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Mad Dragon
Feb 29, 2004




Until Hasbro issued that C&D to Fensler Films.

The good news is, they're back up!

http://www.fenslerfilm.com/PSAS.htm

On the subject of GI Joe comics: I remember having some gigantic GI Joe comic book that I think was a version of the first episode of the cartoon. My parents threw it away after my dog chewed the cover off, so I don't have it any more. Any idea what it was and where I can get another copy?

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stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


Psion posted:

Yeah, I was sort of looking to pick up the 80s GI Joe comics because of you and this thread but even I knew to avoid the entirety of the 90s.

I could never get into superhero comics or really goofy sci-fi stuff, so my comic collecting began to seriously drop off around 1990. Perhaps coincidentally, the first time I kissed a girl was in 1990.

"The Nam" kept me occasionally showing up to the comic book store (run by a guy who could have been the model for Comic Book Guy, just like everyone else's comic book store) until the Punisher showed up in it. Even 14 year old me knew that was stupid. I didn't buy another comic book for roughly a decade.

Thanks for doing these Nipponophile. They're bringing back my childhood.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


And now we've reached the release of series 2 of the G.I. Joe toy line. More vehicles! More characters! More action! Let's read Issue #11!



This issue begins in the middle of the action again.



Wild Bill lands behind the battle line and offloads a snowmobile and fresh reinforcements while taking on some wounded Joes. Hawk rotates the new guys into the firing line so Snake Eyes and Rock 'n Roll can grab a bite.



Hawk continues to fill in Snow Job (Arctic operations), Gung Ho (Marine), and Doc (medic): The remaining Cobra tanks fled when they saw the chopper approaching, leaving infantry behind to tie up the Joes. Hawk anticipates the infantry will pull out and rejoin their armor soon, while the Joes will be at a disadvantage following. Their snowmobile can't transport the whole squad.





Elsewhere...



Hours later, the Joes have trailed Cobra to a pumping station along the pipeline.





Further south, Cobra's mysterious field commander has arrived and taken charge of the main body of troops. The Joes assault the pumping station, but receive some bad news about Cobra's plans.



Suddenly, the Joes are floored by an explosion. A Cobra RPG team has doubled back and taken out the hijacked HISS tank. The Joes try, but fail to stop them from destroying the other HISS that was left at the station. They barely manage to get their snowmobile under cover.

Hawk radios back to field HQ to explain about the plague-contaminated oil, and Wild Bill is sent to head down to the next pumping station to shut down the flow.



Snake Eyes, Snow Job, and Doc take the snowmobile to chase down the Cobra agent with the antidote.



Breaker at field HQ radios Gen. Flagg to request further reinforcements and a quarantine around the pipeline. Cobra Commander, listening on an intercept, is overjoyed to hear this as it means enemy forces in the area will be scattered across 50 miles of pipeline.

The snowmobile team follows the Cobra tank tracks right through a nuclear power plant.







Reinforcement choppers arrive at pumping station #1, but the Cobras there have been holding out a man-portable SAM. The choppers don't stand a chance unless someone on the ground does something recklessly stupidheroic. Fortunately, they have a Marine with them.



50 miles further down the pipeline, Wild Bill lands at pumping station #2 and is greeted by a team of oil company technicians. They've received radio instructions to close off the pipeline and have already started on the process.



Back at station #1, the Joe reinforcements have landed, and the remaining Cobra troopers quickly surrender.



Awkward...



Airborne notices that the tracks go into the utility shed, but don't come out. Those aren't oilmen Wild Bill is talking to! Snow Job radios Zap in the chopper, who puts two and two together to deduce that the stolen plutonium must be in the "probe" getting sent down the pipeline. With security forces scattered to maintain quarantine, Cobra can pick it up down the line unopposed. Zap rushes inside the station to warn Wild Bill.





I'm pretty sure the Geneva Convention doesn't say any such thing, but anyway... Doc tackles the shadowy figure and briefly grapples with him in the darkness. When Doc is thrown clear, the other Joes open fire, but the mysteeerious field commander has already made for the exit.



Snake Eyes enters the shed where the last HISS tank is parked, but it's been sabotaged and immediately blows up.



Antidote in hand, the Joe fly ahead to pumping station #3, where a Cobra unit is retrieving the plutonium from their probe. Doc calmly explains to the Cobras that, after taking control of the pumping stations, the contaminated oil flow was reinstated, so all the troops here have been exposed to the plague. He further proposes a simple trade: the antidote for the plutonium.



I'll post a bit later with file cards for the new Joes.

bulletsponge13
Apr 28, 2010


stealie72 posted:

I could never get into superhero comics or really goofy sci-fi stuff, so my comic collecting began to seriously drop off around 1990. Perhaps coincidentally, the first time I kissed a girl was in 1990.

