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Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014





In. Because I'm really good at entering competitions that I can't possibly win.

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Pseudoscorpion
Jul 26, 2011


sebmojo posted:

RunningAtThePoisonWallsBrawl for the Honour of not being the Loser

What's that? Miscreants rummagin' in the garbage again? The cops have been called and only one of you will get away. I require 700 words or less on the theme of escape from a dreadful but well-deserved fate with a clearly described arc - beginning, middle, end.

No science fiction or fantasy, no-one dies.

Get to it - I can hear the sirens already.

due 29 March 2014, 11.59 pm PST

I ACCEPT.

I will fight for the honorable title of SECOND-WORST.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



DJESERFLASHCRIT
I want blood. You want your stories to get critted. Let's make it happen.

STEP 1: TAKE A FLASH RULE
One per person.

STEP 2: WRITE A STORY
Try not to make it suck more balls than last week's stories.

STEP 3: GET A CRIT
I sit in a dark room and curse the day your mother taught you how to make words.

THE FLASH RULES
Your character is holding an item from the beginning of your story to the end. They do not put it down. That Old Ganon

Your main character gains fame through a tragic accident involving their talent. Toanoradian

Your character's talent was only important in the past. Your character is interested in the future.. Jonked

Your character can fry an egg with just a frying pan and an egg. They can do this literally anywhere, as long as they have a pan and an egg.

Maple syrup is alcoholic before it gets processed. There is a Canadian conspiracy to hide the truth.

Edit PSA: Unofficial flash rules will not be enforced by the judges and are for recreational deathchallenge purposes only.

Djeser fucked around with this message at Mar 26, 2014 around 22:44

RunningIntoWalls
Dec 8, 2013

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Pseudoscorpion posted:

I ACCEPT.

I will fight for the honorable title of SECOND-WORST.

Let's get it on then.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


In.

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


In.

Djeser posted:

Your main character gains fame through a tragic accident involving their talent.

Also doing this flash rule.

Some Guy TT
Aug 30, 2011


I'd actually prefer doing crits to writing. But I can't imagine anyone would want crits from someone who's managed to get dishonorable mentions in two Thunderdomes out of two entered.

In again anyway. Writing prose is still fun even if I'm bad at it.

Nitrousoxide
May 30, 2011

do not buy a oneplus phone




I'm in.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Some Guy TT posted:

I'd actually prefer doing crits to writing. But I can't imagine anyone would want crits from someone who's managed to get dishonorable mentions in two Thunderdomes out of two entered.

Crits are helpful to both parties. The one doing the crit gets to elaborate on what things do and don't work for them, which lets them formulate their own tastes more clearly and understand what elements of their own writing they like or don't like seeing in others' writing. Giving someone a crit is useful to them, because even if you're not the greatest writer, you can still say what worked and what didn't work and what might have worked better. The only bad crit is one that's irrelevant to the writing.

quote:

In again anyway. Writing prose is still fun even if I'm bad at it.

This is the best attitude to have, and if it's fun and you learn from your mistakes, then you'll get better and it'll be even more fun.

A Tin Of Beans
Nov 25, 2013



HopperUK posted:

Here's my entry. No flash rule.

Protect and Survive (1165 words)

Since docbeard kindly gave my story a crit, I decided to pass on the savings and values to you, Hopper UK!

Short version: some of your sentences drag on and your main character never does anything, but there are some cool details and a solid concept that could give rise to an actual plot. The transmissions from the past and future felt suitably eerie, and I just wish Annie had some way to react to them besides noting that they happened and waiting for the next one. Actual efforts at protecting and surviving would have gone a long way towards helping this - as it stands there's almost more action in the title than the story.

Full crit here.

Crab Destroyer
Sep 3, 2011


In.

HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Clear off, fatso, this is a respectable establishment





Fallen Rib

A Tin Of Beans posted:

Since docbeard kindly gave my story a crit, I decided to pass on the savings and values to you, Hopper UK!


Thanks very much!

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

Also, I'd like a flash rule.

Starter Wiggin
Feb 1, 2009

Screw the enemy's gate man, I've got a fucking TAIL!
Do you know how crazy the ladies go for those?


Somebody flash me please.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012


I did line by line critiques for RunningIntoWalls, Masonity, Some Guy TT, and That Old Ganon for Week #84: Who You Gonna Call? but forgot to post them earlier.

I am also in for this week.

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


curlingiron posted:

Also, I'd like a flash rule.

Your protagonist suffers crippling performance anxiety when his or her talent is observed by an outside party.

Starter Wiggin posted:

Somebody flash me please.

Your protagonist is constantly jostling for number 1 status with a childhood rival.

The Sean
Apr 16, 2005

Am I handsome now?



In!

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





In!

