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Bob Morales
Aug 18, 2006

HYPER-THREADING


We have 75 male employees here and 2 shitters

not enough

here's my poop math calculations



Seriously hate when I have to poo poo and can't find an open one for a half hour

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Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS


Bob Morales posted:

We have 75 male employees here and 2 shitters

not enough

here's my poop math calculations



Seriously hate when I have to poo poo and can't find an open one for a half hour

You could use Erlang calculations to work out the optimal number of toilets for a given volume of poops per hour if you have an average waiting time that you want to achieve. Even without doing the maths I agree that 2 toilets is not enough. We have something like 100-150 people on each floor here, so about 75 blokes, and a minimum of three male toilets and three urinals per floor.

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

wakey wakey to
this bowl of tasty


Yams Fan

Looks like you just invented a new compression algorithm.

meanieface
Mar 27, 2012

During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.

Bob Morales posted:

We have 75 male employees here and 2 shitters

not enough

here's my poop math calculations



Seriously hate when I have to poo poo and can't find an open one for a half hour

We usually have about <15 male employees in office, two toilets total, and the dudes regularly use the ladies' because There Are More Men Here. They've asked that the gender signs be removed. From only the ladies'.

Gunjin
Apr 27, 2004

Om nom nom

Bob Morales posted:

We have 75 male employees here and 2 shitters

not enough

here's my poop math calculations



Seriously hate when I have to poo poo and can't find an open one for a half hour

OSHA actually has rules for that. With 75 male employees there should be at least 3 sit down toilets (4 total toilets but you can replace some fraction with a urinal).

https://www.osha.gov/pls/oshaweb/ow...NDARDS&p_id=202

mewse
May 2, 2006



xzzy posted:

Looks like you just invented a new compression algorithm.

... middle out?!

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

MC Fruit Stripe posted:

Dicktrauma, interested to hear more about what's going on there when you're ready to talk.

It's a crap situation with no entertainment value, but thank you.

EDIT: Not a crap situation like only two lavs for 75 people though.

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

wakey wakey to
this bowl of tasty


Yams Fan

mewse posted:

... middle out?!

No, queue compression. Poo keeps backing up into your colon as you wait for a toilet to free up and it gets squeezed into diamonds, depositing extremely dense data into the toilet. Great for archival.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless you, ants. Blants.




Fun Shoe

Scheduled making GBS threads Service

spog
Aug 7, 2004

I seem to smell the stench of appeasement in the air.

Bob Morales posted:

We have 75 male employees here and 2 shitters

not enough

here's my poop math calculations



Seriously hate when I have to poo poo and can't find an open one for a half hour

This deserves a multi-page powerpoint presentation.

mewse
May 2, 2006



xzzy posted:

No, queue compression. Poo keeps backing up into your colon as you wait for a toilet to free up and it gets squeezed into diamonds, depositing extremely dense data into the toilet. Great for archival.

Ok but what if we could cram 2 dudes into each stall and then have a guy making GBS threads in the urinal, we'd have to run a garden hose and account for the 2 minutes it takes to rinse the poo poo down the urinal grate, I think we could increase the transfer rate immensely

Flipperwaldt
Nov 11, 2011

Won't somebody think of the starving hamsters in China?



Bob Morales posted:

Seriously hate when I have to poo poo and can't find an open one for a half hour
Just kick the current user by remoting in.

Methylethylaldehyde
Oct 23, 2004


Flipperwaldt posted:

Just kick the current user by remoting in.

On the ceiling of the stall, a small hatch opens, plays the windows welcome noise, then a huge turd starts to poke through before falling straight down into the toilet. Currently logged on user has ~5 seconds to save their work before vacating, lest there be a collision.

MF_James
May 8, 2008
I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE


Methylethylaldehyde posted:

On the ceiling of the stall, a small hatch opens, plays the windows welcome noise, then a huge turd starts to poke through before falling straight down into the toilet. Currently logged on user has ~5 seconds to save their work before vacating, lest there be a collision.

Man, there's gotta be a good 3-way handshake joke here, but I'm too loving tired.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless you, ants. Blants.




Fun Shoe

Methylethylaldehyde posted:

On the ceiling of the stall, a small hatch opens, plays the windows welcome noise, then a huge turd starts to poke through before falling straight down into the toilet. Currently logged on user has ~5 seconds to save their work before vacating, lest there be a collision.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JQF-c3ROSA

Thanatosian
Apr 16, 2013

Angrier, Bitterer Man


Grimey Drawer

MANime in the sheets posted:

Keep the phone on you with vibrate as high as possible along with an annoying ringer on max. Might not work, but both sensations combined might.

How do you wake up for work, especially on >8 hours (or whatever you're used to)?

My computer plays "My Generation" progressively louder (seven total alarms set). I sleep through them (or half wake up and turn them off) about once every two or three months, but I don't want to disturb the neighbors. It's been less of a problem since I started working a 9:30-6:00 shift, but still makes me nervous.

A doctor I suggested it could be apnea, but my Fitbit seems to report a fairly regular sleep pattern, I'm just a heavy sleeper.

