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the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Outrail posted:

Dammit dadthe_steve, isn't anything good enough for you?

I have no son!

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SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

We were wise enough to utilize Snarls, we were courageous enough to take the sandals back in the day, we were faithful and determined enough to Vayahi Or a fire (or get a Melachim to do it for us), we were badass enough to escape a giant sea monster the size of a city (with most of our loot to boot), and willing to forsake our pride and potentially everything we had done to save someone in need.

Basically, it doesn't matter how that poo poo got done, so long as it got done and within the rules of the trial. We weren't out here to learn to be an awesome survivalist, we were out here to survive and perhaps learn a thing or two about the world and El. Which we have done.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

SerSpook posted:

We were wise enough to utilize Snarls, ...

I picked Snarls because he is so cute. How can you not bring that wrinkly face everywhere with you!

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008



Ham Wrangler

A C F I

As was mentioned earlier in the thread, it would be impossible to walk to the sea, collect pearls, and walk back home in the time we've been away. Shenanigans are apparent to anyone who thinks it through. Unless we're willing to camp at the side of the river for another two weeks there is no point in trying to fool anyone by changing into our ragged old clothes.

On the plus side, the people of Zepath are used to people telling wild, crazy, downright impossible stories. The important thing isn't that your story is factual, but rather that you tell it well. So a winged giant gave us a ride home at the end (after we'd been out more than a month). That isn't cheating, in Zepath that is clear evidence that you have the favour of El.

This is not a culture that puts a high value on humility. If you do what you set out to do, then you are expected to brag your head off.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Yeah we should definitely tell the story of our adventures in a proper style. Hopefully all the time we spent with Ishamal will help us be tasteful and eloquent, and not just brag.

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


You know, I've never been entirely sure how you should handle getting great rewards for passing tests of pride. Should you turn them down in keeping with your earlier humility, or should you accept them as your just due?

In this case, all things considered? Managing to make it through a desert, fish up pearls, get the hell away from a giant demon and somehow manage to successfully avoid temptation the whole time? What the hell, just due seems about right.

ACFI

Also, isn't it funny how all's well that ends well? If we'd accepted Azzazel's help from the start, we'd probably be counted to have been giving into temptation - only after refusing him and then accepting his aid for the sake of Snarls and apologizing for our earlier mistake did we count as surrendering our pride. The schizophrenic goonmind works in our favor!

On the subject of music...

This is pretty traditional - I mean, we ARE essentially graduating, after all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_doAV8bx0xg

Another classic for coming back in style, but with significantly less, uh, gravitas. (I am highly tempted to suggest their other hit: Highway to Hell)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAgnJDJN4VA

While not as traditional, triumphal, nor strictly intended as a song of returning, I do like the mental image of coming in out of the desert to this tune. The theme to "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" can serve much the same role.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLXQltR7vUQ

Now, in all amongst all these "Look what badasses we are" tunes, I figure we could use a hymn or two of praise to El instead, and I reckon this should do the trick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtR2YRM05D0

For a religious tune whose lyrics are considerably more triumphal (and cheekier, if you think about it), we could run with this instead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyciMYZq2-Y

Goons being goons, I am also tempted to add "Dies Irae" to the list, but I figure this should do for now.

Edit: Eh, why not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9L-AgsuLdI

Tomn fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 10:49

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Do you think the king met Azzazel and passed all the tests? Is there even a good way to ask him about that?

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


RandomPauI posted:

Do you think the king met Azzazel and passed all the tests? Is there even a good way to ask him about that?

"Hey Tudiya did you ever, uhh, make a goat 'very happy'?"

Daned
Jan 14, 2008



Nettle Soup posted:



1: A - TO ZEPATH!
2: C - Leave it as it is
3: F - Wear the skirt and show off our lovely legs.
4: I - Take the club, we can always burn it to El!

Let's do this in style, club over our shoulder, belongings under one arm and our dog by our side. We've come back a man, and a well dressed one at that, let's knock em dead.

(If we go back in our torn up clothes we'll never be able to own this in the future, this is our chance.)

My vote goes for this

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

"Hey Tudiya did you ever, uhh, make a goat 'very happy'?"

