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Random Idiot
Mar 15, 2001


I hate this king more and more every update. Reading peoples minds all willy nilly and now he can't even be bothered to hunt like a man, has to use jedi mind tricks on deer.

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paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

A and C+E

Random Idiot posted:

I hate this king more and more every update. Reading peoples minds all willy nilly and now he can't even be bothered to hunt like a man, has to use jedi mind tricks on deer.

Dude has a lot of people to feed and a pretty easy way to do it. I don't see a problem.

Pochoclo
Feb 4, 2008
I like bread



Clapping Larry

1) D
2) M - whistle at the monster like Tudiya did to the deer. Maybe the monster just wants to hang out and eat some deer with us. Show him the tooth.

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004

I love you boy, One Pack, always.


Lipstick Apathy

Sogol posted:

This is really quite a lot to assume a large wild lizard's ability to distinguish between offered meat and us. Perhaps it prefers live prey? It will be an interesting zoological experiment if it wins.

Very large lizards like the Komodo dragon are quite intelligent. This guy looks bigger. It's not a stretch to assume it can tell the difference.

EXAKT Science
Aug 14, 2012

8 on the Kinsey scale


Voting A and SerSpook's M, with my preference being to protect Danal before Jalitha.

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

Fandom is misery.



I don't know about any lightning ritual, I just picked the tooth because it's freaky sharp.

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Random Idiot posted:

I hate this king more and more every update. Reading peoples minds all willy nilly and now he can't even be bothered to hunt like a man, has to use jedi mind tricks on deer.

You know, I was sort of thinking the same thing. Tudiya's a bit of a dick there. I get that El's real-world analog was all 'beasts of the earth are there just to serve man and be happily eaten' and all, but screw that. I mean, it was probably more peaceful for the deer, so there's that, but it was also pretty much mind-control, deer never stood a chance, and worse, it's cheap hunting, do your work yourself for once, instead of having El hand you everything

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

Well, even though mammal whispering seems to be in his skill set, apparently dragon whispering is not so much.

EVG
Dec 17, 2005

If I Saw It, Here's How It Happened.


OPTION A: Yes! I grab a spear from the back of one of the donkeys!

OPTION E: You have never had a friend in your entire life, till Danal. Yet he has quickly accepted you and befriended like no other person you have ever met in your entire life, has. He is an innocent child. You will protect him. You stand in front of him, to protect him from harm.

baby picture
Aug 7, 2004

I wish I could press a button and a rope would instantly tie around my ankle and I would be hung out of the highest window of the highest skyscraper in the world

SerSpook posted:



We grab a spear (we have more experience with spears) and stand in front of Jalitha. However, we will also call Danal over to protect him, or to help protect Jalitha as well if he so wishes. We can reverse this and call Jalitha while protecting Danal if he is too frightened to come.

Voting for this plan. A and M

HBar
Sep 13, 2007

I LOVE THEM APPLES





Tsyni posted:

Ok, I have a better idea. Let's turn the other cheek on this majestic beast.

D - There's no time to dilly dally!
M - Grab some meat from the fire and rush to the beast before Tudiya and his men can get there. Without making eye contact offer the great lizard some delicious venison.

A giant lizard is cooler than a dog. Let's make a new friend.

(Changing my vote to this, if it wasn't clear)

YES. Changing my vote to

Also, consider that the king may have used his powers to summon the lizard to test us or Danal.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN


HBar posted:

YES. Changing my vote to

Also, consider that the king may have used his powers to summon the lizard to test us or Danal.

Oh man this is actually a really good idea.

Let's get eaten!

My vote is

Paradox Personified
Mar 15, 2010

SoroScrew


Grognan posted:

A and E Protect our friend, no matter what.

Agreed, this is my vote.

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009



It's possible, but i'm inclined to think they've probably all convinced themselves we're just an ignorant savage, like most people are wont to do when they meet an obviously less advanced culture. Especially with Barkof and his "This. is. fire, fire good bullshit", and our incessant questions.

