Bill Simmons posted:

PED profiling.

Think about that phrase again. Hasn't it become an essential part of following sports? Why won't we admit it? ...

Some of my favorite ways include …

• Skip the Olympics (which has much stricter drug testing) in your prime for any dubious reason and you're on the list.

• Enjoy your best season in years in your late 30s, four or five years after your last "best season," and you're on the list.

• If you're a skinny dude who miraculously managed to add 20 pounds of muscle to your scarecrow frame, you're on the list.

• If you chopped down the recovery time of a debilitating injury to something that just didn't seem possible a year ago, you're on the list.

• If you were really good and really ripped at a really young age, and now your body is breaking down much sooner than it should be breaking down, you're on the list.

• If you're exhibiting a level of superhuman endurance that has little correlation to the endurance of any of your competitors, you're on the list. ...