"We do not talk about the test. Not ever."

edit: oops, forgot to vote

ACFI

Outrail fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 11:53

Rahul
Dec 10, 2004



Another vote for the ACFI bandwagon

Save Target As
Oct 13, 2008



Rahul posted:

Another vote for the ACFI bandwagon

Same here.

Hey when we get done with everything here, can we not sacrifice the Jackal eye, I mean we already gave the meat to El and he was very pleased by that. How about instead we see if a Jeweler or smith can lacquer/seal it in some way so we can make a brace or hole through it to wear as a necklace? I think that would look pretty sweet and be a nice little trophy until we get to fight another bigger monster, preferably with less eyes than the abomination, and smaller too.

Save Target As fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 14:39

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

That sounds like a good necklace. Maybe if we clean up the eye, it will look more like a jewel.

Wentley
Feb 7, 2012


And then give it and the pearls to Mom so she doesn't have to be a servant if she doesn't want to.

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009

Chakh'mah Mush'lam Echad Rak

Wentley posted:

And then give it and the pearls to Mom so she doesn't have to be a servant if she doesn't want to.

She doesn't have to be; she's a free woman. She's staying for our sake.

Wentley
Feb 7, 2012


I'm sure she doesn't have the capital to buy a house, start a business (perhaps a cafe) and live a life doing what she wants.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Sogol posted:

Edit: first order is to hug Snarls!

Then ask: 'did you see anything when you went away boy?'

Snarls doggy hugs you back and gives you a confused look. Then another doggy hug.




Main update tonight.

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


You know, while we're here, may as well ask:

Hey, Snarls, what do you make of Azzazel now that all is over?

Tomn fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 16:33

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Nice-Smeller!

Tax Inductions
Jul 9, 2007

I carry refreshments to the good guys
I made the good guys some home fries


Count me in on the ACFI

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

ACFI

So Azzazel really was a tester, and not a fallen angel as I had suspected. I guess I may have been a little bit too paranoid. I'm voting to keep this new stuff because in one of our visions we were dressed like that.

HiHo ChiRho posted:

Throw the pearls to random people save one for mum, give Danal the skull and Tudiya the smoked eye. Place our head on the altar and give ourselves to El.

Alternatively, use the pearls as a bridal price and ask Tudiya for Naomi's hand.

Save Target As
Oct 13, 2008



Zybourne Clock posted:


Alternatively, use the pearls as a bridal price and ask Tudiya for Naomi's hand.

I don't think Tudiya would go for that, especially since Diog said that the pearls we got were probably worth just a few cattle, I think he would want more than 28 pearls.... so like, twice as many should do the trick, unless we get an employee discount.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE



Nap Ghost

Demon-Eye Jewelry would probably count. Remember, she isn't really in line for the throne, seeing as she is far down the list of children.



Hey Snarls

"How would you feel if we got ourselves a goat or 6?"

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Wentley posted:

I'm sure she doesn't have the capital to buy a house, start a business (perhaps a cafe) and live a life doing what she wants.

Given that apparently it takes 8-9 pearls just to buy one bow, I have my doubts that what we have right now (28 pearls) is quite enough to set up a cafe and buy a house. Maybe a street stand and a rented apartment.

It's worth noting, though, that for early societies like this? "Palace servant" is actually a pretty drat cushy job for a lot of people. It's not hauling bricks all day, it's relatively well-paid, you get to live in quite a nice place even if your quarters aren't as good as the king's, and you get the social status of being associated with the king. It might be a lower-class sort of job, but it's near the top of the lower-class, and at this point "middle-class" isn't as big a thing as it is now.

That said, I'm speaking in general - Zepath might be a bit different. Diog, refresh my memory - how is the job of "palace servant" considered in Zepathan society?

Edit:

Save Target As posted:

...unless we get an employee discount.

An employee's discount that applies to the employer's daughter sounds...interesting. What kind of business is Tudiya running here?

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

So Azzazzel is the tester and not a evil fallen Melachim. He likes goats, but he isn't an evil devil.

Don't old interpretations of the bible not have an evil Satan? Wasn't satan just a word meaning obstacle/adversity, and angels acting as satan were acting in accordance with god, and not as god's adversary? Azzazzel's role as a tester would fit such an interpretation of satan. I never payed much attention in church, so I could be wrong.

