What is with All These Corpses, Princess?: Let's Play Long Live the Queen

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > What is with All These Corpses, Princess?: Let's Play Long Live the Queen

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Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Elodie's depressed; let her sit in her room and write emo songs about her dead mom all week. Instrument in the morning then Voice in the evening.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2014 18:01

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 17:12

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Gaz-L posted:

Given how Elodie's stats start, she may literally not know what it is right now.

"I-I thought you just asked for things and servants brought them?"

I have to wonder what they were teaching her at the boarding school. Was it basically an overgrown daycare center for the children of nobles and the grotesquely wealthy, rather than an actual school where people get actual educations?

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 04:36 on Feb 2, 2014

# ¿ Feb 2, 2014 04:34

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

MegaZeroX posted:

You look well, niece.

Wow, gently caress that guy. He was hoping Elodie had already contracted tuberculosis, wasn't he?

Poor Elodie must be really missing her time with the dogs already. They didn't have any ulterior motives; they didn't have any designs on her or her birthright -- they just loved her, and asked for nothing else in return. :smith:

Let her spend some time in the garden and reflect, then begin learning to dance in the mornings. She should start learning divination in the afternoon, too, because I'm hosed if her relatives and advisers will ever tell her anything other than "you look exceptionally pretty today and why haven't you died yet."

# ¿ Feb 2, 2014 23:47

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

What's up with this dog? It doesn't look anything like a dog. We have no interest in it, only in dogs. Our palace is a dog palace and only dog visitors are welcome. Keep it in the dungeon pending assessment of its usefulness as dog food.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 01:34 on Feb 4, 2014

# ¿ Feb 4, 2014 00:34

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Attend service and pray to the dog god. Once you're done with that, go and learn more about dogs and then about falcons (a wholly inferior sort of dog, but still a dog we must learn about as part of our highly important royal studies.)

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 02:22 on Feb 5, 2014

# ¿ Feb 5, 2014 02:10

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Look down! Pet it, hug it, let it slurp your precious princess face! :neckbeard:

Then sit alone in your room and collect mail-order dog art and plushies until the royal bedchamber resembles a canine-themed Anime Room.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 01:08 on Feb 6, 2014

# ¿ Feb 6, 2014 00:51

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

The Mighty Biscuit posted:

See that big -2.00 on History? That means we get a really vastly reduced amount of points from any of the sub skills. We only get 3 points per tic compared to the usual 5 points per tic. Since our skills mean our survival, we need to make good use of every class. Never take a class with such a huge penalty attached.

All Military All The Time

We normally get 2 skillpoints per weekday (10 per week); if we have a -2 penalty we get exactly zero points from our studies.

Being a willful little girl all of a sudden, Elodie's in the perfect mood to start training her new canine advisor in the ways of statecraft. Double up on Internal Affairs; have the puppy learn about each noble house's favorite flower. In time, you will be able to teach him to urinate on those flowers at your command -- and then you will need only say a renegade duchess's name, and your puppy will sally forth across the kingdom to desecrate her holdings.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2014 02:08

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Don't wear it! Only the royal puppy deserves such a wondrous gift as this.

# ¿ Feb 9, 2014 03:20

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

GrizzlyCow posted:

Completion of skill category. Note that we have one skill in the Physical skills tree at 50%. We have one skill out of 12 at 50%. That's about 5% or 0.05 (actually 4.2% but whatever).

It looks like a different formula, given that in every skill category the category bonus is just our total skillpoints in that category divided by 1000. In social, we have 20 points, and receive a +0.02 skillpoints/day bonus to training, and so forth for the other categories.

Now that the puppy has been initiated in the ways of internal affairs, we should prepare it for ventures beyond our borders. It will need to learn the arts of seduction and genetic warfare, so train Falcons to build rapport with the great storks that shall deliver countless litters to the enemy kennels, sired by our secret agent. Then, train ciphering so that we may develop a common language for all of these newborn canine infiltrators to report with, from all corners of the world.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2014 01:30

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

So, are we trying to actually win our first playthrough and voting for the Best Possible Options every week according to whatever gamefaqs said? :psyduck:

# ¿ Feb 10, 2014 03:27

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Dip him in barbecue sauce and feed him to the puppy. Royal barbecue sauce; such a noble creature deserves no less.

I applaud your decision to forgo the catsuit for now, as the poor creature might become angered and try to chase Elodie up a tree. Heaven knows she spends enough time in the garden already.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 05:00 on Feb 15, 2014

# ¿ Feb 15, 2014 04:58

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

GrizzlyCow posted:

We all know that school didn't tech Elodie nothing about life. However, I figure most forms of mathematics is probably above everyone who isn't an academic or engineer considering the setting. Elodie's new found ability to add together numbers with a sum larger than 10 without taking off the royal crocs is a great party trick.

