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TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

counterspin posted:

Ole murderface has no murderclaws in his profile.

At first I was going to be 'meh, you goons are so goony and spergy, can't you see that it's on the page and blah blah', then I kind of looked it over again. Not only isn't it in the profile, but nowhere in the description does it say anything about them. Sure the guy's dumb name and stupid version of ablative armor or whatever the old 'don't get shaken/stirred' wargear was are both named in a the same dumb way, but there really isn't even the thing like with Abaddon where it mentions in his story that he's got a sword.

Also there's no cost. So that either means you can equip that poo poo on anyone or no one. I can't decide.

It's like an optical illusion of some kind.

Chill la Chill posted:

I remember a unit or legendary character that once had terminator armor in the artwork and model but none on the actual rules. This caused a huge shitstorm because people couldn't read rules but insisted he had it. I recall the FAQ didn't even clarify so the only reasonable thing to conclude was that he wasn't supposed to have it.

Any idea what this was? I think it was around 2006-7.

This reminds me of my favorite rules nonsense story time GW thing. I used to play Tyranids in 2nd, but they were too expensive because they didn't have many plastics. So I switched to chaos, but I didn't use vehicles because, again, kid without a lot of money. Anyway, I started building an undivided army that got gradually very heavy in nurgle and tzeentch just by the coincidence of what models I could get deals on or bring in from other ranges (mutant chronicles zombie-death guard, and a bunch of weird girl-space marine models that I covered with neon slime like they were mutated (I also loved teenage mutant ninja turtles, so every game I played somebody got super powers from neon ooze)).

So anyway, 3rd edition came out and at the time, they incorporated troops for each chaos god, and because I had a lot of nurgle and tzeentch, I was kind of stoked that I had a really tough gun-line army. So I repainted a lot of my undivided guys as Thousand Sons.

1k sons had a rule that made them immune to strength 4 or lower shooting attacks (maybe all attacks, I forget). The explanation was 'these are empty suits of armor, with dust in one of the boots--you have to blow them apart to destroy them'.

Meanwhile, sniper rifles in this era had a very specific mechanic. The result of the rule was that every shot had a 50% chance to wound if it hit. However, the *reason* that was true was because the strength of a sniper shot was always the same as the toughness of the target. This was only ever mentioned in one place in the rulebook, and everywhere else, snipers were just footnoted as wounding on 4+. or 3+ whatever. I forget. You get the point.

The fluff for the sniper rifle at the time was that it first shot a laser that made a hole in armor or whatever, and then fired a dart of frozen super-toxin into the hole it made. Using science. So at a fluff level, it's pretty clear what *Should* happen. The empty suit of armor should be no more impressed by that than bolter fire.

As it happened, if you did the full logical progression, it worked out. Sniper gets S = to T of target, and the T of 1k sons was 4. 1k sons are immune to S4 and less shooting attacks. But, man, I had a hell of a time convincing eldar, SM, guard, and whoever else I played against that this was the case on the table.

I finally had to memorize the WD back issue it was FAQed in just so I can be like 'see? You don't even have to listen to my reasonably argued position--the company shill rag says I'm right'.

What was really fun about it was that we'd argue about that round of shooting and whether it took place or not, then they'd switch over to my death guard, kill a bunch of them, and finish tabling me something like turn 3, because I had to march across the table.

Eventually, as befits a petulant young man, I just deep struck with a terminator retinue near their poo poo, then took about half my army in 'demons' which I modeled as unbased and unpainted millisaurs and ripperjacks. When they were 'summoned' into a close combat, I just sprinkled them gently over my foe's models like pewter croutons.

I got a lot of weird looks, but I was just like 'hey man, it's just 40k, relax.'

Years later I see now how wrong and angry that young man was.

TheCosmicMuffet fucked around with this message at 18:27 on Jul 30, 2014

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TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Radish posted:

I like explaining 2nd editions combat to people that got in after 3rd. Explaining you had to roll dice equal to your attack, pick the best one, force parry re-rolls, add to your weapon skill, subtract fumbles, split the difference between the attacker and defended, apply that many potential wounds as dice rolls, then figure out the armor save modifier before rolling saves and their eyes gloss over. Then you tell them that you did that for every model in the fight.
Best part, swords were the only thing that could parry. Except for khorne berserkers, who's chainaxes could parry, such is the skill with which they are wielded.

