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DarkCrawler
Apr 6, 2009


Zybourne Clock posted:

Guys, why are you voting to drop the spiked club. Surely the better option is to lob that thing at Eyescream and hope the spikes manage to pierce some of its eyes. The thing is a third the size of our city and we're a ridiculously tall and muscular guy with hypersensitive vision and hearing. I'm sure we'll manage to hit something and do at least some damage. It's not like throwing the club will take that much more time compared to just dropping it, and if we're going to abandon it anyway we might as well try to get at least some use out of it.

1V. Smash all the smashable offerings on a consecrated rock, then pull a Tudiya and offer a lifetime service to El. Then mutter a short prayer and lob the spiked club at the Eldritch abomination's eyes.

It's third of the size of a city and has gazillion eyes, I don't think that piercing one of them will slow it down much. And personally I wouldn't wait around to see the whites(?) of it's eyes.

Also, voting B & X

DarkCrawler fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 13:07

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Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Drop club, get dressed. Carry snarls, put jackal skull on our head / snarls' head.

G X

UppaTree
May 3, 2013



Eh, throw the club if you want - over our shoulder, while we're running. Trying to aim at the thing is a waste of time.

We cannot see the thing. It is somewhere between 100 meters and a mile out, with intervening trees. We're good, but we're not that good.

Also, this thing is constantly screaming in agony, so I doubt it'll even notice a thorny stick to the eye. But go ahead, we might luck out, which is more than can be said for dropping it.

DarkCrawler
Apr 6, 2009


Hey, maybe it's not screaming because it wants to kill us, maybe it's a "lion with a thorn in it's paw" type of situation! Wouldn't an eldritch horror be an awesome friend guys?! Let's all vote to stop!

DarkCrawler fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 13:32

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

DarkCrawler posted:

It's third of the size of a city and has gazillion eyes, I don't think that piercing one of them will slow it down much. And personally I wouldn't wait around to see the whites(?) of it's eyes.

Also, voting B & X

Its size and number of eyes is an advantage in that it raises our chances of actually hitting something. We can just hammer throw our club and not worry about accuracy or precision, and it takes maybe a second or two longer than just dropping the club. You're right in saying the monster might not even register any pain, but that isn't something we know until we try. The way I see it there's little difference between throwing and simply dropping the club in terms of risk, but in terms of reward we stand more to gain by doing the former.

Save Target As
Oct 13, 2008



Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

Drop club, get dressed. Carry snarls, put jackal skull on our head / snarls' head.

G X


I'm down for voting this too.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

It looks like dropping the club has a good many votes, though I have not counted.

If we are going to drop it let's throw it. If we throw it let's throw it with:

EL HA MELECH KOL HA OLAM! VAYAHI OR!

And then beat feet.

Sogol fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 14:06

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


College Slice

Sogol posted:

It looks like dropping the club has a good many votes, though I have not counted.

If we are going to drop it let's throw it. If we throw it let's throw it with:

EL HA MELECH KOL HA OLAM! VAYAHI OR!

And then beat feet.

Count is here.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

^^^Thank you^^^

So dropping the club has 4x as many votes as anything else at 19.

Praying with/without an offering and Vayahi Or has a combined 14.

Use the club itself as an offering by throwing it with:

EL HA MELECH KOL HA OLAM! VAYAHI OR!

This would be a consolidation of those votes and take almost no time.

Then eXit stage left.

Sogol fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 14:20

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.


Or, we could not throw a toothpick at the monster the size of a mountain and alert it to which direction we are in.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


You drop the spiked club and lift Snarl, who winces slightly and lets out a soft wine.

Pain!

You are as gentle as you can be and rest Snarls on your left shoulder. Trees still fly overhead, somewhere behind you you hear others breaking and as the monster continues it's pursuit.

You turn east and run with all of the speed you can manage. Your archery teacher, Ishamal' friend Chait(Gyros!) had you spend far more time running laps around the city walls than actually using a bow, besides his other dubious "training" and it seems to be paying off today. As you run, you let out a number of prayers to El. Will they be answered?

You run and you keep running. Trees crash down around you like rain in a thunderstorm, you drastically change direction sharply more than once as some of the trees soar closer.

You can see the edge of the forest ahead. You blow through it and by El you keep running for by the sound of the closing screams, that horror gives no intention it intends to slow it's pursuit.

As you run over the dry scrubland trees continue to rain down around you, now im greater numbers as you present a more clearly visible target. You duck under one and leap over another which lands just in front of you, weave, duck and dodge and just keep running.

As you climb a hill, you hear a great scream of rage, the trees finally stop raining down and you look behind you but do not stop.