Considering that Elodie killed the printing press, she'll probably be the only person in Nova with access to decent mathematics textbooks for about a century.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2014 02:45

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Penakoto posted:

Presence X 2, if we're (finally) going to get violent, we should also get intimidating.

As intimidating as a 14 year old anime princess can get, anyways.

As the adventures of the Ixionite diplomat taught us, presence is less about looking intimidating to somebody and more about having that somebody discover that we've beheaded all his friends and loved ones and are planting the heads in unexpected and hilarious locations around his home. Let's learn how to do that, presence x2.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 05:30 on Feb 16, 2014

# ¿ Feb 16, 2014 05:28

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

That planting ceremony sounds really dumb. Instead, we shall awe the masses with our mastery over animals! Our all-conquering presence allow us to make any horse in Nova perform fabulous tricks once its gaze meets ours, so we must prepare the most spectacular dog and pony show Anime Continent has ever seen! Train horses. All the horses.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2014 01:21

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Shaming sounds like the way to go, since as we know, Elodie is useless at anything other than standing around and pouting at people. I mean goddamn look at that Presence score. I'll bet that the last time someone tried to assassinate her it played out like this:

: Yer reign of terror has gone on long enough, ya little wretch! Because yeh cut the funding to the hospital project both of my children died of da creepin' itch before the doctor could --

: WHY YES YOUR MAJESTY I WILL GLADLY TAKE THIS MELON BALLER AND TURN MYSELF INTO A BOWL OF DELICIOUS PUPPY CHOW

: AFTER I BATHE

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Feb 23, 2014

# ¿ Feb 23, 2014 02:42

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Sounds like it's time to force the boy into marriage as a political plot to claim regency and control his lands. That's probably why mom married such a lovely dad; she was doing the same thing. Wear your catsuit to the wedding too, to drive home the point that he's just a pawn in your game.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 03:00 on Mar 1, 2014

# ¿ Mar 1, 2014 02:54

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Clarste posted:

(or at least their lords swear fealty to us)

That's basically it. Elath is just a vassal state; we can't directly meddle in its administration for our own benefit. Yet.

So the vows are going to go something like this:

quote:

Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent by repeating after me: I, Princess Elodie...

I, Princess Elodie...

...take you, Lord Adair...

...take you, Lord -- wait, that's how that's pronounced?

...to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward...

...to be my husband, to raise the census tax on Elath fivefold...

...for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer...

...to launch a series of raids along Shanija's coastline and pin the blame on him, disgracing him as "The Pirate Prince of Nova..."

...in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.

...in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until I get bored and put a milk viper in his chamberpot when he goes to take a poo poo.

It will be a happy marriage.

# ¿ Mar 1, 2014 03:22

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Sign citizenship papers for the dog so it can be considered a commoner, and install the dog. Honestly, any administrator, noble, or commoner we grant the title to is bound by gratitude to do whatever Elodie says for the rest of their lives anyway, so let's just be honest about what this means for Elath's peasantry:

Tax, boy! Tax!

Arf!

Good boy! Now off with their heads!

*snarl*

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 19:40 on Mar 9, 2014

# ¿ Mar 9, 2014 19:38

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

PARTY! Our astounding Presence will turn every guest into a whimpering mindslave, whom we can use as an army to take back Elath while they're still in their masquerade ball outfits!

# ¿ Mar 10, 2014 01:55

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Divination, divination, and more divination. Lumen didn't do poo poo to save us from that arrow, so let's get to be friends with the gods this time and hope they'll save us. This means send Julianna home too. Do whatever you want with the snake.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2014 02:05

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

VinnyDonuts posted:

Bah. This is worse than Twitch Plays Pokemon. We'll never see Elodie be a successful queen, if we ever manage to get her there at all. Too many morons yelling dumb poo poo drowning out the people who know what they're talking about.

Would you rather everybody in the thread consult GameFAQs before they cast a vote?

# ¿ Mar 11, 2014 03:25

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Super Jay Mann posted:

For further comedy and/or frustration, you could always turn off skill check notifications so you end up having no idea how or why things went bad or what skills you ended up needing

The real failure was when we didn't train enough Dogs, so we couldn't train it to jump into the way of random arrows :smith:

Better train more dogs next time!

# ¿ Mar 11, 2014 03:56

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

MegaZeroX posted:

Throw her into the castle dungeons and let her rot!

Well. I suppose she won't be a problem anymore.

I love his reaction and how it's basically "WELP :stonklol:

"

He lets his daughter make her first decision as royalty and it's to throw one of the kingdom's duchesses in jail. Have her train divination x3 again, so the gods can explain to her that she should just loving arrest everyone else while she's at it.