Maybe lightning claws were the one other exception?

Large scything talon shaped thing on a giant monster? Doesn't count. So if you ever wonder *why* there is a tyranid 'bonesword' instead of just cutting out the loving middleman and having the thing grow its own giant claw shaped weapon--that's why.

2nd edition parrying.

Best part; Hive tyrants with 4 boneswords. Suggestible youthes such as myself were not aware that you could do that, because the only HT model at the time had a lash whip, bonesword, and either a venom cannon or barbed strangler.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Radish posted:

Yeah I think lightning claws could parry which they could also do in Space Hulk.

2nd edition was such a mess but also the best.

IMO, still not as good as Rogue Trader chaos rules, where a single model could be a 1000 pt army on its own.

Also Zoats.

They started out strong! When did they first go awry? Was it the declaration of no more Squats, or the development of Necrons into a real army that was the 'Ultimate evil'?

Trick question, it was when the Orks stopped smiling :smith:

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
:D Welcome on this beautiful summer's day once more to the SA forums; Even in death, we still post. It's truly an exciting day, bobby.

:v: It sure is Tom! We're witnessing a new era for this sport, and frankly, the world as we know it.

:D I am in awe of these competitors, bobby, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Our regular viewers will recognize that there's something a little different about our telecast today.

:v: That's for sure, Tom. We're here for a very special exhibition match between rivals who've traditionally played in completely separate leagues. They're meeting here today under the new Death Pool thread, which promises to be a really exciting venue for, well, just the sort of action we haven't been able see in intrathread play, lately. The SA Forums: truly the cutting edge of sperg. Fear the wrath of the sperger.

:D Bobby, I'm very excited about this matchup. A little background here: some of these contenders were in the same league at one time, weren't they?

:v: Indeed Tom. This is an allstars match, and coming to this thread are such 40k thread alumnus as Fix and SJ. They are noted posters combining flexibility, succinctness, enthusiasm, and content in, well, just an unbeatable all around combination. We're lucky to have them here.

:D Absolutely. Fear the wrath Bobby.

:v: Fear the wrath Tom.

:D There's no question that would be a lot of talent on its own. But this is why I'm really excited. Today, we have Tekopo and Broken Loose!

:v: Tom, you can't see me now, but I am throwing my hands up in the air. These. Are. Juggernauts.

:D A little history here for the viewers Bobby, Broken Loose swore off the shitfest of GW products, never to repent, and Tekopo, it's safe to say, has written blog posts about board game mechanics...

:v: ...and when Broken Loose, broke loose, so to speak...

:D To be fair, the 40k thread couldn't contain him, Bobby.

:v: Oh absolutely, Tom. This contender is too big for one TG thread. Indeed, for one gaming subforum. In any case, when he broke loose from the 40k thread, it wasn't just a career jump-starting move. To the goons in the 40k thread, there was a real rift that formed. After all, contentious at times though his drafting in the 40k thread league was, Broken Loose became a big part of that town.

:D No question. In a way, when he left there was more controversy than when he stayed. Love him or hate him, I think it was safe to say that Fix and SJ respected him as a poster, and it hurts to watch people move on in this league.

:v: Feelings are complicated Tom, as anyone with asperger's can attest.

:D But we're here now, and these gentlemen have come to play. I don't know if I can do a play by play or if I just have to skip ahead...

:v: I know what you mean. I think you should just let it out.

:D Bobby, these gentlemen took a ballsy first move to criticize excessive randomness in GW design philosophy, and converted it to an existential crisis about the nature of joy.

:v: It. Is. Amazing.

:D Posting like this is what you pray for in FYAD, but never comes, and what you imagine should happen in every TG--or no, you know what? I'm just going to say it. Every games thread.

:v: Fear the wrath of the sperger, Tom!

:D I'm in awe. The way this developed; who could have predicted it? The question was, is it ever alright to roll before you roll, and before SJ could say 'slow your roll', we were catapulted into a discussion about if Necromunda was nothing but randomness, is that ok; then, whether any rule with a roll is a bad rule, and that's when...

:v: That's when league play took a quantum leap.

:D I just. I just don't know.

