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Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

Undying and Unemployed
745 words


"You don't understand, boss. I need this job. This is all I've got." I pleaded with him, but I could see in his eyes that it was a lost cause.

"Look, I'm sorry kid. You're a good worker, you've always been there for us. But we've got to downsize with the economy the way it is, and well... You're expendable. I hate to do it, but I've got to make the call." That was it. The final nail in the coffin. Though I guess that phrase is useless now, too. My head hung low, and I felt his bony hand pat my shoulder.

At least I wasn't escorted out by security. But what damage could I have done, anyway? It's not like I could go postal and kill them all.

Jesus, how am I going to explain this to the missus? Or the kids? This is just great, the only thing I'm qualified to do, and I get fired. It all started down there in Atlanta. Hey, it's all well and good to eliminate diseases. I'm fine with never getting sick again, and people still die of natural causes or accidents. Good job, CDC. But then of course the NIH had to get involved. "Hey guys, we've finished mapping the human genome, and we found the code that controls cell replication! We can bring people back from the dead!" Well that's just great. Here I am, relying on people to die just to earn a living, and now you've destroyed the concept of death.

Assholes.

All of this ran through my head on the drive home. I don't even remember getting here, which would have worried me a little if a car accident was something that could kill me. I pulled into the driveway, and... Oh, no. gently caress, it is Wednesday, isn't it? That's the last thing I need right now, my parents coming over for dinner. Well, time to face the music, I guess. The key turning in the lock sounded like a gun cocking next to my head. I almost wished for one, but I suppose it would be worthless since I can't even off myself anymore.

"You're home early. How was work?" Where to begin?

"Oh, you know." Convincing. Get it together, D.

"Dinner's almost ready, your mom is helping me out and your dad is watching the game in the other room." She gave me a kiss and went back to the kitchen to finish up the roast. At least cows can still die. They're the lucky ones.

Dad, of course, was sitting in my chair. If I've told him once, I've told him a thousand times, but he refuses to listen. I took the couch instead, and hoped he wouldn't talk. Everyone else got their prayers answered. Mine, not so much.

"So, how's this news affecting your industry? Gotta be tough on the death business."

The Death Business. His favorite jab at me. "I really wish you wouldn't call it that, dad."

"Why not? You put people in the ground."

"I'm not even going to have this argument with you. Not today."

"Fine." A pause, as he flipped through the channels. "So how was work, anyway? Are they going to cut down your department?"

"I GOT FIRED, DAD! ALRIGHT? THEY DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE, SO THEY FIRED ME!" I don't know why I exploded on him like that. It wasn't his fault.

"What?! You got fired?" That was mom, screeching from the dining room. Dad was too stunned to talk. He didn't even bother picking his jaw up off the floor. I think he would've had a heart attack, if it was possible.

"Yeah, ma, I got fired. They don't really need me anymore, do they? Now that no one can die, it doesn't really make sense to keep paying me."

She barreled in from the dining room, and my wife followed. With the kids in tow, of course. "Well, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, maybe I can find some work harvesting wheat! I've already got the drat scythe!" With that I headed right back out the door. I don't need that poo poo. I could hear my wife calling me.

"Grim! Grim come back, honey!"

I got in my car, and I'm still just driving. I'm not even sure where I'm going to go, but wherever I end up, at least I won't be a burden on my family. Anyone want to hire a Reaper?

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The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


MORE FLASH RULES

If your story is gonna be "punchline (s)he's the grim reaper totes lol" you better not make it suck.

E: gender neutrality

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

The Saddest Rhino posted:

MORE FLASH RULES

If your story is gonna be "punchline (s)he's the grim reaper totes lol" you better not make it suck.



I smell a new avatar in my future.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

magnificent7 posted:

Are you even using real words, crabs magnet?

What was that, babbling twatnugget? You want a dramatized reading of the worst old thunderdome story I can find to drive home the sad truth that it's still better than you'll ever do?

Fine.

Fumblemouse
Mar 21, 2013


STANDARD
DEVIANT


Grimey Drawer

In for The Death of Death and Other Stories aND otHER sTORIES

Roguelike posted:

Fumblemouse
If This Story Was An X-Man It Would Be:
Mastermind.
This is so true. That story was totally an evil, yet debonair, moustachioed Illusionist. Or was it?