# ¿ Mar 12, 2014 01:25

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Is there any way to even train up Resist Magic if you throw your magic teacher in a dungeon before finding out how to get your magical powers?

# ¿ Mar 16, 2014 05:53

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

PUBLISH THE GUTENBERG BIBLE but make it about dogs. Every reference to God is now a reference to Dog. In addition, the metal sort for the word "Dog" will be baptized in dog pee, so everybody knows the book is sacred. Using the power of Technology we will bring all of Nova back into the One True Faith! :smugdog:

# ¿ Mar 19, 2014 00:44

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

That was one lovely omen. Train meditation and lore so we can train more Divination and see more lovely omens. Once our divination skill is high enough, every cow in the kingdom will begin farting out an endless stream of bloody, half-liquefied cow fetuses. The entire kingdom will overflow with explosive bovine miscarriages, drowning Julianna wherever she may be hiding. We'll literally kill her using lovely omens. That's how Divination skill works, right?

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 23:44 on Mar 19, 2014

# ¿ Mar 19, 2014 23:40

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Force Adair into a marriage. It's what I said to do last time anyway. As an added bonus, we now know that Elath has a poo poo-ton of wealth to steal, and the Tuxedo Princess totally can't resist that.

# ¿ Mar 21, 2014 02:49

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Hyper Crab Tank posted:

This is what we needed all that skill to figure out?

If the kingdom's funds are all kept in the form of precious metals (which is what it sounded like when we visited the treasury) and accounted for on handwritten ledgers, then it's a miracle that Elodie was able to come up with that precise of a number for the discretionary portion of their funds, honestly. Accounting was probably some messy poo poo in the Middle Ages.

Oh yeah, speaking of Middle Ages, tax the poor and then learn lots and lots of Faith until you have a divine revelation that justifies raising taxes even higher. Taxes aren't high enough until the peasants start burning tuxedo-clad effigies in the streets, at which point you can just have them all executed for treason and appropriate their remaining property to the Treasury.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 23:53 on Mar 25, 2014

# ¿ Mar 25, 2014 23:39

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Haifisch posted:

I think the point is knowing exactly how much money you have, since you could potentially spend it on a ton of things before this check(and a few things after). The bit about "more taxes=more money, less taxes=less money" is still , though.

Yeah, this is discretionary income. The treasury probably has tens of thousands of gold lassi at the very least, as well as various jewelry, paintings, and other valuable "treasures" in it that might get handed out in lieu of a big payment, but the money is almost all earmarked toward things like the world-class Reflexes tutor who walks around and slowly prods a finger at you. How loving much does she get paid to do that, anyway?

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 01:05 on Mar 26, 2014

# ¿ Mar 26, 2014 01:02

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

So, Brin just straight-up sold out her ex-girlfriend to the greedy, raging nightmare of a princess that is Elodie? Nice.

Oh, and that other saltwater geyser during the Festival of the Good Lady was probably staged by Selene, all things considered. Goddamn.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2014 00:28

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Catalina posted:

When I was going through a game with the "gently caress Magic, Kill Juliana and all the Lumens" plot, I ended up having Elodie pursue Brin at the same time. It was pretty funny to think of the chain of events that had Brin be someone who had been dumped, become a significant other to the most powerful person in the realm, then having her new girlfriend order the execution of her ex-girlfriend and ex-girlfriend's new partner.

quote:

WITCH HUNT!

As you wish.

You're right though, we should just kill every loving Lumen in the kingdom. Who needs lightsabers when we're about to take over the entire continent via the power of the state-run printing press? God only knows how soon Elodie will realize that the thing can print money as quickly as it can print books.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 02:54 on Mar 27, 2014

# ¿ Mar 27, 2014 02:52

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Marry him and make him pay for the tuxedo he's going to have to wear. It will be a white tuxedo with a built-in collar and leash, and when you reach the altar, you'll just lean over, grab hold of that sucker, and yank him in. He'll have to pay for the rings too. And the reception. And everything else until his duchy is a smoldering, bankrupt ruin. Long live the queen, motherfuckers.

Also, holy hell is our lovely dad about to give us access to Caloris's top-secret stash of ancient anti-magic weapons and armor? I take back everything I've said about him. It's time to be faithful to him. Really, really, really faithful.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 02:34 on Mar 28, 2014

# ¿ Mar 28, 2014 01:57

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

I wonder what got little Adair so up and afraid of us.

quote:

You shouldn't be out catching frogs, you know.

Why's that, highness?

(Test: Lore => SUCCESS) Haven't you ever heard of the Talassian Mage-Frogs?

Uh...