The News at 5
Dec 25, 2009

I'm Chance Everyman.


In. Famously

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


Djeser posted:

Your character's talent was only important in the past. Your character is interested in the future.
I take this one, along with EB's "The story must take place in a Baja Fresh that is going to be shut down in 24 hours".

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

I am going to write a story.

Schneider Heim
Oct 17, 2012


Okay, that's about enough crit requests.

Sitting Here, tenniseveryone, and docbeard, expect crits to follow in the next few days. I completed Act V of Diablo 3 Reaper of Souls just so that damned game doesn't get in the way.

Also, we are still giving away flash rules to any masochists. Who's a masochist? You, who have signed up.

ZorajitZorajit
Sep 15, 2013

No static at all...

My only talent is going IN.

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.


Pillbug

I'm in! Despite being terrible at following directions.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES

I have done crits of all the stories (maybe save one), even elfdude who I threatened to not assist in writing anymore but gently caress you, I'm a massive softy so you can buck up and loving deal like a man taking a hot shower. I've put it up on googledocs like the last time I did anonymousweek:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

BECAUSE I AM PUNISHED BY READING ALL YOUR HORRID STORIES congrats! I have decided the lot of you deserve punishment too! Scattered throughout the comments are stuff with the term "GLOBALCRIT" which refers to almost every single one of you who makes errors that I keep harping on. I'm tired of having to continuously spell out these crits so you can trawl through all my angry comments and find out how hurt you are going to be by the end of the day (report to me your findings by the end of the day especially if I make you feel things).

There are also some comments which apply to all of you I didn't include that header, so happy hunting!

Seriously how is it we say "write a spooky ghost" and one of you managed to "write a penis being grabbed" is absolutely beyond me. I am So Over This DOT COM.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES

I have done crits of all the stories (maybe save one), even elfdude who I threatened to not assist in writing anymore but gently caress you, I'm a massive softy so you can buck up and loving deal like a man taking a hot shower. I've put it up on googledocs like the last time I did anonymousweek:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

BECAUSE I AM PUNISHED BY READING ALL YOUR HORRID STORIES congrats! I have decided the lot of you deserve punishment too! Scattered throughout the comments are stuff with the term "GLOBALCRIT" which refers to almost every single one of you who makes errors that I keep harping on. I'm tired of having to continuously spell out these crits so you can trawl through all my angry comments and find out how hurt you are going to be by the end of the day (report to me your findings by the end of the day especially if I make you feel things).

There are also some comments which apply to all of you I didn't include that header, so happy hunting!

Seriously how is it we say "write a spooky ghost" and one of you managed to "write a penis being grabbed" is absolutely beyond me. I am So Over This DOT COM.

Rhino, IDK why you do this but, but you are a beautiful human being. crazy but beautiful.

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES


Jesus Christ Muhammad (pbuh), Rhino, this is just incredible.

Some Guy TT
Aug 30, 2011


QuoProQuid posted:

I did line by line critiques for RunningIntoWalls, Masonity, Some Guy TT, and That Old Ganon for Week #84: Who You Gonna Call? but forgot to post them earlier.

Well, if someone went to the trouble of giving me a line-by-line critique I didn't ask for, I have to at least to try and respond in kind. Luckily Rhino's post is right there so I doubt this will poo poo up the thread too much.

Lead out in cuffs posted:

A story about a little boy who's murdered by some random guys for money and comes back to haunt his mom until she commits suicide.

I actually had trouble reading this the first time, because I assumed there was something supernatural going on with the guys who killed Hans. Like, either they were ghosts or were doing some kind of ghostly ritual because why else would they kill him in such an apparently pointless way. Now, granted, part of this was just my being confused why you weren't following the prompt, but either way this little point nagged at me for the rest of the story and every subsequent reread, to the point I had trouble paying attention to the strengths of the piece. It felt like you were just using this as a device to turn Hans into a ghost, and that set me off on the wrong foot.

Chairchucker posted:

A guy tries to buy a burger for a ghost at a restaurant but is rebuffed because ghost racism.

This piece doesn't go far enough in absurdity. I'm assuming that's what you're going for anyway- this premise is too silly to work as anything except a comedy piece. And yet there's so many unanswered questions. Why can ghosts eat hamburgers? Did the restaurant have a no ghosts sign? Was the waiter being racist or is the restaurant simply not equipped to handle the culinary needs of ghosts? You used less than half the words you could have. If you want to write something outrageous just take it all the way. Practically any worldbuilding here would be inherently funny, because I have no idea what the answers to those questions would be yet I still was wondering them.

Nethilia posted:

A little girl buys a doll but the ghost owns the doll so the ghost tries to kill her. Luckily her big mean sis destroys the doll and is grounded.

