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Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Improbable Lobster posted:

Chris Chan did similar things, so maybe he's autistic?

If this dude's neurotypical, I'll eat my goddamn hat.

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Count Chocula
Dec 25, 2011

WE HAVE TO CONTROL OUR ENVIRONMENT
IF YOU SEE ME POSTING OUTSIDE OF THE AUSPOL THREAD PLEASE TELL ME THAT I'M MISSED AND TO START POSTING AGAIN


He's like Henry Darger if Henry Darger was also a sheltered liberal's worst stereotypes of conservatives.

GreenMetalSun
Oct 11, 2012


A CRAZY PERSON posted:

ARTS 132 [Figure Drawing] was taken again. It did only so-so last time taken, so this repeat was an attempt to at least get a C. Alas, results were the same. At least this time, the class got spoiled once and was allowed to draw a young woman, rather than the blobs, hags, and creepy old guys that were usually the models.

Okay, I'm not an artist any means, but isn't that the point? I mean, real people are old, saggy, bloby, whatever, and you're supposed to be learning to draw people. If you want to be an artist you're going to have to learn to portray all kinds of different people and body shapes, right?

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)


GreenMetalSun posted:

Okay, I'm not an artist any means, but isn't that the point? I mean, real people are old, saggy, bloby, whatever, and you're supposed to be learning to draw people. If you want to be an artist you're going to have to learn to portray all kinds of different people and body shapes, right?

You have a better grasp on the purposes of art class than this deranged fucker! It's a small accolade, but they add up over time.



(I picture him being one of those guys who couldn't just look up "NUDE FEMALES" online, because that would be pervy and wrong, whereas nude women in the context of the class (despite him still being a creep about it) it is totally A-Okay.)

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012



College Slice

Metal Loaf posted:

No, we each had a Hitler and they all had their own drivers.

loving pampered suburbanites, we each had to bring our own Hilter from home. Some of the kids could only afford a Pol Pot and got teased.

DaveWoo
Aug 14, 2004



Fun Shoe

Improbable Lobster posted:

Chris Chan did similar things, so maybe he's autistic?

Yeah, it's pretty clear this guy's somewhere on the spectrum.

Penny Paper
Dec 31, 2012


AlbieQuirky posted:

loving pampered suburbanites, we each had to bring our own Hilter from home. Some of the kids could only afford a Pol Pot and got teased.

And the ones with the Joseph Stalins were the worst!

WoodrowSkillson
Feb 24, 2005

It's my new shirt



Improbable Lobster posted:

Chris Chan did similar things, so maybe he's autistic?

chris chan hosed a doll on cam, hosed his ps3 on cam, and was willing to shove his medallion up his rear end

Sailor Viy
Aug 4, 2013

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Antivehicular posted:

My assumption is that the guy is just working with the materials he has available, albeit in a childlike way; the LotR parody in particular reminds me of the dumb videos kids will make using toys as "actors." What confuses me is that sometimes he seems to be considering these objects as actual anthropomorphized objects -- the bike thing talking about paint and rusting and his general weird commitment to talking about "the lifestyle of sentient bikes" -- and sometimes he writes stories where the characters could just be humans, and indeed it would be way less nonsensical. Christ, weren't those sex stats from his goddamn stationery story? How the hell does a pen have anal sex?

(Please don't answer that question.)

Nah, the sex stats were from Gerosha, which appears to be all humans. So at least you don't have to imagine a piece of anthropomorphic stationery being raped.

Just kidding!

quote:

She had aspired and worked hard to become part of the Save Neothode Program, but Hidicky's gambling habit got their family into trouble when they owed money to mob boss Pentacko. Pentacko forces Hidicky to sell Neone into prostitution to repay the debt, then betrays and murders Hidicky anyway. Neone escapes after a horrifying two weeks as a call girl and hides in a monastery in Neomlot before joining the Voyagers.

Neone looks like this, by the way:

Literally Kermit
Mar 4, 2012


Sailor Viy posted:

Nah, the sex stats were from Gerosha, which appears to be all humans. So at least you don't have to imagine a piece of anthropomorphic stationery being raped.

Just kidding!


Neone looks like this, by the way:


We don't need to know everything about the character. Just give us the highlights.

corn in the bible
Jun 5, 2004

Oh no oh god it's all true!


Do you... do you think this might all be an Andy Kaufman-like prank?


