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Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Yo one of the men is sitting by the camp fire asleep. I don't know the exact lay out of the camp, and asking Diog to draw it out might be a bit too hard.

So here's my vote.

Tell Danal to stay here. We go grab the spear. Then we come back and pass it to Danal. On the way out, we trip and accidentally kick the sleeping man.

This way it doesn't look like

A) We (a wilding) have just taken a spear and are kidnapping the king's son.
B) We're condoning the king's son running off.
C) We're dangerous

While Danal might just stand up for us and say it was all his idea. The adults won't really look fondly upon us for this.

Basically I want a plan that is clear to adults that this is Danal's idea, he took the spear. Also so that we don't ruin our friendship with Danal and we don't get killed by any one in the forest because we're loving bad at this forest lark. Maybe if this was the beach.

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Vavrek
Mar 2, 2013

I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?

Step one: Silently Pray to El for protection.
Step two: C.

Crudus
Nov 14, 2006



Adventure

BeefSupreme
Sep 14, 2007


We're going on a goddamned Adventure.

Xun
Apr 25, 2010

Help I can't get up I'm Gay


H for not get ourselves killed if poo poo goes bad

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Let's stop loving around and have an Adventure!

Squiggly
Jan 25, 2006

I'm Your Huckleberry


A Adventure!

Harime Nui
Apr 15, 2008

The New Insincerity


Option B. Sure this is stupid, but we're bros with Danal now and bros back up bros. Not that his father won't be gutted for the Great Fish one day but that doesn't mean we won't play the part til then. I swear the Grandma lobby gets stronger with every vote.

Flame112
Apr 21, 2011


Adventures, hell yeah!

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009

I GAIN POWER FROM EATING PEOPLE, JUST ASSUME I'M ALWAYS VOTING TO EAT PEOPLE


Nap Ghost

Random Idiot posted:

Look at all of these people who are so terrified of something bad happening that they will vote for the safe and boring option every time. You all need a lesson from Big Teddy R.


J, as a variation on A where we pretend to be Asherah, hunting to satisfy his great hunger.

J, OMNOMNOMNOM

DarkCrawler
Apr 6, 2009


Well, I'm going to choose the realistic option here. Since the character has been demonstrated to be a pussy, he's gonna do the pussy thing and cry for an adult.

His mommy to be specific. Mom! Mom!

Besides, the kid's like five, even if he's pissed he's going to forget about it by morning.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

IT'S TIME FOR AN ADVENTURE MOTHERFUCKERS A

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

B for Bandwagon

Basscop
Jun 4, 2010

Lightnin? HA! Thats a good 'un!
Now why dontcha
come o'er here and
GET

IN

MY

BELLY!!!


R for REPUBLICAN PARTY!

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Basscop posted:

R for REPUBLICAN PARTY!

You are a fish now, Basscop. Go be a fish.

Vagon
Oct 22, 2005

Teehee!


Please don't vote A out of impulse or because of how "awesome" it sounds, guys. Remember: No plot armor. We hear beasts outside of the fire's light. We would be seen as kidnapping the king's son. We would even be stealing a spear and leading him out to the woods in their eyes. And that's best case scenario.

Imagine is he is wounded or killed out there. We're twice his age, we should know better than to do something this foolish. The fault will be on us.


Tell Danal to stay here. We go grab the spear. Then we come back and pass it to Danal. On the way out, we trip and accidentally kick the sleeping man.

Vagon
Oct 22, 2005

Teehee!


Diogines posted:

You are a fish now, Basscop. Go be a fish.

..Wait.. A.. A fish. Basscop is a fish! What if he's THE fish?! It all makes sense now! Praise Ashera! Praise Basscop!

Random Idiot
Mar 15, 2001


Vagon posted:

Please don't vote A out of impulse or because of how "awesome" it sounds, guys. Remember: No plot armor.

Kids around the world don't have plot armor and do reckless poo poo all the time. Way more often than not they are fine and come out of it with good stories and the joy of not being afraid of their own shadows. It's the son of a giant king and acolyte priest of the extremely metal fishgod, they probably aren't going to go out like schmucks.

After Og has established the high church of Asherah upon the smoking ruins of Zepath and is knocking back beers with his new disciple Danal, they will remember the time they forged real bonds of brotherhood during their awesome bush adventure. Plus he might pick up a totally badass scar that all the chicks will dig.

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.


NOT A

I think B makes the most sense here. No way would we want to let our new (first) friend down. After the whirlwind of a day Not Og has had the last thing in the world he'd be gung-ho for is more adventure. Looks like B doesn't really have a chance though so I'll go for the negative to A instead.

