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Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Can we get "gently caress printers" added to the OP please? THIS IS AFFECTING PRODUCTION!

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Lum
Aug 13, 2003



incoherent posted:

WHERE THE gently caress IS MY PAPERLESS OFFICE

Only thing worse than printers is lovely attempts to implement paperless offices.

Last one I got involved with:

- Users that are barely computer literate
- Scanners are already hosed because they keep putting stapled paper through it, scratching the glass strip on the read head.
- Massive data entry pools where people just type in poo poo from paper in an intray and move it to an outtray.
- Too cheap to go with dual monitors, "can't they just alt+tab between the image and the database"
- Most monitors are 17" 1280x1024
- Default build image set to 1024x768
- Users complain things are too small if you set the monitor to native
- Users complain that the images are blurry in the viewing app
- Manager has dual 26" 1920x1200 TFTs, one vertical, and it works fine for him, therefore it must be fine for everyone else

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Tab8715 posted:

Can't use any software that's not already on your machine. Open Source software is a security and legal liability.

No notepad++ for you.

I'll sell you a commercial licence for my product NotepadPlusPlus - it's exactly like Notepad++ only a different name in the titlebar, and the source code is really deeply buried on my website and that site doesn't contain any of those open source icons or links to sourceforge.

A snip at 99.99, currently on sale from its usual price of 299.99.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Bob Morales posted:

Instead of using Microsoft Visio, which I've used for years and is kind of the standard diagram/flowchart program, I'm forced to use SmartDraw, which my boss bought because it was $199 instead of $299 for Visio. Cheap gently caress.

Reminds me of the Win3.1 -> NT4 migration at my first job, only replace "Visio" with "CorelDraw" and "SmartDraw" with "Powerpoint 97".

CorelDraw was really good for technical diagrams back in the day. PowerPoint, not so much.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



GargleBlaster posted:

Hadn't realised how much I miss that guy being in charge, and that kind of "friendly, respectful and appreciative of your efforts" culture we used to have.

/nostalgia

So reading between the lines. Your good boss has gone and your place is now a shithole that is pissing you off daily?

Just to bring this thread back up to the required level of cynicism.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



GargleBlaster posted:

The other top boss is reasonable enough to me (though not to everyone. I think he's given up trying to have a PA. They all used to come into our office and vent about his tantrums, and mysteriously disappear one day!) but the problem is he comes with a family and I'm pretty sure they all watch BBC Apprentice. So the culture has shifted more towards bitching, finger-pointing and the "if we act happy about anyone's work they won't improve" philosophy

gently caress the Apprentice, and gently caress Alan Sugar. Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of using an Amstrad product should know that whatever his business processes may achieve, they will not produce a quality product.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



GargleBlaster posted:

I never figured out how they stayed profitable when they were churning out stuff like this



Ahahaha, that loving thing.

How they sold that was "suitable for old people", so that people who couldn't be bothered to buy grandma a Windows 95 machine, and then spend an eternity fixing it, could buy one of those so they could avoid having to handwrite letters to gran.

TWBalls posted:

All we get from our printer repair company are refurbs as well.

Pictured this as receiving a package from the printer company and in it is a 3 legged cat.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



underlig posted:

That i today, after fiddeling with it since thursday morning, learned that the reason i can't do windows update on a freshly installed XP is because IE8 and KB2870699 wasn't installed. (Just 100% cpu for 24+ hours for the windows update service). (And that microsoft.com makes IE6 lock up for 30+ seconds)

That i had to learn how to get windows update to run on a freshly installed XP (EOL:ed software that only works there with printers and everything).

That i felt like i couldn't ask here if anyone's had problems with XP and windows update lately because i figured i would get told to do what the frog says..

Please tell me you at least started with an XP SP3 install CD!

As for that last comment. Thanks, I'm now imagining this song only with the line changed to "What does the frog say".

Lum fucked around with this message at Sep 29, 2013 around 18:51

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



GargleBlaster posted:

Ring ding ding dinga dinga ding ding
Doooooooooooong

Naturally!

Oh gently caress.

You didn't.

*downloads that song, and one of the crazy frog remixes, fires up virtual DJ*

I hate you.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



GargleBlaster posted:

Not as much as you hate yourself, I'm sure.

