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It's not a "critical race condition" when we update that data manually once a year, goddammit.
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Jun 13, 2018 02:18
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Ticket from a sales rep: how do i edit this contact's phone number? Me: go to the contacts tab and click edit. Sales rep: okay, now how do i edit an address? Me: :headdesk:
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Jul 9, 2018 22:54
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This employee who was with the company for 17 years quit without notice, can you automate all her tasks?
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Jul 13, 2018 04:06
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I would blow Dane Cook posted:What's the job equivalent of I believe it is 
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Sep 26, 2018 02:41
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CEO: we need a loyalty program Me: well, we can't really do that without unique codes on the products CEO: i hired India to make an app so people can photograph receipts that we can manually validate and then manually adjust loyalty point balance Me: ...
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Oct 17, 2018 21:10
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Scaramouche posted:Smile.io or LoyaltyLion are your friend We sell products to resellers who then sell it to the consumers; our business isn't online-only.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:52
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Inspector_666 posted:I mean, Ally bank used to be GMAC, which was a big player in the subprime crisis. They just rebranded as the "Bank that cares about you, the customer" and nobody's the wiser. My all time favorite joke in the Simpsons from the episode where they buy the pool; the sign on the store says: "POOL SHARKS, where the buyer is our chum"
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Oct 24, 2018 19:34
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We started down the PCI compliance path when I discovered the previous IT team had been storing CC numbers, expiration dates, CCV codes, and full address in plaintext. Thousands and thousands of them.
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Nov 28, 2018 22:02
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Apparently not one person in the accounting department can create new reports. So I get tasked personally by the CEO whenever he wants to see numbers. I'm the full stack web engineer. So I dig into the raw database and pull out some numbers. Then I get asked why these numbers don't match accounting's numbers. Because I've never been allowed to look at accounting's reports to see how they do it. Did I mention that I wrote the CRM that everyone but accounting uses on a daily basis? These numbers really need to come from accounting, I say. Then the CEO asks me for three more reports. I cannot wait to get out of this place. #fml
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Mar 20, 2019 05:50
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Eikre posted:Dude, you missed a chance to put yourself in a way better place with this. "Well, I don't have any training in accounting, but I'll do my best! I'll be right back with an amendment to my terms of employment for you to sign, you know, since this is the kind of thing that normally people need to be licensed for, we just gotta indemnify me real quick from any legal or fiduciary malpractice that results from my completely unqualified participation. Then I'll email Bob from accounting straight away to tell him that you need him to come to my office immediately to collaborate; I'll CC you on it, but don't worry about it. I'll make it my first priority, I'm hoping it will only take us about $three-times-as-long-as-you-actually-need!" How did you know his name is Bob? Anyway, my manager is pushing to let me examine the report accounting uses so I can at least scrape the right WHERE clause of finance codes and invoice types. Anyone need a full-stack web developer with experience in marketing, customer portals, and custom sales CRMs? Willing to relocate once my lease is up in August...
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Mar 22, 2019 16:47
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When they downgrade the quality of the toilet paper in the bathroom, it's time to
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Apr 5, 2019 16:32
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We're going to start using a web based project management client. Each board can support many individual tasks and deadlines, and groups tasks together based on project. Great! Better than the 2-3 page bullet list of tasks handed out every Monday and this place is in desperate need of better organization and visibility on projects. "I'm going to name each board after a month, all projects will be in (current month), if a project is still being worked on, I'll move it to the next board. It'll be easier to see what's going on." :headdesk:
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May 22, 2019 18:58
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Khisanth Magus posted:Apparently my boss thinks I'm either a lier or incompetent. I checked repeatedly when he asked whether the index I created in our QA environment was still there, and it always was until they wiped the environment on Monday this week. Be glad your indexes work at all. The guy I inherited this IT mess from created multiple databases on the same SQL server and then created all the mission critical views by joining tables across databases. Dates stored as varchar, ID numbers stored as whitespace padded char values, no standard naming scheme (is it custno, customernumber, or custid this time?) Eugh.
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May 22, 2019 23:20
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I got reported to HR for supporting single payer healthcare.
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May 26, 2019 01:36
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"You're a secret devil worshipper!" Oh, it's not a secret.
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May 31, 2019 20:36
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"SKU1234" not found. Did you mean "SKU1234 "?
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Jun 8, 2019 16:25
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The CEO is on vacation so every email from him for the last two weeks has opened with "Hello from FIJI!!"