I am trying to figure out some of the history that is inspiring this story, because it might help us out. But I never really understood Dante's Divine Comedy and I have hardly read anything about ancient history. The last history book I read was about glass making in the 3rd century.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


You pick up your old clothes and carry them as well as the rest of your possessions and make for Zepath,walking alongside the river.

By the end of the afternoon you make it to Zepath. A line of farmers and laborers are walking through the gate, exhausted from a hard days work and eager to go to their homes. A merchant caravan also waits to enter, a few men from a neighboring city and their donkeys, loaded with baskets. You join the end of the line with Snarls beside you and wait as the guards lazily wave the people in front of you through the gate. One of the guards yawns and rubs his eyes tiredly. It seems the city gates will be closed for the day soon and you will be the last entrant.

As the last of the donkeys go through and you move to pass through the gate, the two guards who looked half asleep jump to attention. One of them holds their spear out to bar you and the other guard raises his spear and levels it at you.

"Halt Stranger! What business have you in Zepath?"

You recognize them, the same guards who were at the gate late at night when you left, but they... they don't recognize you.

They are used to a child in a common robe alongside Danal with a bushy beard.

You stand 7'3 dressed in the leather skirt of a man of stature with a a braided beard which says the same. In one hand you carry a large an odd looking skull and in the other, carry a savage looking tree branch club which has rather menacing spikes on it, resting upon your shoulder.

They expected farmers and laborers... not you. Several people who have already gone through pause and turn to watch for your response.

1. You....
A. Say "Sorry to be late", lift up the spear and simply walk on in.

B. "Enkidel" and wait for them to let you in.

C. "Enkidel" lift the spear and walk in.

D. "Enkidel of the House of Tudiya" and wait for them to let you in.

E. "Enkidel of the House of Tudiya", lift the spear and walk in.

F. "Enkidel of the line of Zepa by Pledge" and wait for them to let me in.

G. "Enkidel of the line of Zepa by Pledge" lift the spear and walk in.

H. Lift up the jackal skull at eye level in front of them at eye level and say in the most action-hero-esque tone you can muster say "I have business at the Temple of El", then lift up the spear and pass by.

I. H, but wait for them to let you in.

J. Lift up the jackal skull at eye level in front of them at eye level and say in the most action-hero-esque tone you can muster say "El sent me", then lift up the spear and pass by.

K. Lift up the jackal skull at eye level in front of them at eye level and say in the most action-hero-esque tone say "El sent me", then lift up the spear and pass by.

I. K, but wait for them to let you in.

L. Lift up the jackal skull at eye level in front of them at eye level and say in the most action-hero-esque tone say "El", then lift up the spear and pass by.

M. L, but wait for them to let you in.

N. Grin at them and say "It is I, Enkidel. Sorry to tardy to the party" then pat his shoulder and push on.

O. N. Grin at them and say "It is I, Enkidel. Don't spend it all in one place" as you toss him a pearl.

P. "I'm back!" Grin "Did you start the party without me?"

Q. Take your club off of your shoulder and lean on it. Look the guard straight in the eye and in the most menacing tone you can manage say "My business is my own."

R. Take your club off of your shoulder and lean on it. Look the guard straight in the eye and simply stare at him grim and menacing till he moves.

S. Think hard Snarls. Take over. Let your dog handle this momentous decision.

T. Grin. "Don't you recognize me? It is I, Lullaya! Oh wait! Hes a little bitch and couldn't cut it! Tis I, Enkidel!"

U. "Have you heard the good word of Asherah?"

V. In a deadly serious tone lean over your club menacingly "I have come a long way. A very long way. To ask you one simple question and only one simple question. May I borrow a cup of wheat?" Then break down in laughter because you can't keep it in anymore and tell them who you are.

W. Something else. Preferably something badass, stoic or funny, though it need not be. Fill in.





Expect another update later tonight.

Diogines fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 18:59

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Do we know the guards by name or have any stories about them?

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


"You don't remember me? I've been gone like, a month. Seriously, are you getting old?"

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

We will probably have a chance to decide what we sacrifice.

