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As requested in the PYF poo poo kids say thread.. Those of us who teach English as a second language, whether abroad or in our home countries, occasionally hear a really amazing quote. Hey, learning a new language is loving hard, especially if that language is English. Rather than mock our eager students to their faces, let's share these stories here, and giggle at them anonymously. Here are a few of mine from when I taught in Japan: (Two 12-year old girl students) Wako likes to jump on Yuri’s back, and because I am an rear end in a top hat, I taught her to say “giddyup!” when she does it. WAKO: “Yuri is horse!” YURI: “You are PIG!!!!!” “Grass? Grass? Delicious! I eat!” *makes grass-eating motions* “Mmmmm…with ketchup.” STUDENT #1: “Who do you usually eat breakfast with?” STUDENT #2: “I usually eat my husband.” “Hamburg is reasonable. Hamburger is unreasonable” “I’m HUNGRY for WiFi!” “I’m afraid of being stolen.” *giggle* “I love you!” (from a 40-year-old woman) “I think vegetarians are very peaceful people. My wife used to throw dishes at me every day, but now she is a vegetarian and much more quiet.” “Men in Japan are very weak and the women are very aggressive. They are becoming more like women from the West now because they have jobs, so they are becoming MORE aggressive.” “You are from America and you came to Japan, so of course you are too strong for Japanese men.” Got one? Got fifty? post em.
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Dec 24, 2013 09:53
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"Which do you like, poop taste curry or curry taste poop?"
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Dec 24, 2013 10:14
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"My Timeline Looks Like Sportscenter." "How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real" "I Hope It Doesn't Take For Me To Die For You To See What I Do For You" "I Only Apply To The Sixth Amendment"
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Dec 24, 2013 10:16
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Student 1: I like soccer, baseball, and basketball. I like playing with balls. Student 2: I don't like foreign food because it all tastes the same. Korean food is much more varied. (Only funny if you're familiar with Korean food.)
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Dec 24, 2013 11:53
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"I don't get it, how do you cut a tree down, then cut it back up?"
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Dec 24, 2013 12:06
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Humboldt squid posted:"My Timeline Looks Like Sportscenter." Please do not post quotes from Jaden Smith's twitter here.
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Dec 24, 2013 15:56
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I run an ESL conversation group, so the students typically have a pretty good grasp of the language, and our focus is usually American culture. One women, from Russia, said this: "In Russia, we have tiny apartments and we still dance. In America, you have such big houses but you never dance". 
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Dec 25, 2013 00:48
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Episode # 297 of comedy podcast Uhh Yeah Dude features the hosts, Seth and Jonathan, reading letters from students in Mr. Hambell’s English class at Keimyung University in Daegu, S. Korea. quote:The penmanship is so precise that when they first received them, they thought they were typed by a machine. A lot of them end with “With Every Wish,” … They all seem to respect their elders. There’s a lot of references to Kimchi and a lot of dog soup. … Seth learns that high school in Korea starts at 7 a.m. and goes until 11 p.m. … One of them says “I saw your car on Google Earth. Your car is so colorful. Your car is very marvelousous.” … “Seth, I saw your car. It was a wonderful car. Blue body. Brown roof. Correct? It is a car of sincerity. How to know your car.” … “Your car is quite OK. Cute, but you should buy car so much to better.” … “Dear Seth, God blessed your car. Your car leaves a deep impression. The design moved me profoundly.” … “I saw your vintage car. The Dance, is it? I think you have that car to high school, correct?” … “Korea is not own the gun. You should not know something. You should use two hands to older people. You should not have a gun.” … “Seth I saw your picture. You look so smart. I want your answer handsome guy.” … “Seth you are handsome guy like actor. Your life looks so good. Your figurations attractive and funny. Let me know if you have any questions.” … “Seth I saw your commercial. Your eating acting is very impressive. I hope to appear with you in a commercial eating some day.” … “I love Subway sandwiches. I think you do too. Wink. I saw you on the commercial. Seth I want to see your story.” … “you and Jonathan have hair and are very handsome.” … “Seth I saw the picture of Jonathan. His hairstyle and beard is shocking. I hope you and he will be popular in Korea. Dreaming.” … “I do not enjoy suntans, but do enjoy your faces. Your attention has been good. Please encouraging.” … “Dear Smeth, I hear about USA Burger King hamburger is really big. Is this true? If so I envy you. Smeth, I will come to USA some day to see WRestlemania.” … “In movies American students have a lot of parties. Is that really true? Believe me.” … “I heard USA night culture one party. So crazy. People so crazy. I miss