"The Nam" kept me occasionally showing up to the comic book store (run by a guy who could have been the model for Comic Book Guy, just like everyone else's comic book store) until the Punisher showed up in it. Even 14 year old me knew that was stupid. I didn't buy another comic book for roughly a decade.

Thanks for doing these Nipponophile. They're bringing back my childhood.

Punisher being in Nam was awesome and canon for the character.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Laff I remembered that bit about Gung Ho's sister. Snow Job is such an rear end in a top hat!

Also Gung-Ho all shirtless in the arctic or whatever, marines.

iyaayas01
Feb 19, 2010

Perry'd


priznat posted:

Laff I remembered that bit about Gung Ho's sister. Snow Job is such an rear end in a top hat!

Also Gung-Ho all shirtless in the arctic or whatever, marines.

Yut yut

So are we going to play the game of figuring out which GI Joe characters the various OSI/Sphinx/etc characters from Venture Bros are based off of?

I eats my spinach
Jan 16, 2005

'sup gordon

priznat posted:

Laff I remembered that bit about Gung Ho's sister. Snow Job is such an rear end in a top hat!

Also Gung-Ho all shirtless in the arctic or whatever, marines.

having never seen the cartoon the only voice I can imagine Gung Ho speaking in is the one he uses in that Fenslerfilm PSA where he's a flamboyant leather daddy dropping his kid off at the park

it's pretty rad

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


bulletsponge13 posted:

Punisher being in Nam was awesome and canon for the character.

Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor being in Nam was a little gratuitous though.

ShitheadDeluxe
May 14, 2007


Please tell me that Cap's trip to Nam was a hamfisted allegory of him having a schizophrenic episode in the jungle.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

If Gung-Ho's sister was 9 in'83, I bet she's pretty hot now. Tricia Helfer and Amy Adams were born in '74.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Shithead Deluxe posted:

Please tell me that Cap's trip to Nam was a hamfisted allegory of him having a schizophrenic episode in the jungle.

More like a hamfisted attempt to boost sales. A rookie got killed on patrol, and his sergeant found a bunch of comic books while cleaning out his footlocker. The rest of the issue is the sergeant's daydream about what the war would be like if superheroes were actually there, culminating with Cap, Thor, and Iron Man dragging Ho Chi Minh off to the World Court.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Professor Awesome posted:

having never seen the cartoon the only voice I can imagine Gung Ho speaking in is the one he uses in that Fenslerfilm PSA where he's a flamboyant leather daddy dropping his kid off at the park

it's pretty rad

Sandwiches!

I need to check Comixology and the other e-comics places to see if there are any deals on gi joe now, lovin this thread. Hard not to spoiler upcoming issues by talking about my favs, but I won't because Nipponophile is doing a bad rear end job.

Young Freud
Nov 25, 2006



Nipponophile posted:

More like a hamfisted attempt to boost sales. A rookie got killed on patrol, and his sergeant found a bunch of comic books while cleaning out his footlocker. The rest of the issue is the sergeant's daydream about what the war would be like if superheroes were actually there, culminating with Cap, Thor, and Iron Man dragging Ho Chi Minh off to the World Court.

Yeah, it's actually a bit sad.

I find the title wholly appropriate, because, I can think of plenty of times in the series when that comes up.

Oh, man, I can't wait until Nipponophile introduces Scarface.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Here's the file cards on the latest recruits:

---
HELICOPTER ASSAULT TROOPER
Code Name: Airborne
File Name: Talltree, Franklin E.
SN: RA030446233
Grade: E-5 (Sergeant)
Birthplace: Navaho Reservation, Arizona
Primary Specialty: Airborne Infantryman
Secondary Specialty: Helicopter Gunship Gunner

Airborne's parents are oil-rich Navahos who indulged their eldest son with sky-diving lessons. Talltree also studied law and passed the Arizona State Bar exams. Joined the army and opted for airborne training, commenting. "I'd rather jump out of airplanes than write legal briefs." Graduated top of class from Airborne School, Fort Benning. Qualified Expert: Hughes Helicopter Chain Gun, M-16, M-60 and M-1911A auto pistol.

"Airborne jokes around and gets loose, but he's serious too...dead serious. You look at him and sometimes he's looking right through you. Must be the Indian in him. The Navahos call it "the far-seeing look." Spooky!
---

I know plenty of lawyers that would rather be jumping out of airplanes and shooting things too.

