NHL Be A Pro -- Goon Style '14: Hockles Doesn't Sleep Edition

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > NHL Be A Pro -- Goon Style '14: Hockles Doesn't Sleep Edition

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Dubious: Mar 7, 2006; The Heroes the Vikings Deserve; Lipstick Apathy

GuavaMoment posted:

@NHL
Former Vancouver Canucks forward Foo Bar has voluntarily entered the NHL/NHLPA Substance Abuse Program. We offer our full support and wish him well in the future.

@chap_butt29 yo @foo_bar6 I warmed your seat in rehab #whenstheoldtimer games?

# ? Jul 27, 2014 20:46

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 17:22

Slappy Pappy: Oct 15, 2003; Mighty, mighty eagle soaring free
Defender of our homes and liberty
Bravery, humility, and honesty...
Mighty, mighty eagle, rescue me!; Dinosaur Gum

6th most career shorthanded goals by a defenseman....that's all I got.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 20:48

Hockles: Dec 25, 2007; Resident of ~~Camp Blood~~
Crystal Lake

Career Leaders

Points

Hockles -- 1706
Adam Banks --1656
Alex Guibeau -- 1618
Gunnar Stahl -- 1615
Hocket Roboy -- 1526

Goals

Alex Guibeau -- 828
Adam Banks -- 756
Badabing Buckaroo -- 744
He Hate Me -- 714
Buggy Skill -- 665

Assists

Hockles -- 1178
Gunnar Stahl -- 1042
Hocket Roboy -- 951
Alexandr Luzhin -- 921
Rod Dangler -- 915

Games Played

Hockles -- 1777
Teemu Vittunen -- 1771
Stabby McStabson -- 1720
Ricky Fantastic -- 1681
Bjorn Lundgren -- 1672

Penalty Minutes

Brian Urlacher -- 5796
Potatoes O'Bourke -- 4946
Stabby McStabson -- 4694
Jimmy O'Rourke -- 4418
Punchki Borkiwicz -- 4353

Plus/Minus

Adam Banks -- 412
Halu Satonaka -- 392
Moses White -- 306
Gunnar Stahl -- 298
Alex Guibeau -- 287

Hits

Brian Urlacher -- 4716
Les Lazaruk -- 4635
Stabby McStabson -- 4568
Potatoes O'Bourke -- 4291
Emil Rutkowski -- 4277

Points Per Game

Halu Satonaka -- 1.01
Adam Banks -- 1.00
Gunnar Stahl -- 1.00
Alex Guibeau -- 0.97
Alexandr Luzhin -- 0.96
Hockles -- 0.96

Shorthanded Goals

Badabing Buckaroo -- 31
Adam Banks -- 30
Andrew Kilza -- 30
Alex Jones -- 30
Alexandr Luzhin -- 24

Use this site to see how you compare to the real life leaders.

Goalies Career Leaders

Wins

Big McLargeHuge -- 592
Dak Paynuss -- 582
Cal Ripken Jr -- 552
Quincey Pepperdick -- 550
Martijn van der Veen -- 535

Winning Percentage

Quincey Pepperdick -- .624
Cal Ripken Jr -- .611
Martijn van der Veen -- .580
Fat Cow -- .559
Big McLargeHuge -- .524

Games Played

Big McLargeHuge -- 1130
Dak Paynuss -- 1115
Soup Athanatos -- 1069
Ron Hextall Jr -- 994
Martijn van der Veen -- 923

Goals Against Average

Cal Ripken Jr -- 2.06
Quincey Pepperdick -- 2.07
Tripp Palin -- 2.16
Fat Cow -- 2.18
Martijn van der Veen -- 2.20

Save Percentage

Quincey Pepperdick -- .933
Cal Ripken Jr -- .931
Tripp Palin -- .931
Martijn van der Veen -- .931
Soup Athanatos -- .930

Shutouts

Quincey Pepperdick -- 113
Big McLargeHuge -- 109
Cal Ripken Jr -- 108
Martijn van der Veen -- 94
Dak Paynuss -- 94

Use this site to see how you compare to the real life leaders.

