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JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
How this all began


JosephWongKS posted:

:siren: CONTEST TIME! :siren:

As recompense for dragging you guys through what promised to be an action-packed superhero gamebook but turned out to be the writer's terrible Livejournal soft-core romance fanfic, I hereby subject myself to reading a terrible book or fanfic of your choice and posting my chapter-by-chapter review of the book / fanfic in The Book Barn sub-forum.


How you can take part

To participate in the contest, write an ending for Heroes Rise in the style that has been inflicted on us so far. You may freely include characters / story elements that have been covered in this thread so far, as well as any additional characters and/or story elements of your choice. I will pick the most cringe-worthy one and the person who submitted that entry will get the reward described below.

The deadline for submissions is next Friday (1 February 2013).


Reward

The winner of this contest gets to pick a published book or a fanfic uploaded on a public site of his choice, and I will read the book and post a chapterly review at least twice a week on The Book Barn sub-forum.

If the winner picks a published book, the book must be available for purchase from Amazon.com, cost less than USD 30 on Amazon.com, be written in the English language, and of a shorter length than War & Peace.

If the winner picks a fanfic, the fanfic must be uploaded on a publicly accessible site (e.g. fanfiction.net, as opposed to a locked private blog), be written in the English language, and of a shorter length than War & Peace.


JosephWongKS posted:

EagerSleeper, I hereby declare you the Winner of the Contest!


Your prize

The winner of this contest gets to pick a published book or a fanfic uploaded on a public site of his choice, and I will read the book or fanfic and post a chapterly review at least twice a week on The Book Barn sub-forum.

If the winner picks a published book, the book must be available for purchase from Amazon.com, cost less than USD 30 on Amazon.com, be written in the English language, and of a shorter length than War & Peace.

If the winner picks a fanfic, the fanfic must be uploaded on a publicly accessible site (e.g. fanfiction.net, as opposed to a locked private blog), be written in the English language, and of a shorter length than War & Peace.

I will read and review anything you choose that meets the above criteria, up to and including Pokegirls fanfiction. Please don't make me read Pokegirls fanfiction.


EagerSleeper posted:

I will never make you read Pokegirls fanfiction. :barf: :colbert:


I'd like to thank you for the great honor you have given me, and for allowing me to choose your next story to be read. I am proud to announce the next story I'd like you to see. It's an Amazon ebook called Twisted! by Miranda Leek. I hope it will be up to your caliber and standards, and that goons may find it interesting.


quote:






http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Miranda-Leek/dp/1452006210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359774262&sr=8-1&keywords=twisted+miranda+leek posted:


Book Description
Publication Date: May 26, 2010

What Happens To Amusement Park Rides Once They Are Put Into Storage Or Destroyed? They are magically transported to a place only know as "Amusement Park Between", a park that co-exist within any other and is only accessible by those who are of its blood. There are no limits and no humans. The only residents are the RIDES. However, they are much different from our own. Amusement Park Between's rides are ALIVE, having both the characteristics of man and beast. Amusement Park Between was once merry and joyous, but for the past several years it has spiraled into turmoil. An evil tyrant known as Ironwheel has taken control, casting a dark shadow over Amusement Park Between, and whose evil intensions endanger both their world and our own. The rides only hope is the key to their prophecy, "The Red Will Defeat The Black". That perticular key is the only ride that was created differently. The red roller coaster, Railrunner. And This Is His Story.



http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Miranda-Leek/dp/1452006210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359774262&sr=8-1&keywords=twisted+miranda+leek posted:


About the Author

Miranda Leek lives in the small town of Rockvale, Tennessee. Her love of art, writing, and roller coasters inspired Miranda, at the tender age of seventeen, to write Twisted; in which started as a simple experience and a few ideas, tuned into wonderful fully illustrated book that could be read over and over. Please visit https://www.mirandasmagic.com to view more of Miranda's work including the works of Twisted in their original form. Also Be On The Lookout For Book 2 In The Twisted Saga: VERTIGO



http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Miranda-Leek/dp/1452006210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359774262&sr=8-1&keywords=twisted+miranda+leek posted:


14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Twisted is a singular work March 14, 2011
By based demi god on deck

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I'm unsure as to how much paint one needs to huff to come up with the idea that anthropomorphizing an amusement park attraction is a suitable concept for a 'novel' (used in the loosest of senses here), but it's probably the same amount or more that is required to enjoy this book.



http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Miranda-Leek/dp/1452006210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359774262&sr=8-1&keywords=twisted+miranda+leek posted:


9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Why was this thing published? August 24, 2012
By Alice

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I first came upon this book after I saw the various concept drawing this author posted on DeviantArt and being intrigued. I thought it would be at very least enjoyable, if not actually good. I was wrong. This book is horrible, and I mean horrible, featuring shoddy writing, a cast of some of the most unlikable characters this side of the Twilight series, and a "plot" that's little more than a list of cliches cobbled together in the semblance of a narrative. Even the original draw (cute talking roller coasters) quickly gets undermined by how bad the entirety of the book is.

---

It's painfully obvious that this story was never edited or even proofread, as it's absolutely full of spelling and grammar errors. Just to cite one example, the author consistently spells "through" as "trough." A full list of all the mistakes would take me forever, but it's no exaggeration to say that I've read amateur fanfiction that had much better writing than this.

---

So, for those of you who were led here by the author's DA page, this is your warning: do not read this book. This book is not worth your money, it's not worth your time, and she had no business publishing it and making anyone pay money to read it. It wouldn't even pass muster in a free creative-writing workshop!

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JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Contents Page

0. Blurb, Acknowledgments and Prologue

1. Review of Chapter 1

2. Review of Chapter 2

3. Review of Chapter 3
3A. Picture of Rodney (Provided by EagerSleeper)
3B. Dramatic reading of Chapter 3 (Performed by Mercedes)

4. Review of Chapter 4
4A. Dramatic reading of Chapter 4 (Performed by Mercedes)

5. Review of Chapter 5
5A. Dramatic reading of Chapter 5 (Performed by Mercedes)
5B. Fanart of Rodney and the bartender (Drawn by EagerSleeper)

6. Review of Chapter 6
6A. Miranda Leek's character bio for Railrunner
6B. Miranda Leek's drawings of Railrunner's retractable wheel-claws (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
6C. Dramatic reading of Chapter 6 (Performed by Mercedes)
6D. Miranda Leek's drawings of an ultrasound image of a roller-coaster fetus (Provided by Geokinesis)

6.5 Interlude between Chapter 6 and Chapter 7

7. Guest review of Chapter 7 (Provided by Mercedes)
7A. Alternative book cover 1 (Provided by my dad the SA goon known as "my dad")
7B. Alternative book cover 2 (Provided by the SA goon known as "my dad")

8. Review of Chapter 8
8A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner's head (Provided by alcharagia)

9. Guest review of Chapter 9 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
9A. Miranda Leek's character bio for Thunderbark
9C. Miranda Leek's Deviantart drawing of a roller-coaster-weasel (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
9D. Miranda Leek's character bio for Merrylegs
9E. Miranda Leek's character bio for Static
9F. Dramatic reading of Chapter 9 (Performed by the SA goon known as "my dad")

10. Review of Chapter 10
10A. "About the Author and the Illustrator"
10B. :nms: Miranda Leek's character bio for Shadowtrack (Provided by SSNeoman) :nms:
10C. Picture of an adorable dog to cleanse your mind after seeing the drawing of Shadowtrack (Provided by Dreggon)

11. Review of Chapter 11

12. Guest review of Chapter 12 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
12A. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner's crotch (Provided by Geokinesis) :nms:
12B. Fanart of Clare riding on Railrunner (Drawn by Rahonavis)
12C. Fanart of Detective Black attacking Railrunner with a machete (Drawn by Iced Cocoa's friend Coydog)
12D. Fanart of Detective Black (Drawn by SSNeoman)
12E. Another picture of an adorable dog to cleanse your mind after seeing the drawing of Railrunner's crotch (Provided by Dreggon)
12F. Dramatic reading of Chapter 12 (Performed by Mercedes)
12G. Various pictures from Miranda Leek's Deviantart account (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

13. Review of Chapter 13
13A. Miranda Leek's picture and bio of Firetrack (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

14. Review of Chapter 14

15. Review of Chapter 15

16. Review of Chapter 16

17. Review of Chapter 17
17A. Fanfiction of Detective Black and Captain Vicks (Written by SSNeoman)
17B. Analysis of the physics of Railrunner's blood-bending (Written by horriblePencilist)
17C. Analysis of the physics of Railrunner's running speed (Written by horriblePencilist)
17D. Miranda Leek's picture of Railrunner's behind (Provided by attackbunny)
17E. Analysis of the physics of Railrunner's ability to fall from a ceiling and land like a cat (Written by horriblePencilist)
17F. Miranda Leek's essay on hunting in were-roller-coaster society (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
17G. Analysis of the physics of were-roller-coaster hunting (Written by horriblePencilist)

18. Review of Chapter 18
18A. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by horriblePencilist)
18B. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Mercedes)
18C. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

18.5 Interlude between Chapter 18 and Chapter 19

19. Review of Chapter 19
19A. Analysis of the physics of were-roller-coaster flotation (Written by horriblePencilist)
19B. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
19C. Analysis of the physics of were-roller-coaster flotation, continued (Written by horriblePencilist)
19D. Railrunner Power Bingo (Contributed by horriblePencilist)
19E. Miranda Leek's drawing of were-roller-coaster anatomy (Provided by horriblePencilist)

20. Review of Chapter 20
20A. Fanart of Moonhoof (Drawn by Rahonavis)
20B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner in a trench-coat (Provided by horriblePencilist)
20C. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
20D. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawings of pregnant roller-coasters :nms: and Drawing of adorable dog to cleanse your mind (Provided by Dreggon)
20E. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of pregnant roller-coaster and roller-coaster-fetus :nms: (Provided by SSNeoman)
20F. Fanfiction of thugs who accosted Clare and were later brutally murdered by Railrunner (Written by Jeek)
20G. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

21. Review of Chapter 21
21A. Fanfiction of the SWAT captain who was brutally murdered by Railrunner (Written by Mercedes)
21B. Fanfiction of the mouse who was brutally murdered by Railrunner (Written by Oblivion4568238)
21C. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
21D. Drawings by other, better artists in Miranda Leek's Deviantart group "Bizarre Anthros" (Provided by SSNeoman)

22. Review of Chapter 22
22A. Analysis of red roller-coaster lifespans (Computed by Iced Cocoa)
22B. Miranda Leek's coloured drawings of Railrunner in jail and Freakshow (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
22C. Someone's Deviantart drawing of an anthropomorphic Kalashnikov (Provided by Abundant Atrophy)

23. Review of Chapter 23
23A. Fanfiction of Railrunner and Roy Orbison (Written by alcharagia)

24. Review of Chapter 24

25. Review of Chapter 25
25A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner and his Sword of McGuffin (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
25B. Fanfiction of FBI agents carrying out surveilance on Clare's house (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
25C. Chart showing the number of "sigh" in each chapter of the book (Done by Iced Cocoa)

26. Review of Chapter 26
26A. Fanfiction of the the policemen who were being chased by Railrunner on the road (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
26B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Moonblood (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
26C. Miranda Leek's drawing of a smug roller-coaster in a bathrobe (Provided by Geokinesis)
26D. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of a "sexy" lady roller-coaster in a bikini and fishnet stockings :nms:(Provided by Iced Cocoa)
26E. Drawing of original character "Jolly" Jacktrack (Drawn by SSNeoman)

27. Review of Chapter 27
27A. Miranda Leek's drawing and character bio of Prototype the cyborg roller-coaster (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
27B. Miranda Leek's drawing and character bio of Darkrail (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
27C. Smilie of smug roller-coaster (Drawn by horriblePencilist)
27D. Revised smilie of smug roller-coaster (Drawn by horriblePencilist)
27E. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

27.5. Interlude between Chapter 27 and Chapter 28

28. Review of Chapter 28

29. Review of Chapter 29
29A. Miranda Leek's drawings of Merrylegs and Railrunner (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
29B. Smilie of sighing roller-coaster (Drawn by Rahonavis)
29C. Miranda Leek's drawings of cheetah-coaster and police-cruiser-coaster (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
29D. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

30. Review of Chapter 30
30A. Miranda Leek's drawing and character bio of Freakshow (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
30B. Fan-fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by horriblePencilist)

31. Review of Chapter 31

31.5. Interlude between Chapter 31 and Chapter 32
31.5A. Fanart of Ironwheel sitting on his throne (Drawn by Iced Cocoa)
31.5B. Fanart of "plane walking like a prehistoric creature (Drawn by Rahonavis)
31.5C. Fanart of Miranda Leek at her computer (Drawn by Iced Cocoa's friend Coydog)
31.5D. Fanart of Railrunner asking for a coaster (Drawn by the SA goon known as "my dad")
31.5E. Miranda Leek's drawing of a roller coast sleeping in a dog basket (Provided by attackbunny)
31.5F. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
31.5G. Fanart of Miranda Leek at her computer (Drawn by Iced Cocoa's friend Coydog)
31.5G. Political cartoon of Miranda Leek and Twisted (Drawn by attackbunny)
31.5H. Fanart of Railrunner and a random thug (Drawn by horriblePencilist)
31.5I. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner (Provided by horriblePencilist)
31.5J. Miranda Leek's drawings of Railrunner (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

32. Review of Chapter 32
32A. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

33. Review of Chapter 33
33A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner the "Scream Machine" (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

34. Review of Chapter 34

35. Review of Chapter 35

36. Review of Chapter 36
36A. Analysis of the size of Huntersburg / berg / ville (Contributed by Iced Cocoa)
36B. Fanfic of Spider-Ride-Gladiator (Written by Phummus)
36C. Fanart of Railrunner wearing his trenchcoat (Drawn by Voltin Bolt)

37. Review of Chapter 37

38. Review of Chapter 38
38A. Drawing of book cover for Bobbin Threadbare's Detective Black fanfiction (Drawn by Antlerhill)
38B. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
38C. Drawing of book cover for Bobbin Threadbare's Detective Black fanfiction (Drawn by Jeek)

39. Review of Chapter 39

40. Review of Chapter 40 - Part One
40A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner and Merrylegs in the forest (Contributed by Iced Cocoa)
40B. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
40C. Review of Chapter 40 - Part Two

40.5 Interlude between Chapter 40 and Chapter 41
40.5A Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

41. Review of Chapter 41

42. Review of Chapter 42
42A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner on a hospital bed (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
42B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner and Thunderbark (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

43. Review of Chapter 43
43A. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

44. Review of Chapter 44

45. Review of Chapter 45
45A. Miranda Leek's drawings of Merrylegs (Contributed by Iced Cocoa)

46. Review of Chapter 46 - Part One
46A. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
46B. Review of Chapter 46 - Part Two
46C. Review of Chapter 46 - Part Three
46D. :stare: :gonk: :barf: :nws: :nms: Miranda Leek's drawings of roller-coasters before, during and after child-birth :nms: :nws: :barf: :gonk: :stare: (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

47. Review of Chapter 47 - Part One
47A. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
47B. Review of Chapter 47 - Part Two
47C. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner growling and salivating (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

48. Review of Chapter 48
48A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner in a bathrobe, drinking wine (Provided by attackbunny)

49. Review of Chapter 49

49.5 Interlude betwen Chapter 49 and Chapter 50

50. Review of Chapter 50
50A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner in a suit (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
50B. More of Miranda Leek's drawings of Railrunner in various poses (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

51. Review of Chapter 51
51A. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

52. Review of Chapter 52 - Part One
52A. Review of Chapter 52 - Part Two

53. Review of Chapter 53 - Part One
53A. Review of Chapter 53 - Part Two

54. Review of Chapter 54

55. Review of Chapter 55
55A. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

56. Review of Chapter 56
56A. Dramatic reading of Chapters 1 to 4 (Performed by alcharagia)

57. Review of Chapter 57
57A. Dramatic reading of Chapters 5 to 10 (Performed by alcharagia)
57B. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
57C. Scan of cover, spine and back-cover of Twissted (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
57D. Miranda Leek's drawings of Railrunner and Thunderbark (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
57E. Dramatic reading of Chapter 11 (Performed by alcharagia)

58. Review of Chapter 58 - Part One
58A. Review of Chapter 58 - Part Two
58B. Synopsis of Vertigo (Miranda Leek's sequel to Twisted) - Part One (Written by Iced Cocoa)
58C. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner and Shadowtrack making out (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
58D. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner and Shadowtrack making out (Provided by Geokinesis)
58E. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner snarling (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

59. Review of Chapter 59 - Part One
59A. Review of Chapter 59 - Part Two
59B. Review of Chapter 59 - Part Three
59C. Review of Chapter 59 - Part Four
59D. How Twisted should have ended (Written by pathetic little tramp)
59E. Synopsis of Vertigo - Part Two (Written by Iced Cocoa)

60. Review of Chapter 60 - Part One
60A. Miranda Leek's later pictures of roller-coasters (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
60B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner in a leather jacket (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
60C. Dramatic reading of Chapter 12 (Performed by alcharagia)
60D. Review of Chapter 60 - Part Two
60E. Review of Chapter 60 - Part Three

60.5 Interlude between Chapter 60 and Chapter 61
60.5A Fanfic of Captain Vick (Written by SSNeoman)

61. Review of Chapter 61 - Part One
61A. Review of Chapter 61 - Part Two
61B. Review of Chapter 61 - Part Three
61C. Miranda Leek's pictures for Chapter 61 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
61D. Synopsis of Vertigo - Part Three (Written by Iced Cocoa)
61E. Review of Chapter 61 - Part Four

62. Review of Chapter 62 - Part One
62A. Review of Chapter 62 - Part Two
62B. Review of Chapter 62 - Part Three
62C. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Focacciasaurus_Rex)

63. Review of Chapter 63 - Part One
63A. Fanfic of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
63B. Review of Chapter 63 - Part Two
63C. Review of Chapter 63 - Part Three
63D. Fanfic of Freakshow (Written by Focacciasaurus_Rex)

64. Review of Chapter 64 - Part One
64A. Review of Chapter 64 - Part Two
64B. Review of Chapter 64 - Part Three
64C. Review of Chapter 64 - Part Four
64D. Fanfic of Clare / Shadowtrack - Part One (Written by Djeser)
64E. Fanfic of Clare / Shadowtrack - Part Two (Written by Djeser)

65. Review of Chapter 65 - Part One
65A. Review of Chapter 65 - Part Two
65B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner eating a cow (Provided by attackbunny)
65C. Review of Chapter 65 - Part Three
65D. Review of Chapter 65 - Part Four
65E. Review of Chapter 65 - Part Five
65F. Review of Chapter 65 - Part Six

66. Review of Chapter 66 - Part One
66A. Review of Chapter 66 - Part Two
66B. Fanfic of Steven Seagal and Moonhoof (Written by pathetic little tramp)
66C. Fanfic of Clare / Shadowtrack - Part Three (Written by Djeser)
66D. Fanfic of the mouse that Railrunner tortured to death (Written by Oblivion4568238)
66E. Compilation of all the sighs in the book
66F. Miranda Leek's drawing of Moonhoof (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
66G. Fanfic of Cladowtrack - Part Four (Written by Djeser)
66H. Fanfic of the mouse that Railrunner tortured to death (Written by Oblivion4568238)

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 03:00 on Jul 5, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Blurb posted:


WHAT HAPPENS TO AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES ONCE THEY ARE PUT INTO STORAGE OR DESTROYED?