The forest lay half a mile behind you now and it is as if the forest, the entire portion you can see anyway, is filled with a soupy gooey sea of flesh, eyes and mouths, screaming, pulling up trees and smashing them in rage. The creature extends across the treeline, north to south, as far as your rather good eyesight can see. If you had to guess, the creature pulled itself along on the trees and with no hand holds... make that pseudopod holds? Tentacle holds? Without anything to grab onto, it gives up it's pursuit, even if it is not all that pleased about the prospect.

After another half a mile,you stop, panting and catch your breath. Through this scrubland, anywhere from 4 days to a week north must be the river which flows southwest through Zepath and two weeks up that river on foot, home.

You sit down, hunched over and panting, exhausted. Snarls is panting as well nut

As you look up-



















A familiar figure, 13 feet tall with two sets of wings and dressed in a garment woven from gold, silver and priceless gems.

Azzazel kneels down to hold out a priceless golden emerald encrusted goblet to you.

"It is just juice, Creature" he says.

You can smell it. Apple juice.

1. Do you drink?
A. Yes.
B. No.
C. No, but decline politely.
D. Give it to Snarls.
E. Stare up at Azzazel slack jawed and painting as you can't immediately cope with his casual appearance after everything you have gone through.
F. Screw the juice! Snarls is hurt, help him!
G. Something else. Fill in.

"If you ask me-" says Azzazel "and I think you should as you would rather like what I have to say, I think you have done PAAAAAAALENTY and if those manimals don't agree than they are stupider than I thought. Let me send you back to Zepath, Creature, a gift between friends, we are friends, surely?"

Azzazel gives you a conspiratory grin.


Tired.


2. And your response is... what?



Asking non provocative questions remains a "free action" anyone can do and it won't seem odd if you ask 100 questions in the span of a minute. Telling Azzazel something requires a vote.



3. There was no obvious divine aid. Did your prayers matter?
H. No they did not.
I. They did, but I did it on my own.
J. My maneuvers around some of those trees were a little lucky... I may have had help.
K. J, but I am sure I was helped that way.
L. I did not receive help because I did not need it, but I was being watched.
M. I did not receive help because I did not need it, I was NOT being watched.
N. I think Azzazel intervened.
O. My prayers were answered by helping me run swiftly and surely!
P. My prayers were answered because the monster stopped chasing me at the forests edge!
Q. Something else. Fill in.

Diogines fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 15:15

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

1: A. You know, I think we're too exhausted to keep up the mistrust game, right now we're just happy to see a non-gibbering face. Looks like it's being freely offered, take the drink.
2: Hey, what happened to question 2?

Edit:

2: Oh, there it is. You know, I'm going to buck the trend and my initial response and say we accept. I know seeing the trial through is important, but we have our offerings (I think, question for Diogenes, 28 pearls, how good is that? How will that be looked at in terms of wealth offerings?), we've undergone great trials, and all that's left now is the trip back. Not to say that trip is without difficulty, but we've proven ourself, and now we ought to make use of one of the resources we've acquired during our trial, namely, Azzazel's good will. Using his power to avoid the trial entirely would have been cheating, but using his power to accomplish one of our (mundane) goals? It's no different than if we found a magical device to make use of, like we made us of the Obelisk's nourishing waters. We earned this good will at risk to ourself, it's a reward of our trials.

3: J. Maybe. I mean, it's always possible. Equally likely we did it on our own, but maybe there was some luck in how those trees landed. We don't know, so ruling out providence entirely smacks of hubris.

Question for Azzazel: What is that thing?

Theglavwen fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 15:17

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh


Well hey there stranger

1. A

2. So, what the hell did I just run away from!?

3. I

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Oh, hey, update. Hey, HiHo, seems we could outrun it after all!

Ask Azzazel if he knows what the hell that thing is and what it's capable of.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


"An animal? A monster? A demon? Does it matter? If I gave you a name for it Creature, would that be any more descriptive than what you saw? When the manimals speak of horrors within the sea, they mean things like that."

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


"Hey Azz, would you mind writing up a little statement on a stone tablet saying that you saw us manage to get the hell away from this thing and signing it? I don't know if they'll believe me otherwise when I get home and I'm sure they'll be impressed that you were a witness."

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh


Follow-up question: How did it find me? Was it drawn to my location somehow?

Neraren
Sep 15, 2006
Random Nerd #753897

Did we tell Azzazel we were from Zepath? I thought we deliberately avoided telling him where Ishamal was. Curious.

"Are you truly Azzazel? What was the gift you gave before we left your oasis?"

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Theglavwen posted:

(I think, question for Diogenes, 28 pearls, how good is that? How will that be looked at in terms of wealth offerings?)
28 pearls will buy you a few cows, which is rather more than what you figure most people bring for their manhood test, one whole adult cow is generally a pretty good sacrifice for any occasion.

