Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens - Choose Your Own Adventure

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens - Choose Your Own Adventure

«‹›9 »

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

No no no! You people are insane. These assholes came into our village, fed our dad poison, and then beheaded him.

They beheaded our dad! The dude who protects the village, and Jorah, and Pagam, and Mom, and everyone we have ever known and loved (except Jalitha) from the wrath of Asherah. They just straight up killed him. We didn't come to them, they came to us.

We KNOW Asherah exists. We heard him when we were drowning and we just saw him smite a couple of dudes. We know that Jalitha can't really be trusted. She's either our mom or not, which means she's either been lying up until this point or that she's lying now. Asherah has never lied to us.

What we need to do is to unite the villages of true Asherah believers and then overthrow these arrogant, poison-feeding lunatics with their non-existant sky-giants and water-spears and show them what happens when you poison and then behead OUR DAD. Warlord style!

And the first step in that direction is to

Vote Grab the tooth, stab the murderer, then run

# ¿ May 28, 2013 04:21

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 18:48

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Minivote: I will name him Jorah, because he could beat up anyone, yet he beat up no one.

EDIT: For us, this makes perfect sense: From being beaten by our "father" to seeking refuge with the (obviously stronger) Jorah, via us being raised in a religion where the definition of grace was god staying his hand and not smiting you. If there is any dishonour in having a dog named after you, we don't know it. We've never seen one; A puppy is a mighty beast!

Jesus is colourblin fucked around with this message at 02:14 on Jun 1, 2013

# ¿ Jun 1, 2013 02:00

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

FoxTerrier posted:

M is getting a surprising amount of votes, so changing my second vote from J to .

My first vote remains NOT A.

What can I say, I'm curious as hell about how Diog would write an epic revenge drama.

All that needs to be said. Just because we don't have plot-amour doesn't mean we should put on the fun-armour.

NOT A
+
M

# ¿ Jun 4, 2013 11:27

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Diogines posted:

OPTION A: Indicate by gestures that you are tired and need to sleep, right here. You are just too tired, you can't go on. Ishamal being a hero will probably handle whatever needs to be done as a consequence of this decision.

OPTION B: You indicate by gestures that you want Ishamal to carry you. This is not exactly her-*YAWN*- heroic conduct but you just can't keep going and want to be reunited with the others as soon as possible.

OPTION C: You are Enkidel and Enkidu has done far greater things in the stories you know of him. He slew mighty beasts and walked across endless sands! Push on and try to make it, dropping along the way if you must.

OPTION D: You are Og of the People and you will not shame them by just giving up. Push ahead as best you can, dropping if you must.

OPTION E: Ishamal just did... whatever the hell he just did. What the hell DID he just do anyway? That is a good question. You don't want to embarrass yourself by giving up in front of him. You want to BE like him! He would never give up so you won't either! Keep going!

OPTION F: MOTHER! She must be terrified about what happened to you, or worse, she may be in danger! And Danal too! You HAVE to get back to them right away! You MUST! In fact, you dig deep and try to speed up!

OPTION G: You keep going but you have another motivation not mentioned or want to highlight a nuisance. Don't worry about splitting the vote.

OPTION H: You are convinced at this point that seeking more than mortal aid for your problems is the way to go. Pray for the energy to go on-to who?

As with some other votes, some options have similar actions but different motivations. Similar actions might be counted together if combined they have a majority and your motivations and beliefs worked out after.

Additionally, do you gesture to ask for Ishamal's cloak? You are cold and wet and it would help keep you warmer and dryer.

OPTION I: No, because heroes don't get cold and you are a hero. Kinda. Or will be. Definitely! You are already on your way there! First flying lesson already! You will tough it out.

OPTION J: You are not a hero, you are a child. You are cold and tired and a little scared and in a strange place away from everything you know and just want someone to comfort you and make it all better. If the only comfort you can get right now is to be a little warmer, you will most certainly take it. You are cold! You ask for his cloak. No one else has any outrageous expectations for you and no one thinks you are a hero, who are you bothering to pretend for?

OPTION K: No, because Ishamal is an old man and he needs it more than you do.

OPTION L: No, because you hate him, an Outsider and want nothing from him.

OPTION M: Yes, because you hate him, an Outsider and want him to freeze.

OPTION N: Yes, for a different reason, fill in.

OPTION O: No, for a different reason, fill in.

OPTION P An answer to BOTH questions. This is simply too much for you. You walked for a full day with someone else on your shoulders for a good part of it. You flew. You felt impossible hunger and tried to resist it. You took a fall that should have killed you. You are wet. You are tired. You are a bit scared and you are overwhelmed. You can't handle all of this. You don't even gesture that you need to stop, you simply take a few uneasy steps and sit down beneath a tree and are asleep before you even have time to close your eyes.

Voting E+J.

THIS loving GUY.

He is awesome. He saved our life when even the king couldn't or wouldn't. If he knew how to get us out of whatever the hell that situation was, he's got all the answers. Let's be like this guy.

