These are the people you share a road with: Let's play "drunk or hyper-miler?"

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > These are the people you share a road with: Let's play "drunk or hyper-miler?"

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Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

14 INCH DETECTIVE posted:

I'm totally okay with it just being a general idiocy thread, because at some point in time someone has entrusted these people to perform such complicated tasks as 'waking up' and 'breathing.'. And they are around you. All the time. Everywhere. Not knowing how to open a hood is prettyfuckingdumb yo, not even like asking someone to even do their own oil change.

I work on bikes, often old bikes, and I gotta say there's an awful lot of undeserved disdain out there for people who don't know poo poo about motor vehicles. That's fine with me, man. That's why I got my job. There's a lot of poo poo I know nothing about, like astrophysics and dentistry and Chinese history. You don't know what to do, you go to an expert. The problem comes with people who think they know something.

8ender posted:

I had to stop a Dodge Grand Caravan with that stupid foot actuated emergency brake, doing about 100km/h. The ABS module (I think) blew up and drained both circuits pretty much instantly when I tapped the brakes.

As I hurtled towards a busy highway full of traffic I actually considered testing my luck bailing out the window but I managed to slow it down just enough to make a tire smoking turn into a farm driveway right before the highway.

I've owned 2 different Nissan trucks, both of which have blown out their brake hard lines, one of them with no warning at all. One of them blew out in a parking lot shortly after towing a boat on the interstate for 30 minutes.

# ¿ Sep 7, 2013 02:47

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 16:24

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

InitialDave posted:

There is a base minimum level of knowledge that is expected if you're going to even get into a car. You know that the planet we're on orbits the sun, that you should brush your teeth, and that there's this country somewhere that is a source of pandas and cheap manufactured goods, right? Because that's the kind of level we're talking about here.

I dunno, a lot of the stuff I'm seeing here is insulting people for not knowing how to change a wheel. Why the hell should everyone know that? There's AAA, a million tire shops around the country, and tires hardly ever blow out, at least in my area. A lot of cars don't come with spares and the tools for it now, some cars have run-flats. And even if you know what you're doing, it's a pain in the rear end to do it on the side of the road and requires some muscle.

# ¿ Sep 7, 2013 20:28

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

BrokenKnucklez posted:

What's so confusing about roundabouts? They keep traffic moving as long as there are no idiots floundering around in there. And the best part... miss your turn? gently caress drive in a circle and try again.

Where I live, there are a few traffic circles, and I get the feeling they were designed by a civil engineer who thought he was hip and international but never saw a traffic circle anywhere in the real world. They're all pathetic frankensteins of the wrong shape or size and with traffic lights inside them and poo poo. One near me is so small, like 10/15 feet across the grass in the middle, that it's impossible for anyone to be IN the circle, therefore it's impossible for anyone outside it to yield to the people in it. So it ends up getting treated more or less like a 4-way stop. Some people go around it the wrong way because it's poorly marked, too.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2013 14:31

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

kastein posted:

Passenger car tires take muscle? poo poo, I must be a regular weight lifting champion, because I thought anything 225/75r15 and under was a one finger job. How the hell can anyone carry groceries or children if they can't pick up some dinky rear end car tire/rim or at least the donut spare?

Again, you're coming at this from a very specific perspective. You're a guy, you're a car enthusiast, you're a mechanic. You think the average waitress or cubicle worker is comfortable crawling under a car to put a jack in there, has any idea where it should go, and has the muscle to loosen lugnuts? On the side of the road having probably never done it before? This to me is like teaching yourself to sew to make a few new t-shirts. Why do it, when there's a well-developed infrastructure out there that makes it cheap and easy to get it done for you?

Almost every motorcycle out there comes with instructions on how to adjust and lube the chain. Huge number of people don't do it themselves, because it's an annoying messy job to do. I wouldn't make fun of them for that. Not knowing how to use the blinkers or to check your blind spot, that would be retarded, you have to know how to do that to drive safely. Car noobs are people too. Stop the hate, bros.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2013 20:10

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Mooseykins posted:

Customers can be cheeky c*nts sometimes. Use my car? No, you can gently caress right off.

