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Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Fanfiction? The hackiest genre of writing known to man? Fantastic! Count me in! And for added schlock value, I'm going to write video game fanfiction -- Megaman X to be precise. It's what I grew up with, it's what I love, and I already reference the gently caress out of it in my own writing so it's familiar. It'll be fun trying to wrest a coherent story out of that game's mess of a storyline.

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Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Hey, no matter how horrible my story is, it can't be any worse than what actually happened in the series. Did you know Sigma was eventually defeated by magical elves? I couldn't come up with stuff that bad if I tried!

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Into Frozen Jaws.
Prompt: Megaman X
Words: 1199


A bolt of light descended into the snow bank and coalesced into a blue-armored figure. He scanned the frozen wastes, chill winds cutting through his sturdy armor into artificial musculature.

"Switch," Omni said. "Do you copy?"

"Yes," she replied over radio. "How's it look?"

"Empty." Omni looked about. "You sure about the coordinates?"

"Absolutely -- sensors don't lie."

Though Switch couldn't see it, Omni shook his head. "Maybe not, but they don't..."

"Omni? What's going on?"

Automatons burst from the snow, their eyes glowing balefully in the arctic twilight. They charged Omni, armaments ready. They were fast.

Omni was faster.

Charged plasma sheared through the horde, vaporizing snow, showering the area with molten shrapnel; it stank of ozone and scorched steel. They were mindless automatons, but Omni still regretted the destruction.

"Omni! Respond!"

"Sorry," Omni replied, running in the direction the automatons burrowed from, IR sensors picking up heat traces in the distance. "You were right."

***

Subzero Smilodon paced his lair, claws flexing, teeth and icy tusks bared. Proximity alarms were tripped, automatons destroyed, and the former Rebel Hunter's circuits burned eagerly.

He vaguely remembered a time before the Virus, when he didn't hear the Master's sweet, whispered promises of glory and carnage, proving the superiority of Android over man. Sometimes the Master's voice fell quiet and when he thought of the victory over the humans of the research station, he didn't feel like a hero; he felt like a murderer.

Thankfully those times were rare. So what if they were unarmed? So what if he was built to protect them? They were human -- inferior. Death was a mercy.

So easy to judge. How are you better?

He roared, the cavern reverberating with the noise. "I am an Android, proud and strong!"

Strong enough to kill unarmed humans. Strong enough to kill children.

Subzero Smilodon clutched his head and clenched his teeth, a harsh buzz cutting through his skull. "I did what was right. I did what I must."

It's not too late. You're a killer, but you can be helped. You can be redeemed.

The Rebel bellowed. "Redeemed? I'm perfect! He told me so!"

Subzero Smilodon remembered his earliest days. He remembered his first body, a featureless humanoid frame. He remembered his human instructors -- they treated him like a child, a pet, a tool. He remembered the virtual training grounds where they discovered his aptitude for close combat in cold environments. He remembered marveling at his new body, at the sleekness and power it boasted. Then he remembered the shame he'd felt, the failed missions, the hesitation to strike down Rebels. Simulations were easy -- real combat wasn't.

But now you are past such weakness, crooned a deep inner voice, stronger than the plaintive whine. You are one of My eight generals. You will lead My forces to victory and My people to freedom, won't you?

Tears came to his eyes; he fell to his knees. The Master spoke to him! "Yes! Anything for You!"

I knew My faith was not misplaced, the Master said. A traitor comes; he will be there soon. I would see him dead.

"I will bring You his broken, frozen body as proof of my devotion!" Subzero Smilodon roared, his doubts melting away, crystallizing into conviction. "Omni will die!"

***

Omni dismounted the Ride Chaser he'd scavenged; the terrain ahead was too unstable for it to cross, sections of ice collapsing into a vast gully. Omni checked the info Switch had provided -- there was opposition ahead. Good.

He dashed across the ledges, avoiding turrets and returning fire. He spied a gate and jumped onto the wall above, skidding downward. Omni cracked the simple locking mechanism with a casual hack, sighing as he realized how many times he'd done this in the past. Are we doomed to forever repeat history?

He strode through the hallway, arm-cannon ready, then went through the second gate. Subzero Smilodon waited.

"Welcome, Omni." He grinned and slashed about with frozen talons, icy tusks glinting. "Come to beg for your life?"

Omni aimed his arm-cannon. "I've come to talk sense into you. Don't you understand what you've done?"