Not today though. We are a child. And panicked. And in shock. And probably an orphan.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2013 22:12

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

I love leaving this thread for weeks and then just chowing down like a glutton.

Zepath re-entry song suggestion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTb5Jue0Yxg

# ¿ Oct 25, 2013 03:17

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

D

We have contacts in Tanaach. Adventure!

Let's get an idea of how far/short our name/family/ghastly brown visage will carry us. If not for anything but a hearty meal at the guy whose life we saved's house, it's about time we knew a thing or two about civilisation beyond Zepath. Even if the trip should turn out a completely foreskinless waste of calories, there will be plenty of time left for some kind of suicide squad shenanigans at the end of it.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2014 09:57

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

A

Look, the deal lost its immutability when Tudya renegotiated it. Within the original parameters we'd have 150 forskins now. If we accept that Tudya can change the rules, we accept that we've completed the bride price now.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2014 03:03

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Chiming in slightly drunk to applaud whoever first suggested naming our band "The Balls of Labaras". All this talk of our Balls is good stuff. I don't mean to sound condescending, it really is. Simple pleasures in a complicated thread.

Also putting whatever weight this post has behind getting serious about drumming up the cash for a nice house/villa/mansion and some servants and poo poo. We are literally royalty, and so is our very soon to be wife.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2014 06:51

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

vote Not getting sterilized

Dreams are not final. Ishamal is not final, even though he's doing a very good impression thereof.

Snipping might be final. Just because someone, anyone, said so is not a good enough reason.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2014 06:52

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

B
H
R

DCBomB posted:

Do you like surveys? Of course you do!

This here is Round 2, in which we start getting data that can be plotted over time! It's been a whole month since the first one and quite a few game-changing things have happened, so it seemed like a good time to test the waters again.

This iteration of the survey will be open for awhile as well, though I'm not entirely sure how long. I suspect it will remain open for at most three days but it could happen tomorrow, so why wait?

Looking forward to all your responses and don't forget to breathe?
Click Here for the survey!

Am I voting on how I feel about all these characters as "people" or how I feel about them as characters within the story? Because there are a couple I love as story devices partly because I hate absolutely their guts, and I cannot, CAN NOT, abide sloppy stats.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2014 09:01

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Seldom voter/compulsive reader checking in to say that the pacing in this CYOA, while not ideal to my selfish needs, is pretty remarkable considering that Diog (apparently) is a person with an actual life somewhere. The few times I've been frustrated has mostly been because of lack of updates, not uninteresting updates, but that's just me taking a free thing that a dope person does on the internet for granted.

Bottom line, and I dare say I'm talking for quite a few lurkers here: Game's dope. Keep it up. Pacing's insane fast compared to anything it feels natural to compare this to.

# ¿ Mar 14, 2014 03:20

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

A -> I -> B

Cornerstone of merry fighting men, cornerstone of civilisation, cornerstone of a healthy marriage. In that order.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2014 09:31

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

B

El is all. There can be no doubt.

I love this game.

# ¿ Mar 26, 2014 07:53

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

G

C'mon, Enkidel. We used to be cool. Lets just stop by and visit. Might even get some intel there, which would be doing the mission above and beyond.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2014 04:25

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

2 : Plan Maxhush minus the Ibleam bit

3: YYY

One of these days the only thing standing between us and poo poo creek will the working man, instead of it being the other way around. I really, really think so. Getting to know what their life is like AND showing them we're humble before El is a two-fer. Let's work our rear end off and get some calluses.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2014 07:13

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Voting

B

Having the weakest link be our brother and repsonsibility is just bad monster hunting, but more importantly (because I think we could probably handle the bad monster hunting in question) it's important to teach Danal, of all people, the importance of earning stuff. I'm not too worried about the feelings of our balls, especially the non-blooded ones. It's not like they don't know Danal is literally better than them. It's a given in this society.

I wanted Danal to win.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2014 04:01

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

In other cirumstances, Naomis response might've seemed a bit weird, but let's not forget we are her eight foot six demon-ripping husband asking her this AND her giant god-king dad has been exploding monsters with holy words she can't hear for as long as she's lived. This child stuff's only weird compared to things other than Naomi's life, really.

Jesus is colourblin fucked around with this message at 03:40 on Apr 21, 2014

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 03:37

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

1. B

Let's do it right, without going overboard.

2. Asahel

I'm guessing our religious education bonus would have told us by now is this is heresy. Assuming it isn't, it's a no brainer.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2014 05:34

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Vagon posted:

1. A
2. O

Don't ruin this for him.

Seconded

That's all there is to this one.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2014 07:59

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

(Not a change. First vote)

1. C

4. BFG

I'm beginning to dig this whole "humility is not a virtue" thing. Dressing up our princess wife in monster trophies? Ballin.

