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mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe

TSezo@gmail.com

Bio:
-White, Heterosexual and Gorgeous
-American Civil War Veteran/Colonel in the Second Cavalry
-Former mercenary
-Starting a Saloon in Ezo called "The Round Eye"
-"The Round Eye" is staffed by former soldiers, Japanese prostitutes, cardsharps and armed men with rough-and-rowdy pasts

mynamewas fucked around with this message at 08:38 on Mar 1, 2014

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mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Stalin-Chan posted:


Nagai Naoyuki, Finance Magistrate, Samurai

We need to take a strong stance against the importation of opium into Ezo. We have seen what opium has done to the lesser men in China and the situation it put China in. we must not allow that same fate to befall Japan.

There must be strong consequences for its importation and possession, previously this was already illegal under the Tokugawa Shogunate; there is no reason to stop now.

Thomas Crusoe, Owner and Proprietor of The Round Eye Saloon

The Round Eye Saloon will offer free blow jobs, a $600 marker for gambling and/or drinking and 1 cent on the dollar of all proceeds made on the sale of opium to all members of the House of Representatives who vote against any proposal banning the sale, possession or importation of opium.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe
As a gesture of good faith and good will, the Round Eye Saloon will be offering drinks and pleasure at half-price for all officers and soldiers about to lay down their life for the glory of Ezo.

I will not be importing or selling opium.

mynamewas fucked around with this message at 19:34 on Feb 9, 2014

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

(OOC: This was the pre-edit so I don't want to be called a cheater)
Seeing as this is and probably will forever be the only life, I ask that the Congress consider an amendment to the Opium Ban or a consideration on this concubine importation proposal that would allow the sale of opium to these women whose lives will be slightly worse off than livestock. Thank you. *Kowtows* Thank you.

mynamewas fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Feb 13, 2014

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

Help Wanted!
Thomas Crusoe, owner and proprietor of The Round Eye Saloon, is looking to hire artisans and free laborers to help build and staff an upcoming chain of laundries throughout Hakodate. Though we would prefer that our building contractors and construction laborers come from Hakodate as they are familiar with the building codes and zoning laws, we will take special preference towards the hire of field hands and free peasants across Ezo for double their yearly pay on the plantation farm to work at these laundry businesses. Managers and accountants also wanted, with preference towards those who can remember and calculate numbers without writing them down as we do not hold a discrimination policy towards illiteracy.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe

Not that it's any of my business, but, speaking as a former colonel, it's not like you've consolidated your holdings of Edo or even adequately made a contingency plan for Meiji retaliation. I mean you already have manpower shortages, which you propose will be solved by a long term social-engineering fertility experiment, and you want to fight an even longer war without adequate agricultural or industrial output against an army and a reserve many times larger than yours?

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe, Owner and Proprietor of the Round Eye Saloon


Circling the Wagons
About a month or so ago, in fact a few days before the bombing of Thomas Blakiston's wedding and murder of Tokugawa's sister, the Round Eye Saloon suffered an unfortunate incident. Around 11 PM, one of Nagai Naoyuki's subordinates and a few of his lackeys stumbled into the saloon in a less than clear state of mind. Despite disturbing and threatening some of our wealthy foreign patrons through their sake-saturated breath, we let them stay because their money spent and their threats seemed idle. As the evening proceeded, the Nagai subordinate and his friends decided they'd try their hands at poker. With three hours of cold hands and diminishing pockets, Nagai's subordinate accused my dealer of cheating him. After a few choice words, Nagai's subordinate decided to flip the table in frustration, and he and his lackeys pulled out their knives threatening seemingly everyone. A brief scuffle ensued, where my security was able to subdue these insufferable drunkards and escort them out of the establishment. Unfortunately, as he was gently being escorted out, the subordinate tripped over a bar stool, hit the floor, and cracked all his ribs, broke both his arms and busted up his nose. On the outside, the subordinate promised to "blow up" the Round Eye Saloon if it was the last thing he did in this life.