you. Sing me your musical performance. This is only my opinion.” … “Korean music is most popular wide world. Do you know K pop? If you don’t, listen. Tell me your life please.” … “I like American singers. My favorite players are Celine Dion, Shakira and Adel.” … “My hobby is drive a car. But I have no car, so at times I like to drive the car with my mother. So now I am very mad.” … “Korean fried chicken is most delicious all over the world. Usain Bolt is the fastest man in the world. He eats only chicken to his meals 3 day all along. I heard this. Brilliant. What a holy chicken.” … “Are you still doing internet comedy show? Wow. Surprising. Comedy so nice because comedy gave laughs to people so our society would smile. This comedy of yours will remain a good memory, develop and maintain kindly life.” quote:Jonathan now reads a selection of his letters from Korea: “Dear Jonathan, my name is Crazy. Let me introduce about Korean culture. In Korean culture you should not use the low forms of speech. Always foreigners speak low form of speech to elders. Korea is very propriety and you should not whistle at night. It is bad luck. If so, appear the snake. Koreans are very afraid of the snakes. Do you know Dokdo? I like Japan, but when Japanese lie about Dokdo, I hate Japan. Every day Japanese lie that Dokdo is their land. Now all of the countries of the world believe that Japan lied about that but most important in fact is Dokdo is our land. This is not change. At first Korean personality is sensitive but Japanese lie. Koreans are very tired about international conflict, therefore Korean avoid very famous terrain country proverb: ‘make way for a madman and a bull you never believe that lie.’”
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Dec 25, 2013 02:03
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"How can that be sink? (points to kitchen faucet)... boat sink!"
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Dec 25, 2013 05:06
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I taught English for six months and can't remember any great screwups. My favorite lesson to teach was the gently caress lesson. "Ok, you know gently caress? Today I'm going to teach you all the ways you can use gently caress. Now 'loving fuckers hosed gently caress's gently caress.' Is this a proper sentence, why or why not?" They'd all get so annoyed when I told them it was more or less a totally legitimate sentence. "Waait, it's just one word, how can it be all the words? gently caress you!" "Jajaja bienvinido a ingles marico."
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Dec 25, 2013 05:28
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Outrail posted:I taught English for six months and can't remember any great screwups. God help you if you meet a chinese poetry enthusiast. English has nothing on the power of shi.
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Dec 25, 2013 05:33
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What impressed you the most about your school trip to Australia? "Australian rarely eat rices and often walk by their noody foots not only in their house but also at Cairns Central." "I think the similarities are the statue of weed and the flavor of meals. weed’s color is clear green. And the flavor of meals are delicious as Japanese food which I’m used to eating." Free Topic Essay It is possible for Santa fly? How does Santa fly? Do you know? Some people believe in him and others don’t. Bud today I will describe a method for flying. Generally, there is 3ways to fly. First, the way to fly with wings like birds and airplane. However, a reindeer and Santa don’t have wings. So it is impossible with this method. Second, I will consider principle of reaction. Like a rocket using fuel. However, his sled And reindeer have no such equipment. So, it is also impossible with this method. Third, it has buoyancy. However, it is also impossible. Because they has many presents. All methods of three can’t be used. So that means, Santa fly with fours method. A ball that is thrown describe parabola. I think, if storing men throw a ball, it goes for Away and falls. Essay: Who is your hero? My rode model is K-san because he is the most interesting guy in the class. So he is a popular person of the classes. Also he is very good soccer player. He shoots an enemy in sequence and decides a daring shot. So I have a cruch on him. When I had a problem, he always tell me clearly. So I think him. Did all of you understand it about him? He is a model boy for us. So I try hard that I make you like him. (Both K-san and the author are on the boys' soccer team)
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Dec 25, 2013 05:38
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Outrail posted:I taught English for six months and can't remember any great screwups. One of my advanced adult students in Japan, an English teacher himself, stumbled across the "different uses of gently caress" video on YouTube one day. He was so happy. Quincyh posted:Student 2: I don't like foreign food because it all tastes the same. Korean food is much more varied. (Only funny if you're familiar with Korean food.) Biggest facepalm of my life.
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Dec 25, 2013 05:39
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My biggest facepalm is one I get pretty often! Student: Teacher, where you from? Me: South Africa. Student: But... *long pause* ...you're white. Sometimes, I don't even get "but" - I just get "No." There are no white people in Africa.