Why did Katy want the doll in the first place? I'm assuming this is a modern story- kids don't play with dolls much these days, especially not creepy old ones, so the question of why Katy wanted a doll is a significant one. To the extent of her character, I mean. We don't really know anything about her except that she's an annoying younger sister. She spends almost the entire story being victimized by the ghost. I'm not expecting an in-depth explanation, given that the story's told from Ginger's point of view, but all we get about Katy's character is the Princess Waterbean anecdote, and that has nothing to do thematically with anything else that happens. If Katy likes to play pretend, give us more than that. How does she play pretend any differently than any other six year old girl?

docbeard posted:

A rebellious young woman decides to leave her home to escape an arranged marriage, is quickly murdered by the Undying Man, spends a moment figuring out that she's a ghost, then prepares a revenge scheme.

That description was a mouthful, and it doesn't even sound like a whole story. It sounds like the second chapter to a longer story about revenge, a complicated post-apocalyptic world, and the Undying Man. Ela doesn't even feel like the only character of significance here. Chapter three would be about somebody else that the Undying Man has managed to piss off somehow. There's so much going on in the margins of this story that the format itself just feels terribly restricting. If this is part of a broader narrative you're playing with in your head that you want to go long-form, well, mission accomplished, you got your worldbuilding down correctly and were able to pull off quality writing even in an ill-suited format. But if you really were just trying to write a short story you should be less ambitious with your concepts. There's only so much you can cram into a thousand words.

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014





The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES

I am so, so sorry. You are the saddest rhino of them all.
Also, thanks.

Echo Cian
Jun 16, 2011



The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES

Fixed that for you, fellow insane person.

I wish you'd posted these sooner so people could have read it and learned and not made the exact same mista-

hahaha who am I kidding if people listened to advice we'd have good stories. Or even stories at all.


My crits will be up soon. Don't look forward to them.

Whalley
Mar 5, 2004

neato devito


The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES
Thanks (and sorry) for the ridiculously awesome amount of effort you put in here.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES

Thank you for your critiques, and for exposing yourself to near-lethal levels of Thunderdomium, you brave, doomed soul.

Some Guy TT posted:

Crits and crits and crits

Thank you for yours, as well.

docbeard fucked around with this message at Mar 26, 2014 around 19:29

Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?


I was a massive flake last week, but I'm in again this week. This time I'm hoping to be a massive bounty instead. Mmmm, coconut...

Martha Stewart Undying
Oct 22, 2012



in

That Old Ganon
Jan 2, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Djeser posted:

THE FLASH RULES
Your character is holding an item from the beginning of your story to the end. They do not put it down.
In, and I'll use this one.

RunningIntoWalls
Dec 8, 2013

THUNDERDOME LOSER

QuoProQuid posted:

I did line by line critiques for RunningIntoWalls, Masonity, Some Guy TT, and That Old Ganon for Week #84: Who You Gonna Call? but forgot to post them earlier.



The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES


I am going to personally apologize to the judges and the people who decided to crit my vile first attempt (and second attempt). I'm am so very sorry about this and will sit the next few prompts out. Maybe send some would be submissions over to the Fiction Advice thread.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


STOP APOLOGIZING AND JUST WRITE WELL

Fumblemouse
Mar 21, 2013


STANDARD
DEVIANT


Grimey Drawer

RunningIntoWalls posted:

I am going to personally apologize to the judges and the people who decided to crit my vile first attempt (and second attempt). I'm am so very sorry about this and will sit the next few prompts out. Maybe send some would be submissions over to the Fiction Advice thread.

Apologies have no place in the Dome of Thunder. Sure you fought and then died, horribly, like a pitiful insect being squashed by a poo-encrusted shoe, but you don't have to avoid the 'Dome as some sort of penance. If you want to improve, a much better penance is to toughen your napkin-like chitin with 'Dome deadlines that will give you an incentive to keep writing - widely regarded as a superior method of advancement than thinking about writing, promising to write, and imagining winning writing awards/universal literary adulation/true love through your deathless prose *combined*.

With the number of Entrants each round these days, it's actually a lot easier to see trends in terms of what works and what doesn't...if you apply a little elbow grease. So read the other stories, read their crits and learn from those as well. Stop in on IRC and ask if anyone will give your sub a quick run through to spot any obvious horrors. The proper response to sucking is not to withdraw but to SUCK LESS. If that's what you honestly want to do, there will be someone to watch your back in the arena (and provide another body to clamber over on your way to the top).

People have crawled their way back from the Losertar to win the Crown of Thunder, and their victory is all the sweeter for it.

nickmeister
Apr 7, 2009

Patron of the Pants


In.

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God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


RunningIntoWalls posted:

will sit the next few prompts out

This is the wrong choice.

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