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Hellsau
Jan 14, 2010

NEVER FUCKING TAKE A NIGHT OFF CLAN WARS.
Swapping from T to Q. Maybe we'll get lucky with one of the doors.

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Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004
Lipstick Apathy

Mr. Nemo posted:

Wtf? We figured out we can get it. We also know with Jriah here we could probably do it faster. Doing it the slow way is stupid and lmfao worthy. Keep laughing st us wanting to be efficient if it makes. You happy :shrug:

Are we going to go to each level again with Uriah? That sounds great to me. Maybe it can be streamlined somehow.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Uriah would vote for U if he were awake. :colbert:

Hellsau
Jan 14, 2010

NEVER FUCKING TAKE A NIGHT OFF CLAN WARS.

the_steve posted:

Uriah would vote for U if he were awake. :colbert:

Uriah only gets one vote though.

vorebane
Feb 2, 2009

"I like Ur and Kavodel and Enki being nice to people for some reason."

Wrong Voter amongst wrong voters
Sandals, change shape to one ideal for kicking through this specific very durable gate. The sandals seem capable of making that kind of decision from what I remember?

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

I wish I had a sister like my big strong Daddy :(

Tsyni posted:

Are we going to go to each level again with Uriah? That sounds great to me. Maybe it can be streamlined somehow.

Yes? If any floor has writing or requires our combined strength we should come back later with Uriah. It doesn’t seem that hard to grasp tbh.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Mr. Nemo posted:

Yes? If any floor has writing or requires our combined strength we should come back later with Uriah. It doesn’t seem that hard to grasp tbh.

At some point, Uriah is going to tell us to gently caress off.
He does have lines, and we've come pretty close to crossing a few, like trying to scale the tower exterior with him.
No matter how loyal he is to us and how solid a bro he is, there will be a point where he's gonna lose his poo poo (again) over our uncontrollable compulsion to examine every line of mortar for the +5 Laser Bow we think we're going to find or risk losing forever.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

You are able to make a hardened edge at the edge of your sandals which helps a bit in focusing as much power as possible onto a single point on the bars. The end result is little different than your prior kicks, the bars are very, very hard.

Toughy
Nov 29, 2004

KAVODEL! KAVODEL!

Ok what about a running start? Like sprint as fast as we can and harden our shoulder at impact? Is there enough room to get up to full speed?

Cornuto
Jun 26, 2012

For the pack!

the_steve posted:

At some point, Uriah is going to tell us to gently caress off.
He does have lines, and we've come pretty close to crossing a few, like trying to scale the tower exterior with him.
No matter how loyal he is to us and how solid a bro he is, there will be a point where he's gonna lose his poo poo (again) over our uncontrollable compulsion to examine every line of mortar for the +5 Laser Bow we think we're going to find or risk losing forever.

There surely is nothing magical or mysterious to find in this giant tower that predates our civilizations, is constructed of divine stone, creates its own water, is lit by floating lights that have never dimmed, contains texts of times long gone, contains workshops with unknown tools, idols to gods past and present, and has gates and guardians standing watch.

What fools are we for exploring this barren land.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Toughy posted:

Ok what about a running start? Like sprint as fast as we can and harden our shoulder at impact? Is there enough room to get up to full speed?
Your efforts to break it open include Enkidel's very best effort to do so by using brute force.

TK-42-1
Oct 30, 2013

looks like we have a bad transmitter



Diogines posted:

Your efforts to break it open include Enkidel's very best effort to do so by using brute force.

Yeah but, and hear me out, we try harder

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004
Lipstick Apathy

Mr. Nemo posted:

Yes? If any floor has writing or requires our combined strength we should come back later with Uriah. It doesn’t seem that hard to grasp tbh.

I agree we should, lmfao...

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

TK-42-1 posted:

Yeah but, and hear me out, we try harder

You have kicked it as hard as you can

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Cornuto posted:

There surely is nothing magical or mysterious to find in this giant tower that predates our civilizations, is constructed of divine stone, creates its own water, is lit by floating lights that have never dimmed, contains texts of times long gone, contains workshops with unknown tools, idols to gods past and present, and has gates and guardians standing watch.

What fools are we for exploring this barren land.

And are we actually going to do what it takes to get to it?
Are we going to SandalWalk our way to the very top? Are we going to fight our way through the Battle Tower?
Or are we going to spend every update cycle kicking at a door we can't break down until Uriah wakes up so we can pressgang him into wearing himself out with his new Power Word again so we can REALLY kick the solid door?
Are we going to keep poking and prodding and begging Diog to just let us Take 20 on the investigation roll because we're all sick of not being able to solve the puzzle but we refuse to leave without something more magical and arcane than telescopes, microscopes and screws?