Methylethylaldehyde
Oct 23, 2004



They didn't adjust the line-out levels right.

SEKCobra
Feb 28, 2011


Thanatosian posted:

My computer plays "My Generation" progressively louder (seven total alarms set). I sleep through them (or half wake up and turn them off) about once every two or three months, but I don't want to disturb the neighbors. It's been less of a problem since I started working a 9:30-6:00 shift, but still makes me nervous.

A doctor I suggested it could be apnea, but my Fitbit seems to report a fairly regular sleep pattern, I'm just a heavy sleeper.

Have you looked at alternative alarm methods? Light in particular?

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

wakey wakey to
this bowl of tasty


Yams Fan

Or how about a giant solenoid that punches the bed when it's time to wake up.

bull3964
Nov 18, 2000

DO YOU HEAR THAT? THAT'S THE SOUND OF ME PATTING MYSELF ON THE BACK.

Get a home phone system that connects to your cell phone via Bluetooth. It will ring though no matter what your volume settings of the phone are and you could put a handset right next to your pillow.

anthonypants
May 6, 2007



Dinosaur Gum

bull3964 posted:

Get a home phone system that connects to your cell phone via Bluetooth. It will ring though no matter what your volume settings of the phone are and you could put a handset right next to your pillow.
I have a home phone system that connects to my cell phone without bluetooth.

Johnny Aztec
Jan 29, 2005


xzzy posted:

Or how about a giant solenoid that punches the bed your dick when it's time to wake up.

Khisanth Magus
Mar 30, 2011

Vae Victus

Hahaha, I'm so glad I've started to update my resume and putting feelers out there. After being passed over for promotion, which now has me in the hilarious position of being the most skilled and experienced developer on my team but also the lowest ranked person, I had my monthly one-on-one meeting with my manager. He said that he and his boss wanted to give me a raise even if they didn't feel like they could promote me for whatever bullshit reasons, but the VP that has to approve all raises/promotions denied it.

gently caress it, I'm out of here as soon as I can find another gig.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless you, ants. Blants.




Fun Shoe

xzzy posted:

Or how about a giant solenoid that punches the bed when it's time to wake up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVzn1pl4nlo

Zamboni Apocalypse
Dec 29, 2009


Thanks Ants posted:

Stop sending proposals to customers with obvious spelling and grammatical errors in

Oh, you mean like the process documentation and QA logsheets that were used for our ISO<mumblemumble> certifications and customer documentation that our products conformed to spec? That *all* had really blatant and stupid typos? (Like, stupider than my normal typing, even.) (This was -3 jobs backs, at the plastics plant.)

I was fairly :dogstare: that everything was so derped, but as time (years) went by and *no one* noticed/commented/fixed poo poo, I just let it go and made sure my rear end was covered. :|

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

That bathroom situation brings to mind a whole different sort of race condition.

Winner take all!

Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS


Dick Trauma posted:

That bathroom situation brings to mind a whole different sort of race condition.

Winner take all!



All poops now high speed low drag.

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

I worked at a high profile non-profit where the President's office had its own bathroom. It was a conspicuous door right next to the desk that opened outward, into the office. The arrogant shitbird that became President partway through my time there liked to schedule meetings with people and have them sit and wait in the office so he could make a WWE style triumphant entrance from the bathroom, complete with odious wafting of poop-breeze.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless you, ants. Blants.




Fun Shoe

MC Fruit Stripe
Nov 26, 2002

When life gives you lemons DANCE DANCE DANCE!

Paid in part by CF


There's power moves, then there's that. Sheesh.

When I was a teenager, I dated a girl whose dad had Money. His home office included a private bathroom which opened directly into office. I mention this because this is the only scenario, your private residence, in which your bathroom should be opening into your office.

I like to think I'm a pretty keep it together guy, but I don't even know how to react if I'm sitting alone in your office and you arrive from your bathroom. My brain can't process that many absurdities at once.

MC Fruit Stripe fucked around with this message at Jun 28, 2017 around 17:55

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

I earned the black, crackled crust that envelopes my shriveled, pea-sized soul.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless you, ants. Blants.




Fun Shoe

That racing toilet seat should really have belts

Johnny Aztec
Jan 29, 2005


It really needs to have a shifter knob sticking up somewhere.

Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

Bless you, ants. Blants.




Fun Shoe

rndmnmbr
Jul 3, 2012



I wanted to make a comment about how the Oval Office has a directly adjoining shitter, but then I remembered who's currently in that office, and...

Dick Trauma posted:

The arrogant shitbird that became President partway through my time there liked to schedule meetings with people and have them sit and wait in the office so he could make a WWE style triumphant entrance from the bathroom, complete with odious wafting of poop-breeze.

Yeah.

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012



Remember President Johnson.

http://knowledgenuts.com/2013/08/20...-on-the-toilet/

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Jeoh
Jul 20, 2010



rndmnmbr posted:

I wanted to make a comment about how the Oval Office has a directly adjoining shitter, but then I remembered who's currently in that office, and...


Yeah.

Pee tapes.

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