:v: Tom, ask yourself the question. What does the word 'fun' mean? Does it mean anything?

:D Bobby, I swear, I thought I had fun once, but now I'm not sure. If it doesn't help for me to tell anyone else, in what sense am I sure it happened?

:v: Here's why I'm rock hard right now.

:D Lay it on me. what? ew. Put that away. I mean... make your point... talk about the thing

:v: oh sorry, I thought you meant... I'm rock hard right now because Broken Loose, with Tekopo's staccato of succinct interleaving of counterpoints, has turned the discussion into a living representation of what is wrong with GW's rules.

:D Now it's my turn to throw my hands in the air, Bobby. This is incredible. In a GW game, you're likely to have to roll to see how much you roll, and then your opponent will roll some more. On any given Sunday, the odds are pretty good: it's rolls.

:v: Rolls aplenty.

:D And you have to ask, what was the result? Is there a way to bring that all together? Even if the randomness is key, are all those rolls necessary, or could it be streamlined.

:v: When, BAM. It hits you. Why does anybody talk about fun? I mean, objectivity, subjectivity, those are clutch plays. You can lay down that smoke screen any time you want. But Broken Loose is laying it out like a monster who's immune to fear.

:D How do you talk about anything. Ever. You have to use words. But wouldn't it be *better* to use as few words as possible?

:v: Tom, it's incredible. By taking on the structure of a GW rule--arguing about how to argue, he's making an incredibly vivid assault on the idea that GW's rolling to roll to roll model is the same thing as randomness writ large. He's demonstrating it. Arguing how to argue is not the same as discussions, in general.

:D But not to be outdone, Bobby, Fix took the only approach he could here, and he's dividing his force. On the one hand, he's going after fun, because let's face it, if you don't like fun, you lose--and meanwhile he's analogizing through deft maneuvers, the idea that 'all you get out of a discussion' is what really counts in the end.

:v: He's saying it's all about models removed. Minds changed. Stars blinking out of existence. Fix is bringing the very bleakness of a universe in which there is only war to a thread about the demise of the company that spawned the concept in order to defend the game designs of that company going down in flames!

:D Bobby, he's literally the black101 emoticon right now. At the keyboard. He's typing with his axe.

:v: Tom, I just don't know how this second half is going to turn out. But, as a fan, I'd say we all win.

:D Indeed, Bobby. Indeed.

TheCosmicMuffet fucked around with this message at 02:30 on Jul 31, 2014

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Broken Loose posted:

You guys are spergs! You're sperging out! *writes 10,000 word fanfiction about other posters*

Text can be hard to interpret sometimes. So let me be perfectly clear.

I know we are all spergs, and I care way too much about it because I really enjoy it.

And also I really like you and if you want we can trade desserts during lunch.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Chill la Chill posted:

Farsight battles alongside his world's giant manta and with the help of pop star Minmei Shadowsun they teach the evil humans in their giant dreadnoughts the power of love. $100mil in opening day, hire me GW.

Warhammer 40k playset for Disney Infinity, Magnus the Red and his wise-cracking familiar as playable character included in the box. Collect all the other characters including Preheresy Fulgrim (handsome prince), Saint Celestine (princess), Gazgul Thraka (likeable oaf), and Azdurabel Vect (mustache twirling schemer).

Finecast toys. Wargear power disks.

Davey Jones weilding Drachnyen, fighting Saint Celestine with a flamingo mallet. Trying to score points by knocking a turtle into a swimming pool.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

petrol blue posted:

In the depths of the Necromunda Hive, four mutie juves are trained in the Striking Scorpion path by an exiled elder, and fight back against the gangers!


Nono! An exiled eldar trains a beastman that he adopts from the underhive when he finds him wandering in the sub-sub-sub-sub-sewer. Then a dark eldar who had known him in his ancient past before the fall coincidentally uses the webway portal that the exiled eldar used to get there in the first place in order to set up a slave harvesting operation. They meet and duel, and in the fight, the exiled eldar is killed. The beastman goes on to train the mutie juves. Then, later, they kill the dark eldar leader by knocking him off a scaffolding into a garbage compactor.

I mean. Whatever. I don't care about the very precise set of steps in the canon of that origin story...

