Skunkrocker posted:

What the gently caress?

GenericMartini posted:

Kid takes on Hakushi and Kid wins by DQ when a masked Skunk character appears and attacks him. Post match The masked character gloats and grabs a mic. "Kid, I want you to know that I'm tired of you berating me, thinking you're the breakout star of our team." Kid is confused by the nonsense this mysterious man is jabbering about. "Kid, can't you tell a Rocker when you see one?" The Masked character unveils himself to be MARTY JANNETTY."I wanted you to be my friend, Kid. I wanted us to be partners, EQUALS! But no, you'd always get the victory. I WANTED TO WIN! I was always the guy who'd take the falls, the one you sent out against the monsters." Kid tries running after Jannetty, but Jannetty escapes from the ring to the ramp. "Well look at me now Kid, look at the guy who wanted to be your best friend, and you gave me nothing but disdain and derision. I'm a Kid Rocker no more! Thanks to you, I'm now a Skunkrocker, because you've stunk up my image by association." Kid, fed up, runs after the whiny Skunkrocker, but Jannetty scatters away.

Skunkrocker posted:

What the gently caress?

Skunkrocker posted:

JoeRules posted:

This world is too beautiful to live in.

Skunkrocker posted:

Part of me wants to ask WWF if they want the real Skunkrocker to start writing Marty's promos.

Then I remembered I work for WCW.

GenericMartini posted:

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

And?

USENET USER bluntman420RVD@hotmail.com posted:

LIVE PPV REPORT FROM WWF KING OF THE RING

Just got back from the latest WWF PPV in Milwaulkee, Wisconsin.

There were 3 dark matches, first Rick Martel beat Gary Albright in a dark match, which was nothing special. Then Jushin Liger beat Ace Steel with a Shooting Star Press, in a match that was a bit too long. Then HHH beat The All-American, Scotty Taylor with a pedigree in a surprisingly fun match.

We started off with a title match, where the Gunns faced off against the Dudleyz, and they still had uncle Zebekaiah. It was a pretty short match that ended with a sick 3D through a table for a DQ win for the Gunns.

Then we had another title match, where Pritchard and Candido had a good match for the IC belt, better than a lot of their recent TV stuff. Pritchard retained with the seated senton.

Then we got the first of tonight's King Of The Ring matches, Edge with Jake The Snake by his side against Owen Hart. It was good, and Owen looked good as always.

Then there was a Jushin Liger hype vid, a fun little anime short where he rescues a cat. Apparently he's on Raw tomorrow. eh.

Tatanka and Marc Mero had a nothing match where Tatanka went over.

Piper and Jericho had a fun little backstage segment where Piper gave Jericho a pep talk. Woo! Jericho is a good improviser, it seems.

Then one of my most anticipated matches of the night, Goldust/Undertaker. Taker dominated, but just couldn't manage to hit the Tombstone. Finally, Goldust got the Final Cut, and managed to get his feet on the ropes for leverage without the ref seeing him. Then Goldust coldcocked Bearer, took the urn, and LED TAKER AWAY! OH man, Undertaker is now under the control of Goldust!

Then we had the next KOTR match, with Stone Cold and Jericho. It was even until Jericho reversed a Stunner into this cool thing that he apparently calls the Codebreaker, kind of like a Backstabber but to the face. They are pretty good together.

After that, we got a hype video for Rick Martel, modeling with animals over some sad music while talking about how ugly someone's soul would have to be to abuse a pet. Fun enough, I suppose.

Then we got Mankind/Warrior, which I've been looking forward to for a while now. It was amazing. Mankind finally got Warrior to submit to the Mandible Claw after what must have been a full minute of Warrior screaming in agony. Then he kept it on, and the refs had to drag him away! I was marking out big time!

Then we had yet another hype video where some Brit called Dave squeezed himself some orange juice bare handed. A real man's man he is.