I would like us to use everything except the club (arrow heads) and maybe 8 pearls. We need to learn to fletch or find a fletcher.

I don't want to us to do a Tudiya style offering, start a business, become a goat owner or jump into marrying Naomi. We are 16. Also Tudiya has some sort of 'plan'. We don't need to be wealthy in a merchant sense. It might not even be a good thing. (Greed, donkey riders, etc.)

Azz said if we believe we have received a divine message (storms, hardship, Meriniel, etc.) that it is up to us to figure it out. We have received some sort of message. No idea what sort, though I still feel learning to build large boats and then ships might not be a bad idea.

Interestingly we have already been attempting to train Danal in 'moral fiber' which seems is not such bad training for his Rite. We could add to that learning to hunt. Maybe find a hunter to train with and spend time with Danal doing that. That might give us future offerings and we can bring things to Jalitha to cook for the house, giving us a way to spend time with her.


It also seems likely that people may come at us a bit differently now, some with motive. Bareen comes to mind.

We should just enjoy this now though and see what develops.

Edit: dang it. I keep managing to post just as updates go up.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


quote:

Diog, refresh my memory - how is the job of "palace servant" considered in Zepathan society?

Keep in mind it is not a palace as we think of them today but a rather large, single story home which is richly decorated but nothing like what you consider for medieval european royalty.

Your mother is in an odd position. Women are subordinate to the men in their lives, their fathers, brothers and husbands. She has none of these things here and lacking any male relatives she has more control over her life than she would at home.

As a cook for a wealthy man, she sits above farmers and laborers on the social hierarchy but below craftsmen and artisans. As an apparently excellent cook, she is near the top of the "servant" ladder, perhaps equal to an educated male slave who performs work like record keeping.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

Is G supposed to be spear lifting?

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


College Slice

D and R, say D. "Enkidel of the House of Tudiya", take the club off, stare at them and wait. Short and sweet.

Nettle Soup fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 17:37

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Voting W:

"You are right to speak to me as a stranger, for I am not who I was when I left this place. I am Enkidel of Tudiya's House, and I would make an offering to become known to El and Zepath!" Flourish the skull at this point. "Grant me passage that I may complete my quest!"

After holding this pose for a few seconds, drop the skull and lean in close.

"By the way, how're the wife and kids? Is my mom all right?"

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




I. Lift up the jackal skull at eye level in front of them at eye level and say in the most action-hero-esque tone you can muster say "I have business at the Temple of El", then wait for them to let you in.

Changed vote, see below!

HiHo ChiRho fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 18:11

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


O.

Althair
Jul 26, 2006
words are weapons

D. "Enkidel of the House of Tudiya" and wait for them to let you in.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Tomn posted:

Voting W:

"You are right to speak to me as a stranger, for I am not who I was when I left this place. I am Enkidel of Tudiya's House, and I would make an offering to become known to El and Zepath!" Flourish the skull at this point. "Grant me passage that I may complete my quest!"

After holding this pose for a few seconds, drop the skull and lean in close.

"By the way, how're the wife and kids? Is my mom all right?"


This has my vote.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

W laugh and think to Snarl's: give them a couple of good friendly barks boy. They are likely to recognize Snarl's before they recognize us. Then say: 'we appreciated your sympathetic words when we last departed from Zepath.' Let it dawn on them.

Hopefully stuttering wonderment ensues.

Pat one of them on the shoulder with a chuckle as we pass.

Sogol fucked around with this message at Oct 25, 2013 around 17:33

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


College Slice

Diog, is there any chance that if we're too weird, they'll think we're a demon and run us through? These guys do live in a place often besieged by monsters...

Also, by claiming ourselves of the House of Tudiya, are we claiming close family with him or can servants/slaves say that too?

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Neraren
Sep 15, 2006
Random Nerd #753897

Tomn posted:

Voting W:

"You are right to speak to me as a stranger, for I am not who I was when I left this place. I am Enkidel of Tudiya's House, and I would make an offering to become known to El and Zepath!" Flourish the skull at this point. "Grant me passage that I may complete my quest!"

After holding this pose for a few seconds, drop the skull and lean in close.

"By the way, how're the wife and kids? Is my mom all right?"


I'm OK with this.

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