# ¿ May 7, 2014 02:42

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

No votes, just pumping my fist because our lil bro is frickin awesome. As is this thread and the insane person who made it happen. Thank you, Diog.

# ¿ May 20, 2014 05:23

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

JT Jag posted:

Hey guys

I dunno, but I think Danal will be fit to fight on the front lines with the Balls now.

Well duh. He's a man now. If he dies it's on him.

# ¿ May 20, 2014 06:00

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

No on boxquest.

No on paying a merchant to leech off our awesomeness and glory. He should be paying us for the advertisting.

# ¿ May 22, 2014 16:59

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Arkanomen posted:

C H L R Money is a matter for merchants and kings. We will do the work of El and he will protect and provide.

+1

Team Heart Full of El represent.

# ¿ May 23, 2014 16:47

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

1: abstain

2: H General vote in favor in the general direction "letting these heretics know that they're about to get smote for burning the temple". Wording, schmording. If they want to cower and make some ridiculous claim of innocence they have a few hundred yards of charging, godsent murder to do so. Today, we are the Fist of El. This is literally the greatest honor of our life so far.

3: I Helmets protects heads. Heads contain brains. Helmets also conceals faces. The fist of El is not a face, it's an inevitability.

Jesus is colourblin fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Jun 2, 2014

# ¿ Jun 2, 2014 06:12

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

B

Abstain on the question.

# ¿ Jun 4, 2014 03:54

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Diogines posted:

A soldier is a person who trains to fight all of the time and then wastes his life fighting petty battles for kings who spend their wealth fighting over pointless nonsense.

I love our upbringing.

# ¿ Jun 5, 2014 03:46

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

EDIT: Plan SerSpook

EDITagain: I also just want to point out that presenting ourselves as pious and good is important, but we should also keep everything that has to do with killing the prince or what news we have for the king completely under wraps. This situation is a nightmare for him and if he thinks letting us go will lose him face, he will kill us WAY dead.

Jesus is colourblin fucked around with this message at 05:18 on Jun 6, 2014

# ¿ Jun 6, 2014 04:48

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Plan Razakai

# ¿ Jun 8, 2014 17:23

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Voting plan the_steve but AGAINST staying to watch. For one thing we shouldn't have to, having a heart full of El and all, but far more importantly: Remember how distraught we were when watching a hundred or so men die. If we indeed are extra sensitive to this stuff, I imagine seeing an entire army smited might drive us insane.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2014 03:46

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

HiHo ChiRho posted:

at the same token, The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.

True, but we didn't pass this sentence. El did.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2014 03:56

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Seriously, guys. Whatever happens, or doesn't happen, we will hear about it. Let's not watch. We might get messed up. This is like suspecting you MIGHT have super hearing and cupping your ear to a stick of dynamite to find out.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2014 07:15

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

C

Let's just sob. I told you.

# ¿ Jun 11, 2014 03:20

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

for whatever it's worth, I vote to leave. El damnit, this is not about us. It's about some loving kings having some real serious tantrums about other kings, and the fact that those tantrums involves thousands of innocent lives being wasted doesn't even register for them as a thing to give one gently caress about. As someone ever so eloquently said: These are the backwaters; gently caress'em. gently caress'em right to gently caress. How dare they. gently caress.

# ¿ Jun 13, 2014 03:40

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Tomn posted:

Sure, we don't actually see Enkidel sweating over the minotaur, but sweat he most certainly did. He just did so off-screen.

Word. Diog made it abundantly clear that caging a minotaur was a huge pain in the rear end. Time consuming, dangerous, expensive, etc. Lots of riches and lots of whatever we could have spent our time on was foregone to get it. That's basically the very definiton of "a sacrifice".

# ¿ Jun 15, 2014 09:07

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Can we just bury these things? I mean, maybe they'd give enough "blue stuff" smell to get dug up by roaming mighty men, but in a suburb this safe, do mighty men even roam? Why don't we go way off the road, bury all of our Indor poo poo and get back on the road? It's not as if we're expecting to need them until we head back out anyway.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2014 06:28

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Wait, selling the minotur and all, we still have an offering for the temple in Baitel, right? That's what the pilgrimage is for, after all, right? Or is bringing the old folks and the pilgrims and such our offering now? I'd be down for that.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2014 07:30

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

No votes, just giving a voice to all the lurkers who are watching this space like, five times a day.

# ¿ Jun 27, 2014 08:21

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

EDIT: I am convinced by voters further down in the thread. I abstain.

Jesus is colourblin fucked around with this message at 04:05 on Jul 3, 2014

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 03:57

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 18:48

Jesus is colourblin: Apr 13, 2008; Being colourblind ain't easy

Tomn posted:

On my journey here I met a priest who provided his king with bad advice on El's will, telling him what he wanted to hear instead of what El wished. As a result, great calamity befell the king. How does the House of El try to prevent such things?

This is an important question.

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 04:24

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens - Choose Your Own Adventure

«‹›9 »