The ones that we get all the time are dudes just walking in the door asking for a discount. Never seen em before, not buying anything in bulk, often showing up 30 minutes to closing with no appointment so we're doing them a favor by changing their tire anyway. Not buying the tire from us. Do they do that everywhere in life? Walk into every Starbucks, be like, hey can I have 2 bucks off on this latte? Ask a girl out on a date, be like, hey can I have a blowjob too?

One guy wants to buy a bike. Not a real nice bike, we're not making a lot of money on it. Didn't have all the money, so he's like can I have it for $300 off? No. Sighs frustratedly as if I just lost his keys or something. Puts some money down, tries the same question again later before paying it off. No. Sighs frustratedly as if I just lost his keys. Comes in a couple times asking if he can just take it and he'll owe us the rest. No. Told him several times that's not an option. Sighs frustratedly as if I just lost his keys. Asks if he can leave his [beat up piece of poo poo] bicycle as collateral. No. Sighs frustratedly as if I just lost his keys. Says one of our guys said that would be ok. No. None of our guys would or did ever say that. Sighs frustratedly as if I just lost his keys. Asks if he can buy a helmet and return after riding it home because he doesn't want to actually buy one of our already very cheap helmets. No. Sighs frustratedly as if I just lost his keys. Eventually shows up with the shittiest possible used craigslist helmet and pays the bike off and takes it.

# ¿ Sep 17, 2013 03:45

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

I'd just like to point out, as a member of the Cycle Asylum illuminati, that I don't recognize that guy as a frequent or respected poster in CA.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2013 01:07

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

tetrapyloctomy posted:

I honestly don't understand what the hell gets into people sometimes. I speed. I admit it. I also slow the hell down in residential areas, and ALL the way down in school zones. I stop fully at stop signs. I don't cut across the double yellow when they turned it sharper than they should have for the turn. I can't fathom taking a motorcycle on a sidewalk or surrounding an SUV just to be a dick.

Me too man. I ride like a complete rear end in a top hat sometimes. But I do it far away from pedestrians and houses and even other cars on the road, for the most part. Moderation, you know?

# ¿ Oct 1, 2013 19:55

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

GBS, home to all Icon field armor owners.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2013 00:32

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Speedos reading high is a common thing on bikes. My understanding was the DOT mandates that it read not more than 10% over reality and not under at all. Significant number of modern bikes read 10% over. Because bikers are unhinged delinquent speed freaks whose only desire is to violate civil ordinances and customs of decency, so if you tell them they're speeding, they'll be content and might commit fewer other crimes.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2013 15:09

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

cluck1000 posted:

Just discovered/fell in love with this thread!

Huh, I dunno, I was gonna say exactly the opposite like "I bet you'd never see this at Midas/Mieneke/Jensen."

I work (as the front desk receptionist) at a higher (tho not highest) end dealership w/a full-service garage, and I was gonna say our garage guys are probably waaay more likely to feel like fucknag due to the repeat customers/loyalty bit b/c people who come into our shop are, ideally people who have already and we hope will in the future buy cars from us.

Granted, we are also a euro company, so our clients are not only people who buy cars b/c they want (not need) them, they are also pretty aware that if they need parts, we gon get those parts.

EDIT: I don't know why I thought this thread was new and responded to something on the first page LIKE A FOOL , sorry guys

Good topic of discussion though.
Do receptionists do the figurative dick sucking or do the sales/service managers handle all that? I work at a small shop and it's probably the major headache we have to deal with in the business. I've developed huge respect for people in service industries like waitressing after trying to deal with that poo poo for the last few years.

# ¿ Nov 12, 2013 00:48

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Aren't there some cars that pressurize their fuel tank while running, too?

# ¿ Nov 23, 2013 20:37

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

MattD1zzl3 posted:

Dear god listen to that truckers austism accent.

Sounds like he's right on the edge, about to snap, a couple minutes away from posting a huge angry thread on reddit about government or men's rights.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2013 17:49

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

I followed a car once for a little while. Cause it was a Tesla and I had never seen one before.

Is there another forum SNiPER_Magnum can go to, for antisocial people? This forum was officially voted the gay forum, it's the wrong one for him.

# ¿ Dec 5, 2013 16:07

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

I guess if I stepped on what I thought was the brake and the car revved like crazy, I might have a similar useless panicked reaction. I dunno. But the thing is, I've never in my life confused those two pedals. How does that happen?

