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Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Hogburto posted:

"To overcome the first page curse, simply quote a Bible verse!"

Everything's too damned expensive these days! Look at this Bible I just bought. Fifteen bucks! And talk about a preachy book; everyone's a sinner! ...except this guy.

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Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Corte posted:

You know me I like my posts cold, my mods loud and my goons flaming.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Roark posted:

Well, sure, the Roarkiac-7 looks impressive...don't touch it...but I predict that within 100 years, computers will be twice as powerful, 10,000 times larger, and so expensive that only the five richest posters in YLLS will own them.

Hey Skeesix, they have the internet on computers now!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Writer Cath posted:

You haven't been around women for a looooooong time, have you?

He became Charlene back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


MondayHotDog posted:

You threw them out the window in a fit of passion. You said you were never going to need them again.

This became a hardcore pornography thread so gradually I hardly even noticed.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Moneypenny Dreadful posted:

I've got to stop fantasizing about Roark's Barry avatar Lee Majors.




....ehhhh, one more.

Moneypenny, stop blowing my sex! I mean your sax, your sax, stop it.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Luigi Thirty posted:

Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!

Hey there, Blimpie Boy.... flying through the air so fancy-free...

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Hogburto posted:

Desserts aren't always right.

Mmm, sacrilicious.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


BloodDesk UnderHell posted:

The guy's so high. He doesn't even know that's Dave!

Whoa, man--my shoes are talking to me!

Don't worry, Everything--we won't hurt you. We only want to have some fun...

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


ebilflindas posted:

Das ist nicht eine boobie!

No one who speaks German could be an evil man!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Funky See Funky Do posted:

'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in good fun.

Immig'ants! I knew it was them. Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Drink-Mix Man posted:

Dear Mr. Simpson, I've taken the liberty of preparing your speech on the enclosed numbered 3x5 cards. All the big words are spelled FO-NEH-TIC-ALL-LY.

Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Drink-Mix Man posted:

Come on, Locust. It's like kissing a peanut!

Drink-Mix, I don't want that thing in my house.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Funky See Funky Do posted:

I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was... E.T., The Extraterrestrial. I love that little guy.

Goons, let me tell you about another so-called wicked guy. He had long hair, and some wild ideas, and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was... I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Cookie, you know who I'm talking about! He used to drive that blue car.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


ShaqDiesel posted:

Well here we are, the star of The Blue Lagoon, and me, a blue haired goon... what the?

Now for my favorite part of the forum... What does that say? Talk to the audience? Ugh, this is always death...

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Do over Ham posted:

I only-a consider you scum compared-a to Krusty.

Hey Moe! What's-a da matter? You no-a speaka with your accent no more!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Luigi Thirty posted:

Wanna comb it?

I don't know what you have planned for this evening, Luigi, but count me out.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!



Charlie, as you know, we've been swimming, and we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the only way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal to would result in months and months of

Can we have a pool dad?
Can we have a pool dad?
Can we have a pool dad?
Can we have a pool dad?
Can we have a pool dad?

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Luigi Thirty posted:

Dead tired of baby proofers who don't give a free estimate!

Yeah, I probably won't be able to get the parts I need for two, three weeks and that's if I order them today--which I won't.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


IMJack posted:

And that's the tooth!



Oops, I left the gas on.



IMJack, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. No, really, I can't! It's a serious problem.



What are we all laughing about?

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Jerusalem posted:

Is that what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about?

Get out of my way, all of you! This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Do over Ham posted:

Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.

Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV Generation! We feel neither highs nor lows.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Do over Ham posted:

What's it like?

Eh.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Drink-Mix Man posted:

Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Years of exposure to radiation has given me this otherworldly glow, and has left me as sterile as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Do over Ham posted:

Look, DrBouvenstein, I'm the jealous jockey!

I'm a torso!

Look, DrBouvenstein, Do over's stupid and I'm with him!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


jscolon2.0 posted:

Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish!

We had to use the word 'dickety,' because the Kaiser had stolen our word for twenty!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Jerusalem posted:

I can still eat corn on the cob if you mash it up into a fine paste... now that's good eatin'!

I told you, no ethnic foods!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Jorghnassen posted:

It's 11 o'clock, do you know where your children are?

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Do over Ham posted:

That sandwich took a bite out of me!

For the love of God help me! I've been stuck out here for four days and a turtle took my teeth! ...there he is! Come back here, you! I'll fix you! ...owww, he bit me with my own teeth!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Writer Cath posted:

I have a small part in a Broadway musical. It's not much, but it's a start.

Give me the rent! I must have the rent! Dollars, quarters, nickels; I need it all right now!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


DrBouvenstein posted:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.



I wanted a gif of Milhouse shooting a spitball at the cast of Cats but this might actually be better.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Mayo and Catsup posted:

Do I ever, it's five years later and I still think I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken, mrfart!

Look at me, I'm a famous historian! Out of my way!

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


MondayHotDog posted:

That's a bran muffin!

There's a bug on that.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


CharlieFoxtrot posted:

What? Uh, um, yeah, uh, I just, I just wanted to say how great it is to finally see some chicks on the bench.



The Catholic Church. We've made a few.... changes.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


CharlieFoxtrot posted:

Local goon Everything Counts, shown here twirling a gun while smoking a cigar, has given us this screencap. It's a Close Encounter... of the Blurred Kind


LOCUST FART HELL posted:

What a crappy screencap!


jscolon2.0 posted:

This fog is so thick, I can't see my own cataracts!

Uhhhhh.... it's my first day.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Writer Cath posted:

Delicious, but forbidden!

Mmm, sacrilicious.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Ainsley McTree posted:

That's Something Awful for you. One day you're the most important guy that ever lived, the next day you're some goon working in a box factory.

My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Cookie Kwan posted:

At least I'm not stuck at the cracker factory like Everything Counts.

I am the Angel of Death. The time of purification is at hand.

Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Jerusalem posted:

Oh sure we could smarten up the quotes for you like this, but when we'd have the duller goons posting in here, furrowing their brows and using emoticons in a vain attempt to understand the situation.

I'm losing my perspicacity!

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Everything Counts
Oct 10, 2012

Don't "shhh!" me, you rich bastard!


Drink-Mix Man posted:

(What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.)

TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!

That's it. I'm outta here.

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