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Dec 25, 2013 12:22
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Quincyh posted:My biggest facepalm is one I get pretty often! On a related subject I once had a student tell me that her parents were taking her to America for vacation but "I don't want to go to America because in America have a black face and I'm scare of a black face." I also got the "Korean food is so much more varied than foreign food" one all the time.
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Dec 25, 2013 15:03
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When asked to write a paragraph about what you want to be a student wrote this "I be Done doctor. I have very many money and I help hard Negro kinds. Because very poor. I be Done doctor. I have very many money and my mom money and I help my mom and Be good. and I fillial piety my mom and My father." I think done doctor is supposed to be bone doctor. When asked what their favorite animal was another student wrote "My favorite animal is seal. because seal is very cute and very intimacy." God I miss teaching in Korea.
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Dec 25, 2013 15:32
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University freshman girl http://imgur.com/hXW7us8 I kinda want to see that painting....
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Dec 25, 2013 15:42
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^^: What the? Need context please. Death Trap you need to explain shi to me. And is the korean food a ha ha karean food is boring as gently caress thing? The bbq in LA was great but I live in SW Australia and miss out on cultural awareness. Outrail has a new favorite as of 16:53 on Dec 25, 2013 |
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Dec 25, 2013 16:49
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Outrail posted:And is the korean food a ha ha karean food is boring as gently caress thing? The bbq in LA was great but I live in SW Australia and miss out on cultural awareness. Korean food is delicious and interesting but it's not famously varied in flavor. Sour or spicy, your choice!
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Dec 25, 2013 16:54
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Outrail posted:^^: What the? Need context please. I'm not sure what context you need. This is from an essay written by a korean university student.
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Dec 25, 2013 17:30
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On the subject, since I know next to nothing about Asian languages can someone explain the whole "engrish"-thing to me - why do the English translations of Asian movies / advertisements / games etc. seem like complete gibberish so often? You'd think there would be at least one guy in pretty much any company fluent enough in the language to notice all the nonsense before releasing whatever's being translated. Or is speaking English really that rare around there? For reference, I live in Finland and almost everyone here speaks at least basic English, although the Finnish accent is certainly a thing. I tried playing a game called Age of Wushu a while ago, for example, and it was drat near impossible to make any sense of the dialogue in it. This is after them pouring presumably huge amounts of money to localizing the thing to the EU & US.
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Dec 25, 2013 17:48
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Dropbear posted:On the subject, since I know next to nothing about Asian languages can someone explain the whole "engrish"-thing to me - why do the English translations of Asian movies / advertisements / games etc. seem like complete gibberish so often? You'd think there would be at least one guy in pretty much any company fluent enough in the language to notice all the nonsense before releasing whatever's being translated. Or is speaking English really that rare around there? For reference, I live in Finland and almost everyone here speaks at least basic English, although the Finnish accent is certainly a thing. People now receive English education in school but I'm pretty sure that wasn't around for the people who are making the video games.
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Dec 25, 2013 17:58
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Smarmy Coworker posted:People now receive English education in school but I'm pretty sure that wasn't around for the people who are making the video games. (speaking as someone who has been in Korea for about 10 years) People still gently caress it up all the time, believe me. There are a number of reasons: too prideful/ashamed to ask for help, admit not knowing, or make someone in a superior position look stupid by correcting him; something that sounds awesome in (this case, Korean) sounds stupid or hilarious in English (ex: a snack cake called "Ricetard", the slogan for a waterpark is "Feel the Climax!", thousands of other examples); and English is a really, really difficult language for most Asians to learn as it is super complex (article use) and has arbitrary rules and spelling. In addition, the education system has long focused on merely memorizing poo poo. This results in a lot of rote responses but little real communication skills. I could go on if you want. My PhD is in Multicultural Education, and I've done a lot of research about this and other related topics.
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Dec 25, 2013 19:26
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Outrail posted:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vExjnn_3ep4
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Dec 25, 2013 19:30
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Half of my team is in Hyderabad - their english is almost always great, but every once in a while something gets missed. The other week I was doing handoff on some issues and Leena joined the chat a little late. Me: Hey, I just handed off ISSUE XYZ to Pankaj Leena: Oh, what's up with the latency on that? Pankaj: I've got the backstory on it. Leena: Oh okay. I'll eat Pankaj's brain later for it. Me:  I assume she meant to say 'pick his brain' rather than 'eat' but either way, totally out of left field.
