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Imperialist Dog
Oct 21, 2008

"I think you could better spend your time on finishing your editing before the deadline today."
\


Plan Affi.

At least talk to them. "No cannibals here!I should know!"

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Affi
Dec 18, 2005

Break bread wit the enemy

X GON GIVE IT TO YA


Question for Dio.

Ask Jobe, Danal, Paebel and Gareb about what they think of Plan Affi. (A mixture of reasonable people we respect) (yea we respect Danal, he is clever)

rex monday
Jul 9, 2001

Pisk. Pisk. Piiiiiiisk!

The approach has caused a panic for innocent people and an already tense king. Time to get diplomatic. I vote A+K. Just walk away to show we have no intention of raiding or pulling any bullshit. Also, send a smooth talker like Avram with Jobe along with the banner of El to deliver a nicely worded apology. And a gift worth say 5 pounds of silver to be sacrificed at the Temple of El in Dor.

When you step on somebody else's shoes you don't start bragging and making fun of them for being offended. You apologize and buy them a drink to make up for the honest mistake. Especially when you look like you might be related to the guy that's been making trouble in the bar for the past month.

edit: To be clear, I wouldn't plan to do this to every city that gets it's feathers ruffled along the way but Dor is a neighbor and has been living in fear of a Zepathan outlaw. These are special circumstances.

rex monday fucked around with this message at May 30, 2014 around 16:56

Affi
Dec 18, 2005

Break bread wit the enemy

X GON GIVE IT TO YA


Machisimo culture not-mesapotamia.

John_A_Tallon
Nov 22, 2000

Oh my! Check out that mitre!


rex monday posted:

The approach has caused a panic for innocent people and an already tense king. Time to get diplomatic. I vote A+K. Just walk away to show we have no intention of raiding or pulling any bullshit. Also, send a smooth talker like Avram with Jobe along with the banner of El to deliver a nicely worded apology. And a gift worth say 5 pounds of silver to be sacrificed at the Temple of El in Dor.

When you step on somebody else's shoes you don't start bragging and making fun of them for being offended. You apologize and buy them a drink to make up for the honest mistake. Especially when you look like you might be related to the guy that's been making trouble in the bar for the past month.

edit: To be clear, I wouldn't plan to do this to every city that gets it's feathers ruffled along the way but Dor is a neighbor and has been living in fear of a Zepathan outlaw. These are special circumstances.

I second this approach. A+K, have Jobe make a sacrifice in the Dor temple and let's move on.

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.


rex monday posted:

The approach has caused a panic for innocent people and an already tense king. Time to get diplomatic. I vote A+K. Just walk away to show we have no intention of raiding or pulling any bullshit. Also, send a smooth talker like Avram with Jobe along with the banner of El to deliver a nicely worded apology. And a gift worth say 5 pounds of silver to be sacrificed at the Temple of El in Dor.

When you step on somebody else's shoes you don't start bragging and making fun of them for being offended. You apologize and buy them a drink to make up for the honest mistake. Especially when you look like you might be related to the guy that's been making trouble in the bar for the past month.

edit: To be clear, I wouldn't plan to do this to every city that gets it's feathers ruffled along the way but Dor is a neighbor and has been living in fear of a Zepathan outlaw. These are special circumstances.

I like it! Much better than my suggestion to moon the king and run away. Changing to Plan AK 47 rex monday

hiddenriverninja
May 10, 2013

life is locomotion
keep moving
trust that you'll find your way


voting Plan rex monday

Greggster
Aug 14, 2010


rex monday posted:

The approach has caused a panic for innocent people and an already tense king. Time to get diplomatic. I vote A+K. Just walk away to show we have no intention of raiding or pulling any bullshit. Also, send a smooth talker like Avram with Jobe along with the banner of El to deliver a nicely worded apology. And a gift worth say 5 pounds of silver to be sacrificed at the Temple of El in Dor.