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Chill la Chill posted:

those awful BDSM nuns.

Hey now. That is powerarmor, ok. Have you seen the infinity/malifaux/warmahordes stuff? I'll grant you the murder cultists ladies are hosed up, but the Sisters of Battle are awesome. Even their boob armor is tasteful! No pointless exposed midriffs. Some of them even have helmets. And the helmets don't have hair portals!

I won't have it sir! GW is in touch with the modern feminist movement.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

petrol blue posted:

e: Is it cannon that all the Sororitas have the same head, or just lazy modelling?

It's canon that they have a subscription to the same fashion magazines and they all go to the same Admech styliacanist.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

petrol blue posted:

"And then the entire company showed up with the same hairdo! I mean, when I stepped out of the drop pod, I could have just died, y'know? Last time I'm ever going to a campaign in the Skulltormentum system!"

"Sister Celestine, I've noticed that you prefer your hair close cropped, rather than shoulder length, with a perm, and bangs. Also you haven't bleached your hair white."
"Uh... yes Sister Klamydion, I just thought, well, it's more time on the firing range where I can practice setting things on fire in the name of the Emperor..."
"Oh of course dear. Of course. Please put on this helmet."

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
I think he's saying they're the same DNA, but born this way.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
PANEL 1:

[Setting: Artists area somewhere in GW]
Writer 1: I'm having trouble understanding the idea behind Tzeentch. Is he like. A guy? Or...
Writer 2: He's the one with the birds, right? He likes birds?

PANEL 2:
[JOHN MOTHER loving BLANCHE APPEARS WITH A CLAP OF THUNDER]
John Blanch M.F.: The Changer of ways is a deceiver. Always he weaves plans within plans. His greatest weakness is that within the degenerate spiral of his myriad lies, even he does not know what is truth.

PANEL 3:
[Setting: Office, guy is writing something at a big desk]
Guy in Suit (thought bubble): Our crops will wither, our children will die piteous
deaths and the sun will be swept from the sky. But is it true?

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
I don't believe you. Please provide a side-by-side unboxing video.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
There was a post a long time ago in the 40k thread that was along the lines of 'if I see some guy with his stuff just piled in a tupperware container or shoebox, I won't even play him--it shows a lack of [something]' I forget what it showed a lack of.

Anyway, it just goes to show the state of mind of some GW customers.

I offer it to enrich the current discussion.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Sydney Bottocks posted:

Yeah, I mean I have no idea if Macroaxis (the site that had the "71% bankruptcy chance" thing) is credible or full of poo poo or what.

Economics tip number one in a series of 2: All predictions in economics are lies.
tip 2 is don't believe any tips you hear about economics.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
And if anything should be overpowered, it should be these things:
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Vampire-Counts-Mortis-Engine
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Vampire-Counts-Coven-Throne
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Vampire-Lord-on-Zombie-Dragon
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Ghoul-King-on-Terrorgheist
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Vampire-Counts-Corpse-Cart
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Vampire-Counts-Tomb-Banshee
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Vampire-Counts-Cairn-Wraith
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Winged-Vampire-Lord

Fantasy is where they come closest to their delusions of grandeur in terms of performing. Those loving throne things are *incredible*. Tomb kings is almost as amazing. It's not just the tick-the-box bullshit of yesteryear where, yeah, there's a guy in armor, and the amount of spikes, wings, skulls, and plumes tell you whether its an elf, vampire, human, or chaos champion. Have you seen their mummified nagas?

http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/Tomb-Kings-Necropolis-Knights

55 bucks for 3 of those guys? That seems kind of ok to me. Like really ok. Like I'm almost on the edge of thinking it's some kind of deal. Though they're probably smaller than I assume. There's this giant sphinx monster thing... it has like a choice of heads.

Some elements of their range are *crazily* ahead of others.

Like look at this poo poo:
http://www.games-workshop.com/en-US/High-Elf-Prince-Imrik-Dragonlord

That rear end in a top hat has been on the *Same* floppy dragon with its paws askew like a toddler since I was 11 years old. Some time in the late cretaceous period. Sure the rider was rescuplted, but that isn't anything but a dumb man in armor with 80s hair. Who cares. It's nothing compared to that unbelievable vampire and tomb king stuff. Some people like ogres, but as far as I think, it's a way to sell a fat pile of poo poo instead of 4 separate soldiers--which is easier to mass produce. I know some people love those things, but I think they're ugly unnuanced, and honestly, a little weird. Cannibal mongol obese guys. I don't know.