After that, we had the KOTR finals. Both men held on through each other's holds, and after Jericho got out of the Sharpshooter, Owen busted out a Piledriver! Jericho got his foot on the rope, but Cornette slapped it down before the ref noticed. What a sneaky little louse. Owen Hart is the new King Of The Ring.

Then we had Yokozuna/Vader. This was a pure power affair, where they just went full force at each other. Yoko almost had Vader with the Banzai Drop, but Vader stood up, and powerbombed Yoko for the pin. The match was a little dull, and Yoko was pretty obviously tired by the end. After, Mr. Fuji called to the back, and Tajiri, Hakushi, and Funaki came out to beat up Yoko! So that's what Kaientai was. Overall, kind of a disappointment after that cool arm wrestling match on Superstars.

Then it was the main event: Bulldog/HBK. HBK, as you'd expect, kept on his toes for the first part, but after some stretches from Bulldog, he wasn't so sprightly anymore. But he started to counter the holds, and it got intense, each guy looking to hit their finish. Bulldog had HBK up for the Running Powerslam by the end, but HBK powered out and hit the Sweet Chin Music, and with his last bit of strength, got the cover. Probably the best WWF match I've seen since Mania 12. Then when the cameras stopped rolling, Owen came out to ambush HBK, saying he's the King and soon enough he'll be the champ too.

All in all, a B affair. Pretty pretty solid stuff.

quote:

Then we got the first of tonight's King Of The Ring matches, Edge with Jake The Snake by his side against Owen Hart. It was good, and Owen looked good as always.

Golden Bee posted:

Congrats on WWF for their King of the Ring! I got confused when Bluntman420 said

because the winner wasn't listed, but then I saw Owen later and figured it out.

Golden Bee posted:

Congrats on WWF for their King of the Ring! I got confused when Bluntman420 said

because the winner wasn't listed, but then I saw Owen later and figured it out.

a robot posted:

BEEP BOOP HERE ARE RESULTS

DARK SEGMENT: Jeff Jarrett explains that he is an MMA enthusiast, and begins reading from a prepared list of holds that he has mastered under his coach, UFC Superfight Champion Dan "The Beast" Severn; the learned observer will note that every other move seems to simply be an alternate name for "rear naked choke." James Mitchell interrupts and introduces his newest client, and Jarrett's partner for the evening, a ghoulish masked man named Mortis.

DARK MATCH: Jeff Jarrett and Mortis defeat The Public Enemy when Jarrett hits the Gracie Special (a forward Russian legweep) on Rocco Rock. Coach Severn seems perturbed at Jarrett's reliance on his pro wrestling background. ANALYSIS: MORTIS AND MITCHELL HAVE ZERO CHEMISTRY.

DARK MATCH: Lance Storm and Christian Cage defeat State Patrol

DARK MATCH: Glacier defeats Lord Robert Brookside with a Cryon-Bomb. ANALYSIS: CROWD HATED MATCH

DARK MATCH: James + James defeat Fire and Ice when James chop-blocks Norton as he tries to powerbomb Maritato, and Maritato falls on top, hooking the ropes as leverage for the dirty pinfall. ANALYSIS: ICE TRAIN WAS OFF GAME

The Booty Man is in the ring. He calls out Hulk Hogan. Hogan comes down to the ring. Booty Man says "Say it ain't so, Hulk!" Booty Man talks the history of the two of them, dating back to the days of Terry Boulder and Dizzy Boulder. Booty Man says "I know there's still good in you, Hulk. Please, Hulk, don't go Hollywood on us." Hulk decks him with the AWA belt, screaming without the benefit of a microphone, "Good!? Of course I'm good--I'm the best! I'm the Hulkamania World Champion!" He stalks off. ANALYSIS: BOOTY MAN WAS BAD. HOGAN OUTCLASSED HIM.