They are magically transported to a place only known as “Amusement Park Between”, a park that co-exist [sic] within any other and is only accessible b those who are of its blood. There are no limits and no humans. The only residents are the rides. However, they are much different from our own. Amusement Park Between’s Rides are ALIVE, having both the characteristics of man and beast.

Amusement Park Between was once merry and joyous, but for the past several years it has spiraled into turmoil. An evil tyrant known as Ironwheel has taken control, casting a dark shadow over Amusement Park Between, and whose evil intensions [sic] endanger both their world and our own. The rides [sic] is the key to their prophecy; the red will defeat the black. That particular key is the only ride that was created differently. The red roller coaster, Railrunner.

AND THIS IS HIS STORY.



Acknowledgments posted:


For my Mom, Dad and my little sister Stitch, for always keeping the ride entertaining.

And for the roller coasters giving me the inspiration.



quote:


TWISTED
1: to turn so as to face in another direction.
2. To alter the normal aspect of; contort.



Prologue posted:


Behind Iron Bars

Pacing, back and forth from, corner to corner over and over again. As a caged bird waiting to be released. His mind was furious as his wheels made their click clack sound across the iron floor. His fire like eyes [JWKS: Note - not “fire-like eyes”, but “fire like eyes”] burned in rage. Thoughts flooded through him.

“Why! Why me!” The words screamed inside his head.

His restraints started to vibrate in anger as he sliced one of his dagger-like claws into the concrete wall. He pulled back his lips and snarled in frustration as he inscribed hateful words. He shook his head from side to side abruptly trying to overcome the continuing thoughts, ones that sickened him; bringing him closer to the breaking point.

“If I had never met that old man, if I never tried to work for that park! If I never would have –“

He banged his head against the bars and roared in pure rage. He tried not to think, but his will to not do so failed.

“Trapped in this prison! Because of my curse! Where I am from! BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM!!!”

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Review of Chapter 1 will be put up tomorrow.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter One - New Job

quote:


“This is just great!” I said as I slapped a handful of bills onto the table. All those unwanted slips of paper kept piling up, bills from the electric, water, and who knew what else. Everything seemed to be spiraling into a bottomless pit as the miserable minutes ticked by, forcing me to lose myself in my sea of misery that looked like it would never dry out.

All had shifted right after I got fired from my engineering job at the city’s local cake factory. I remembered the moment well, my boss calling me to his office for some reason unknown only to tell me those four words: Rodney Philips you’re fired! It turned out that I never did wrong; the factory had gone bankrupt making everyone lose their jobs. Now every ex employee [sic] was looking hopelessly for work, I included.

I sat at my kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and munching on a donut. As I took a sip I scanned the newspaper in front of me looking for a new job like I had done for the past five weeks. Every listing was either lousy pay or simply not what I had I mind. I knew I wanted something that I could relate to very well. A job that I would be comfortable doing for a very long time.


In the first chapter, we are introduced to the protagonist Rodney Philips, from whose non-omniscient first-person perspective the story is told. Devoid of race, class, religious or political affiliation, Rodney is the quintessential every-person, the itabula rasa upon whom each reader may project him- or her-self.

Who among us (save the privileged 1%) has not feared destitution? Who has not been struck low by the slings and arrows of fickle fortune, thrown on the streets with only the shirt on your back through no fault of your own? Thus has the author skillfully, within the first three chapters, invited you to empathize with, nay, to be Rodney Philips.


quote:


As I took another sip of coffee, letting the hot elixir slither down my throat, my eyes caught sight of an ad that I had never seen before. It was an ad that was rarely seen by the public eye. I looked at it carefully scanning each and every printed word.

MYSTIC PARK
WANTED!
ROLLER COASTER ENGINEER
CALL 789-6450
ASK FOR WOODY

Roller coasters, I knew so much about them. I had never actually seen one in person, but I knew more than most who were “coaster junkies”. I acquired all the information that I knew from books, television, and the internet. The strange thing was that I seemed to always have an odd attraction to them, and I couldn’t explain why. Deep in my mind however, I knew that this could be my big break.


From here onwards the author begins weaving mystery upon puzzle to draw the reader deeper into her intriguing world. What, for example, is an “ad that was rarely seen by the public eye?” Does she mean that there are few open positions for roller coaster engineers? Or is she referring to an inner cabal of Masons that control the flow advertisements for this profession?

And why has a person with “an odd attraction” to roller coasters never had the opportunity or the ability to see a roller coaster in person? Is this a hint that the story is set in a post-apocalyptic dystopia where most roller coasters have been destroyed?


quote:


I got up out of my seat and grabbed my phone from the counter. I then started to press the keys requested by the ad. I double checked to make sure they were right before pressing send, there was no turning back now. The phone rang and rang. I almost hung up when finally someone answered.


Here we have more concrete evidence that “Twisted” is set in an alternate reality – for telephone calls in Rodney’s world operate like emails in our world, where the recipient will receive your transmission even if the sender “hangs up” on his end, so that there is “no turning back” once you “press send”.


quote:


“Hello this is Woody, how may I help you?” A man with a deep scruffy voice spoke. It sounded as if he was out of breath, almost like he had been running.

“Yes, my name is Rodney and I…”

“Would like to try out for the position of coaster engineer, am I right?” he replied interrupting me. It was almost as if he could read my mind.

“Yes sir,” I simply said into the receiver, afraid that he was to cut in again.

“Ever worked on roller coasters before sir?” he said, his words quick and sharp. The man was either in a hurry or he was used to random citizens doing the exact thing I was doing. I decided to lie like a trained actor trying out for a specific part in a big-time movie.


First there was “Does a bear poo poo in the woods?” Then there was “Is the Pope Catholic?” And now, in the lexicon of rhetorical questions, we have Miranda Leek’s “Does a trained actor lie when she tries out for a specific part in a big-time movie?”


quote:


“Yes.” I said holding my breath.

“Then be at Mystic Park around four this afternoon. I will then test you on how capable you are at doing your job. See you then Rodney.” He said and then hung up.

At first I didn’t know what to think, but then I realized that I had a chance. I would go through with it I wondered as I looked back at the clock. I had a few hours to prepare. I couldn’t be late; I was already in a deep hole with little chance of escaping. I couldn’t fall any deeper.


For someone who’s never ever seen a roller coaster, Rodney seems pretty confident about his chances of securing the position of “roller coaster engineer”. Then the reader recalls that Rodney had recently been working in an “engineering job at the city’s local cake factory”, and quietly marvels at the author’s subtle piece of character-building.


quote:


When the time came, I grabbed my keys from the hook on the kitchen wall and entered the garage. I pressed the red button on the panel in the dusty corner to open up the door. As soon as the task was done, I climbed into my Mustang and started the engine. I immediately switched the radio on and turned it to my favourite station, blasting the song that was currently playing. I then put on my pair of sunglasses, completing my annual routine as I shifted into gear and drove off.


More signs that Rodney’s world is still recovering from the effects of some unknown disaster – fuel is so scarce that Rodney can only afford to drive his car once a year.


quote:


I sat calmly in my seat listening to music as I steered the sports car along the wooded roads of Huntersberg, a quiet town in which nothing had ever happened. Huntersberg got its name from the lush woods that surrounded it; the forest was a gold mine for those who desired big game. However, Huntersberg finally got onto the map when Mystic Park was built, making the undetectable city not only for hunters but also thrill seekers as well. I tried to make my way to the summer escape before, but I was robbed of that because of the countless hours I spent at the factory, time that was wasted in the end,. Now I was to finally go to Huntersburg’s playground; because I had an invitation and a reason to be there.


No wonder roller coaster engineer ads are “rarely seen by the public eye” in Rodney’s world – prior to the apocalypse, such ads must attracted swarms of applications and been rapidly filled, for such is the power and clout of roller coaster park owners that entire towns get renamed when the former build their parks near the latter.


quote:


The song that played faded into an untraceable silence as it ended. I reached down to swap stations for I hated listening to commercials that were useless. I continued to fiddle with the dial, turning it this way and that trying to catch a good tune that was worth it. I came across a rock song that I had not heard since I could remember. I settled on it and then turned my attention back to the road. Suddenly a large buck darted blindly out of the thicket of trees. It was frightened beyond reason; I slammed on the brakes as it traveled inches from the Mustang’s hood. The sports car then screeched to a halt, the screaming tires echoing through the woods. The deer then sliced past and vanished into the forest again.

I blinked my eyes briefly trying to comprehend what had happened. Deer were never known to come out of hiding at broad daylight. During the many times I hunted with acquaintances, I had never seen a creature that spooked. I looked to where it had emerged to see a rustle of bushes before sighing in relief. Hopefully nothing else bizarre would happen, but then again one could never predict the future.

A few minutes later I pulled up to the park. The grounds were littered with rides and stands, brightening the area with an array of colors. I looked down for a split second as I took the key from the ignition and then put my attention back to rides that sat waiting for their riders. It was then that my eyes caught sight of the granddaddy of them all, the king of the rides, the infamous roller coaster. The scream machine’s rails towered over all that stood. As I was looking at the steel coaster in awe, a cold shiver went down my spine and my hair stood up on the back of my neck. A strange stinging sensation ran through my body. Startled, I climbed out of the car.

“Probably nothing, perhaps an adrenaline rush,” I said to myself after a brief moment of thinking why that had happened. I quickly put it behind me as I walked through the great iron gates, walking into an opportunity of a lifetime.


A touch of ominous foreshadowing of the troubles to come – the proverbial calm before the storm.


quote:


My eyes scanned the grounds; it was very prominent that Mystic Park was on its off season; there was no one around except for a few park employees. As I walked my muscles tightened up, feeling a little stronger than they were. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two park employees who couldn’t take theirs off me. They looked like they were in their middle thirties. The girl had long silky red hair with a beautiful skinny figure. The boy had brown hair and looked somewhat like a daring teenager. Even as I walked away they couldn’t help but to [sic] exchange whispers.


Here we get a clue as to Rodney’s age – if people in their middle thirties are “boys” and “girls” to him, then Rodney himself is likely to be in his sixties at the least.


quote:


Then an old man with long white hair pulled into a low ponytail and a small unkempt beard and mustache advanced toward my position. The sun’s rays seemed to make his unnatural white hair glow as he adjusted the collar of his cream shirt covered in an almost renaissance looking vest. He began to smile slightly as he casually stuck one hand into his pocket of his brown trousers. He then held out his smooth hand as a gesture for me to shake it, and I accepted his greeting.

“I’m Woody and you must be Rodney am I right?” he said in his low voice.

“Yep, the one and only,” I replied still examining him. To me it was certain that Woody didn’t look like your ordinary old middle-aged man. In fact, his body possessed the build of a thirty year old. Every aspect about him was – perfect. Suddenly he leaned closer, putting me on high alert as I knew he was probably about to speak of something very important.

“You are a one and only indeed.” He said in a low but serious tone, with both of our eyes bearing into each other’s. Finally, I simply nodded as he motioned for me to come into the main office, but only one thing, a simple fact, struck my mind that stood above everything else. His eyes, I thought, they looked almost – unhuman.


Not only has the as-yet unknown apocalyptic event resulted in resource scarcity, it has also disrupted the human gene structure such that hair no longer whitens as one ages and the typical lifespan has so lengthened that an additional age category of “old middle-aged” is required. Also, luxurious facial hair is favoured, for someone with “unkempt beard and mustache” is perfect even in that respect. Such economy of language, to convey so much information in so few words.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 16:26 on Mar 6, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter Two – Among the Rails

quote:

Woody led me down the hall to an office. Inside, were three other men sitting on chairs. The coaster engineer motioned for me to join them. There’s something weird about him, something beyond explanation, I thought. Then Woody left the room and began to talk to someone down the hallway. Hesitating, I turned to the man sitting next to me.

“Did you notice anything weird about him?” I hastily asked.

“No not really,” He replied.

“Did you look at his eyes?”

“What about them?”

“They look like a – cat’s!”

He stared at me like I was crazy then he scooted towards the other edge of his chair, away from me. Was I the only one that could see what his eyes looked like? Get it together! Now is not the time to get scatterbrained!

In this brief but revealing scene, the author adroitly reveals more about both Rodney and Woody. It is evident that Woody suffers from Schmid-Fraccaro syndrome, colloquially known as “Cat’s Eye Syndrome”, but being “perfect” (as earlier described by Rodney) has fortunately avoided all the physical ailments that typically accompany this disorder other than iris coloboma. Rodney, on the other hand, possesses a superstitious nature, attributing undue mystic significance to an ordinary (if rare) physical condition.


quote:

Woody suddenly walked into the room. He looked briefly at me; His creature eyes flashed me a sense of uncertainty. Could he have possibly heard what I had said? Then he turned and pulled up a chair in front of us, his ice blue eyes looking at everyone in anticipation.

“Gentlemen,” he started, “today I am going to do a simple but effective test on you. It will be very difficult to the inexperienced coaster engineer. It’s the only thing I’m going to judge you on, so if you can’t do it you’re done. If you show a struggle you’re done. I’ll test you one at a time. For most of you, roller coaster walking will be a living hell, but for one of you – it will not.” He finished looking at me, letting a sly grin come to my view.

Twisted was published in 2010, which means that Miranda Leek had predicted the creation and opening of the Tiger and Turtle Magic Mountain by at least a year.


quote:

He then guided one of the men out of the room. The few remaining sat quietly talking to each other. Suddenly a small rippling pain shot across my back. Then it went through my arms and legs. I bit my lip and let out a soft hiss of pain.

“You all right?” a man asked, bringing myself to the attention of the others.

“I’m fine,” I muttered as I saw all the men’s eyes on me. One of them even turned to the hopeful next to him only to whisper a suspicion about “being crippled”.

“After this is done, I’m seeing a doctor.” I said under my breath. Hours went by. One by one the men left, none of them got the job. That doesn’t mean it’s automatically mine, he could still interview someone else, I pondered. Then Woody came through the door.

“Your turn.” He said waving me out.

I nodded and warily followed him from the building and back into the park. My body started to act strange again, my heart started to beat faster. As we got closer to the coaster, it began to hammer in my chest. It went from its rhythmic thump to a completely absurd machine gun like metronome. My health was starting to really worry me.

While Woody has to contend with Schmid-Fraccaro syndrome, Rodney clearly suffers from cardiac dysrhythmia. The author is clearly setting the story up to be a medical drama.

quote:

We began our decent[sic] up the stairs of the steel coaster’s station. My muscles seemed as if they were bulging out of my legs as if they were to burst through my skin at any moment. Something was definitely wrong. However, despite my suffering, I have to go on; I had to have this job! Then we finally reached the heart of the station, the area that actually housed the roller coaster itself, a beast’s lair. Without warning, a larger jolt of pain ran down my back, feeling like an aftershock from a baseball bat hitting me in the spine. I quickly stood up and clutched my back, my nails digging into my shirt as I grinded my teeth in agony, my other hand grasping the queue rail in a stronghold [sic].

Here we see that the author is politically affiliated with the Green Party movement – for she has painted a world in which severe resource scarcity (such as that which may be brought about by drastic taxes on fossil fuels) has led to momentous technological developments like gravitational control, allowing even the inhabitants of a humble theme park to go up while going down at the same time.


quote:

“What’s wrong?” Woody asked, turning around swiftly.

“I don’t know, this all started, this will sound really weird and ludicrous, as soon as I saw your steel coaster.” I said as I forced out the words.

Woody looked at me showing no expression on his face. He raised a thick eyebrow and looked around briefly for any signs that someone could be listening.

“Walk with me Rodney; I’ll explain to you what’s going on.” He said heading out onto the track. As quickly as it came, the pain receded. I had no choice but to follow him. As we begun our decent [sic] up the lift hill, laying a foot only on the stairs that lined the track, my skin tingled and my muscles pumped. Climbing the rails was turning out to be easy. I was even running among them soon I caught up with Woody. I actually felt… powerful.

“Let me ask you a few questions Rodney, Do you feel different walking among the rails?” Woody began as he stared straight ahead with his hands in his pockets, not looking at me once.

“Yeah, I feel power.” I admitted.

“Invincible?”

“Yes, if you put it that way.”

“Let me ask you this, do you feel the urge to protect? The urge to fight?” He continued.

He was right. I did feel the urges to do things. Some heroic, some crazy, and some daring. What was going on with me? Was I being overrun by a force unknown?

“I do.” I answered at last.

“Rodney, you are the only person that I would consider for this job out of anybody.”

“Why? I haven’t even completed my test yet,” I replied befuddled as we broke out in a run down the stairs of the lift hill. How was I able to do this!


“Rodney you will soon learn that you and I have much more in common than you think.” He said as we entered in a tunnel in the most secluded part of the circuit.

“Woody, would you please tell me what’s going on?” I said as we stopped.

It’s not surprising that Rodney is feeling better, given that the treatment of cardiac dysrhythmia include physical movement (such as that carried out while walking up and down – at the same time – on a roller coaster track) and electrical currents (such as that which may be transmitted via a roller coaster track). The author has evidently done her research into the subject matter of her book.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 03:54 on Mar 4, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

evil_cheese posted:

Why does he keep mentioning that is a steel coaster? I don't think you could make a coaster out of say brass or iron these days. Breathlessly awaiting more of this fantastic book. The ups and downs are very frightening!

"Steel coaster" as opposed to "wooden coaster", apparently.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_roller_coaster posted:


A steel roller coaster is a roller coaster that is defined by having a track made of steel. Steel coasters have earned immense popularity in the past 50 years throughout the world. Incorporating tubular steel track and polyurethane-coated wheels, the steel roller coasters can provide a taller, smoother, and faster ride with more inversions than a traditional wooden roller coaster.

Arrow Dynamics first introduced the steel roller coaster to feature tubular track to the thrill industry with their creations of the Matterhorn Bobsleds (Disneyland) in 1959 and the Runaway Mine Train (Six Flags Over Texas) in 1966.

As of 2006, the oldest operating steel roller coaster in North America is Little Dipper at Memphis Kiddie Park in Brooklyn, Ohio and has been operating since April 1952. The oldest operating steel rollercoaster in the world is rodelbaan at de Waarbeek (Netherlands). It has been operating since 1930.

Characteristics

Steel coasters have a generally smoother ride than their wooden counterparts, although it is sometimes argued that wooden roller coasters provide a bigger feeling of "threat" due to their rougher ride and can be more intense than steel roller coasters.

Almost all world records for tallest, fastest, and longest coasters are currently held by steel roller coasters.[citation needed]

The fact that fewer supports are needed means steel roller coasters have made a large variety of features possible, such as Loops, Barrel Rolls, Corkscrews, Zero-G Rolls and Beyond 90° Drops

There are different types of steel coasters, such as flying, inverted, floorless, and suspended swinging.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wooden_roller_coaster posted:


A wooden roller coaster is most often classified as a roller coaster with running rails made of flattened steel strips mounted on laminated wooden track. Occasionally, the support structure may be made out of a steel lattice or truss, but the ride remains classified as a wooden roller coaster due to the track design. Because of the limits of wood, wooden roller coasters in general do not have inversions (when the coaster goes upside down), steep drops, or extremely banked turns (overbanked turns). However, there are exceptions; the defunct Son of Beast at Kings Island had a 214-foot-high (65 m) drop and originally had a 90-foot-tall (27 m) loop until the end of the 2006 season, although the loop had metal supports. Other special cases are Hades at Mount Olympus Water and Theme Park in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin, featuring a double-track tunnel and a 90-degree banked turn, The Voyage at Holiday World (an example of a wooden roller coaster with a steel structure for supports) featuring three separate 90-degree banked turns, Ravine Flyer II at Waldameer Park which has a 90-degree banked turn, and T Express at Everland in South Korea with a 77-degree drop.