(Test: Lore => SUCCESS) They leap out of the water and kiss cute little boys, instantly transforming them into more Talassian Mage-Frogs. Their numbers have swelled greatly over the past decade as more and more children fall victim.

(Test: Animal Handling => FAILED) The problem will go away after I import a few shipments of milk vipers and release them across Nova as a biological counter-agent, though!

I'm tempted to drag him along to the party and see if he's a nice enough boy to take a few arrows or crossbow bolts for us, but he probably doesn't want to come out of his room anymore. Stay home and get nice and elegant so we can look classy while slapping him around the castle for not tying his shoelaces in perfectly symmetrical knots. How dare he embarrass the Crown Princess with such grotesquery?

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 06:04 on Mar 29, 2014

# ¿ Mar 29, 2014 05:55

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

At the wedding, I'm wearing a tux
The groom gets one too, which sucks
We'll look quite the same
And I'll be quite ashamed
'Til the end, when he's fed to the ducks!

:effort:

Keep bein' elegant.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2014 22:38

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

ViggyNash posted:

Remind me, who's Alice? And who's Arisse?

Continue pumping Royal Demeanor (x2).

Alice is the maid we're talking to right about now. Arisse, Duchess of Lillah is our fianc� Adair's mom; she wanted regency and control of his lands, but we nabbed it from her.

Speaking of which, is anybody still updating the "what we've learned so far" posts? Where are those, anyway?

# ¿ Mar 30, 2014 21:14

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Here comes the skill dump! This is, as far as I can tell, complete for every skill we've trained on all playthroughs. Updating the skill check history will be annoying as gently caress, and I'm not sure I'm going to do that.

It looks like JosephWongKS hosted all of that offsite on lpix, which I don't know how to use yet, but if I figure it out I can move this post and updates to it offsite too. Assuming I ever update it.

quote:

ROYAL DEMEANOR

Composure

10: You practice deep breathing exercises, learning to find and maintain a sense of inner calm.

20: You practice positive thinking, maintaining a good self-image, and conditioning yourself to carry on rather than be frustrated by any past misstep.

30: You practice sitting calmly while your teacher circles around you and makes unexpected loud noises at random intervals.

40: At your command, your teacher strikes your palm with a leather tawse, and you learn to bear the sting.

50: You lie on a couch and try to remain relaxed while your teacher smacks your heels with a leather tawse.

60: You are strapped into tight, heavy armor and made to walk around in it, learning that any attempt at sudden movement will catch painfully or trip you up. Slow and steady is the way to go.

70: Your teacher smears your body and clothes with strawberry jam and makes you walk around like that for hours, facing the funny looks and snickers aimed at you without hiding or becoming angry.

Elegance

10: You practice walking along a narrow rail, taking each step carefully and focusing on your balance.

20: You practice standing and walking with books balanced on your head.

30: You practice the elegant way to hold and sip from a teacup, your pinky slightly extended for balance.

Presence

10: You practice wearing the royal regalia and looking at yourself in a mirror. Young as you are, you are a queen of the blood. You are your mother's daughter. You are a force to be reckoned with.

20: You stare at yourself in the mirror and practice focusing and transmitting energy with only your eyes, turning the "intensity" of your gaze on and off at will.

30: You practice using different styles of breathing in order to feel more energetic and to let that energy surround you for others to share.

40: You plant your feet in a strong stance, imagining that you are a tree, deeply rooted in the earth. You can feel that power within you and know that you will not be pushed aside.

50: You practice focusing your attention on individuals as you pass, letting them feel a brief connection with you before you formally acknowledge them with a nod.

60: You practice being aware of your environment, seeing everything as it transpires around you and feeling that you are in control of it all.

70: You practice giving commands to the castle staff, neither asking nor demanding, but telling them what needs to be done. As long as you believe it to be true, they will as well.

80: You practice watching people and willing them to feel your gaze on them. Inevitably, they will be drawn to you.

90: You imagine things that you want to happen in the near future, and then convince yourself and others that those things will happen.

CONVERSATION

Public Speaking

10: You practice tongue-twisting sequences of syllables to improve your enunciation.

20: You take deep breaths and practice speaking loudly and clearly, projecting your voice to every corner of a room.

Court Manners

10: You review the correct greetings for guests according to rank and when to extend your hand to another. All nobles expect their due honors.

20: As the person of highest rank within the domain, no one may sit at any formal event unless you give them permission, and no one must ever turn their back on you. If they do, you are intended to recognize the insult.

30: You study rules for formal dining, including the proper utensils for different dishes. As the queen, no one will comment on your mistakes, but they will notice them.

40: You study the traditions of ballroom etiquette, how to politely accept or defer an offer, and how to avoid the impression of attachment to an individual.

50: You memorise the correct title for every servant in the castle. Treating servants with respect ensures good service.

