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derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
Ok I will write a thing.

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derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
I wrote a thing. It is under the limit, just for you Fanky.


Duat (1249 words)



I push open the door to the lab and cringe inwardly. He is there, already working, crouched before the towering contraption in the center of the room, making some adjustment. Simon Barrister, my research partner. He is brilliant and young and tireless, a credit to the team. A pain in my rear end.

He looks up at me. “Hey Carl, working the holiday too?”

It’s new year’s eve, we’re probably the only ones in the facility. “Yeah.”

I get right to work on the computer, setting up the next test pattern. The hulking machine rumbles to life, great coils sputtering electricity, a giant magnetic disc spinning faster and faster. It reaches the flash point, where the gate should open--and nothing happens.

I don’t even feel the disappointment anymore. In fact, I feel relief. If it had worked while he was here, then it would be harder to get out of sharing the credit with him.

As the machine winds down the data is collected, stored in the computer for analysis to determine what permutation we should use next. Each test narrows it down exponentially. The discovery is close. I can feel it, like a word on the tip of my tongue.

The multiverse theory was proved years ago. Every possible universe is known to exist, right next to us, separated only by a thin film. If we can figure out how to punch through, we could have infinite energy, infinite resources. The first team to publish the the proof will be immortalized--not just in this universe, but in all the others we invade.

The first team, or the first man.

Simon looks up from his work “Hey It’s almost midnight. Want a glass of champagne?”

“Sure, why not.”

He comes back with a bottle, pops it open like a high-class waiter and pours the golden, twinkling stuff into my glass. It’s good. Crisp, refreshing. It lightens my heart a bit.

“You know,” I say. “The ancient Egyptians had a belief in a second world. Duat, they called it. It was like an afterlife, but different in that you could travel between there and here through gateways.”

“Like our gateway, eh?” Simon takes a big drink.

“Yeah,” I say. “The burial chambers were like conduits between the two worlds, you could travel back and forth between them. Its all written in their religion, in their books of the dead. I have some pottery from that time, you know. Inscribed with religious verses. Very old. Very rare.”

“I didn’t know you were into antiques.”

“I just started collecting recently.” I bought it at an auction six months ago, around the time I began my plan to screw Simon out of publishing.

I will be the one to discover Duat. There will be no our findings, only my findings. I have already been writing the paper that I will publish under my own name when the final piece to the puzzle is acquired. I have been writing it for months, and all that is left is to insert the missing data.

This nearly finished paper is stored, etched in microdot, on my ancient pot. I dare not store it on any computer connected to the net. Even any electronic device at all could be suspected, looked into, hacked. But no one could possibly suspect the antique artifact sitting on my mantlepiece.

The only risk is in its fragility. I do not keep a backup. If the pot were to break, my plans would be ruined--it almost did, once.

It was Christmas eve, and I had several people over, including the director of our lab, Steven Barks. I was showing him the pot--I believe in hiding things in plain sight--and he dropped it.

I remember watching it slip from his fingers and all the thoughts rushing through my head at lightning speed. All the steps of remorse--denial, anger, bargaining--passing by in a flash. Then my Labrador, for reasons only dogs know, came tearing across the room and ran right between us. The pot bounced off his hindquarters, landed on my foot, and rolled unscathed onto the floor.

I often think about all the endless things that could have gone differently. If the dog had chosen not to run. If the pot had rolled off Steven’s fingers in a slightly different way, if i’d been standing several inches further back. All of these would have led to tragedy. Constant worrying about what might happen to it at home became distracting. Now I keep the pot on my desk in my office here at the lab, where I spend most of my time.

I realize I’ve been silent for a long while, so I raise my drink at Simon and drain the rest. “We’d better get back to it.”

He nods and takes my glass. “I’ll put these away.”

He’s only been gone for a moment when it happens. Just as he steps around the corner there’s a shimmering glow over the magnetic disc of the machine. A kind of ripple, like a mirage, but emitting light.

I leap to my feet and run to the computer, but there is nothing, no readout. It’s not being caused by the machine--the thing isn’t even powered up.

The shimmer gets brighter and there is a wet, popping sound, then I can see right through it, clear as day. Like looking through a window. I see another lab, like ours. It’s coming from there, I realize. Some other version of my lab has figured out the missing data and opened the gate. And it opened into my universe.

My suspicions are confirmed as I watch myself step through the gate.

It’s surreal, unsettling. He’s me, but not me. His hair is slightly different, thinner, but well cared for. His face is a bit darker, more worn looking. His clothes are the same as mine, but a shade lighter.

“Oh good, it’s you,” he says.

“You solved it!” My eyes are wide, my heart pounding. “You’ve got to tell me how. Before he comes back.” I would tell me, wouldn’t I? If anyone would help me in my plans, it would be me.

“Quick then,” he says. “To my--er, your office.”

He follows me out of the lab and into my office. I shut the door and he looks around, his eyes finally settling on my pot.

“So, you still have it,” he says. “In the dozen universes I’ve been to so far, this is the first one I’ve seen where I didn’t break it.”

“Then you weren’t able to publish in time? To cut out Simon?”

“Oh I’ve got time,” he says. “Simon took the day off in my world, for the holiday. I’ve only been searching through the universes--through Duat-- for an hour or so.”