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Dec 25, 2013 20:27
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ladron posted:(speaking as someone who has been in Korea for about 10 years) it is pretty interesting stuff. I know articles are a huge stumbling point for many people -- as an American guy learning French, gendered words are tough to remember and the article is based on the word. sometimes words can be homonyms though oppositely gendered too which blows. it seems pretty weird that they're learning just through memorization in school, though. like, outside of basic stuff and words, it's ridiculous to expect to learn a language that way. I guess they never expect anyone to really use it?
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Dec 25, 2013 21:38
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I was told once that a girl had "passed away" in the toilets after a night of heavy drinking. I was a bit concerned until I realized that the guy meant "passed out". And then there was someone telling me their boss "fucks everyone" when they meant "fucks everyone over".
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Dec 25, 2013 21:46
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Smarmy Coworker posted:it is pretty interesting stuff. I know articles are a huge stumbling point for many people -- as an American guy learning French, gendered words are tough to remember and the article is based on the word. sometimes words can be homonyms though oppositely gendered too which blows. Yeah, it's always more difficult to go from less to more, like no gender to 2/3 genders, or no articles to 12 choices. Smarmy Coworker posted:it seems pretty weird that they're learning just through memorization in school, though. like, outside of basic stuff and words, it's ridiculous to expect to learn a language that way. I guess they never expect anyone to really use it? Here's part of it - the teacher's exam is insanely difficult, I mean insanely. It's a mutli-hour test on theories and who had what idea for language acquisition and things like that that have no real bearing in the classroom. Passing it, however, pretty much guarantees you a well-paying job for life with lots of vacation. Actually speaking English well is almost an afterthought. And, to a great extent, most of the teachers don't. The last president tried to institute a TEE (Teaching English in English) test that all English teachers would have to take to keep their jobs. Long-term teachers who had really lovely English were making GBS threads their pants about this because they knew they were about to lose their jobs. This initiative kinda failed, and so everything's back where it started: teachers who don't really speak the language instructing unmotivated students via rote memorization because that's just the way it's done. They've tried to bring in a bunch of native speakers to instruct students a few hours a day (ala bringmyfishback, to whom I mean no offense). Unfortunately, the majority of these native speakers have just graduated from college, have no formal training as teachers and even less as English instructors. They mostly serve as living tape recorders for the students to hear a real live English speaker. Recently, the government has come to the conclusion that the costs vs. benefits of having native speakers just isn't worth it, so many provinces and cities are phasing the native speaker program out. This, in my opinion, will only make the language academies (of which there are a metric shitload) even richer, because even if little Wonho isn't learning anything, by god at least he's in school 18 hours a day, so he has to pick up something through osmosis. Everyone is so gung-ho about learning English because it's seen as the key to being successful. It's pretty hosed up all around. Take that girl who wrote the essay I showed earlier - that's the product of 11 loving years of English instruction, and her spoken English isn't much better.
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Dec 25, 2013 22:12
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ladron posted:Here's part of it - the teacher's exam is insanely difficult, I mean insanely. It's a mutli-hour test on theories and who had what idea for language acquisition and things like that that have no real bearing in the classroom. Passing it, however, pretty much guarantees you a well-paying job for life with lots of vacation. Actually speaking English well is almost an afterthought. And, to a great extent, most of the teachers don't. The last president tried to institute a TEE (Teaching English in English) test that all English teachers would have to take to keep their jobs. Long-term teachers who had really lovely English were making GBS threads their pants about this because they knew they were about to lose their jobs. This initiative kinda failed, and so everything's back where it started: teachers who don't really speak the language instructing unmotivated students via rote memorization because that's just the way it's done. They've tried to bring in a bunch of native speakers to instruct students a few hours a day (ala bringmyfishback, to whom I mean no offense). Unfortunately, the majority of these native speakers have just graduated from college, have no formal training as teachers and even less as English instructors. They mostly serve as living tape recorders for the students to hear a real live English speaker. Recently, the government has come to the conclusion that the costs vs. benefits of having native speakers just isn't worth it, so many provinces and cities are phasing the native speaker program out. And pretty much the same can be said for Japan, except that the government is just trying to pay the native speakers less, rather than getting rid of us.