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

Ia-R'lyehl Cihuiha flgagnl id Ia!



Random Idiot posted:

Plus he might pick up a totally badass scar that all the chicks will dig.

We already have a totally badass scar that all the chicks will dig! Risking a child's life for the future possibility of poon is wrong and unnecessary. Besides, maybe we'll get a really nasty scar that will scare women away instead.

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004

I love you boy, One Pack, always.


Lipstick Apathy

I blame Diogines for bolding "Adventure".

Random Idiot
Mar 15, 2001


Pththya-lyi posted:

We already have a totally badass scar that all the chicks will dig!

"Yeah, my mom slashed my forehead while trying to cut my hair." doesn't really have the same badass factor as "Yeah, a lion clipped my back as I pulled the prince out of the way. I've been thinking of making a cloak out of the pelt."

As for "But this might endanger a CHILD!!!". It's a story. If the current voting bloc has it's way, this kid is going to be the biggest, wettest blanket to ever live. I'd rather watch him die than grow up never taking a single risk only to suddenly become relevant later when deus ex machina makes it safe and easy.

Diogenes is giving us opportunities for this character to grow and experience things to prepare for the future. I only hope having zero ambition or courage and always hiding behind other people aren't the only character traits we pick up in these formative years.

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

Ia-R'lyehl Cihuiha flgagnl id Ia!



Random Idiot posted:

"Yeah, my mom slashed my forehead while trying to cut my hair." doesn't really have the same badass factor as "Yeah, a lion clipped my back as I pulled the prince out of the way. I've been thinking of making a cloak out of the pelt."

We don't have to tell them how we got the scar: Jalitha is the only other person who knows the truth, and she'll probably go along with it.

EDIT: "Accidentally" alerting the camp is a good option because it establishes us as a hero that relies on cunning rather than muscles. Besides, there will be other opportunities to be a badass, we don't have to take this particular one.

Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2013 around 13:19

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions



Random Idiot posted:

"Yeah, my mom slashed my forehead while trying to cut my hair." doesn't really have the same badass factor as "Yeah, a lion clipped my back as I pulled the prince out of the way. I've been thinking of making a cloak out of the pelt."

As for "But this might endanger a CHILD!!!". It's a story. If the current voting bloc has it's way, this kid is going to be the biggest, wettest blanket to ever live. I'd rather watch him die than grow up never taking a single risk only to suddenly become relevant later when deus ex machina makes it safe and easy.

Diogenes is giving us opportunities for this character to grow and experience things to prepare for the future. I only hope having zero ambition or courage and always hiding behind other people aren't the only character traits we pick up in these formative years.

Au contraire. I plan to vote for badassness whenever possible. But wandering into the woods with the kings only son and heir while we're exhausted/traumatized/in a totally unfamiliar place isn't adventuresome. It's just dumb and will prevent us from doing cooler poo poo later on because nobody trusts us.

Callipygian Weasel
Apr 2, 2010

by Lowtax


Not A. This is not an awesome, badass, or meaningfully courageous thing. This is just a dumb thing.

EVG
Dec 17, 2005

If I Saw It, Here's How It Happened.


Well instead of working I decided to count up some votes! Wheee - I'm CONTRIBUTING!

Let me know if I got you wrong or don't know how to count.

quote:

OPTION A - Are going to be a hero just like Enkidu from your mother's stories! Grab the spear and head off with your new best friend to ADVENTURE!
24 Votes MINUS 7 "Not A" Votes = 17
Zybourne Clock
Nettle Soup
EVG
Globofglob
Paradox Personified
Brian Moser
Deadmeat5150
Schizotek
Greaseman
A RICH WHITE MAN
Jewcoon
maxhush
UppaTree
falcon2424
California Expat
HardDisk
Crudus
BeefSupreme
Outrail
Squiggly
Flame112
paragon1
dog kisser
Greggster


NOT A
Sogol
andrew smash
Vernii
Task Manager
Callipygian Weasel
Watuhboy
Algid


OPTION B - Think this is a terrible idea but you don't want to let Danal down, so you grab the spear and go.
4 Votes
the_steve
Theparker
Piedmon Sama
RandomPauI



OPTION C - Think this is a terrible idea but you don't want to let Danal get hurt and are afraid he will go alone without you, so you grab the spear and go.
9 Votes
Grognan
Obscil
Daned

dyzzy + pray to El for protection
Kira Akashiya
Grizzwold
Natalie Fartman
toxic8aker