I narrow my eyes. “Searching for what?”

He laughs. “I’m not really this dumb am I?” He picks the pot up from my desk. “For this of course, I knew there must be a universe where it didn’t break.”

“What? You can’t--”

“Sorry pal,” he says, darting for the door. “You’ll have to find your own.”

And he’s gone, rushing toward the lab. I take off after him but my shock gave him too much of a head start. By the time I get back he’s leaping through the gate.

The hole blinks out of existence right as I reach it.

Simon returns to see me standing there, staring.

“Ready?” he says.

My heart pounds with new determination. “Yeah, lets get to work.”

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
Type everything in google dox.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Jagermonster posted:

Figmo
860 Words

You don’t need two legs to logroll in the Senate. Arthur Trant hadn't even chosen where to display his purple heart in his new office when his phone started ringing. Three years later allies and rivals within and across party lines still relentlessly sought his endorsement despite his past stances, or called in favors for projects they’d freely supported. The fatigue wrought by three long years of deal-making drained the strength from his flesh and prosthetic alike.

Exhausted and disillusioned, Senator Trant caved into the Majority Whip and confirmed his intention to vote with his party tomorrow. He hung up on the breathless prattling man and waited. Like shrapnel the news exploded from the Whip’s aides in all directions, bouncing and ricocheting between Senate offices, across party lines. No doubt it would reach Senator James Morse within minutes.

The power Arthur wielded unsettled him. With one phone call he had potentially undone from within what no enemy had succeeded in damaging from without. He braced himself for the expected confrontation as the footsteps echoing down the hall grew louder.

“I just got a call,” Senator Morse said, rushing past Arthur’s secretary. He grabbed the edges of Arthur’s desk as if he was going to fling it aside. “A call I couldn't loving believe.” He looked for a reaction in Arthur’s unblinking gaze. “Tell me it’s just a rumor. It’s hollow gossip from some partisan hack trying to ruffle some feathers. Tell me they got it wrong, Arthur.”

“I got my orders.”

“Bullshit.” Jim jabbed the space between them with a trembling finger. “Since when do you vote the party line?”

“Since when do you form exploratory committees? Since when do you have executive ambitions?”

Jim halfheartedly swatted the accusations away.

Arthur pushed himself out of his chair. “You told me you were ‘a man of the people.’ That you belonged in the legislature. You wanted nothing to do with the corruption and unconstitutional power-grabbing of the executive.”

“That’s nothing – absolutely nothing - to do with this vote tomorrow.” He took Arthur’s glass encased Purple Heart from its shelf. He clutched the medal as if it were Arthur’s true moral center, as if he could pump some good sense into Arthur if he just squeezed hard enough. “Whatever I've done,” Jim said. “If I've done something that doesn't sit right with you, I am sorry. But don’t do something repugnant as some sort of political tit for tat.”

Subdued and pleading, Jim betrayed his panic. The firebrand that had stormed into Arthur’s office was the warrior who’d wooed Arthur to abandon his party in order to fight for worthy causes. Arthur could see Jim slipping, down the polls, down the Senate hierarchy, without their partnership.

A handshake, a parting word of hope and this ugly business could be over. “The bill’s not so different than our Banking Initiative, Jim. And it can be improved upon. Just give it a chance.”

“Don’t you dare compare this monstrosity to our good work!” For a second Arthur thought Jim was going to fling his purple heart at him. Instead, he reverently placed it where it had rested.

“I’m tired of the wheeling and dealing. I’m sick of reaching across the aisle and getting a handful of new extorted obligations.”

“I put up with the same drat crap. And it’s worth it. We get results.”

“Now I know what you were after.”

Jim stormed towards the door, but stopped mid-retreat unwilling or unable to walk away and end it. He scanned the framed newspaper articles along the wall with headlines trumpeting the passing of bills they had championed and the defeat of ones they had opposed. “You’re a real sentimental son-of-bitch you know that?” Jim made an about face. “So you’re just going to follow orders now? Huh? gently caress it? Is that the new plan? How’d that work out for you before?” He buried the barb with a nod toward Arthur’s prosthetic leg.

Neither Arthur nor even Jim knew the purpose of attacking Arthur’s service and sacrifice. But they could both feel the effect.

Arthur lowered himself into his chair with practiced poise.

“I hope ya’ll have enough votes to overcome a filibuster,” Jim said, fleeing.

“Not my job to count the votes,” Arthur said to Jim’s back.

The next day during his first of many vengeful filibusters, Senator Morse spoke of duty and loyalty, often in a ranting aimless effort to kill time. He publicly called out Senator Trant for caving to partisan pressure and abandoning his convictions. Again and again he came back to the source of his orders, pounding on his chest, or pointing to his heart.

To Arthur it appeared that Jim was just indicating he did everything to further his own selfish interests or vendettas. Their accomplishments had always just been another feather in Jim’s cap for some future campaign or worse, payback for a broken promise. All the favor trading and political wrangling, the logrolling, had served Jim, because he alone knew the ultimate destination. Until Arthur found his footing the only prudent course of action was to keep to the solid group of partisanship.

This is the best one so far.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
Hello. I will do it.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
what about farts, can they die

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derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy
I think magical realism refers to the genre created by the groundbreaking hbo series Throne Games.

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