Roguelike posted:

sebmojo
If This Story Was An X-Man It Would Be:
Emma Frost.

I don't know about the story, but SebMojo does cover the worst of his cybernetic implant scars with a white bikini.

Good crits all round - your efforts are appreciated, roguelike. Hope you're not *too* broken inside.

Rainbow Unicorn
Aug 4, 2004



My new year's resolution was to write more words so starting with this week's prompt I'm going to submit myself to Thunderdome and maybe someday be a better writer

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


sebmojo posted:

What was that, babbling twatnugget? You want a dramatized reading of the worst old thunderdome story I can find to drive home the sad truth that it's still better than you'll ever do?

Fine.
Your mom's got a pretty voice for a dude.

ps I write for poo poo, that's a given.

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

MY PAPER SOLDIERS
FORM A WALL
FIVE PACES THICK
AND TWICE AS TALL




magnificent7 posted:

Your mom's got a pretty voice for a dude.

ps I write for poo poo, that's a given.
Just shut up and challenge him to a Thunderbrawl, broseph.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


magnificent7 posted:

Your mom's got a pretty voice for a dude.

ps I write for poo poo, that's a given.

Holy flaming Christ, either gently caress him or brawl him. Either way stop posting unless you're throwing down a story.




The Leper Colon V posted:

No story still.

The Leper Colon V posted:

Nope, this is not a story.


The Leper Colon V posted:

This one ma- nope.

The Leper Colon V posted:

No stories anywhere.


The Leper Colon V posted:

6 posts. 0 stories.

Mercedes posted:

Either way stop posting unless you're throwing down a story.

Mercedes fucked around with this message at Jan 8, 2014 around 04:32

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


ReptileChillock
Jan 7, 2014

by Lowtax


Oh BTW guys I totes dug up some dirt on our fave judge FANKY!

Turns out that in her roller derby days she went by the moniker of Miss Andry

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


I saw one in Austin and there was a chick named Aunt Flo. She had red food coloring on her crotch and inner thighs. P classy imo

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Mercedes posted:

Holy flaming Christ, either gently caress him or brawl him. Either way stop posting unless you're throwing down a story.


The Leper Colon V posted:

Just shut up and challenge him to a Thunderbrawl, broseph.
Fine. FINE.

I challenge you to a brawl. 500 words of pure telling, NO showing.

Wait. I don't even know who I'm supposed to thunderbrawl or wtf I'm doing. This should end well.

magnificent7 fucked around with this message at Jan 8, 2014 around 15:36

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


magnificent7 posted:

Fine. FINE.

I challenge you to a brawl. 500 words of pure telling, NO showing.

I will judge because I'm feeling charitable / masochistic.

MAGNIFICIENT7 VS SEBMOJO THUNDERBRAWL 2014

Write 500 words of pure telling without showing. Your theme is: Magic Realism*. Extra favours with me if you are able to set your piece in a non traditional White People / English-speaking community.

* I do not care how you interpret that. Go figure it out.

If either of you drop out I'll make fun of you on the Internet.

You have until 11 January 2014 12 noon PST. Go.

The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Jan 8, 2014 around 15:45

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


The Saddest Rhino posted:

Magic Realism: Go figure it out.

Nobody ever does.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Martello posted:

Nobody ever does.

I like to think that the genre itself has magical realism qualities. Which is why no one can define it.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Martello posted:

Nobody ever does.

The various references on it don't seem to agree on what it is, and not one single quoted reference agreed with the one that was pulled out of the arse of whichever judge used it as a prompt.

Zack_Gochuck
Jan 3, 2007

Stupid Wrestling People


Is insect death OK?

*Edit* or any animal for that matter.

Zack_Gochuck fucked around with this message at Jan 8, 2014 around 18:47

derp
Jan 21, 2010


Lipstick Apathy

what about farts, can they die

Chair Bird
May 2, 2012


I'm in

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Chairchucker posted:

The various references on it don't seem to agree on what it is, and not one single quoted reference agreed with the one that was pulled out of the arse of whichever judge used it as a prompt.