Would you like to know about Dozerfleet Founder's politics? Let's learn about the 2012 US Presidential Primaries! Dozerfleet supported, of course, Michelle Bachman. Everything here is from the page on her, even if it doesn't seem like it should be.

quote:

Fox News made a huge blunder during the September 22nd, 2011 GOP debate in Orlando. The moderators claimed that there are no scientists questioning the safety of Gardasil, and that Bachmann was "going too far" by citing a woman whose daughter alleged the drug caused mental retardation.

Fox News should have paid more attention to the scientists in Lisa A. Bastian's report in Celebrate Life Magazine's November-December 2009 issue. In all honesty, if Fox News wanted to criticize Bachmann, they should have ignored the corrupt FDA and CDC's rush-to-judgment and siding with gay lobbies entirely. They should have accused her of not going far enough.

Over 47 poorly-researched deaths and 147 cases of sudden miscarriage plus the term "Gardasil Girl" arising in the culture ought to be raising a lot more suspicion. It isn't; because drugs that protect from diseases brought on by perverted sex acts are automatically sacred cows to the MTV culture, dead girls be damned.

No doubt, NAMBLA is watching this whole thing unfold with fiendish delight/intent; the likes of which not even Jerry Sandusky could be accused of.

People were actually upset that Bachman was implying all vaccines cause autism, but I guess they were probably all members of NAMBLA.

quote:

A Muslim cleric tried to argue that one of the recent textbooks she had in her possession from an Islamic country was "an old book." After several weeks, however, he could not produce anything more recent. The book was littered with anti-Semitic propaganda, encouraging young children in Islamic countries to grow up and become Jew-haters. She even quoted from the textbook: "If there are 13 Jews in a public square, and you blow up 9 of them, how many are left?"

Bachmann: 1; the D'wah: -2.

I couldn't find any reference to this quote, anywhere. When I searched for it, all I found was Dozerfleet. Dozerfleet: 1; the D'wah: -2

quote:

Palestine: It was fabricated from nothing in the late 70's by exiles and thugs, united under Arafat, and began blowing up chunks of Israel and extorting the UN for favors. The UN then arbitrarily declared Palestine to be a rightful land unto its own, even when it had to steal land from Israel and then had the nerve to call Israel the "occupying force."

She finished her speeches that evening of December 11th by stating that Herman Cain was truly an inspiration to all the candidates. That if anyone learned anything from him, it's how to put things in plain language that everyone understands. She concluded stating: "Instead of 9-9-9, I'm gonna win-win-win!" There was some clapping from the audience, but it was somber rather than uproarious. A clear sign that Bachmann supporters who were former Cain supporters were more sad that Cain was gone than happy that Michele was honoring his memory.

What the gently caress.

quote:

Kinsey's reports were conducted mostly by interviewing/experimenting on sex offenders and rapists. He also molested infants and reported the thrills he derived from that as "scientific evidence" of orientation. Babies that didn't cry immediately, were judged to be "gay" and therefore, "liked it." That's not science.



There is also a massive chart comparing Michelle Bachman to Ron Paul, so that "Paulbots know what is and is not fair to say." Some examples:

quote:

Drugs
Michelle: Would have fought the War on Drugs like an actual war, and intend to win it.
Paul: Would legalize them all, regardless the consequences.

Abortion
Michelle: Would have fought to stop it.
Paul: Might stop it. If he can stop accepting money from George Soros, that is.

Israel
Michelle: Would have cooperated with them and stood by them fully. Might stop funding them.
Paul: Couldn't care less if Israel becomes a giant crater, and every last Jew ceases to exist.

Gay "marriage"
Michelle: Kill it, before bestial "marriage" starts being pushed (it already is.) It's a perversion of a perversion of human nature; and an affront to human decency.
Paul: Whatever, yo. Be pigs all ya'll want. What does he care if it's a cover-up to destroy the church? He blames all churches for the Crusades and Spanish Inquisition, not just the specific ones responsible. So that makes vandalizing of churches and outlawing of the clear word of Scripture in the name of political correctness perfectly okay, supposedly.

Luigi's Discount Porn Bin
Jul 19, 2000




Oven Wrangler

I love the idea that the North American Man-Boy Love Association is rubbing its collective hands in glee over young girls being vaccinated for HPV.