Well it turns out that the two songs don't mix as well as I thought, and it worked best when I put in less effort. So here is a quick and dirty cut I threw together in 10 minutes in Virtual DJ. Couldn't get the video to sync

Posting it here because it's thanks to you fucks that this even exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB05ShKnESk

Lum fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2013 around 00:00

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



GargleBlaster posted:

Clearly my standards are different as I thought that was quite well mixed

Compared to some of my others, that one really is poorly done. Unfortunately the more effort I put into it, the worse it sounded, the two songs don't mix as well as I thought.

This post totally not a shameless plug for my mashups, erm.. gently caress printers. see!

Edit: Software poo poo actually pissing me off. Virtual DJ always spits out out of sync videos. Anyone want to try and fix this: http://www.lum.co.uk/temp/Ylvis%20v...0frog%20say.avi

Lum fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2013 around 03:45

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Well, only tangentially related to IT work, but definitely an IT related rant.

gently caress Virtual DJ's video encoder, gently caress it forever. It's basically impossible to make it produce an AVI that doesn't go out of sync, and it isn't even a constant drift either.

In the end I gave up and recorded the loving thing using Fraps. This still decided to eat the video after the fourth cut, but it looks good enough and I've put far too much effort into this thing already.

http://tumblr.lum.co.uk/post/626706...es-the-frog-say

Lum
Aug 13, 2003





I too, think of headbutting my CRT when faced with a Lotus product.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



WD Greens are fine when used for their intended purpose.

It's just the cheap bastards putting them into RAID controllers that give them a bad reputation.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Char posted:

I need a gently caress Printers t-shirt or something like that.
We bought a bunch of new Sharp printers, to find out that Sharp on Mac OSX released only the PS drivers. And to enable PS printing, you need to buy a module. What the hell.
And my colleague is looking for crazy workarounds (foomatic, gutenprint) which do not state support on those specific printers.

gently caress printers.

Does the Sharp support PCL? Might have luck just using the LaserJet4 driver or something.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



poo poo that amuses me, but is probably pissing someone off right now:

Amuses me because of who it happened to, note the URL.

Lum fucked around with this message at Oct 8, 2013 around 10:09

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



guppy posted:

Oh dear.

I still use AVG, so I temporarily turned off program and definition updates temporarily when I saw this. Is that too paranoid, do you think?

It was a DNS poisoning attack apparently, so I guess it depends where the updates come from. Chances are they just changed the front page however.

Volmarias posted:

By kids who can't even spell check their graffiti

Well to be fair, if they are Palestinian as they claim, then English won't be their first language.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



QPZIL posted:

All you need to know how to spell is "hack.exe -avg.com /upload hackedpage.txt --no-detection"

At least that's how I assume it works, based on the movies I've seen.

Actually this was a DNS poisoning attack I believe,

Obligatory movie hacking related post:

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Is there actually any compelling reason to go to Office 2013 at all. This in the context of a home user who currently has the 3 user family pack for Office 2010.

So far I've heard nothing but complaints which may or may not be true.

lovely installer, lovely licensing model, enforced cloud bullshit.

What are the actual advantages?

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



One of my customers rebooted their Dell server the other day. Because of reasons, this one server is on a remote site.

It didn't come back up.

Turned out the DRAC card was being pissy about something and demanding that someone press F1 on the physical keyboard to continue.

That's right, the card that makes it easier to remote manage servers prevented this server from being able to reboot cleanly without someone physically present.

Thanks Dell.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Oddhair posted:

I can't really say what the advantages are for home users, the big one I'm seeing a lot of is that Lync is part of Office 2013 Pro Plus, and is installed along with it. For any company staying up to date, that's one less license to deal with. The 2013 Office 365 installer adds a string to the download that associates the install with a particular Office365 account, which is yards better than the Online Services Sign-In Assistant that went along with 2010. A couple of our users just couldn't be authenticated against their servers, so their Office license would time out after 30 days (though in practice this never happened, of course.

See with 2010, I didn't have to create an account anywhere, and I haven't had to create one to use it. I just make documents and save them to my NAS or whatever.

As for Lync, can't comment our company doesn't use it, even though we really could do with it after the office closure fiasco that made the entire team into homeworkers.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Zamboni Apocalypse posted:

Wonder if I should put in my vacation request now for the local WorldCon in 2015...

