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Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

Lemme just make it clear.

You're voting to give a goat a handjob.

Ahem.

Diog posted:

As you turn to walk away, you pause and look back to Azzazel. "How can I find you again?"

"Call my name in the parched and remote places and you will find me" he says "Or make a goat VERY happy!"

Draw your own conclusions!

(I still have no idea what to do but I'm sure we'll drive Azzazel sick with laughter if we do this.)

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busb
Mar 19, 2009

Thorgie

Obviously the cactus the goat is chewing on will have tremendous benefits. Drink all the cactus juice, and pat Snarls while he slowly dies. It's pretty handy being able to hang onto your next meal!

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

B: Talk to it. "Hi goat."

Probably A after that though. Azz has sent us the goat for a reason. I don't think he's playing a joke on us, he seemed legitimately interested in helping; I think he's tossing us a bone. I want to proceed carefully though, as the bone he's tossing us might not be the edible kind we think it is, and he might be shocked and angered to find that we assumed his precious goat was for eating, instead of the obvious alternative.

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.


...

...

Changing my vote to making the goat very happy.

...

drat it.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Theglavwen posted:

B: Talk to it. "Hi goat."

Probably A after that though. Azz has sent us the goat for a reason. I don't think he's playing a joke on us, he seemed legitimately interested in helping; I think he's tossing us a bone. I want to proceed carefully though, as the bone he's tossing us might not be the edible kind we think it is, and he might be shocked and angered to find that we assumed his precious goat was for eating, instead of the obvious alternative.

the obvious alternative.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP4w8ePtbPA

Captain Mediocre
Oct 14, 2005

Saving lives and money!



Theglavwen posted:

B: Talk to it. "Hi goat."

Probably A after that though. Azz has sent us the goat for a reason. I don't think he's playing a joke on us, he seemed legitimately interested in helping; I think he's tossing us a bone. I want to proceed carefully though, as the bone he's tossing us might not be the edible kind we think it is, and he might be shocked and angered to find that we assumed his precious goat was for eating, instead of the obvious alternative.

He's tossed us a bone, we need to do a bit of bone tossing in return.

B. Lets milk that goat.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

Guys. Let's not molest the goat please. Pretty please?

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004

I love you boy, One Pack, always.


Lipstick Apathy

This is what we've come to. Voting to make the goat very happy. B "Milk" the goat.

falcon2424
May 2, 2005



This was a bad idea, but just kill the goat and be done.

Wentley
Feb 7, 2012


Task Manager posted:

...

...

Changing my vote to making the goat very happy.

...

drat it.

Milk the goat.

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh


B Talk to the goat. Make a fool out of yourself.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Don't jerk off the goat without its consent. At least talk to the goat first.

Question for the goat
Hello, how are you?

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


SerSpook posted:

Guys. Let's not molest the goat please. Pretty please?

If Diogines didn't want to write about goat handjobs in loving detail, he shouldn't have let Snarls get sick

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

If Diogines didn't want to write about goat handjobs in loving detail, he shouldn't have let Snarls get sick



This is true.

Diogines, this is your ultimatum. Allow Snarls to live, or write this update.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




On final thought for the night: Azzazzel has appeared before us in disguise before.

You could be voting to jerk him off in goat form.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

The goat could also bite us or flee before we could grab its junk.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

HiHo ChiRho posted:

On final thought for the night: Azzazzel has appeared before us in disguise before.

You could be voting to jerk him off in goat form.

This is also true.

Please don't give the goat a handjob. I'm sure Diogines can be reasoned with regarding our entirely understandable demands regarding Snarls.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Question for Diog

Have we ever actually milked an animal before?

Question for Goat

Do you have a name?

Can you help me?

Question for Goons

If the goat does not have a name what should we name it?

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh


Pretty sure this is Azzazel telling us "you blew it kid!"

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

Name the goat "Goatse".

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


RandomPauI posted:

Question for Diog

Have we ever actually milked an animal before?
No.

RandomPauI posted:

Question for Goat
Asking the goat a question will be a vote, at least the first one, depending on it's response.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

Listen to the story of how the brave Enkidel beat off a goat in the desert.

falcon2424
May 2, 2005



HiHo ChiRho posted:

On final thought for the night: Azzazzel has appeared before us in disguise before.

You could be voting to jerk him off in goat form.

Well, then, that would solve the whole favor thing...

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008



Ham Wrangler

RandomPauI posted:

Have we ever actually milked an animal before?

I hope not.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


While you think at the goat for a moment and then consider "milking" the male goat, you ultimately decide to talk to it.

"Hello um... goat?"

The goat turns and looks at it, you munches on bits of cactus in it's mouth.



"Goat do you um..."

The goat interrupts you. "There are two words-" says the goat with Azzazel's voice between chews "I would like to hear from you Creature and you will have my aid on the terms offered before." Chew chew chew munch munch as the goat walks towards you "Though I suppose it does not need to be two, as long the content conveys the same meaning."