Antivehicular posted:

My assumption is that the guy is just working with the materials he has available, albeit in a childlike way; the LotR parody in particular reminds me of the dumb videos kids will make using toys as "actors."
Yeah I think this is it. He wants to make a webcomic but can't draw; he wants to shoot live-action films but doesn't have any friends to act in them. So instead he uses Sims machinima and takes pictures of pens to illustrate his webcomics, and he pretends that bikes are people for the purposes of his lovely short films. See what happens when he tries to direct actual people?

quote:

Speaking of sex talk, an unfortunate event occurred during the shooting of a test action sequence for Volkonir. An "action assignment" was due for Video II class, but was not turned in. The test-action sequence was going to be John in the Prince Volkonir costume, mastering the choreography for battling Gwirdons with the aid of Selshon. However, the ideal place for that was the Brophy Hall basement. Two small problems: 1) John refused to wear the Volkonir suit until absolutely necessary, claiming it "looked too gay," and 2) the basement just so happened to be occupied by the worst two girls it possibly could have been.

Before long, an entire hall full of girls began sexually harassing the film crew, with one in particular even going so far as to moon the crew. As they brought their beefy football player friends to ask too many questions, John's personal levels of insecurity reached critical mass. The crew had to get out of there; both for personal safety and to protect the equipment. Girls were threatening to take their tops off before the camera, and that was simply not going to be allowed by the campus or film crew.

Alas, it was this incident that led to John quitting the team. Without John, there was no Prince Volkonir. Shortly thereafter, Bethany decided she'd rather go to the bar with her boyfriend that show up for her role. This led to the entire script having to be dumped.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Luigi's Discount Porn Bin posted:

See what happens when he tries to direct actual people?

Apparently Revenge of the Nerds happens. Dang!

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.



Smellrose

Antivehicular posted:

Apparently Revenge of the Nerds happens. Dang!

Yeah, I'm starting to wish I had done video production in college instead of history.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011



quote:

Before long, an entire hall full of girls began sexually harassing the film crew, with one in particular even going so far as to moon the crew. As they brought their beefy football player friends to ask too many questions, John's personal levels of insecurity reached critical mass. The crew had to get out of there; both for personal safety and to protect the equipment. Girls were threatening to take their tops off before the camera, and that was simply not going to be allowed by the campus or film crew.
This guy is amazing.

Political Whores
Feb 13, 2012



Cordyceps Headache posted:



Perrywinkles sounds a little too faggy for the supporters of Texas man's-man Rick Perry.

Pawlentils is, however, a thing of sublime beauty, and I'm sad that it never saw use in mainstream discourse.

The Brotherhood of Evil Muslims link leads to the wiki on the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants from X-Men. He needed to make sure everyone knew how clever a reference it was. No link for Gary's Mob, though.

Someone linked Dozerfleet in the Freep thread from this thread, and I discovered something I think you all would appreciate here

Literally Kermit
Mar 4, 2012


I swear to God, everytime I read 'Dozerfleet' I read it as 'doozerfleet', a doozer being one of those cute tiny construction-hat-wearing critters that make building sticks out of radish powder and build structures all over Fraggle Rock, structures that the fraggles keep in check by eating as doozer sticks are quite tasty.

But no, it's a nickname based on a fleet of bulldozers that saved Earl Turner or some poo poo that all of one person has ever read (unironically).

Adrastus
Apr 1, 2012

by toby


"Sandy Twirled"

Dozerfleet Founder posted:

The song was written on a whim, and took all of around a half-hour to write. It took various sentiments of frustration resulting from Hurricane Sandy's aftermath and the 2012 elections, and wrapped them up in one song.... The song's general mood is one of "flipping the bird" at New York and New Jersey for their behaviors both before and after the hurricane, with particular emphasis on condemning Bloomberg's actions as New York's mayor.

quote:

"Sandy Twirled"
First verse
New York's / a dead end; /
Yeah, / it's always been / too liberal for me! /
Occu- / -py was deranged; /
That ain't / hard / to decide! /
Then they / dissed Iraq / veterans; /
And then / sugar / they deride! /
And they / butchered up / those babies! /
They let pedos / in their / classrooms; /
I just / know it! /
Turned down help / just because / it's non- /
-union; / the spite! /
First chorus
So they deserved / to witness / Sandy twirl! /
Hope they / liked watching / Sandy twirl! /
It hardly gets / more divine judgment / than that! /
Second verse
The media / played a / charade; /
To aid their / lame friend / Mr. Hopin'-n'-Change! /
And all / the politics / were dirty; /
Chris Christie / was talking cute! /
And while / Romney lent his bus out; /
His gesture / was rendered moot! /
'Cos they / played up / all Lena's lies! /
And they / ignored Benghazi; /
Don't you / know it! /
Horses and bayonets; /
Big Bird, / he was in plight! /
Second chorus
And then they / got to witness / Sandy twirl! /
Hope they liked / watching / Sandy twirl! /
It hardly gets / more divine / judgment / than that! /
When / Sandy twirled! /
Hope they liked / watching / Sandy twirl! /
You rarely see / divine judgment... /
You rarely see / divine judgment / like that! /
[Instrumental break]