It is far less than the 100 you hoped for.

The difficulty with which you gained them will not increase their material value as a trade good, but should make them and the jackal skull more pleasing to El.

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Oh, also ask Azzazel:

"Can that thing go up rivers as well? How long will it stick around, do you know?"

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.


Tomn posted:

"Hey Azz, would you mind writing up a little statement on a stone tablet saying that you saw us manage to get the hell away from this thing and signing it? I don't know if they'll believe me otherwise when I get home and I'm sure they'll be impressed that you were a witness."

Oooh, do this in addition to whatever else we do. That can be what we accept from Azzazel, a teacher's note.

"Please excuse Enkidel's lateness; he was attacked by a giant soupy mess from the deep, and it almost ate his homework and his animal. Sincerely, Azz. PS Hi Ishamal!"

1)A
2)Thanks! Can you help my animal?
3)L

Drink it. We deserve it and we already faced our hardships - it isn't cheating to accept his help after. Also, I think this was all us, but surely someone was keeping an eye on things in case it went bad.

Task Manager fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 15:40

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009

Chakh'mah Mush'lam Echad Rak


1. F Please heal my friend and return him home. He is suffering because of my mistakes and deserves to rest. I must complete the journey on foot, because this is my trial.
2. "What makes you believe that we are from Zepath? Do you know who I am?"
3. O

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Tomn posted:

"Hey Azz, would you mind writing up a little statement on a stone tablet saying that you saw us manage to get the hell away from this thing and signing it? I don't know if they'll believe me otherwise when I get home and I'm sure they'll be impressed that you were a witness."
Azzazel laughs. "I assure you Creature, a story from me will win you few friends in Zepath, they will assume I have enthralled you. I have no interest in manimal pets, goats are FAR cuter! Smarter too!"

Tomn posted:

Oh, also ask Azzazel:


"Can that thing go up rivers as well? How long will it stick around, do you know?"
"I expect it'll. thrash in rage for a day or so then crawl back into the sea. Going up a river? Unlikely."



Neraren posted:

Did we tell Azzazel we were from Zepath? I thought we deliberately avoided telling him where Ishamal was. Curious.

"Are you truly Azzazel? What was the gift you gave before we left your oasis?"
"I am the Tester here, Creature! I will not answer such a preposterous question! Besides! Isn't it far more fun if I give you just enough doubt to wonder?"

He grins at you.


Task Manager posted:

Thanks! Can you help my animal?
"A trip back or help for the pooch, but not both Creature. My good will has it's limit... *mumble mumble mumble*.... besides, I like to keep a low profile."


UnassemblyRequired posted:

"What makes you believe that we are from Zepath? Do you know who I am?"
To which he says "Better than you might suspect, Creature."

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Diogines posted:

Azzazel laughs. "I assure you Creature, a story from me will win you few friends in Zepath, they will assume I have enthralled you. I have no interest in manimal pets, goats are FAR cuter! Smarter too!"

"A trip back or help for the pooch, but not both Creature. My good will has it's limit... *mumble mumble mumble*.... besides, I like to keep a low profile."

"Tell you what, how about this - if you'd like to write a letter to Ishmael, I could deliver it for you. Would that be a fair price for helping Snarls?"

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Tomn posted:

Oh, hey, update. Hey, HiHo, seems we could outrun it after all!

Hey, I'm just glad I was wrong about it's ability to chase us, but we have a hurt Snarls due to making the poor thing run. There was a reasonable expectation of getting some divine help by praying and offering a sacrifice if we took the short amount of time to do so, but what's done is done. I think only one person thought it could grab onto the trees by its pseudo-pods in the thread earlier. Glad to see it was limited from going further by the forest ending.

1. Do you drink?
G. Share it with Snarls.

2. And your response is... what?
Nah. Call me stubborn, but we set out to complete this challenge fully. We're doing this not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

3. There was no obvious divine aid. Did your prayers matter?
Q. Prayers matter, but it is understood now that greasing the wheels with a sacrifice might make divine aid more fruitful in the future.

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions



1. F Thank him, but ask if he can please help Snarls first before we do anything else. We love him as much as he love goats!

2. We'd love to accept, but if it's a choice between accepting and helping Snarls, we choose Snarls. Unless you want to trade transport for our delivering a message to Ishamal? Either way, thank Azz profusely, and offer to regale him with the tale of our deeds over lunch before we go. He seems to like stories.

3. J No obvious signs, and yet...we did get suspiciously lucky. Friends above?

Question for Az:

Are there any messages you'd like us to take Ishamal?

How did you know we were in trouble?