* snip *

Wooden versus steel

Wooden roller coasters provide a very different ride and experience from steel roller coasters. While they are traditionally less capable than a steel coaster when it comes to inversions and elements, wooden coasters instead rely on an often rougher and more "wild" ride, as well as a more psychological approach to inducing fear. Their structures and track, which usually move anywhere from a few inches to a few feet with a passing train, give a sense of unreliability and the "threat" of collapse or disregard for safety. Of course, this assumption is purely mental, and wooden roller coaster supports and track systems are designed to sway with the force. If the track and structure are too rigid, they will break under the strain of the passing train. The swaying of the track reduces the force applied per second (see impulse), like a shock absorber.

Like steel roller coasters, wooden roller coasters usually use the same three-wheel design, pioneered by John Miller. Each set of wheels includes a running wheel (on top of the track), a side friction (or "guide") wheel (to guide motion in the lateral plane and reduce excessive side-to-side movement known as "hunting") and an upstop wheel (beneath the track to prevent cars from flying off the track). Some wooden coasters, such as Leap-The-Dips, do not have upstop wheels and are known as side friction roller coasters. As a result, the turns and drops are more gentle than on modern wooden roller coasters. Scenic Railway roller coasters also lack upstop wheels but rely on a brakeman to control the speed so that upstop wheels are not necessary. A handful of wooden coasters use flanged wheels, similar to a rail car, eliminating the need for side friction wheels.

The debate rages as to which type of coaster is better: wood or steel. This is unlikely to ever be settled, however, because each category distinguishes itself from the other in a number of ways, in addition to also providing a substantially different and unique ride.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter Three - Haunting Change, Haunting Secret

quote:

Woody leaned against the tunnel wall and sighed deeply.

“You better listen up because I’m not going to repeat myself.”

“Understood.” I said as I waited to hear what he had to say.

“Rodney we are from a different world, and we are not human.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I replied, realizing that the old engineer had gotten on a whole new level of weird.

“Listen! There is a place that co-exists within an amusement park, It [sic] is known as Amusement Park Between. Where the rides have control, were [sic] the impossible becomes possible, and the explainable becomes unexplainable.” Woody replied disgusted, his ice like eyes suddenly getting darker.

“Is this for real Woody?


“First of all it’s not Woody – its [sic] Thunderbark.” He said as he stood there stone still while he barely breathed. He then dipped his head low, letting his long hair drape over his shoulders. The coaster engineer simply stared down, his eyes growing darker still.

Here we see that although Woody may have avoided any physical ailments from his Schmid-Fraccaro syndrome other than the characteristic “cat’s eyes”, he has been afflicted by the mental retardation that often goes with the syndrome, which has apparently manifested in his “old middle-age” as a form of dissociative disorder that causes him to be under the impression that he is a carnival ride. In this one poignant scene, the author effectively illustrates that even a society that can come up with revolutionary technology like gravitational control is worthless if it does not provide adequate subsidized healthcare to all its members.


quote:

“Okay, if that is your real name then don’t I have some freaky name if I’m from were [sic] you are?” I said letting out a soft laugh.

“Don’t mock our names they are warrior names.” Woody said crudely. “Your real name Rodney is Railrunner.”

“This is very dumb and confusing.” I replied sarcastically in defiance.

“I guess when you are in your human form for so long, you forget nearly everything.” Woody said under his breath.

The awkward conversation was starting to grow amusing. It was actually really funny. I decided to play along.

“If we both are from a different world, then why are we here?” I said trying to hide a cunning smile.

Befitting the sheltered nature of Rodney – a man with a self-proclaimed “odd attraction” to roller coasters, yet who has never went to a theme park prior to the events of this book, so one can imagine how infrequently he must have socialized or visited other public places – he lacks understanding and empathy for persons with mental disorders, and reacts offensively to any perceived eccentricity. Thus does the author put the reader, who has been invited to identify with this Everyman-protagonist, in the uncomfortable position of reflecting on the reader’s own casual cruelty towards the unfortunates of society.


quote:

“It’s a long story Railrunner, but I’ll try to make it as short as possible. There is a prophesy in our word [sic] were [sic] the red will defeat the black. An evil tyrant named Ironwheel is currently ruling our world. He kills for his own amusement; he has armies that take control of our kind. Once you came along our world was given new hope. Soon however, Ironwheel learned of your existence and sent his armies to kill you to prevent the prophesy from becoming true. My allies and I decided you would be safe in the real world.”

“Who are your allies?” I said trying to hide a snicker.

“They are Merrylegs and Static. You may have noticed them when you came in.”

“You mean the redhead and the boy?”

“Yes that is them in their human form. Merrylegs is carousel horse and Static is a bumper car.”

“So am I some sort of ride?” I replied as I crossed my arms.

“Yes. Railrunner, we need to activate your ride form.”

“How?” I said as I tried not to burst out laughing.

“We must introduce you to your environment.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Come closer and I’ll tell you.” He smiled covertly.

I advanced forward towards Woody. I stumbled on the walkway edge, and fell onto the track. Pain ran through my body. It soared down my spine and my anatomy completely. My body was as hot as fire then as cold as ice. My veins rippled beneath my skin. My muscles bulged as my fingers singed. The pain suddenly stopped. I lay on the rails out of breath; I looked up to see him grinning.

Here the author again demonstrates that she has done her research, for burns (“hot as fire”), ventricular fibrillation (“veins rippled” due to cardiac arrhythmia) and loss of neurological control (“muscles bulged”) are indeed the symptoms of an electric shock, such as that which might be received from falling onto an unshielded railway track. Given the evidence of Miranda Leek’s left-wing political stance so far, this incident clearly represents the all-encompassing catastrophe that strikes the laborer class when they fall into the pit of unemployment without the “safety net” of social welfare.


quote:

“Your form has been activated.”

“What…”

“You’ll soon find out. You can meet me if you have any other questions.” He interrupted.

“But…”

“You will answer most of them yourself. By the way you got the job. See you tomorrow morning,
Railrunner.”

And here we are presented with the stark dilemma of the modern post-industrial world – to accept the siren lure of a job at the cost of suffering the iniquities of a ravenous capitalist system which is “mad” with greed, envy and power, or to turn one’s back on such lunacy and risk starving as a result.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Dreggon posted:

:psyduck::gonk::barf:

Who published this?

http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Miranda-Leek/dp/1452006210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359774262&sr=8-1&keywords=twisted+miranda+leek posted:


Product Details

Paperback: 376 pages
Publisher: AuthorHouse (May 26, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1452006210
ISBN-13: 978-1452006215
Product Dimensions: 9 x 0.8 x 6 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 2.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,422,575 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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http://www.authorhouse.com/ posted:


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JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

EagerSleeper posted:



The picture of our sexy protagonist!

EagerSleeper, could you help me scan a picture of his roller-coaster form and post it after I post the Chapter 4 review? Thanks!

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter Four – Railrunner Unleashed

quote:

A few hours since I left the park, I was forcing myself not to believe what Woody had said. It was stupid and illogical

This whole book is “stupid and illogical”.


quote:

, but what in the world happened to me as I fell onto the rails? Was his story true or was the raging pain a freak accident?

“Raging pain” from being electrocuted is hardly a “freak accident”.


quote:

Whatever had occurred made me now realize that my co-worker was completely demented.

Matthew 7:5.


quote:

I was now sitting in the local bar called Snooks with my two friends who used to work at the factory. Buddy and Sly, as they were called, played hearts and betted on money

Isn’t “on money” already the default premise when one is “betting”?


quote:

while I drank a beer trying to forget the bizarre day.

I too wish I could forget this book by drinking. :smith:


quote:

“Rodney, when did you get your tattoos and your eyebrows pierced?” Sly said as he layed [sic] a card onto the oak table.

Chapter Four typo count – 1


quote:

I looked at the dragon wrapped around my left arm and the tribal symbol on the other, then felt my piercing.

“It was about two weeks ago.”

Now we have to push Rodney’s mental age all the way back to two, since he apparently has yet to acquire an understanding of object permanence.


quote:

“Hmm, say how many beers have you had since we got here?” He laughed.

“This one is – my seventh.” I finished all wide-eyed.

“That’s crazy! You don’t look or feel tipsy.” Buddy said astonished.

“I’m not really feeling anything. You know they say once you drink that much you pass out.” I said looking at the bottle of beer, still bewildered that I had consumed that many and not felt a thing.

So it was all that alcohol that’s reduced him to mental two-year old.


quote:

“Man, you,” said Sly, waving his finger at me, “Are possessed!”

Maybe I am. No, I’m not going to believe that crap again!

Who the hell leaps to demonic possession as the first explanation for high alcohol tolerance? :psyduck:


quote:

“So Rod, where did you get your job?” asked Sly.

“At Mystic Park. I’m the new roller coaster engineer.”

“Rodney! Of all jobs, a roller coaster engineer? I thought you were better than that!” He objected.

“Yeah Rodney, you could have had a job working on cars. I hate those drat roller coasters. They piss you off in more ways than one,” Buddy laughed.

And where in the world are roller coasters and roller coaster-related jobs a widespread object of contempt? How do roller coasters “piss you off in more ways than one”? :psyduck:


quote:

I felt my head get hot. Suddenly I had the taste for blood. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to clear my mind. I found myself licking my lips and producing more saliva than normal. I glared at Sly and Buddy; I drew my hands into fists, as I was stricken with frustration.

Anger does lead to increased saliva production, but I am unaware of any other work of fiction that focuses on that particular physiological response to wrath. Miranda Leek certainly has very eclectic priorities.


quote:

Then on that note both Buddy and Sly’s beer bottles shattered in their hands, glass piercing through their skin. They both screamed at spectators gathered around them. What did I do! Did I even do this? What’s wrong with me!

Previously we had seen gravitational control in a theme park. Now even a common pub has teleportation devices installed that can instantaneously transport its customers and staff into a stadium.


quote:

Suddenly I didn’t feel too good. I felt dizzy and lightheaded. I stood, only to stumble against the wall.

“Are you ok?” a shaken waitress asked.

“I’m not sure.” I uttered as I felt beads of sweat coat my forehead.

“Did you drink too much?”

“No,” I lied. Then I walked out the door of the bar. Was I finally feeling the effects of the beer? Or was it something else?

Dude, it’s the beer. In the same sentence you admitted that you had “lied” when asked whether you had drank too much.


quote:

I went to the back of the bar where my car was parked and started to fiddle with my keys. My hands shook terribly, making me drop them to the pavement. Before I could pick them up, a cat ran from under my car and snatched the keys with his mouth. He then vanished into the darkness. I looked up thinking what next and saw the moon.

Hang on to your seats – here it comes, the most hilarious transformation sequence in the history of literature.


quote:

Pain sliced trough [sic] my body.

Chapter Four typo count - 2


quote:

I felt hot as fire then cold as ice. I broke out in a tremendous sweat. My fingers singed. Pain raced down my back. My skin turned red as blood, my head throbbed.


From Chapter Three – “My body was as hot as fire then as cold as ice. My veins rippled beneath my skin. My muscles bulged as my fingers singed. “


quote:

I was getting bigger; thread-by-thread my clothes came apart.

Those must be some god-drat exquisite clothes if they unravel “thread-by-thread” during a transformation sequence instead of just being ripped up and torn apart.


quote:

My jaw popped out of socket, then pushed forward with my nose, forming a long snout. What’s happening to me! My mind screamed. My back ripped through my shirt. Grind! Snap! Pop! The sound of cracking bones, my bones. My skin hardened. My fingers fused together, and then round tips formed at the end, making – wheels.

“Grind! Snap! Pop! The sound of cracking bones, my bones.”


quote:

“It can’t be!” I said finally realizing. Woody was Thunderbark and his tall tale was true.

My shoulder blades shook as seats shot upwards. Then they formed along my back and up towards my head. My organs started to resituate as my tailbone extended. Everything internal and external compressed and stretched.

Is it compression or stretching? Make up your mind!


quote:

I was changing into my ride form, as Thunderbark had said; I was changing into a roller coaster, a roller coaster called Railrunner, the real me. I felt my mind clearing, being over powered by some unknown force. I was losing control. Pain went through me in spasms. Then it all stopped.

Isn’t “my mind clearing” the exact opposite of “being over powered” and “losing control”? :psyduck:


quote:



Marvel at the glory of Railrunner!


quote:

Railrunner fell to the ground in exhaustion. Inhaling and exhaling heavily.

Even though it is now a roller-coaster, for some reason it still has lungs and needs to breath.


quote:

The moon hung high overhead, and Railrunner was now running with it. He finally looked up; his fire tone amber eyes caught sight of it.

I wish the illustration was in colour so we could see what the hell kind of colour “fire tone amber” is supposed to be.


quote:

Railrunner stood upright on his middle cars. Then he let out a bellowing roar unlike any other, loud and powerful. The cat came out of the shadows and stood some ways from Railrunner.

The cat hissed at him its fur standing on end.

Railrunner glared at it. He crouched low to the ground and arched his back up high. Railrunner pilled [sic] back his lips, revealing dagger like teeth, and snarled menacingly. Saliva dripping from his jaws, he could smell the cats [sic] fear and its blood.

Chapter Four typo count - 4


quote:

The cat then let out a loud yowl and induced [sic] its claws. Railrunner then roared, and went strait [/sic] for the cat.

Chapter Four typo count - 5


quote:

Before the poor creature ever had a chance to get away, it fell victim to the demon coaster’s jaws.

And this is how mighty Railrunner begins his terrible rampage – by brutally slaughtering a cat.


quote:

Blood seeped into Railrunner’s mouth, it tasted good, he realized, like nectar to a god.

To Miranda Leek - Nectar “of” the gods is a thing. Nectar “to” a god is not a thing.


quote:

Out of control, Railrunner then turned and continued his savage raid.

He walked among the concrete; his wheels click clacking. He sniffed; he could smell more fear, more blood. The coaster crept over the bar and gazed down below to see humans. Scrawny and weak, they were no match for an almost twenty thousand pound living roller coaster.

How does Railrunner creep “over the bar”? Has the roof somehow been demolished already? And in the first place, how does a twenty-ton behemoth “creep”? Did no-one notice its approach? Are were-roller-coasters renowned for heightened powers of stealth?


quote:

On the ground paramedics tended to the men with glass shards through their hands. Their red blood, that matched Railrunner’s metal hide, dripped onto the ground. Railrunner smiled wickedly, his bloody teeth glistening in the moonlight.

Then the crazed creature leaped down from the building and on top of the parked ambulance. He threw his head back and roared loudly in pleasure. The frightened humans ran into the streets and some into the bar. He the [sic] climbed down from the ambulance and smashed through the bars [sic] windows.

Chapter Four typo count – 7

If the removal of just the windows (and not the entire wall) is sufficient to grant entry to a twenty-ton creature, those must be some friggin’ enormous windows indeed.


quote:

Railrunner then ransacked the pub’s interior to bits. The owner of the bar, Geoffrey Calloway, threw a beer bottle at Railrunner’s head; it smashed into a million pieces without the glass scratching Railrunner’s metal.

Those must be some truly gargantuan beer bottles –befitting of the abovementioned enormous windows if they can generate a million pieces upon breaking. No wonder Mr Calloway (who no doubt plays a continuing role in the book – else why would he suddenly get both a first and a last name?) believed that his beer bottle could inflict damage on a were-roller-coaster.


quote:

He paused then turned and barred [sic] his fangs at the man. Even though the bar owner was very prominent in Rodney’s memory, he found that he could not even recollect his face. Fool, though the roller coaster. He reared back and out of his wheels grew three fifteen –inch stainless steel blades that were perfectly sharp. Railrunner racked [sic] his claws across the quartz counter,

Chapter Four typo count - 9


quote:

cutting through it deeply and sharpening them at the same time.

If the claws are already “perfectly sharp”, how can they be further “sharpened”?


quote:

Fuming with rage, he went after the man.

The frightened soul ran into wine cellar with the steel door. I’m safe, Calloway thought, but he was dead wrong. Railrunner’s claws slashed through the steel door. They cut through the metal like butter. He then began to pull the door off its hinges.

The staircase leading to the cellar is apparently also large enough to accommodate a roller-coaster.


quote:

Suddenly a smoke bomb fell to the floor, making the place vaporous, but Railrunner’s eyes could see through it. He discovered the flashing lights of squad cars. His eyes narrowed and he growled low in his throat.

“Come on out with your hands up!” an officer yelled.

Railrunner walked upright towards the entrance. He then pushed the door off their hinges and stood in the line of fire.

And so is the doorway.


quote:

“It’s a – roller coaster?” One of the police said baffled, the gun shaking in his hand.

Railrunner crossly walked up to the police. They began to fire, their bullets simply bouncing off of him. He then grabbed the front bumper of the cruiser, and tossed it like a toy. It smashed into another car. Railrunner flung an officer out of his way and roared in sheer amusement. Within a blink of an eye he obliterated the small police force.

Railrunner looked at the mess he had made and snorted in disgust as he thought how pathetic the humans were. Then he looked to the moon and wailed, and ran off into the darkness.

If paramedics and police could be summoned to the bar within what can be no more than 10 minutes of the initial incident, the bar must be situated within populated suburbia. Where then is this “darkness” that can conceal a twenty-ton were-roller-coaster?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Credit goes to EagerSleeper for sending me the image of Rodney's were-roller-coaster form.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 11:10 on Mar 10, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Mercedes posted:



I'm so giddy. This book is awesome in it's awfulness!

Quoting Mercedes' dramatic reading of Chapter 4 for the new page.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

evil_cheese posted:


I am upset about "THE CAT" being killed. I like how it is introduced as "the cat" out of nowhere.



Not out of nowhere - it's the cat that had snatched his car keys earlier in the scene, just before the transformation sequence began.

quote:

I went to the back of the bar where my car was parked and started to fiddle with my keys. My hands shook terribly, making me drop them to the pavement. Before I could pick them up, a cat ran from under my car and snatched the keys with his mouth. He then vanished into the darkness. I looked up thinking what next and saw the moon.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 5 – As the Night Rolls on

quote:

Railrunner ran in the shadows. Blood was caked on his wheels, but he took no notice. He ran fast, faster than a car at top speed.

I’d be grateful if an engineer-goon could calculate how much noise, dust and general environmental destruction would be caused by a 20-tonne were-roller-coaster running “faster than a car at top speed”


quote:

He ran with the moon, spirited and free. He took in the air around him. Smells of animals and vehicles reached his nostrils.

What would be cliché in a werewolf story magically becomes utterly inspired and hilarious when transplanted into a story about a 20-tonne were-roller-coaster.


quote:

He could hear anything and everything. Then a somehow familiar scent made him stop, sniff the air, and then change direction. He barreled through the woods, leaping over obstacles as if they were nothing. After he ran as a blur against the forest foliage, Railrunner finally found the scent’s source, a dairy farm.

There aren’t too many roller coasters in my part of the world. Could the American goons confirm whether theme parks and such are typically situated next to agricultural facilities?


quote:

Back at the bar, cops investigated the area. Detective Black walked up to one of the injured officers. He lit up one of his favourite brands of cigarettes and got eye level to the man.