Vavrek + Pray to El


OPTION D - Have been served up a chance to avenge your father on a silver platter. It is the middle of the night. You will sneak out with Danal and sacrafice him to Asherah then sneak back into your tent and pretend you never left. No one will know it was you, if they even find Danal at all.
6 Votes
Kristopher
XOXO
A Darker Porpoise
Tsyni
The Bad Llama
rex monday



OPTION E - Shake your head, point to his tent and refuse.
Zero Votes


OPTION F - Pretend to agree but then make a noise by "accident" to wake an adult and get you caught. Ideally they will just think you are talking and you won't get in trouble. You will hope Danal does not realize what you did because he is a little kid.
12 Votes
Althair
SerSpook + If we go into the forest, we must pray to El
HiHo ChiRho
Mexican Deathgasm + I would like to add praying to El to my vote.
GoneWithTheTornado + We should at least pray to El before we start.
Canuck-Errant
Pththya-lyi
Eryxias

Snow Job
baby picture - ""Trip"" over someone while yelling ""Owwwww."" Take care not to land on something sharp and bronze. "
Pochoclo
Beef-Stew



OPTION G - Intentionally and obviously wake an adult - who?
10 Votes, 1 for Mom, 7 for Barkof, 2 for ?
FoxTerrier - Barkof
Genpei Turtle - Barkof
Mr. Wednesday - Barkof
Saturday Mornings - Barkof
oxford_town - Barkof
Deadly Ham Sandwich - Barkof
Walrusmaster - Barkof
DarkCrawler - MOM! MOOOOOM!
Lanky Coconut Tree - Tell Danal to stay here. We go grab the spear. Then we come back and pass it to Danal. On the way out, we trip and accidentally kick the sleeping man.
Vagon - Tell Danal to stay here. We go grab the spear. Then we come back and pass it to Danal. On the way out, we trip and accidentally kick the sleeping man.


OPTION H - Go back to your tent and say nothing.
One Vote
Xun


OPTION I - Say something to Danal. Specify what. Keep it short and simple, if you are lucky, I will translate it into very broken English but you may not be able to say anything at all. Your vocabulary is very limited.
No Votes


OPTION J - Something else. Write in.
6 Votes
Theglavwen - Indicate that the forest seems dangerous and point back to Danal's tent, but if he insists upon going even without us, accidentally wake someone
OhYo - (E: First and foremost: Pray to El for protection.)
Think this is a terrible idea but take the spear (E: give Danal the spear and go) into the forest to see what you can see. Keep Danal 10 paces BEHIND you."

Tudhalias - Shake our head, and pile two things on top of each other. Any two things that come to hand-- a rock and a leaf, a fuzzy-monster turd and a piece of bark, anything. If nothing comes to hand, just scoop up some dirt and shape it into a little hill.
Point at the awesome-cool tower of two things and say ""Baitel!""
Then, a foot or so away, pile another tower of any two things. Point at our second tower and say ""Zelpah!"" Continue piling things on Zelpah. Build Zelpah higher! Ours will be the highest, rockingest Zelpah ever! Better than the real Zelpah, because ours has more moss we scooped off the forest floor! WOW I SURE HOPE DANAL DOESN'T BUILD BAITEL HIGHER THAN ZELPAH!
Motion for him to join in. It is too late for spear tag, but it's never too late to play Legos! "

Random Idiot - J, as a variation on A where we pretend to be Asherah, hunting to satisfy his great hunger.
Slaan - J, OMNOMNOMNOM
Basscop - R for REPUBLICAN PARTY! (You are a fish now, Basscop. Go be a fish.)

EVG fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2013 around 16:07

The Bad Llama
Nov 22, 2004
The coke is just for color...

Voting D

The King killed our father and stole his only son. We can start the vengeance long game by taking his son now. Maybe even take his sons place as well....

GoneWithTheTornado
Mar 27, 2013


Welp, looks like we'll be going on an ADVENTURE after all (goon voters ). We should at least pray to El before we start.

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


As much as I like Asherah, I'm going to go ahead and vote A here. Senseless to kill this kid rather than go on adventures with him!

Greggster
Aug 14, 2010


Come on guys, are we going to be a Sebek, or a Narod?
Vote A for Adventure!

Beef-Stew
Feb 1, 2005
mmmmmmm... Beefy

Wandering into the jungle with no forestry skills is bound to go well! Voting F

bonus hole boy
Aug 28, 2011


Option F and G Split the vote

For me, I'm voting NOT A

rex monday
Jul 9, 2001

Pisk. Pisk. Piiiiiiisk!