Commisioner Curt Hennig, watching a monitor backstage with Deputy Commissioner Rick Rude, gripes to his fellow authority figure that he has had it with Hogan's ego trip. He explains that he doesn't care what Hogan calls it--he is holding the AWA World Heavyweight Championship, a title Hennig himself proudly and legitimately held, and he believes Hogan is desecrating it. Rude says that, if Hogan wants to carry a vanity belt around, he should be prepared to defend it like a true champion, any time, any place. Hennig agrees, and since he has full authority to make title matches in WCW, makes Hogan/Booty for the AWA World Heavyweight Title tonight.

The Freedom Towers introduce their new manager, James Mitchell. Mitchell talks briefly about how an Ice Age will soon arrive in WCW, and he is here to bring about the thaw...even if he has to rain down hellfire to do it.

The Freedom Towers defeat Los Guerreros when Mitchell distracts Chavo, perched on the top turnbuckle, just long enough to let Big Bubba Rogers recover and catch him coming in with the sidewalk slam.

El Hijo del Santo, who is put over by the commentators as a legend in the making in his native Mexico and the son of the world-renowned El Santo, defeats El Gato in the final first-round match of the Cruiserweight Title tournament. He picks up the submission with La de a Caballo.

Brian James introduces himself backstage to Commissioner Curt Hennig and Deputy Commissioner Rick Rude. He's excited to be working for WCW with his friend James Maritato. He says he and his partner have gotten tired of the climate up north--Maritato's a little sick of Philadelphia bingo halls, and James thinks the Stamford ketchup wraps just aren't doing it for him anymore. He says he and his partner Maritato love wrestling, and love wrestlers' varied personalities especially. Brian James impersonates Curt Hennig, making fun of him in the process. Rude laughs, but Hennig is not amused. Hennig says Nitro is set for tonight, but he and his partner can wrestle on Saturday Night. James thanks Hennig, then does a Rick Rude impression, making fun of his back injury. Hennig laughs, but Rude is not amused. ANALYSIS: BRIAN JAMES LOOKED LOST

Dusty Rhodes interviews Lance Storm backstage. Storm says WCW was impressed by his performance, and offered him a contract with the company. He accepted, and is glad to be a part of the worldwide leader in professional wrestling. Then the Nobility come out of nowhere and beat both men up, saying they've crossed the wrong Imperialists.

Video package: Raven and Perry Saturn debut on Saturday Night

Raven and Perry Saturn come out to the ring before their debut match. They call out Billy Kidman to watch. Kidman, with Madusa in toe, reluctantly comes out.

Raven and Perry Saturn defeat The American Males after Raven hits the Evenflow DDT on Scotty Riggs. Marcus Bagwell tries to break the pin, only to eat a Death Valley Driver from Saturn.

VK Wallstreet watches the Males' defeat on a monitor backstage, looking contented.

The Nobility (King Steven Regal, Duke Douglas Williams, and Sir Norman Smiley) defeat Lex Luger, Sting, and Disco Inferno when Regal kills Disco with a running knee strike. Luger and Sting are typically non-cooperative--Sting refuses to make tags out to Luger or accept tags from him. ANALYSIS: SIR NORMAN SMILEY WAS OFF GAME

Konnan defeats Ron Simmons by countout in a United States Championship rematch from the Great American Bash. Konnan hits a big sit-out facebuster from the apron to the floor during the course of the match, knocking Simmons loopy. Simmons tries to return to the ring despite this, making it to the apron at 9, but Teddy Long yanks him off at the last second, deciding discretion is the better part of valor. Simmons retains his title.

Road Warrior Hawk defeats Meng with a flying clothesline. Road Warrior Animal is on commentary, putting over Harlem Heat's tenacity in their Cleveland Street Fight, but says he isn't sure whether they deserve another title opportunity. ANALYSIS: NOT ENOUGH SELLING

Road Warrior Animal is jumped by Harlem Heat with a ladder attack as he goes to celebrate with Hawk. Hawk makes the save, putting himself at risk by throwing himself off the top turnbuckle to the floor and into the ladder, being held by both Booker T and Stevie Ray.