---
MEDIC
Code Name: Doc
File Name: Greer, Carl W.
SN: RA367221097
Grade: 0-3 (Captain)
Birthplace: Concord, Mass.
Primary Specialty: Medical Doctor
Secondary Specialty: Chaplain's Assistant

Graduated from Harvard Medical School, completed residency at Johns Hopkins. Hoped for a guarantee of a G.I. Joe assignment upon establishment. Told flatly that the Army made no such deals. Doc enlisted anyway and achieved his goal through ordinary channels. Graduated Airborne School, Mountaineering School, and Desert Training Unit. An avowed pacifist, Doc believes that "the G.I. Joe team is the best we have. We send them into the worst situations imaginable because that's where we need them most. When the going gets rough, they need something more than a pill roller. I'm their man!"
---

Yes, that's right. Doc actually is a legitimate Chaplain's Assistant.

---
MARINE
Code Name: Gung-Ho
File Name: LaFitte, Ettienne R.
SN: MC56488390
Grade: E-7 (Sergeant)
Birthplace: Fer-de-Lance, La.
Primary Specialty: Recondo
Secondary Specialty: Jungle Warfare Training Instructor

Born into a large back-swamp Cajun clan. Gung-Ho moved to New Orleans and won a reputation as a bare-knuckle brawler and knife-fighter to be reckoned with. Joined the Marines at 18 and graduated top of class from boot camp at Parris Island. Attended: Airborne School, Recondo School, and Marine Ordnance School. Qualified Expert: All NATO infantry small arms and most Warsaw Pact infantry weapons, XM-76 Grenade Launcher.

ZAP says "All marines are crazy but Gung-Ho is the hairiest, scariest, craziest jarhead that ever scratched, kicked and bit his way out of that hole-in-the-swamp they call Parris Island!"
---

I actually know a guy named Etienne, but I have no idea where Fer-de-Lance is supposed to be.

---
ARCTIC TROOPER
Code Name: Snow Job
File Name: Moore, Harlan W.
SN: RA773658456
Grade: E-6 (Sergeant)
Birthplace: Rutland, Vermont
Primary Specialty: Arctic Ski Patrol
Secondary Specialty: Rifle Instructor

Snow Job was a major Olympic Biathlon contender. He enlisted initially for the special training and support privileges that the Army gives to Olympic champions. However, to the consternation of Army PR flacks, Snow Job volunteered and was accepted into the GI Joe team. Qualified Expert: all NATO long-range sniper rifles, XMLR-3A laser rifle. Submitted by Rock 'n Roll: "You think we call him Snow Job because he does his job on skis? Negative. He's a con artist, pure and simple, except when he picks up his rifle - sure as heck, something's gonna fall down!"
---

A "snow job" refers to misleading someone through fast talk or flattery. I don't know how common the term is elsewhere, but I've never heard it used here in the land where snow is near mythical.

---
HELICOPTER PILOT
Code Name: Wild Bill
File Name: Hardy, William S.
SN: RA056403211
Grade: CW-4 (Chief Warrant Officer)
Birthplace: Brady, Texas
Primary Specialty: Helicopter Pilot
Secondary Specialty: Fixed Wing Pilot, Armorer

Hardy served as combat infantryman and participated in LRRP (Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol) operations during Southeast Asian debacle. Reenlisted for Flight Warrant Officer School and has since remained in service. Specialized Training: CLASSIFIED. Qualified Expert: M1911A auto pistol (prefers single action .45 Colt revolvers), XM-16 attack rifle.

Amiable and slow talking. Fancies himself a country-western singer. Totally honest in personal dealings, but not beyond spinning a tall tale for the amusement of comrades.
---

I think Hama liked Wild Bill because he seems to get used as a pilot all the time. He and Airborne get paired up a lot early on.

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011



Grimey Drawer

Still reading this great thread, thank you~!

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


I'll blame the lack of recent updates on a poo poo week at my poo poo job. Anybody know of any job openings for a skilled computer janitor?

Meanwhile, let's read issue #12!



We start in the middle of the action again, as the Joe team is recklessly slinging lead around downtown San Fran in pursuit of some Cobra thugs.





The chase proceeds to smash up some cars and leads toward a small car stalled at an intersection.



Wait, did he say Pinto?



Yep, he said Pinto...

The comic predates the movie by over a year.

The Joes set off after the fleeing courier on foot, but they're held up by some passing bikers. By the time Scarlett rescues Breaker from the gang, the scar-faced courier has shot Clutch in the leg and made good his escape.



Nope, nothing suspicious or familiar about that name at all...

Back at the Pentagon, Gen. Flagg requests that Hawk assemble a team to investigate the address in Rio Lindo.



Snake Eyes and Gung-Ho remain on the edge of town for backup, while Stalker and Breaker walk right up to the front door.



Through his binoculars, Snake Eyes spots a face he's not likely to soon forget.