Bridge
And they were drowning / in filth / all the time! /
It was / all over / CNN! /
Not too funny; /
They were all / in a bind! /
They sent away / other states' helping! /
[Instrumental break]

[Spoken]: You know!
It really screamed / "divine judgment" / like that! /
[Instrumental break]

Final chorus
And they / got to witness / Sandy twirl! /
They deserved / to have / Sandy twirl! /
And so, / Sandy twirled! /
You rarely see / divine judgment / like that; /
Like / Sandy twirled! /
Made headlines / all around / the world! /
Because! /
Because / Sandy twirled! /

Lyrics 2012 Dozerfleet Records.

Oxxidation
Jul 22, 2007

a negative influence


And that's where this stopped being funny for me.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


Dozerfleet RECORDS??!!

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Metal Loaf posted:

Dozerfleet RECORDS??!!

One of the sites he links to in his Dozerfleet Productions article is something called Am I Right, which is some sort of lyrics-parody site. For those of stronger constitution than I, here's his contributions, listed under "BulldozerBegins" for some reason. There's an anti-Obama entry done to the tune of Stan Bush's "The Touch," which I'm not sure I have it in me to actually read.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


Bah! Give me Christian and the Hedgehog Boys any day.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Metal Loaf posted:

Bah! Give me Christian and the Hedgehog Boys any day.

Man, at least Christian and the Hedgehog Boys didn't have any songs about woman-murder. I went and poked at that stuff (after I said I wouldn't, because atrocity tourism), and there's a three-song "cycle" about a mad bomber who kills unfaithful women, complete with the most milquetoast disclaimer on the third one:

Yeah, the explosives are the problem here posted:

Disclaimer: I do not endorse anyone who actually behaves the way the character in this song does. The humor is in picturing what would happen if the original artist performed his song with these lyrics. This song should never be construed as approval of the actions it contains regarding vigilantism, psycho-stalking, nor detonation of explosives.

And then there's "Slaughterized," which, uh, I'm just gonna put this here:

A man who definitely doesn't have huge issues with women posted:

The song describes "every man's worst nightmare," that the girl in his past who was just using him will one day decide that if he is not an asset to her, then he is a liability. At this point, as the man fears, she will then decide that he needs to be savagely murdered. Therefore, he'd better watch his back, lest this girl he fears actually carries out the evil plans he imagines her having in store for him.

This song was inspired by a hairstylist whose utilitarian personality made her a near-perfect personification of the kind of woman that the song imagines would be capable of the horrendous acts described.

There's also a sequel song to this, "Die Die Die!!!", where the evil hairstylist is beheaded (!) by her would-be victim, because God forbid it be implied a woman ever wins or even survives.

I think there may be more -- one of the songs claims to be about a woman on Death Row, while another one is about the Salem Witch Trials -- but I think I need to go dry-heave a little bit. How deep does this human pit of despair go?

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)


Oxxidation posted:

And that's where this stopped being funny for me.

I kind of miss talking about the mild weirdness of tropers in comparison, really.

Count Chocula
Dec 25, 2011

WE HAVE TO CONTROL OUR ENVIRONMENT
IF YOU SEE ME POSTING OUTSIDE OF THE AUSPOL THREAD PLEASE TELL ME THAT I'M MISSED AND TO START POSTING AGAIN


So who's going to make a documentary about this guy? He's be the perfect subject, and it would be even creepier than the Jandek or Daniel Johnston docos.

corn in the bible
Jun 5, 2004

Oh no oh god it's all true!


Count Chocula posted:

So who's going to make a documentary about this guy? He's be the perfect subject, and it would be even creepier than the Jandek or Daniel Johnston docos.

It'd be easy to do research because literally every aspect of his life is documented by him already.

Bongo Bill
Jan 17, 2012

Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Monk make thee?

Went looking for weirdos and found a genuine crank. It's like treasure!

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix? We just don't know.