It was ESB and me and we didn't agree either.

derp
Jan 21, 2010


Lipstick Apathy

I think magical realism refers to the genre created by the groundbreaking hbo series Throne Games.

Zack_Gochuck
Jan 3, 2007

Stupid Wrestling People


uranus posted:

what about farts, can they die

Good farts never die. They stay in the fabric forever.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


magnificent7 posted:

Fine. FINE.

I challenge you to a brawl. 500 words [/s]of pure telling, NO showing[/s].


Yea, because people want to read boring stories that make them go cross eyed with the want to kill each other.

The Saddest Rhino posted:

I will judge because I'm feeling charitable / masochistic.

MAGNIFICIENT7 VS SEBMOJO VS MERCEDES THUNDERBRAWL 2014

Write 500 words of pure telling without showing. Your theme is: Magic Realism*. Extra favours with me if you are able to set your piece in a non traditional White People / English-speaking community.

* I do not care how you interpret that. Go figure it out.

If either of you drop out I'll make fun of you on the Internet.

You have until 11 January 2014 12 noon PST. Go.

I am terribly sorry my good friend Rhino, but a story about magic realism that's all tell will make people want to claw their eyes out.

NEW PROMPT

We in the Thunderdome do love to be entertained. An Addendum!! Magic Realism is still in, no show is out. Its replacement?

I'm glad you asked.



ANIMES I want you guys to give me your best Mary Sue motherfucker set with a Magic Realism backdrop. And I want to be entertained goddamn you. And gently caress you if you had to start over again. I can tell you right now it wasn't going to be a good story without any show.

Rhino, I'll judge with you (if you would have me) and bring the popcorn.

Mercedes fucked around with this message at Jan 8, 2014 around 21:12

sentientcarbon
Aug 21, 2008

OFFLINE GAMES ARE THE FUTURE OF ONLINE GAMING

The numbers don't lie. 99.99% of every Diablo 3 player wants the game to be offline. This is a FACT.

OH SHIT IS THAT A WEBCAM? HOLY CRAP GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! (I am terrified of being spied on, because I am a very interesting person)


Zack_Gochuck posted:

Is insect death OK?

*Edit* or any animal for that matter.

Sure, if it makes the story better. I'm solely interested in what happens to humans/humanity when they can't die, but animal death is allowable on a as-long-as-it-makes-the-story-not-suck basis.

uranus posted:

what about farts, can they die

All we are is farts in the wind

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

for that, merc, you're putting in an entry too.

oh, and in on this ridiculous brawl

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


sebmojo posted:

for that, merc, you're putting in an entry too.

oh, and in on this ridiculous brawl

You goddamn son of bitch. I have other poo poo I'm working on and I don't have time-










gently caress YEA LETS DO THIS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


The gently caress, you can just addendum a brawl?

My addendum: Tell Don't Show.

Entenzahn
Nov 15, 2012

Did you FAIL THUNDERDOME Entenzahn? Don't worry, here's an example on how to write!

I always want to do this and then I procrastinate past the deadline. Sign me up please, then I'll have to write something.

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


magnificent7 posted:

The gently caress, you can just addendum a brawl?

My addendum: Tell Don't Show.

Hello, this is Thunderdome, we hope you enjoy your stay.

Meinberg
Oct 9, 2011

ICE-MEIN


magnificent7 posted:

The gently caress, you can just addendum a brawl?

My addendum: Tell Don't Show.

gently caress you, your addendum is as stupid as your face.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


magnificent7 posted:

The gently caress, you can just addendum a brawl?

My addendum: Tell Don't Show.

You can't just addendum a brawl. Mercedes is a motherfuckin Unlockable Bonus Character. Did you not read the OP or what?

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


magnificent7 posted:

The gently caress, you can just addendum a brawl?

My addendum: Tell Don't Show.



If you want to write in a way that will nearly guarantee you a loss, go right the gently caress ahead.

Good stories both show and tell.