Hulk Hogan defeats the Booty Man rather handily with the big legdrop to retain the AWA World Heavyweight Championship. He is as insufferable a prick as ever, apparently still believing it's the Rock and Wrestling Era and he is the Second Coming.

Hulk Hogan, perhaps not done proving his point, removes his weight belt to continue the assault when Savage runs in for the save, causing Hogan to begin retreating up the ramp. Savage says Hogan's a big man when he thinks he's holding all the cards, but Savage has an ace up his sleeve--he's pinned Hogan one-on-one in the middle of the ring without a shadow of a doubt, and Hogan's ego can't handle that. Hulk's face shows that this may indeed be true. Savage says that, if Hogan wants to prove he is truly the best and Hulkamania is the strongest, he'll face Savage again at Bash at the Beach...for the AWA World Heavyweight Championship. Hogan defiantly raises the belt in the air in response; it looks like he accepts. ANALYSIS: SAVAGE LOOKED GREAT

"Blood Runs Cold" video teaser: Glacier hits the Cryon-Splash. "GLACIER."

The Giant defeats Kevin Sullivan with the chokeslam to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. ANALYSIS: SULLIVAN NEED TO SELL MORE, AS DID GIANT

The New Horsemen storm the ring and lay a beatdown on the Giant, culminating in a DDT from Anderson. Ric Flair runs out to make the save, running them off with a chair. ANALYSIS: WHAT WAS BENOIT DOING?

Ric Flair cuts a promo saying he wants a match against Hall and Nash in Daytona Beach. The Outsiders grab microphones and note that he needs a tag partner, or else it's a handicap match. Flair says he'll find a partner, but a shadow of doubt crosses his face. ANALYSIS: EVERYONE DID GREAT

C++

tomahawk55@prodigy.com posted:

Just got back from the Post-KOTR Raw here in Chicago.

There were 5 dark matches this time, the first had Vader squashing 3 boy-band looking guys calling themselves 3 Count, and he looked wicked sweet. Then Roddy Piper, Bob Holly, and Marc Mero beat Kaientai(little odd after how they left Yokozuna on his back last night, but oh well), and Hot Rod was as great as ever. And then The Headshrinkers beat Doink and Doug Furnas. Phatu looked like he was sick or something, and didn't Samu leave? Whatever. Then Real American hit, and I thought I was at a WCW show for a few seconds before some guy called All American Scott Taylor came out to talk about how he loves America, his parents, and the Cubbies. I can't help but love him now. But then Stone Cold came out and squashed him in a quick match. Austin looked great. Then Warrior beat some JC Ice dude in a quick match, and Warrior looked awesome too. Would've been really nice if he was wrestling somebody I'd heard of.

Then Ted DiBiase came out holding a mysterious black briefcase with a stylized golden dollar sign on it. "As you all know, the next WWF In Your House event is titled ""Money in the Bank""! Allow me to explain the name...

In all my years in the WWF, I've lived by one rule: you need to spend money to make money. You need to take risks to strike it big. And in just four weeks, we will debut the most dangerous match in WWF history, with stakes high enough to match. In my hand, I have a briefcase filled with one million dollars of my own money, which WWF brass has authorized for use to buy a WWF Championship title shot. There are no limits; the title shot can be cashed in anytime, at any place, by handing the briefcase to an official! But it's not for me, oh no, not for the Million Dollar Man... This is a rare act of charity! I will give 6 lucky men the chance to duke it out and attempt to grab this briefcase 20 feet above the ring. In the first-ever Money In The Bank Ladder Match, anything, and EVERYTHING, is permitted.

To all entrants, you can try your best, but you know what they say: The Million Dollar Man always gets his way! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Dudleyz cut a backstage promo talking about how their hardcore style was too much for these losers in the WWF, and since they couldn't handle how hardcore the Dudleyz were, they had to DQ them after the 3D through the table. If this had been ECW, they said, this would be a different story, and they'd be holding the tag belts today.