And to that you say or do... what?

Snarls lay where you left him in the dirt beside you, sleeping and ill.


Last update for the night. Next one tomorrow at some point.

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions



I'm going to say with go with..."I'm Sorry."

I think we kinda hurt his feelings earlier.

Kinda sad The Great Milk Debate got cut short, that was great.

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.


*Whew*

Hmmmm...."Pretty please"? "Thank you"? "I'm sorry"?

I'll go with Pretty please.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

I will suggest we say this:

Azzazel, of the desolate places, I apologize for refusing your kindly offer earlier. I wished to complete the task as much on my own as I could, and I admit that I did not know how much I could trust you. While glad to call you friend, you are something that I do not truly understand.

Yet looking back on it, it seems clear you have never been false towards me. You gave Snarls food and water as I trekked to the monument of Zepa's. You gave us drink when we fled a true monster. You know Ishamal, a man that has saved my life, and appear kindly disposed towards him. You I am proud to call friend and my mistrust of you was wrongly placed.

Thank you for what you have done for me, and for Snarls. I agree to fulfill a favor for you in the future, according to terms laid out before, if you are so willing to do so now.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose


Going to go with "I'm sorry" and "Pretty please".

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Edit: What SerSpook said

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008



Ham Wrangler

That vote was rigged.


SerSpook posted:

I will suggest we say this:

Azzazel, of the desolate places, I apologize for refusing your kindly offer earlier. I wished to complete the task as much on my own as I could, and I admit that I did not know how much I could trust you. While glad to call you friend, you are something that I do not truly understand.

Yet looking back on it, it seems clear you have never been false towards me. You gave Snarls food and water as I trekked to the monument of Zepa's. You gave us drink when we fled a true monster. You know Ishamal, a man that has saved my life, and appear kindly disposed towards him. You I am proud to call friend and my mistrust of you was wrongly placed.

Thank you for what you have done for me, and for Snarls. I agree to fulfill a favor for you in the future, according to terms laid out before, if you are so willing to do so now.

This sound good. Lets do this.

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY

SerSpook posted:

I will suggest we say this:

Azzazel, of the desolate places, I apologize for refusing your kindly offer earlier. I wished to complete the task as much on my own as I could, and I admit that I did not know how much I could trust you. While glad to call you friend, you are something that I do not truly understand.

Yet looking back on it, it seems clear you have never been false towards me. You gave Snarls food and water as I trekked to the monument of Zepa's. You gave us drink when we fled a true monster. You know Ishamal, a man that has saved my life, and appear kindly disposed towards him. You I am proud to call friend and my mistrust of you was wrongly placed.

Thank you for what you have done for me, and for Snarls. I agree to fulfill a favor for you in the future, according to terms laid out before, if you are so willing to do so now.

This is way more than two words

Going with I'm sorry.

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008



Ham Wrangler

Raserys posted:

This is way more than two words

Going with I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry" is 3 words.

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

Fandom is misery.



I'm sorry

Angela Christine posted:

"I'm sorry" is 3 words.
I'm is a contraction that shortens two words into one deal with it

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

This is the sort of conversation you're missing out on:

IRC posted:

[19:40] <randompauI> Unofficial mini-vote, what should we name the goat that half of SA wants to molest?
[19:40] <SerSpook> Elizabeth
[19:40] <SerSpook> Goatse
[19:40] <Siege> Goatse
[19:40] <Tsyni> Goatse, yesss
[19:42] <Canuck-Errant> Billy the Kid
[19:42] <Canuck-Errant> though that loses to goatse, yes
[19:43] <SerSpook> hmmm
[19:43] <SerSpook> well
[19:44] <SerSpook> now we know why the story of Labaras and Azzazel isn't really known
[19:44] <SerSpook> he beat off a goat too i bet
[19:44] <Tsyni> we could just be following our destiny
[19:44] <SerSpook> diog you planned this didn't you
[19:48] <Diog> I never planned for you to give a goat a handjob in the desert, no
[19:49] <Diog> update up
[19:51] <Canuck-Errant> "MY BAD"
[19:53] <Diog> 5 votes to give it a handjob
[19:53] <Diog> 7 to talk to it
[19:53] <Diog> 4 to think at it
[19:54] <randompauI> What would you have done if you got 5 for handjob, 4 for talk, and 4 for think?
[19:55] <Diog> Give it a handjob.
[19:56] <SerSpook> oh thank god
[19:56] <SerSpook> oh thank, thank god
[19:56] <Diog> lol
[19:56] <Diog> I am going to sleep, I am tired

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Going with Serspook, and adding "but we're not going to beat off your goat."

^ we just missed a rare oppertunity.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Voting for "I'm sorry.", and we better mean it, dammit.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


I'm sorry

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Yer a "Cool dude."

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Neraren
Sep 15, 2006
Random Nerd #753897

Why settle for one pair of words?

I'm sorry, you're cool, pretty please, my friend

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