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Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




I can't wait to see your ultimate spiral into madness!

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Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Isaak looks up from his drink with a smile and says, “You're right. I'm only here because of you. I might as well allow you goons to lavish me with money as I keep your asses out of jail.”

Jameson laughs heartily lifting his drink to you. “Here's to the future.”

Isaak lightly taps Jameson's beer glass with his own. “To the future.”




Isaak's suit pocket vibrates. He holds a finger up to excuse himself from the table so he can take the call. The young, blonde companion in response pulls out a pocket mirror and reapplies her make-up. Once outside the restaurant, he presses the phone against his ear and answers, “This is Isaak.”

The voice on the other end of the phone call causes the wrinkles around Isaak's eyes to crease in vexation. He squints and with his free hand rubs his forehead to soothe the building headache.

“I'm on my way.” He finally says, ending the call and stuffing the phone into his suit. Isaak heads back into the restaurant and up to his driver. “Get the car for me please? I need to make an appearance.” He says. “Afterwards, you can drop the girl off at her place or your place, I don't give a poo poo.” Isaak smiles, wearing the mask to hide his true emotions.

The driver chuckles. “Of course sir.” He says as he leaves out the front.

One of Isaak's bodyguards hands him his coat and scarf, which he puts it on. Isaak then walks to his table and addresses the young woman. “I must be off. I do thank you for your company.” He nods to one of his men and the bodyguard escorts her out.



As Isaak walks through the police station, he feels the angry eyes of countless police officers burning holes into the back of his head. It made him feel powerful. He effectively made the police's job twice as hard if they ever had any hope of charges sticking. Isaak made his way into interrogation and immediately made his presence known. “Hello Detectives. That will be enough thank you.”

Isaak looks at Jameson and notices he has a mist of blood on his neck and cheek. “Hey there Sharky.” Jameson says.

“Be quiet. Not another word until I get you alone with me.” Isaak says tersely. His anger is bubbling up inside, but nothing shows on his face.

One of the detectives leans back in his chair and snarks. “I wouldn't even bother councilor. This is open and shut.”

“Did I not make myself clear Detective?”

The detective holds his hands up defensively. “Alright, alright. We'll be outside.”

When the detectives leave the room Isaak turns on Jameson, his fury barely contained. “What the gently caress did you do this time Jameson?”

“Relax Shark, no body, no crime.”

“No body no-” Isaak puffs through his nostrils in agitation. “Jameson, I need to know everything you know, so that I'm fully prepared just in case you hosed up and poo poo hits the fan.”

“Brother I'm telling you not to worry. I've been in this game for like thirty years. I know how to cover my poo poo up. Everything is already taken care of.”

Isaak glares at Jameson, thinking of what to do next.

Force Jameson to tell Isaak what he knows.

Trust Jameson has everything under control.

Mercedes fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Jul 15, 2013

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




i81icu812 posted:

Please tell me there will be dramatic readings.

Did someone say dramatic readings?

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






I'm so giddy. This book is awesome in it's awfulness!

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Daveski posted:

Has a cat ever actually done this? My cat will occasionally pick something up in her mouth, but only after beating it around with her paws first. Does he use a dead mouse for a keychain?

I find that hilarious to me. My cats couldn't care less if I dropped my keys on the ground. I would think a stray cat would be afraid of the large lumbering human to even think about getting close to the keys.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




alcharagia posted:

Don't worry. I'm sure Rodney can keep his adventure on the rails.

I'm pretty certain that Rodney's new coworkers will throw him for a loopty loop.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






:suspense:

Also, a few questions for those who are savvy.

Why can't I get my tindecks to stream? Instead it's download only. (Of course, this sound file you can stream. WTF.)

And, anyone know of some cheap but effective microphones I can get online? If I'm gonna keep doing these readings (and I do!) I would rather have some better quality sound.

Mercedes fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Mar 14, 2013

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.







Man, the joys of doing blind readings. I did not see that portrait of the girl coming. Holy poo poo.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




paragon1 posted:

Now wait just a goddamn minute.