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Dec 25, 2013 22:31
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well poo poo at least the usa school system has one leg up in this field
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Dec 25, 2013 22:49
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RillAkBea posted:Korean food is delicious and interesting but it's not famously varied in flavor. Sour or spicy, your choice! You forgot sweet! That is a critical component of korean food. MORE SUGAR! ALL THE SUGAR!
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Dec 25, 2013 23:10
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I had a Chinese friend in primary and high school who I helped him with his English and one day he asked me, "How heavy is 16 elbs?" I had no idea what he was talking about until it final clicked that he was asking me how heavy 16 pounds was in kilograms.
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Dec 25, 2013 23:25
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I hope this is relevant enough. I knew a very smart Russian scientist who was learning to use a piece of equipment. When the manual told him to depress a button he tried pulling it away from the machine.
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Dec 26, 2013 00:07
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Shbobdb posted:You forgot sweet! That is a critical component of korean food. MORE SUGAR! ALL THE SUGAR! Sweet garlic bread.  Why would you glaze almost all of your bread with sugar? Why would you serve garlic bread covered in syrup?! Why?! I just... I just really want some good garlic bread that doesn't taste like candy.
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Dec 26, 2013 03:24
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From my (very long time ago) year as an ESL teacher in Japan: "What did you do this weekend?" "We went balling" "Do you mean bowling?" "Yes" "Oh good" "I understand what 'gently caress you' is, but what is 'gently caress me!'?" (this student was watching Kevin Costner flicks to practice English -- it wasn't my idea)
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Dec 26, 2013 03:55
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Smarmy Coworker posted:well poo poo at least the usa school system has one leg up in this field Uh, I don't think US middle/high schools even teach languages like Korean or Japanese. Though I bet my 9th grade spanish essays were absolutely filled with nonsense phrases 
the black husserl has a new favorite as of 04:45 on Dec 26, 2013 |
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Dec 26, 2013 04:43
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the black husserl posted:Uh, I don't think US middle/high schools even teach languages like Korean or Japanese. Though I bet my 9th grade spanish essays were absolutely filled with nonsense phrases Some do, if you're lucky. I'm from a really rural area and we had to choose from French or Spanish. A friend of mine from university grew up in the middle of Ottawa and got to take Japanese all four years of high school, including a year-long exchange program. Dropbear posted:On the subject, since I know next to nothing about Asian languages can someone explain the whole "engrish"-thing to me - why do the English translations of Asian movies / advertisements / games etc. seem like complete gibberish so often? You'd think there would be at least one guy in pretty much any company fluent enough in the language to notice all the nonsense before releasing whatever's being translated. Or is speaking English really that rare around there? For reference, I live in Finland and almost everyone here speaks at least basic English, although the Finnish accent is certainly a thing. It's trendy, basically. ladron posted:Yeah, it's always more difficult to go from less to more, like no gender to 2/3 genders, or no articles to 12 choices. No offense taken, this is exactly right. Quincyh posted:Sweet garlic bread. Because Korea has four seasons. And to add some actual content, I have English camp starting today. Select English names: Bruno Eye The Monkey Face I Don't Care Girl (from a boy) Dr. Princess
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Dec 26, 2013 05:42
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ladron posted:Yeah, it's always more difficult to go from less to more, like no gender to 2/3 genders, or no articles to 12 choices. I don't suppose you wouldn't mind going into more detail about this test? You have me curious about since I have been trying to beat myself with learning mandarin and have overall become fascinated by language and the teaching of it.
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Dec 26, 2013 05:42
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the black husserl posted:Uh, I don't think US middle/high schools even teach languages like Korean or Japanese. Though I bet my 9th grade spanish essays were absolutely filled with nonsense phrases The US wins by not trying  Two sweetest words in the English language: de fault! Edit \/\/: I've known people from some boojy areas in the US where they teach Japanese and Chinese. I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood and you could take Hebrew if you were willing to take a bus-ride (so, class + study hall), I have to imagine similar opportunities exist. They just aren't terribly common, which is a problem since learning a foreign language ought be the norm. Shbobdb has a new favorite as of 05:48 on Dec 26, 2013 |
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Dec 26, 2013 05:43
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bringmyfishback posted:Some do, if you're lucky. I'm from a really rural area and we had to choose from French or Spanish. A friend of mine from university grew up in the middle of Ottawa and got to take Japanese all four years of high school, including a year-long exchange program. Yeah, but Ottawa isn't the US, is it?
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Dec 26, 2013 05:44
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