I've lost track of my point.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

dichloroisocyanuric posted:

do people actually buy that poo poo? does anyone know anyone that owns one of those $1000 sets. I mean, yeah, sure, I've met plenty of people that have spent over $1000 on this game, but who the hell buys 7 murderbots and 7 droppods all at once? what the hell are they doing with them?

A long time ago we (edit: the 40k thread) got a really loving creepy story from somebody's LGS about a guy who thought he could make a living as a painter, and kept coming into the store to sell his painted minis. One day he was there with his daughter and wife and was checking to see if something sold, and the daughter asked 'does this mean we can have juice?'

I'm not saying GW is bankrupting fathers and preventing children from having enough food to eat. What I am saying is that the SA goons love to judge someone in trouble.

Anyway, my point is, if I owned an original all-lead thunderhawk, i'd wear it as a hat. Where's your gw pride?!

Roll to see if you charge that next purchase across the rough terrain of good sense.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
Not true! It saves half the height of a wheel, and still has a broader footprint. It's more mechanically complicated and prone to breaking, but by gum, it's still better than your caveman wheels. Those treads are a premium experience. Like mud covered jewels.

Somehow in my mind, the taurox is an attempt to compete with this:
http://privateerpress.com/warmachine/gallery/khador/battle-engines/gun-carriage

When what they should have been competing with was this:
http://privateerpress.com/warmachine/gallery/the-protectorate-of-menoth/battle-engines/vessel-of-judgment

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
I'm pretty sure it's because this guy finished his army.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsaLHgnSyBI

That's going to be a big hit right there.

I wonder if he'll move on to Xwing next and buy 4 tantive IVs.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Sydney Bottocks posted:

serious gaylord posted:

you're ignoring this user
OK, thanks! It's always nice to see someone obliquely admit that they have no rational arguments and that you can safely dismiss whatever they say from here on in. Much appreciated. :tipshat:

Someday SA will code the quote blocks to respect the ignore function, and then I'll have peace.

Back on the subject of Warhorder 40k and his traitor legion that serves chaos: unbased, the part that *Really* gets me, aside from the menagerie of blue table painting, some dude he knows, and colorblind khorne berserkers, are the display-based Fulgrim and Angron which he basically says he hasn't had a chance to play with.

I mean, it's loving weird. Not just because they're these pieces obviously designed for winning a trophy that are now languishing behind redundant, mostly un-converted seat filler models that total 38k points, which given that they're for the 30k setting seems perverse to me, somehow. But at least *as* annoying to me is that these are the primarchs. Not the demon princes that they're supposed to become. They don't even belong there! Until that guy has 25k of traitor marines in the world eaters white and blue, and the emperor's children purple, gold, and white, it's kind of bullshit. I mean, hording is one thing, but ...

It seems fundamentally unjust.

Meh. Guess I'm just sperging a little. But I really like the 30k setting. I thought they had a good idea with that. Because if they figured it out, they could bring back squats, and explore new eras. And they could do like MTG where they kept up their retarded 'new release' schedule, but they'd be cycling through different imperial eras, and it'd be kind of cool. You know? Like 36k! Tons of SoBs. No tyranids, necrons, or Tau. Squats still exist. Exodites are walking the dinosaur.

I mean. They *are* interchangeable with Magic, Clue, or even Nintendo Game-N-Watch. So there's nothing to stop them marketing the product that way.

TheCosmicMuffet fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Aug 13, 2014

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

drgnvale posted:

The Lynnwood, WA GW certainly plays games; they are running the sanctus reach campaign and regularly post to the facebook wall when people are looking for games. They also posted pictures of an ork optimus prime this week, so they are pretty ok in my book. I should start buying my GW direct poo poo from there rather than the website.

They certainly post some stuff.

https://www.facebook.com/GWFreewayV/photos/pb.118194274928077.-2207520000.1407991064./694846127262886/?type=3&theater

I don't really even know what to make of it. I guess it's funny.