We are never going to vote on the option that actually gets us to the magical poo poo because as soon as we try, Uriah is going to balk and we'll give up on the idea after 5 rounds of trying to Goon Lawyer him into it fail.

Cornuto
Jun 26, 2012

For the pack!

Given our current situation you may consider adapting this masterwork next.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

the_steve posted:

Are we going to keep poking and prodding and begging Diog to just let us Take 20 on the investigation roll because we're all sick of not being able to solve the puzzle but we refuse to leave without something more magical and arcane than telescopes, microscopes and screws?

That idea assumes there is a puzzle to solve. Ur does not work like that. Enkidel snuck into a giant tower of Weird Stuff and now you've been investigating some of it. To assume there is a Single McGuffin that you just need to find implies there is a plan or way you are SUPPOSED to go in here. This place.is enormous, there is a lot of stuff in here. You are here because you decided to be, the tower and it's contents would be here regardless, there are other routes you could have taken to the grasslands in which case you'd never have entered here at all.

Also...

1. The Capybaras will die of strain and boredom if they ran you through this whole place all at once. I am guessing boredom first before strain as they write a novel.
2. They can't decide how you interpret the odd stuff you find and what you want to do with it. Finding out what an Embigening Tube was, for example, was not at all obvious from entering that floor, what if you decided not to mess with it, fearing it might be trapped or dangerous or forbidden or something?

Our original hope had been to do quick updates every day or two, that didn't work out.

The next update should be up tonight or tomorrow night.

Diogines fucked around with this message at 15:43 on Apr 24, 2019

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva

Cornuto posted:

Given our current situation you may consider adapting this masterwork next.


Carrine Tower of Trials
*kicks & punches backwards out of the trial, breaking fingat & knocking out Uriah*

Victis
Mar 26, 2008

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Carrine Tower of Trials
*kicks & punches backwards out of the trial, breaking fingat & knocking out Uriah*

My favorite part was Uriah yelling at us for not just killing the stupid squirrel right away

ThatBasqueGuy
Feb 14, 2013

someone introduce jojo to lazyb


Diog, is us using our sandals as a weird morphing extension of our muscle kung fu a confirmed fighting style or would it be something we'd have to practice? I'm not joking, I legitimately think kicking with our sandals if we can incorporate their powers is our most potent one on one close range weapon.

Zodiac5000
Jun 19, 2006

Protects the Pack!

Doctor Rope
My concern there is that it draws attention to the sandals, which we don't want to do, and why would our sandals provide benefit to the many other weapons we have on us at all times? We also don't have any special muscle kung-fu either, we've never really spent significant time training unarmed, so we probably know the bare minimum 'this is how to throw a punch without breaking your fist' and figured the rest out on our own.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

In the sorts of battles you have encountered I can't think of one off the top of my head where changing your shoe shape would have given any meaningful advantage.

Basscop
Jun 4, 2010

Lightnin? HA! Thats a good 'un!
Now why dontcha
come o'er here and
GET

IN

MY

BELLY!!!

Diogines posted:

In the sorts of battles you have encountered I can't think of one off the top of my head where changing your shoe shape would have given any meaningful advantage.

Ok i'm now in support of a dance battle just to cross this one off the list

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?


Having our sandals turn into spikes seems rather pointless when just normally kicking/punching is already enough to turn whatever we hit into a fine mist unless they're a boss-tier enemy in which case it also seems pretty useless. Not to mention the fact that we have weapons for fighting with that are even more effective than our feet.

Cornuto
Jun 26, 2012

For the pack!
"Sadals, take the shape of a faraday cage."

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007
Can we freeze and heat the bars over and over?

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

The flames you can mystically produce are not especially hot. You cannot shoot Frost balls, you can create ice if you have water, or very small quantities without. Given the available resources on hand it would be roughly as equally effective to hold a torch against it and then pour cold water on it. Which is to say, as you are and experienced metalworker, you know that this would not work.

Olothreutes
Mar 31, 2007

Diogines posted:

The flames you can mystically produce are not especially hot. You cannot shoot Frost balls, you can create ice if you have water, or very small quantities without. Given the available resources on hand it would be roughly as equally effective to hold a torch against it and then pour cold water on it. Which is to say, as you are and experienced metalworker, you know that this would not work.