Instead of just “his favourite brand” or “a cigarette” or just naming the brand, it had to be “one of his favourite brands of cigarettes”. Truly no effort was spared in the writing of this book.


quote:

“So, did you see what did all of this?” he said blowing out a puff of smoke.

Have a heart, man! Your subordinate is injured in the course of duty and you blow smoke in his face when he’s still bleeding all over the ground!


quote:

“I have no Idea . [JWKS: “Idea” was spelt with a capital “I”] All I can remember was a squad car coming at me.” The plump man replied as he kept a hand to his throbbing head.

Black rose up and turned to one of his colleges [sic]. “Does anyone else involved have a brief description of what our suspect looks like?”

Why the insistence on a “brief” description? Do you not have the time for a full or lengthy one?


quote:

A tall officer waved at Detective Black [JWKS: No full stop] “Yes the owner was also involved.” He said pointing to a short bald man sitting on the steps that led to the bar’s entrance. Then Black approached the bar keeper with his eyes very dark with frustration. The bar’s demolition made no sense. It had been obliterated in record time, without explosives. Nothing seemed to add up.

Do eyes usually turn dark when one is frustrated? And isn’t it rather early to be frustrated at the progress of the investigation? You just arrived at the scene and interviewed a grand total of one person, dude.


quote:

“What did you see Mr. Calloway?” the detective demanded in a firm yet pensive tone as he got eye level to the owner.

Mercedes, please make an attempt at a “firm yet pensive” tone when you do a dramatic reading of Detective Black’s lines in this chapter.

Also, what’s with the fixation on pointing out Detective Black getting to “eye level” with other people? Is the author traumatized by an early childhood experience with people talking to her, or failing to talk to her, at eye level?


quote:


The exhausted man sat silently for a brief minute before he answered with his voice shaky.

“You’re not going to believe this, but it was a roller coaster.”

Black begun to choke on his cigarette.

“Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Heavens no! It was a roller coaster! A mutant roller coaster! It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen! It was red and about seventeen feet tall. It had two cat-like eyes and a nose like a snakes [sic]. its teeth were like a wolves [sic] and it could roar like a tiger!” He protested.

“That is quite enough Mr. Calloway.” Black said rolling his eyes.

“Detective, I think it may be on the security camera. Here’s the tape,” Mr Calloway said as he handed it to Black.

He took a camcorder one of his assistants handed to him and popped in the tape. Then he pressed play and begun to watch. Detective Black’s eyebrows raised as his jaw dropped slightly open- dumbfounded.

“He is right…”


What was the point of the scene with Mr Calloway if he’s just going to see the video recording immediately afterwards?



quote:

Railrunner crouched low in the brambles, and crept along the boarder [sic] of the small farm. His demon eyes scanned the cows. He quietly snuck over the fence.

A 20-tonne, 17-foot long were-roller-coaster “quietly snuck over the fence”.


quote:

The cow’s sent [sic] flooded his nostrils, but the bovines could not smell Railrunner’s, it went undetected.

A 20-tonne, 17-foot long were-roller-coaster who had blood “caked on his wheels “went undetected”.


quote:

Then he saw what he wanted, a bull.

Oh god, please don’t let this be what I’m afraid it is. :gonk:


quote:

Railrunner crept closer; suddenly the beast looked up and saw him. Then the coaster lunged full force at his target. His teeth snagged its flank and he flung the animal. The bull got to his feet struggling, and looked at the coaster. Railrunner snarled and barred [sic] his fangs, challenging it. What’s the matter? You not like red? He thought tauntingly. The bull charged with his horns lowered. Railrunner extracted his claws and slashed the poor creature’s throat; it fell to its side, dead.

He stood upon the bull and sank his teeth into its flesh. Its blood seeping into his mouth and satisfying its ravenous hunger.

Oh, what a relief. He just wanted to eat the bull.


quote:

Within minutes the bull was almost bones. Then from the farmhouse, a man stepped out with his gun.

“Who’s out there!” he yelled, his voice echoing in the fog.

This is the first time this chapter that “fog” has been mentioned. You’d think it should have been raised earlier, when Railrunner was sneaking up on the poor defenseless cattle.


quote:

Railrunner growled deep in his throat. The man aimed his gun blindly, not knowing what he was shooting at. He is not worth it; I have already eaten my fill, thought Railrunner. The man fired, but Railrunner was already gone.

Railrunner is an rear end in a top hat, Detective Black’s an rear end in a top hat, and now the farmer’s an rear end in a top hat too – not even the most permissive stand-your-ground laws permit you to just shoot blindly into an obscured area, I think.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

SSNeoman posted:

Our protagonist has so far accomplished the following:

1) Killed a cat
2) Wrecked a bar
3) Almost killed the angered bar owner
4) Attacked the police who came in response to the chaos

Railrunner is kind of an rear end in a top hat.

5) Killed and ate a bull

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 13:23 on Mar 14, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

Theme parks are generally located well outside of the cities, at the edges of suburbs. Noise pollution issues, you see. So yes, assuming our were-roller-coaster friend went to the nearest bar, the chances are very good that a dairy farm would be within "faster than a car" roaming distance.

That would explain how the "sent" of a dairy farm was familiar to our were-roller-coaster.


quote:

Also, I wasn't going to bring it up, but an American ton is actually 2000 pounds, not 1000, and so Railrunner would be a ten-ton monstrosity, not twenty. And since a kilogram is roughly 2.2 pounds, 10 tons is about 9 [metric] tonnes.

Thanks for the correction on the imperial weight system. I could never quite remember how many imperial units of weight / length converted into the next higher unit.

Railrunner's still heavier than an African elephant (8,800–15,000 lb), and he's spread out over only 17 feet of length as opposed to an elephant's 30 feet, which would make him about twice as dense as an elephant while remaining as stealthy as a wolf or tiger.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 6 – The Next Morning

quote:


I awoke the next morning sprawled out on top of my covers. I hoisted myself up, feeling dizzy. I took my index fingers and placed them just under my eyebrows to massage the area for my head throbbed horrendously. Was I on a hangover? What happened last night? Then it occurred to me.


Credit to Miranda Leek – she’s consistent about narrating “Rodney” from the first-person perspective and “Railrunner” from the third-person perspective.


quote:


“It could not have – I must have dreamed it.” I said getting up. I didn’t feel like my normal self, I was sore and felt like I had gained weight. I looked at myself, my skin had a redder tone and my hair was a tad bit longer. My muscles were huge! They looked like they belonged to an experienced bodybuilder. Did last night really occur?


I can understand the skin having a redder tone, but roller-coaster, regardless of coloration, aren’t typically known for having long hair or large muscles. Or hair or musculature of any kind, really.


quote:


I got ready and fixed myself a cup of coffee then sat in front of the TV. I switched it onto the morning news. I got up again to get the traditional morning donuts.


Is there a name for this style of writing, where you describe each individual step of the most mundane activities in the blandest way imaginable? Miranda Leek’s done it before in Chapter 1 when writing about Rodney starting up his car:

“When the time came, I grabbed my keys from the hook on the kitchen wall and entered the garage. I pressed the red button on the panel in the dusty corner to open up the door. As soon as the task was done, I climbed into my Mustang and started the engine. I immediately switched the radio on and turned it to my favourite station, blasting the song that was currently playing. I then put on my pair of sunglasses, completing my annual routine as I shifted into gear and drove off.”


quote:


“Breaking News! An unexplainable phenomenon has been proven to be real. A video surveillance camera captured the real suspect that destroyed the local bar Snooks, the culprit is a living roller coaster!”


In order to be an “unexplainable phenomenon”, it needs to have happened at least once in the past without adequate explanation, with the explanation to come at a later point in time. I’m starting to get the impression that perhaps Miranda Leek didn’t give much thought to what she’s writing.


quote:


I spun around to face the TV, spilling the donuts onto the floor. I then ran to the screen. The news began to show the video from the bar. My heart started to beat faster.

“It was real! And that was me!” I said, my words struggling to leave my mouth.

“This unusual coaster took many victims on the night of his raid, including five police officers. One of the survivors was bar owner, Geoffrey Calloway. I was pinned in the wine fridge, and it was slashing trough [sic] the metal door! Calloway said. It destroyed the whole bar! He continued as he waved his hands in the air.


Miranda Leek has never watched a TV news channel in her life.


quote:


Another event that authorities believed the coaster committed; [sic] was the slaughter of a local farmer’s bull. It was sucked dry, it was nothing but bones, but I remember seeing a pair of bright red eyes [JWKS: No full stop here]


She’s also under the impression that bulls are made of bones and blood, such that being “sucked dry” is sufficient to leave a bull with “nothing but bones”.


quote:


“I’m screwed!” I said as my heart rate skyrocketed.

“Any information on the coaster pleases [sic] call 567-9000. There is a reward.”

I turned off the TV. Last night was real. I was a monster that killed for blood! Wait, Thunderbark, he did this to me! But yet he said I was already like this. I’ll get answers from him. I think he is expecting me, he knew ahead of time!

My pondering was interrupted by a knock on the door. I answered it. A girl with silky blonde hair stood smiling in the doorway. It was my girlfriend Clare, and at the worst possible time to [sic].


And of course we need a romance sub-plot in this absolute train roller-coaster-wreck of a book.


quote:





I hope you weren’t planning to fall asleep tonight.


quote:


“Hey Rodney, did you see the news this morning?” she asked as she twirled a long soft strand around her finger.

“Y…y…yes.” I said, choking on my own words.

“That has to be a hoax or something, that’s impossible.” She said pointing to the video on screen.

“Yeah it’s got to be,” I said playing along.

“It’s probably the doings of Detective Black, he stretches the truth a lot. Plus he used to be a graphic designer.”

“Yeah, he probably did the whole thing by computer.” I replied gulping. I could start to feel myself sweat fretfully.


I did a Google search for “sweat fretfully” and the first two results were online excerpts of this chapter, with the third result being “He Said, She Said – A Jerry Yan and Barbie Hsu fanfic”.


quote:


“Exactly, so where are you working now? I heard you got a new job.”

“Yeah it’s at Mystic Park.” I said almost biting my tongue. I didn’t even feel like saying roller coaster right now.

“Nice, well I have to go, you remember our date at the carnival right?” Clare said smiling warmly.

“Yeah I’ll be there.”

She kissed me goodbye and left. As soon as she did I grabbed my wallet and headed for the park, I was going to see Thunderbark, immediately.


Credit to Miranda Leek again – this actually sounds like a conversation that a couple could have.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
BONUS CONTENT

Credit to Geokinesis for informing me of the author's website for this book.

http://www.mirandasmagic.com/bio-railrunner.php posted:




JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:

and JSWK, have you read the entire book?

I have not. One chapter at a time is as much as I can endure.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Interlude - Behind Iron Bars

quote:


He got up again, and started pacing. cold hard reality was hitting him. Because of his curse, he lost so many things; his home, his belongings, his identity, and his love. He was forever a fear and blood seeking monster. Doomed to live his life as a damned soul and with a destiny that would probably never be fulfilled.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
:siren: GUEST REVIEW BY MERCEDES :siren:

---------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 7 – Cold Hard Facts


quote:


I made my way to the gate of the park. I stopped to ask a nearby janitor that was doing some extra cleaning a question.

“Do you know where Woody is?”

“He’s working on the steel coaster.” He replied in a wheezy voice.

“Thanks.”


Why doesn't the janitor get a name while the bar owner gets a first AND last name? I wish the janitor was black so I can call Miranda Leek out on racism.


quote:


I then started towards the coaster. My muscles began to tighten again and my skin tingled. I headed to the basement of the coaster’s station for I knew Thunderbark had a second office there. I had seen it while we were climbing the stairs to the station. It was unlocked so, I quietly opened the door.



“Hello Railrunner.” Thunderbark said closing a book. “I knew you were coming.”


“And I waited here for hours while pretending to read. I have to have the perfect dramatic pose.”


quote:


“We need to talk.” I said sternly.

“Of course, sit.”

I took a seat in front of Thunderbark’s desk. He sat down and took a sip of coffee. The “engineer” then looked at me, obviously waiting for me to start.

“I want to know what the hell you did to me.” I said pointing at him. Unexpectedly, Thunderbark only let a small smile come to his face.

“Absolutely nothing.” He replied.

“Don’t lie to me.” I retorted.

Thunderbark only looked at me smirking. “So I take it you know what happened last night?” he spoke as he closed a large book on his desk.


Again with the books. Thunderbark obviously wants to seem smarter than he actually is, so I can picture his desk covered with open books. Most of them upside down.


quote:


“I became a savage beast.”

“A roller coaster can be quite a nuisance on its first moon, but I’ll get to that in a second. As you know you are indeed a roller coaster. Now I think you should know a few pointers. First of all it is quite an honor to be of roller coaster blood. Both you and I have it.”


Thunderbark ominously closed a book on his desk.


quote:


“So you’re a coaster too?” I said finally realizing why he was so strange to begin with.

“A wooden one. As you are steel. Now I need to tell you what you should keep in mind at all times. In the real world, a roller coaster is like a werewolf each night. Your soul has no control at all and you have the taste of blood, until however, when on the night of your first full moon, on the strike of twelve, you will have control but you will still be a coaster. Then after the full moon, you will then have control from every night on.”


Thunderbark stared into Rodney's eyes, and then closed a book that was placed on his own head.


quote:


“The full moon is tomorrow night.”

“It is. Now there are other ways to becoming the roller coaster in pure daylight. One is by touching any coaster track. Two is by riding a roller coaster. And three is when you need power the most. And the forth [sic] I will tell you when you’re ready.”

“What about in Amusement Park Between?”

“You’re a roller coaster twenty four seven. When you’re here in the real world, the coaster is by night and any of the three reasons I told you.”


I feel I need to point this out. Rodney is not a roller coaster. He's a giant roller coaster train that can apparently fit through human sized doors.


quote:


“All right.”

“Now a roller coaster has powers beyond humans [sic] understanding. We can bend lightening [sic] and fire; posses [sic] super strength and agility. We can predict when things will happen, except death, and sense trouble. We can never get sick -.”


This is the best. Miranda Leek does not have auto-correct in her word processor, or she looks at the red squiggles with fondness as if they were her own personal roller coaster train.


quote:


“So that’s why I never got drunk on all those beers.” I said chuckling a little.

“Yes. As I was saying, we are venomous, we can hear a sound from miles, we have the sight of a dragon, and other things.”

“Is [sic] there any precautions?”


My question would be “Dragons don't exist.” I know that's not an actual question so shush. I just never knew that the power of a dragon's eyesight is commonly known information.


quote:


“Of course!” Thunderbark gasped as he threw one of his hands to his forehead. “Railrunner, stay away from civilization at night. Wear gloves and long sleeves when you work on the coasters. And forget about love.”


Thunderbark then closed a book he was balancing on his foot.


quote:


“Why love?”

“Railrunner, you are a roller coaster. Your lover is a human. Once she sees the real you, she’s done. Don’t even try to conceal the truth from her; she will find out sooner or later. [JWKS: No closing quotation marks here] Thunderbark said letting out an [sic] provoked sigh. “This is almost a blessing and a curse.”


When skunks are provoked, they spray the perceived threat with their stinky butt juice. When roller coasters are provoked, they impersonate Napolean Dynamite.


quote:



“Well that’s not stopping me from going out with her. In fact, we have a date this afternoon.”

“Fine then, don’t listen to me, but where is your date at?” Thunderbark said with his eyes changing like a mood ring again.

“It’s at the carnival.”

“What kind, Railrunner?” he demanded with his icy eyes going dark.

“The ones with the booths and rides.”


As opposed to the carnivals with half naked Brazilians dancing in the street. The best kind of carnival.


quote:


“Oh boy. Railrunner a roller coaster gains power from amusement parks and carnivals. You also gain power from rides and you can have the ability to control them like their speed and how long they last. If you step on the rails or in a coaster car, you go roller coaster instantly. I would think about that,” [JWKS: So that’s where the missing quotation mark went] Railrunner. It’s not a good idea to be going there, at all.” He said as he crossed his arms.

“I’ll be fine.” I said getting up and heading for the door.

“You are making a mistake!” I heard Thunderbark say as I shut the door behind me.


Angrily, Thunderbark closes another book that was hidden in the desk drawer.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

my dad posted:

Well, my accent is too strong for a dramatic reading, so have this instead:



You need to fit in Clare's neck in there somewhere. The neck that is longer than her entire head.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Mar 22, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

my dad posted:

I tried to fit in Clare's neck in there somewhere. The neck is longer than her entire head. :gonk:

How about swapping out her head for her neck in that picture?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
I've just finished transcribing Chapter 8 and am typing out my review of it. In the meantime, enjoy this preview picture of half-Rodney half-Railrunner.


JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Mar 25, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 8 – Carnevil

quote:

I went home to get ready; I wasn’t going to listen to Thunderbark this time. A few minutes Clare drove up the driveway. As she climbed out and edged toward the front door, I started to get second thoughts, what if Thunderbark was right? Maybe this was a stupid Idea [JWKS: Spelled with a capital “I”], but I couldn’t bail now.

You totally can bail, moron! Just say you have a headache or a stomachache or something!


quote:

“Are you ready?” Clare asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did you want to take my car or yours?” she smiled as she started out the door.

“Yours. Mine was towed last night.” I said coming up with an answer that seemed logical. Even though in the back of my mind that was probably what happened.

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you later,” I gulped.

I will buy a free forum upgrade or avatar to the goon who can demonstrate that Rodney’s car was destroyed or otherwise lost during one of the earlier chapters, because I’ve re-read all of them and can’t find any evidence to such effect. Of course, that means that you will have to re-read the earlier chapters, but that’s the iron price you have to pay.


quote:

Clare and I then got into her convertable [sic] and started our departure. A sixth scent [sic] kicked in. I’m stupid for doing this! I shouldn’t have even answered the drat door! I can’t get out of this now, I’ll just get some info on the carnival first, I thought.

Miranda Leek has a gross misunderstanding of what a “sixth sense” typically entails.


quote:

“So, how many people do you think will be there?” I asked.

“Oh, lots! Its [sic] opening night.”

“What all is there?”

“Well there are games, booths, rides - .”

“Do you know what kinds of rides there are?”

“You know, carousels, ferris wheels, tilt o whirls, roller coasters -.”

“Did you say roller coasters?” I said as my heart skipped a beat.

“Yes, do you like them?”

“Well yes and no.”

“What do you not like about them?”

Oh boy, how should I put this? I pondered as I rubbed my chin.

“Well I have my reasons.”

“Weird, because you are a roller coaster engineer.” She laughed as she turned on the radio.

If only you knew, if only you could understand, I thought. I wish if I told you, Clare, that you could accept it and still love me. If only I wasn’t a monster.

This dialogue makes me cringe. Who the hell says “Well yes and no” or “Well, I have my reasons” when talking about roller coasters? Just lie, you bloody idiot! Say you have motion sickness or something!


quote:

I tried to relax a little bit; I just have to avoid riding or touching any coasters. Plus be back and away from Clare before the moon rose. If I wasn’t careful I could kill her by mistake!

“So how did your car get towed?” Clare asked suddenly.

I chuckled a little. “I parked it in the wrong place.” I wasn’t really lying on that one.

“Don’t worry Rodney, I’ve been there and done that.” She laughed as she drove around the bend. “Another thing, where were you last night? I called lots of times to ask if you were okay since the monster was out.”