Dr. Venom invites the Joes inside as Snake Eyes rousts Gung-Ho from his siesta and rushes into town. On their way in, Gung-Ho bumps into the scar-faced courier, but Snake Eyes pulls him away. Rescuing their teammates takes priority.



Stalker and Breaker put up a fight with the weapons in their bags, but Cobra maneuvers to out-gun them.



With their reinforcements arriving just in time, the Joes force the surrender of Dr. Venom and the surviving Cobras. Everything seems well in hand until...



I AM COMPLETELY SURPRISED AND DID NOT AT ALL EXPECT THAT ESKIMO TO BE SHOWING UP HERE!

The Joes, now prisoners are tied up and lead to a boat upriver to Cobra's island bunker. Dr. Venom says that he'd like to hold Snake Eyes back for questioning, apparently Snake Eyes isn't the only one who can't forget what happened in Springfield.



The troopers set fire to the warehouse as the boat sets off.



Seems like Dr. Venom is as sick of ninja bullshit as I am.

Snake Eyes, still bound, manages to ignore the flames around him (and on him) long enough to kick open a door and dive into the river.

On the boat, Stalker notes the presence of hungry rats all over, which gives Gung-Ho an idea.



A mile downriver, a farmer taking his goods to market is scared out of his wits by a "river demon" suddenly appearing from the depths. It is of course Snake Eyes, who commandeers the canoe in pursuit of his comrades.



Dr. Venom, Kwinn, the Baroness, and the courier head inside the bunker to finalize their transaction, and three Cobra commandos are left outside to guard the prisoners. Snake Eyes takes care of one with an attack from below the surface as Gung-Ho snaps his weakened bonds and handles the other two.



He just looks so happy to be smashing people together.

Breaker jumps up onto the pier, but Snake Eyes shoves him back into the boat and cuts the mooring line. The message is clear: getting away with the stolen computer chips takes priority. Snake Eyes stays behind himself to mop up on the island.



Wait, virus? Nobody said anything about a virus!

Kwinn notices something is amiss and kicks open the door in time to spot the boat escaping. The Baroness and courier board the seaplane and set out to sink the Joes.



Man, someone should do a read-through of Sgt. Rock sometime. I'd be down for that.

The Joes attack is about as effective as expected. The Baroness demolishes their boat with a guided missile, and they barely manage to leap to safety in time. Kwinn and Dr. Venom have stayed behind to sort out Snake Eyes, but Dr. Venom has his own priorities.



As the three hash out their differences, the Baroness turns back towards the island bunker. She mentions to her courier that with the virus in hand, poor Dr. Venom is now "expendable"...



So, with Snake Eyes dead, there doesn't seem to be much reason to continue on further. I guess we'll cut the series short here. Hope you enjoyed reading!

Quickshanks
Oct 3, 2011

So damned good.

Wouldn't the bolt being forward indicate an empty Uzi.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Quickshanks posted:

Wouldn't the bolt being forward indicate an empty Uzi.

Yup.

Young Freud
Nov 25, 2006



Nipponophile posted:

Wait, did he say Pinto?



Yep, he said Pinto...

The comic predates the movie by over a year.

I'm not sure if you know this but the reason that joke appears here and in Top Secret coincidentally is because the Ford Pinto had a design flaw where rear end collisions would cause the fuel tank to rupture by the retaining bolts of the differential and catch fire. It was discovered after 1977, after something like 500-900 people died and the publicity forced Ford to initiate a recall to repair the fuel tank, which cost $11 in parts per unit. Even with the recall, the Pinto name had tainted so much that Ford abandoned the line in 1980 in favor for the Ford Escort design.

Incidentally, this also inspired the main character's job in "Fight Club". That whole thing about "A time B time C equals X" is almost verbatim from the Ford Pinto Memo uncovered by Mother Jones.

Edit: I didn't notice it before, but Stalker is sporting some proto-Miami Vice duds there.

Young Freud fucked around with this message at 06:47 on Feb 23, 2014

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

I fuckin' love Gung Ho pointing at the bomb coming in on the cover.

Mon dieu mes amis! While everyone else jumps the gently caress off the boat.

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



So wait. Cobra invented AIDS?

chairface
Oct 28, 2007

No matter what you believe, I don't believe in you.



Cyrano4747 posted:

So wait. Cobra invented AIDS?

Their poo poo has a cure.

5er
Jun 1, 2000





I fricken love how Gung Ho is like, 50% stud leather bear gay. When I was a kid, my friends and I would hum the theme from the Blue Oyster Bar whenever that figure was brought out on the playground.

Rosh
Mar 21, 2013

Nothing's Wrong,
Something's Right


Been forever since I've seen the cartoon so I don't remember any of the voices. In my head Gung Ho sounds just like Leatherhead from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles original cartoon.