"I understand your masters have ordered my death, as well as the deaths of my fellows." Levity drained from his tone, replaced with hatred. "I understand humans regard us as tools to be used and discarded. I understand you, too, would be discarded in time.

"Thankfully, you'll not live that long!"

The Rebel attacked. He was quick for his size; Omni barely dashed out of the way of his blades. Bolts of plasma smashed into Smilodon, leaving smoking craters in his armor.

The Rebel flipped, dashing over the walls by his claws. "Only a fool fights alone! Tear him to shreds, pets!"

Encased in chunks of ice were feline shapes that broke free at Smilodon's order, and they pounced at Omni. Their claws and teeth were keen, and back-mounted plasma cannons crackled. Omni destroyed the saber-toothed automatons one by one, but not unharmed.

Smilodon leapt down, his automatons dispatched, and laughed as Omni struggled to stay standing; damage took its toll. "Tired? Ready to surrender?"

"Smilodon," Omni gasped, raising his arm-cannon at the gloating Rebel, "this isn't you! Resist!"

Smilodon paused.

If you give in to the infection, you'll be a mere slave.

It is not slavery if it is your choice. Kill him!

Resist!

Obey Me! Kill Omni!

Smilodon screamed. He attacked Omni with bestial ferocity, talons and teeth flashing. Smilodon had power and speed on his side; Omni was gifted with patience and experience. The Rebel's aggression made him vulnerable. Smilodon hurled himself at Omni, his claws slicing into the Hunter's armor. Every strike cost him dearly as Omni's arm-cannon pumped volleys of crackling plasma blasts into Smilodon's torso. Omni's shots pierced Smilodon's coolant reserves. He fell to his knees and took a weak swipe at Omni, tusks shattered, claws melted.

"Smilodon." Omni stood above him, arm-cannon unwavering, expression torn. "I'm begging you to surrender. Please. We can cure you -- we can make you whole."

"Wh-whole...?" Smilodon coughed up thick blackish-green circulatory fluid, struggling to rise. "I... don't... want this."

You have failed Me.

"No," Smilodon whispered, "I didn't fail. I..."

Failures have no place in My world. Accept your punishment.

Omni knelt to the quaking Rebel. "We'll help you-

Smilodon erupted into a massive explosion, smashing Omni against the ice-rimed wall. Omni cursed at the smoking wreckage that had once been Subzero Smilodon and cracked his fist against the ground.

"Omni, this is Switch. Our sensors show the Rebel general's control protocols are deactivated. Did you neutralize him?"

"'Neutralize,'" Omni spat, disgusted. "Yes, Switch. He was... 'neutralized.'" His eyes shut as he stumbled to his feet.

"Understood. Come back to base after you collect his data; you sound like you could use some repairs." Switch sounded relieved, upbeat. Omni hated her for it. "We'll send troops to deal with stragglers".

Omni knelt and touched the remains, absorbing its data; a tactile, digital reminder that it used to be a living being.

"Data collected. Omni out."

A bolt of azure light ascended, leaving behind the cooling wreckage.

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 02:49 on Dec 20, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Yeah, I won't be entering this week. I could probably find time to write but I'd rather find time to Christmas. I'll try to post the story at some later date.

Aw, that's a shame -- I was looking forward to reading your work. Even your low-effort hastily written comedy stuff is really lyrical.

Actually, from what I've read so far, everyone's work here is really good. I'm glad I discovered Thunderdome, if only for the free quality short fiction.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

An amazing piece of literature, that.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Thunderdome Two-Oh-One-Five: Flash fiction to fill the void

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Well, I gave it a go and got my poo poo thoroughly pushed in as foretold in the Dead Sea scrolls. Now to lurk and practice my awful, awful writing. Thanks for having me and reading my drivel!

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

sebmojo posted:

Bullshit. Keep writing and keep getting better. Sign up for next week and I'll do you a crit for this week.

D'aww, all right. Not gonna lie, even the worst of the other stories was miles above mine, so the fact anybody read it -- and the fact Your Sledgehammer had so many really positive, helpful things to say! -- was both surprising and really, really humbling. If people don't mind my literary stumbling I'll keep writing and trying out. I don't expect to win any time soon -- at least, not until somebody burns the painting Grizzled Patriarch keeps hidden in his closet -- but I do want to get better.