Is that the one in London, or is that 2014? (Not sure as my GF is organising our trip to this con)

I'm going to that, and as soon as we've finished getting borged into the new company I'm putting in requests for all the cons I'm doing this next couple of years.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

We hired a new person! They're supposed to be at approximately the same level of experience/usefulness as me. Here's hoping my life gets less stressful shortly.

This is where you find out your boss thinks you are a useless scrub who can barely manage to reimage a PC using a pre-made Ghost boot CD, and hired someone at that level.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Antioch posted:

I've had one system, part of the new online/mobile rollout we're doing, change names 4 times in 2 weeks, depending entirely on which yahoo you're talking to.
Well that's what you get for doing business with a search company that hasn't been relevant since the 90s, and whose best plan to become relevant was to buy Tumblr and ruin it.

Sorry, I am not feeling very helpful today, but I will try to solve your acronym issues:

Antioch posted:

The Integration Web Server is either IWS
Incompetent Web Service

Antioch posted:

FGS (gateway server)
loving Gateway Server

Antioch posted:

SFX (gently caress me running I have no idea)
Stupid loving... I dunno, Exchange.

Antioch posted:

But integration includes the ESB

Lum fucked around with this message at Oct 16, 2013 around 12:07

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



skipdogg posted:

It's not that difficult either if you A) Know what the gently caress you're doing and B) Set the environment up right.

I get so tired of lovely admins that don't know what they're doing, or companies that won't fund their critical infrastructure properly. The worst end user experience during our email migration was having to restart Outlook. Maybe I'm loving spoiled or something because my company isn't afraid to spend money on IT. Our Office365 E3 sub costs us drat near 7 figures a year.

Pretty much the entirety of my career as been with lovely companies that wont spend money, including some that wont even let their IT staff work outside 9-5 as they don't trust them to lock the building when done. I've spent my time trying to get as close to doing it right as possible and making things happen with what I have available, and I'm pretty drat good at it. Of

You're lucky to work for a place that is willing to invest. But don't knock those who are forced to work with what they have.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Crowley posted:

They're called cloverleaf? Over here it's called a Mickey Mouse plug.

"That stupid plug that only laptops use"

I think it's actually a 3 pin variant of a Telefunken (aka that stupid plug that tape recorders used in the 80s) but nobody will know what you mean if you call it that.

The existence of that plug is poo poo that pisses me off. Would it really be such a problem to use a kettle lead like everything else.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



nitrogen posted:

I still dont know wtf a telefunken cable is. (Is it a variant of XLR cable, or is that just what you brits call XLR cables?)

This is a telefunken lead:



Still used today by some set-top boxes etc.

I always assumed the laptop one was the 3-pin version of it.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



HalloKitty posted:

I've known that for some time, but I like the pure Britishness of referring to a lead after a tea-making implement so much, that I not only let it slide, but endorse this misuse.

If you google image search for kettle lead. You have to scroll down a bit before you even find a picture of an actual kettle lead.

quote:

I don't mind if someone says "oh, but did you know that real kettle leads have a notch (xbox 360 PSU uses one of these too!)" then we can go back to calling it a kettle lead.

There is a certain beauty that the 1st gen XBox 360, of all devices, is the one that uses the high temperature version of the lead!

Khisanth Magus posted:

Apparently even if we don't have any work that needs done we are still supposed to call in to the 10am meetings on Saturday and Sunday. Which is slightly inconvenient for me because I have a sleeping disorder which causes me to gradually get more and more sleep deprived as the week goes on and the weekend is the only time i have to catch up on sleep, so getting up for 10am conference calls is slightly inconvenient, and detrimental to my work the following week(and my sanity).

I have that one, but the cause for my current lost sanity isn't a 10am conference call, it's that my neighbour (who is thankfully moving out soon) put a motherfucking piano against the other side of my bedroom wall, and their child who I've never seen but I can only assume they have 10 thumbs, gets piano lessons at 8AM on a Saturday, and then around lunch time it's apparently the 10 thumbed family singalong that includes an acoustic guitar and some other instruments that I can't identify but appear to have been made from feline vocal chords.

