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Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

Pseudodude posted:

What if the cat was Railrunner's spirit guide, and now he's got no-one to rein in his destructive urges? :ohdear:

Don't worry. I'm sure Rodney can keep his adventure on the rails.

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Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

Mercedes posted:

I'm pretty certain that Rodney's new coworkers will throw him for a loopty loop.

Yes, but will he care to sell his dark secrets?

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Hears Railrunner

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
"Whoop dee" is not a phrase.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
C'mon guys, Rodney's totally the hero. I mean, weren't you listening to his pathos-filled ramble in the introduction that we've just come full-circle to? He's trapped in this prison BECAUSE OF WHAT HE IS!!!

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

GrizzlyCow posted:

Delicious snark aside. Isn't that pretty much true? Most people would expect bloodthirsty, sociopathic murderers who go on a killing spree to be locked up given the chance.

Don't you get it! That's his curse! Because of where he is from!

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Absolutely fantastic chapter, I was on the edge of my seat and also crying my eyes out. I hope that meanie Detective Black gets eaten by Railrod's laser space buzzsaw-firing cannons (spoilers)

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

JosephWongKS posted:

Chapter 18 - Final Rush

Oh, I get it now. He's running fast because he's Sonic and he needs to kill all these people to get those RADICAL! bonuses.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Yes, some of those "irresponsible decisions." Like murdering people. Lots of people. On purpose.

Murder is very irresponsible. Especially when you're a destined hero like Railrod here. Don't wanna go murdering people, unless they're people in which case they're less than people and so you can murder a murder of people. People who say otherwise are just sheeple. A murder of sheeple.

Also, bad language. Don't swear, Murderrunner. It's bad form. You should be polite and remember your "thank yous" while slaughtering humans by the dozen. Otherwise, you'll get chastised and you'll turn redder than you already are from the blood of all the people you murdered. But saying "drat?" That'll drat you harder than the murder of scores of people.

I really wish Rodney the Murder King would just keel over and die. Maybe commit suicide, since that's sort of like murdering yourself.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
In this fantasy I am swimming down the Acterbahnn between Trenzon and [INSERT AMUSEMENT PARK BETWEEN LOCATION HERE.]

A large Winnebago ("A human vehicle??" I sighed discombobulatedly. "That makes no sense! Then again, this is Amusement Park Between, a land beyond imagination!!") has pulled to the side of the riverbank. An anxious-looking human flags me down.

"This could be trouble," I sigh to Clare. 'It is certainly irregular.' Clare sighs nothing. Little do I know what is in store.

"Can you help me," sighs the man. "I am Roy Orbison's tour manager."

"Also?" I sigh in polite surprise. I have already used my new superpower of reading English to read the legend "Roy Orbison tour bus" on the side of the vehicle.

I get off of my latest murder victim. "What seems to be the problem?"

He leads me to the back of the van. 'Roy has succumbed to a heart attack and is clinically dead,' he sighs, indicating a certain well-known man in black sprawled on the floor of the vehicle.

"So." I sigh.

"Are you, perchance, a doctor?"

"No. I have long been fascinated by doctors and surgical tools of all sorts but have never actually seen one in my life for reasons I prefer not to disclose."

"Ach! Then I am at a loss what to do."

"There is one thing we might try," I sigh with super obvious nonchalance. "If we were to wrap him in cling-film, this would prevent corruption setting in until we can get him to a hospital."

"It is certainly worth a try. Alas, I have no clingfilm."

"Fortunately I have just gained the ability to summon clingfilm from water molecules." I transform into Railrunner. The tour manager looks anxiously at me as I blow apart his right arm to turn his blood into clingfilm. "I must work undisturbed." I sigh at him. He nods and gives me privacy.

Now it is just me and Roy Orbison and the cling-film. I start from the ankles and work up to the trademark dark glasses, wrapping slowly and carefully. Soon Roy Orbison is completely wrapped in cling-film. He is like a big black beetle wrapped in a silvery cocoon. The satisfaction is unparalleled by anything in my previous existence.

"He is completely covered in clingfilm." I sigh to the manager. "I will accompany him as you drive to the hospital."

Four hours later Roy Orbison sits up in bed in hospital and smiles at me.

"I hear I owe you my life," he sighs. "Please accept these concert tickets."

I bow politely. "There is something you perhaps should know. While you were in a coma I was forced to wrap you entirely in cling-film."

"Quick thinking," sighs Roy.

"You did not mind?"

Roy's expression is unreadable. "I wasn't aware of it." But was there the slightest sigh behind those dark glasses?

Of course, I sigh as I return to the patient Clare, there can be no question of him enjoying it, for he was dead at the time.

Or was he...??? I used my new power of telekinetic incineration to make certain he was. On the way out I killed 20 more people.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

Iced Cocoa posted:

For those who don't know what it is, could you say what it is that's making you sick?

Ar tonelico is a JRPG series about ladies who sing to do magic. It is objectifying on a whole lot of levels (especially the third one (they strip during combat to power up (god ar tonelico 3 is awful))) a lot of the time. Psychotherapy also plays a significant role.

It's also sort of the Donkey Kong Country of weird anime JRPGs in that the second one is the only actually good one and the third game is a monstrosity on every single level, but even Ar Tonelico 3 is a masterwork compared to this stupid book. Their protagonists are about as likable though.