Buglord

I don't know how many of you listen to the F Plus podcast but our good pal Jabrosky is on their submitted comment list. I hope that we'll hear more about him soon.

They also did a great episode on Tropertales back when those existed. http://thefpl.us/index.php?option=c...atid=1:podcasts

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat


Gravy Boat 2k

Antivehicular posted:

There's also a sequel song to this, "Die Die Die!!!", where the evil hairstylist is beheaded (!) by her would-be victim, because God forbid it be implied a woman ever wins or even survives.
Yeah, because her being the villain of the song has nothing to do with it at all.

(Not saying that she wasn't obviously the villain because of her womanhood, but sheesh, what a myopic reading.)

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Yeah, because her being the villain of the song has nothing to do with it at all.

(Not saying that she wasn't obviously the villain because of her womanhood, but sheesh, what a myopic reading.)

Well, yes, but my point being that he wasn't content to just leave the song be where the villain wins, probably specifically because she was a female villain -- instead of the mad bomber dude, whose mission continues even after his death. I mean, maybe I'm not giving the Dozerfleet Founder enough credit here, but come on.

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012



College Slice

My guess, based on reading the interminable self-wiki, is that Evil Hair Maiden's "evil" is that she thought he was creepy as gently caress and asked her colleagues to cut his hair instead of her.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

AlbieQuirky posted:

My guess, based on reading the interminable self-wiki, is that Evil Hair Maiden's "evil" is that she thought he was creepy as gently caress and asked her colleagues to cut his hair instead of her.

My guess is "was professional and didn't flirt with him," based on the "utilitarian" comment, but I agree that it has to be some variation on "didn't give the Dozerfleet Founder enough attention." God knows dudes like this hate when service employees don't fawn over them.

projecthalaxy
Dec 27, 2008

Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son


Man we are all going to be so shocked when Dozerfleet turns out to be an old black lady.

corn in the bible
Jun 5, 2004

Oh no oh god it's all true!


Just thought I should point out that there is a Dozerfleet Forum hosted on the wiki. All of the posts are by the one guy.

Oxxidation
Jul 22, 2007

a negative influence


crowfeathers posted:

Just thought I should point out that there is a Dozerfleet Forum hosted on the wiki. All of the posts are by the one guy.

The thought occurs to me of what this freak would have done without the internet as an outlet.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018


Oxxidation posted:

The thought occurs to me of what this freak would have done without the internet as an outlet.

Diaries. Lots and lots of diaries full of weird, disturbing scribblings.

And probably not much else, because I seriously doubt this dude can even talk to another person without stammering and stuttering and eyeing the floor.

Nintendo Kid
Aug 4, 2011

Trophy-ko says:
~death to capitalism~

Hilalry is 45


Oxxidation posted:

The thought occurs to me of what this freak would have done without the internet as an outlet.

The exact same stuff, on paper and videotape.

Lottery of Babylon
Apr 25, 2012

STRAIGHT TROPIN'



Sham bam bamina! posted:

Yeah, because her being the villain of the song has nothing to do with it at all.

(Not saying that she wasn't obviously the villain because of her womanhood, but sheesh, what a myopic reading.)

His rapestats post two pages ago mentioned that more than 10% of the women in his meticulously detailed fictional universe are beheaded. It's not exactly "myopic" to conclude that the guy with an established thing for beheading women might have had this woman beheaded because she's a woman, it's common sense. He's not exactly hiding his fetish for beheading women, he's advertising it.

RoeCocoa
Oct 23, 2010



Mors Rattus posted:

Diaries. Lots and lots of diaries full of weird, disturbing scribblings.

And probably not much else, because I seriously doubt this dude can even talk to another person without stammering and stuttering and eyeing the floor.

I don't know; he did manage enough face-to-face communication to (sort of) make a movie. Barring that, there's always the Francis E. Dec technique of stapling typewritten rants to prepaid business reply cards.

(And of course TV Tropes has a Francis E. Dec page. He's listed as a creator.)

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Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat


Gravy Boat 2k

Lottery of Babylon posted:

His rapestats post two pages ago mentioned that more than 10% of the women in his meticulously detailed fictional universe are beheaded. It's not exactly "myopic" to conclude that the guy with an established thing for beheading women might have had this woman beheaded because she's a woman, it's common sense. He's not exactly hiding his fetish for beheading women, he's advertising it.
Oh, duh. I don't know how I forgot that. Still doesn't really have anything to do with women "winning", though.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at Nov 11, 2013 around 07:23

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