Flattery

10: You learn that it's important to make eye contact when saying nice things about someone.

20: You learn that flattering comments have the best impact when kept short. Gushing makes people feel awkward.

30: You learn that it is always better to compliment people for their personality and their choices than their physical attributes.

EXPRESSION

Decoration

Instrument

Voice

AGILITY

Dance

10: You practice curtseying, standing, and walking across the floor in a graceful manner.

Reflexes

10: Your teacher walks around you, prodding a finger at you slowly in order to train you in blocking those touches without triggering fear or faster breathing.

Flexibility

WEAPONS

Swords

10: You take up a wooden sword and practice correct grips and stances.

20: You practice slow swings to move your blade to precisely marked targets, building up your muscles and control.

30: You drill with a partner, attacking and blocking in carefully timed patterns.

40: You practice moving with a blade � sidestepping, charging and lunging.

50: You practice using your blade to disarm opponents or shove them backwards.

60: You spar with a partner, trading blows while looking for opportunities to tag each other.

70: You begin to work with a metal blade, getting the feel for its weight and edge as well as learning how to care for it.

80: You practice drawing your blade and striking at short notice from a variety of positions.

Archery

10: You learn how to twist and wax bowstring from a variety of fibers.

20: You learn to cut, fletch and tie arrows.

30: You learn about different styles and sizes of bows � long, short and recurve.

40: You learn about caring for your bow � how to store it between uses, string and unstring, and check for damage or wear. You also learn that you should never �fire� a bow without an arrow on the string.

Polearms

10: You learn about a variety of long weapons, from the quarterstaff to the spear to the halberd and glaive.

20: You practice walking while carrying a long weapon, getting the feel for its size and weight and learning to maneuver without banging it into anything unintentionally.

30: You learn the basic stances, grips and positions for staff fighting, and how to block a blow without crushing your fingers.

ANIMALS

Horses

Dogs

10: You visit the kennels and learn about different breeds of dogs.

20: You learn about dog grooming and the most common diseases and injuries that dogs suffer from.

30: You learn the standard commands for working with trained hunting dogs and retrievers.

40: You practice working with trained dogs in a small area, telling them to stay, search and fetch.

50: You choose a young puppy and begin raising him to respond to you over all others.

Falcons

HISTORY

Novan

Foreign Affairs

World

INTRIGUE

Internal Affairs

10: Until you have children of your own, your maternal uncle, the Duke of Merva, is next in line for the crown, and after him would be his daughter, your cousin Charlotte.

20: Your maternal uncle�s wife, the Countess Nix, claims kinship to the old Merva line and originally asked your mother for title to the Duchy. However, no one could verify her lineage. As a compromise, your mother created her brother Duke of Merva.

30: The last Duke of Mead was the older half brother of the current Duchess. His reign was brief and highly scandalous � he defied tradition to pledge himself as the lifemate of the old Duke of Ursul, then broke that off only a year later. He retired into seclusion and died still unwed.

40: The Duke of Maree has paid suit to the Duchess of Ursul to no avail. The Duchess�s brother is opposed, as he will inherit if she dies childless. Your agents suspect the Duchess is actually more interested in the Duchess of Hellas. Neither has ever been linked to a man.

50: Countess Lieke of Dis married the old Duke of Sudbury, who was more than twice her age, then divorced him as soon as she�d borne him an heir in order to marry another. It was considered shockingly rude by the general nobility, but the old Duke apparently had no objection.

60: The Countess of Dis is now married to the disinherited third sibling of the Duke of Maree and the Duchess of Hellas. Currently, both Duke and Duchess are unwed. If either dies without an heir, a title may still pass to the Countess�s husband.

70: Several generations back, the rulers of Elath and Sedna in neighbouring Talasse married. The citizens of Elath objected to this foreign influence, and the resulting heir died in suspicious circumstances, after which the title was passed to a distant branch of the family rather than another child of the Elath-Sedna union.

What you learned from King-Dowager Joslyn aka Elodie�s father: After Fabian (Earl of Titan and Duke-Regent of Elath) passes away, the heir is young Lord Adair, who will not reach his fifteenth birthday for over two years. His step-mother is Arisse the Duchess of Lillah. The Duchies of Lillah and Elath are neighbouring territories.

What you learned from a failed Novan History check in Week 22: Lillah and Elath comprise almost the entire eastern border of the Kingdom of Nova.

What you learned from a partially successful Internal Affairs check in Week 22: Duchess Arisse�s previous husband was supposed to be a nasty piece of work. He may even have attacked Adair�s mother before her untimely death. He�s gone now, of course, but she (Duchess Arisse) is still the sort of woman who married a monster.