Most Stanley Cups

Hockles -- 5
Potatoes O'Bourke -- 3
8 Tied at 2 (Bar, Borkiwicz, Buttworth, Lazaruk, McStabson, Poutine, Roboy, Windros)

Playoff Games Played

Hockles -- 221
Halu Satonaka -- 219
Moses White -- 209
Emil Rutkowski -- 171
Quincey Pepperdick -- 170
sba -- 170

Playoff Season Appearances

Halu Satonaka -- 18
Moses White -- 18
Badabing Buckaroo -- 17
sba -- 17
Quincey Pepperdick -- 15
Emil Rutkowski -- 15

All-Star Game Selections

Theo McFlurry -- 14
Bjorn Lundgren -- 13
Alex Guibeau -- 13
He Hate Me -- 12
Buggy Skill -- 11
Aurora Steidl -- 11

http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2014 for Complete Stats

Much like the end of the Stanley Cup playoffs, here is a song to close us out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5A3Blt1Ipw

Good night everybody.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 20:51

Faggot Guy: Aug 29, 2011; TWO TIME SUPERBOWL MVP

Thanks for doing this man, was a blast to read through!

Desert dogs for lyfe.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 20:57

Xtanstic: Nov 23, 2007

Hockles posted:

Most Stanley Cups

Hockles -- 5

8 Tied at 2 (Poutine, Roboy)

Ah so this is what it feels like to be the Chris Bosh to Hockles' Lebron James. Did anyone win more than Norris trophies than Poutine or Steidl? (2 each)

# ? Jul 27, 2014 21:01

Furnaceface: Oct 21, 2004

I did a thing to make it easier to find how much you sucked compared to Hockles (year and team you won the cup with):

code:

Skaters:
Hockles      5 (19 MIN, 29 MIN, 30 BUF, 33 BUF, 35 BUF)
O'Bourke     3 (16 DAL, 30 BUF, 33 BUF)
Bar          2 (27 VAN, 31 VAN)
Borkiwicz    2 (17 BUF, 30 BUF)
Buttworth    2 (27 VAN, 31 VAN)
Lazaruk      2 (32 NYR, 34 SJS)
McStabson    2 (17 BUF, 22 COL)
Poutine      2 (19 MIN, 29 MIN)
Roboy        2 (19 MIN, 29 MIN)
Windros      2 (24 CBJ, 32 NYR)
Banks        1 (20 LAK)
Buckaroo     1 (14 TOR)
Chiggers     1 (22 COL)
Dangler      1 (25 WSH)
Guibeau      1 (16 DAL)
Guyclint     1 (26 FLA)
He Hate Me   1 (22 COL)
Jones        1 (25 WSH)
Kilza        1 (26 FLA)
Lundgren     1 (25 WSH)
Luzhin       1 (26 FLA)
McFlurry     1 (34 SJS)
Satonaka     1 (21 TBL)
sba          1 (14 TOR)
Spamtron     1 (18 EDM)
Stahl        1 (23 CGY)
Steidl       1 (16 DAL)
Urlacher     1 (24 CBJ)
Vando        1 (23 CGY)
Vittunen     1 (17 BUF)
Borkason     0
Conway       0
Fantastic    0
Hat          0
O'Rourke     0
Rutkowski    0
Skill        0
Smashnikov   0
Wang         0
White        0

Goalies:
Hextall Jr   1 (20 LAK)
Paynuss      1 (22 COL)
Pepperdick   1 (21 TBL)
Athanatos    0
Bergkamp     0
Cow          0
McLargeHuge  0
Palin        0
Ripken Jr    0
van der Veen 0

Goon goalies got shafted for Cups. 11 skaters went home with nothing as well.

These are really fun and Im glad you keep setting aside time to do them Hockles.

e: vvv Thanks, all fixed up!

Furnaceface fucked around with this message at 21:20 on Jul 27, 2014

# ? Jul 27, 2014 21:14

Hockles: Dec 25, 2007; Resident of ~~Camp Blood~~
Crystal Lake

FYI, Borkiwicz and Guyclint were skaters, and Athanatos was a goalie, if you want to fix that.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 21:15

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

Hockles posted:

Career Leaders

Penalty Minutes
[*]Brian Urlacher -- 5796

Good night everybody.

So close

# ? Jul 27, 2014 22:41

LumpyGumby: Feb 22, 2012; "Here's the world famous hockey player sitting in the penalty box for slashing..."
-Snoopy Brown
42g - 65a - 107pts
106gp - 317PIMS

Many thanks to you, Hockles for doing this. I can't imagine it was anything close to easy. I'd love to do another if it pops up.

The 2021 year for Quincy P Pepperdick was arguably the greatest a goalie ever had; All Star, AS MVP, Vezina, Reg Season MVP, NHLPA MVP, Playoff MVP, and Stanley Cup.

One last time for fun: Van Der Veeeeen :argh:

LumpyGumby fucked around with this message at 22:51 on Jul 27, 2014

# ? Jul 27, 2014 22:46

JawKnee: Mar 24, 2007; You'll take the ride to leave this town along that yellow line

@BigWang66
#nocups #noawards #staminagone #justawang #batheinmymillions

Thanks Hockles, this was a fun thread, hope to do it again with the next version!