Namco should sue.

I don't... what..? isn't that the same picture? I don't get it.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




I found myself shaking my head as I was going through the chapter. The entire chapter.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




my dad posted:

Well, my accent is too strong for a dramatic reading


And this is why you should read dramatically :)

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




This is amazing. I can't wait to see how terrible this gets.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




:aaaaa:


This is so bad. I am in awe of how terrible this is! I must have more....

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




my dad posted:

Against my better judgement, have a dramatic reading.



Apologies for my accent.

:swoon: The cat meowing took me by surprise. This was great!

Mercedes fucked around with this message at 06:59 on Apr 1, 2013

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




This is gonna be awesome.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Holy poo poo Clare. Stone cold killer.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




What the gently caress, I can't even see the goddamn picture behind the wall of watermarks

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Guys, guys. How the gently caress did Clare beat Railrunner and a speeding cop car to the loving amusement park on foot?!

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




SSNeoman posted:


A whole new wooooorrrrrlllld...~

Holy poo poo I laughed harder than I should
have at this joke

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Detective Black... Noooooo!!!!!! :argh:

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




"I cut down the last Vietnamese guerilla fighter with my trusty machete, in my victory I impregnated the entire village.”

“No way.” Kowalski says. “So let me get this straight; you successfully led a one man assault on a village with nothing but your favorite brand of cigarettes and a machete and had sex with the entire female population before your back-up arrived?”

“To be fair, my back up came while I was repopulating the village, but I made them wait until I was done.” Detective Black states right before taking a sip from his coffee.

“Classic Black.” Kowalski says while shaking his head.

Detective Black brings his coffee back to his lips for another sip when his radio crackles to life.

“Break-Break, this is Dispatch. All available units needed for a disturbance at bar Snooks; corner of 5th and Broadmore, over.”

Black snatches the radio off the diner table and holds it to his face. “Dispatch this is Black. Wilco to Snooks, over and out.”

“Well there goes the idea of a quiet night.” Says the officer. “Also, I think your lingo may be off…”

“I’m a man of action Kowalski. I don’t have time for some dumb vernacular. I only have time to bust some heads in.” Black snatches the radio from the table and leaves a large tip with his phone number for the waitress he’ll probably have sex with tomorrow.


Detective Black effortlessly drifts into a parking spot and coolly steps out of his sports car while lighting one of his favorite cigarettes. In front of him, there was pandemonium. There were bodies lying around and injured policemen being treated by paramedics. Black walks up to one of the injured and as he stoops to his eye level he asks, “So, did you see who did all this?” He blows out a ring of smoke into the officer’s face.

“I have no Idea.” He says. “All I can remember is a squad car coming at me.” The fat police officer held an ice pack to his head to help with the swelling.

Black, nodded his head and then turned to address his colleagues. “Does anyone else involved have a brief description of what our suspect looks like?” Black neither had the time or the patience for this mess. He had a stable full of honeys that were not going to impregnate themselves.

A tall officer waves Black over and briefs him. “Yes, the bar owner was also involved.” He says pointing to a bald man sitting on the steps of the ruined building.

Black heaves a sigh and takes a drag from his favorite cigarette brand cigarette and walks over to Mr. Calloway. “Mr. Calloway, what did you see?” Black demanded firmly, yet pensively.

The bar owner looked exhausted and he took a moment before he replies. “You’re not going to believe this, but it was a roller coaster.”

Black began to laugh but then started to choke on his cigarette. “Sir, have you been drinking?” He asks.

“Heavens no! It was a roller coaster! A mutant roller coaster! It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen! It was red and about seventeen feet tall. It had two cat-like eyes and a nose like a snake’s. Its teeth were like a wolf’s and it could roar like a tiger!” He protested, looking very flabbergasted.

“That’s quite enough Mr. Calloway.” Black says as he rolls his eyes.

“Mr. Calloway persists. Detective, I think it may be on the security camera.” He pulls it out of his pocket and hands it over. “Here’s the tape.”