Snarls will get transported back with us if we go, right?

Did you see how we beat the poo poo out of that monster that killed your goat? Pretty cool, right?


EDIT: Just saw the entries above. Well, shoot. If it's a choice between transport and fixing Snarls, then take the help healing Snarls. Unless Azz wants to trade transport for delivering a message to Ish. Updated #2 accordingly.

FoxTerrier fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 16:18

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

1D.
2. "I'm sorry, Azzazel, I just can't accept any help".
3L.

I still distrust Azzazel, and think he's preying on us now that we're at our weakest. If we do end up taking on his offer, I hope we set up a contract first and pay him for his service with our pearls.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Azzazel

Azz. Az. El.

It all makes sense now.

El. In azzhole form.

What a fucker

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh


After we're done with our questions, I also vote 2. accept his offer, and have him send us back. We took him out with us and bear responsibility for Snarls' injury, it's time for him to rest.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Diogines posted:

"I am the Tester here, Creature! I will not answer such a preposterous question! Besides! Isn't it far more fun if I give you just enough doubt to wonder?"

He grins at you.

I don't like this one bit, and the "Tester" makes me wonder if what the endgame of this choice is.

Also, Azzazzel didn't seem too fazed by Eyescream, and apparently knows it's general reactions/behaviors.

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


You know, I kinda like how after our latest death-defying adventure you can almost feel the tension leaking out of the thread as we shoot the poo poo with Azzazel.

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


College Slice

1:G - Stare blankly for a while, then take it, drink half and give Snarls the other half.

2: Can you fix my dog please. [Say Joke: Making him immortal and strong enough to pull a wagon would be awesome too, while you're at it.]

3:Q - I don't know if my prayers were heard, or if I was being watched, it's too soon to decide either way. They didn't hurt, though.

Edit: Don't give him the bloody pearls. We're gonna get these home and slam them on that altar if it kills us.

Nettle Soup fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 16:30

DarkCrawler
Apr 6, 2009


1. F (copied) Please heal my friend and return him home. He is suffering because of my mistakes and deserves to rest. I must complete the journey on foot, because this is my trial.
2. "Here, we saw this guy eating a goat and killed it." I don't know, maybe he'll bless the skull and we can have a bitchin' magical skull helmet or something but it doesn't hurt to show that we took his lesson to heart.
3. H seriously not everything good that happens to us is because of a blessing. We trained hard as hell, let's recognize that it paid off.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Should we even bother sticking around a day or so in the general area to try and get our club back?

Vavrek
Mar 2, 2013

I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?

1. A

2. "Thanks for the offer. I think I should get back on my own. I can't turn down help for Snarls, though. Thank you."

3. J. We're alive, so ... maybe? They probably didn't hurt, I guess.


Ask Azz: "What does 'grigori' mean? Are you one?"

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


HiHo ChiRho posted:

Should we even bother sticking around a day or so in the general area to try and get our club back?

Personally I am not in favor of tempting fate. Whether by means natural or supernatural, it is time to get the gently caress home with what we managed to salvage and count ourselves lucky.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




What's the deal with Zepa's obelisk that we found?

Diogines posted:

"An animal? A monster? A demon? Does it matter? If I gave you a name for it Creature, would that be any more descriptive than what you saw? When the manimals speak of horrors within the sea, they mean things like that."
Tell Azzazzel that we named the creature Eyescream.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE



Nap Ghost

1. D Give it to Snarls

2. Fix or send back Snarls, pah-leeze (if sent, give Snarls a note to carry back telling what is going on)

3. M We did this on our own (plus our kick rear end sandals)

OhYo
Apr 13, 2006



1. Do you drink?
E. Stare up at Azzazel slack jawed and painting as you can't immediately cope with his casual appearance after everything you have gone through.

Azzazel gives you a conspiratory grin.

2. And your response is... what?
*Catching breath with a submissive, "sure-you-got-it." nod. "Yesyes, friends, but uh, yea what's the point of going this far and not take it all the way? The hard part's over. I'm sure *catchbreath catchbreath* it's a friend-thing to understand and as your friend I understand you want to help out it's just... I'm hoping you understand too."
I'm not sure if this is provocative or vote-worthy. ^

3. There was no obvious divine aid. Did your prayers matter?
I+Q. They did, but I did it on my own. El gave me this body. Every heartbeat, every breath is His.

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Save Target As
Oct 13, 2008



1. Do you drink?

G. Drink some, and give the rest to Snarls. We're fuckin tired, I don't feel like playing mind games with him at this point.

2. No, heal Snarls please, but we will find our own way home. We're not in this for the easy win.

3. There was no obvious divine aid. Did your prayers matter?

K. J, but I am sure I was helped that way.

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