What you learned from King-Dowager Joslyn aka Elodie�s father: Lord Adair has a living grandfather, the Earl of Ishtar.

Foreign Intelligence

10: The current Duke of Sedna is twenty-six years old and unmarried. He might be considered a good marriage prospect for you if you desire stronger ties with the domain of Talasse.

20: The domain of Shanjia, across the sea to the west, has been steadily increasing in size, and now controls a wide range of coastline as well as most of the navigable rivers.

30: The political disruption in Tombula in recent years has caused a disruption in their chocolate production, which is to the benefit of Nova, particularly the duchy of Kigal.

40: Since their recent revolution, the Tombulans have twice begun gathering troops on the Novan border. Both times, their camps were struck by fierce storms and earthquakes, and they decided to give up on the idea.

50: Pirates are once again operating out of Orcus, although they are currently sticking to the northern seas and no threat to Nova. However, if they turn to slave raids, the Borealans may be quite vulnerable.

Ciphering

10: You practice reading words whose letters have been arranged in reverse order � the simplest of transpositions, which anyone literate can puzzle through if they try, but sometimes useful to hide information thg is nia lpni.

20: You practice shifting substitution ciphers, where each letter is replaced by one a few steps further along the alphabet, so that �cake and pie� becomes �fdnh dqg slh�.

30: You practice random substitution ciphers, where the normal alphabet is replaced by one in jumbled order. This is harder to decode, but most people need a written substitution chart to read or write it, and that chart can be lost or stolen.

MEDICINE

Herbs

Battlefield Medicine

10: You learn that wounds, even minor ones, should be washed as soon as possible to prevent dirt from growing under the skin.

20: You learn that blood loss wastes life energy. Bleeding should be stopped through bandages, pressure, and elevation.

Poison

10: The first treatment for most ingested poisons is to purge the stomach by forcing the victim to eat powdered charcoal, which can absorb dangerous substances.

ECONOMICS

Accounting

10: You brush up on basic mathematics with the help of an abacus.

20: You study the manipulation of larger quantities through direct calculations, using written numbers instead of an abacus.

30: You study moneylending and the controversies involved in charging interest. According to the druids, one should always return more than one is loaned, or else the debt gave no value to the world.

40: You study bookkeeping and the art of notating incomes and expenditures, as well as how to determine the amount of funds a solvent business needs to keep on hand in order to continue functioning.

50: You learn about the concept of 'diminishing returns', a point after which spending more on a particular project fails to improve it as much as previous spending did.

60: You study taxation, and learn about how past monarchs demanded too much and drove peasants into ruin in order to collect it. Other monarchs demanded too little and drove whole domains into ruin by lacking the funds to sustain and defend them.

70: You study the standard operating costs of the domains military and the amounts needed to commission new ships, soldiers, and knights.

80: You study the art of laying customs duties, and how those tariffs can affect the flow of goods in and out of the country.

90: You study the costs and benefits of publication and health provisions.

100: You study the effects of minting more coin to cover economic shortages.

Trade

10: You learn that even the smallest of villages has a central market where locals can trade what they have grown or made with others who have different skills.

20: You learn that individual peddlers travel between villages and cities, some on foot with packs and mules, others riding horses and wagons. Sometimes different wagons group together to form a caravan.

30: The most important trade route in the domain is the Cavalla River. It travels through the center of your lands, and almost every duchy contains tributaries that feed into the Cavalla, allowing goods to be shipped along it by boat.

40: Much of the domain's trade comes in from the western ocean. The capital city, and your castle, are located on an island near the mouth of the Cavalla River where it meets the sea. That makes this the most important location for trade in the domain.

50: The second most important seaport in the domain is Ursulia, on the Theku Bay. Ursul is the only duchy with no access to the Cavalla River; they send their goods south to you by ship.

60: Over a hundred years ago, a canal was constructed through eastern Lillah so that ore from Elath could be safely transported past the rapids of the upper Cavalla river. The duchy of Lillah financed the canal's construction and still receives a toll for every boat which passes through.

70: The rise of annual fairs helps draw craftspeople and performers to different locations around the domain at different times of year, ensuring wide access to a variety of goods and merchants. However, this also diminishes the power of the capital and the guildmasters.

80: Disruption of sea trade would be disastrous. The navy keeps regular patrols against pirates, and a lookout is always maintained at Shepherd's Point to warn of enemy approaches.

90: It is possible for small locations to be self-sufficient by making a wide range of goods, but if each location focuses on making fewer kinds of goods which they can produce more efficiently, the overall amount of goods increases.

Production

10: You learn that Sunset Bay off the coast of duchy Mazomba is a prime location for fishing.

20: You learn how farmers in the Duchy of Maree rotate between fields for raising crops and fields that lie fallow.