My blood ran cold. “Well Clare, I was at the hospital with my friends [JWKS: Missing comma] they had to go to the emergency room last night.” I said lying through my teeth.

“Oh, hope they are all right.”

“They should be.”

That’s the lie you choose to tell? Something as easily disprovable as that?


quote:

“Well, we will be there in a sec. It is right around this curb.”

“Wonderful.” I replied. I was in deep water now.

A few seconds later I saw the carnival, and its rides. Including the roller coaster. A small streak of pain went down my spine even before I stepped out onto the cracked concrete. I’ve made a big mistake, I thought as a drop of sweat ran down my neck.

“Oh crap,” I said without thinking.

“What is it?”

“Ummm, there are a lot of people here.” I said coming up with another answer.

“What’s wrong with that? Besides lines.”

“Well, I’m not so good with crowds.”

“Just come on Rodney. [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] She said guiding me out of the car.

“Maybe we should go to the movies or something.”

Clare suddenly turned to me. “What is the truth, Rodney? Why don’t you want to be here?” She said, her eyes looking deep within me.

“Clare – the truth is complicated.” I sighed. “Hard to understand as well.”

She didn’t reply she just continued on guiding me into the carnival.

“Come on Rodney, lets [sic] at least try to put our problems aside us.” She said walking through the admission gates.

If only I could, Clare.

Say you got’ve agoraphobia, you frigging dumbass! That’s a lie that not easily falsified!


quote:

A little while later Clare dragged me onto a ferris wheel. As soon as I sat down, my feet and hands started to tingle. I’m feeling the power, I realized. I need to keep in control at all cost and maintain stability.

“This is fun,” Clare said as we slowly went up.

“Um, Clare, I have to go home before night falls.” I said suddenly as I stared ahead at the horizon, not even flinching once.

“Why?” She questioned.

“I have to go to work.”

“Really? Odd, I’m sure we can work something out.”

When the ride as over, we went on a few more. The coaster was getting more and more power by the second. My body was feeling more unstable by the minute. Clare had not mentioned the roller coaster yet, thank god.

“Getting power from taking carnival rides” is so hilariously dumb both in concept and execution that it almost makes up for the aggravatingly dumb that is everything else about the book.


quote:

“I’m saving the best for last Rodney, the roller coaster.”

So much for forgetting all about it. I need to make her be distracted. Do something other than a ride. But what? The performances? No, something that could keep her attention. A game! That’s it! I needed to keep her busy. How to get away? Now there was a question that I still had no answer to.

“I have a stomachache / headache / from the noise / the crowds / the carnival food / the rides.” There, problem solved.


quote:

“Why don’t we do some games?”

“Oh alright [JWKS: Missing full stop]

We got in line for one of those games were [sic] you throw a ball at a pile of clay pins. Clare was up first.

“I suck at this, so don’t you laugh Rodney!”

“I won’t,” I smiled at her. She then threw the ball at the pins, missing them by several inches.

“Crap, well it’s your turn.” She said handing me the ball.

I took it from her and looked at the bottles. I could suddenly see their pressure points. Where I needed to hit them in order for them to fall over. I took aim, and then released the ball like a cannon blast. It hit the bottles, making them fly through the air, the ball went straight through the tent. I began to feel embarrassment on top of everything else.

“Bottles and their pressure points – A thesis by Rodney Railrunner.”

Also, Rodney apparently now has the proportionate strength of a roller-coaster even in his human form, but as a trade-off has the proportional intelligence of a brick.


quote:

“Dang, [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] said the perplexed host, [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] well here is your prize,” he said, handing me a giant stuffed panda. I nodded in thanks then handed the bear to Clare.

Oh no, not Master Lazy Panda!


quote:

“That was amazing! [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] She said grasping my arm. She stopped and ran her frail fingers among my skin, puzzled. “Rodney – have you been working out? Your muscles are huge!”

“Um – sort of.”

“Hey you want to go on the roller coaster now?”

“No. How about uh, the house of mirrors?” I said, blurting out the first attraction I saw.

“Fine.” She said a little disenchanted.

Maybe I could lose her in there, I thought. We started to walk towards the maze. It wasn’t busy; Clare and I were the only ones going in. The operator let us through.

Lose her in there? That’s better than just telling her you aren’t feeling well?


quote:

“See you at the exit!” she said heading into the maze.

I’ve seen “house of mirrors” in Scooby Doo and other American cartoons, but have never actually visited one. Do their operators need to go through the maze themselves every single time there’s a customer? That sounds rather inefficient.


quote:

I started, but as I looked into the mirrors, I saw the face of horror, Railrunner’s. My reflection was the real me. I looked around; I had a roller coaster reflection in every single one! I began to run, Railrunner running with me, as my reflection. I must get out of here! No one can see me for what I really am. I ran faster, my lungs expanded and compressed as I let out huge puffs of air.

So he’s got improved strength but not stamina or endurance. A shame, really – Clare might have been able to accept Rodney’s shapeshifting nature if it meant he could start lasting hours and hours in bed.


quote:

I stumbled out of the exit and landed on the dirt ground, right at Clare’s feet.

The hell? Didn’t they go in together? How did Clare get out of the house of mirrors faster than Rodney if he’d been running through the place?


quote:

She grabbed my hand and pulled me up, and started to yank me across the lot.

“Rodney, we are riding the roller coaster now, no exceptions.” She said forcing me to follow her.

“Clare no! [JWKS: Missing quotation mark] I pleaded. My spine began to ache as we stood right in front of it.

“What is it Rodney?” She said glaring at me.

“You really want the truth! I’m a monster!”

She rolled her eyes mischievously and climbed up the platform, still pulling me along.

“Clare you don’t understand! You could get killed!” I pleaded.

“Rodney, you are most [sic] likely to drown in your bathtub than falling off a roller coaster any day.” She laughed.

[JWKS: Missing quotation mark] But Clare, you don’t -.” I didn’t finish, she pulled me into the car with her.

Clare seems pretty nonchalant about the whole “I’m a monster” bit. Is were-roller-coaster-induced stupidity a disease that can be spread to your family and loved ones?


quote:

Rodney broke out in a tremendous sweat at the car climbed the hill. His body started to shake. Clare looked at him frightened.

“Rodney! What’s wrong with you!” She screamed.

“Clare, I told you… I’m a monster!” Rodney said wincing. The car traveled faster, Rodney shook violently, and his form had been activated. His skin began to singe and peel, exposing a mixture of metal and flesh underneath. Clare screamed horrendously. Rodney was changing and getting stronger. He lifted up his restraint, and as the car rounded the curb, Rodney tumbled out. He hit the concrete without breaking any bones or scaring [sic] his body. He then started to scream.





Rodney began to change. No! he screamed. I will not be overpowered! He fought the beast that he really was. His change began to slow, but it could never be stopped.

This is physically painful to read.


quote:

Clare stood several feet away from him watching in horror.

In the last paragraph “The car traveled faster”. When and how did Clare get off the roller coaster herself? :psyduck:


quote:

Rodney’s shoulderblades [sic] vibrated as seats sprouted along his back. The skin was ripping off his chest and, he was slowly losing his sanity. His hands and feet fused together to make wheels. His tailbone extended as his teeth grew into fangs. Still, his own will was in control, but not for long.

Won’t someone please make a animation short of this?


quote:

Clare walked up to him.

“Rodney!” She yelled.

He turned and looked at her. He was only half roller coaster at the moment. His skin dangled from him and his hair falling out.

“Rodney, are you a - ?”

“Clare!” he said in a rugged voice. “This only happens at night! And when I touch a coaster. Clare you must go!”

“This only happens at night! And when I touch a coaster.” Miranda Leek may be a terrible writer in almost every way, but she has undisputed mastery of bathos.


quote:

“I need to protect you.”

“NO! Clare I have no control until the full moon, until then I can kill you!” he finished as a rippling pain raced through his body. He wailed like a dog and started to rip off his excess skin. He was losing it.

“Clare… RUN!”

He grew through his clothes and towered over Clare. His jaw popped out of socket and then pushed forward, forming a snout. His eyes burned as they became unhuman [sic]. He roared to sky signaling that Railrunner had returned.

Clare stood motionless looking at her lover. She didn’t want to believe what she was seeing.

“Rodney?” she said to him dumbfounded. He started to recover from the rapid change, and then his eyes met hers. Railrunner snarled and extracted his steel dagger-like claws.

“Rodney! It’s me!”

Its [sic] Railrunner now.” The coaster spoke. He edged up toward Clare. Then he threw back his head and howled. Then before Clare could react, he lunged for her. She was frozen in fear and couldn’t move…

And then Rodney was the Railrunner.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 15:48 on Mar 28, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
:siren: GUEST REVIEW BY ICED COCOA :siren:


Chapter 9 – The Rampage of a Roller Coaster

I hate the fact this book exists and I'll tell you all about it.


quote:

Suddenly detective Black jumped in front of Clare. He held a rifle aimed at Railrunner, and then he let loose the gun’s power. Clare ran for her life while Black was firing. Railrunner landed in front of him and raised his claws, and nailed the detective, sending him crashing through a tent. Railrunner let loose a roar as he leapt [sic] onto the top of the fifty foot lift hill.

That’s when they all saw him, blood on his wheels and grinning wickedly at the carnival guest. His tail lashed back and forth like an angry cat, and his eyes narrowed. Then all hell broke loose as Railrunner leaped from his perch and the people ran wild.

I've been at a carnival. Though it was not at the opening day, it was packed shoulder to shoulder and you could easily lose sight of someone in the crowd. I'm not an American, but wouldn't there be some major problem if there is a uniformed officer walking around with a rifle? I can only imagine panic and terror in a very crowded place once someone spots the rifle before the uniform. Or even with the uniform because it's always possible they might be fake.

And of course nothing of consequence really happens. Railrunner shrugs off the fire and goes on a rampage.


quote:

Just outside the carnival stood Thunderbark and his allies. They were behind a bus watching Railrunner’s rampage.

“Got a plan Thunderbark?” asked Merrylegs.

“We need to take action; we don’t want this news reaching outside the city!” Static spoke.

“Static you are right. Even though Railrunner disobeyed me and came here with his girlfriend anyway, we must help.”

“What are we gonna do then!” Static interrupted.

“Fine. Here is the plan. Merrylegs you go and save the girl, she is at the most risk because Railrunner will seek to destroy the [sic] closest to him. Static, cops will arrive shortly, stall them anyway you can. As for me I will try and stop Railrunner.”

Wait, just how are they going to stop the news from reaching outside the city? This is the opening day of the carnival, so there is going to be a lot of people there. This book was published in 2010 I believe, so the concept of phones with video-recording capability is not so far-fetched. And it isn't that hard to believe some people there have them, and have the presence of mind to record this unique event.

And if you notice, the narrative focus has changed. This is the third point of view we've been introduced to. Just pointing it out. First there was Rodney in first person, then Monster Railrunner in third person, and now we have narrative third person of the secondary characters.


quote:

Merrylegs agreed and Static nodded. Then Merrylegs started to change. Her hair and legs got longer. A brass pole grew out from her. Then her jaw and nose became a snout and her ears pointed. She became a yellow carousel horse. She reared back on her hind legs and flicked her lion like [sic] tail and bolted into the park. Then Static started his transformation. His skin hardened and turned green and blue. His tailbone became a long cable with a wire on its end. A steering wheel grew from his back. He doubled over and became a bumper car; he too headed for the park.

“Railrunner,” spoke Thunderbark to himself. “You are an ignorant fool who has a lot to learn and a long way to go.” He said while watching his comrades arrive unnoticed in the carnival. “Despite you [sic] poor decision I am giving you another chance.”

He took off his old cowboy hat, his silver hair shone into the moon and his dragon like [sic] eyes sparkled. Then he began to turn into his true self. Seats sprouted along his back and his teeth became fangs. His hands became wheels and his jaw popped out, becoming a snout. His skin hardened and the final details occurred. He became a snow-white roller coaster with ice blue eyes. A silver lightning bolt ran across them. He let loose a ghostly howl and then ran for the carnival.

No longer cat eyes, but dragon eyes. And he just has to be more dramatic in his transformation than the other two, tossing away his cowboy hat.

And they can change by will as well. So is it only during the first moon that they can't change by will, is it the fourth reason for why they can change, or did Miranda forget her own rules?


quote:

Static rolled behind a wall and took observation, a line of police cars had just pulled up. He simply grinned at them. He thought he should destroy news crews if they arrived along with the police. He stood and transformed back into his human form and walked out of his hiding place with his hands casually in his pockets.

I think Miranda forgot her own rules, since apparently the bumper car can change back to human the same night when the moon is in the air. Or maybe the moon is not up yet, or maybe the rules are different when talking about other kind of amusement park rides than roller coaster trains.


quote:

“Kid! What are you doing! This area is under complete lockdown!” A cop scolded.

“I’m just passing trough [sic] dude.” Then he glanced at their cruisers. “Aren’t those Chargers?”

“Kid, we are warning you!”

“Funny, I never get along with cars to [sic] well…”

A policeman placed his gun on Static’s back. And with that, Static released a painful shock into the man’s body, knocking him unconscious. He fell backward, reveling [sic] Static’s cable tail.

“What the hell?” an officer said as he stared motionless at the unexpected appendage.

Static then turned into the rest of his bumper car form. Then he floored it towards the police cars. Within minutes he destroyed them.

“drat I’m good!” he laughed.

Not only police officers can walk in a crowded carnival with rifles strapped to their sides, but they can escalate force very quickly for no reason at all. They point a gun at what they call "a kid", which Rodney previously identified as a "kid" in their thirties. Just what is the reasoning behind this? Sure there is a monster on the loose and for some reason the police is already at the scene with several cruisers, but would that be a reason enough to point a gun at a "kid" who's curious about their cars? Is this some American police culture I'm missing out on? If this is how police work works in the US, I'm glad I'm not living there.


quote:

Railrunner ran through the carnival, destroying nearly everything in his path. From toppling over small rides to completely obliterating food stands. People continued to run in panic. Railrunner could smell their fear and blood. He roared in pure pleasure. Off in the distance he saw flashing lights and heard sirens. It was police and swat [sic] teams. How Railrunner hated them, how he despised them! Come on, challenge me! See if you’re brave enough to come after me! Railrunner thought laughing to himself.

Railrunner is destroying rides. This would come up later if Miranda had any hindsight or the ability to work ahead.

Railrunner already hates the cops, apparently along with everyone else. Clare had no respect for the cops as well, thinking that they would make up a tale about a monster that killed five of them last night. Any police officers are sub-human in this novel, as we'll notice in later chapters.


quote:

He left the midway and traveled deep into the fair. He entered the area where the creative arts and agricultural buildings stood. Driven by his ravenous hunger, Railrunner leaned full tilt towards the livestock. Scent of pigs and cattle flooded his nostrils. He began to stalk his prey, silently walking inside the large barn. He went undetected, he had no scent nor was he seen. His eyes scanned the plump cows, Railrunner began licking his chops. Then he found his victim, a fat black and white dairy cow.

He slowly crept behind her, she could not smell him, but he could smell her, her blood. She suddenly felt his shallow breathing on the back of her neck; she turned and came face to face with her worst nightmare. Railrunner nailed her, the cow put up no struggle. He dragged her out of the barn, her body leaving a bloody trail. He stopped in the middle of a main walkway, and lay down the cow. Let them see me feast, let their fear overcome them, He thought angrily. The demon roller coaster sunk his dagger like teeth into the cow’s carcass. Flesh and blood poured down his throat as he devoured his prize. He continued to detatch [sic] flesh from bone, satisfying his hunger.

He then heard footsteps behind him, he grinned to himself. You’re in for it. He then looked up and at his stalker. It was a swat [sic] team member. Blood dripped from his jaws as he stared at him, his eyes full of hatred. The man aimed his gun at Railrunner, who reared backward and extracted his claws. Then he charged as a juggernaut at the succorless [sic] man. Before the swat [sic] team member could fire, Railrunner’s claws pierced through his chest. He fell with a soft thud on the concrete. Railrunner snorted in disgust then he turned and saw, Clare.

Another cow hunted down and eaten. Another cop killed. If Railrunner had attacked and killed a pig we would have some commentary on the evils of cops. Or if this was actually a good writer, Who wouldn't write this in the first place, this would be some comparison of how useless and brainless cops are, equal to cows. But no, this is Miranda, and things are not thought through at all.


quote:

Railrunner crouched low and started to growl. Clare stood frozen, crying. She trembled as Railrunner crept toward her.

“Rodney it’s me!” She said as tears were rolling down her face. She was still in shock ever since Rodney had transformed. She was so transfixed during that time that she did not remember what he had told her.

“Rodney, why?” she asked. “How did this happen?”

Railrunner growled even louder. There was something familiar with her, but he could not process the mere thought.

“How Rodney, how!” She said whimpering.

Railrunner barred [sic] his fangs and prepared to strike, but before he could make a move a bright yellow carousel horse darted in front of him. He looked at it, watching it force the girl to get on its back. It’s stealing my prey, he thought angrily. The horse ran off with the girl. He roared and went after them.

Given that the whole trouble began at the roller coaster ride, then Railrunner went on a rampage for a while until snacking on yet another cow and killing a swat member, Clare has all that time followed him out of hopeless love and hope to talk him down or something. While being in shock and totally forgotten what he had told her before he transformed. And not run away when the monster that was her boyfriend killed someone. Perhaps because anyone involved with police work is sub-human.

And of course Clare can't save herself because she's in love with Rodney so she has to be saved by the other secondary woman character.


quote:


+++

I carried Clare through the gallows of the carnival. Railrunner was hot on my trail. I ran through the sprinklers, for I knew they would disguise my scent. I galloped under the stadium of the dirt track, Clare still grasping my brass pole in fear. Poor thing, she had no idea. I ran into an underground storage room and forced Clare off my back. I then became human and locked the door. And shut the prison window across the room, peeking out the blinds.

“Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on!”

She said looking at me in pure terror. I walked toward her, she only scooted back away.

“I am not going to hurt you, Clare. I’m here to protect you.”

“What’s going on? How do you know my name? You person… horse, or whatever you are.”

“First of all quit yelling! Second of all I’m a carousel horse. And third like you I have a name, Its [spelled with a capital “I”] Merrylegs.”

“Well Merrylegs, what is going on with my boyfriend Rodney? Why is he a roller coaster!”

I sat beside Clare. “I can only speak a few answers. Rodney like me is not human, he is a ride from Amusement Park Between, an amusement park that can exist within any amusement park and is only accessible by those who are of its blood. In our world every ride is alive.”

“Ok, but what is up with Rodney?”

“Well Rodney’s real name is Railrunner. As you could see, he is a roller coaster, the highest authority in our world, and the most powerful creature. If he dares to touch or ride he transforms no matter what. In our world he is a roller coaster twenty four seven, in your world he is coaster by night.”

“I just can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Best believe, this legend is real.”

She looked up at me, wiping away tears.

“Hop on, we are getting out of this carnival.” I said as I changed and whisked her away into the darkness.

This is something that should never be done. Unless you intend to make it the main theme of the novel in whole. Not only did the narrative focus change yet again in the same chapter, but it changed just who owns the first person narrative focus. While Miranda was previously given credit for changing the perspective between Railrunner and Rodney, I think this will utterly remove any praise she has received for that.