# ¿ Dec 9, 2013 03:35

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Does this mean I can start posting My Little Pony content?

# ¿ Dec 24, 2013 18:04

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

One time I did some texting while on the interstate. While riding my motorcycle at night with a 6v headlight during deer season. Boom.

# ¿ Dec 26, 2013 20:34

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

IPCRESS posted:

The solution is obviously to declare that you're in fear of your life, stand your ground, and shoot them dead.

But being serious a moment: I've never encountered this level of idiocy*; is there something in the US that makes it a breeding ground for dangerous levels of fuckwittery?

*: Hard parking, very, very occasionally. Everything else sounds like a case for a eugenics program.

I've never encountered it either. But then, I live in Canada (Vermont)

# ¿ Jan 4, 2014 14:22

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

clutchpuck posted:

You don't know anybody who rides a beemer, eh?

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ¿ Jan 7, 2014 01:27

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Yeah I make all kinds of mistakes all day long. I drop things, I type the wrong things, I forget to take my lunch with me in the morning. I've been driving like 17 years now and I never once mistook one pedal for another. Even when going back and forth between my parent's cars which were auto and manuals. I don't get how that happens.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2014 14:23

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Snowdens Secret posted:

Plus every single cop ordered to filter through stopped traffic looking for phones is one more policeman -not- catching people committing more serious moving violations or responding to far more serious actual crime.

But he's splitting traffic all day! He's having so much fun!

# ¿ Mar 8, 2014 20:12

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Chinatown posted:

The problem with crosswalks that have the button activated lights is that most people are idiots and don't press the button.

I have almost mowed down a couple of people at night who just walk into the crosswalk without looking. It pisses me off to no end.

I watched a guy in a wheelchair get mowed down by a car at an intersection once. The wheelchair guy didn't look both ways and he was crossing on a crosswalk but against the traffic. He had a "don't walk" and the car was going straight through on a green. If I'm not mistaken, the car driver didn't get prosecuted for that.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2014 19:26

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Powershift posted:

Unintended acceleration. Time to sue Land Rover and call 60 Minutes to invent false data on Land Rovers.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2014 23:55

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Galler posted:

Surprisingly I've never seen anyone gently caress up around here when a traffic light starts flashing red. Everyone just does what they're supposed to and everything continues on as normal. Maybe it's because around here there are a bunch of normal stop signed intersections with a flashing red light hung over top of the intersection so people are used to it?

There was a section of one of the busiest roads in my state (4 lane plus middle turn lane and lots of side turn lanes in a busy commercial area) about a mile long that had power and lights out on a weekday not long ago. Seemed to have little effect on the traffic. Everyone drove a little slower, somehow the people making left turns didn't get backed up too much. Kinda surprised me.

# ¿ Mar 30, 2014 18:58

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

The Midniter posted:

Dear motorcyclists,

I do not ride a bike. I do, however, appreciate them for what they are. I also understand that they can accelerate and come to a stop much more quickly than the 3,000 lb lump of metal I'm piloting. I also know that riders are offered near zero protection were any collision with another vehicle were to occur. Therefore, when I share the road with someone on a bike, I always take great pains to keep my distance, double and triple check my blind spot if I am changing lanes, and just do the best I can to prevent your brains from being splattered across the road due in part to your choice of vehicle.

With all that in mind - you loving idiots who ride the rear end of every car in front of you, lane split when it's not even remotely legal in this state, swerve from lane to lane like a drunken sailor (do motorcycles even have turn signals? I wouldn't loving know) in rush hour traffic...listen, if I run you over and sever your spinal cord or shatter your legs like a dropped glass, that poo poo's on you. I did my part.

As a motorcyclist I agree with you.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 02:14

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Krakkles posted:

... because he maintained his speed past stopped/stopping traffic. That's like teenager level amateur mistake.

Something that happens in like half of all the motorcycle crash youtubes. Not the bike's fault in most cases but a reasonably intelligent person would have slowed the gently caress down if they saw 3 cars in a row stopped at a green light.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2014 16:15

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Seat Safety Switch posted:

poverty spec Nazi gearbox

Picturing a disgruntled suburban laborer in 1928 Munich swearing in German as he puts together a transmission with a hammer for $3 million marks a day which would exchange for 5 cents USD.