I've decided: it's funny.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

HiveCommander posted:

God forbid if you're guilty of the heinous crime of using aftermarket belt feeds for your Grey Knights because you prefer their look (based on the previous metal sculpts) to the magazines on the new plastics.

I'm pretty sure you just hypothetically sculpted that with greenstuff.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

WAR FOOT posted:

Maybe this should be the Infinity/Warmahordes Death Pool, as they demand you use exclusively their models at their events.

Oh poo poo!

No shirt, no shoes, no service motherfuckers! War foot laying it out.

Company-exclusive mini conventions; The New Jim Crow.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

HiveCommander posted:

Hang on, GW don't know that the internet exists outside of their 4 million pound website (that still can't auto-detect that I live in :australia:).

Australian IP addresses, are all values of n^1.38 of normal IP addresses, and are impossible to track. Or send packets to.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
Ok. It's archeologist time.

In order to properly date this artifact, we must use clues from it.

This is clearly from the post-wood elf era. Now, based on the fact that a boxed set with chaos lord and retinue is offered, I think we're looking at something that's possibly in 3rd edition 40k, though it may be from the early 4th edition dynasty.

Do we know for sure that skaven rat ogres are being purchased as a single box set here, or are they being purchased as single-figure boxes?

In addition, the paint names clearly mark this as before the great paint renaming of the upper branding period. I would guess that the rules for these berserkers were developed by Andy Chambers, though it could be Jervis Johnson, based on the window displays--which, despite being satirical, imply dioramas and a large primary color corporate logo, as opposed to the later twin system logos emblazoned on eagle emblems.

I would be very curious to get a closer look at some of the accessories behind the counter. I believe if we see a pin-vise, we could decisively date this work.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

SirPhoebos posted:

You know, it's too bad GW is too cheap to let Karen Traviss write for the Black Library. Her brand of insanity applied to an IP like Warhammer would generate glorious nerd-rage :allears:

Gay. Space. Marines.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

JerryLee posted:

Exactly, why hire someone to write fluff that the deluded part of your audience will never accept, and the perspicacious part already knows is true.

Scientific revolutions are made of the grist from milling difficult ideas against the stone of social mores.

And when they succeed, the enemy is forced to make a leadership check or retreat 2d6 inches. 3d6 if they have expeditious retreat. 3d6 take the highest and subtract it from the lowest if they have 'Stearn'. 4d6 take the mean average and compare it to the mode to produce a value which then results in a series of 6 sided die rolls; if you roll a 6, stop rolling, but otherwise keep a rolling total and then determine, based on the equation y=x^x + x4+ 2 how many dice to roll, where x is the value rolled on a 6 sided die. Then take the value y, and roll under it on leadership value of d6s, and, if the number of 'hits' against an enemy of T4 is greater than the total wounds remaining in the unit, hire Karen Traviss.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

BULBASAUR posted:

A good post

Here is the new silly tyranid model for your trouble

gently caress this for 2 reasons.

Reason 1: I'm pretty sure they just keep putting existing tyranid parts together at random and casting the result.

Reason 2: 3 Malanthropes for 240 bucks. Holy poo poo. On what planet does that make sense. But on the other hand they look so good. I wonder what els... [clicks on Horus Heresy area] OH god. Wow. WOW.

I hate how forgeworld *always* makes me second guess getting out of GW products.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

HiveCommander posted:

Can she pull the plug on Guilliman? As much as I dislike Russ for forcing Magnus to go full chaos, Guilliman is the only Primarch I legitimately hate so if she was to write that his stasis thingo malfunctioned and he promptly died I would be most pleased.

He wrote the master trilogy, didn't he? I can't remember what it was called but it was the one where some Imperial warlord coerces a rogue jedi master to work for them in exchange for getting Luke and Leia as apprentices or something.
Is Truce at Bakura well-received? I kinda liked that novel :ohdear:

I think it's called the Thrawn trilogy. It's about how a blue guy can destroy anybody as long as he can study their art. Also star destroyers with magic anti-hyperdrive rays.

Also lizard cat ninja race that worships darth vader.

And the guy you're thinking of is Master consonantconsonantvowelvowelvowelth. And he's a clone of a clone and haunted by dead jedi who were his friends but hate him now.

And also the emperor gets cloned.