With this incident along with the Blakiston bombing, I have decided it is in my best interests to beef up security and also enforce pat downs of all patrons entering my joint. And let me be blunt, anyone who dares to actively threaten me or my business will be dealt with extreme prejudice and under my justice.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe, Owner and Proprietor of the Round Eye Saloon


Place your Bets!
If Army Minister Otori Keisuke accepts President Enomoto Takeaki's challenge, Thomas Crusoe will be taking bets as who will emerge victorious. As a preliminary wager, place a bet on whether Otori will have the stones to accept the challenge! Odds are 60:40 in favor of Otori's cowardice. (Note: Enomoto and Otori can not place wagers)

Edit: Challenge seemingly accepted. 7:3 in favor of Minister Otori.

mynamewas fucked around with this message at 19:42 on Feb 20, 2014

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe

I petition the whole of ezo to make me an honorary congressman.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe
*as he runs limping away* Sic Semper Tyrannis!!!

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Stalin-Chan posted:

I would like to propose my budget for this period.

Bill 3-9: Budget
Bakuhan Taisei tax structure:
0% tax on bushi (0) (samurai)
10% tax on samurai merchant activity (2)
20% tax on nōmin (14) (peasants, farmers, and food producers)
33% tax on ko (11) (non-land based workers)
35% tax on chōnin (8) (merchants)

Total Income: 35/quarter
+2 From Russia (one turn only)


Debt
Debt: 61 at (10% interest quarterly)
--- 50 owed to French creditors
--- 10 owed to British creditors
--- 1 owed to French creditors (interest free)


Government Expenditures (required in parentheses to maintain status quo):

Internal Security: 5 (5)
Samurai Stipends: 6 (6)
Army Maintenance: 5 (5)
Navy Maintenance: 3 (3)
Military Logistics: 2 (2)
Interest Payments: 6 (6)
Debt Payment (British Creditors): 10
Free Credits: 0

Bakuhan Taisei tax structure:
0% tax on bushi (0) (samurai)
10% tax on samurai merchant activity (2)
20% tax on nōmin (14) (peasants, farmers, and food producers)
33% tax on ko (11) (non-land based workers)
35% tax on chōnin (8) (merchants)

Total Income: 35/quarter
+2 From Russia (one turn only)


Debt
Debt: 61 at (10% interest quarterly)
--- 50 owed to French creditors
--- 10 owed to British creditors
--- 1 owed to French creditors (interest free)


Government Expenditures (required in parentheses to maintain status quo):

Internal Security: 5 (5)
Samurai Stipends: 6 (6)
Army Maintenance: 5 (5)
Navy Maintenance: 3 (3)
Military Logistics: 2 (2)
Interest Payments: 6 (6)
Debt Payment (British Creditors): 8
Special Project Funds for New Star Fort: 2
Free Credits: 0
Thomas Crusoe

Maybe you should pay taxes?

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

JosefStalinator posted:

You may! I say wait until the next update (gonna be a few days). If you want to join as anyone sooner, feel free, but send orders for the next turn ASAP.

Also, orders are now past due! :frogsiren:. If you haven't already, send them in!
FYI, the earlier you send them the better chance of you being the early bird.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
bump

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe, Hairless, On the Lam

quote:

Towering over them all is Crusoe and he is naked and bowing, huge and pale and hairless, like an enormous infant. He never sleeps, he says. He says he’ll never die.
- An anonymous peasant's account of his recent encounter with the fugitive Crusoe

Anonymous letter to Nagai Naoyuki
Think not that I am come to send peace on Ezo: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

Sincerely Yours,
Sic Semper Tyrannis

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Maximo Roboto posted:


Emperor Meiji

Hark, what is out there by my window. Oh, 'tis nary but my hundred-ship strong armada, cannons a-thwart, all prepared to rain fire and death upon the cowardly splittist north. Abandon all hope, ye weak-willed insects. Cannonballs will drop upon Hokkaido like tanuki kintama descending upon you pack of miserable insects.

However, some of you will be spared. All foreigners may leave if they swear to no longer stand in the way of the righteous destiny of the Yamato race. The Ainu aboriginals may live in peace if they take spear and stone against the false emperor and the samurai heretics. Whichever man brings the head of the so-called shogun will receive the highest reward that we can bestow to an island of traitors. Amnesty will be given to those considered criminals by the traitors, and honors to those who actively work against said traitors. Traitors against traitors will be given the highest honor possible.

This is the decree of the gods.
Thomas Crusoe
*Distant echo in the wilderness*
Hell yea! yea... yea... yea.. ye

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Namtab posted:

I am now the former education minister, and I'm mad as h*ck.
You're dead.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe: "fugitive" and once again with a full head of hair and eyebrows.