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Jun 17, 2019 19:46
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Hey boss, I was able to increase the amount of traffic our internal CRM can handle by 10 times over, saving literally thousands of man-hours every year. "Thanks, unrelated request: please paste the link to our customer newsletter to our newsletter archive." Cool. Cool and normal.
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Jul 3, 2019 23:02
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I was told by a manager once that 9-5 didn't count as an 8 hour day.
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Jul 12, 2019 00:16
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My CEO invited the whole marketing department to an "intimate casual" party at his house next week.
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Jul 13, 2019 17:04
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VP of Sales & Marketing demands we launch the new, heavily customized e-commerce site the week before our biggest sale of the year. It went as well as you imagine. Everyone in order processing hates me for changing their routine, everyone in customer support hates me for affecting customers, and the president of the company is sending the legal council around to my office to find out why sales are less than expected and why we're getting so much hate mail from our contact us form. The contractor we hired to get the e-commerce site over the line ignored my direct instructions twice when implementing some custom code related to UPS shipments, resulting in accounting hating me for their reports being wrong. Then he asked me where he could find log files on the server. I often weep in my car before going in to the office. We sell boutique-grade lotion, and I can hardly imagine a less important thing to care about.
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Jul 25, 2019 02:07
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ratbert90 posted:The rookie mistake is caring about your job. Thank christ I live in a weed-legal state.
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Jul 25, 2019 02:15
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neogeo0823 posted:I mean, did you CYA properly? Get the VPs demand in some form of traceable writing? Get the other stuff in writing? email/tickets/letters/meeting minutes/anything? This company communicates exclusively by email, so yes, there's a paper trail a year long. I just hate it when I have to do all the thinking for three different departments.
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Jul 25, 2019 02:35
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Sirotan posted:I really hope this is hyperbole. Even if it's not: dude, yotj. Well, not often, but it happens. I've been trying. I've got 20 years of experience but no degree, so nobody even looks at my resume. neogeo0823 posted:Then you should be more or less ok. First of May fucked around with this message at 02:45 on Jul 25, 2019 |
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Jul 25, 2019 02:40
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The Fool posted:Post your resume for critique of you'd like. Unless you live in a wasteland or your experience is actually 1 year 20 times, you should be able find new opportunities without major complications. I will when I'm more sober, thank you. oTHi posted:Came in to work 1.5 hours early for a website deployment (I'm there to validate data flowing in to our ERP). Left the office after 20 hours (around 2am), with the deployment having an addition 12+ hours remaining. Worked from home on 3.5 hours sleep for an additional 9 hours. FML. Webstill still buggy as poo poo. That feels like my life but even worse. High five, godspeed.
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Jul 25, 2019 04:51
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22 Eargesplitten posted:Yay, now that I know I’m not dying, my dumb drunk roommate let my cat out and now she’s missing. And he insists that she went in the crawlspace, when there are no paw prints or signs of her bumping into stuff or anything like that. I hope you find her. I used to have a roommate who let my indoor-only cat out, and I'm like, how goddamn stupid/malicious do you have to be.
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Jul 30, 2019 07:21
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Manager is rolling out new project planning requirements for the whole team, so things are better scheduled. Manager is also four weeks late on doing the team's annual reviews.
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Aug 2, 2019 21:19
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CFO: "I hate software, it's always buggy and isn't reliable." Also the CFO, proudly: "We've had our one-day-a-week contractor slowly rewrite the Sage 500 Accounts Receivable module piecemeal over the last decade." I'm not sure this guy can connect two thoughts together if he isn't using an Excel macro to do it.
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Aug 12, 2019 21:53
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We've been requesting permission to paint, put up art, or have any kind of office plant in the department to enliven the common areas for about half a year. Instead, they spent $10,000 rearranging the half-height cubes into 2x2 bullpens. You might remember my sob story about the awful ecommerce launch last month. Somebody suggested I post my resume for critique, so here is the anonymized version. I desperately want out of the beauty industry. Please feel free to point me to a more appropriate thread, if there is a better one than this for this sort of thing. https://www.dropbox.com/s/flzh2r01bgv43j8/Resume%20SA.pdf?dl=0
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Aug 30, 2019 21:37
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Our Magento contractor left an ancient version of adminer open to the public, and we got some malware on the site. Nobody but me sees this as a problem.
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Sep 24, 2019 08:13
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