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Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Theglavwen posted:

Not really sure why it matters either. I'm sure a lot of people, probably even here, have had dads who would fit into the 'rear end in a top hat' category, maybe even dads who, looking back, were legitimately bad guys. Yet I also doubt many of those people, faced with a mob of men who just broke into their house and shot their 'rear end in a top hat' dad in the face, would be ready to go running off with said murdering mob, regardless of whether or not their affectionate nanny was currently suggesting that they do so.

Hey man you seem to have a huge hardon for Jalitha and our Dad so I'd like it if you could just go back over Diog's posts and please point out all the proof that Jalitha is a massively scheming bitch tia

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Disargeria
May 5, 2010


Theglavwen posted:

faced with a mob of men who just broke into their house and shot their 'rear end in a top hat' dad in the face

Yep they sure broke into our house what with all of their hands open and introductions and offering beer and stuff

Ego Trip
Aug 28, 2012


Theglavwen posted:

Not really sure why it matters either. I'm sure a lot of people, probably even here, have had dads who would fit into the 'rear end in a top hat' category, maybe even dads who, looking back, were legitimately bad guys. Yet I also doubt many of those people, faced with a mob of men who just broke into their house and shot their 'rear end in a top hat' dad in the face, would be ready to go running off with said murdering mob, regardless of whether or not their affectionate nanny was currently suggesting that they do so.

If my dad started firing crazy fish lasers at the mob, I'd consider it.

gerg_861
Jan 2, 2009


O.k. - so have I missed something or have we not taken the time to do our research on Asherah previously? Wikipedia is telling me that she was the wife of El, and her title was "she who treads on the sea". I'm thinking that our destiny is to introduce Asherah worship to the El-ites. Perhaps this time we can avoid that whole monotheism thing that worked out so poorly in the last CYOA.

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

Hey man you seem to have a huge hardon for Jalitha and our Dad so I'd like it if you could just go back over Diog's posts and please point out all the proof that Jalitha is a massively scheming bitch tia

Sorry, no? I don't think Jalitha is a massively scheming bitch, for one? Not really sure where you're coming from.

Edit:

Disargeria posted:

Yep they sure broke into our house what with all of their hands open and introductions and offering beer and stuff

Eh, they showed up in our village, refused to leave when told to, offered what we think was 'poison' then tried to kidnap us/a little kid. Close enough from our perspective, I'd say.

Ego Trip posted:

If my dad started firing crazy fish lasers at the mob, I'd consider it.

Really? That'd just endear me more to him

Theglavwen fucked around with this message at May 28, 2013 around 20:17

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


I'm still wondering about one thing, though, why does everyone think that the strangers came to attack us? They seemed interested in trade, as far as I could interpret their actions.

Ego Trip posted:

If my dad started firing crazy fish lasers at the mob, I'd consider it.

*starts firing crazy fish lasers at the mob*

Ego Trip
Aug 28, 2012


my dad posted:

*starts firing crazy fish lasers at the mob*

Already voted H.

Globofglob
Jan 14, 2008


Personally, I can't believe people don't want us to run, wait for the replacement, and get taught to fire crazy fish lasers from him.

Successful Businessmanga
Mar 28, 2010



Globofglob posted:

Personally, I can't believe people don't want us to run, wait for the replacement, and get taught to fire crazy fish lasers from him.

Our dad was the high priest of the largest village on the coast he was clearly the most favored of Asherah and the best to learn crazy fish powers from.

Keep in mind dad removed open palm man's protection his armor is currently rent open for the stabbing! Do the right thing, stab a man. Blood for the fish god. E's for the E throne!

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer

Globofglob posted:

Personally, I can't believe people don't want us to run, wait for the replacement, and get taught to fire crazy fish lasers from him.

Considering crazy fish lasers failed to kill anyone...

Globofglob
Jan 14, 2008


Canuck-Errant posted:

Considering crazy fish lasers failed to kill anyone...

They were really cool though. Why must it be always about killing power? Og needs more style. And lasers=style.

Sucrose
Dec 9, 2009


Meta-gaming a little bit, one reason I want our character to leave (and I think "leave with the person he should have the intelligence to realize is his mother" is a valid reason for an eleven year old to go with her) is because we now know our village is in reach of far more advanced societies. If we can't figure out how to prepare our village for contact with them, the whole village is going to be eventually doomed, as their idea of diplomacy is "wave spears at outsiders and scream at them to leave.". I see us as the person in the best position to someday protect our home village from harm, by learning the ways of the strangers and finding out what they want, learning their language so that we can communicate, and maybe bringing metal or other useful things back someday. If we stay in the village, we may become a powerful fish-priest, but our father was a powerful fish-priest and he still got killed by the strangers. We need to learn about the outside world, because I think the world of the village is about to permanently get a lot bigger.