After that, Mankind cut a promo, creepy as ever, from a boiler room backstage. "At King Of The Ring, I watched The Ultimate Warrior scream in agony as I applied my Mandible Claw. I relished every minute of it, seeing tears roll down his face as he struggled to keep from passing out. But oh, no, I'm not done. I've only just begun to cause pain, to show whoever I can even a thousandth of the pain I endure every single waking moment of my existence. I ISSUE AN OPEN CHALLENGE! ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE TOUGH, ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY'VE GOT GUTS, ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE MY PUNISHMENT, JUST SAY THE WORD! NAME THE DATE, AND I'LL BE THERE, INFLICTING MY AGONY!"

Then Dave Finlay from WCW beat Ace Steel in a quick match. I don't know why Finlay had Hillbilly Jim with him, but they seem great together.

Then we got a Superstars recap of Marty Janetty's becoming the Skunkrocker, before 123 Kid beat Bradshaw in a pretty even matchup.

After that, Jim Cornette comes out to cut a promo on Shawn Michaels, saying that he got lucky with Bulldog, but nobody gets that lucky twice, especially not with The King Of Harts, Owen Hart, at Money In The Bank. He says Owen almost beat him on Raw a month back, and if it hadn't been for a simple twist of fate, Owen would have picked up the victory, and at Money In The Bank, he's not leaving anything to chance, as Owen and HBK will battle it out inside a steel cage. No outside interference, no disqualifications, just pure technical prowess. Shawn comes out to accept the challenge, but Jericho interrupts him. "Hey Owen, don't think for a second that you're off the hook! You stole the King Of The Ring victory from me, and The Lionheart is not about to lay down and take that kinda loss. I WA-" Vader lays Jericho out with a huge lariat before he can finish his promo. As the Camp starts moving in on Michaels, Gorilla comes out to make a tag team match for tonight, with Jericho and HBK teaming up against Owen Hart and Vader. Cornette, Jericho, and HBK are all really good at saying stuff about wrestling.

Then Rick Martel debuted, taking a photo with a sick child before defeating Phil LaFon in a short match. If I ever see a match between those two again I'm gonna throw a car battery at them.

Then HHH pinned Bob Holly with a Pedigree.

We got a recap of Vader/Yokozuna, and Mr. Fuji's betrayal of his former client afterwards, before Yoko beat Tatanka in a short but even match. Yokozuna was huffing and puffing by the end because he's a fat fat fatty. After, Fuji comes out with Kaientai to cut a promo on Yoko. "Ah, Yokozuna, you could have shown some of that fire at King Of The Ring. I think you've fallen off a bit. You used to be a world champion, you used to be in the main event of WrestleMania! But now, you've lost your touch. Kaientai is the future, and you... you are history." Kaientai start in to try to beat down Yoko, but-

DA NA NA NA
DA NA NA NA

Ikari No Jyushin Liger started to play, and JUSHIN THUNDER LIGER ran out. Liger and Yoko ran Kaientai off, and Liger hit a radical Shooting Star Press on Funaki. Then they shook hands, and seem to have teamed up.

The Gunns cut a short promo on the Dudleyz about how rules are important and the Dudleyz deserved to be disqualified. They then had a quick tag title match against Steve Blackman and Gary Albright, which they won. The match was sorta weird and not very good, Blackman was barely in it. Then the Two Man Power Trip came out to say they didn't need weapons to beat then, and challenge the Gunns to a title match at Money In The Bank, which was accepted.

Then we had a Dave Taylor hype video. People around a campfire, having a good time. A bear emerges from the forest and threatens them. When suddenly, Dave Taylor comes from behind the bear, to subdue it with sound wrestling fundamentals. A headlock! A hammerlock! A drop toe hold! Later, Taylor and the bear have joined the campers around the campfire, laughing along with the rest of them. All is well. Dave Taylor: A real man's man.