30: You learn that most of the domain's iron is mined in Sudbury and transported west by the Gowan River to the Cavalla.

40: You learn that the hilly terrain in Hellas is no good for growing most crops, but is excellent for vineyards and migratory flocks of sheep and goats.

50: You learn that gold and other precious minerals are mined in the mountains of Elath.

60: You learn that wool from Hellas travels north to cotton-growing Mead, where quality cloth is created and dyed.

70: You learn that sand from Maree travels north to Caloris where it is crafted into glass.

80: You learn that the forests in Ursul are regularly harvested for timber, but trees in Kigal are left to grow, because in their shade grow the smaller trees whose seeds produce coffee and chocolate.

90: You learn that an enclave of druids gathers herbs from Merva and Mazomba, wine from Hellas, and honey from Mead, in order to make the most valuable medical elixirs.

100: You learn about the secret combination of metals that must be carefully heated and worked to create wootz steel for top-quality swordsmithing.

MILITARY

Strategy

Naval Strategy

10: You learn that the sea is not something you hold, it is something you travel across. Naval strategy ensures you free travel while denying it to your enemies.

Logistics

10: You learn about the types and amounts of food required for an army on the march, and how long they will remain edible.

FAITH

Meditation

10: You practice assuming a sitting position that allows you to be relaxed and tranquil without being so relaxed that you are likely to fall asleep.

20: You close your eyes and relax every muscle of your body in turn, letting that feeling travel down through you from your head to your fingertips and toes.

30: You take slow, deep breaths, letting that air move through your body, feeling it give you life and energy.

40: You stare into a polished crystal ball and relax, letting your mind wander.

50: You close your eyes and visualise the crystal ball floating in front of your eyes.

60: You close your eyes and visualise a crystal ball floating through the air, moving past your eyes and into your mind, filling you with light.

70: You learn to visualise the space around you so that you can 'see' the whole room with your eyes closed.

80: You discover that if you put yourself into the right state of mind, your entire body begins to glow faintly.

90: You discover that if you put yourself into the right frame of mind, you really can see with your eyes closed.

100: You discover that if you put yourself into the right frame of mind, you can sense things happening in nearby rooms, even behind closed doors.

Divination

10: You learn that the gods cannot be forced to divulge information about the future, and that the most powerful omens are those which arrive unexpectedly.

20: Dropping your favorite plate is bad luck. A statue spontaneously shattering is a bad omen.

30: You read about well-known signs of bad fortune: wells turning sour, dry lightning, strange fish caught in nets, malformed babies being born, and so on.

40: You read about signs that have presaged famous disasters, such as the seas running red before the Doomshadow fell upon Nova two hundred years ago.

50: You read about King Latimer, and how he knew he was destined for greatness when he saw the shape of a crown in a spider's web.

60: You read about animal omens, in particular the flights of birds.

70: You learn about signs which sometimes appear in grounds or leaves at the bottom of a cup.

80: You study the interpretation of dreams, with warnings that dreams are easily forgotten, misremembered, or warped by thoughts and desires rather than true vision.

90: You study the stars and learn about the omens they hold, with warnings that the stars are seen by all and their portents may not be meant for you.

100: You learn that priestesses have other ways of requesting omens from the gods, but that they won't share them with someone not initiated into the mysteries.

Lore

10: Only a Lumen can channel magic, and only with the help of an attuned crystal. The ability to control a crystal seems to be inherited, so crystals can be passed from parent to child... upon the Lumen's death.

20: The kings and queens of Nova have all been Lumens for centuries, but in modern times, magic is only used for ceremonial occasions and the direst of emergencies.

30: Long, long ago, the continent of Borealis was ruled over by a single Witch-King, until a rival line of Lumens challenged for the crown. The resulting war went on for a hundred years with powerful spells that damaged the land so badly that even now, no plants will grow.

40: Legend has it that long ago, a horde of Yevenni on the back of tentacled monsters rode into the valley of Mead laying waste to all in their path. Their conquest was only halted when a Lumen raised a great flood to drown the invaders.

50: Legend says that the island domain of Malini was once a single island instead of a cluster, until an invading Novan queen raised a terrible pillar of fire that shattered the land into pieces.

60: At the height of the Novan Empire, all the major Dukes and Duchesses were Lumens, and they conquered their enemies with beams of light and terrible summoned monsters. Those monsters eventually broke loose, killing their captors and destroying the Old Capital on Kathre Lake. The resulting chaos shook the Empire.

70: Two hundred years ago, a great force of darkness covered Nova, threatening to wipe out all life in the domain. It took the self-sacrifice of the Queen and her complement of Lumens to defeat that doom. Only the Duke of Ursul refused to join in the defense and therefore survived.