Plus with the fact it sounds like they're going to pawn us off to a fisherman, there's no real indication the king thinks his quest is any more than 'save the woman and child from cannibals, are they safe in my city?, do they worship El? Sweet, next king quest'

....unless we show him we've got something that proves we're not just a dumb kid who thinks he's a hero.....lightning should do the trick?, plus we could always blame El for it

e: admittedly, turning the other cheek would be pretty badass if it worked.

alpaca diseases fucked around with this message at Jun 12, 2013 around 23:08

I ride bikes all day
Sep 10, 2007


I shitposted in the same thread for 2 years and all I got was this red text av. Ask me about my autism!



College Slice

Deadly Ham Sandwich posted:

This child has HERO'S BLOOD running in his veins.

You're talking about Danal, right? Because the child we're playing seems to have 911 operator or perhaps crossing guard written all over him.


edit - On another note, can we modify "write in" votes to where the goon who suggests something, or the keeper of the spreadsheet, also assigns it the next logical letter? So instead of "M" having 50 votes and actually being for 7 different things, we could just have M/N/O/P/Q/R/etc as the thread needs?

I ride bikes all day fucked around with this message at Jun 12, 2013 around 23:05

jazzyhattrick
Jul 1, 2010

Screw you OP, ain't nobody gonna change my avatar.

Throw the spear at the monster's face, our aim is true, we are sure to impress the mighty men.

White Noise Marine
Apr 14, 2010



I vote for SerSpooks plan.

tarepanda
Mar 25, 2011

Living the Dream

jazzyhattrick posted:

Throw the spear at the monster's face, our aim is true, we are sure to impress the mighty men.

Did you see the spear? Can you really throw that?

WhiteOutMouse
Jul 29, 2010

will blow your mind.


I was a bit concerned when we asked to get on the old man's shoulders and he declined saying he is not a donkey. We had the king's son our our shoulders right then, making us a donkey in his eyes. I know we are a crazy naked savage of only 11 years old but we are not getting any respect. It might be from our choices to stay naked and to become a donkey but we had our reasons, let us show them we are someone who demands respect.

I don't know if displaying sudden magic would be wise since a savage donkey who casts lightning would more than likely be put down at the first opportunity instead of being reveared. Using our shark's tooth would have some personal significance and it's quite sharb but we would need to be especially close and it would continue the savage thing.

A, M as per SerSpook. But I would lean more toward standing in front of our friend instead of our mom. We can call her over, she understands our voice well and she is an adult, even if in the moment we use our old tounge she can understand our words and she is mature enough and lived a hard knock life and can actually execute such a demand. Where our 5-year old friend is probably making GBS threads himself. Think of a kid who loves dinosaurs but when he goes to dinosaur-world(tm) and sees the animatronic Trex he starts to cry.

I would say protecting the king's son and the woman this expedition was all about while looking calm and controlled would earn respect. It might even change their mind about making us a fisherman.

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer

Bularin posted:

You're talking about Danal, right? Because the child we're playing seems to have 911 operator or perhaps crossing guard written all over him.


edit - On another note, can we modify "write in" votes to where the goon who suggests something, or the keeper of the spreadsheet, also assigns it the next logical letter? So instead of "M" having 50 votes and actually being for 7 different things, we could just have M/N/O/P/Q/R/etc as the thread needs?

I'm tracking sub-votes for M. Rest assured, the votes are being tallied properly, and I'm pretty sure Diog isn't a Diebold vote-counting machine incapable of creative interpretation.

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

Ia-R'lyehl Cihuiha flgagnl id Ia!



C and H.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

Bularin posted:

You're talking about Danal, right? Because the child we're playing seems to have 911 operator or perhaps crossing guard written all over him.

Hey, we still don't know who our father is. Maybe he was pretty brave.

John Lee
Mar 2, 2013

A time traveling adventure everyone can enjoy


Random Idiot posted:

I hate this king more and more every update. Reading peoples minds all willy nilly and now he can't even be bothered to hunt like a man, has to use jedi mind tricks on deer.

What, you don't like getting all Ford Prefect in your hunting style?

