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Futaba Anzu
May 5, 2011

GROSS BOY

Robindaybird posted:

I decided at one point that I was gonna try "poaching" an egg on some hot rice. So I cook up some rice, and I think I probably put too much water in it, for when the rice cooker went off, it did look somewhat soggy, but basically - the instant it's done I dumped it in the bowl, crack the egg in it, broke the yolk and mixed it up good.

It didn't cook. Turned out the rice wasn't hot enough or it was too wet, ended up stirring, and stirring - only took three bites before my gag reflex went 'yeah - one more bite and I'm gonna puke all over'.

dumped the bowl out, put in the dishwasher, and ended up having the rest of the rice with honey bbq sauce and cheese (Which actually was good, if a bit unorthodox).

Cracking a raw egg over rice is a real thing and it's delicious.

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Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.



that I know, but it didn't turn out well in my case - the rice was too wet is what I think what caused the problem.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.



Thanks for the bukkake link.

Wow, didn't think I'd be saying those words twice in one day.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


Robindaybird posted:

that I know, but it didn't turn out well in my case - the rice was too wet is what I think what caused the problem.

If your egg refuses to cook in race, hock it in the microwave for 30 seconds. That's my fix when it's a bit too runt for my tastes. You'll figure out rice eventually, I have faith in you.


dino. posted:

A store where the shoppers have TASTE.

I could not for the life of me find the sceen from Infamous where he tries to buy a honk of good cheese for xmas, and can only find Velveeta, so here's the sceen from a few minutes after with capote talking about football: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfYtc-nDXzw

I've made some terrible cooking mistakes in my time, but nothing compares to the time I teargassed the entire house when trying to saute some habaneros.

Suspect Bucket fucked around with this message at Jan 28, 2014 around 23:50

nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

Wife made some chocolate chip cookies today after I was like 'don't do that! I'm on a diet!' But then I told her to make em anyways since I have self control and she wanted them.

They came out like a very thin sheet of cookies and were burnt and some were ok, others horrible. I asked her to show me the recipe and it looked normal, and then she said:

'Ill admit it seems weird that it only called for 2 Tbs of flour...'

Recipe: 1 cup PLUS 2 Tbs flour

Yep.

The Door Frame
Dec 5, 2011

I don't know man everytime I go to the gym here there are like two huge dudes with raging high and tights snorting Nitro-tech off of each other's rock hard abs.

I learned why people say to wear gloves when preparing habeneros, by taking out my contacts 3 hours and several soap washes later and still managing to burn my eyes. Pasta was good though

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


After eating chilies in a contest barehanded I went home and masturbated. I couldn't figure out why my spit was not washing off whatever cause my genitals to be on fire.

theres a will theres moe
Jan 10, 2007




Hair Elf

Tweek posted:

After eating chilies in a contest barehanded I went home and masturbated. I couldn't figure out why my spit was not washing off whatever cause my genitals to be on fire.

Now that's what I call a dinner disiaster

CzarChasm
Mar 14, 2009

Blah Blah Blah
Look at me
I'm the Goddamn Batman
Blah Blah Blah


Tweek posted:

Thanks for the bukkake link.

Wow, didn't think I'd be saying those words twice in one day.

Yeah, but it was only sarcastic once.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


CzarChasm posted:

Yeah, but it was only sarcastic once.

On the plus, I learned what bukkake means.

I mean, I knew what bukkake meant, but I learned what bukkake means.

polka face
Sep 2, 2008


I was doing the (low-sugar, low-carb, high-protein, rather frustrating) Dukan diet a while back and was really craving sweets. I found an American recipe for Dukan-friendly ginger cookies using soya mince as the main ingredient. They were meant to be crunchy and good.

I'm in Australia and I couldn't find soya mince anywhere but I found a vegetarian product called Quorn, which is basically tasteless mince made from fungus. I figured it would work pretty much the same but what I ended up with can be described only as squidgy ginger meatcookies. They were quite spicy and sweet but so texturally offputting.

But I still ate them all.

Illinois Smith
Nov 15, 2003

Ninety-one? There are ninety other "Tiger Drivers"? Do any involve actual tigers, or driving?