Black took the tape and excused himself from the bar owner. Stepping into a police van, he hands the tap over to one of the tech guys and they all begin to watch. Black never even notices his favorite cigarette brand cigarette falling from his open mouth. “He is right…”

Mercedes fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Apr 27, 2013

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




We should invite her to these forums where we'll basically rewrite the entire book for her.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




I'm having way too much fun writing fan fiction. It's even at the expense of my own CYOA thread. I'll post it when I get home and finish it up

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




“Heya. Thanks for stopping by. I know you didn't have to.” The Captain motioned for you to have a seat and you reluctantly accept.

“What’s this about?” You ask. “What’s so important that you had to pull me away from my family? My w-“ You falter.

The Captain hesitates, his finger tracing the edge of a file on his desk. “We need you tonight.” He rushes through the rest of his statement as you stand up and turn to leave. “You’ll only be on high alert. I don't even think we'll be using you honestly. Black thinks its the… thing that put your wife in the hospital. After tonight I’ll accept your resignation letter. So please!? The men need your leadership; I don’t want to lose any more officers tonight.”

You stop at the door and brace yourself against the frame.

“The men are down in briefing waiting for you. And Harry?” You slightly turn your head. “Thank you, and I’m sorry. Against this monster, you’re the only person who I can think of that would get the most people out alive.”

“Yea.” You barely say as you head off to meet your men.

As you near the room, you scoff at the “Good Luck Harry!” balloons that still float around. You were supposed to have retired by now. You were supposed to be done today. Instead of enjoying your day, you were at the hospital most of the time by your wife, an officer who was injured at that bar where that monster emerged and raised hell.

You don’t really know what to make of it to be honest. Everyone you spoke to swears what they saw was real, and if your wife wasn't in a coma, you’d think it was an elaborate hoax your co-workers were playing on you.

The party thrown in your honor was hardly a party at all. Morose faces. Hushed whispers and stolen glances. Everyone walked on eggshells and they did their best to avoid the topic of your wife.

As you enter the briefing room, you can see your men perk up at the sight of you. That glint you see in their eyes; it's hope. Hope that they'll all live to see their families again. You let a small smile slip. Another SWAT team member slaps you on the shoulder and welcomes you in. You start to believe things will turn out okay.






You sit in the back of the SWAT van speeding toward the carnival outside of town. You inspect your equipment over and over again; it's the only thing that calms your nerves before heading out into the field. Seated next to you, a rookie is nervously tapping his foot; what was his name? You lean back and catch a glimpse of his name tag stitched to the body armor on his back. James. "Bastion." You say.

James Bastion seems to snap out of his reverie. "Yea Harry?" He says.

"You're one heck of a marksman." You say.

"Heh. Thanks Harry." He responds.

"We're lucky to have you with us." You say.

James smiles, visibly more at ease. Funny how a few simple words can lighten the mood.

Moments later, time stops having any meaning. The van stops and the doors fly open. You're on the ground with your team headed towards the food court. Five of you. James, Marlo, Stefan and Sarai.

Your comms crackle to life. "Unit eight, checking in. All clear."

You and your team move at a brisk pace with you on point. Civilians run in panic but at least have a mind to run around the armored men with guns. Your eyes dart side to side with your M4 Carbine matching the movements, always aiming where you are looking.

"Unit nine, all clear by the carousel."

You begin to hear something that separates itself from the noise of the crowd. You crouch and stop, holding your left fist in the air, commanding your men to do the same. You slowly turn the corner of the stall and you furrow your brow. You're not quite sure what that is. You press the button on your neck and speak into your comms.

"Unit ten, we may have...poo poo, it's him!" You shout. The monster snaps his head towards you, and before you or your team can make sense of what they're seeing, the roller coaster charges down your team as quick as a snake's strike.

"It's him!" You yell, squeezing the gun's trigger. "We're on the north side, by the--grk!" Ice slides into your body and you lose your footing. Your team valiantly attempts to hold their ground, but their bullets do nothing.

