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Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Looks like Destro is playing with his dolls action figures again... Let's Read Issue #22!





A boiler explosion is a pretty dumb explanation, but Clutch argues that the Chaplain's Assistants would never believe the real story.



The Joes are working around the clock to rebuild the Pit, but it proves treacherous work.



They barely manage to place a brace before the roof collapses, but can't get it wedged in without a sledge hammer. Gung-Ho rises to the occasion with his two best skills: teamwork and hitting things.



Elsewhere, Snow Job cleans up the kitchen and makes time with Cover Girl.



He's already got the beard, just needs a fedora.

Other Joes are hard at work on other sections of the Pit, but Snake Eyes has a more personal mission to handle.



Hawk shares the plans for the new and improved Pit with Scarlett. And I share them with you!



Meanwhile, looking in at Cobra HQ finds Cobra Commander hard at his favorite hobby.



Destro is upset that Cobra Commander has authorized the deployment of the Rattler prototype before it has completed final testing. Cobra Commander says that there is an opportunity to attack the Joes as they attend a funeral the next day, and the Cobra air wing has been decimated in the Battle at Ft. Wadsworth. The Rattler is the best plane for the job.

Now off to Switzerland to check in on this odd couple we haven't seen in a while.



Back at Long Island, Snake Eyes makes final preparations to lay his friend to rest.



Later, a more formal ceremony is carried out.



This is one of the rare times we see the Joes in their Class A's.



Suddenly, look, up in the sky! It's a bird...! It's a plane...!



Yeah, it's a plane.



Things are looking grim for our heroes.



For some reason, whoever recolored this keeps making Stalker white at random times.



But wait, who's that in the distance, showing up at the literal last second?



"Who wants a body massage?"

Rock 'n Roll knows the score.



And of course, it's another fan favorite.



In a much less formal setting, a prison work detail sets about the burial of unclaimed dead outside the city as one of the more literate waxes poetic about Hamlet for a bit.

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TheInvisiblePooka
Dec 18, 2012


Seeing Snake-Eyes in Class-A dress is both humbling and creepy.



And I only caught it the second time reading through.

crazypeltast52
May 5, 2010




They have all three computers on the same level, right next to each other. Why is the backup computer there of all places?

Crayvex
Dec 15, 2005

Morons! I have morons on my payroll!

What's going on with the horse? Is that a backwards boot just hangout on the stirrup?

Smiling Jack
Dec 2, 2001

I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.



Crayvex posted:

What's going on with the horse? Is that a backwards boot just hangout on the stirrup?

Traditional military funeral.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Followed by the traditional Rattler honor-strafing. Dumb Joes ruining tradition

Psion
Dec 13, 2002






The line of impacts is along the wing root but there's also the canopy and pilot silhouette getting hit. Given how they're selling Duke, I choose to believe he just headshot the pilot with a .45 while Roadblock took out the wing.

Notgothic
May 24, 2003

Thanks for the input, Jeff!

Doctor Hundtkinder? That's an interesting way to get around the comics code and call someone a son of a bitch.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Psion posted:

The line of impacts is along the wing root but there's also the canopy and pilot silhouette getting hit. Given how they're selling Duke, I choose to believe he just headshot the pilot with a .45 while Roadblock took out the wing.

Puts Hickock .45 to shame

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


priznat posted:

Followed by the traditional Rattler honor-strafing. Dumb Joes ruining tradition

IIRC Reagan's funeral had one

talabama
May 25, 2010


Paging Nipponophile I needs my fix. Fantastic thread.

Young Freud
Nov 25, 2006



talabama posted:

Paging Nipponophile I needs my fix. Fantastic thread.

I found some scans of Larry Hama-penned "literally white ninja vs. reality-bending psychic during WW3", the Nth Man. I loved that comic when I was a kid and would like to share it once I get a stable connection.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Young Freud posted:

I found some scans of Larry Hama-penned "literally white ninja vs. reality-bending psychic during WW3", the Nth Man. I loved that comic when I was a kid and would like to share it once I get a stable connection.

Wow that's a blast from the past! Pretty sure I had a couple issues of that too.

Smiling Jack
Dec 2, 2001

I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.



The Nth Man did the whole 4-th wall breaking meta-narrative way before it caught on.

The Nth Man is best described as Tom Clancy drops a poo poo ton of acid and writes a comic.

There's a part where a Spetznaz group fights it out with a ninja while also battling the disembodied hand of Galactus and that's not even close to the weirdest thing that happens.



