of FYIAD-syndrome. Honestly you could replace all instances of "roller coaster" and "coaster" with dragon and the story would be perfectly coherent - still make sense - Still Make As Much Sense As It Previously Did.

quote:

This is the best thread.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


List of damage caused by Railrunner

Chapter 4

1. Shattered the beer bottles being held by his friends Buddy and Sly, injuring their hands
2. Killed a cat
3. Wrecked the ambulance that came in response to Buddy and Sly's injuries
4. Wrecked a bar
5. Attacked the bar-owner
6. Attacked the police officers who came in response to the chaos


Chapter 5

7. Killed and ate a bull


Chapter 8

8. Attacked his girlfriend Clare


Chapter 9

9. Attacked Detective Black when he jumped in front of Clare to defend her from Railrunner's assault
10. Ran through the carnival, destroying nearly everything in his path, from toppling over small rides to completely obliterating food stands
11. Killed and ate a "fat black and white dairy cow"
12. Attacked a SWAT officer who came in response to the chaos
13. Attacked his girlfriend Clare again
14. Attacked Detective Black again
15. Tried to attack Thunderbark with lightning


Chapter 11

16. Cold-bloodedly murdered a gang of thugs who had accosted Clare but who had swiftly surrendered after seeing Railrunner's were-roller-coaster form
17. Attacked a pair of police officers who had come in response to a report of armed robbery in the area
18. Pushed large trucks out of his way while chasing the abovementioned police officers on the road, presumably causing multiple vehicle collisions

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Didn't he murder the SWAT guy? Or am I remembering that part wrong?

GrizzlyCow
May 30, 2011


JosephWongKS posted:

List of grievous wounds, murders, and property damage
Calm down, Joseph. Can't you see Railrunner is just a lovable scamp?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Chapter six:

quote:

“This unusual coaster took many victims on the night of his raid, including five police officers. One of the survivors was bar owner, Geoffrey Callaway. I was pinned in the wine fridge, and it was slashing trough the metal door! Calloway said. It destroyed the whole bar! He continued as he waved his hands in the air. Another event that authorities believe the coaster committed; was the slaughter of a local farmer’s bull. It was sucked dry, it was nothing but bones, but I remember seeing a pair of bright red eyes”

Chapter nine:

quote:

He then heard footsteps behind him, he grinned to himself. You’re in for it. He then looked up and at his stalker. It was a swat team member. Blood dripped from his jaws as he stared at him, his eyes full of hatred. The man aimed his gun at Railrunner, who reared backward and extracted his claws. Then he charged as a juggernaut at the succorless man. Before the swat team member could fire, Railrunner’s claws pierced through his chest. He fell with a soft thud on the concrete. Railrunner snorted in disgust then he turned and saw, Clare.

I'm pretty sure that in chapter six his kill count was at least six (five officers + undetermined number of civilians which is at least one) And I'm sure that the SWAT guy is dead.

Also, Have fun counting the destruction he'll do after he gained control of his roller coaster body. That list will come in handy.

JosephWongKS posted:

List of damage caused by Railrunner

...

Chapter 9

10. Ran through the carnival, destroying nearly everything in his path, from toppling over small rides to completely obliterating food stands


I would like you to remember this.

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 18:29 on Apr 16, 2013

crime weed
Nov 9, 2009


Clearly Rodney will have a repentance phase where he works to somehow make up for his wrongdoings via. community service work.

I mean it's not like he'd go through the rest of the book without feeling some kind of regret for the bloodshed. R-right?

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Shonagon
Mar 27, 2005

It is impervious to reason or pleading, it knows no mercy or patience.

Miranda Leek posted:

“Rodney is not involved with any of this! If he was he would tell me.” She replied roughly.

“Clare don’t over react. Lots of men have deep dark secrets. Those are the ones that they do not dare speak of.”

“Rodney tells me everything, even his secrets.” Clare said sternly.

“What are they then?” Vick asked leaning forward.

Clare stared at him. She was running out of comebacks.

Running out of adverbs, more like.

Miranda Leek posted:


“What is it like being Railrunner?” She asked quietly as she nervously pulled at her sleeves.

“Clare, it certainly has its ups and downs. Right now I have no control and I have a taste for blood. I feel damned, I feel like my soul is being stolen. I feel so heartless. And yet, I feel so invincible, like nothing can stop me, even though that is true. I feel the urge to get revenge to fight. At the stage where I’m at, its [sic] like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde.”

JEKYLL. JEKYLL JEKYLL JEKYLL. It's one of the world's most famous books. It totally would be a thematic inspiration for this story of a normal man transforming into a monster, if the normal man wasn't a raging sociopath.

Also, 'it certainly has its ups and downs'. Is that actually a roller coaster joke, or unintentionally hilarious bathos when applied to mass murder? I can't tell any more.

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