When you step on somebody else's shoes you don't start bragging and making fun of them for being offended. You apologize and buy them a drink to make up for the honest mistake. Especially when you look like you might be related to the guy that's been making trouble in the bar for the past month.

edit: To be clear, I wouldn't plan to do this to every city that gets it's feathers ruffled along the way but Dor is a neighbor and has been living in fear of a Zepathan outlaw. These are special circumstances.

I like this plan, I was going to propose a similar plan, this one will do though since it's essentially what I want us to do.

You make friends by being friendly, not by being a douche. We're not of the line of douchebags, we're the line of ultimate bros!

Affi
Dec 18, 2005

Break bread wit the enemy

X GON GIVE IT TO YA


But we didn't step on anyones toes. The king is being a douchenozzle. I'm not saying be mean to him or insult him. Just don't loving give him gifts. "Oh sorry oh lord here is some silver because I happened to pass by" poo poo.

Much better to be assertive and go "Hey, dude. We're cool people. You shouldn't treat us like poo poo. But whatever. Live and let live. We're going, but I hope to hear an apology next time we pass through. Ya dig?"

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Greggster posted:

I like this plan, I was going to propose a similar plan, this one will do though since it's essentially what I want us to do.

You make friends by being friendly, not by being a douche. We're not of the line of douchebags, we're the line of ultimate bros!

Zepas brothers douched him over to the point he hosed off into hell rather than live near them. And made a pissy monument whining about them FOREVER.

Plan K is totally in line with what the adoptive ancestors would have done

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

Fandom is misery.



Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

Zepas brothers douched him over to the point he hosed off into hell rather than live near them. And made a pissy monument whining about them FOREVER.

Plan K is totally in line with what the adoptive ancestors would have done
Seriously. Do you think Zepa would go "I'm sorry that you're mad at me, do you want my lunch money?"

rex monday
Jul 9, 2001

Pisk. Pisk. Piiiiiiisk!

In case it's not clear, making a grand sacrifice at El's temple is not a gift to the king. It's showing him that we are a group of pious pilgrims led by a dude that can give up a giant sacrifice for the gently caress of it. It shows we are self sufficient and not living off of banditry.

Cathair
Jan 7, 2008


I certainly don't mind setting aside bravado for a better diplomatic result, but that's a bit much. We didn't step on anyone's toes. We didn't make any mistakes. What the hell are we supposed to be apologizing for, exactly?


voting Plan Affi.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

Diogines posted:

Why name Prey?

Ha! I knew this would be Snarl's response.

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

Enkidel has nothing to apologize for and shouldn't try to become friends with a king who threatened to spear him to death. I stand by my plan to give him a reply-of-the-cossacks inspired note and high-tail it out of the area. I'm now considering to tack on a vote to piss in his wine before we gift it.

rex monday
Jul 9, 2001

Pisk. Pisk. Piiiiiiisk!

Cathair posted:

I certainly don't mind setting aside bravado for a better diplomatic result, but that's a bit much. We didn't step on anyone's toes. We didn't make any mistakes. What the hell are we supposed to be apologizing for, exactly?

Panicking their entire city and ruining a day's labor for the farmers and anybody else outside the city. We didn't do it intentionally but we did have this effect. Do you not apologize for the mistakes you make that hurt other people even if you didn't mean to?

Fat Samurai
Feb 16, 2011

To go quickly is foolish. To go slowly is prudent. Not to go; that is wisdom.


rex monday posted:

Panicking their entire city and ruining a day's labor for the farmers and anybody else outside the city. We didn't do it intentionally but we did have this effect. Do you not apologize for the mistakes you make that hurt other people even if you didn't mean to?

They get to see a Minotaur and hopefully not die. How's that for an apology?

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions



rex monday posted:

Panicking their entire city and ruining a day's labor for the farmers and anybody else outside the city. We didn't do it intentionally but we did have this effect. Do you not apologize for the mistakes you make that hurt other people even if you didn't mean to?

If the 'mistake' is my mere existence, then no, I don't really.

Tomn
Aug 23, 2007

And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands


Oh, for heaven's sake.

Voting to organize our Balls into an impromptu synchronized dance number within earshot of the walls of Dor while chanting an Oompa-Loompa song about people who make too many assumptions.