The Door Frame posted:

I learned why people say to wear gloves when preparing habeneros, by taking out my contacts 3 hours and several soap washes later and still managing to burn my eyes. Pasta was good though
This is me roughly 80% of the time that I cook with fresh peppers. In 20 years I'll either have burned my eyes right out of their sockets or built up an immunity.

Doh004
Apr 22, 2007

Mmmmm Donuts...

Had a near disiaster last night for the super bowl:

I made baked buffalo wings for the party and had prepped about 10 pounds of them ahead of time by parboiling them in some chili-spiced water (basically poaching em). They'd been in the fridge for a while to dry off their skin and then were about to go in the oven. As the oven was heating up, new people arrived to the party and I got out of the way so they could put their beers away in the fridge and start getting food.

About 5 minutes later I notice some of the wings that I had taken out fridge to put on the baking trays had disappeared! I run out into the living room to see a couple of the people eating cold, boiled, unseasoned, unsauced chicken wings.

Fortunately, the wings were cooked through completely and no one got sick but I was still mortified! I was able to explain what happened and got them crisped up and sauced wings in a bit and they were much happier.

Doh004 fucked around with this message at Feb 3, 2014 around 19:43

PopeCrunch
Feb 13, 2004

internets

Salad Prong

Tweek posted:

After eating chilies in a contest barehanded I went home and masturbated. I couldn't figure out why my spit was not washing off whatever cause my genitals to be on fire.

Oh god I've done that
One time when I was a wee crunch, I attempted to generate fudge. I'm not entirely certain how I managed it, but I wound up with a brown tile of dental porcelain. I'm pretty sure it was one big sugar crystal. We tried getting it out of the pan by soaking it, scrubbing it, and shooting it with a goddamned bear rifle but nothing.

Ultimate Mango
Jan 18, 2005

She's a sharkmouth clam
beware
she is


Late last year I got a Whipping Siphon. You know, those stainless steel pressure vessels that take CO2 or N2O cartridges to make foam or carbonate things?

Yeeeaaaaahhhhhhh.

Thanksgiving

My first use of it was on Thanksgiving. My mother, being helpful, brought some 'leftover' Manufacturer's Cream. Now, regular heavy whipping cream is something like 36% fat. Manufacturer's Cream is double that, ~65% fat. So, we try to make sweetened vanilla cream, adding sugar and vanilla to a load of the instant arterial hardener, and pressurize the sucker.

Shake, Shake, Shake.

Invert over first guest's dessert.

Squeeze the lever to open the valve to dispense out the nozzle.



BBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


High velocity slightly foamed milk-fat shoots out the nozzle, hits the plate and sends a cone shaped splatter fifteen feet across table, guests, furniture, wall, and dog. Pie slice blown off plate and across table. Stunned guests say nothing while we frantically clean up. Dog is still sticky.

Luckily after the initial violent discharge the rest of the dessert topping comes out nicely.

For the record, the manual for the siphon recommends using cream of no more than 40% fat.

A Few Days Later

Fast forward a few days. Sick of seeing the container in the fridge, mocking us, we decide to dump it. Now we know better than to just unscrew it while it is pressurized, so we invert over a container and squeeze the trigger to dispense what is left. Very little comes out and it seems there is no more gas/pressure left. Fantastic, to the sink!

Unscrew, unscrew. BLAMMO

Yours truly is covered from the waist up in whipped cream. Wall and ceiling behind/above me are splattered. Window and motherfucking blinds in front of me are well coated from that which ricocheted off of the sink and me. Wife looks at me and leaves the room, announcing she will return when there is no remnant of cream on any kitchen surface.

A New Experiment

Figuring that my lessons are learned with whipping siphons, I decided that it would be fun to try to carbonate some fruit. Strawberries were procured. After some reading up on the best way to carbonate fruit, we prepped like this: Strawberries were cut in half and loaded. Some water and sugar were added, since it sounded like fruits would carbonate better in water than dry. Put it all together, charge with two CO2 cartridges and leave in fridge for a few hours.

Great, no explosions and all went well.