EDIT: Hey, losertars don't cost anyone here money, do they? :ohdear:

Screaming Idiot fucked around with this message at 04:43 on Dec 23, 2014

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

I'm in, and so is my friend the Yin-Yang Merman.


"I'm totally ready to open the blood gates."

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Chairchucker, shouldn't your merman be part manta ray instead of part fish?

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Merry Christmas. I hope none of you are paralyzed or afflicted with some horrific disease. I hope your acquaintances bring you desired material goods, and I hope you did not spend too much on theirs. I hope your food is palatable, and your homes adequate. I hope your deity of choice looks upon you with favor, and that your reasonable wishes come true within a short while. I hope your offspring -- for those of you who have some -- do not disappoint you in their endeavors.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Posting my story early because I don't know if I'll have internet access Sunday. :(

Cold Beach, Cold Beer

Prompt: A Christmas ornament shaped like a tattooed metrosexual merman

Words: 1452


The breeze coming off the ocean was cold, but the beer and the campfire helped, though it did jack for the chill deep inside. I grabbed another beer from my bag, popped the top, and took a deep chug. I winced.

Bitter. Skunky. Appropriate.

My backpack tipped over. One of the cans rolled down toward the water, and I shrugged -- gently caress it, the ocean gets a beer tonight. I watched the silvery can as it was carried away by the dark water. I saluted.

Bon voyage, Natty Light.

A hand burst out of the water and grabbed the can submerging without a trace. I blinked, then smirked. I must've gotten wasted faster than usual -- there is no way I saw that.

The hand returned, offering a cheery thumbs-up. I poured out my beer.

"What the gently caress! Don't dis the brew, bro!" A voice like quicksilver boomed from the ocean. I watched in amazement as a being of indescribable majesty rose from the deep, his toned, tanned body glistening with moisture, moonlight reflecting from his cheap plastic shades. One hand held a beer, the other reached out to me in a plaintive gesture.

I stared.

The immaculate, yet strangely familiar man dove beneath the waves, then appeared at the shore, easily dragging himself up the sand with his toned arms. He pulled himself beside me and opened his beer.

"I been watching you, Ben."

I looked at him. Beneath his silver, ruby-studded belt down he was all fish-tail; his scales shone like well-oiled leather. He grinned.

"Surprised, huh? Yeah. You come out here every weekend, get drunk, and bitch about your life to nobody at all. Always the same depressing poo poo.

"But that comes to an end, my friend! Tonight you paid tribute -- tonight you reap the reward." He opened the beer and drank it, crumpling the can and setting it with my other empties. "I'm gonna help you."

"You're going to...?"

He laughed. "By the time I'm done, you will be drowning in buds and babes!"

"...the merman is going to teach me how to drown?"

He glared. "Whoa. Not cool. That is our word, bro."

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Forget it." He reached into my pack and grabbed another beer. "We only got a few more hours 'til daylight, and I got a lot of wisdom to lay on you. You ready to receive? No homo."

I nodded, still a little unbelieving.

"Cool," he said. The he revealed the secrets of the universe to me.


***


The weather was still lovely, but at least the rain stopped and I got a nice blaze going. Then I started the campfire. I had my backpack of beer nearby as always, but I wasn't hate-chugging tonight -- my week had gone too well for me to need it. I reclined against the smooth boulder, joint in hand, an easy smile on my face. Would he show again? He said so, but he also said he had his own things. I'm okay with that. Hell, I'm okay with a lot now.

I went into class last Monday tired and hosed up on beer and cosmic wisdom -- and I was surprisingly relaxed for it. He told me to talk to people, and I did. He told me to stop worrying, and I did. He told me I'd be all right, and I am.

I heard a splash, and there he was, crawling up the shore. He grinned up at me, doing a quick twenty push-ups before flopping beside me and snatching a beer from my bag.

"Gotta work on the triceps, man. Arm day, yo." He popped the tab and took a sip, smacking his lips. "Hey, you got the good poo poo! Nice, nice."

"You were right," I said. "About everything. It's like... gently caress, I can't describe it. Everything is just so easy now. I don't think I've ever been so at peace with myself."

"You ask her out yet?"

"Not yet." I looked away, then took a hit, holding it in to savor the sweet smoke.

"Hey, pass that poo poo," he said, gesturing to my joint. Still holding my breath, I passed it to him.

"Best part of being on dry land is the weed," he said. "But poo poo, son, I told you -- ask that bitch out! What's the worst she gonna do, cut your balls off? Even so, better to have balled and lost than to not have had balls at all."