Anyone who can wrestle a bear is good in my book.

Then Goldust beat Savio Vega in a MITB qualifier match. Guess he's about to break some box office records. After, he commanded Taker to Tombstone Vega, before leading him away.

Then we got to the main event, where Owen and Bulldog faced Jericho and HBK. The finish had HBK hit Sweet Chin Music on Cornette as he was about to interfere, which distracts Bulldog enough for Jericho to push him out of the ring, through the commentary table, and lock in the Liontamer on Owen. Owen taps just before Bulldog can break it up, and the faces go over. But after that, Vader jumped Jericho, and they all brawled to end Raw.

I'd say it was a B- overall, pretty good.

I Before E posted:

quote:

Welcome to Prograps Unlimited, Issue 3!

Happy Tuesday! We have a lot of really interesting items this week, so let's get right to them:

Ratings Update: WWF's King of the Rings managed a buyrate of 3.08. That crushed the previous In Your House (we reported it at 2.61 last week), but seeing as this is one of WWF's main PPV shows that isn't REALLY news.

Contract Conundrum (The Conclusion): Last week we reported exclusive news that a high-priority WCW star was holding out for a big contract deal. We've confirmed that the superstar was none other than Arn Anderson and that WCW has given in to his demands in exchange for a two-year contract. No numbers have leaked, but it's said to be VERY lucrative.

Hart Attack: WWF almost made a huge mistake by airing a vignette on RAW advertising Bret Hart. My sources say that the video was fully produced and claimed Hart would return at their next PPV (King of the Ring presumably), but it was pulled at the last second after they realized he couldn't be there until AFTER the PPV. Luckily WWF seems to have learned from their mistake, and I'm sure there will never be a problem with false advertising at WWF events ever again.

The South Rises Again: WCW has very desperately set up a working agreement with USWA, with whom WWF had an agreement until not too long ago. This agreement will allow WCW to borrow talent from the Memphis promotion, and from what I hear there are a few names that they'd like to make use of very soon.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Billionaire Scorned: WCW's hiring of Dan Severn has broken one of the commandments of owner Ted Turner: "Thou shalt not hire mixed martial artists." He's said to be livid, and while we don't know the exact punishment handed down it's alleged to be "harsh enough to keep it from happening again."

Rigor, Mortis: It seems that WCW is trying to leech off the popularity of Mortal Kombat and the like with some new gimmicks. We've seen videos for Glacier, but apparently another character called Mortis will be played by Cobra, who has recently been recalled from development for the role.

Check in every Tuesday for the biggest news in the Monday Night War!

S.K.

Nystral posted:

When did Norman smiley become a blue blood. And is Dave Taylor in the wwf formerly of wcw? I'm so confused!

swalkergdi.com posted:

Seems bad luck spilled all over my drat art board. Just had a fountain pen break.



Also, saw what WWF did to Jannetty. Must be a dig at me. Very funny, Vince. Sour grapes after I've thoroughly kicked your graphics team's rear end? Pssh.

- Scott Walker
SW Graphic Design Industries

JoeRules posted:

SK did his thing before I leaked out ratings from the Monday shows. Nitro scored a 3.02, up from last week's 2.93. WWF pulled a 2.46, also up from last week.

sk posted:

looks like some inferior dirtsheet is trying to open up shop

Skunkrocker posted:

He hasn't posted in a while.

Skunkrocker posted:

He hasn't posted in a while.

Sanguinia posted:

Look you dumb mark, Wrestling Enthusiast Kevin Nash isn't here to amuse you, he's gainfully employed as a Physical Intervention Specialist by Four Horsemen LLC under CEO Arn Anderson, Future WCW World Heavyweight Champion. He'll post when he feels like it.

I Before E posted:

All that time he saves by skipping leg day could be put to use dishing dirt!