# ? Jul 27, 2014 23:15

Aurora: Jan 7, 2008

This was really entertaining to watch, even though my team never won a cup while I was earning Norris nominations :v:

# ? Jul 28, 2014 01:39

Verviticus: Mar 13, 2006; I'm just a total piece of shit and I'm not sure why I keep posting on this site. Christ, I have spent years with idiots giving me bad advice about online dating and haven't noticed that the thread I'm in selects for people that can't talk to people worth a damn.

that was fun even if my nemesis hockles cheated :mad:

thanks for doing this!

# ? Jul 28, 2014 01:58

Kilza: Oct 4, 2013

It was entertaining to be a part of this, even if I didn't turn into the next Gretzky like I was hoping.

Thanks for doing this, Hockles!

# ? Jul 28, 2014 02:54

GuavaMoment: Aug 13, 2006; YouTube dude

Thanks for letting me live my dream Hockles! _{(the dream of being a tiny asian guy with a drinking problem, the hockey thing was kind of a bonus)}

# ? Jul 28, 2014 03:21

Southpaw: Mar 9, 2006

Xtanstic posted:

Ah so this is what it feels like to be the Chris Bosh to Hockles' Lebron James. Did anyone win more than Norris trophies than Poutine or Steidl? (2 each)

Lundgren won 3 Norris trophies :smuggo:

Bravo, Hockles. Thanks for taking the time and effort to do this, it ruled and not just because Lundgren had the most GP by a defender, beating out Chelios.

# ? Jul 28, 2014 06:06

Stiev Awt: Mar 20, 2007

It's been a hell of a ride. I look forward to a handful of people on hockey boards saying Halu should be in the hall.

# ? Jul 28, 2014 07:20

Dubious: Mar 7, 2006; The Heroes the Vikings Deserve; Lipstick Apathy

Hockles this was a hoot, thanks for running with it.

Ole Chap won two cups, a smythe, and avoided a shitload of DUIs with Foo Bar.

If CFM allows it, I plan to do something similar with Madden this year!

Dubious fucked around with this message at 08:56 on Jul 28, 2014

# ? Jul 28, 2014 08:51

THE MACHO MAN: Nov 15, 2007; ...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls

I shoulda gone out on top damnit.

I think Buffalo had the most cups as a team right??

Thanks again to Hockles! Your poopsocking is always appreciated!!

# ? Jul 28, 2014 14:25

Rotten Cookies: Nov 11, 2008; gosh! i like both the islanders and the rangers!!! :^)

Just adding to the shouts of thanks to you, Hockles. It was fun to see all the goon players loving dominate the league.

# ? Jul 28, 2014 17:50

Faggot Guy: Aug 29, 2011; TWO TIME SUPERBOWL MVP

Dubious posted:

Hockles this was a hoot, thanks for running with it.

Ole Chap won two cups, a smythe, and avoided a shitload of DUIs with Foo Bar.

If CFM allows it, I plan to do something similar with Madden this year!

Doo itt.

# ? Jul 28, 2014 21:23

Ceyton: Oct 9, 2004; YOU'RE DEAD ARMITAGE!
YOU'RE DEAD ARMITAGE!
YOU'RE DEAD ARMITAGE!

Neato. Thanks for wasting your life away in front of a computer for our amusement Hockles, we really appreciate it. :hydrogen:

# ? Jul 29, 2014 00:51

Bradf0rd: Jun 16, 2008; Agent of Chaos

Xtanstic posted:

Ah so this is what it feels like to be the Chris Bosh to Hockles' Lebron James. Did anyone win more than Norris trophies than Poutine or Steidl? (2 each)

Don't leave out Potatoes and his three rings you rear end in a top hat! He may not remember but he worked hard for those Cups.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 07:58

Anders: Nov 8, 2004; I'd rather score...

... but I'll grind it good for you

Don't leave out Borkason. The Rick Nash of the 2020's :smith:

# ? Jul 30, 2014 12:20

Stickarts: Dec 21, 2003; literally

I like to think these results were an indication of my real life abilities.

# ? Jul 30, 2014 13:17

Glambags: Dec 28, 2003

Hextall Jr's cup was won as a backup, but hey your name on the cup is your name on the cup

# ? Jul 30, 2014 17:56

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 17:22

RazorDX: Nov 7, 2008

I didn't get to participate in this one (maybe next time) but I still got a lot of laughs from it and kept up with the thread (and 13s) from the beginning. Thanks for doing this Hockles, it's pretty loving cool of you.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 03:09

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > NHL Be A Pro -- Goon Style '14: Hockles Doesn't Sleep Edition

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