So, her boyfriend is a monster. Just before he kills her she's taken by a carousel horse into a locked underground storage shed, where said carousel horse changes into a human, feeds her some unbelievable story, then tells her to hop on back to escape the carnival. Am I the only one who has any problems with that? Clare is a floormat, simply put.


quote:

Railrunner sniffed the air and snorted in disgust. He had lost the carousel horse. He stood alone among the empty buildings. Suddenly a new scent worked its way into his nostrils. Detective Black quietly snuck up behind him, a large machete in his hand. He raised it towards Railrunner’s back and prepared to stab him but, to his dismay the coaster turned around and clasped the machete in his wheels. He roared into his face, and hit him with a heavy blow, knocking the detective out cold.

And look, Detective Black is back, apparently not too injured after being thrown several feet into a tent after being stabbed as well, armed with a machete that came from who knows where. But now it looks like he was simply knocked unconscious now. Poor Detective Black, he has so little role in the book that he only gets a single paragraph for each of his attacks on Railrunner, only to be beaten down in those very same paragraphs.


quote:

“Railrunner.” Said a deep voice behind him. He turned to see a white roller coaster. Railrunner let out a nasty snarl, threatening him.

“I warned you, Railrunner.” It continued. [Missing quotation mark] You deliberately disobeyed me, now you’re paying the price on several accounts.”

Railrunner turned around completely and barred [sic] his teeth and arched his back. He suddenly stood up and generated lightning on his wheels; he directed it at the other coaster. Then it was released in a bolt that headed strait [sic] for Thunderbark. The white coaster somehow stopped it, redirected it, and hit Railrunner. He screamed in pain and fell to the concrete. He then blacked out.





I love how Thunderbark "somehow" managed to redirect the lightning, it's like if Miranda didn't know how he did it as well.


quote:

Thunderbark thought to himself as he looked at the red coaster. I redirected his lightning. His lightning was powerful enough to knock him out. It takes a long time to learn even how to generate lightning; it takes years for an experienced roller coaster to generate that much power. Railrunner achieved that on his second night! And he wasn’t even in control! He is probably going to be more powerful than I ever had imagined him.

And here we again get to know that Railrunner is a super special roller coaster train. And we'll never forget it for the entire book. Because Railrunner can't be just a were-roller coaster train. He has to be the most powerful were-roller coaster train there is.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Bonus Content

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Bonus Content

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Bonus Content

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
I wonder if there's anyone who sees the Gold rating for this thread but lacks the time to actually read the thread, and goes away with the impression that this "Twisted" must be a really good book.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Apr 1, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

paragon1 posted:

That roller-coaster dresses like a complete douchenozzle.



Huh, there's a sentence I never expected to say.


Another problem I have with this book. Why the gently caress does Rodney keep eating poo poo? HOW does he keep eating? Where do it go? Where does leave? Why wouldn't they run on electricity or something?

Another thing, wouldn't it make more sense for a ride to want someone to ride them? Instead of "trying to destroy the one they love most" or whatever the gently caress? I don't actually expect any answers to these questions but holy poo poo this is stupid in so many ways and on so many levels.

She basically copied wholesale the elements of a were-wolf story, except that elements that are merely tripe and cliched in a were-wolf story become beautifully :psyduck: and :magical: when transplanted into a were-roller-coaster story.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:

Talking about lazy and thoughtless, look at this:



I just realized what was bugging me about this picture. The thing is, he's wearing a coat. The problem is, there are four to six limbs that are under the coat. Someone makes this whole different monster kind of thing, then forgets all the real details about them.

The obvious answer is that were-roller-coasters also have the power to retract their arms into their bodies whenever they wish to.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Keep the following in mind when reading Chapter 10, which will be posted shortly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialogue_in_writing posted:


Dialogue in writing

Dialogue in fiction is a verbal exchange between two or more characters. If there is only one character talking aloud it is a monologue.


Identifiers

"This breakfast is making me sick," George said.

The George said is the identifier. Said is the verb most writers use because reader familiarity with said prevents it from drawing attention to itself. Although other verbs such as ask, shout, or reply are acceptable, some identifiers get in the reader's way. For example:

"Hello," he croaked nervously, "my name's Horace."
"What's yours?" he asked with as much aplomb as he could muster.[1] another example is: "My name is Peg, what's yours?" I asked. "My name is William, but my friends call me Will," said Will.

Stephen King, in his book On Writing, expresses his belief that said is the best identifier to use. King recommends reading a novel by Larry McMurtry, who he claims has mastered the art of well-written dialogue.[2]

Substitutes are known as said-bookisms. For example, in the sentence "What do you mean?" he smiled., the word smiled is a said-bookism.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 10 – Why Must It Be This Way?

quote:

I woke up blinking my eyes briefly, my head throbbed and my muscles ached. It felt as if a bronco kicked me. I opened my eyes a tad bit more to see Thunderbark standing before me. I moaned loudly.

“Railrunner, say something, let us know you are with us.”

I looked at him, my eyes narrowed.

“You’re an rear end.” I growled.

Dude. You were on a murder-rampage (including attacking your own girlfriend) and the old guy stopped you. Show some gratitude for that if nothing else.


quote:

Thunderbark rolled his eyes. “He’s fine,” he sighed.

I sat up to see that I was in a hotel suite. Merrylegs leaned against the wall combing her thick red hair while Static sat in front of a TV playing video games, a racing one. All he did was crash into the other opponents. Merrylegs laughed.

“Have you ever tried not crashing into things?”

“Hey! It’s in my nature.” He objected, looking back to the screen.

Everyone’s an rear end in a top hat in this book. Except, of course, for Detective Black. :swoon:


quote:

I sat up in bed and turned to Thunderbark. I took a long deep breath then reluctantly decided to speak to him. But he spoke first.

“I have never seen a young roller coaster as powerful as you. You were able to bend some of the most incredible lightning before you were even able to learn it. It takes years for a coaster to even get a small spark.”

Twisted was published in 2010, after Avatar the Last Airbender had finished its run. Given the reference to lightning-bending, we can probably expect to see Railrunner’s abusive roller coaster-father and scheming roller coaster-sister in the later chapters of the book.


quote:

“Well is there any particular reason why?”

“You are the red. Like I said before, you are a one and only. You are destined for greatness, Railrunner.”

“Whoop dee.” I grumbled.

“You need to work on your manners, and definitely your language.” Thunderbark groaned. I simply ignored him.

“Whatever, so why are we here in this room?”

“There was a possible witness that could have seen you during your transformation yesterday, and he is in the position where he could arrest you.” He sighed.

“Detective Black.”

“Right, if he saw you he could expose you, and get you imprisoned, ruining our chances of defeating Ironwheel.” He said with his eyes changing dark blue in frustration.

To quote Thunderbark himself, were–roller coasters “can bend lightening [sic] and fire, posses [sic] super strength and agility, predict when things will happen, exept [sic] death, sense trouble, never get get sick, are venomous, can hear a sound from miles, have the sight of a dragon, and other things.” Why are they so still drat afraid of mortal policemen?


quote:

I got to my feet to get ready and prepared to walk out the door.

“Where are you going?” Thunderbark said sternly.

“I’m going to talk to Clare, and help her understand what’s wrong with me, why I am a freak.” I said shutting the door behind me. I wanted to make things right with Clare; I just hope she accepts me for what and how twisted I was.

Title drop!


quote:

I walked out of the hotel, to my right was the police impound lot, and there was my car. The black Mustang, it was as shinny [sic] as the day I bought it. I’ll go get it out; besides, Clare’s house is a long way away from the hotel.

What kind of crappy town zoning council places a police impound lot right next to a hotel?


quote:

I walked over to the police station and passed trough [sic] the double doors. I saw lots of officers roaming about. I felt so unease [sic], I now considered these men as my enemies. There were posters of wanted people on a large wall, but in the middle of them was the biggest poster of all, the one of me as a roller coaster. I tried to ignore it, and then I walked up to the desk.

“May I help you?” a middle aged lady asked with a smile on her rosy red face.

“Yes, I need to get my car out of the impound lot.” I said trying to sound normal, and appear that way.

“Ok, what car is it?”

The black Mustang GT [No punctuation mark]” I said as I stuck my hand into my pocket.

“What year?”

“2008.” I replied as I pulled out my tattered wallet.

“It will be two hundred dollars, sir.”

I handed her a wad of money. She stuck it in a safe and smiled back at me, but I could sense that she was leery.

“Well looks like your all set, by the way. We found your car parked in the back of Snooks, on the first night that the roller coaster attacked. You know anything of this?”

This world must have gone through one hell of a disaster in the recent past, that a receptionist can be so blasé about the existence of an autonomous roller-coaster.


quote:

“Well, I wasn’t really there, a friend drove me home, I was pretty drunk,” I lied.

“Okay, but good on your part.” She chuckled.

I nodded and followed an officer back into the building and out into the lot. We walked up to my car and he handed me my keys.

“Really nice ride. You’re lucky the roller coaster didn’t destroy it,” he laughed. It was a complete paradox that the enemy was talking to his biggest foe without even knowing it. This only made me more solicitous.

Why is everyone so drat nonchalant about a roller-coaster that moves on its own and attacks people and livestock?

Also, Miranda Leek has not the slightest clue what a “paradox” is.

quote:

“Thanks. Hey where is Detective Black?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Oh, well he got mauled by you know who last night; he’s still in the hospital. They said his injuries were not life threatening though.”

gently caress yeah Detective Black! Truly he is the most hardcore badass in the book. I mean, last chapter “Railrunner landed in front of [Detective Black] and raised his claws, and nailed the detective, sending him crashing through a tent” AND “hit him with a heavy blow, knocking the detective out cold”. All this is done by a 10-ton roller coaster with super-strength and venomous claws, and Detective Black is still alive and kicking and ready to dish it back out again. :black101:


quote:

“I wish him the best,” I said climbing into my car, wanting to snicker at my last comment. I started the engine and drove out of the lot. They were on high alert that’s for sure. As so was I.

If Miranda Leek is trying to make us detest Rodney / Railrunner, she’s doing an excellent job of it.


quote:

+++

Clare wandered around her house in a daze. She still was suffering from what happened the night before. She could not convince herself it was a dream, because the scratches lay on her arm. The brutal memory of Rodney transforming still lingered in her head, she shuttered [sic] at the very thought of it. Then the doorbell rang making her jump. She looked through the peephole to see Rodney standing on the doorstep.

Clare fell back against the wall in surprise. Her heart began to hammer in her chest, she could almost hear its loud thud as it pounded over and over again.

“Clare? It’s me, Rodney; I want to talk to you.” Rodney called from the other side of the door. Clare began to panic, then she quickly walked into the kitchen and began to dig around in the silverware drawer, her hands shaking.

“Come on Clare, I know you’re home. Could you please answer?” Rodney called. She shoved several forks out of the way and pulled out a kitchen knife. She hid it up in her sleeve and began to walk to the front door. She did the whole process as if she was in a trance.

Clare slowly opened the door.

“Come in,” she said quietly.

Rodney walked through the doorway, shut the door, and stopped to take off his shoes. Suddenly Clare pulled out the knife and brought it down towards his chest. Rodney had no time to react, the knife went into him and Clare stumbled backward gasping in fear. Rodney sat on the floor breathing harshly. He tugged at the knife sticking out of his chest; he pulled it free and lay it aside. Blood seeped through his shirt; he unbuttoned it and reveled [sic] the nasty wound.

I can honestly say that I did not see that coming, given that Clare is someone who’s clearly intended to represent the “normal” person in contrast to the “abnormal” world of the were-roller coasters. If Clare was (understandably, and justifiably) afraid of Rodney / Railrunner, why didn’t she simply not open the door? What kind of thought processes ran through her mind to reach the conclusion “I shall let him in and stab him when he least expects it”?


quote:

Then the gash started to shrink, till it was no longer visible, Rodney had healed himself. Clare stood unmoving. She gasped as she realized her mistake.

“I’m so sorry!” She sniveled as Rodney got back up and popped his neck. Rodney looked at her, he unexpectedly smiled a little.

“Clare, I’ve looked worse, believe me,” he started to laugh.

“Like last night?”

“Yes, like last night.”

Oh how wonderful, now they get a healing factor as well. This must be the “other things” in Thunderbark’s recitation of a were-roller coaster’s powers.


quote:

+++

“Clare I came to explain what’s going on with me. Care to listen for a minute?”

“I don’t mind,” she said sitting on the couch. I walked over and sat in the chair in front of her. I wiped my face then sighed aloud. Then I began my story.

“Clare, I wasn’t born here, I was born somewhere else, a place called Amusement Park Between. There all the rides are alive.”

“Merrylegs told me that part already. I want to know how you became a coaster, and what a coaster’s characteristics are.” She interrupted.

Clare also seems to be absurdly cavalier about the existence of an entire dimension of living amusement park rides. No-one in this book has anything close to a “normal” reaction to events happening around them. It’s as though everyone has been emotionally desensitized by past trauma, which is pretty :smith: when you think about it.


quote:

“Fine, I will start with how I became a roller coaster. It all began when I went to Mystic Park to get a job, I met Woody. He and I went coaster walking. Then we stopped and Woody said his real name was Thunderbark, and mine was Railrunner. Then he told me where I came from and the legend of Amusement Park Between. And I was the key to some kind of prophecy. Then, it happened.”

“What.” [The quote ends with a full-stop instead of a question mark]

“He tricked me, he made me touch the rails, and he activated my curse.”

“That’s how you became Railrunner?”

“Yes, I become a coaster at night or when I interact with them. I don’t have control until the first full moon when the clock strikes twelve and when the moon is at the highest point in the sky, which is tonight. However, in Amusement Park between [“between” is spelt in lowercase instead of capitalized] I’m a coaster always.”

“Have you been to Amusement Park between?” [“between” is spelt in lowercase instead of capitalized]

“No, not yet.”

“So can you do anything in your coaster form?”

“Yes, I can heal myself; I have extreme strength, agility and senses. I can bend lightning and fire, which I did lightning and nearly killed myself last night. I can’t ever get sick; I can predict when things will happen. And others.”


“And others”? You mean there’s still more powers that a were-roller coaster gets? Even World of Death vampires don’t get so many powers of such an assorted range!

I also want to highlight that this is the second time in just four chapters that Miranda Leek has dropped the same exposition dump.


quote:

“What is it like being Railrunner?” She asked quietly as she nervously pulled at her sleeves.

“Clare, it certainly has its ups and downs. Right now I have no control and I have a taste for blood. I feel damned, I feel like my soul is being stolen. I feel so heartless. And yet, I feel so invincible, like nothing can stop me, even though that is true. I feel the urge to get revenge to fight. At the stage where I’m at, its [sic] like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde.”

I’m not surprised that Miranda Leek is apparently a Juggalo.


quote:

“That’s when you’re not in control, right?”

“Yes, I haven’t felt what it is like when I’m in control.”

Then all was quiet for a minute, and then Clare looked at me tearing up.

“Rodney, I mean Railrunner, I think your other side might come between us.”

“What?” I said startled.

Rodney is pretty much a complete sociopath at this point. Why does it come as a surprise to him that Clare wouldn’t want to associate with someone who tried to loving murder her?


quote:

“Railrunner you are very good to me, but unfortunately you are also very bad. You almost killed me last night.”

“Clare, I didn’t… It’s not my fault!”

Seriously, what a disgusting self-centred prick. You tried to murder her! It doesn’t matter that you weren’t “in control” at the time! Why does it have to be about you all the time?


quote:

“Railrunner, this will never work. You have people that can’t accept you for what you are. You have people that want you dead!”

“Clare!”

“Railrunner, our love is – forbidden. We can’t carry on any longer. A roller coaster cannot be in love with a human!”

“Clare please!” I said coming to my knees.

“Railrunner, we are done, no more.” She said with tears rolling down her cheeks. She pulled a pink rose out of a vase and handed it to me, and then she disappeared into the house. I stormed outside and climbed into my car. I sat in the seat holding the rose.

“Why does it have to be this way?” I said in sheer frustration. [Missing quotation mark] Why me!”

Why does it have to be about you all the time? Can’t you stop being a petulant child for just one loving minute? You tried to loving murder her!!!

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
BONUS CONTENT


About the Author and the Illustrator posted:


Miranda Leek

Miranda Leek lives in the small town of Rockvale, Tennessee. Her love of art, writing and roller coasters inspired Miranda, at the tender age of seventeen, to write Twisted; in which started as a simple experience and a few ideas, tuned into wonderful fully illustrated book that could be read over and over.

Please visit https://www.mirandasmagic.com to view more of Miranda's work including the works of Twisted in their original form.


Also Be On The Lookout for Book 2 In The Twisted Series:

VERTIGO

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 14:35 on Apr 6, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Accordingly to Miranda Leek's bio, she wrote Twisted when she was 17 years old. Twisted was published in 2010, so that means she was born in 1993. Could Miranda Leek the writer be Miranda Leek the archer?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Leek posted:


Miranda Leek

Miranda Leek (born May 18, 1993)[1] is an American archer.

Career

Born in Des Moines, Iowa, Leek learned to shoot from her father, Scott Leek, who is a recreational archer. When she was 5, Scott Leek took her with him to a shooting range and taught her how to use a basic recurve bow. Over time, she began to participate in local competitions, switching to a compound bow, which she would use until switching back to an Olympic-style recurve bow at the age of 12. During this transition, Leek continued to be coached by her father, with additional support and advice from archery coach Terry Wunderle and his son, former Olympian Vic Wunderle. By age 14 she was selected as a member of USA Archery's Junior Dream Team, and began to be coached by Kisik Lee, her current team coach. Her father remains her personal coach.[2]

In 2010, Leek was selected as the sole representative of the United States in women's archery at the 2010 Summer Youth Olympics. The following year, she graduated from Dowling Catholic High School in West Des Moines, and has been accepted to attend Texas A&M University starting in fall, 2012.[3] Also in 2011, Leek participated as a member of the United States women's team at the 2011 Pan American Games in Guadalajara, Mexico. There, she won silver medals in both the individual and team competitions.[4][5] She has qualified to compete in both the individual and team competitions in women's archery at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, beating out two more experienced archers for the right to compete in the individual competition on behalf of the United States.[6]

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 07:59 on Apr 6, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
To clarify, the post of "About the Author and the Illustrator" above was not the fruit of any internet detectivity on my part, but is taken from the inside back cover of the book, which I'd never seen until now, when I turned to the back of the book to see how it ended.

If the consensus is that posting it in the thread is creepy I'll edit out the post above.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 14:37 on Apr 6, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 11 – Monster in Disguise

quote:


I sat in the car, furious. I glared down at the rose in my hand. Frustrated I flung the rose to the passenger seat next to me. I started the engine and quickly backed out of her driveway, almost running into Clare’s mailbox.

“My god why!” I said trying to hold back my anger. “I am a monster! I almost killed her! She tried to kill me! I am of roller coaster blood! We can never be together! Never ever again!”


Twisted may be a terrible book on the macro-level, but it makes up for it by being hilarious when read in small chunks at a time. I laughed for a good solid minute at the above internal monologue.


quote:


I drove faster, running a few stop signs. My dark thoughts filled my head. My heart was broken, ours was broken. This is all coming too quickly. My life suddenly shifted, taking a completely unheard of route. Nothing made sense anymore!


Again, Rodney proves to be reckless of the perils to human life caused by his actions even in his human form.


quote:


I pulled into my driveway and ran into my house. I went up to my bedroom. I kicked my bed and knocked my lamp off the end table. I went into the bathroom and hunched over the sink. I turned on the faucet and splashed water onto my face. I looked into the mirror above me. My true reflection appeared.