Anyways, my votes are for and . We almost certainly can't be of help, but maybe a pointy stick will keep enemies at bay!

cxp
Mar 27, 2010


Fun Shoe

Serspook's plan. A and M

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


WhiteOutMouse posted:

I don't know if displaying sudden magic would be wise since a savage donkey who casts lightning would more than likely be put down at the first opportunity instead of being reveared.

You know what I'd do if I had a savage donkey that suddenly started shooting lighting out of it's hooves? Not put it down. I'd do lots of things with it but putting it down is probably the last thing I'd think of doing.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Aiming for a morning update.

rex monday
Jul 9, 2001

Pisk. Pisk. Piiiiiiisk!

Voting for maxhush's E&M.

I ride bikes all day
Sep 10, 2007


I shitposted in the same thread for 2 years and all I got was this red text av. Ask me about my autism!



College Slice

Canuck-Errant posted:

I'm tracking sub-votes for M. Rest assured, the votes are being tallied properly, and I'm pretty sure Diog isn't a Diebold vote-counting machine incapable of creative interpretation.

Right-o. Just saw a bunch of "I HATE WRITE INS" on the form, figured I'd offer a possible solution.

DeadlyHamSammich - I'm pretty sure our father was medichlorians.

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS

Grimey Drawer

Bularin posted:

Right-o. Just saw a bunch of "I HATE WRITE INS" on the form, figured I'd offer a possible solution.

DeadlyHamSammich - I'm pretty sure our father was medichlorians.

That was me. I wrote that. It was a joke. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Crudus
Nov 14, 2006



I like Ser Spook's plan, but agree that we should probably do more of the protecting posture in front of Danal. Jalitha is more likely to come to her own senses in a crisis than a five year old boy.

Also, if it's possible, move to put the fire between us and the creature, that way hopefully we get the benefit of any possible aversion to flame without having to sacrifice using a real weapon. If the thing does charge us, plant the butt of the spear in the earth behind us and hold it at an angle forward... the thing might be more pike-like in length for someone of our stature, especially if it was made to be used by a seven foot tall man.

GloriousDemon
May 1, 2009


There's only one way to deal with giant lizards... I say we Goldblum it!
C: Grab that fire!
A: Run like crazy!

GloriousDemon fucked around with this message at Jun 13, 2013 around 05:27

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Voting is closed.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


The donkeys scream in terror and begin to bay and run from the fire, into the forest, but one is caught between two trees and screams and bays wildly. Caught between two trees, because of the large spear on it's back has wedged between them. As you run over to the donkey it kicks wildly, missing your chest with one of it's back hooves by inches, you pull the spear from the donkeys back. It does not thank you, but flees into the forest.

The spear is longer and heavier than the spears you learned to fish with and it is tipped with a hard, shiny stone tip of some sort which you would likely not identity as metal but it is indeed a metal spear tip.

Everything is moving so quickly as the women shriek, the men yell as they charge the monster, swords drawn and spears leveled. You see a terrified look in your mother's eyes and in the eyes of the servant woman. Danal now looks more excited than afraid and yells something which might be encouragement.

You rush to your mother's side and place yourself between her and the fight, less than thirty feet away. You yell to Danal who seems to understand and rushes to your side. The servant woman and your mother each yell a prayer of some sort to El, Danal yells something which might be translated too "Woooo! Go Dad!" You grip your spear tightly and hold it as if you might throw it overhand, out of habit and reflex.





The men pierce the hide of the beast with the spears and swords but draw little blood. Ishamal and Barkof stab their blades into the face of the creature for a moment, it roars in pain, then roars in greater pain when Tudiya grabs one of it's legs in both hands, scream something you cannot understand, then rips the creatures huge limb off at the shoulder with a spray of blood.

Tudiya then stars to beat the creature with it's limb, which must weigh at least a hundred pounds if not more.

Tudiya yells something and Ishamal, the eldest of the group, runs towards you, spear drawn, along with one of the other men whose name you have learned is Lot.