According to the popular vote, Og is now completely acclimated to the culture of his kidnappers after half a day. Nevertheless, I'm going to keep voting for revenge options whenever Diogenes makes them available.

Option D

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

This adventure is a dumb idea. I hope we roll a critical success and strengthen our friendship. We will probably just get in trouble. Or worse.

Algid
Oct 9, 2007


Not A

What sort of adventures are we going to be having in a dark forest at night as an eleven year old?

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh


Critical failure, trip over a rock and impale Danal with the spear before even leaving camp.

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords



Og never much cared about what adults thought, but he's always protected other people. This also isn't his first visit to the forest on his own; even if he didn't spend as much time there as we're all wishing he had. He's also a fair hand with a spear from all that spear fishing.

Natalie Fartman
Apr 5, 2013


Changing my vote to F

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer


Spreadsheet is up to date.

Dang, EVG, you didn't have to do a thing, I was already on it - but it's nice to have independent verification

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Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Many thanks to our team of highly trained vote counters! I just finished the update anyway!



"Enkidu and Labaras" you say to Danal with a grin. His eyes light up, he is very happy and perhaps surprised, as if he did not expect you to agree. Your mother has told you stories about heroes your entire life and you have had many dreams about them. Kings are strange and epic figures of legend and now the son of a king, your first and only friend, ever, wants to go be a hero with you!

Of COURSE you agree! You whisper a brief prayer to El as you quietly creep with Danal. You grab the spear. You are used to using a much lighter wooden spear, this spear seems to be made of wood and something else and is much longer and heavier. Still, you are an excellent spear fishermen and if you encounter any rainbow trout, they don't stand a chance! You have never used a spear on anything of the non swimming variety.

Your camp lay in a small clearing and you creep off, Danal beside you, you pass through the trees and then slowly, away from the light of the camp fire. According to your mother's stories, Enkidu was a wild man with great supernatural power, nearly invincible, like Labaras and very strong, tougher than Labaras but much less intelligent. You can't let your namesake down, can you?

Even at night the forest is very noisy with the sounds of birds, bugs and larger things moving through the dark. You do not hear anything big nearby but you periodically hear the scream, roar or call of strange and large animals, far off, the chorus of birds and bugs ceasing for a moment as all goes quiet and then, resuming.


Your heart is...

QUESTION 1

OPTION A. Racing with excitement! You are going to be a hero just like from the stories!

OPTION B. Filled with dread. This is a strange and scary place!

OPTION C. Filled with wonder. You are in a forest similar yet different from where you were born and the symphony of night is strange and fascinating.

OPTION D. Filled with something else. Fill in.


You and Danal are both tall for your age, but you are eleven and he is five or six. Looking back over the day, you saw him ride the donkeys and now understand the concept of riding animals, even if it is new to you. You are unaware of what a horse is, but you have been told stories of heroes riding monsters and on further reflection, Danal spent a portion of the day on your shoulders, slashing at invisible monsters with a stick.

You were probably an imaginary dragon, monster or the like. Well, now, he is creeping beside you and seems excited. The moon is full and high in the sky.

As you creep away, you want Danal...

QUESTION 2

OPTION A. Right next to you, close, so you don't get separated.

OPTION B. In front of you a few steps, so you can see him and thus ensure you don't lose sight of him in the dark.

OPTION C. Behind you a few steps, so any monsters you come upon see you first.

OPTION D. Holding your left hand while you hold the spear in the other, to make sure he can't get lost. This may slow down your monster slaying reaction time a bit if you find one.

OPTION E. On your shoulders, to guarantee you won't get separated as you creep. This will slow you down and make creeping more awkward, but it is the surest way to ensure you won't get separated.


As you creep away, the light of the fire slowly fades away. What are you hoping to do?

QUESTION 3

OPTION A. You want to find a monster and kill it, just like from the stories!

OPTION B. You want to find a maiden in distress to rescue her!

OPTION C. You want to find ancient lost treasure!

OPTION D. You want to find one of the Sky Giants!

OPTION E. You are going to find Enkidu! He must be out here, you are in the forest and he is a wild man! What was his ultimate fate again? Your mother never told you that story.

OPTION F. You want to sacrafice Danal to Asherah.

OPTION G. You want to find the cannibals which were ever present in your mother's stories and slay them!

OPTION H. You just want to walk a bit. You stay within sight of the glow of the campfire.

OPTION I. You have a chance to escape. You try to figure out which way your village was and go home. Or just someplace else. But you want to get away from these people for good. Do you take Danal with you or leave him in the forest?

OPTION J. You have a different motivation. What is it? Fill in.

Diogines fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2013 around 17:15

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