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Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

The Saddest Rhino posted:

I would strongly suggest a competitor be thrown into the picture:



The fact that Archie still existed when the macarena came into being has shattered my entire worldview. I thought Archie comics died in the 50s.

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Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

sentientcarbon posted:

Thunderdome LXXV: He's Not Quite Dead

I've been waiting for a good prompt to do my first 'Dome. I'll take this one. In

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about
Undying and Unemployed
745 words


"You don't understand, boss. I need this job. This is all I've got." I pleaded with him, but I could see in his eyes that it was a lost cause.

"Look, I'm sorry kid. You're a good worker, you've always been there for us. But we've got to downsize with the economy the way it is, and well... You're expendable. I hate to do it, but I've got to make the call." That was it. The final nail in the coffin. Though I guess that phrase is useless now, too. My head hung low, and I felt his bony hand pat my shoulder.

At least I wasn't escorted out by security. But what damage could I have done, anyway? It's not like I could go postal and kill them all.

Jesus, how am I going to explain this to the missus? Or the kids? This is just great, the only thing I'm qualified to do, and I get fired. It all started down there in Atlanta. Hey, it's all well and good to eliminate diseases. I'm fine with never getting sick again, and people still die of natural causes or accidents. Good job, CDC. But then of course the NIH had to get involved. "Hey guys, we've finished mapping the human genome, and we found the code that controls cell replication! We can bring people back from the dead!" Well that's just great. Here I am, relying on people to die just to earn a living, and now you've destroyed the concept of death.

Assholes.

All of this ran through my head on the drive home. I don't even remember getting here, which would have worried me a little if a car accident was something that could kill me. I pulled into the driveway, and... Oh, no. gently caress, it is Wednesday, isn't it? That's the last thing I need right now, my parents coming over for dinner. Well, time to face the music, I guess. The key turning in the lock sounded like a gun cocking next to my head. I almost wished for one, but I suppose it would be worthless since I can't even off myself anymore.

"You're home early. How was work?" Where to begin?

"Oh, you know." Convincing. Get it together, D.

"Dinner's almost ready, your mom is helping me out and your dad is watching the game in the other room." She gave me a kiss and went back to the kitchen to finish up the roast. At least cows can still die. They're the lucky ones.

Dad, of course, was sitting in my chair. If I've told him once, I've told him a thousand times, but he refuses to listen. I took the couch instead, and hoped he wouldn't talk. Everyone else got their prayers answered. Mine, not so much.

"So, how's this news affecting your industry? Gotta be tough on the death business."

The Death Business. His favorite jab at me. "I really wish you wouldn't call it that, dad."

"Why not? You put people in the ground."

"I'm not even going to have this argument with you. Not today."

"Fine." A pause, as he flipped through the channels. "So how was work, anyway? Are they going to cut down your department?"

"I GOT FIRED, DAD! ALRIGHT? THEY DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE, SO THEY FIRED ME!" I don't know why I exploded on him like that. It wasn't his fault.

"What?! You got fired?" That was mom, screeching from the dining room. Dad was too stunned to talk. He didn't even bother picking his jaw up off the floor. I think he would've had a heart attack, if it was possible.

"Yeah, ma, I got fired. They don't really need me anymore, do they? Now that no one can die, it doesn't really make sense to keep paying me."

She barreled in from the dining room, and my wife followed. With the kids in tow, of course. "Well, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, maybe I can find some work harvesting wheat! I've already got the drat scythe!" With that I headed right back out the door. I don't need that poo poo. I could hear my wife calling me.

"Grim! Grim come back, honey!"

I got in my car, and I'm still just driving. I'm not even sure where I'm going to go, but wherever I end up, at least I won't be a burden on my family. Anyone want to hire a Reaper?

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

The Saddest Rhino posted:

:siren: MORE FLASH RULES :siren:

If your story is gonna be "punchline (s)he's the grim reaper totes lol" you better not make it suck.

:downs:

I smell a new avatar in my future.

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

magnificent7 posted:

I'm like Carlito. I keep trying to get out, but you keep pulling me back in.

That was Michael Corleone.

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

Mercedes posted:

I WILL ALSO OFFICIATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING BRAWL

Your prompt, you idiot newbies. :siren: The Amish Mafia :siren:

You have 500 words and one week. Make it happen you lovely humans.

Um, okay I guess.

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

I'm half tempted to immediately drop out in sympathy for the poor judges. The dome's gotten crazy full these last few weeks.

I'm totally tempted, and will give in to my temptations.

Didn't even get a critique for what I posted last week, and now I'm being forced into this dumb "brawl" thing because I had the audacity to post in a thread.

I just wanted to write a little thing here and there, the 'Dome clearly isn't for me.

Done

Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

There's a lot of entries. The judges have divvied them up but we're real people with real lives doing this for free: don't get pissy if your crit isn't in RIGHT NOW. Rhino and Carbon's crits aren't late: mine were just super early this week because Tuesday was a public holiday and I had some time to screw around.

The crit is only a minor complaint, and I understand what you're saying. It's more the high-pressure, sperg-out, DON'T POST IF YOU'RE NOT WRITING nonsense that I'm walking away from. And that stupid brawl that I was entered into against my will.

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Captain Trips
May 23, 2013
The sudden reminder that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about

Meinberg posted:

Well, since I'm pretty sure that poo poo posting is not allowed in the Dome, I'm going to go ahead and assume that you're asking for a brawl. In which, I will oblige you. Shall we say something related to the Mafia, due in by this time next week?

Or are you going to bitch out and make some poo poo posts like the lovely poster you are?

Mercedes posted:

I WILL ALSO OFFICIATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING BRAWL

Your prompt, you idiot newbies. :siren: The Amish Mafia :siren:

You have 500 words and one week. Make it happen you lovely humans.

Middle finger raised, then.

I guess I'll hang around and pick and choose the prompts I like, like I intended to do in the first place.

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