Open letter to whom it may concern

To the hired hands who pursue me, I offer rewards far greater than your self-serving masters can possibly grant. To those who seek my capture, I pledge to make catamites and whores of your progeny. To those who desire my demise, I will make it so that you will long for death. Make no mistake, this is an act of mercy. You're hunting a man with nothing to lose, and happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Yours,
Thomas Crusoe

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe

Gee whiz maybe the republic should have universal conscription on Ezo where officers are promoted on merit and loyalty and not social standing and faith.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe

This seems to be the longest winter in recent memory.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Thomas Crusoe


Open letter to Hijikata Toshizô,

I gave you fair warning. No more running. From now on, all members of the Shinsengumi are subject to my vengeance.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

BrainParasite posted:


Tsukinoeaino, Chief, Daimyo.

The Great Tanuki spirit has come to me in a vision. In it, Tanuki and myself were seated around a large empty table. I felt a deep and abiding hunger. After a long time, a man walked in. He was wild eyed and dirty, but Tanuki invited him to sit with us. When he sat down a strange thing happened. Food a drink began to appear on the table. Not any ordinary food, but the rarest and most speaking delicacies. I looked up and suddenly the man had become clean and well dressed. I only then recognized him as Thomas Crusoe.

It is my interpretation that Thomas Crusoe is somehow important to the prosperity of the Ainu. So, I have decided that Thomas Crusoe is under Ainu protection as long as he is on our land.. We demand the Shinsengumi leave the area around his tree fort.

Thomas Crusoe

Thank you for your hospitality. I will do everything in my power to respect the ways and culture of the great Ainu people.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

A citizen's depositional letter to the court
Though it may not be pertinent to the case, I would like for it to be on the record that the child shogun assaulted me with a deadly weapon. Kid's crazy, ya know?

Edit: BTW BRAINPARASITE I do not have PMs and I can't locate your email in the thread so please give me contact info itt or at thomascrusoe.ezo@Hotmail.com

mynamewas fucked around with this message at 13:59 on Apr 5, 2014

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

Another season of betrayals and intrigue. Just a hot tip to Ezo's esteemed security force: You might want to purge some of your officers if you ever have the slightest hope of crippling my operations or finding me.

Thanks guy

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

Open Letter to Matsudaira Sadaaki

I'm challenging you to a duel. Now I know custom dictates that you, as a samurai, are by some sort of backward-looking chivalrous integrity only allowed to fight fellow samurai, but, seeing as I'm not a samurai and you aren't really a man, I figure we can meet half-way on this point of honor. Please don't mistake my questioning your manhood as a sign of impertinence, for in America we're accustomed to calling a spade a spade. You can find me on Ainu land any time, day or night.

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

The Big Kotan Bank will now clean your dirty laundry. Ask for details inside...

mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point

Thomas Crusoe

quote:

1873: President Enomoto is handily re-elected as president of the Republic in a vote by the Samurai class. Representing the first balloted elections in Japanese history, the election is organized across the republic, with proof of samurai class membership (in the form of an official government seal) the only requirement for voting. Enomoto runs unopposed, but is constitutionally barred from any further terms.

quote:

Majority Ruling of High Judge Takenaka Shigetaka on Matsumae vs. The Republic
“Status in the samurai caste was guaranteed by birth and could not be deprived via legislative action.”

Yea about the whole appointment of the woman samurai... Thomas Crusoe would ask our esteemed congressmen to produce their birth certificates proving they are what they say. As far as I can tell, Enomoto, may he rest in peace, simply handed out official decrees signifying and authenticating individual samurai status without foresight of the rather liberal civil inclinations of the current legislature. Though the rubber-stamp may have been prudent to get the official business of the Ezo government underway, I think it would be a mistake to take some of these so-called "samurai" at their word and reputation as authenticity for their actual samurai status (especially in lieu of the chaos wrought on the Republic by saboteurs in recent years)--in which case, I too would be right in claiming my samurai status. So I think you guys gotta prove you were born into it other than through some common law understanding.

Also, I think it's pretty short-sighted (if samurai status is universally attributed by birth) to have samurai rights enshrined on Ezo by the constitution, given that the Meiji could just flood the republic with authentic samurai stooges to rig the vote. Just imho

mynamewas fucked around with this message at 03:51 on May 7, 2014

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mynamewas
Jul 23, 2007
Point
Update?

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