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docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





I'm in.

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docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Old Man
1244 Words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:21

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





And now some more of that religious sci-fi that Muffin loves so much. (Sorry I couldn't work in any robot gods.)

Today Thou Shalt Be With Me... (99 words)

“MY NAME IS LEGION,” a thousand thousand voices cried. “FOR WE ARE-” Screams and flesh alike boiled away in a wash of laserlight. The strange gun felt warm in my hands.

“Keep firing!” I shouted to my squadmates, damned souls one and all, rising up at last against our demonic tormentors. “We’re close, we’re so close!”

“Paradise, huh?” I said to that strange, impossible man I’d met the day I died as we cut our way forward, me with my gun, he with a sword forged from a star.

He smiled a defiant, vicious smile. “Day’s not over yet.”

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





48 Words

00:30

wtf they are all red wires

00:25

i’m cutting this one

00:21

or maybe that one

00:17

fine that one

00:14

that didn’t work

00:11

neither did that

00:08

are these wires hooked up to anything

00:02

oh poo poo

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





After a couple of weeks of shameful absence (apparently moving house is "hard" and "time consuming" and "oh god why hast thou forsaken me"), I am in this week with a story involving or concerning Lutetium which will probably not be Bioshock Infinite fan fiction.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Though I already have my element (Lutetium), I would like a flash rule.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Miss Annabel Yoder Finishes Her Quilt
A tale involving lutetium and a lute, in 1195 words.

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:29

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Sure, I'm in.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Flu bad. Fever bad. Brain not make words good. Pathetic excuse. Drop out. Do better next time.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





I am either tremendously relieved or vaguely disappointed that what I half-remember posting in a delirious haze last Sunday was a backing-out post rather than a story.

Either way, I'm in this week with a I suppose.

(I have chosen my set but will keep it to myself for now, as (a) I am too lazy to hunt down the link at the moment and (b) it increases the chances of a hilariously inappropriate flash rule).

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Search and Rescue
734 Words
Flash Rule: Story includes an enchanted leather sofa.
The Set: http://lego.wikia.com/wiki/6970_Beta-1_Command_Base

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:30

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Consent
24 words

"She's made her wishes clear, but we need your authorization," the doctor said.

I signed the forms. She's resting peacefully. It won't be long.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





IN A WORLD WHERE PEOPLE WRITE WELL
ONE MAN CHOSE A DIFFERENT PATH.

"Rules are meant to be broken! I get results, dammit!" DocBeard spat angrily, before blowing up a building full of critics who were also nuns. Also angrily. "IN", belched the flaming wreckage. Angrily. Oh so angrily.

COMING SOON TO A THUNDERDOME THREAD NEAR YOU

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Mercedes posted:

LIMITED TIME ONLY

Flashcedes Rulestm!!!!

Cool! Wow!

I have two to give out, first come, first serve! Get your Flashcedes Rulestm now!

Exclamation points!!

Hit me.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





But we have official approval to use "says adjectively" for the low low price of -25 words off our word count.

That's what that flash rule means, right? RIGHT? Right.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





He Won
786 Words
Flash Rule: There is a doctor and there is a beard. Neither title nor face-bush belongs to a man.

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:31

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





In.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





I'd like a flash rule.

E: Oh hey, look at that. I'll have

Mercedes posted:

Flashedes Rule #1 - Lazarus is a dick

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Spirits Cannot Harm The Living
1000 Words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:26

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





I'm in.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Triangulation
1199 Words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:27

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





There And Back Again
101 Words


“We shall miss you, Princess Gertrude,” her subjects and companions said, gathering around her as she stood before the mysterious door in the Dark Wood.

“And I shall miss you,” Gertrude said, setting aside crown and scepter and sword, and pulling on her now-dusty backpack. “Until I can return,” she added, to assorted cheers.

She stepped through the door, and back into her room. The closet door slammed shut.

“Gertrude, have you finished cleaning your room?” her mother called out.

She opened the closet door, stepped back inside, and pulled it shut. It had worked once, maybe it would work again.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Crit me, Schneider

A Tin Of Beans posted:

The Last Letter
1,197 words

My detailed thoughts on this are here.

In general, as I mentioned above, I was confused as to why this got put on this week's poo poo list for about the first half of the story. The second half just went off the rails, and while I have read (and probably written) substantially worse in my time, your largely strong first half made the culmination of it all more disappointing than it might otherwise have been. I think my biggest objection is that everything after the reveal of Anil and Enil just feels lazy and rushed.

Also, while I'm aware that the prompt this week asked us to avoid going into the how of the communication, I'd have loved to see more of the why. Why did Enil (or possibly Anil) start writing to her? Why her in particular (especially if he didn't know what she looked like or even what species she was)? How did that connection get made?

I really liked the way you established the character of Mads, though, and I wish you'd carried that level of characterization through to the end.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





In!

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





The Saddest Rhino posted:

Critiques for Week LXXXIV: MOST OF YOU CAN'T TELL GHOST STORIES

Thank you for your critiques, and for exposing yourself to near-lethal levels of Thunderdomium, you brave, doomed soul.

Some Guy TT posted:

Crits and crits and crits

Thank you for yours, as well.

docbeard fucked around with this message at Mar 26, 2014 around 19:29

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Trading Songs
1100 Words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:28

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





My Story That I Have Written
Some specific number of words.

"Ha ha," the hilarious internet poster joculated, "I have not actually written a story. I have, as they say, made you look. Are you not truly the April fools, O gullible readers?"

But then he realized that in the act of posting a hilarious non-story, he had inadvertently written a story after all. O the horror! O the shame! His grand April Fools Day labors, undone!

Also, it was only March 31.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





For reasons of international intrigue and also I can't be bothered, I will not be partaking of this week's challenge. I am instead choosing to do line-by-line critiques of a couple of this past round of stories about and by the miscellaneously talented.

In accordance with my being a huge copycat tradition, to earn my pointless meanderings about your story, you must:

Do a line-by-line crit of someone else's story from this past round.

and

Put "Crit me, Beard" somewhere toward the top of your post announcing the same.

Limited time offer, void where prohibited, etc.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Critique for Starter Wiggin.

Got a couple more in me if people want.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





The Sean posted:

Please honor your offer and crit me, Beard!

Return, and we return. Keep faith and so will we.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





sebmojo posted:

Pipe up if I haven't done you and you want a crit on your story from last week.

Hit me.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





FOOLS! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL WITH MY WISDOM!

Wait how does this work again?

(In)

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Toward that end, I am once again willing to do a couple of line-by-line critiques this week. The usual arrangement (crit someone else, ask me in bold easily seen letters to crit your thing) applies. I may also, depending on personal whims and the mandate of prophecy, choose some stories at random or not-random to critique.

Also I would like a flash rule for my foolish wise story thing.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





The Test
799 Words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:33

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





In

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Inconsistencies
1,049 words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:36

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.


(In)

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Hit me with a flash rule, for I must suffer for my art. No, wait. Others. Others must suffer for my art.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Archival
767 Words

docbeard fucked around with this message at Dec 25, 2014 around 15:39

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docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





In

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