Again, knowing not to unscrew while under pressure, I went to vent vent the air from the headspace. since its just gas, I figured it was safe to pull the trigger and vent the gas. Boy was I wrong! Trigger pulled, geyser of sweet, sticky, carbonated strawberry juice gushes forth, covering a roughly five foot oval on the ceiling and everything below. Wife and child leave to go do 'something' while I clean, dog now really sticky. Lots of cleaning ensues.

Several hours later when everything was clean, I vented the unit into the sink and we all enjoyes some really fizzy, kind of mushy strawberries.

I have not used the whipping siphon since.

Anyone have any tips on how to use these without coating everything in a fifteen foot radius would be greatly appreciated.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003



Yams Fan

PopeCrunch posted:

Oh god I've done that
One time when I was a wee crunch, I attempted to generate fudge. I'm not entirely certain how I managed it, but I wound up with a brown tile of dental porcelain. I'm pretty sure it was one big sugar crystal. We tried getting it out of the pan by soaking it, scrubbing it, and shooting it with a goddamned bear rifle but nothing.

I did simiar once, but caught my mistake (I had forgotten one element), as it was starting to form those crystals. I determined that I had started making toffee (jury is still out), so my fudge had pieces of toffee in it, and everyome told me it was the best fudge ever.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


PopeCrunch posted:

We tried getting it out of the pan by soaking it, scrubbing it, and shooting it with a goddamned bear rifle but nothing.

It must be nice to live in Alaska where that is considered an acceptable kitchen instrument.

Ironsolid
Mar 1, 2005

Fishing isn't an addiction, it's a way of life. Everything to gain while losing everything

Made french onion soup at work for restaurant week. After caramelizing 150 lbs of onions, I accidentally put about four times the garlic into the onions. This was 45 hours into my work week, middle of the fourth of six days. Made the soup, in it's entirety, chicken stock, veal demi, bouquet, etc.

Tasted like fire.

LOTS OF WASTED MONEY!

Ironsolid fucked around with this message at Feb 4, 2014 around 19:23

Doh004
Apr 22, 2007

Mmmmm Donuts...


This is incredible.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


Ironsolid posted:

Made french onion soup at work for restaurant week. After caramelizing 150 lbs of onions, I accidentally put about four times the garlic into the onions. This was 45 hours into my work week, middle of the fourth of six days. Made the soup, in it's entirety, chicken stock, veal demi, bouquet, etc.

Tasted like fire.

LOTS OF WASTED MONEY!

I once did that with hummus. It mellowed out after a few days.


Oh, you poor bastard.

Ironsolid
Mar 1, 2005

Fishing isn't an addiction, it's a way of life. Everything to gain while losing everything

I ended up taking 2 bunches of parsley per pot, and steeping the parsley in the soup. It removed a LOT of the burning garlic flavor. Afterwards I added another 50 lbs of caramelized onions, stretched it with MORE veal demi and chicken stock and re did the bouquet garnis.

To my surprise this --- MOSTLY fixed it. We were able to use it through restaurant week, and we still have about 2 gallons left. Let's just say the regional chef tasted it and couldn't tell (Or at least, he didn't say anything). But I sure could. Still that aftertaste of garlic. Maybe he just liked the garlic, but god drat I'll never puree garlic again.

Tweek posted:

It mellowed out after a few days.

Wish my project would have mellowed out. But hell, it sells.


I have a hard enough time eating cooked eggs, this would murder my stomach. Oh man, I can feel the oncoming diarrhea.

Ironsolid fucked around with this message at Feb 4, 2014 around 20:51

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


Ironsolid posted:

Oh man, I can feel the oncoming diarrhea.

Also a popular topping for rice.

Futaba Anzu
May 5, 2011

GROSS BOY

Tweek posted:

Also a popular topping for rice.

In most cultures that's called curry

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


pandaK posted:

In most cultures that's called curry

Is that what that is? Paging dino.

dino.
Mar 28, 2010


Tweek posted:

Is that what that is? Paging dino.

Leave me out of this. In the South, curry means dry-cooked veg. It's the northerners who poop on their food, add sugar, add cream, and basically make it this stewy messy poo poo.