Ok, but I would like to expose the grate to flames, if we have a torch with us or whatever. As an experienced metalworker we should know roughly how fast metal heats up? Does this metal heat up faster than we expect a metal would? Or much more slowly?

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006

Strength of >800 Men
Honor of 0
Grimey Drawer
You know, that's a good point.
Maybe these ancient people just didnt open doors the same way we do?

Try to slide the doors to the side, or to pull them back instead of pushing them in. Failing that, look for handles that arent even on the door. Maybe there is one nearby instead? Like a lever?

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?


Olothreutes posted:

Ok, but I would like to expose the grate to flames, if we have a torch with us or whatever. As an experienced metalworker we should know roughly how fast metal heats up? Does this metal heat up faster than we expect a metal would? Or much more slowly?

Lol now I'm picturing Enkidel spending the rest of the day roaming around the tower with a torch frantically calculating the specific heat of all the new materials he finds

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

I wish I had a sister like my big strong Daddy :(
We are on a high floor right? Can’t we tie a chain to the grate and then jump into the hole below?

GERONIMOOOOOOO

Come on Diog, let’s try ittt

TK-42-1
Oct 30, 2013

looks like we have a bad transmitter



Mr. Nemo posted:

We are on a high floor right? Can’t we tie a chain to the grate and then jump into the hole below?

GERONIMOOOOOOO

Come on Diog, let’s try ittt

Uriah wakes up from a deep and dreamless slumber. His bones ache as if he hasn't slept in months. Rubbing his scalp he glances around the room and immediately begins to worry. "Enkidel? Hey! Dumbass! Where are you?" There's a slight creaking sound from out in the main chamber. A stifled cough wafts its way through the air as Uriah's anxiety waxes. He steps out of the archway to see his best friend and leader hanging from a rope that goes up a few floors and over the edge, presumably secured to something out of sight. Enkidel's belt sword and the contents of his pack are scattered on the floor about 20 feet below his slowly twisting body, the rope secured around his chest and hips in an intricate and poorly thought out harness. As he finishes the slow spin and comes face to face with Uriah some distance below him he clears his throat and meekly says,

"Yeah. So. Little help?"

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Voting is closed.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

Basscop posted:

Ok i'm now in support of a dance battle just to cross this one off the list

We need a dance teacher. Someone to show us popular dances.

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.

TK-42-1 posted:

Uriah wakes up from a deep and dreamless slumber. His bones ache as if he hasn't slept in months. Rubbing his scalp he glances around the room and immediately begins to worry. "Enkidel? Hey! Dumbass! Where are you?" There's a slight creaking sound from out in the main chamber. A stifled cough wafts its way through the air as Uriah's anxiety waxes. He steps out of the archway to see his best friend and leader hanging from a rope that goes up a few floors and over the edge, presumably secured to something out of sight. Enkidel's belt sword and the contents of his pack are scattered on the floor about 20 feet below his slowly twisting body, the rope secured around his chest and hips in an intricate and poorly thought out harness. As he finishes the slow spin and comes face to face with Uriah some distance below him he clears his throat and meekly says,

"Yeah. So. Little help?"

not empty quoting

Olothreutes
Mar 31, 2007

TK-42-1 posted:

Uriah wakes up from a deep and dreamless slumber. His bones ache as if he hasn't slept in months. Rubbing his scalp he glances around the room and immediately begins to worry. "Enkidel? Hey! Dumbass! Where are you?" There's a slight creaking sound from out in the main chamber. A stifled cough wafts its way through the air as Uriah's anxiety waxes. He steps out of the archway to see his best friend and leader hanging from a rope that goes up a few floors and over the edge, presumably secured to something out of sight. Enkidel's belt sword and the contents of his pack are scattered on the floor about 20 feet below his slowly twisting body, the rope secured around his chest and hips in an intricate and poorly thought out harness. As he finishes the slow spin and comes face to face with Uriah some distance below him he clears his throat and meekly says,

"Yeah. So. Little help?"

This is amazing. In my head it works very much like that scene with Surtr in Thor ragnarok.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

I wish I had a sister like my big strong Daddy :(

Diogines posted:

Voting is closed.

I know my suggestion came at the last second, but I’m glad you recognized it’s wisdom and made it win.

TK-42-1
Oct 30, 2013

looks like we have a bad transmitter



Olothreutes posted:

This is amazing. In my head it works very much like that scene with Surtr in Thor ragnarok.

I was going to post a gif of that but got called away from my desk.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

The next update will be tomorrow.

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Question Time
Sep 12, 2010



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