And Luke meets a secret sort-of-dark-jedi slave of the former emperor who hates him, but then decides he's kind of sexy.

And there's a part with furry things that block the force. As an adaptation to avoid being eaten by things that use the force to track their prey.

But if you *really* want to be thrilled by the Zahn touch, read his series about japanese space geckos who have an immortality gland in their head which is also how they communicate instantly across stellar space and how radio waves destroy their souls resulting in a war against the humans who have VR goggle wearing fighter pilots who are addicted to being in space because of how great electromagnetic sensations taste through the filter of their metahuman cyberlink.

I'm not thrilled with his writing, honestly.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Literally The Worst posted:

This actually sounds pretty neat or at least batshit enough to be entertaining on that level.

Well I certainly read it all. More than once. But if I had good taste, I wouldn't be posting in a GW thread.

One thing I do like about his stuff is that it *is* incredibly dorky, but there's no sex for sex's sake. No action scenes for action sake. Minimal convenient Deus Ex machina.

However those things are also great at keeping my interest. He really captures the *essence* of how, if you're arguing with your family about religious differences, it's just really uncomfortable conversations punctuated by periods of doing totally unrelated stuff.

And his threads! Jesus. He's got all these threads. But it's more like one thread that is frayed in the middle, and then he's trying to repair it in front of you.

Though, I will say the conqueror trilogy has an Us/Them/Us And Them narrative perspective that's pretty fun through the 3 books.

Damnit! I said I'm not a fan. Stop trying to tease out the nuances of my opinion with your observations, jerk.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
On the other hand, just a *little* more perfect, and you get the Emperor's Children.

Who are the best legion in all of impedom. humanadome.

Fulgrim is here to exterminatus your boredom kids. It's radical

(fulgrim appears in an explosion of cartoon thunderbolts and neon squiggles, wearing shades--does a kick-flip off the Tv and presents the children with fruit-flavored gummy tape)

Slaanesh! Made with real heretics and combat drugs!

(kid stares directly into camer)
"AWESOME!"

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
Can we kickstart this emote?!

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
I think it reflects a deep seated belief in consensus by the forces of the Undead.

For years, because most vampire count, tomb king, and otherwise miscellaneous undead armies have been lead by singular extremely powerful necromancers of one kind or another, we've assumed that they have a strict top-down corporate (or in the case of ghost units, unincorporated independent contractors DBA ectoplasm) structure. But we're seeing that these guys *believe* in the concept of many voices. They aren't summoning chaff. They're crowd sourcing ancestral wisdom. The opinions of the interred are an undervalued resource in the workplace. These guys make use of that intellectual capital to grow their brand; and every defeated warrior is potentially another piece of useful feedback to improve their product.

It really turns the entire concept of Undead on its head, or skull. They're dynamic marketplace entities, working to overcome challenges by leveraging Agile.

What we're seeing is that a truly supreme tomb king doesn't order his serpent magi to charge--he grooms a backlog of battlefield user stories, and asks his units what they can commit to for their next turn. Vampires work with wights to determine priority, and run a scrum during each magic phase to determine if they need a Dans Macabre to accelerate their velocity.

I'm kind of surprised you guys are acting like it's 'silly' or 'over the top' somehow.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

S.J. posted:

Yeah, you get 12 terminators, a dead guy on a throne, the little robot dude, a Broodlord and like 20 something genestealers. That alone is worth more than 125$, even discounted.

Honestly, they're loving up, because if you break 13 terminators into single blisters, cast them in fine, and give them names, they're characters, and there's no loving *way* they're worth less than $180 before tax.

Then the stealers are 30 bux. The dead guy is only available by special order from forgeworld and costs $25. It's the corpse of Robot Guilliam. The guy who did the foot squish animation for Monty Python's Angels of Something Completely Different. As detailed in the upcoming WH40k 8th edition box set;

"Dinsdale"

Queue 'teaser video' where generic drums of war play while a slow pan over a glossy photo printed in White Dwarf fades in and out several times.

/loses his poo poo with excitement

Broken Loose posted:

It's some of the worst false advertising in modern society.