Edit: The "crystals" in question refer to a scene in the first game in which the hero must insert a "Diquility crystal" in one of his potential girlfriends' "port" in order to make her not die from being magic. The game makes no effort to hide exactly how thinly veiled the innuendo is. The scene kinda returns in the second game, but there it's way better because the hero of the second game takes the opportunity to :iceburn: the everloving hell out of his ex.

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 23:39 on May 5, 2013

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
"A place from the most imaginative mind" features the same exasperated exhalation as the "real world."

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
They don't need to see directly in front of them, because whatever is directly in front of them is just destined for murder anyway.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I have to wonder what's so different about their biology that a difference like that is even possible in the first place. Maybe the spider's venom is annulled if the bitee is pure evil like our pal Rodney here?

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Wait was that the actual chapter?

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

JosephWongKS posted:

Yes. That's it. That's the whole of Chapter 34.

What, but

That's a Twitter post, not a chapter of a book

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

TombsGrave posted:

John Dies at the End has a chapter that's similarly short--21 words or so--and it's one of the most effective chapters in the book, purely for the sense of dread it builds.

Notably, it contains no complaints on the part of the protagonist about how much it sucks to be an immortal roller coaster that has made a multitude of very bad decisions.

The capability of less words to do much more isn't lost on me. Some of my favorite parts in House of Leaves are the bits where the text gets really minimal per page. (I haven't read John Dies at the End, though: any good?)

These words don't do anything. They really just don't convey anything but the complete and utter tragedy Rodney lives, the sheer sorrow of The Murder King. Eight words to catch up on Rodney Phillips's Twitter. Absolutely fantastic.

Edit: Seriously, how long has it taken him to answer to Railrunner? That's just off. Even if someone ran up to me with absolutely irrefutable proof that I was actually a non-euclidean alien named Floopgort I wouldn't stop answering to my name. Didn't he have parents? Thunderbark dropped him off with human parents, right, that's how he got to be named Rodney. Does that mean nothing to him? Are they just a null factor, does everything he's ever been as a human just not mean anything, why would you give up everything you've ever done to go pal around with an old coot with abnormally heavy breathing and his stupid sidekicks who never do anything? What is your problem, Rodney?!

Edit 2: , alcharagia sighed.

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 04:58 on May 22, 2013

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I hate you, Rodney.

I also hate his stupid name. I've made it a point to never refer to him by his stupid name. drat it you psychopath you spent thirty-odd years calling yourself Rodney you don't just switch over. Why am I so bothered by this

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

erotic dad posted:

Of course the entire story is still a shallow vehicle (heh) for Miranda's roller coaster fetish. Tales of Coasters.

Rodney's vicinity IS a Destruction Field, after all.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Maybe twilight being when the sun rises is because this is a world from the most imaginative mind?

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

Oblivion4568238 posted:

Aaaah what the hell you don't thrust with a tomahawk, it's a freaking axe. If you have a sword and are thrusting it, then you are thrusting it like a sword. Swords are generally good for thrusting, on account of most varieties having pointy tips. :pseudo: You swing tomahawks, or even throw them. Railrunner did neither, since the result of this thrust was, well, what you would expect from thrusting a sword.
Fake Edit: Amusing that this, of all the crap we've seen, is what actually gets me ranting in the thread. Maybe it's because nobody else commented on it before me, maybe it's because it's 2 in the morning local time, but this failure of weapon knowledge / thesaurus use really bugs me.

He could mean the missile. I mean, Rodney's a grade-A psychopath, he probably knows a lot about weapons. I wouldn't doubt that he could tell the difference.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
What?

Edit: Oh no, I meant that "what" at the chapter. I'm looking at these words but they don't form anything. This is just a meaningless jumble.

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 10:35 on Jun 1, 2013

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I hope the e-book version is being updated as he goes.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
What, but why

why did he have to kill them they

he looks exactly like the warden he couldn't have just... ordered whoever it was released? why did he

why did

rodney why

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I decided to test out this new headset I got today with a reading of Chapters 1-4.



I hope it's not terrible!

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 04:12 on Jun 23, 2013

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I'm sure glad you guys liked it, otherwise this one would've gone to waste.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I'm sorry, I... I couldn't maintain professionalism for Chapter 11. I hope you can forgive me.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
NO! NO!

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
"Her" in that sentence was Freakshow. Also, I concur.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

my dad posted:

Vonder, alcharagia do you have an email address I can contact you at? It's needed for a... secret project. I might have also already contacted Mercedes about it, and he might have said yes.

Contact me at u.blocky.u@gmail.com.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I hope you guys enjoy this, because otherwise I just spent an hour reading Twisted aloud for nothing.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Yeah, now I'm kind of sad I made him Dr. Claw.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
I think you meant Ironwheel there. Thunderbark is a terrible character.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

I did this.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

alcharagia posted:

I did this.

Edit: The previous thing here was an erroneous upload that cut off early. Here is it properly.

Kinu Nishimura fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Jul 9, 2013

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
A rather smug individual with Railrunner as the median value? Holy god, that must be like a black hole of smug. :psyduck:

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
The echo at 4 minutes in was inspired.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!

paragon1 posted:

I love the Gilbert Gottfried/ spoiled toddler tantrum you guys have going on for Railrunner.

I was doing that voice for him long before this was a thing, thank-you-very-much. :colbert:

(thank you, it's always nice to hear other people find my silly voices funny)

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Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008

SICK LOOT!
Earlier today I recommended this book to my mother and she bought it. I don't regret it.

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