Sanguinia posted:

His Nintendo 64 isn't going to play itself. There's like 120 stars in Mario!

Usenet user MasatoTatanka@hotmail.com posted:

Just got back from the Superstars taping.

There were 4 dark matches this time, about as much as usual. The Dudleyz beat Aldo Montoya and Barry Horowitz, and then 3D'd Montoya into a table after. Then the Gunns beat Ace Steel and JC Ice. Then Tatanka beat Bob Holly in an unusually high-profile dark match. Then those Kaientai guys fought Rick Martel, Edge and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake pinned Funaki. These were all basically eh, but Ace Steel and JC Ice work pretty well together.

Roddy Piper cut a promo to start the show. "I'm out here because on Raw, Vader decided he could pick on someone smaller than him. That he could batter my protege Chris Jericho and get away with it. He's dead wrong! Vader, I'm calling you out, and maybe now that you've got a fight taken to ya, instead of jumpin' a guy after he just wrestled a match, you might not do so hot!" Cornette came out and accepted the challenge, and Roddy and Vader will face off in the main event. This was good, but not really up to Piper's usual.
Then there was a video package of Owen and HBK on Raw, when Owen was announced as the next challenger. Pretty good, WWF's video department knocks it out of the park yet again.
After that, another video package, this time of Skunkrocker Marty Jannetty attacking 123 Kid. Not as good as the Owen/HBK one, but come on, who cares about 123 Kid and Skunkrocker? Good vid, though.
"Skunkrocker came out to cut a promo. ""123 Kid, I thought we could be partners, we could be friends, we could be equals. That you wouldn't betray me like Shawn did all those years ago. But just like him, you only care about yourself. I've seen you backstage chatting with him and a certain blueblood I'm not going to name, and it made me sick.""
Holy moley, this just might be a shoot.
""You think just because the fans cheer you, you're one of the popular kids, and you can sit at the lunch table with the rest of your clique and ignore the people who brought you to the dance. YOU LITTLE PUNK, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE WWF IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME! I OUGHTA-"" ""WILL YOU PLEASE! SHUT! THE HELL! UP!"" Jericho came out on the ramp. ""Marty, you certainly seem to be aggressive tonight- PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE. Maybe the reason Shawn and Kid got tired of you is because you don't know how to honestly bare your soul, so you turn to whining and sniping. When I have a problem with someone, I don't hide behind a mask, I face them head on, like I want to face you, RIGHT NOW!"""
Then Jericho/Skunkrocker started, a pretty even match up until Skunkrocker reversed a Boston Crab into a backslide for a 2 count. After Jericho kicked out, Skunkrocker got angry and spit a mysterious gray liquid into his face.
As Piper helped Jericho wipe the burning spray off his face, Skunkrocker took the mic. "YOU MESS WITH THE SKUNK... YOU GET THE SPRAY. *HSSSSSSS*" The first promo wasn't super good, but drat that was a decently fun match, and that spray looks dangerous.

Then Warrior squashed Doink before cutting a promo. "AAAAAAHHHH, GOOOOLDUUUUST, A WAAARRRIOORRRRR'S SPIRIIIT DOES NOT STAND FOR THESE UNDERHANDED DEALINGS! YOU MAY HAVE THE POWER OF THE UNDERTAKER, BUT GOOOOLDUUUUUUUUUST, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU WILL BE THE DEAD MAN ONCE JUSTICE HAS BEEN METED OUT! SKROOOOOOONK!" Goldust came out to retort: "Warrior, a match with the likes of you is below my pay grade. You may have been the headline star in 1990, but now you're just a joke. If you want to get some sort of justice, you're going to have to come to me." Warrior ran up the ramp to lunge at Goldust, but got stopped in his tracks by Undertaker, recieving some sort of elevated powerbomb for his trouble, like the Jackknife, but if he raised the guy over his head. It didn't keep him down too long, so it doesn't look like it's his new finisher, but still, it's a cool move. Goldust, Taker, and Warrior are my favorite parts of most WWF shows, and this was no different.