You are my favorite person on these forums. :glomp:

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
I'm pretty sure the term in Britain is Voulume Shoppe.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

S.J. posted:

plenty of instances of non-Orks being able to use Ork tech just fine

Commissar Yarrick. His banner sticker is literally a diagram of him killing the ork that original had his bionic claw.

There's only 3 possible explanations.

-It's a bionic claw and it works
-It's a claw and it doesn't work, he just has it like a primitive prosthetic to symbolize how badass he is. (note: his in game rules seem to contradict this)
-It's a bionic claw that was manufactured as a replica of the one the ork had because yarrick is a huge neckbeard who wanted an authentic usable ork accessory to go with the banner.

actually I thought of another one to go with our 'Imperials lie' thing:
- The claw is just a primitive human-made bionic claw, and Yarrick had the banner made to match it in order to make everyone think he got it off a dead ork.

More importantly than any of this, however, is how we feel about squigs.

I'm pro-squig.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
French fries dipped in ketchup go faster.

It's a psychic phenomenon.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Broken Loose posted:

my absolute favorite part of the picture is that it's only 2 photos, copy-pasted 3 times each, with the photoshop motion blur filter turned on

Their teaser videos are usually generic bullshit LOTR style music where they pan slowly across the photos that they're printing in White Dwarf or on packaging. Their marketing is so halfassed, I don't really understand how they ever get a logo or colors together.

TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine
All that the collectibility system means in a practical sense is that a company can charge X per unit and guarantee that return, because an aftermarket will stabilize around buying in bulk, and charging whales for certain valuable units, while the less valuable units either get sold off in bulk or at a discount. The aftermarket also forms a metagame.

In this way, GW is closer than PP, Malifaux, or Infinity to fitting that description. The latter 3 companies are still in a phase where you tend to buy direct, and they offer their stuff a la carte.

GW is the one where you buy 5 boxes of something to get the 2 guys in each box you actually care about and then try to sell the spares. The only problem is that all the quantities are known, so GW doesn't come off particularly as looking good when someone sees that they will have to buy X number of units to field Y number of units with the right equipment/models. In the end people work harder to get around GW than they do to buy bulk and winnow out the stuff they want. You also miss out on some features of the collectible market that can be really great.

MTG Land cards are free or a few cents a piece. Why? Everybody only needs a few of the things, and far far far more are printed than needed.

Can you imagine 25 cent battle brothers or IG troopers?

WotC also did this with Axis Allies packages (and DnD minis). You get a random assortment of stuff and you trade or buy and sell to try to get a few of the less common units. It's not just a way to be slightly entertained, it's a way to keep the relationship between the publisher and the customer healthy. In Pokemon and Magic, you get to choose how deep in the woods you want to go. With GW, they make it pretty clear that effective forces cost a lot. Players hoard rhinos or heavy weapon bits over time so that when the day finally comes that a new unit needs a transport or a guy needs a conversion to carry the weapon he should have been sculpted with (because the rules are so much more favorable to that weapon), you've got the piece on hand.

You could argue that converting isn't pervasive, but I'd say that people who play GW games treat converting similarly to how MTG/Pokemon players treat deck building. Pervasive or not, it's still a substantial part of the model and the experience of the players.

Plus White Dwarf's constant army converting porn is a strong message that 'net decking' is encouraged, at least in terms of the hobby side. In terms of the game side, as previously mentioned, they don't care.

Edit: WD also promotes the complete loving fantasy of the slow growth league or the pick-up game where you fight with 'whatever you have'. True, you do fight with 'whatever you have', but the list building element is so hoary and hosed up, that you're by far better served by trying to figure out an army and then buy it out, rather than buying a piece at a time and getting it to fit. The only reason it looks like it works is because the guys who write those columns don't give a poo poo about winning or losing, and in some cases, don't even seem to know how to play.

Meanwhile people all over continue to make it competitive because, hey, it is a rule set, and hey, yeah, you can win or lose. So one could construe that there's an element of competition involved.

TheCosmicMuffet fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Oct 1, 2014

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TheCosmicMuffet
Jun 21, 2009

by Shine

Gough Suppressant posted:

When I listen to podcasts that mention how expensive Forgeworld stuff is I am a bit amused, since living in Australia the Forgeworld prices are comparable to the prices of normal GW stuff that we get charged.

God, that's a weird perk. Forgeworld stuff is universally better.

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