Ego Trip
Aug 28, 2012


We could pull a Double Reverse Moses. Go learn from mom's people, then come back to dad's, get fish lasers and lead them to victory.

Random Idiot
Mar 15, 2001


Og spent the last few years learning the ways of fishgod. He of all people should really be able to grasp the gravity of what happens when you don't show fishgod his due respect in a proper fashion. Is he really going to stand by and let his village eat the brunt of fishgods wrath for letting these outsiders kill his priest and abduct the next in line? Og is in a unique position to have learned at this early age that what you want and what is best are not always one in the same. Fishpriest felt these outsiders had gone too far, fishgod clearly agrees as he bestowed fish-lightning upon him.

For a kid who finally started taking the spiritual elements of his life seriously, a lot of people are voting for him to forsake them just as it becomes apparent that much of what he has been taught is true.

Globofglob
Jan 14, 2008


Ego Trip posted:

We could pull a Double Reverse Moses. Go learn from mom's people, then come back to dad's, get fish lasers and lead them to victory.

I could get on board with this. But we probably wont be taught fish lasers if we go.

Pochoclo
Feb 4, 2008
I like bread



Clapping Larry

Yeah I VOTE H let's get dad's sacred relic, keep our options open.

We'll die horribly no matter what, so.

rex monday
Jul 9, 2001

Pisk. Pisk. Piiiiiiisk!

Voting for option E. This smiling murderer just killed our father and Ashera's priest. We've learned how to deal with this.

Plus he just killed the guy that could have taught us how to shoot fish lasers. Im pissed.

Squiggly
Jan 25, 2006

I'm Your Huckleberry


H

Tudhalias
Sep 7, 2009


gerg_861 posted:

O.k. - so have I missed something or have we not taken the time to do our research on Asherah previously? Wikipedia is telling me that she was the wife of El, and her title was "she who treads on the sea". I'm thinking that our destiny is to introduce Asherah worship to the El-ites. Perhaps this time we can avoid that whole monotheism thing that worked out so poorly in the last CYOA.

In our world, she was a Canaanite/Syro-Phoenician/likely Paleo-Hebrew goddess worshipped by the Hebrews in the First Temple period, possibly by setting up pole-shrines (Asherah poles). She was the consort of El/Yahweh, and was also probably the Queen of Heaven whose worship Jeremiah inveighs against.

In this world, he's a fish, and we have no reason to believe that that name has any more significance than Diogines thinking it was cool.

However, that does give me a chance to post this:


Edit: also, in the psalms and the book of Job there are traces of an earlier, possibly polytheistic, legend of El/Yahweh defeating the sea monster Leviathan and making its flesh food and its skin a tent for Israel on the Day of Yahweh to come. It possibly has its origins or influence in the myth of Baal-Hadad vs. Yaw, or even Marduk vs. Tiamat. So if we're working off our-world legends, there's just as much reason to think it'll come down to a rumble as to a marriage.
The sea monster consistently loses this fight, by the way.

Tudhalias fucked around with this message at May 28, 2013 around 22:09

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Tudhalias posted:

The sea monster consistently loses this fight, by the way.

Just never had the right High Priest backing it up

Nolaterif
Jan 10, 2003



G. Take the tooth and return to warn the village. Jalitha may or may not be lying, dad might have been (read: was) a bag of dicks, but those dudes clearly killed dad and stuff is seriously messed up. The village is home.

Also F.

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

Assume for a moment that a ten year old boy can successfully fight and kill a fully grown, sword and shield wielding adult, using nothing more than a dinky shark tooth. The same child then has to fight off many-lots of the dead man's friends, who all witnessed the boy's act and who all carry metal spears. Even if that happens, the tribe is still hosed. Its spiritual leader is dead, and the nearest settlement that could provide a replacement priest is weeks away. A month without a leader is a very long time, and if by some miracle our tribe does get a new priest there is no reason to assume the substitute will train us as his successor instead of his own children.

If you're voting E in the hope of someday learning how to fire fish lasers, you're on the wrong path. Fleeing with the tooth and trying to figure out its mysteries by yourself is probably a more fruitful than trying to stay behind in the village.

XOXO
Mar 7, 2013

Ask me about being weaker than a 60 year-old British woman.