Never read any of the comics so I'm really enjoying going through these now. Thanks for taking the time.

I've recognized a few of the covers/missions from the Impel GI Joe trading cards I got in the early 90s. Got a full set that's worth almost nothing since apparently everyone else still has them too.

Rosh fucked around with this message at 16:46 on Feb 23, 2014

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


I suppose it's about time for another issue. Let's Read issue #13!



We pick up right where the last issue left off with Gung-Ho, Breaker, and Stalker in the water and Dr. Venom, Kwinn, and Snake Eyes dead.



The Baroness makes a second pass to check for survivors, but the Joes are playing possum.



Hiding doesn't matter, because the plane's infrared sensors pick them out easily. When Baroness reports this to Cobra Commander via radio, he orders her to break off and return to Springfield immediately. The contents of the briefcase take priority.

The Joes in the river marvel that they weren't picked off, but they're not safe home yet.





Stalker wakes up hours later with Breaker in the remains of an abandoned Cobra research station. Gung-Ho, meanwhile, has gone downriver in search of a radio to contact headquarters.



At Cobra HQ, as the Baroness and Scar-face are congratulated on their successful mission, the Baroness confides to Cobra Commander that Scar-face seemed a little too eager to leave, as if he wanted the Joes to escape. Cobra Commander assures her that Scar-face was probably just concerned with his mission, but she continues to suspect that he may have other loyalties. (Meaningful glance at the mysterious guy in the corner with rockets on his wrists...)



Breaker isn't sure why they're putting so much effort into a defensive position, but a pretty good reason shows up on a trail above them.



Richter's mercenaries, now out of jobs due to the political upheaval in Sierra Gordo, plan to scour the abandoned base for anything they can sell on the black market.

A disguised figure attempts to place a radio call to the U.S., but the government flunky in charge orders his guards to take the filthy, pig-smelling peasant outside and shoot him. With an evil grin, he revises his orders, "On second thought, shoot him right here."



Minutes later at the Pit, Hawk has received Gung-Ho's call and put a rescue plan into action. Scarlett, Grunt, and Rock 'n Roll will be airdropped in to take and hold the nearest airfield for extraction. Doc and Torpedo are to be dropped near the river to examine the remains of the bunker and then to meet up with and extract the remaining Joes.

Gung-Ho hijacks a cab and heads back into the jungle.



Just then Cobra receives a radio report that Richter's mercs are closing in on the station. If they kill or drive off the Joes, the mission will be compromised. The mysterious fellow with the metal gloves seems to have things well in hand though.

Just then, Breaker discovers the thing he was meant to discover.



The Joe rescue team begins their HALO drop as Gung-Ho's cab comes to a halt. The road dead-ends in a construction site. Gung-Ho tells the cabbie to wait for him and keep the meter running while taking his keys to ensure that he will.

Richter is hesitant to hit the Cobra camp after seeing the trench and other prepared defenses. As he contemplates waiting until nightfall, his men spot parachutes in the air. Rather than risk being flanked, he decides to attack now, but...



The parachutes Richter spotted were Doc and Torpedo. Torpedo slips into the river to make an interesting discovery.



Before he can investigate further, he is signaled to the surface by Doc, who has been keeping an eye on the mercenaries. It seems like the new group on the scene is up to no good.



Man, those fish are noisy.

The airfield team begins their assault on the control tower.



They make it back to Gung-Ho's cab and head for the airfield, as bad things happen to bad people:



As the transport circles around, there's an impromptu Joe reunion aboard the cab.



Your tax dollars at work.

With armored cars in hot pursuit, there's no time for a leisurely landing. That means it's take to take a cue from the action movie playbook.



Once safely aboard, Stalker hands over the info he found to Hawk.



Seriously though, those fish are really loud.

Crayvex
Dec 15, 2005

Morons! I have morons on my payroll!

This thread makes me so happy. Please tell me you have all read Cobra Last Laugh. It is amazing.

Propagandalf
Dec 6, 2008

itchy itchy itchy itchy

http://www.skdtac.com/E9-AT-Adventure-Team-Patch-p/ech.153.htm

The Eyes Have It
Feb 9, 2008

Third Eye Sees All
...snookums

Nipponophile posted:

HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT THE 1990S WERE THE WORST DECADE EVER FOR THE AMERICAN COMIC INDUSTRY???

This might not be the place, but people have to know!

The worst thing to happen to the American comic industry wasn't the 90s, it was the CCA. At least the CCA (Comics Code Authority) would have the final nail in its coffin by the end of the 90s - even though it was struggling to remain relevant way before then.