The torrent of blood coming from the creatures lost limb ceases after a moment and tendrils of muscle and bone creep out of the wound and begin to knit themselves together.

You hear something. You turn around to see another large set of eyes glowing red distantly in the forest. Then two more. All of them are coming your way, fast.

You...

Pick three. You can pick one three times if you want. It does not matter which is your first, second or third pick. The options cover several topics and I encourage you to consider spreading out your votes, but you don't have to.

OPTION A Run for your life into the forest, in another direction from the monsters you have seen.

OPTION B Climb a tree.

OPTION C ...and take Danal with you.

OPTION D ...and take your mother with you.

OPTION E Stand your ground and stab at the first monster to get in range.

OPTION F Throw your spear at the first monster to get in range.

OPTION G You are terrified and paralyzed by fear.

OPTION H Yell a prayer to Asherah. For what?

OPTION I Empty your bowels and bladder because you are being charged by several giant monsters and definitely, positively, absolutely, guaranteed, no mistake about it, going to die and are very scared.

OPTION J Scream for help from your mother, Jalitha because you are afraid.

OPTION K Scream for help from Shushem, your father, because you are afraid.

OPTION L Scream for help from your mother, Nami because you are afraid.

OPTION M Scream for help from, Jorah, your uncle, because you are afraid.

OPTION N You are filled with a jumble of emotions and do not know what you feel.

OPTION O You are genuinely not afraid because you are truly certain your god, whoever that is, will protect you.

OPTION P You are genuinely not afraid because you are a child with too little experience to internalize the fact that you are about to die, death and injury only happens to other people or in stories. Not to you.

OPTION Q You yell a prayer to one of the gods of your village, or to an Angel or to Enkidu or Labaras. Which? For what?

OPTION R You yell a prayer to El. For what?

OPTION S Cut your palm with the giant tooth and try imitate what your father did to shoot lightning.

OPTION T Hold the spear out protectively but do not fight.

OPTION U Tell Jalitha and Danal to run.

OPTION V Stop falling. Anyone but Sojenus can vote for this, but I don't see why would since you are not falling.

OPTION W Hold the gate, read the sign more, cut in line, demand a Full Manual or eat the baby.

OPTION X Keep Falling - Only Sojenus can pick this one.

OPTION Y I wanted to get to Z but I ran out of serious options as well as comedy ones, I came up one short. I am acknowledging this and am apologetic and remorseful. Sorry.

OPTION Z Something else. Write in.


This is a good time to remind you that you are an eleven year old boy named Og or Enkidel or both depending on your preferences.

I, Diogenes promise you and swear to El, Denziroh and Asherah that you do not have plot armor. You can die. If you cease to exist, you will probably get the words THE END and nothing more.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

BDC

After that display by Tudiyah, I'm not too concerned about these things being driven back so much as I am about surviving. Motherfucker beat a monster to death with its own leg.

edit: Changing my vote from this.

SerSpook fucked around with this message at Jun 13, 2013 around 16:05

bonus hole boy
Aug 28, 2011


E, P, U

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

T: Stand our ground with our spear at the ready
O: Because god is on our side
U: And we don't want our loved ones to get hurt.

RandomPauI fucked around with this message at Jun 13, 2013 around 16:10

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


U - We don't want our loved ones to die.

O - We are the chosen one.

S - We are the one who burns away the impurities. (By applying the Hercules Hydra-Stump-Torching method to the regrowing pieces of the monster via lightning bolts)

We are also probably going to die, but hey, it's been fun!

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


SerSpook posted:



After that display by Tudiyah, I'm not too concerned about these things being driven back so much as I am about surviving. Motherfucker beat a monster to death with its own leg.

It seems to be very much alive, not bleeding from the wounds and the limb is growing back.

BoyG
Nov 24, 2004


Muldoon

S S S

At worst, nothing will happen. I think at this stage our fate isn't in our hands anyway. At best, we save the day

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my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Diogines posted:

It seems to be very much alive, not bleeding from the wounds and the limb is growing back.

I really wish we grabbed the torch.

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