I'm going to load drum loop in VirtualDJ, sync the speed to match their playing and pretend it's the Skrillex remix of Country Road, or whatever the hell it is they're trying to play this time.

Lum fucked around with this message at Oct 21, 2013 around 18:49

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



MF_James posted:

Holy crap, that is ultra ignorant of them. I would load up angerfist, put the sub on the wall and the speakers facing their wall and put that poo poo on max volume. Bonus points if you put something like maniac killer on there, that will probably drive them to either A) go crazy or B) move out

They're moving out shortly anyway, only moved in here for a few month as their house got flooded, which is why I've decided not to be too much of a dick about it. The houses here have a really weird layout so they probably don't even know it's my bedroom.

One of these days I'll actually listen to Angerfist. Only thing I really know about them is people who can't read more than one word keep requesting them when I'm doing a happy hardcore set. (still sort of related to the topic, since my sets are online only)

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



rolleyes posted:

Like God!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlL4JwFx8Ck#t=88s


And since this is nicely off topic. I'm just going to add, I relayed that description of the neighbours to my girlfriend as I was rather proud of it, and she pointed out that they haven't actually done the piano thing for a couple of weeks now.

That made me curious, so I started trying to think of which event caused them to stop, took me a while but..

The best thing to stop noisy family get togethers next to your bedroom is, apparently, very loud mid-afternoon lesbian sex.

Good luck explaining that to your kid, fuckers.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Trastion posted:

I think you need to explain this.

One of my hobbies is being a DJ. I actually mix sets live using a little USB MIDI controller and some software. I usually get about 20-30 listeners, including a few regulars, but it's mostly a bit of fun. Here's one of my sets.

Since it's live and advertised as being a specific genre, that's what I do. In this case happy harccore which is mostly from the 90s, has speeds of 165-195bpm and tends to contain pianos, cheesy uplifting vocals and the good old 909 kick drum.

Rather different to modern hardcore, such as the Angerfist stuff described above, so it does my head in when some gently caress asks for Angerfist.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



MF_James posted:

Angerfist isn't happy hardcore, it's just hardcore, completely different ebb and flow to the music. Although hardcore has a wild variation even within itself, Angerfist is some of the more hardcore stuff you can find, but then you get stuff that people like Caffeine mix that is hardcore, but much lighter by comparison.

That was exactly my point.

Because when I advertise the event as being happy hardcore, and then half way through some gently caress sends me a PM asking me to play Angerfist, and then throws a fit when I tell them that even if I did have the song it wouldn't fit with this set anyway.

It'd be like if I was playing at a place that did classic rock, and someone wanted Cradle of Filth, or something like that.

Lum fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 00:25

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



SEKCobra posted:

Lum how does one listen to your sessions?

Three ways:

1) Point your favourite shoutcast client (VLC or WinAMP seem to be best) at http://dj.lum.co.uk:8000
2) If you use SecondLife, search for Club Zapp and come visit. (and don't judge, it gets me an audience ok?)
3) From time to time I put them on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/DeejayLum/videos

I imagine most goons would go for the first one.

Times are

Wednesday 8-10AM PDT - Oldskool
Friday 4-6AM PDT - Happy Hardcore

Genres subject to change depending on what kind of mood I'm in. Times given in PDT since I'm streaming into SL.

I guess I should stop this derail now though


vvvvvv I get comments like that a lot when I do a set

Lum fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 08:26

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



A voicemail came in, to my mobile phone.

Context: The product I support is always sold to one specific department at each of my customers, and in all but a few cases it always has the exact same name, lets call it the Muppet department for now.

Voicemail:

"Oh hi it's John from Muppets, everything is hosed we need you right now, call me back on 6437"

He then later complained that I never called back.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



^^^^ Thing is, I do do requests if they're appropriate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzTFv80E1A


A conversation on IRC (non-goon channel) has reminded me of one fucker I used to have to work with.

We were sharing an office with another division, this guy was the manager, and therefore also the office manager. I'll call him Fred. Our team consists of boss who never turns up and 5 devs, including me. I was also responsible for local servers. Fred never showed up except for meetings every couple of weeks.