# ¿ May 1, 2014 02:11

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Collateral Damage posted:

According to your descriptions US traffic is no better than Russian and I'm happy I don't have to drive in either.

US traffic is not US traffic. Some parts of the US are horrible like Russia and some are like Canada.

# ¿ May 23, 2014 19:42

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

I agree with SocketSeven! Down with ncraP!!

# ¿ May 25, 2014 15:33

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Motronic posted:

Sometimes you can't, but taking the lest dangerous remedy first seems to be a reasonable course of action.

You know what you can do after that if you are seriously worried for your safety? loving turn off and then go back. Let them be ahead of you.

This is the difference between pretending you are worried about safety but really being butthurt and ACTUALLY being concerned about safety.

I hope this post is not a harbinger of forthcoming common sensibility in this thread.

# ¿ May 31, 2014 01:53

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Can anyone tell what kinda bike that guy rides? I wanna hate all people who own whatever bike that is. Unless it's a BMW.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2014 23:58

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

blk posted:

A haiku for people who waste my time:

Put down your cell phone
Keep your eyes on the stop light
Go when it turns green

http://www.cafepress.com/mf/8376271/cell-phone-instruction_bumper-sticker?productId=45609493

# ¿ Oct 1, 2014 19:24

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Geirskogul posted:

In AZ, going 20 over is/can be felony speeding.

I did 90 fairly often on my bike around AZ interstates and passed cops a few times and never got pulled over. That would be 15 over the speed limit on those roads. Seemed to me you had to be doing something fantastically stupid to get police attention in AZ.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2014 00:33

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

waffle iron posted:

In the United States, the road and traffic system is designed with that idea that it should be navigable by any driver no matter where in the country they're from or what their skill level. It's pretty much the lowest common denominator system.

Another big problem is that our engineers here are lowest common denominator asswipes too, and they don't build the roundabouts right. Right near me here, there's a big one that's oval instead of round, and there are traffic lights in it. Another one nearby is so small (the curb area in the center is like 6 feet wide) that it's almost impossible to be in the roundabout so it's almost impossible to know who should yield to whom when approaching it.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2014 20:04

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

The Locator posted:

After driving 1200'ish miles in Nevada over the last 2 days,

My first experience with Nevada sums up my feels about it fairly well:

Gas, guns, strippers, fast food, gravel. I didn't like it.

# ¿ Oct 19, 2014 14:56

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

There are signatures on the forums? You can turn them on? I been here since 2000 and I didn't know that.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2014 04:47

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Bad weather is never a problem for drivers here in VT because everyone drives 10mph under the limit all year round anyway.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2014 14:15

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

nsaP posted:

A bit of rollback is kinda normal and should be expected, poo poo you people are harsh.

Yeah seriously. Nazi hill starts ITT.

# ¿ Nov 10, 2014 07:08

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

I've had an experience like that. You never know when someone might just be seriously impaired. I was sitting stopped at a light waiting for my turn-left arrow to go green, facing an old lady in an SUV who was doing the same thing in the opposite direction. She started inching forward through the intersection at me, staring directly at me. She just kept inching forward and I started honking my horn at her cause she was getting close to my front end. When I honked, she actually sped up a bit. I was waving my arms like crazy and eventually figured out that honking was making her speed up, so I stopped honking. I had to throw it in reverse and go back a few car lengths, she ended up in or past where I was sitting before. Eventually she stopped and seemed to realize she had passed her turn, but never showed any sign she saw me (dead straight in front of her, our bumpers only a few feet apart). She stared straight ahead at me the whole time. She then indicated right and slowly merged into the traffic that was passing her, cutting off some people who in turn honked at her. I kept on going on my way to work like normal, kinda stunned by the whole thing. In retrospect I wish I had called the police cause that person was clearly either blind or had almost totally lost their cognitive abilities.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2014 20:07

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Got this from the BMW Motorcycle Owners of America Facebook group. Even BMW riders don't like BMW drivers.

# ¿ Nov 26, 2014 17:02

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 16:24

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

nsaP posted:

Yeah but sagebrush rides a motorcycle so he has no excuse. I would have been wheelying past that dope bitch flipping the bird and jerkin off.

Hold on there, he's not Slavvy.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2015 14:41

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > These are the people you share a road with: Let's play "drunk or hyper-miler?"

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