Dead Thunder-Dad posted:

"All are consumed by Asherah. Those who please Asherah are reborn as great fish. Those who do not, lesser fish who they are consumed by his hunger."

Voting: because some of us still believe, unlike the rest of you kidnapper-king loving traitors.

DCBomB
Sep 14, 2008




Ashera wgah'n ebumna nafhtagn
uh'e throd ilyaa Ashera ah shugg'bthnk

DCBomB fucked around with this message at May 28, 2013 around 23:21

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Canuck-Errant posted:

If she's lying, why would she have put so much time and effort into being with us, despite all of those beatings?

She probably felt bad for us.
According to Diog (assuming I'm not remembering wrong), our dad is the sole source of beatings in the village, and we are the only 2 recipients.

That, and she lived in our house as the family servant, so she'd have had way more time and opportunity to bond with us, as opposed to the other kids, who shunned us.

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer

the_steve posted:

She probably felt bad for us.
According to Diog (assuming I'm not remembering wrong), our dad is the sole source of beatings in the village, and we are the only 2 recipients.

That, and she lived in our house as the family servant, so she'd have had way more time and opportunity to bond with us, as opposed to the other kids, who shunned us.

...except that she pretty much moved to Jorah's hut after the crippling beating, but still was happy to tell us stories and spend as much time as we wanted with her.

baby picture
Aug 7, 2004

I wish I could press a button and a rope would instantly tie around my ankle and I would be hung out of the highest window of the highest skyscraper in the world

I have to say that I don't think there's an obvious answer here. I think I'm just going to vote Not E.

Edit: I meant "not E" rather than "not D"

baby picture fucked around with this message at May 28, 2013 around 23:22

EVG
Dec 17, 2005

If I Saw It, Here's How It Happened.


I don't know where you are getting the idea that Dad raped Jalitha from. If I remember correctly (and I could be wrong!) we were born 6 months after Jalitha arrived. That means that we are either own mother & fathers son, or Jalitha's son she was pregnant with when she arrived.

The latter makes more sense because again, I think I remember it saying that Jalitha wetnursed us. Women don't just make milk on command, they need to be pregnant/have a baby to make that happen.

I'm on my phone and can't fact check Diog's posts now, but with my belief that she is our mother I will Vote A with the caveat that I beg for the village (or at lease mom and the uncles) be spared the wrath of these strangers.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

Our timeline is constructed by dad for us though, without any independent verification that I know of.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

I guess we never had a mirror to look at ourselves in. I know Og looks different from all the other villagers and is tall, but do we look like a foreigner?

Also, if our dad did not surprise sex Jalitha, then he kidnapped us from Jalitha and she was forced to watch her son be indoctrinated and beaten by a cruel voo doo man.

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer

Incidentally, the current vote count:

H is way ahead at 42 votes, followed by E at 16, G at 12, and A with 11.

Additionally, F got 25 votes, and 52 people used vote icons.

Canuck-Errant fucked around with this message at May 28, 2013 around 23:49

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

Ia-R'lyehl Cihuiha flgagnl id Ia!



. No matter what we do, it seems like our entire world is going to be destroyed - might as well join the winning team.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


You pull away from Jalitha's arms for a moment and grab the giant shark tooth necklace your father wore. You have seen two of your fellow villagers die bloody deaths. You have seen your father shoot lightning, seen his body pierced by spears and yet not bleed and you have seen him decapitated. You have never seen anyone die before, let alone so violently. You have had a grave revelation about who your mother is and seen a great deal occur over a few moments in your young life.

You let out a great wail of grief and grab Jalitha again who also cries as she hugs you.

"Sweetling! Oh my son! Forgive that I did not tell you but if I had it would have meant our lives!" You hold each other and cry, but after a few moments the injured have been tied to the backs of the furry monsters and one of the other outsiders comes over and says something.

"We have to go sweetling, now" Jalitha says, teary eyed. Still crying, you follow at a pace somewhere between a fast walk and a run, the pack animals keeping pace. There are more tremors of the earth, sporadic ones which cause the furry monsters to make strange noises and which cause the trees to shake. Some trees fall as you make your escape but after about twenty minutes you are deeper into the forest. You are still rather upset and cry. You hug Jalitha who hugs you tightly back and tells you "Everything will be alright from now on sweetling, no one else will hurt you."

As you do, the outsiders take the two injured men off of the backs of the furry monsters and set them down. The outsider woman and one of the other men pour something down their throats and after a moments, both of the unconscious men begin to cough. One of the non injured outsiders says something and gives a fake, weak punch into the shoulder of the injured man, all of the outsiders laugh, the two injured men lean up and cough a bit and motion for something. You do not recognize it as such, but it is a waterskin, the two injured men drink whatever is inside of it.