Ultimate Mango
Jan 18, 2005

She's a sharkmouth clam
beware
she is


Doh004 posted:

This is incredible.

Let's call them rapid depressurizations. They didn't actually explode, just vented material under high pressure either from the nozzle or through the threaded neck.

Google has failed me in finding actual helpful information on using an ISI without having it spew contents everywhere.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


dino. posted:

Leave me out of this. In the South, curry means dry-cooked veg. It's the northerners who poop on their food, add sugar, add cream, and basically make it this stewy messy poo poo.

Really? Because I got a jar of something called, "curry powder", and it certainly smelt of diarrhea.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013



Tweek posted:

"curry powder",

Anything called curry powder belongs in this thread.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

Anything called curry powder belongs in this thread.

I was joking by the way, I ain't have such a jar. It may belong in this thread, but it don't belong in my kitchen.

Atticus_1354
Dec 9, 2006

Don't you go near that dog, you understand? Don't go near him, he's just as dangerous dead as alive.


SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

Anything called curry powder belongs in this thread.

No it belongs on a bratwurst with ketchup.

Missing Name
Jan 5, 2013

Here you go. Juicy Fruit. Happy?


Atticus_1354 posted:

No it belongs on a bratwurst with ketchup.

Just about this. When I make curried stuff, I make a fresh blend right there, and it hasn't failed yet. (North and South Indian, Thai, Chinese)

But I keep a thing of curry for the wurst.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013



Missing Name posted:

Just about this. When I make curried stuff, I make a fresh blend right there, and it hasn't failed yet. (North and South Indian, Thai, Chinese)

But I keep a thing of curry for the wurst.

Curry powder is mainly turmeric with some other spices. You can make your own...

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

You can make your own...

Would it curry your favor if we did?

dino.
Mar 28, 2010


Tweek posted:

Really? Because I got a jar of something called, "curry powder", and it certainly smelt of diarrhea.
I know it's a joke, but for the record, we don't actually use curry powder in India.

Drifter
Oct 22, 2000

Belated Bear Witness


Soiled Meat

dino. posted:

I know it's a joke, but for the record, we don't actually use curry powder in India.

Isn't curry powder just already mixed Cumin, Mustard Seed, Chili Powder, and Coriander (gently caress Tumeric 4 eva)?

Why are people making fun of it, is it bad to have that? Is it bad because it's preground and therefore not as fresh and tasty and roastable?

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013



Drifter posted:

Isn't curry powder just already mixed Cumin, Mustard Seed, Chili Powder, and Coriander (gently caress Tumeric 4 eva)?

Why are people making fun of it, is it bad to have that? Is it bad because it's preground and therefore not as fresh and tasty and roastable?

It's bad because it usually tastes like cardboard. If you grind spices, put them in a jar, and leave them in your cupboard for a decade, they're going to taste like poo poo.

Tweek
Feb 1, 2005

I have more disposable income than you.


Drifter posted:

(gently caress Tumeric 4 eva)

I want you to remember that I gave you a chance to that that back.

Missing Name
Jan 5, 2013

Here you go. Juicy Fruit. Happy?


Tumeric definitely adds flavor, not just color.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013



Missing Name posted:

Tumeric definitely adds flavor, not just color.

The flavor is hard to describe, but I love turmeric heavy dishes. It's like an earthy citrus.

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Splizwarf
Jun 15, 2007
It's like there's a soup can in front of me!

Ultimate Mango posted:

Let's call them rapid depressurizations. They didn't actually explode, just vented material under high pressure either from the nozzle or through the threaded neck.

Google has failed me in finding actual helpful information on using an ISI without having it spew contents everywhere.

http://www.cookingissues.com/2010/0...heap-technique/

I think it might have been overfilled in those fantastic stories. I have one and it's always done a great job (for infusing and for whipped cream/syllabub). Let me tell you about infusing chocolate vodka with fresh-cracked peppercorns. Also, butterscotch schnappes with fresh rosemary.

Splizwarf fucked around with this message at Feb 6, 2014 around 04:34

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