Then Jushin Liger, Yokozuna by his side, beat Bradshaw with a Shooting Star Press before Kaientai ran out and tried to get the jump on them. Between Yoko's strength and Liger's agility, Kaientai didn't have a chance. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. no. one. gave. a. shiiiiiit. We saw Kaientai get squashed in a dark match not an hour ago, jesus. And the Liger/Bradshaw match wasn't super either.

Then some guy named Scott Taylor came out, I guess he's taking Mankind's challenge. A couple minutes later Mankind had his hand down Taylor's throat. Pretty good match, to be honest. This guy's been in some pretty decent matches lately. This is the first one out of the dark, though.

Then Austin and Helmsley cut a promo on the Gunns. "That gangly little pipsqueak Bart barely even laid a hand on Triple H in the King Of The Ring tournament, and he and Billy think they stand a chance? Ha!" Austin cracked open a beer as HHH poured himself some champagne, and they toasted to their impending victory. Good promo.

Then Chris Candido challenged Tom Pritchard to a Loser Leaves WWF match, which Pritchard wins when Candido almost hits him with the belt before Sunny stops him, allowing Pritchard to Piledrive Candido and get the pin.
After, Candido started ranting and raving. "NO, NO, IT'S NOT FAIR, NONE OF IT'S FAIR, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY MOMENT, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SHINING HOUR, BUT THAT LIAR'S RUINED IT ALL! HIM AND EVERYBODY ELSE! THEY'RE ALL TRYING TO DESTROY ME! SUNNY? YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU? YOU'VE ALWAYS STAYED BY ME..." Sunny said nothing as she walked away and the security personnel dragged Candido out of the arena. Glad to see this feud is loving over, it stunk up the place. Maybe Pritchard can get some decent opponents now.

Now for the main event. Vader pretty much steamrolled Piper, going for power moves as often as he could while Roddy kept trying to wear him down with the Sleeper. Near the end, Roddy was running the ropes when Cornette cracked him in the spine with his tennis racket, allowing Vader to hit his powerbomb for a pin. Best match of the show, although Piper was definitely tired by the end.
Then Vader went for more punishment on Roddy, Jericho came to his aid, and they brawled to end Superstars. This wasn't as good, but still decent.
After that, there was a stinker of a dark main where Bulldog squashed Marc Mero.

All in all, it was a B- show, drat good for a Superstars.

Usenet user connecticutyankeeinkinglawlerscourt@wesleyan.edu posted:

So I just went to the first Hartford Wrestling Alliance show, and I'm not sure I want to come back.

The first match had Ahmed Johnson beating some big dude called Kurrgan in what had to be the best match on the card. The match after it, this guy called Mike Quackenbush who looked like he had a really tiny penis, defeating some Cassidy O'Reilly guy, was the worst match I have ever seen. Full stop. It was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to the state of Connecticut. I'd give it an F+, but I don't even think that's a real rating. At least nobody died. If only for that, it gets the +. Then Ahmed Johnson came out, thank god(I never thought I'd say that) to brawl with Jeff Hardy for some reason. Then Charlie Haas defeated Matt Hardy, Dick Togo, and some Wildcat guy, who looked like Chris Harris for the HWA IC title, which was at least not as awful as Quackenbush/O'Reilly. Then Stevie Richards and Reckless Youth defeated CW Anderson and Rhino in an even less bad, but still bad, match. In the main event, Jeff Hardy defeated Steve Corino for the HWA Heavyweight title(even though I'm like 75% sure neither of them are legit heavyweights).

I'm giving it an E+, even though I'm sure that's not a real grade. This poo poo managed to sell out! It sold out a 1,200 seat arena to be fair, but still! It got a sellout crowd to watch this poo poo! auuuuuugh at least WWF TV is decent.