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004

I love you boy, One Pack, always.


Lipstick Apathy

Tomn posted:

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Voting to organize our Balls into an impromptu synchronized dance number within earshot of the walls of Dor while chanting an Oompa-Loompa song about people who make too many assumptions.

I like this except I think we should approach the walls with our balls and simultaneously ejaculate at Dor. Paradoxically, this white wave is the truest sign of our Balls' displeasure.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


Tsyni posted:

I like this except I think we should approach the walls with our balls and simultaneously ejaculate at Dor. Paradoxically, this white wave is the truest sign of our Balls' displeasure.

We already did that last game.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009

Labaras went into the wilds and brought Enkidu food and then, brought him a slave from the Temple of El, to um... shall we say, gentle him.



Smellrose

gently caress this king. He doesn't want to invite us to party, then we will have our own party! Show everyone how Enkidel is baller as gently caress. He knows how to have a good time and makes it rain!

Changing vote to: invite farmers and any who wish to our camp as an apology for scaring them. Let us drink and be merry! Also, check out this Minotaur we captured!

This is an excellent opportunity to use all the drinking game skills we learned from Ishamal.

spacetimecontinuu
Dec 31, 2004


Tomn posted:

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Voting to organize our Balls into an impromptu synchronized dance number within earshot of the walls of Dor while chanting an Oompa-Loompa song about people who make too many assumptions.

this must happen.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

We should not be licking King Dork's boots just because he wants to be a pompous little bitch.
We move on, and we be sure to remember the warm reception when he inevitably needs a favor from Zepath.

Edit: Just to be clear, I place the blame solely on King Dork. The farmers were only doing their civic duty, and if Barkof IS raiding the area, then running first and asking questions later would be the responsible thing for them to do. The King is the one who decided to take this to Shithead level 1.

jng2058
Jul 17, 2010

Power Gamer for Hire


the_steve posted:

We should not be licking King Dork's boots just because he wants to be a pompous little bitch.
We move on, and we be sure to remember the warm reception when he inevitably needs a favor from Zepath.


Problem is, it's not at all inevitable. We've been living in Zepath for years and this is the first I can recall us ever hearing about Dor. Both Ibleam and Tannach are closer and more likely to be called upon for aid, to say nothing of the even bigger cities further towards Baitel. Why would they ever call on Zepath for help?

Besides, if we take it like a bitch we're just going to get more poo poo later down the line. Best thing we can do is demonstrate that we're godly El-loving folk on a legitimate pilgrimage.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012



Grimey Drawer

FoxTerrier posted:

If the 'mistake' is my mere existence, then no, I don't really.

the mistake is not sending jobe and others ahead to warn the farmers. we didn't consider what we would look like, in this area, from a distance

i still say just loving leave though, after we buy some supplies

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Diogines posted:

Barkof had the appearance of being in his early 30s. He was in his late 70s.

There was some discussion about when Tudiya became king relative to Barkof. Tudiya, you recently learned is 128. He became king a decade or two before Barkof was born. The gap in terms of Bloodedness between Barkof and the other Mighty Men is significant. Barkof probably spent most of his life expecting to be King after Tudiya, till Aaron was born... then Danal.

Interesting, so if Tudiya became king at -90 Barkof, then he became king when he was about 38. Do we know if Tudiya's father was king before him? If we assume something similar to our situation, then Tudiya's dad was likely no more than 150 when Tudiya took over, and if they were at all similarly blooded then he was still probably pretty fit, I don't expect Tudiya's going to kick it at 150. So what happened in the meantime? I can buy that his dad's not around anymore at 240, but did he hang around for a while? Were there two Turbo-Mighty dudes hanging around in Zepath for a bunch o' decades, or does a former king take off for Baitel or something when he abdicates? Can we expect Tudiya to keep chilling around, wiping out Minotaur hordes for us even after he's abdicated, or would us becoming king mean Tudiya isn't around any more?

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004

I love you boy, One Pack, always.