The step-by-step detailing of the most mundane actions never stops being a thing, does it?




quote:


“Not Rodney, Railrunner! Railrunner did this!” I yelled, breaking the mirror with my fist. I fell backward against the tub.


I could actually buy that argument, if Rodney ever, ever showed the slightest remorse for the things he does and the damage he causes as Railrunner.


quote:


“But yet my name isn’t really Rodney and I’m not really human. My name is Railrunner, a roller coaster. And I’ve been a coaster all along.”

I couldn’t think straight. One thing meant this, another meant that. I went back into my bedroom and lay onto my covers. Thunderbark was right; I needed to forget about love. Then my eyes shut and I fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up again at one, and decided to go for a walk. Maybe I could get my mind off Clare that way. I got ready, walked out the door and stretched. Then I ran in the opposite direction of Clare’s house.

I ran for about an hour. I then realized I was getting near the carnival. In a way I wondered what it looked like. I barely could remember last night. All I could recollect was Clare’s look on her face. The look she gave me as soon as I became my beastly self. That horrible image! I must get it out of my head!


The previous day Rodney was breathing heavily and “let out huge puffs of air” after running for a few minutes through the House of Mirrors, and now he can effortlessly run “for about an hour”? This is taking suspension of disbelief too far, I say.


quote:


But I couldn’t, because the next thing I saw was the carnival. A shiver went down my spine, so did a small ripple of pain. Many officers, firemen, and locals stood around or walked into the ruins. Firemen removed scattered and destroyed rides. Police examined the premises. Onlookers questioned each other and some spoke of last night’s invasion. Out of all the people, I spotted Buddy and Sly. Their hands had scratches on them as well as bandages. They talked to one another as the [sic] stood a little ways from the rest of the crowd.


Note again the utter lack of any remorse for the destruction he caused or any sympathy for the people (including his friends Buddy and Sly) hurt by his rampage. Which actually means Miranda Leek has successfully portrayed Rodney / Railrunner as the alien being he is. Kudos where kudos is owned.


quote:


I decided to walk over and join in; make them think I have nothing to hide.

“Rodney!” Sly announced. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I’ve, been on a business trip,” I said making up a quick lie.


Again Rodney goes out of his way to make up easily disprovable lies. Just say you’ve been sick and resting at home! Sheesh.


quote:


“What happened that night you left the bar? Right as we got glass in our hands, you disappeared!”

“Okay, I started to feel drunk and I felt the beer coming back up so yeah.” I said wanting to laugh at my response.

“Of course Rodney. Good thing you were in the bathroom praying to the porcelain god when that demon coaster showed up.” Buddy said looking at the aftermath of the carnival.

“You know anything?” Sly asked.

“No.” I said hesitating a little. Then news crews started to arrive and began to set up their gear.


“For all we know that coaster could be right under our noses.” Sly announced. “Watching our every move.”

My heartbeat quickened. The news crews began to make their broad cast [spelt with a space in between the two words instead of “broadcast”]. They started to interview a tubby police officer that kept pulling at his belt.


As a deviantart-dwelling roller-coaster furry, Miranda Leek should have been more sensitive to issues of fat-shaming.


quote:


“Sir, what do you and the police force plan to do since there has been a second attack?”

“Well, I’ll make it simple. We are going to stop at nothing to find this demon, like the community, we want it dead and gone. We will search every square inch of the town. We will get the FBI involved. We will learn it’s [sic] every trick. It will be brought to justice!” The policeman proclaimed.

I gulped. I looked over at Buddy and Sly.

“Serves it right.” Buddy started. “Look what it has done!”

“Yep, going around and destroying everything, killing people…”

“I think we get the point,” I interrupted. I looked at my watch. It read five-thirty, at least two more hours till the moon rose. “Well I best be going, I have things to do.”

“Take care Rodney.” Sly called.

I ignored him. Now because of my actions the FBI was coming! And the police were hot on my trail! I had to be more careful as Railrunner for now on, but was that possible for an eight and a half ton living roller coaster? I kept on running, not daring to look back behind me. The sky was turning to shades of pink and orange. The sun was going to set soon. The day had raced by so quickly that I barely had enough time to comprehend it.


“Me me me me me me me ME!”


quote:


I was now almost home, I ran through the lonely streets of the outdoor shopping mall. Few cars sat in the parking lot and all of the stores had closed. Suddenly I heard a struggling scream coming out from one of the alleys between the shops. Curious, I ventured closer. I peeked my head around the corner to see five men trying to rob a young lady. As I looked closer I realized it wasn’t an ordinary girl, it was Clare.

Clare was in trouble, she needed help. Besides [sic] of what happened earlier I walked out of my hiding place and towards the pose [sic] of men.

“Hey! Leave her alone!”

One of the men turned and looked at me, he let a smirk appear onto his face.

“This your boyfriend sweetcheeks? This your prince charming coming to rescue you?” he taunted.

“Rodney what -.” Clare started to speak, but suddenly one of the men put a knife to her throat.

“Gentlemen, I am the wrong person you want to deal with.” I said without thinking. Before I knew it, one of the men struck me from the side. I fell to my knees against the brick wall. He started to kick me square in the ribs over and over again. Blood came into my mouth. There was a pause. I struggled to get to my feet. I stood up to only get punched in the jaw, blood spurted in various places.

“Wrong person to be dealing with? I don’t think so!” One of the men laughed. I wiped my blood off my face. I looked at the sky, just a few more moments, then these men will get what they had coming for them. I could already feel my wounds healing; I turned and popped my neck. These men had their weapon in numbers, but I had a big one, a really mean and nasty one. An unstoppable force from hell.

“I am warning you gentlemen, your gonna get your rear end kicked in a minute.” I said smirking.

“Oh, so you haven’t had enough?” The man laughed. Then the biggest ruffian came rushing at me. I moved him out of the way and slammed him onto the wall; I was getting more powerful, more unstable. I grinned at him; I could feel my front teeth were suddenly fangs. The man looked horrified, before he could say anything; I hit him upside the head knocking him out cold. The gang looked stunned.


This whole section really feels like a bullied child’s fevered revenge fantasy.


quote:


“Come on Railrunner!” Clare shouted without thinking.

”What woman? Who the heck is Railrunner?”

“That is me.” I said looking at the sun. It was setting. I had to hold these idiots off for just a few more seconds!

“That is you? Why in the hell are you called that?”

I laughed a little. “You’re going to see just as the moon rises, you will witness my true power and the monster that I really am. My disguise will be uncovered, and you will see the error of your ways.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He said staring at the sky.

I glanced backwards, the moon had risen, the full moon and all its power. I laughed aloud.

“This!” I said. Power flooded me from all sides. My pulse rose as my heart raced. My blood boiled as my mouth began to salivate. I grew too big for my skin, so I began to tear it off in strips. My tailbone extended as my teeth became fangs. My organs rearranged as my nose pushed forward to make a snout. My shoulder blades shook as seats sprouted from them, and then they grew along my back. I was losing control, my will. Then it all stopped, I finished roaring, to the night sky, to the moon.


This is the dumbest transformation sequence ever. I mean, “My shoulders shook as seats sprouted from them”? Is that supposed to be awe-inspiring?


quote:

+ + +

Railrunner glared at the criminal, their eyes making contact.


Why is Rodney carrying a mirror?


quote:


“My god! You’re the monster! The roller coaster!”

The coaster took a few steps forward.

“Umm - Railrunner! Please spare me!” the leader cowered.

“You feed on the blood of the innocent, I feed on the blood of mere humans, even if they are damned or not.” Railrunner spoke with a crazed look in his eye. He then lunged forward and snapped the man’s neck, killing him instantly. Railrunner turned and roared at the dead man’s followers. They stood in fear as he revealed his claws. They ran but Railrunner was quicker, his claws sunk through human flesh, and he spilled human blood. Clare watched in fear as Railrunner one by one slaughtered the men, as he was on his genocide. Then the man he knocked out earlier ran, he headed for the square of the outdoor mall. Railrunner caught sight of him, and began his pursuit. Clare came out of shock and followed Railrunner close behind.


“And then I opened my trenchcoat and pulled out my Hanzo steel katana and Desert Eagle and the bully dropped to his knees and begged for mercy and everyone in the canteen cheered.”


quote:


The man ran into the square and glanced behind him. The roller coaster was nowhere to be seen. He pulled his gun out of his pants that he forgot about and held it up. He was ready. But even as he stood there, Railrunner hid within the buildings. He watched the man eagerly.

The gunman could only hear the gushing water out of the fountain behind him. His heart hammered in his chest as he continued to wander the dead silent square. Railrunner quietly crept forward between the stores. He could sense the man’s blood and fear. The robber trembled and so did the gun in his hand.


Oh come on! This thing is “twenty-feet long” and “weighs twenty thousand pounds”! How does it “hide within the buildings” and “quietly creep forward”? It’s not the first time Miranda Leek has completely ignored the size and weight of her own protagonist, but it will never stop grating on my nerves.


quote:


“Where are you demon?” He whispered to himself.

Suddenly there was a rustle behind the man. He turned and fired the gun, but instead of a mutant coaster, there was only mist. Railrunner grinned at him, thinking what a fool the man was.

Then the crazed human also pulled out his knife. Then he fired a shot into each alley, the bullets only echoed in the night. Then he pitched the knife into the darkest alley behind him. He fired more rounds, and then his gun ran out of ammunition. He dug around in his pockets for more, but found none. He slowly backed up toward the fountain.

“Maybe I lost it.” He said.


Even if you had managed to hide from Railrunner, you would have given your position away with all that noise from shooting blindly into the alley. Why is everyone in this story (other than Detective Black) so bloody stupid?


quote:


Then Railrunner landed on top of the fountain, the vibration of his impact was so great that it knocked the man off his feet. Railrunner grinned at him, and then he pulled the man’s knife out of his chest, the man watched in awe as the wound instantly healed.


Wait a minute. When the dude “pitched the knife into the darkest alley behind him”, it actually managed to hit Railrunner? And the knife got stuck in his chest? Aren’t were-roller-coasters supposed to be metal on the outside?


quote:


“You know, it’s not very wise to be playing with knives.” Railrunner said tossing the utensil aside. Then his claws slowly appeared.

“Unfortunately for you, I do anyway.” Railrunner smirked as his claws extended to their full length.

The man got to his feet and started to sprint. Railrunner leaped from his post and jabbed his dagger-like claws into the robber’s back. The robber began to choke on his own blood, and then he fell to the ground dead, his body lying in a crumpled heap.

Railrunner snorted in disgust as he licked the blood off his wheels and claws. Railrunner’s forked tongue going between every groove. He purred with pleasure, as he licked his lips with satisfaction.


I defy anyone to read this and say that Rodney / Railunner isn’t the psychopathic villain of the story.


quote:


Then his keen hearing heard the siren of an approaching squad car. His eyes narrowed as he looked off in the direction of the warning. I’ll give him what he wants, a glance at me, but he won’t like it. Railrunner thought to himself as he crept forward.

The cop had received a call about an armed robbery that happened several minutes ago. He scanned the buildings; they seemed uncomfortably quiet and eerie. It was just him and his partner.

“What a minute what’s that?” The one in the passenger seat asked. They stopped the car to see the body of a man. Looking to their left they saw the corpse of another.

“My god. What the hell happened here?” The other said. Then a strange howl sounded.

“What was that? The driver questioned.

“It was him.” The officer said as he looked around nervously.

“Is it playing with us?”

“No, it’s setting us up.” He replied.

On that note Railrunner landed on the hood of the car, he roared in the officer’s faces.


Now this is just gratuitous aggression from Rodney / Railrunner. The policemen hadn’t even caught sight of him yet.


quote:


“Floor it! Floor it now!” the passenger screamed.

The squad car fled in reverse. Railrunner followed it, charging at full speed.

“Oh my god! It’s gonna kill us!”

“It won’t if you keep going.” The cop said firing his gun through the windshield, the bullets only bounced off of Railrunner’s hide. “You know Harrison, I wanted to see this thing, but not like this! Swerve around and go forward!”


Now bullets “only bounced off of Railrunner’s hide”, but a few minutes ago a blindly-thrown knife managed to puncture him in the chest. :psyduck:


quote:


The car swerved sharply and turned frontward. Harrison drove the car towards the city, the cop continued to fire bullets trough [sic the back windshield. Railrunner rammed the car from behind, as the men took a curve onto a busy road, nearly making them lose control. The chase headed toward traffic. Harrison blared his horn, and turned the sirens up full blast.


In contrast to the psychotic Railrunner, we have the heroic policemen indomitably struggling against impossible odds to defend the public against a rampaging mass murderer. Why couldn’t Miranda Leek have written the book from their perspective instead?


quote:


“Get outta the drat way!” he yelled. Railrunner had his eyes on the car; he was not trough [sic with them yet. He sliced trough [sic obstacles. People screamed and ran. He pushed large trucks out of the way. The cop car veered in front of a semi, narrowly missing it. Railrunner leaped over its trailer and landed partially on the roof of the squad car. He sunk his claws through the top of the automobile, going between the two officers inside. They looked at each other in trepidation. Harrison swerved sharply again, and headed down a dark alley. Railrunner was flung off the car, but still he pursued them.

The squad car sped blindly. Railrunner leaped off buildings and their walls. He was furious! Like a volcano that was to erupt at any moment!


A twenty-foot long, twenty thousand ton were-roller-coaster “leaped off buildings and their walls”. :negative:


quote:


“Come on you son of a bitch!” the officer yelled at him.

The car smashed through a chain-linked fence. Railrunner was just a few seconds behind.

“Where now Rob! I can’t lose him!” The driver whimpered.

“Go down Jefferson. It enters into the Mystic Park’s campgrounds; we should be able to get rid of it there.”

The car sped down the road. It headed into a heavily wooded area. Railrunner ran up beside them and bumped the cruiser. The car went off balance, but still didn’t flip. They finally entered the campgrounds.
Railrunner felt a strange gain of power. He was near the park. His heart pumped. He would end this pursuit now.


“Gaining power from proximity to amusement park rides” is and will forever be the dumbest superpower ever.


quote:


Gathering strength he leaped over the car. The men looked at him horrified. Railrunner turned, he raised his tail and smashed it down on the cars [sic] hood, stopping it completely. The men climbed out and prepared to make a run for it. Railrunner raised his claws high in the air. The officers awaited their fate, but suddenly Railrunner retracted them and clutched his chest. With it throbbing, he turned to see that the moon was at its highest. Time for him to be in control.

Railrunner threw his head back and screamed a deafening wail. The policemen grabbed their ears, seizing the chance they fled. Pain sliced through Railrunner. A red mist descended over his eyes as he fell backward onto a tree. His seats shook as his wheels singed. He could feel his own will slowly coming back. His chest bulged as he doubled over onto the ground. He reared back his head and wailed once more. Pain went through him in spasms. He gained more control by every passing second, suddenly it all
stopped.


I just wanted to highlight that the policemen “grabbed” and not “covered” their ears.


quote:


+ + +

I stood up feeling woozy. I looked down at my wheels; they had dried blood on them. I clutched my forehead.

“poo poo, what the hell happened?” I said. That was when I suddenly realized those were my words. I looked at myself all over again. “Am I in control now?” I questioned. I looked ahead to see Mystic Park and all its
rides across the lake. The moon hung high overhead. I blinked my eyes briefly, trying to get them into focus.

“I am in control.”

I then heard a twig snap behind me. I spun around to see Clare. She hesitated, but then she realized I meant no harm.

“Railrunner?” She asked coming to me.

“Yes,” I replied in a surprisingly velvet voice.

“Are you - well you know?”

“I guess I am.” I said glancing at the moon again. I walked over and sat at a base of a tree. I breathed hard in exhaustion from the change. Clare walked closer.


And now Clare displays her own sociopathic tendencies by not running and screaming from this murderous madman.


quote:


“What did I do to deserve such a thing? Why is it me that has to carry this burden upon my chest?” I said aloud. Clare held out her hand towards me. Her fingertips touched my metal.


Dude, take responsibility for your actions. You are totally an uncaring, unrepentant rear end in a top hat in your human form as well.


quote:


“It feels so different; it’s warm and not cold.” She said as she continued to run her fingers down my chest. She stopped on my “breast”. Her hand pressed firmly against it.


You don’t have to put quotation marks around that word, Miranda. Men have breasts too, you know.


quote:


“You have a heartbeat.” She said looking into my eyes. “A heart. Not clockwork.”

I got up without a reply and walked to the edge of the lake. Clare warily toddled up beside me.

“You know Clare, you are right let’s just be friends.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not sure Clare; I’m still confused why I am what I really am. I haven’t been able to focus lately.” I said.

Clare did not reply, she got on a different subject.

“Ever rode on them?” she said pointing to the track.

“No.”

“Strange, a roller coaster not running on rails.”

“Clare, I’m not what you call a normal roller coaster.” I said admitting a small grin.

“I can see that Railrunner, can I ask you a favor?”

“What”?

“My car is back at the mall, and I need a vehicle to take me home - so, can I have a ride?”

I turned and looked at her, was she really serious?

“Clare I’m not a car let alone a charter service.”

“Railrunner, you’re a vehicle.”

“I am a monster [No full stop]

“Come on Railrunner.” She said almost begging.

I thought about it some more, I decided to give in.

“Fine. Hop on.”

She nodded as I lowered myself down where I was on all of my wheels.

Clare climbed into my first car (my head). She sat on my leather seat and took a long deep breath.

“Watch your head.” I said bringing my restraint down again. She obeyed as it went over her small body.

“Okay.”


Man, Clare sure is fast to put her trust in someone who tried to murder her yesterday and whom she just saw brutally killing people who had already surrendered and lost the will to fight.


quote:


“Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.” I said a little annoyed. Clare was trying to get on my good side after she had blown me off. I was still upset with her a little ever since this morning.


“Me me me me me ME!”


quote:


I bolted into the woods; it went on for miles and passed by Clare’s house. My wheels dug into the mossy forest floor as I ran.

In the distance I heard sirens, but the police were nowhere near us. We were nothing but a blur against the dense vegetation. I thought to myself as I ran. As a roller coaster, I was living under no rules and regulations. I was experiencing true freedom for the first time; I was running with the moon.


You aren’t a were-wolf, you’re a were-roller-coaster. Why do you care about “running with the moon”? Aaargh!


quote:


The wind whistled as I moved. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Clare. She gripped tightly on my restraint and there was a happy expression on her face, grinning from ear to ear and letting the wind blow through her blond hair. Just like her expression she made speeding along the track.


And YOU! You are sitting on a wanted mass murderer! One who tried to kill you one day ago! Why are you so gosh-darn happy?


quote:


However, this coaster she was riding now did not always run on rails. This coaster was more than just metal and leather; it was also flesh and blood. This coaster was for more than to just scare and thrill, it was formed for combat and sorcery. Clare was riding on a twisted coaster, the roller coaster of Amusement Park Between.


Wait, now he gets “sorcery” as well? Does he get super-weaving next chapter?


quote:


A few minutes later, I arrived at Clare’s neighborhood. I crept undetected among the houses. Only the insects stirred because of my heavy steps. Then I entered Clare’s yard. I stopped, and she hopped off and unlocked her backdoor.

“Thank you Railrunner.” She said shutting the door. Then I sensed something within Clare, she still loved me.


Clare is either dumb as a box of rocks or as sociopathic in her own way as Rodney / Railrunner. The number of unlikable characters in this series continues to rise chapter by chapter.


quote:


I simply nodded. “Clare [No punctuation mark]” I began.