So Fred used to go apeshit from time to time about dirty dishes left in the office. The culprits wern't us but the senior managers he was bringing in for his meetings. Eventually he got so fed up with "us" not cleaning the dishes that he removed all except for one fork, spoon, plate etc. and bring them in for his meetings.

This didn't solve the problem, and he blamed us for using them on the one day they were available.

Specifically he blamed me, and one day confronted me in the server room, where I'd borrowed one of the devs to help me rack some stuff, but right now he was behind the rack out of sight. Conversation went something like:

- Lum, you need to clean up your dirty dishes right now
   - Uhh what? I'm a bit busy here, why do I have to clean up your mess anyway?
- It's not my mess, I know it's you, you're always leaving the place a mess!
   - What do you mean?
- You're always overloading the bin (as in trash) with chip papers (as in the wrapping on British fish&chips) and Starbucks cups!
   - Wait what, that doesn't even make sense!

At which point the other dev chimes in from behind the rack.

   - Yeah Lum, get back in the kitchen and go and wash your dirty chip papers and disposable cups so someone else can use them.

I just burst out laughing at that, and a few seconds later the logic finally dawns on him (or perhaps the fact that the whole conversation was witnessed) and he storms out. When we finished the job it was noticed that the dishes had disappeared again.

Lum fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2013 around 12:05

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



adorai posted:

Is this a good place to bitch about vendors? I am sure every sysadmin is familiar with the vendor who points at your infrastructure over and over for their poorly performing application. I am dealing with one who even went so far as to email a senior vice president (banking, so not really that high up) about our lovely server performance. In their email, they gave some screenshots of some sql queries. I change one line in their examples, and lo and behold their minute+ queries execute in <1 second with the same result.

I loving hate these people.

Counterpoint:

For every one like you, I have 10 customers who do have completely hosed setups. Let me tell you about one. Bear in mind I'd driven for 5 hours to get to this place, of which 3 hours were spent in a jam on the M25.

What I found was:
  • 3 floors of a building filled with ageing SFF Dell GX620s with capacitors at various stages of bulging.

  • A network that had been initially configured with desktops forced to 100/full because the ancient Cisco switches they were using couldn't autonegotiate properly with gigabit machines, meaning they also had to force the switch ports to 100/ful.

  • Since that setup was put in place, it's seen several office rearrangements moving the desktops to switch ports that were still on auto, and also several re-images that set desktops back to auto, leading to a completely random combination of desktop and switch port speed settings.

  • Our server was in a different building on the other side of a car park, with a 100mbps link between buildings. Every time it rained connections to my application would drop randomly.
I'll admit that the application we resold wasn't great. It was always the most sensitive to network issues, and the most likely to corrupt its database.

However we'd told the customer many times that the application was no-longer fit for their purpose as they had grown too big since they first installed it in the early 2000s, and that they should upgrade to something designed for a larger scale org. Of course they don't want to, and they keep paying the support costs, so I keep getting sent there to patch the thing up when it fails.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



I'd be tempted to do BYOD by just making a VMWare player appliance with the standard corporate desktop image on it.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



CatsOnTheInternet posted:

That's certainly an interesting approach. XenClient is as close as it comes to total client-side virtualization (imho) as it's basically a type 1 hypervisor that pulls a 'desktop VM' for the client device from a central store, caches it, and runs it locally as the user's OS.

Still, neither it nor VM Player hugs the bare metal close enough. First time an end-user wants to use Sketchup or play a 720p video in their VM, kaboom. (Unless you picked one of like, 12 laptop models that support GPU offload.)

Well I kind of figured you'd make them do non work poo poo outside of the VM under whatever OS the machine comes with.

Probably be easier to force them to use Citrix, thinking about it.

Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Humphreys posted:

Fake Edit: is there a general 'poo poo that pisses you off thread' that isn't purely IT related? I feel I skirt the edge of off topic with each post and I sure have more un-IT related poo poo that pisses me off everyday I would like to vent.

I think this thread has wondered off and on topic so often by now that it may as well be a general rant thread. It's like a whole little community in and of itself.

Failing that

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Lum
Aug 13, 2003



Every time I read about BYOD in this thread, I imagine the thread having a blue background, font set to comic sans and an animated gif of a cat in a hammock dangling from the top of the page.


I just wish the approach to BYOD was the same as Lowtax's approach to that forum.

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