Lipstick Apathy

jng2058 posted:

Best thing we can do is demonstrate that we're godly El-loving folk on a legitimate pilgrimage.

Sigh. This breaks my heart. In another life Enkidel would have heaped the dicks of Dor into a mighty pyre, and feasted on its king and mighty men for weeks. Alas.

Tsyni fucked around with this message at May 30, 2014 around 20:20

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree


Tsyni posted:

Sigh. This breaks my heart. In another life Enkidel would have heaped the dicks of Dor into a mighty pyre, and feasted on it's king and mighty men for weeks. Alas.

I think you have that the wrong way round

hollylolly
Jun 5, 2009


At this rate we might as well walk around the city walls praising El and blowing trumpets. Say...seven times?

jng2058
Jul 17, 2010

Power Gamer for Hire


Tsyni posted:

Sigh. This breaks my heart. In another life Enkidel would have heaped the dicks of Dor into a mighty pyre, and feasted on its king and mighty men for weeks. Alas.

Yeah, I was an early Team NOMNOMNOM guy myself. But those days died with Og. We've decided to be Enkidel, so might as well be the best Enkidel we can.

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY

Have our finest craftsmen in the caravan make a huge coffin, then march around the walls with it slung over our shoulder.

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Tsyni posted:

Sigh. This breaks my heart. In another life Enkidel would have heaped the dicks of Dor into a mighty pyre, and feasted on its king and mighty men for weeks. Alas.

Wonder if we would have come into power any faster going the Asherah route, or if we still would have had to wait 40 years for our blood to start 'maturing'. Power seems to develop like wine in this world, maybe Shushem had to be a painfully-immortal thrall for 60 years or so before he could start shooting lightning at dicks. We may have still been going through the same 'You'll learn when you're ready' poo poo, just with an added bonus of BBQ kiddy leg.

I imagine we'd have been in for a pretty rough shock when we inevitably went out into the world to spread the word of Asherah, when we drove our army of monsters against Zepath and had Tudiya shout 90% of us into a fine paste without effort. I don't know if we could have expected to meet them in the same way, El may have the monopoly on straight up brute force, we might have had to come at it from another angle.

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004

I love you boy, One Pack, always.


Lipstick Apathy

Theglavwen posted:

Wonder if we would have come into power any faster going the Asherah route, or if we still would have had to wait 40 years for our blood to start 'maturing'. Power seems to develop like wine in this world, maybe Shushem had to be a painfully-immortal thrall for 60 years or so before he could start shooting lightning at dicks. We may have still been going through the same 'You'll learn when you're ready' poo poo, just with an added bonus of BBQ kiddy leg.

I imagine we'd have been in for a pretty rough shock when we inevitably went out into the world to spread the word of Asherah, when we drove our army of monsters against Zepath and had Tudiya shout 90% of us into a fine paste without effort. I don't know if we could have expected to meet them in the same way, El may have the monopoly on straight up brute force, we might have had to come at it from another angle.

The shock would have been Tudiya's as the paste reformed into a giant fish cock, girthier than all of Zepath, and 1000 tentacles of Eyescream erupted from the river to restrain him. It's not too lateeeee.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Theglavwen posted:

Interesting, so if Tudiya became king at -90 Barkof, then he became king when he was about 38. Do we know if Tudiya's father was king before him? Or does a former king take off for Baitel or something when he abdicates? Can we expect Tudiya to keep chilling around, wiping out Minotaur hordes for us even after he's abdicated, or would us becoming king mean Tudiya isn't around any more?
The exact details of the transition of power are fuzzy. As far as you know, Tudiya's father appointed Tudiya king and then left Zepath for good. Presumably for Mount Har. You don't know his exact age but he was probably about 300 or so? Tudiya obviously does not like to talk about it and how many men are still alive who remember those events well? You could likely get the precise details from the Temple archives in Zepath when you get home.


Affi posted:

Question for Dio.