I think this is the issue where the main character is trying to escape to Chinese lines while being hunted by a KGB assassin in a Hind and a group of Black Sea Marines.

... Yes, the Clown is a major character. Sort of.

Smiling Jack fucked around with this message at 06:24 on Jun 15, 2014

Young Freud
Nov 25, 2006



Sadly, I believe Marvel has largely forgotten about the Nth Man. I don't believe there's been trade paperbacks published in the last twenty five years or planned to be published. And an independent publisher like IDW would have trouble reprinting it, since there's a lot of references to Marvel properties, especially in the later half of the series.

Also, it's quite dated. The series ended rather early from a 32-issue run cut to 16, largely because of real life events like the Warsaw Pact and Soviet Union collapsing. I was reading through it and having a hard time suspending disbelief at the Soviets successfully launching an amphibious-airborne cross-Bering Strait invasion of North America when they could barely keep what they had together in the first place.

Smiling Jack
Dec 2, 2001

I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.



the series opens with Delta, Seal Team Six and a ninja dentist crash landing a captured IL-76 in Red Square, so if suspending disbelief is a problem this might not be the series for you.

The 82nd Airborne also fights Godzilla at the South Pole

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Yeah I just remember the first issue and it was pretty rad.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Oh hey guys, it's been a while. Let's read Issue 23!







You may remember that the Baroness escaped from Joe captivity during the battle at the Pitt, thanks to Major Bludd. Now, the team has tracked them to Bern. While Snow Job maintains surveillance on the Baroness, Duke and Roadblock are staked out in a cafe covering Bludd's hotel.



Roadblock makes note of Bludd leaving the hotel.



Clutch and Cover Girl tail Major Bludd to a telegraph station where he places an international call to Springfield.



Remember those luggage commercials?

Bludd reminds Cobra Commander that he can spill the beans on the attempt to kill Destro, and while Destro might not believe Bludd, he'll be inclined to listen to the Baroness. With a suitcase full of cash in hand, the commander heads to the Springfield airport.

As Major Bludd meets up with the Baroness at the chalet, Clutch and Cover Girl rendezvous with Snow Job and check in with Duke for instructions.



Bludd waits as the Baroness gets changed out of her bandages...



Snow Job spots the tickets through his binoculars, and the Joe team heads to Lucca, in northern Italy.



Wait, that couldn't be... Nope! It's not.



Turns out Lucca is hosting the International Fantasy Convention, and people are dressing up for the Masquerade Ball that night.

Clutch and Cover Girl, just arriving in town, notice something suspicious about the car in front of them. Can you spot what it is?



Clutch crashes into the town square as Bludd slips away, but the townsfolk play it off as a stunt for the convention.

Bludd doesn't get far, though, as Duke and Roadblock are just around the corner. He moves to run them down, but...



Major Bludd and the Baroness hurry to keep their appointment.



#swag

The thugs grab for the briefcase, but it turns out Cobra Commander's driver has something else in mind.



With Storm Shadow in play, it starts to look like a good old Mexican standoff...



Just then, Duke and Roadblock arrive to shake things up. Taking advantage of the confusion, Baroness grabs Cobra Commander (and the money) and retreats through the back door.

One fistfight later:



The colorful convoy heads towards the Swiss border.



While Clutch's fancy drifting wrecks their Porsche, he only manages to tear the facade off the parade float. The chase threatens to leave them behind.



Always remember, you can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

The Joes run into further trouble from oncoming traffic.



As the pursuit crests the range and heads downward, Clutch remarks that his VAMP has one big advantage over the limo: its off-road capability. Roadblock is dubious.



Making it just in time to cut off Cobra Commander's limo, Roadblock demonstrates what a .50 cal can do to an engine block.



As the Baroness executes another timely allegiance change, this issue ends with Cobra Commander in the hands of the Joes... But for how long?

Mr. Maltose
Feb 16, 2011

The Guffless Girlverine


Roadblock's mastery of all cuisine may be my favorite Joe Quirk.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Not even Clutch is immune from the 911 Turbo's (930) crazy turbolag-oversteer!

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Mr. Maltose posted:

Roadblock's mastery of all cuisine may be my favorite Joe Quirk.

That's probably my favorite bit of characterization: this huge black dude from the deep south hauling an M2 Browning around who really just wants to be a gourmet chef. Which reminds me, I never got around to posting file cards for the new guys.