The CCA is also an example of a 100% private and voluntary non-governmental censorship being the death of anything interesting or progressive in the genre and pretty much killed independents (because no one outside underground/independent would carry you if you didn't have CCA approval).

From wikipedia, here's a list the CCA's original criteria to be able to stamp your comic with the "CCA Approved" logo (it's on the GI Joe covers, you've seen it before). Read this original (trimmed) list and imagine the impact it had on comics as a medium for story-telling (even if it was loosened and updated in later years):

  • Crimes shall never be presented in such a way as to create sympathy for the criminal [or] to promote distrust of the forces of law and justice.
  • If crime is depicted it shall be as a sordid and unpleasant activity.
  • Policemen, judges, government officials, and respected institutions shall never be presented in such a way as to create disrespect for established authority.
  • Criminals shall not be presented as glamorous.
  • In every instance good shall triumph over evil and the criminal punished for his misdeeds.
  • No comic magazine shall use the words "horror" or "terror" in its title.
  • All scenes of horror, bloodshed, gory or gruesome crimes, [etc etc etc] shall not be permitted.
  • Inclusion of stories dealing with evil shall be used or shall be published only where the intent is to illustrate a moral issue and in no case shall evil be presented alluringly, nor so as to injure the sensibilities of the reader.
  • Scenes dealing with, or instruments associated with walking dead, torture, vampires and vampirism, ghouls, cannibalism, and werewolfism are prohibited.
  • Profanity, obscenity, smut, vulgarity, or words or symbols which have acquired undesirable meanings are forbidden.
  • Nudity in any form is prohibited, as is indecent or undue exposure.
  • Suggestive and salacious illustration or suggestive posture is unacceptable.
  • Illicit sex relations, rape, and sexual abnormalities are neither to be hinted at nor portrayed.
  • Sex perversion or any inference to same is strictly forbidden.
    And lots of catch-alls like:
  • Clothed figures shall never be presented in such a way as to be offensive or contrary to good taste or morals.

Now you know why the comics landscape in those old piles of comic books shifted suddenly to a couple decades of Archie, Ritchie Rich, and Superman vs. Lex Luthor robbing banks with kryptonite teeth or whatever.

The Eyes Have It fucked around with this message at 18:23 on Mar 10, 2014

MRC48B
Apr 2, 2012



Oh look, it's the comic book version of the Hays Code.

But instead of The Maltese Falcon, The African Queen, and Double Indemnity, we got Richie rich & Archie.

PS: Anyone interested in further reading about this should check out Tim Wu's The Master Switch: The Rise and Fall of Information Empires

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Mister Sinewave posted:

The worst thing to happen to the American comic industry wasn't the 90s, it was the CCA.

Counterpoint: Plenty of good comics were published under the CCA, not so the 90's.

Let's read issue #14!



So, with Snake Eyes and the rest dead... Wait a minute...



Never mind.

So Dr. Venom tries to kill Snake Eyes, Snake Eyes tries to kill Dr. Venom, Kwinn says "Hey, we all need to work together", and Dr. Venom says "Oh yeah, I've got the real plague toxin over here. The stuff that the Baroness got away with was a fake."

Back at the Pit, Hawk gets the results of the analysis of the microdot that Stalker found last issue.





Make fun if you will, but I think Destro makes the open chest, giant medallion look work.

Back underwater, Dr. Venom seems to be ignoring Kwinn's speeches about teamwork and begins to open a valve, causing water to pour in.

Gen. Flagg arrives at the Pit post haste for a briefing from Hawk.



Now there's a name we're heard before. Oh, and Hawk wasn't joking about Cobra Commander's hobby...





Cobra Commander asks if the Baroness handled the microdot plant herself, and she responds with a totally believable "Of course, why wouldn't I?" while nonchalantly looking away.



In the bunker, Dr. Venom reveals the method to his madness. They must let in enough water for the pressure to equalize with the river outside.

At Joe HQ, the team mounts up in their trusty APC (on sale now!) and heads out to the Fort Wadsworth baseball field for a pickup. Wait, what?



Back at Cobra HQ, Destro makes some offhand comments to Scarface that might possibly, if taken in a certain light, indicate foreknowledge that something bad was going to happen to Cobra Commander shortly. He quickly changes his tune when he finds out that the Commander is not going to Springfield alone as he'd assumed, but with the Baroness as his pilot.

Kwinn remains somewhat suspicious of Dr. Venom, despite all his recent help.



Kwinn seeks encouragement from his otherkin headmates.



The Joes prepare to land on the other side of the mountain from Springfield as Cobra Commander's rocket plane touches down at a camouflaged landing pad inside the ARBCO Furniture Company. (Fans of anagrams, don't strain yourselves.)



Scarface is more than a little suspicious, but he knows he's not exactly a match for Destro.