80: A Lumen once tried to lift the curse from an enchanted sprint whose water was poisonous and glowed green. After dispelling the magic, she tasted the water and fell dead - the green glow was not a curse, but a spell placed by a Lumen long before to warn everyone away from the spring's natural poison.

90: A Lumen may willingly surrender control of his or her magic to another. This was how the Novan Empire came to dominate the world - a growing force of Lumens focused on a single ruler, granting that King or Queen immense power.

100: It is now believed that strong magical power attracts danger. Therefore, after the doomshadow was banished, the crystals of the fallen Dukes and Duchesses were destroyed. Only the crown - and the duchy of Ursul - maintain active Lumens.

MAHOU SHOUJO

Sense Magic

10: You close your eyes and learn to feel the magic within you.

20: You practice using small amounts of magic and feeling that power outside of yourself.

Resist Magic

10: You increase your awareness of your own thoughts and emotions, making it more difficult for more-affecting magic to twist your reactions.

20: You learn to consciously project a magical field through your thoughts, blocking outside magic from touching your mind � but only when you have the energy to consciously resist.

30: You gain innate resistance to light and dark � you can now see in the blackest caves or stare into the sun without going blind.

40: You learn to consciously project a magical shield around your body, blocking intrusion; a powerful technique, but you can�t keep it up for long.

50: You gain increased resistance against heat and cold, becoming comfortable in different weather and environments (and able to sip hot soup without burning your tongue!)

60: You learn how to quickly flare magical shields around you to deflect an incoming attack. This uses much less energy than a constant shield, but it requires good timing to be effective.

70: You learn how to maintain a low-level deflection shield, so that magical attacks not directly targeted at you will slide harmlessly aside. This doesn�t need much power, so you can keep it up for long periods of time.

80: You learn how to directly counter offensive magic with your own power, so that you can �burn out� a spell that someone else has cast. This is very dangerous if the other spell is too powerful!

90: Your increased skill and power gives you innate resistance to mind-affecting magic.

100: Your understanding of the flow of power gives you increased resistance to damage caused by magic, even without a shield. You can still be hurt, but less than an ordinary human would be.

Wield Magic

10: You learn to summon a small glowing light which you can then move around independently.

20: You learn how to cast rays of white light which can banish shadows and blind your opponents.

30: You learn to create tiny discs of solid light which can fly through the air and cut into targets.

40: By concentrating, you can create a wave of discontent which panics or enrages animals in the area.

50: You learn to create a blade of solid light, which you can wield like a sword to slice through flesh and stone alike.

60: You learn to direct a beam of searing light through the end of a staff, burning whatever you point at.

70: By concentrating, you can create a wave of discontent which panics, confuses, or enrages other people around you.

80: You learn to shape light into images of things that are far away, or things that don't exist at all.

Also, lumen magic really is absolute poo poo to everything it touches, according to the Lore path.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 22:37 on Mar 30, 2014

# ¿ Mar 30, 2014 22:29

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Air is lava! posted:

Elodie is more like an plutocratic great inquisitor who swore to destroy all heathen magic. That's why she also maxed out faith. And that's likely the way she grinded her cruelty skill.
To be honest, that prospect is even scarier than being a random stupid villian. She is a religious fanatic, who really believes in the cause.

And her fanaticism is starting to give her superpowers:

Meditation posted:

80: You discover that if you put yourself into the right state of mind, your entire body begins to glow faintly.

90: You discover that if you put yourself into the right frame of mind, you really can see with your eyes closed.

100: You discover that if you put yourself into the right frame of mind, you can sense things happening in nearby rooms, even behind closed doors.

Either she has ESP now or she's going batshit insane and is on the verge of having half of the castle staff executed for treason based on what she thinks they said behind her back about the pillow debacle.

Oh yeah, whenever I update the full skill dump now, I'll just link it offsite on the SSLP test post thing that MegaZeroX referred me to. Here's the most recent:

http://lpix.org/sslptest/index.php?id=17760

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Apr 1, 2014

# ¿ Apr 1, 2014 00:57

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

There is only one way to answer this threat, and that is to cry havoc and let slip the DOGS of war.

That is to say, we'll gift-wrap a dead puppy and mail it to Talasse because gently caress that tariff crap.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 04:07 on Apr 3, 2014

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 04:01

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Never turn down free stuff, even when you're the princess. Eat them and if they're yummy enough then force Kigal to pay weekly chocolate tribute to the Crown.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 22:07

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 17:12

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Join the mounted parade so we can show off our most expensive outfit, our most expensive horse, and our most expensive half-finished warship float that our naval strategy professor has been making us build as part of our studies.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2014 00:14

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > What is with All These Corpses, Princess?: Let's Play Long Live the Queen

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