The tall empty handed man who you now know to be "Tudiya" is on one knee and talking to the one child, the boy who came with the outsiders, who might be seven or eight. Tudiya says something, the boy says something back and nods. Tudiya smiles and laughs and hugs the boy, then lets go stands up. Tudiya says something to the woman outsider and she nods and begins to rummage through the leather bags on the backs of the furry monsters, for you have recognized them, by now, to be objects tied to their backs and they are not part of them.

You by this point noticed several things about the outsiders at this time.

They are all very tall, Tudiya is the tallest man you have ever seen and may be seven and a half feet tall and is so heavily muscled he would be able to wrestle even Jorath easily. The other men are all about 7 feet or a few inches shy. The woman outside is about as tall as Jalitha, who was a bit taller than any other woman in your village. These outsiders are enormous.

All of them have fairly short hair, compared to your people. They also all have bushy beards, except for the woman, their beards seem to have been tied with cords or braids.

All of them are much lighter skinned than anyone else you have seen before, except for Jalitha, who has similar coloring. Your skin is dark... but not so dark as the rest of your peoples.

They are wearing much more than any person you have ever seen has worn before. The men of your village wear loin cloths which leave little to the imagination and which leave certain bits to swing in the wind at times. The women of your village go topless, as did Jalitha.

Till now, anyway. The outsider woman is wearing a strange piece of clothing you have never seen before which might be described as a slip or a dress, made out of a material you don't recognize. The outsider woman walks over to Jalitha and hands her a garment. Jalith says "thank you" in the outsider tongue, a phrase you know and places it on. She is now dressed like they are.

One of the other men walk over to Tudiya and say something. You don't understand it, but it seems to be a question, something about El or a child of El maybe? The man gestures at you touches his own hair and says something else. Tudiya nods and walks over to you, the outsider boy is standing next to him, as well as the man who asked Tudiya a question. Tudiya has not changed his odd garments and you would not recognize metal armor as such, but the metal armor he wore beneath his clothing has had a whole burnt clean through by your father's lightning. Some of the man's chest hair has been burned off, but you don't see a scratch on him otherwise. He turns to Jalitha and says something. Jalitha nods and says something back to him which you don't understand, then turns to you, though El was said several times. The man gives you a reassuring smile.







"Sweetling" Jalitha says "This is Tudiya, King of Zepath." The man nods. You may recall the name of the city, it is one of the cities that Jalitha told you stories about. You may recall it was founded by one of the children of the Land Giant Labaras, or maybe one of his grand children or cousins? You can't exactly remember... Jalitha goes on "He says sweetling that the time to cry is over and you need not be afraid because he has saved you and that he did not know he would do so when he left his city, but surely El put wanderlust into his heart to come here. But he says sweetling that-" The man interrupts and says something. Jalitha nods and says something back, then turns back to you. "Sweetling, he says that he has some very important questions for you and I can't help you answer, I can only explain to him what you mean, because he says even though he does not know your words, he is a king and because he is a king, he knows if any person tries to trick him." Tudiya says something else, Jalitha nods. "He asks, have I taught you about El, sweetling?"

You respond...

OPTION A: Say yes, in your native tongue
OPTION B: Say yes, in the outside tongue, it is one of the words you know
OPTION C: Say no, in your native tongue
OPTION D: Say no, in the outside tongue, it is one of the words you know
OPTION E: Shake your head
OPTION F: Nod your head
OPTION G: Ask Jalitha a question(Specify)
OPTION H: Act confused and pretend to not understand
OPTION I: Something else!

MINI VOTE CLOSED! See the next update below

This is a mini vote! We will get another update in an hour or less.

Diogines fucked around with this message at May 29, 2013 around 00:28

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer

.

Let's not play stupid yet. Especially if this dude can tell if we're trying to trick him.

Edit:

Canuck-Errant fucked around with this message at May 29, 2013 around 00:29

Grognan
Jan 23, 2007

Money And Power Through Homicide!



B Yuuuup

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY



Work your way into the inner circle. Then, when you've won his trust...

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

Diog, how much have we learned of El in our time?

Eh, either way,

XOXO
Mar 7, 2013

Ask me about being weaker than a 60 year-old British woman.




She sure did.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002


Uh, did she? More than a couple of fables or stories?

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BoneMonkey
Jul 25, 2008

I am happy for you.



A

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