"poo poo, gently caress! He got Harry!" James shouts into his mic.

You're bleeding out. You're getting dizzy really quickly, but you still have your hand on your rifle and you can still move it. If it's the last thing you do, you'll give your men a fighting chance to make it out of this alive. "RUN!" You yell to your squad as loud as your failing lungs allow you to. With shaking hands you fire on the monster trying to draw his attention away from your squad-mates long enough for them to retreat.



Your last thought before your plan worked was, "Bethany, I'm sorry I won't be there for you and Scarlet."

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




FFFfffffff


Reading all the contradictions and the powers and the bullshit it's making me feel helplessly frustrated.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Kids these days have no respect.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Holy poo poo Bobbin, that was your best one yet

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




SeXReX posted:

Then I remembered I'm about as talented a writer as Miranda

And that is why you need to write that story!!

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




This is so much better than what it's based on :aaaaa:

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




JosephWongKS posted:

Chapter 40 – Pirates
Part 2



:byodood:

Alright JWKS... it's lost the novelty. You can stop posting fanfiction of Bobbin's original story "The Deadly Ride".

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Kjoery posted:

Well, actually, ironwheel announced the fact that the military would be entering the city far in advance; the city got hit hard by a depression, and a whole bunch of abandoned buildings gradually got taken over by criminals. The military is basically planning to re-take the city and massively rehaul city infrastructure.

This makes the most sense. With what we know of Railrunner, he kills innocents and contributing members to society with impunity. Of course he'll be one to stop the military from taking back the city from crime and turning it into a safe haven.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I'd disagree with doing that. Perhaps you didn't notice the plot summary and restatement of rules or the tonal shift, but "Detective Black and the Deadly Ride" and "Detective Black and the Park Beyond" are meant to be two separate works.

You should totally sell your completely original works on Kindle for a dollar. I'd support you :respek:.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




I find it funny that they needed Railrunner to come up with a plan that basically boils down to "Let's dress up as the enemy as a distraction while the rest of the force comes in and pounds them in the rear end in a top hat."

No one had any other ideas. It was just Railrunner walks in, announces what they're gonna do, everyone break.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.





Who's a bigger monster now? You or Railrunner???

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




The tension rising and deflating in one breath are my favorite

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




I hate this book so much.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




JosephWongKS posted:

She probably meant "Trust me, think 'James Bond'".

Knowing Miranda Leek, she probably meant "Trust, me think James Bond." :btroll:

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




WeaponGradeSadness posted:

The way Static is constantly getting poo poo on by everyone, including the author, would be hilarious if it wasn't so baffling. What does Leek have against him?

A bumper car slaughtered her family.

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Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.




quote:

“Don’t make any sudden moves,” I demanded. The frightened guard simply nodded. This poor man could not see Captain Vick and I this evening, I would have to dispose of him. Like lightning, I flipped the gun into the air. I then used the handle and clobbered him on the side of the head. The guard fell to the ground knocked out cold. I flipped the gun around and stuck it through my belt and then pulled out my cell phone.


Something really bothers me about this passage. "Rodney flips the gun into the air" which I could see him do it, but he does it "like lightning" which I'm assuming Miranda meant faster than what the human eye can process. WTF happened to gravity in this situation? It another one of Railrunner's Mary Sue powers controlling the gravity of other objects?

One other thing.



The handle is where you hold the gun, which is either underneath where the trigger is, or upfront where you wrap your other hand to hold the gun upwards. The stock is what you hold against your shoulder for support, and also the part where you can club someone over the head with. I am 100% certain she did absolutely no research for anything in her fanfiction of Bobbin's book in progress.

poo poo, you don't even need to flip the drat gun in the air to access the stock as a weapon. loving bring it around and smash them in the side of the head. I hate Miranda Leek and I hate her book and I hate her characters and goddamnit she is the worst.

I don't know why this bothers me more than anything else. :(

Mercedes fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Jun 26, 2013

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