---

FIRST SERGEANT
Code Name: Duke
File Name: Hauser, Conrad S.
SN: RA213757793
Grade: E-8 (Master Sergeant)
Birthplace: St. Louis, MO
Primary Specialty: Airborne Infantryman
Secondary Specialty: Artillery, Small-arms armorer

Duke was fluent in French, German, and English when he enlisted in 1967. Graduated top of his class at airborne school, Fort Benning. Opted for U.S. Army Special Language School. Specialized in Han Chinese and South East Asian dialects. Went Special Forces in 1969. Worked with tribesman in the boonies of South Vietnam. Ran four different Special Forces schools. Turned down a commission in 1971. Commands by winning respect. Current assignment: Acting First Sergeant, G.I. Joe team.

Statement after declining commission: "They tell me that an officer's job is to impel others to take the risks--so that the officer survives to take the blame in the event of total catastrophe. With all due respect, sir...if that's what an officer does, I don't want any part of it."

---

HEAVY MACHINE GUNNER
Code Name: Roadblock
File Name: Hinton, Marvin F.
SN: RA538203485
Grade: E-4
Birthplace: Biloxi, Mississippi
Primary Specialty: Infantry Heavy Weapons
Secondary Specialty: Cook

Roadblock's dream was to become a gourmet chef. He was working as a bouncer to earn money to attend the Escoffier School in France when an army recruiter convinced him that the army could train him to be a chef. Roadblock joined but found army menus and preparation techniques too appalling. Transferred to the infantry. Qualified expert: M-2 Browning .50 cal Heavy Machine Gun, all Warsaw Pact Heavy MGs, M-16, M-1911A1 Auto Pistol.

"A .50 cal Browning weighs 84 pounds. Add fifty pounds for the ammo--that's about 134 pounds of steel generating 2930 f.p.s. in muzzle velocity at a cyclic rate of 550 r.p.m. Anybody who can handle that doesn't need a machine gun to keep me away!"

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


I just drank a poo poo-ton of malt liquor and watched G.I. Joe: Retaliation for the first time. Let's read Issue #24!





Welp, the title kind of gives things away. Bear with me here...

The Joes stake out an arrestor cable, which is used for a delivery.



As the Joes get to work bolting together their pre-fab fortress, impressing Cobra Commander into duty, the rest of Cobra's leadership has a long-due meeting.



Meanwhile In New Jersey, an unremarkable motorcyclist is reporting on the return of a Joe-piloted cargo plane to Cobra intel analysts. Storm Shadow receives the data and maneuvers himself towards a likely location in the Rockies.

At the Joe's new fortress, Cobra Commander taunts Duke about its defensibility, but Duke retorts that the plateau is inaccessible via land, and they have enough radar-guided anti-air guns to shoot down anything that proves a threat.



Back at Cobra HQ...



Destro is understandably worried that Storm Shadow may prove a loose cannon, but Major Bludd reveals that he planted a homing device on Storm Shadow's sword which they can follow to Cobra Commander.



On the mountain plateau...



Cobra Commander neglects to inform the Joes about the radio receiver also built into his helmet, so when Storm Shadow spots an anomaly in the satellite photos, he is able to zero in and contact the Commander.



While the Joes are distracted with their poker game, Cobra Commander finds an excuse to slip outside and...



Roadblock gets some hits in, which means the Cobra jet glider won't have enough fuel to get away unless someone stays behind. Meanwhile, Duke is breaking open that "secret" crate.



Naturally, Storm Shadow stays behind, but Cobra Commander's escape is hardly smooth.



The Joes back at base take note of what's going on.



Gung-Ho's grenades knock Storm Shadow off-balance, but Cobra deploys further air support.



Duke manages to take out the FANG choppers, but that leaves him out of missiles when he sees Cobra Commander approach his pick-up plane. At least he's got a sense of humor about it.



It turns out that Roadblock and Gung-Ho were able to handle an explosion-addled Storm Shadow.



The "something funny" is a FedEx receipt for a shipment to Chokoloskee, Florida. As the Joes scratch their heads over this, let's check back in with Cobra.



Next issue: Zartan

robziel
May 31, 2011

>10 THRUST "ROBO_COX"
>20 GOTO 10

Aww yeah, what a great way to wake up on Saturday, new Cobras introduced, plot lines set up the only complaint I have is this panel with Baroness crying.