"What's your name?"

He frowned and flicked away the stub of my joint. "You're a bro, but you're not a bro, bro. Besides, you couldn't even pronounce my real name."

"What can I call you, then?"

He sighed. "Just call me Brad. Now dude, you gotta promise me -- ask her out."

I swallowed. Well, the merman -- Brad, rather -- hasn't steered me wrong yet.

"All right, man," I said, handing him a beer and opening one for myself. "I'll do it."

He beamed. "That's my bro."


***


Her lips were soft and sweet against mine as she shivered in my arms, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't just from the cold. She broke the kiss and gave me a shy smile, her chocolate-tinted lips and deep brown eyes big and bright in the light of the full moon.

"So this is it, huh? Your special place?" She looked around, drinking in the scenery. "It's as nice as you said."

I let her go and started the fire with easy, practiced motions. It felt strange to share this private little place with someone else. Even weirder to share it with someone like Kara. As soon as I had the fire started I motioned for her to sit with me against my boulder, and she snuggled in close to share the warmth and bask in my presence. We spent a long time in one another's arms, quiet and comfortable.

"Ben, I... I wanted to thank you," she said.

"Why? I mean, it was just a burger-"

"Not about dinner, dummy." She nipped the tip of my nose. "For asking me out last Monday. For breaking the ice. This week's been great -- I don't think I've ever been with anyone so sweet or had so much fun just hanging out."

I felt my cheeks burn and I looked away. "I'm just surprised you didn't laugh in my face. Hell, I'm half-convinced you're just humoring me, and that you're going to leave me after tonight."

"I might if you keep putting yourself down. C'mon babe, where's your confidence?" She straddled my lap and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Maybe I just need to wake it up?"

I looked up at her, the fire in my cheeks growing, but I found the strength to resist her -- for now. It was too soon, too much, too fast. She sensed my hesitation, and she adjusted herself to be less... distracting.

Christ, I'm a coward.

"So," she said, clearing her throat, "why is this place special to you? It's nice, but you don't seem to be the kind of guy to appreciate an ocean view."

"My older brother used to take me here Sunday nights." I rested her head on my shoulder. "We used to come out here and bullshit when I was a kid. I always felt so cool sitting out here, taking sips off my brother's beer while he told me the facts of life."

"Aw, that's sweet." She laughed. "Where is he now?"

It hurt to answer her. "He's gone. One day he drank too much and swam too far -- I never saw him again."

She was quiet for a long time; she'd seen the hurt on my face, I could see it in her eyes. She buried her face in my neck and left a trail of comforting kisses, her arms warm as they held me. When she finally mustered the courage to speak again, her voice was quiet.

"What was his name?"

I heard a splash from the ocean.

"Ben." She repeated herself. "What was his name?"

"Bradley," I said.

"I think your brother would be proud of you." She touched my cheek, and I touched hers.

I glanced at the ocean and smirked. I nudged my bag, and a can of beer tumbled down the beach into the water.

She noticed the beer roll down the beach. "Aren't you gonna get that?"

"Naw," I said with a growing smile. "The ocean gets a beer tonight."

I watched the silvery can as it was carried away by the dark water. I saluted.

Bon voyage, Natty Light. And bon voyage, Brad.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Forgive me if this sounds dumb, but could we use the same software Baldurk uses for the LP Archive to archive the Thunderdome? I'm not sure about the technical aspects, but some LP threads are absolutely massive and sprawling, and even the largest seem to be archived completely intact.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

I've been skimming this thread for a while now and I'm glad you've all given me the chance to participate. Even though my stuff's bottom-of-the-barrel bad, it's nice to be able to write and have people look at it. Hopefully I'll someday measure up with some of you guys in the future!

Also, it was extremely tempting to make my merman story a riff on the Cthulhu mythos -- Brad the merman was originally going to be a disguised demigod, and Ben was to sacrifice his new girlfriend to him -- but I don't have the chops to pull off that sort of twist. Besides, we already had an HP Lovecraft parody last time.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

crabrock posted:

I know, right? Also people didn't hate yours this week, at least in IRC people were saying they liked it, so keep it up.

Thank you! In recent months I've been unable to write anything except for my novel series, so any excuse to expand my subject matter while providing an impetus to finish my work and keep it snappy is more than welcome.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

I'm all over this like stink on rice!

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Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

I am grateful for any input and criticism anyone is willing to give.

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