Oh hey, remember those Cobra troopers from last issue that got parachuted in to keep the Joes from being killed? Turns out not all of them got killed by punji pits, but the survivors are still slightly miffed.



While they get to work on the "volunteer", Stalker and Gung-Ho return from a quick recon into Springfield. Stalker's keen instincts, combined with his ability to rearrange letters, lead him to suspect something is up with the furniture factory.



Destro lands with his airborne troopers near Springfield and force marches them over the mountain in an effort to cut off the Joes.



So that's what this plague thing is all about...



...and the test doesn't exactly go as expected.



Destro makes it just in time to head off the Joe APC.



Inside the factory, Cobra Commander gets word of the firefight outside and heads for his rocket plane. Hawk spots the launch silo doors opening and calls his air support.



One tense countdown later...



His personal mission accomplished, Destro retreats with his remaining troops.



With the factory in flames, the Joes are back to square one.



At least those fish have quieted down.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


File cards for our newest characters...

FIGHTER PILOT
Code Name: Ace
File Name: Armbruster, Brad J.
SN: AF335986725
Grade: O-3 (Captain, USAF)
Birthplace: Providence, RI
Primary Specialty: Fixed Wing Pilot, Single and Multiple Engine
Secondary Specialty: Intelligence Operations

Ace would rather fly than do anything else. During high school he worked after school and weekends to pay for flying lessons. Spent one year flying pipelines in Alaska and two years stunt flying for movies. Enlisted USAF at 22. Duty most previous to G.I. Joe assignment: senior instructor USAF Fighter Weapons Squadron "The Aggressors" (pilot combat training school). Qualified Expert: F-5E, F-15, F-16, XP-14/F. "Ace has one major character flaw: cutthroat poker. A predilection for gambling would ordinarily disqualify an applicant for the G.I. Joe team but in Armbruster's case you can hardly call it gambling since he NEVER LOSES. That's why we call him Ace!"

---

ENEMY WEAPONS SUPPLIER
Code Name: Destro
File Name: Unknown
Birthplace: Unknown
Primary Specialty: Weapons Manufacturer
Secondary Specialty: Terrorist

Destro is the faceless power behind MARS (Military Armaments Research System), largest manufacturer of state-of-the-art weaponry. To Destro, war is man's most natural state: the fittest survive and the greatest technological advances are made. He maintains a luxurious lifestyle around the world. Destro provides high-tech arms to any side able to meet his price and will incite war where it does not exist. He dons his silver battle mask (a family tradition) and enters battle himself, either with COBRA Command (Destro is their major weapons supplier) or against them if it's better for business.

Destro respects the G.I. Joe team for their combat skills and expertise, but abhors them for wasting such skills to maintain peace. He's totally dedicated to seeing them undermined, subverted, or destroyed!

The Rat
Aug 29, 2004

You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.



quote:


Insane Totoro
Dec 5, 2005

Take cover!!!
That Totoro has an AR-15!


Haha they let kids see that kind of fetish ensemble?

Great thread!

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Nipponophile posted:

Destro is the faceless power behind MARS (Military Armaments Research System), largest manufacturer of state-of-the-art weaponry.

Destro owns Magpul?

Actually, MSAR would make more sense given everyone's fascination with anagrams.

Notgothic
May 24, 2003

Thanks for the input, Jeff!

I was always curious if the GI Joe comics were are weird as the Transformers ones, but then I read about something that happens in about a hundred issues -- apparently they're less weird and more, well, more the title of this thread. Thanks for doing this, Nipponophile!

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


So who wants to find out what's happening with that wacky trio of Kwinn the Eskimo, Snake Eyes the ninja commando, and Dr. Venom the mad scientist? Let's Read Issue 15!!!





The Cobra troops plan to walk their prisoners back to the airfield and steal a plane, but Venom is the only trained pilot. They're not altogether sure they can trust him and question him about Kwinn's disappearance...





Snake Eyes, as usual, immediately sets about trying to murder Dr. Venom, but Kwinn reminds him that they need him to fly the plane.

Later that night at the airfield, our merry troupe finds the guards on high alert, probably something to do with the little firefight that broke out there just a couple of issues ago.



They take out the guards and slip into position inside the bomber. Pictured below, a ninja commando manning a WW2-era bomber's dorsal turret:



Doc Venom fires it up, but one of the engines won't turn over. As he ponders what to do, he circles back down the runway, allowing Snake Eyes to destroy the two parked Spitfires to prevent pursuit.



That's right, he's going to push-start the engine...



The Lancaster barely makes it up past the trees, losing her landing gear in the process. Kwinn spells Venom at the yoke so he can settle his nerves and read up on the Lancaster's flight manual.