Ask Jobe, Danal, Paebel and Gareb about what they think of Plan Affi. (A mixture of reasonable people we respect) (yea we respect Danal, he is clever)

Diogines posted:

A comment on plan K, to give you relevant information you know. With your knowledge of the culture of your society as well as it's norms, you understand that when the King of Dor said "kin of Barkof", that term would PROBABLY include any Zepathan. He probably does not mean Uriah, he probably means almost your entire group.

Jobe: "Let's buy our supplies and move on."

Gareb: "As much as I hate to say it, we can't waste weeks hunting our way ahead. We need to buy food, even if our silver goes to a pompous fool."

Danal: "Let's take what we need from the fields and move on, we can leave ample silver, it's fair."

Paebel: "I don't want to stay here any longer than we must, lets just keep going."

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007


Theglavwen posted:

Actually, Can we talk to Uriah at some point about Barkof?
You did so while waiting for Jobe to return.

Theglavwen posted:

I'd specifically like to know how his actions hit his extended family. How did Uriah feel when everything came out, how did Lullaya take it?
Uriah tells you that "We lost our land, most of it and our cattle as well. Lullaya was furious, but we deserved it. We betrayed our city" Uriah says glumly then adds "I will redeem our family when we take Barkof's head."

You know that after Barkof's betrayal most of the land and flocks of his extended family was seized by Tudiya. Much of it he redistributed among the elites of Zepath. Much of it he sold and gave the proceeds from the sale to El's temple. A small portion was used for other purposes. A portion of it was also used to repair damage to the city and provide for the families of the men who fought against Bareen in the temple, but died. A portion to reward the handful of foreign adventurers loyal to El who fought. A portion was also used to support new widows and orphans created by the fight.

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords

+ Send Jobe to make a sacrifice + send Gareb with Avram + have Avram invite everyone to a feast when he's shopping + keep moving and have Avram catch up with us.

I know a lot of goons want to take a swing at him, and some of those suggestions have been pretty classy. The best way to poke this guy in the eye is by being a nicer guy than he is. We should send Jobe with monster bits to make a sacrifice in the King of Dor's name. Have Jobe praise the King's kindness, generosity, and piousness in allowing holy pilgrims to camp two days beyond his walls and buy food from his El blessed fields.

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Diogines posted:

The exact details of the transition of power are fuzzy. As far as you know, Tudiya's father appointed Tudiya king and then left Zepath for good. Presumably for Mount Har. You don't know his exact age but he was probably about 300 or so? Tudiya obviously does not like to talk about it and how many men are still alive who remember those events well? You could likely get the precise details from the Temple archives in Zepath when you get home.

Woah, so 'Grandpa' didn't even have Tudiya until he was ~260, Tudiya's ahead of the game! Hopefully that means he'll still be kicking rear end with/under us for some time.


Diogines posted:

You did so while waiting for Jobe to return.

Uriah tells you that "We lost our land, most of it and our cattle as well. Lullaya was furious, but we deserved it. We betrayed our city" Uriah says glumly then adds "I will redeem our family when we take Barkof's head."

Ask Uriah (if it's not too touchy, be delicate about it) how well known amongst his family was Barkof's 'tendencies'. Was he obviously worshipping the Melachim, or did this come as a shock to everyone? Did it seem like he had ulterior motives?

I ride bikes all day
Sep 10, 2007


I shitposted in the same thread for 2 years and all I got was this red text av. Ask me about my autism!



College Slice

Affi posted:

edit: Even if it is just for one night, camp there, show him he isn't our boss. And show him that we can be more civilized then he.

While camping outside of the city, Avram can enter and buy us supplies.


In fact.
We can easily guilt the king into looking bad. We stay out of the city, Barkofs nephew stays out of the city. A few/lots of balls enter and spread some money around, spread stories of our goodness and piety. We make him look bad.

Come on guys, this is our chance to make a king look bad and show him he isn't our boss. Don't over think it, just do it.

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jazzyhattrick
Jul 1, 2010

Screw you OP, ain't nobody gonna change my avatar.

Ask Uriah: "When we are older and have become strong enough to be a match for Barkof, do you want to be the one to take him down?"

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