It's just never looked right to me.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

It's because her tear ducts are now artificial along with the rest of her face!

robziel
May 31, 2011

>10 THRUST "ROBO_COX"
>20 GOTO 10

I'd... I'd never thought about it like that. That, makes a lot of sense.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

robziel posted:

I'd... I'd never thought about it like that. That, makes a lot of sense.

I'd like to compare that one to the later scene where Baroness is crying while dropping a memorial wreath from a Rattler.

Kylaer
Aug 3, 2007


quote:


Welp, nobody can say that Cobra Commander doesn't have guts, despite lots of evidence to the contrary when given his other actions

Also, did anyone else notice that at the time of his capture he was wearing his cloth mask, not the helmet?

Smiling Jack
Dec 2, 2001

I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.



You only win the No-prize if you come up with an explanation for the error.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

I sent a few letters in to Marvel in order to win a No-prize.. I thought it was a real thing

But they never printed my letters

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Oh, they were a real thing all right.



For those not in the know, Marvel has always been plagued with continuity errors in their books. These included plot holes, art errors, and costume gaffs like Cobra Commander's headgear here. Marvel editors introduced the "No-Prize" originally as a joke to those who wrote in to point out these goofs. It was intended as a silly reminder to focus on the overall comic quality and not to nit-pick too much. The "award" eventually evolved into something given to those who pointed out an error, but then provided a reasonable explanation as to why it wasn't actually an error. Larry Hama wrote, "I give them to people who get me out of jams if they are very ingenious about it."

Winners would receive one of the envelopes pictured above, which of course contained no prize.

e: Here's an example from one of the issues we've already covered, back when some Joes were prisoners in Springfield.

Nipponophile fucked around with this message at 04:59 on Jul 13, 2014

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Wow I thought they were just tongue in cheek replies on the letters page. As a kid I thought you would get something like a signed poster or the like, but as I got older I kind of figured it out. Didn't know about the envelope though, neat!

Crayvex
Dec 15, 2005

Morons! I have morons on my payroll!

Kylaer posted:

Welp, nobody can say that Cobra Commander doesn't have guts, despite lots of evidence to the contrary when given his other actions

Also, did anyone else notice that at the time of his capture he was wearing his cloth mask, not the helmet?

Actually he shows a lot of guts all the time in the comic book. Being a coward and buffoon is only in the cartoon. You are in for a treat in future issues. Especially if this goes all the way into the more recent-ish comics that re-introduce the Coil and Serpentor's second return.

robziel
May 31, 2011

>10 THRUST "ROBO_COX"
>20 GOTO 10

infrared35 posted:

I'd like to compare that one to the later scene where Baroness is crying while dropping a memorial wreath from a Rattler.

This one?

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

robziel posted:

This one?


Yeah! That's it.

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011



Grimey Drawer

Fun comics and an amazing thread STILL

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

Semi-related, but I just noticed the books Humble Bundle this week is Transformers comics. Since if you were into GI Joe you were ~probably~ into transformers too so I thought I'd give a heads up.

Pay a penny for 48 issues of the classic ones or more for the newer stuff..

Anyone read this stuff? Curious if it's any good.

https://www.humblebundle.com/books

Notgothic
May 24, 2003

Thanks for the input, Jeff!

priznat posted:

Semi-related, but I just noticed the books Humble Bundle this week is Transformers comics. Since if you were into GI Joe you were ~probably~ into transformers too so I thought I'd give a heads up.

Pay a penny for 48 issues of the classic ones or more for the newer stuff..

Anyone read this stuff? Curious if it's any good.

https://www.humblebundle.com/books

I've only read the Devil's Due GI Joe vs. Transformers comics (absurd/great, but not present in this bundle), but one fun thing I remember hearing about the comics is that Grimlock isn't played for laughs. Instead, he's more of a Starscream kind of surly subordinate, but smarter and less mutinous. Basically his character is "what if Optimus Prime was an rear end in a top hat?"

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


I'm working up a Joe update for tonight or tomorrow, but in the meantime I wanted to share this with you guys. Most war comics used to be jingoistic action pieces written for kids. EC comics, however, was never a company to play by the rules.
















This story was published in 1953.

ShitheadDeluxe
May 14, 2007


Nipponophile posted:



This story was published in 1953.

True Tales of Enormous Brass Ones, EC Comics.

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MrTuffPaws
Feb 7, 2005



That was incredible. I'm surprised it made it past the censors back then.

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