Barracuda Bang!
Oct 21, 2008

The first rule of No Avatar Club is: you do not talk about No Avatar Club. The second rule of No Avatar Club is: you DO NOT talk about No Avatar Club

Grimey Drawer

I'm back, and in

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


UGH. I wake up to this poo poo? I'm the judge so I'll agree with Merc even though I have no idea what an "anime" genre is, much like everyone has no clue what the "magical realism" genre is.

MAGICAL REALISM + ANIME - "TELL DON'T SHOW" - FURTHER NEGOTIATION = YOUR BRAWL PROMPT

NOTE: I'm looking really closely to make sure you show not tell everything.

The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at Jan 8, 2014 around 23:44

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

this thread right now

this motherfucking thread

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

also my attorney has advised me to inform you that SHUT UP AND WRITE*











*NOT IN THIS THREAD

Emy
Apr 21, 2009


I'm in.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

A random crit of one that missed the cut last round.

curlingiron posted:

Welp. I'll put it here, and maybe in the other thread, too, if that's okay.


The Good Boy - 437 words


Brutus climbed the steps to the room, the familiar creak of the old slats in eerie contrast to the chaos and howls from outside. He did not want to reach the top, but had to keep moving. He felt the others’ eyes upon him, judging.

Okay you've chucked a bunch of balls in the air. what is the chaos, who is watching, what's in the room. You have 400 words to have them drop in a satisfying way.

He had waited as long as he could, but even he could see that the writing was on the wall. The good times were over, and he knew that if he wanted to live, he would have to find a place in this new world on his own.
Nope. Plus this is all filler. 400 words, man. Plus, dogs can't read.

He hesitated. He knew that he shouldn’t, but he turned his head, looking down at the audience there. The short one – the leader, not because of a natural gift but due to a relentless, deep-seated fury that kept him fighting until long after the big men would run crying – met his eyes, a challenge. Nope. Also kinda fillery.

“Well? You’ve got this far, don’t tell us you’ve changed your mind!” The short one smiled nastily, baring his teeth. Nope.

Brutus returned to the stairs, and finally reached the top. The room was there. Nope. Also redundant, you've already said this.

The first two had been easy. The Man, Brutus had learned long ago, took joy in tormenting those weaker than him, and though he claimed to love Brutus, what he really loved was showing Brutus his place. No gift went without some cruel joke, no tenderness except that in mocking apology for the pain that preceded it. Getting there, but nope.

The Woman was not quite so unkind, but with bottle in hand had seen Brutus alone, neglected, unfed and, unable to care for himself, punished when he finally succumbed to nature’s necessities and soiled himself, humiliated. Okay closer, but still nope.

But here was the Boy, and the Boy had been kind. Okay we have the three sketched out and know that the third is behind the door, the potential for a satisfying closer approaches.

“Puppy?” came the voice, small, from beneath the bed, and the Boy’s golden head emerged slowly from beneath a comforter, faded but beloved, by both Brutus and his Boy.

He felt his resolve melt. He sighed, felt the gentle touch of the Boy’s hand upon his head, and knew he could not do it.

“Traitor!” shrieked the short one, bolting up the stairs. Brutus turned, but before he could even raise a hackle, the boy struck.

The short one recoiled, stunned, as the missile – a baseball, long familiar to Brutus – rebounded, and the Boy bent to pick it up, ready to strike again.

Brutus heard a familiar laugh. No, she was dead; the Woman was gone, but here…

He turned, and yes, there was the Boy, laughing the Woman’s careless laugh, the Man’s look of contempt on his face.

“Stupid dog!”

Brutus made it quick, because he had been a Good Boy. Nope, nope nope. What is the chaos outside - kill all humans day? Ok. So the protag is a dog - do stairs really creak when dogs climb them? So the dog kills the boy... How? You've laden everything into the final OMG they are DOGS TWEEST and it doesn't stand up because you've skipped important details to keep the twist secret. And it feels cheap because the characters don't seem that doggy.

That said I'm enjoying it more in retrospect, which suggests your basic idea is sound. It's a decent evocation of the prompt, mans best friend etc, but twist endings are very 14 year old things to write. Let go.

sebmojo fucked around with this message at Jan 9, 2014 around 01:48

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Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


All this time Thunderdome was really just the Nite Crew of Creative Convention.

Just write.

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