“Yes Railrunner,” she said through the screen.

“Do you promise to not tell anyone about the real me?”

She smiled. “I do, good night Railrunner.” Clare finished waving. I watched her disappear inside her house, looking back once to smile before disappearing. I then turned to leave, Clare’s cat, Mittens, hissed at me. I crouched low and gave a dragon-like hiss in return.


Do dragons “hiss”? Aren’t they supposed to roar? And what the hell do roller-coasters have to do with dragons?

Also, gratuitous animal cruelty. Clare has the worst taste in men males.


quote:


Mittens yowled in fear, awakening the dogs. Their barks upset their sleeping masters, I left before I was seen. I wondered about Clare, deep down we both still loved each other. But the real me was tearing us apart. Where am I going to go to ponder my thoughts? And spend the remainder of the night? Then referring to Clare’s words, I had an idea.

A few minutes later I stood at the gates of Mystic Park. I climbed over them easily and into the park itself. A reassuring comfort entered my body. I walked through the unfilled buildings and kiosk. It felt strange to see this place deserted. As I navigated through the park I felt myself getting stronger, before I knew it, I was standing at the foot of the steel coaster.

I walked up the stairs into the boarding area; the unliving trains had been put up for the night. I looked up the lift hill, I climbed up the stairway that I walked on when I was coaster walking. I wanted to get on the rails at the top to see what would happen. Then I reached the peak.

I placed a set of wheels on the track; a jolt of power ran through my body. Curious, I got completely onto the rails. Power flooded my body, rattling it to the core. The power I was experiencing was different, it was more - concentrated. Then instinct took over.

Wind whipped my face as I sped down the hill. Power now was at its greatest point. I felt like I could never be restrained. I raced along at blinding speeds; I rocketed up the next hill and jumped the rails, only to land on the base of the hill. I rounded a helix, leaving the rails again, doing a move like I was on a skateboard. Only this was a different matter and I was my own wheels.

I looped upside down and went through a corkscrew, roaring in pleasure as I did so. I felt better than I did in my entire life. After the ride was over, I ran the circuit some more; I lost count on how many laps I had done. I entered the station for the last time. I got off the track and prepared to head home, it was nearly morning.

“So how do you like it?” a voice asked behind me. I figured out it was Thunderbark.

“How did you know I was here?” I said turning to see the white coaster in the moonlight.

“A roller coaster knows when one is rolling. As I asked before, how did you like it?”

“It was - unbelievable.”

“Yes a coaster is most powerful if it is one with the rails.”

“Interesting.”

Then Thunderbark placed his wheels on the track, they magically adjusted to fit the rails like a normal coaster’s would. However they didn’t fit quite right. “Of coarse [sic] since I’m a woodie they are not going to fit.” He said. Then Thunderbark walked up to me, he looked around to see if there was anybody about.

“Railrunner, we have a task to do. You know where the history museum is right?”

“Of course.”

“Meet me there first thing tomorrow.”

“All right,” I said leaving. Then a thought crossed my mind. Why did he say we had a task to do?


So this town has a police station, a hotel, an amusement park, and a museum, but is also close to vast tracts of forest and is sufficiently rural that a twenty foot long, twenty thousand ton were-roller-coaster can sneak around in the open without being immediately detected.

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Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
:siren: GUEST REVIEW BY ICED COCOA :siren:


Chapter 12 – Investigations of Separate Species


I hate the fact that this book exists and I'll tell you all about it.


quote:

The next morning I got up early to yet again see myself on the news. After getting tired of hearing it, I got into my car and headed for the museum. After my arrival, I parked and locked my door and then turned to see Thunderbark behind me. He held two photography cameras and press badges.

“Thunderbark, what are we doing exactly?” I said raising an eyebrow.

“We are acting as members of the press, they are the only ones allowed in today. Railrunner, the museum is hosting a new exhibit, Unknown Artifacts.”

“So -.”

“Here are your instructions,” he said handing the gear to me. “Don’t speak unless you are asked to, and follow my lead. Got that?”

Wait, a museum in a small idyllic town? We know that amusement parks are usually by smaller towns not that far away from cities, but it's been already established that there are farms and enough space around for hunting deers. I think there was a description of the town somewhere...


quote:

I sat calmly in my seat listening to music as I steered the sports car along the wooded roads of Huntersberg, a quiet town in which nothing had ever happened. Huntersberg got its name from the lush woods that surrounded it; the forest was a gold mine for those who desired big game. However, Huntersberg finally got onto the map when Mystic Park was built, making the undetectable city not only for hunters but also thrill seekers as well. I tried to make my way to the summer escape before, but I was robbed of that because of the countless hours I spent at the factory, time that was wasted in the end,. Now I was to finally go to Huntersburg’s playground; because I had an invitation and a reason to be there.

Oookay... Both a town and a city and has two different names in the same paragraph. :psyduck: I guess asking why there is a museum with a special "Unknown Artifacts" exhibit can exist in a rural town/city is moot. Usually small towns have a museum which is just some guy collecting stuff. I guess some guy buys some strange things on ebay and touts them as artifacts of ancient times when Snopes clearly says they're not.


quote:

“Umm, sure.” I said trailing him to the entrance of the museum. A man at the entrance asked us to hold up our tags, we passed through undetected. Thunderbark guided me to the elevator, he pressed floor 6. The doors opened and we stepped onto the new level. There was scarcely anybody around. Only one or two press members. We began to walk among the exhibit’s artifacts; however we didn’t stop to snap any pictures. Thunderbark was looking for something, something important. Then we went into a very secluded dark room containing jewelry. Pieces were displayed in separate cases with their own lighting system. Then we arrived at the back of the room. Thunderbark stopped and gazed at the thing in front of us in awe.

“The Augu Ra.” He said.

Inside the case was a golden necklace. Ancient writing was on every bead, even the moon shaped amulet that hung on the chain. Then Thunderbark spoke up again.

Thunderbark, shut up for a moment because I need to say something.



This is the Augu Ra. I found it on Miranda's DA.

By the power of having suffered through the book before, I know for a fact that the necklace appeared in "the real world" sometimes in or after 1972.

Now who the hell would look at this thing and decide that it's worth investigating because it might be some ancient thing or whatever? It's a crescent moon and on it is a mine cart train thing with a face. Yet someone apparently latched on it and thought that it was worth investigating. And it's important enough to be put in a darkened room away from the other exhibits instead of being easily accessible.

And another thing, note that I said here "the real world". Because this is how Thunderbark has so far referred to the world of the humans. I would have thought that he and other living amusement park rides would think "Amusement Park Between" to be the real world.


quote:

“Rodney, the Augu Ra is the necklace of the red roller coaster. It will give you the power to transform in this word whenever you want. It has powers that are very vital to you and to be discovered.”

Oh good, even more powers. Now he can change at will, and some other unspecified powers tied to the necklace.


quote:

“So you’re saying this big chunk of gold is mine?”

“For one thing it’s not gold, Rodney. It’s made out of the rarest metal of our entire world. Firinium.” He said taking his ring off. It matched the necklace, same eerie markings.

“All Amusement Park Between residents need a bit of Firinium on, before they enter our world. Every ride has a ring.”

Is it also a requirement of every object made of this metal to be inscribed with those markings?

Also, if they need Firinium on before they enter Amusement Park Between, would it mean that other living rides have to give them some Firinium jewelry when they're still machines? But if Firinium is from the Amusement Park Between how did it start? Is it some “chicken and egg” thing? Or is Thunderbark talking about "the real world" again?

Miranda! :argh:

Actually, this will never come up again. None of it. :suicide:


quote:

“Woody, how come I have a necklace?” I asked perplexed.

“Because you Rodney are a red roller coaster. They only come along after another dies. Reds are automatically destined for greatness. The Augu Ra has belonged to every red coaster there ever was, all the way back to the beginning.”

And Thunderbark decides not to answer Rodney's question. Why a necklace? I guess he's just so frustrated that Railrunner cannot really figure out by himself that even though Thunderbark has a ring it doesn't mean that everyone else does.

quote:

“Again, interesting.”

“Now help me snap some picks [sic] of the area.” Thunderbark said bending down and taking odd picks [sic] of the room’s corners and ceiling. Every image containing a surveillance camera, making me wonder.

“Why are we doing this?”

“Rodney, the reason why is we have to steal the Augu Ra is in order for us all to get back into Amusement Park Between.”

“WHAT!”

Apparently this is a big enough museum to have six or more floors, and a small room filled with jewelry has security cameras, plural.

quote:

+ + +

Detective Black passed back and forth across the meeting room of the police station. Five of the sheriffs sat at the meeting table drinking coffee. Everyone anxiously awaited the arrival of the FBI. Then Detective Black sat down at the end of the table, he scanned through photos, he suddenly put them down as the men he inquired about came through the double doors.

Five sheriffs? From what wikipedia tells there is one sheriff for a county or about so. I guess when a living Roller coaster has attacked the town/city twice, they need to call in everyone nearby, including neighbouring counties.

I guess at that point it's time to bring in the FBI?


quote:

“Morning gentlemen, take a seat.” Black started. The FBI’s men sat at the remaining spots, their captain sat at the other end, a lean man with silver hair and a solemn stare. He then cleared his throat to speak.

“All right Detective, give me some details on this abomination.”

Detective Black walked over to the dry erase board and took a remote from the shelf that housed the markers. He then switched the projector on. The frightening image of Railrunner appeared. All of the men from the FBI gawked and pointed.

“Dear god is that the thing you are talking about detective!” He said befuddled.

“Yes, that is the red roller coaster. It’s terrorized us every night since Tuesday.” Detective Black announced as he changed from one image of Railrunner to the next.

“Let me ask you Detective, is this a hoax you made up?” the captain said changing his outlook.

“You say this is a hoax?” Black replied as he played the video of Railrunner ransacking Snooks.

“Well then, what do you make of it Black? Robot or beast?” The captain said, staring deeply at Detective Black.

“Captain,” Black started sternly, “No technology in the world could be this advanced.”

“So this is a beast then?”

Detective Black is such a badass that everyone else recognizes his badassery and despite the fact that he's just a Detective, he can boss everyone around, including five sheriffs.


quote:

“Yes. There are various things to support this statement. It only attacks at night, so it seems to be nocturnal. It eats meat, particularly cattle. It has organs and senses. And a predatory drive. Plus I’ve seen this thing a little to [sic] close, I’ve fired at it, and it made me bleed my own blood.” He stated as he pulled up his shirt to reveal the slashes made by Railrunner. Several men gasped in horror.

:black101:

And Detective Black is such a badass that he doesn't have any bandages around injuries he received only two nights ago. Only so that he can show off the injuries he got.


quote:

“Hmmm - very interesting detective. Is [sic] there any other pieces of information that is valuable?

“Yes sir, after further investigations, we think an individual is involved with this.”

“Really?” The captain questioned.

“Yes.” Black said putting an image of Rodney on the screen. “This is Rodney Phillips. Witnesses say he was present at Snooks at the night of the attack. Some say he left a few seconds before the coaster arrived. He was also present at the carnival right before the attack and some affirm that they saw him at the mall on the night Mr. Roller Coaster decided to go shopping for flesh. Point is he is our main concern for one big reason.”

Detective Black has been busy! He has had time to interview every single witness and figure out from their descriptions of the several people that were at the carnival, bar and mall that there was a single person with the same description at all locations, then he figured out who this person was just from descriptions and not plastering a sketch of him on TV and cross his fingers that someone would call in.


quote:

“What is that Detective?”

“His job is at Mystic Park, as a roller coaster engineer.” Black smiled deviously.

The FBI captain rubbed his chin in thought. “All right here is what we do. Our forces will search the city for the coaster by day; we want to catch that bastard off guard. Have Rodney interviewed, I want every one of his secrets squeezed out of him.”

How are you going to catch someone off guard when "your forces" will be searching the city and already make news announcement about hunting down the beast? At least, they're not going to catch him relaxed.


quote:

“Captain we have no records showing where Rodney lives and we can’t get him at work because the park is on its off season.”

“drat it Black! [No closing quotation mark] The captain said standing and shouting. “Do you have any other suggestions!”

“Well sir, I know where his girlfriend resides.” Black replied. He suddenly smiled wickedly to himself.

“Good! Gentlemen!” the captain announced. “We will capture this monster, and show no clemency!”

What's so hard about finding an address? Especially for cops?


quote:

+ + +

Thunderbark and I walked out to my car. I got in the drivers side as he got into the passengers. We shut the doors, and then started talking.

“Thunderbark! This is insane!”

“I know, but it is a risk that we will have to take, Railrunner.” Thunderbark replied sympathetically.

“So you’re just saying bust in and take it! That will lead the police here faster than I don’t know what!” I objected.

“I have a plan. You and my troop will carry it out. Static will disable the alarm, when he is done, Merrylegs will guard the first floor, allowing nobody entry. She will destroy the video cameras on the first floor and the second, Static will do the rest. That is when you and I will fetch the Augu Ra.”

But the Augu Ra is on display on the sixth floor? And how will she guard the first floor if she's destroying cameras on both first and second floor? I don't think Thunderbark really had a plan and just wanted Railrunner to shut up.


quote:

“You are fanatical, but - this may be possible. Say did you drive here?”

He laughed. “No, I don’t ride around in silly vehicles like this, I have my own wheels.”

I smiled at him.

“I wouldn’t have bought a car if I had known I had wheels earlier.” I replied.

So can Thunderbark change at will since he came to the museum on his own power? Or did he camp out there ever since the sun rose? Was he banking on Railrunner to give him a ride back?


quote:

+ + +

Clare sat on her couch wrapped in her blanket drinking hot coco. She watched the news broadcast, Railrunner was always the top story, always breaking news. Nowadays it was always about her love. Clare was uneasy and on edge, the cup vibrated a little in her hand. She had not eaten well in the last few days and felt drained because of it. All because she had accidentally found out Rodney’s secret, or should she say Railrunner’s.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on her door, making Clare jump in surprise, almost spilling her hot chocolate. She got up and walked to her front door, and peered through the peephole. She gasped, men in suits stood there, the letters FBI were stitched across their overcoats. They are trying to find Railrunner! The words echoed inside her head. She had no choice but to answer the door.

“How may I help you gentlemen?” Clare said as she tried to smile warmly.

“FBI,” the captain said holding up his badge. “Miss Clare we are entering your premises to do an investigation and to ask you a few questions.”

She hesitated, but then let the men through. Clare sat back down on her couch. The FBI captain sat across from her.

“Miss Clare I am Captain Vick. I am going to ask you a few questions regarding your boyfriend, Rodney Philips. We are recording your responses.”

I guess Detective Black is being a badass elsewhere. At least "Captain" Vick tries to fill in his shoes, doesn't care about any proper police procedure along with ignoring the fact that the rank of "Captain" does not exist within FBI rank structure.


quote:

“Ok,” Clare said trying to not look nervous.

“We believe Rodney is involved with the red roller coaster, there is evidence to support this. Rodney was visible at all of the locations where the coaster attacked. In addition, he knows their engineering by working at the park here. Clare, do you know if Rodney has had any connections with this thing?”

“He does not have connections.” Clare replied trying to remain calm.

“Well, do you ever hear Rodney talking about the coaster?”

“No sir, he only talks about the normal ones at the park.” She said lying.

Rodney hasn't been a roller coaster engineer for a week, yet it's easier to find that out than his address. Did we miss a scene at the bar where he announces to everyone that he's a roller coaster engineer?


quote:

“Clare, we know something is going on with Rodney. You can’t deny it any longer.”

Clare’s heart hammered in her chest.

That can't be healthy.


quote:

“Rodney is not involved with any of this! If he was he would tell me.” She replied roughly.

“Clare don’t over react. Lots of men have deep dark secrets. Those are the ones that they do not dare speak of.”

“Rodney tells me everything, even his secrets.” Clare said sternly.

“What are they then?” Vick asked leaning forward.

Clare stared at him. She was running out of comebacks. She opened her mouth to say something, but she found herself looking out the window, the sun was beginning to go down, there was not but an hour left in the day. They were running out of time. And she would do anything to stall them.

“Miss Clare, I asked you a question.” Vick continued.

“Sorry, Rodney told me once that he was an orphan.” She replied, and this time she wasn’t lying.

Of course he is. There needs to be some sort of "Bad Fiction Bingo" or "Mary Sue Bingo". Mysterious destiny, unique individual, part of a society and unique in it as well, Powers out of the wazoo, Is orphan? I think we'll hit BINGO before we're halfway through this book.


quote:

+ + +

Detective Black sat in his dark office smoking a cigarette and scanning through the coaster case. He constantly looked at pictures of Railrunner, examining him all ways possible. He looked at pictures of Rodney. He opened his mouth and let out a large puff of smoke.

“What are you hiding, that you don’t want me to know?” Black questioned himself. He looked at the picture of Rodney again. Then put Railrunner’s beside Rodney’s on the screen. He looked at them closely, that’s when he caught something. He zoomed in on them both. His eyes widened at what he saw.

The tattoos on Rodney’s arm matched the markings on Railrunner’s. And they both had the same gold eyebrow piercing. Detective Black realized his prediction was wrong.

“Well, Rodney, looks like you’ve been hiding a dirty little secret after all.”

Black! :swoon: Solve the mystery of the Red Rampaging Roller Coaster all by yourself. You don't need no stinking FBI agents "Captain"


quote:

+ + +

“An orphan?” questioned Vick. “When did he tell you this?”

“Long time ago.” Clare began as she started to put Railrunner’s missing pieces of his puzzle together.

“Really? Did he say where he was from?”

“Well, let’s see,” Clare said trying to think of a place other than Amusement Park Between. “He is from Tennessee.” She lied.

Of course he is.


quote:

“Clare, did Rodney mention at any time in your relationship the subject of roller coasters?”

Clare could feel herself sweat a little. There had been many times Railrunner had mentioned coasters.

“No not really,” she said.

Vick rubbed his chin. He was getting tired and frustrated. Then he leaned closer to her.

“Clare, how many times have you actually seen the monster? Was Rodney with you?”

"Have you seen them at the same time? Has anyone seen them together?"

Clare, it's hard to like you. In fact it's impossible. Everything that's about you is about Railrunner. You don't have a shred of individuality and you only exist to serve as some plot device for Railrunner. Usually when someone is such a blank slate, it's for the reader to interject themselves into the story into that role. This was done in the Twilight books where Bella was so bland every-day girl and helped with propelling Twilight as the hottest book ever. However, in Twisted!, this falls flat because of a simple fact. The book is about Railrunner. It's not a romance novel about his undying love for her or the other way around. This is a novel about a hero who will prevail and defeat the bad guy in the end. The focus will never stay on Clare for long enough to "live" her in the novel.


quote:

Before Clare could answer, Captain Vick’s phone rang. She sighed in relief.

“This is Vick.” He responded.

“It’s Black.” Vicks volume was up on high on his phone and Clare could hear his every word.

“Found anything, Detective?”

“Yes, I certainly have. I wouldn’t waste anymore time, I looked through old files and found his residence. Meet me at the location, and Captain, bring reinforcements, you’ll need every one of them.”

Oh my god, Black knows! Clare thought. Vick quickly hung up and scrambled his men out the door. A few seconds later Clare picked up the phone and dialed Railrunner’s number. The sun was starting to set.

+ + +

Detective Black, who's too cool to be looking up Rodney's address in the white pages and has to dig it up in the old files. And he did it at a record speed. I would like to nominate Black as the true hero of Twisted!

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