Suddenly, the plane comes under fire. Turns out there was a third Spitfire in a hangar that they missed. Venom takes back the controls and realizes he'll have to pull some fancy tricks to get away here. The Spitfire pilot keeps attacking from the blind spot where Snake Eyes' guns can't reach.



Meanwhile, back at Cobra headquarters...



More problems aboard the Lancaster as dawn breaks over the Gulf of Mexico. Dr. Venom says the bomb bay doors are slipping open, and the additional drag could prevent them from reaching Florida with their current fuel.



Nah, just kiddin'. He was actually trying to murder a dude. When Kwinn reaches to pull Snake Eyes back up, Venom pulls into a steep climb, tossing Kwinn from the plane. Kwinn manages to barely catch the edge of the bay with his fingertips, but Snake Eyes latches onto his boot when the rope he had been holding snaps. Dr. Venom levels the plane out and walks back to make sure the two fall.



Snake Eyes stops Kwinn from chucking Venom into the gulf because... ummm... actually, I have no idea why. At this point, he's way too much of a liability.

Lest we forget the comic is named G.I. Joe, they put in a token appearance.



And it seems Cobra Commander is a bit suspicious of the timing of Destro's rescue last issue.



Meanwhile, on The Young and the Restless...



The Lancaster, flying low across the gulf, comes across a lone fishing boat. As Kwinn convinces Dr. Venom not to shoot at them for no reason, the boat opens fire first. Seems like they're smugglers who got a bit trigger-happy at the sight of a low-flying plane heading straight towards them. The smugglers hit a fuel tank, causing avgas to spray all over their boat where it is ignited by the muzzle flashes of their guns. OK, yeah, I know that's completely ridiculous... just roll with it.



Just about everything that's not a flight surface gets pitched overboard, and it looks like they just might make Miami after all.



Whereupon they are welcomed by about 200 of Sonny Crockett's good buddies.



Thanks to Venom's earlier radio message, a Cobra lawyer is waiting to take him in hand. Kwinn and Snake Eyes are left to fend for themselves in the county lockup.



And that's another issue done! Join us next time for Intrigue! Romance! New Joes! Betrayal! The Bureau of Engraving and Printing!!!

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



Nipponophile posted:




Nah, just kiddin'. He was actually trying to murder a dude.

Not to be a sperg or anything but I'm pretty sure they didn't actually walk on the bomb bay doors in any WW2 aircraft for pretty much this exact reason. That poo poo should have a raised catwalk in it.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


It's even worse than you think. Not only was the bomb bay of a Lancaster only accessible from the outside of the plane, it also extended directly underneath the cockpit and navigator's table. We'll just chalk it up to Sierra Gordoan modifications after the fact, eh?

Psion
Dec 13, 2002






Nipponophile posted:

It's even worse than you think. Not only was the bomb bay of a Lancaster only accessible from the outside of the plane, it also extended directly underneath the cockpit and navigator's table. We'll just chalk it up to Sierra Gordoan modifications after the fact, eh?

Yeah, in a B-17 and B-24 at least, there's a raised narrow catwalk in the center of the bomb bay, but the Lancaster is as Nipponophile says. The Lancaster bomb bay, by the way, is really weird. For those same reasons. Wikipedia has an alright image: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lancaster_bomb_bay_Sept_1942_IWM_CH_17458.jpg It's very long, but also fairly shallow.

For reference, B-17G bomb bay and B-24J bomb bay. They're actually very similar in layout, except that the B-24's is twice as long.

somebody on this site, I think over in the AI aviation thread, posted about skydiving out of a B-17 bomb bay. I want to see how that works.

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Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



Psion posted:

Yeah, in a B-17 and B-24 at least, there's a raised narrow catwalk in the center of the bomb bay, but the Lancaster is as Nipponophile says. The Lancaster bomb bay, by the way, is really weird. For those same reasons. Wikipedia has an alright image: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lancaster_bomb_bay_Sept_1942_IWM_CH_17458.jpg It's very long, but also fairly shallow.

For reference, B-17G bomb bay and B-24J bomb bay. They're actually very similar in layout, except that the B-24's is twice as long.

somebody on this site, I think over in the AI aviation thread, posted about skydiving out of a B-17 bomb bay. I want to see how that works.

Hahahah oh god I love the loadout in that picture of the Lancaster bomb bay.

Brick of 4 tiny bomb-lettes (probably incendiaries)

Brick of 4 tiny bomb-lettes

Brick of 4 tiny bomb-lettes

GIANT loving BLOCKBUSTER MOTHERFUCKER

Brick of 4 tiny bomb-lettes

Brick of 4 tiny bomb-lettes


It's pretty much dresden.jpg

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